The other day I received a post card, again, from my Uncle Dick, who has been a steadfast divine presence in all of our lives since we were little, but most importantly, was the rock in my mothers life, along with his wife, who we called Aunt Mary.
These two divine souls have nurtured the love and devotion for god in my mothers life, as well as ours, while she was living, have been by her side, as true friends, mentors, angels, and just beautiful friends, always there, to listen, to help, and to guide when she was not feeling up to par, or maybe overwhelmed with her life as it was, with five children, all alone, by herself.
Not only that, but to share in lifes beauties, the simplicity of it all, and the divinity, first and foremost.
I can write all night long about Uncle Dick and Aunt Mary, but I will start here, by saying that, since Mom has passed, and Aunt Mary too, right before Mom, I have slowly begun to form an adult relationship with my Uncle Dick that has been so comforting, so transformative, and real, almost amongst any relationship I have at this point in my life.
He is incredibly devoted to his life, his 6 boys, and his prayer.
He is full in his beliefs.
Like I said, I can go on about him and tell stories like crazy, but, I will just zone in on one time, inparticular that has stood out, amongst many, that has brought me, literally , to a place of ultimate realization.
I got home and was hurried to walk the dogs. I grabbed the leash, put it on one of the dogs and headed out.
I always stop at the mailbox on the way back in, and when I did, I saw a card from Dick Sammel, and suddenly got excited.
Not because I had a piece of mail, but because I knew, without a doubt, what would be inside of that card.
For one, he is an artist, so opening the card is always a joy, because I get to see his art work, that is so utterly gorgeous, and two, he expresses himself, as I do, with whatever comes to mind.
This one particular time, I grabbed his card, brought my dog in the yard, grabbed my coffee and sat on my rod iron bench, under this huge oak tree, that honestly makes me spell bound every time I sit there.
I had my coffee, my baby was eating some appealing blade of grass, and there I was, excited to see what Uncle Dick had to say this time.
It is always so chock full of love, so innocent, so real, and simple.
As I was reading his letter, it made me cry for numerous reasons.
It was if I had written the letter. Someone, Someone.........gets it!
If I can quote him......
"Dearest Joni,
Each day, as soon as I arise and make a pot of coffee, I sit by my front window and begin my prayers for the day, watch for the birds at my feeders, sip a little, and pray!
Amongst the thoughts and requests, and thanks, I say a Novena, perpetually, you of course are mentioned each day.
Of the requests I make during the Novena prayers is a request for "smiles".
I ask that I may touch someone, someway to make them smile, to make them feel better, for at least that moment, by my actions,, my love, my presence.
Some days, the smiles come easily, and abundantly.
Some days I have to search, a phone call, a note, an encounter at the market.
But, everyday, I ask for the grace to let my love shine through, and make someone smile!!!!
When I read your Daily Quotes of Sept 24 "All I Know", you say, "When I think of all the things I love doing, it always involves making someone smile, making someone happy."
You surely make me smile. Your whole being is of love and smiles!
A day or so later I received an email with this quote. "The fruit of love is service".
The fruit of service is peace, and peace begins with a smile". ~ Mother Theresa
"All of the above, makes me feel that I'm in good company. Joni and Mother Theresa, and..... smiles!
Today is your Aunt Mary and My 52nd Anniversary. I miss her ever more and fall in love with her continually~
Thank you sweet girl. Thank you for your words, your love, your sharing. You do bring smiles to this "Old Man".
Your,
Uncle Dick
I love this for the purity that it is!
End of Story.
~
Monday, October 4, 2010
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
A HIGHER CALLING
This morning I woke up filled with so many mundane thoughts. They traipsed in my mind, like watching a ping pong match.
I watched the worries try to take over, the fears trying to win their constant game of "chess" with me.
I managed to laugh at how hard it was for those thoughts to try to make their way into my reality.
It took just a small amount of time to relinquish my divinity, and from then on, although every fear and worry was still there, I sank into a natural reality that made so much more sense, and felt so much more clear and real to me.
I spoke to a long lost friend of mine who I used to spend tons of time with years ago.We had a lot of things in common, mostly our spirituality, why we were here, and what that meant to us.
How refreshing those days were.
People with a soul purpose.
God, how I miss that!!
He told me he had retired from his business he had for years and now was studying Theology, hoping to become a priest someday.
Well, I have to say, that out of any one thing that has come out of anybodies mouth, in the last umpteen years, this has to be one of the most refreshing and rewarding statements that literally has brought me to a very specific state of mind.......let alone the tears of joy, that washed over me, for reasons, obvious, and not!
It soared through me like a bolt of lightning and felt as if someone had grabbed my insides and literally opened me up.
I had a vacation recently.
All of the money in the world could not have given me this kind of vacation...that I had..... inside.
I barely spoke to a soul, outside of a few clients and friends who I have been helping with fitness and nutrition programs.
I find myself vying for more and more time alone, which doesn't baffle me anymore, whereas I used to think it might be unhealthy, yet when I would question it, (mostly because of outside opinions), I would say to myself, "But how can it be so bad, when it feels so good?" It is so fulfilling and allows me to tap into the depths of my being almost effortlessly.
I contemplated my entire existence here, what I thought I wanted and how I want to see the rest of my years go.
I wasn't surprised at the outcome!
From my early twenties up until my late 30's I pretty much lived a monastic life. In retrospect, there are a lot of things I would have changed, but too, tons of things that I would not have changed, not one bit, and would go back in a heart beat to be able to devote my life entirely to the service of others, to having prayer and meditation be the primary focus of my days and not be working like the rat on the wheel who needs to rob Peter to pay Paul.
It leaves such a dry and empty feeling, one that makes me feel as if I am of no help to others and that the time required to access such depths is so scarce, that it hurts me, almost, to "beg" for that time to reach my "god", so to speak.
I miss having time to cook for the homeless, hanging out with them, learning about humanity, coming up with solutions, or partial solutions, or, maybe not any, but there was that time to give, at least, or just time to access that part of myself that has creative ways to to bring about change.
Humanity is hurting!
In this sense, I feel like a Mother.
It hurts to watch such Innocence get corrupt, or tainted with anything other than what we are so graced with naturally.
To watch the destruction, on all levels, pains me, and is a constant , constant thorn in my side that I can never seem to get rid of.
I promise I am not trying to be "Super Human" and save the world. I am not one of those, honestly, but I do know what I have inside and if I can somehow be part of a small contribution to this "home" of ours~ be it with people, or the entire planet~ I want to jump in full force, before arthritis sets in, grey hair, and all other natural frailties that may "take over" these bodies.
Still, then, I know I will always have a voice~and even if that were to fall to the way side~ I'd scribble on any napkin, any scrap piece of paper with any utensil, to say my piece~ of how~ maybe... we could have done things better, or to just plain ol' share this natural love, that will never come with a handbook, just experience~and allowance.....and a forgiveness that goes unyielded!
I don't dream of a fairy tale life, nor do I dream of the perfect lover.
I dream of change, of spiritual depth, spiritual growth, and implementing what is natural and divine, and capable of transforming, not only myself, but others, and this place we call our "home".
The place we tread our feet upon, day in and day out.
I always do question how I want to "BE THE CHANGE I WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD".
Those are my sacred thoughts, and every little moment I get the chance to practice that, I do!
Yes, something close to a Monastic life appeals to me......greatly!
I haven't figured it all out yet, but I know something greater will come. It has to. I am way too drenched in it, in my "private world" now, as it is, for it not to.
It is like the sweetest candy you can imagine. The best pleasure that no money could buy... the most tender kiss...... without the "kiss"...............softer than you'd ever know!!
There is a Higher Calling, for me, at least.
It echoes off of every mountain top, every wave in the Ocean, and every tiny little blade of grass.
It is there, in every corner, showing me my compass, toward a life that is unknown, uncertain, but real....oh so real, that blindfolded, I'd be that certain, of my "whereabouts" and be content in the knowing that I don't need a book to follow, just a heart...........to...........listen!
Thank you, thank you, for this exquisite life! I am honored.............greatly!
~
I watched the worries try to take over, the fears trying to win their constant game of "chess" with me.
I managed to laugh at how hard it was for those thoughts to try to make their way into my reality.
It took just a small amount of time to relinquish my divinity, and from then on, although every fear and worry was still there, I sank into a natural reality that made so much more sense, and felt so much more clear and real to me.
I spoke to a long lost friend of mine who I used to spend tons of time with years ago.We had a lot of things in common, mostly our spirituality, why we were here, and what that meant to us.
How refreshing those days were.
People with a soul purpose.
God, how I miss that!!
He told me he had retired from his business he had for years and now was studying Theology, hoping to become a priest someday.
Well, I have to say, that out of any one thing that has come out of anybodies mouth, in the last umpteen years, this has to be one of the most refreshing and rewarding statements that literally has brought me to a very specific state of mind.......let alone the tears of joy, that washed over me, for reasons, obvious, and not!
It soared through me like a bolt of lightning and felt as if someone had grabbed my insides and literally opened me up.
I had a vacation recently.
All of the money in the world could not have given me this kind of vacation...that I had..... inside.
I barely spoke to a soul, outside of a few clients and friends who I have been helping with fitness and nutrition programs.
I find myself vying for more and more time alone, which doesn't baffle me anymore, whereas I used to think it might be unhealthy, yet when I would question it, (mostly because of outside opinions), I would say to myself, "But how can it be so bad, when it feels so good?" It is so fulfilling and allows me to tap into the depths of my being almost effortlessly.
I contemplated my entire existence here, what I thought I wanted and how I want to see the rest of my years go.
I wasn't surprised at the outcome!
From my early twenties up until my late 30's I pretty much lived a monastic life. In retrospect, there are a lot of things I would have changed, but too, tons of things that I would not have changed, not one bit, and would go back in a heart beat to be able to devote my life entirely to the service of others, to having prayer and meditation be the primary focus of my days and not be working like the rat on the wheel who needs to rob Peter to pay Paul.
It leaves such a dry and empty feeling, one that makes me feel as if I am of no help to others and that the time required to access such depths is so scarce, that it hurts me, almost, to "beg" for that time to reach my "god", so to speak.
I miss having time to cook for the homeless, hanging out with them, learning about humanity, coming up with solutions, or partial solutions, or, maybe not any, but there was that time to give, at least, or just time to access that part of myself that has creative ways to to bring about change.
Humanity is hurting!
In this sense, I feel like a Mother.
It hurts to watch such Innocence get corrupt, or tainted with anything other than what we are so graced with naturally.
To watch the destruction, on all levels, pains me, and is a constant , constant thorn in my side that I can never seem to get rid of.
I promise I am not trying to be "Super Human" and save the world. I am not one of those, honestly, but I do know what I have inside and if I can somehow be part of a small contribution to this "home" of ours~ be it with people, or the entire planet~ I want to jump in full force, before arthritis sets in, grey hair, and all other natural frailties that may "take over" these bodies.
Still, then, I know I will always have a voice~and even if that were to fall to the way side~ I'd scribble on any napkin, any scrap piece of paper with any utensil, to say my piece~ of how~ maybe... we could have done things better, or to just plain ol' share this natural love, that will never come with a handbook, just experience~and allowance.....and a forgiveness that goes unyielded!
I don't dream of a fairy tale life, nor do I dream of the perfect lover.
I dream of change, of spiritual depth, spiritual growth, and implementing what is natural and divine, and capable of transforming, not only myself, but others, and this place we call our "home".
The place we tread our feet upon, day in and day out.
I always do question how I want to "BE THE CHANGE I WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD".
Those are my sacred thoughts, and every little moment I get the chance to practice that, I do!
Yes, something close to a Monastic life appeals to me......greatly!
I haven't figured it all out yet, but I know something greater will come. It has to. I am way too drenched in it, in my "private world" now, as it is, for it not to.
It is like the sweetest candy you can imagine. The best pleasure that no money could buy... the most tender kiss...... without the "kiss"...............softer than you'd ever know!!
There is a Higher Calling, for me, at least.
It echoes off of every mountain top, every wave in the Ocean, and every tiny little blade of grass.
It is there, in every corner, showing me my compass, toward a life that is unknown, uncertain, but real....oh so real, that blindfolded, I'd be that certain, of my "whereabouts" and be content in the knowing that I don't need a book to follow, just a heart...........to...........listen!
Thank you, thank you, for this exquisite life! I am honored.............greatly!
~
Monday, September 27, 2010
IN CELEBRATION OF OUR MOTHERS
This was actually so last minute, this blog, this title, and whatever words may appear after this sentence. I never really know what I am going to write until my fingers start typing, and usually I come up with a heading that has stuck out, or has spontaneously popped up, and then the other stuff comes.
I was just on face book and saw that a friend, actually a friend of a friend, whom I have never met, but have shared a lot of stories with, had posted something that caught my attention. It was a celebration of sorts to her mother. She was posting video clips of movies that her mother had shown her as a young child, and that had molded her as a woman today.
I watched one of the video's and it really took me in. One, since I have gotten a small little peak into this persons life, via our chats. The things she likes, the things that move her, and, she is a passionate soul, a musician, deep, introspective and has lived fully, inwardly, it seems,to sum up the very little that I know about her.
Anyway, she posted this video of a movie that her mother showed her as a child, and her post was about how this, and the movies to come, have molded her as a woman today.
I don't know this person, per say, but after watching this clip, of an old movie with Ingrid Bergman, one of my mothers favorites, I began to see the correlation, to some small extent, of this woman, who, like I said, I don't know, but somehow got, watching this video, and panning back on her posts that are so moving, so thought provoking and well........just made sense in a way that is actually kind of mysterious to me. It's odd in a way, but intuitive, and just........well.......I somehow got it.
Maybe it's like art in general. You go to an art exhibit, or opening, and you look and appreciate all that you see, but with your own depiction of what that piece was about.
That is the total beauty of art. It is there for you to make it what you want, like going to the movies. You take from it what you want. After all, it is cinema. Nothing is written in stone. To say that "this is what it is, and this was the message", is like......... NO!
You take home with you , your own personal message, and what it meant for you. And, well, if someone else had a specific meaning, than so be it, but at least you had the allowance to wonder, and play, and make it what you wanted, or needed for you. For some reason, to me, that is what it is all about. You learn about yourself through different mediums.
So, after seeing that clip, it gave way for a whole new opening of thought. It was as if I went to an art opening. It made me think of the "artist" or the person the artist was writing or painting about.
I love glimpsing into the depths of peoples thoughts about life, how they feel, why it made them feel that way, why it molded them, how it affected them, good or bad, and how it transformed them as people, growing in this age and time.
When I pan back on my life with my mother.......ahhhh, man..........she was sooooooooooo passionate about film, the theatre, acting, singing, and really watching good old fashioned movies. The ones that were "innocent" then........... the Jean Harlow's, the Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire's, the Judy Garland's, the Robert Mitchum's, the Lawrence Olivier's, the .... list is so long.
We would sit up at night on the couch. She would want Frangelico to sip on........ I would make popcorn and snuggle up to her. She always had the oldies station on. All of the old time movies that were from her time.
I would always say nooooooooooooo mom........let's watch something else, and she would tell me that someday I would thank her for making me watch these "silly movies" .
She would put them on and I would watch them, head on her lap, and her narrating, of course, so I could keep up with the story without being bored. She would tell me their names, who was who in Hollywood, and what their status was in the film world.
We shared film and the arts together.
She was a singer in NYC. The Belltones! She was active in the theatre. She then had 5 kids.
She lived her life vicariously through me with modeling, acting, writing and film.
In honor of a Face book Post, that took me back in time to watching movies with my mother, and appreciating those moments, I thank my distant friend for sharing that, and for allowing me to remember all of my tons of moments with my mother, watching movies that elated her, and kept her in her own tiny bubble of happiness, and then shared with me, the why's and how's of that happiness.
It truly is an honor to know what sparked our mothers, in all of their "down" time, the things that made them come alive, outside of their life, giving, and teaching, and forming, the lives of their children. It is a "job" that is so underated, and unappreciated.
It is one of the hardest jobs in the world!
Thank you friend, for sharing, and for sharing a part of you, and your Mother.
May we all celebrate our Mothers, and the glory of the love that is so pure, that no one else in this world will ever, ever give us.
Thanks Mom.
Gabriela
I was just on face book and saw that a friend, actually a friend of a friend, whom I have never met, but have shared a lot of stories with, had posted something that caught my attention. It was a celebration of sorts to her mother. She was posting video clips of movies that her mother had shown her as a young child, and that had molded her as a woman today.
I watched one of the video's and it really took me in. One, since I have gotten a small little peak into this persons life, via our chats. The things she likes, the things that move her, and, she is a passionate soul, a musician, deep, introspective and has lived fully, inwardly, it seems,to sum up the very little that I know about her.
Anyway, she posted this video of a movie that her mother showed her as a child, and her post was about how this, and the movies to come, have molded her as a woman today.
I don't know this person, per say, but after watching this clip, of an old movie with Ingrid Bergman, one of my mothers favorites, I began to see the correlation, to some small extent, of this woman, who, like I said, I don't know, but somehow got, watching this video, and panning back on her posts that are so moving, so thought provoking and well........just made sense in a way that is actually kind of mysterious to me. It's odd in a way, but intuitive, and just........well.......I somehow got it.
Maybe it's like art in general. You go to an art exhibit, or opening, and you look and appreciate all that you see, but with your own depiction of what that piece was about.
That is the total beauty of art. It is there for you to make it what you want, like going to the movies. You take from it what you want. After all, it is cinema. Nothing is written in stone. To say that "this is what it is, and this was the message", is like......... NO!
You take home with you , your own personal message, and what it meant for you. And, well, if someone else had a specific meaning, than so be it, but at least you had the allowance to wonder, and play, and make it what you wanted, or needed for you. For some reason, to me, that is what it is all about. You learn about yourself through different mediums.
So, after seeing that clip, it gave way for a whole new opening of thought. It was as if I went to an art opening. It made me think of the "artist" or the person the artist was writing or painting about.
I love glimpsing into the depths of peoples thoughts about life, how they feel, why it made them feel that way, why it molded them, how it affected them, good or bad, and how it transformed them as people, growing in this age and time.
When I pan back on my life with my mother.......ahhhh, man..........she was sooooooooooo passionate about film, the theatre, acting, singing, and really watching good old fashioned movies. The ones that were "innocent" then........... the Jean Harlow's, the Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire's, the Judy Garland's, the Robert Mitchum's, the Lawrence Olivier's, the .... list is so long.
We would sit up at night on the couch. She would want Frangelico to sip on........ I would make popcorn and snuggle up to her. She always had the oldies station on. All of the old time movies that were from her time.
I would always say nooooooooooooo mom........let's watch something else, and she would tell me that someday I would thank her for making me watch these "silly movies" .
She would put them on and I would watch them, head on her lap, and her narrating, of course, so I could keep up with the story without being bored. She would tell me their names, who was who in Hollywood, and what their status was in the film world.
We shared film and the arts together.
She was a singer in NYC. The Belltones! She was active in the theatre. She then had 5 kids.
She lived her life vicariously through me with modeling, acting, writing and film.
In honor of a Face book Post, that took me back in time to watching movies with my mother, and appreciating those moments, I thank my distant friend for sharing that, and for allowing me to remember all of my tons of moments with my mother, watching movies that elated her, and kept her in her own tiny bubble of happiness, and then shared with me, the why's and how's of that happiness.
It truly is an honor to know what sparked our mothers, in all of their "down" time, the things that made them come alive, outside of their life, giving, and teaching, and forming, the lives of their children. It is a "job" that is so underated, and unappreciated.
It is one of the hardest jobs in the world!
Thank you friend, for sharing, and for sharing a part of you, and your Mother.
May we all celebrate our Mothers, and the glory of the love that is so pure, that no one else in this world will ever, ever give us.
Thanks Mom.
Gabriela
Friday, September 24, 2010
ALL I KNOW......
.....Is that my days are short. I want them to consist of the things that I absolutely love, the things that make me bubble up inside because they are the things that run deep in my heart. What I also know is that those things are the very things that actually make other people happy as well.
When I think of all of the things I love doing, it always involves making someone smile, someone happy, someone look on the brighter side of things, someone to help, to change in a good way, if it is possible that something I do comes easy enough where it doesn't for them.
In doing those things, it makes my life seem like there is no "work" to it at all, just a continuation of my beating heart that is so passionate for the very core of this life.
There are so many things to adore, to appreciate, to give, to share, and to do with such a love that everyone involved is singing to the beat of their own beautiful heart.
I hope you all have an amazing day! I am!
Love,
Gabriela
P.S. SING! SING! JUST SING! And everything will fall into place, I promise you that!
When I think of all of the things I love doing, it always involves making someone smile, someone happy, someone look on the brighter side of things, someone to help, to change in a good way, if it is possible that something I do comes easy enough where it doesn't for them.
In doing those things, it makes my life seem like there is no "work" to it at all, just a continuation of my beating heart that is so passionate for the very core of this life.
There are so many things to adore, to appreciate, to give, to share, and to do with such a love that everyone involved is singing to the beat of their own beautiful heart.
I hope you all have an amazing day! I am!
Love,
Gabriela
P.S. SING! SING! JUST SING! And everything will fall into place, I promise you that!
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
NINE DAYS OF NOTHIN'
Well, I am sad to say, that this is the last day of my vacation. The word "vacation" seems a little strange, because people usually associate vacations with waves, and sun, and beach, and somewhere other than where they are everyday.
I did have a vacation, and I was pretty specific, give or take a few things, on how I wanted to spend it.
I knew I wasn't going to Africa, and I knew I wasn't going to the beach. That was actually OK with me.
It had been almost 2 years since I had a vacation, and within that time so much had transpired, that really, all I wanted to do was rest..............simply rest. Body, mind and soul!
The first few days were actually kind of strange, only because I wasn't going and doing, or at least tried not to, at least the way I do at work, and to just "be", here at my house, with nothing really to do, but to be 100% present with my animals, myself, my surroundings, and to just decompress all of the clutter that has accumulated since I have moved here.
Unraveling those feelings and putting them in place was such a catharsis. Along with all of the other feelings that come along with being single, liking it, when no one else does, (nor does anyone want me to be single, it's funny.) No one can comprehend the fact that it IS a wonderful thing to be alone, really digging into who you are. Don't get me wrong, I love the other, I am just not sure how much, in comparison.
In the beginning it felt as if 9 days was so short, not enough to get to where I want to be inside.
It's kind of like the Hurry slowly thing. Do what you need to do, be diligent, but do it slowly and with awareness.
One morning I got so incredibly excited when I woke up. I looked out at the lake, and just balled. It was a good ball though! I felt as if I had been given a chance. A chance for what? I do not know, but that is what I felt.
I quickly started organizing things so that I wouldn't have to do it later. I wanted as much time to myself as possible.
I knew I had already planned to do somewhat of a regimented workout program, just for grins, to see what I had in me these days, and too, to test my discipline and to let out some hugely pent up energy that has been needing to come out for quite some time now. Pacing the floor or making rounds around the restaurant makes for a great cardio workout, (not that I was looking for one), but somehow, for me, when I am focused on my own workout plan, just to feel good, I wind up flying to the moon and back.
I did a program for myself like I would any client. I thought about where I am, physically and mentally, considered what I would realistically be willing to do, and not do, thought about food, and how I wanted to eat, what makes me feel good and what makes me feel like crap.
I did my own personal analysis.
I had been running the last several months with my dogs, and since they had gotten into a pack fight again, and now have to be separated, I take them for a run, one by one, every night and every morning to get some of their aggression out. Well......not only did it take their aggression out, it has alleviated a lot of pent of energy and thoughts that I have had for a long, long time now.
An hour or two of running everyday will heal the worst "sinner", (and I say that word jokingly).
It was almost natural that with my time off, I would accelerate that and start doing something really good for myself. Something structured, something to focus on.
All I wanted to do was eat well, and only the things that I knew my body liked and wanted. No exceptions, (only once at blue bonnet cafe eating my favorite lemon meringue pie and banana creme pie), and..... of course I felt drugged the whole way home, but didn't care, it was so awesome!
I wanted to be in nature, of course, ride my bike, garden, cook, redecorate, organize things that had been sitting since I moved here, and to read! Read, read, and read!
Nothing in there said "Be with people", or talk on phones, or socialize, or anything close to that. I was pretty sure that wasn't going to happen, with the exception of meeting with a dog pack specialist who will be more than helpful along my journey, I am sure!
Friends would say, "Gabriela, Go have fun.............go out........do fun things.............have a blast".............and I started to feel guilty that the things I wanted to do were not so great for a "vacation", and was left again with, "Is there something wrong with me?"
I know there isn't... but when no one I know wants to be alone as much as I do, and wants so much quiet, as I do, I begin to wonder and question. Or, maybe they do, but they just can't or won't.......who knows?
My days started to gel and have a routine that felt sooooooo incredibly good, so soul satisfying that it became contagious!
I wanted more and more, because whatever I was doing was filling me up like nothing had in a long, long time. The quiet, the intuition ...........listening to my body, literally taking long moments to actually listen to what it wanted, checking in with it every so often to see and hear what it wanted. Your body truly does talk to you in volumes if you let it, and tells you exactly what it wants, and, how often.
I took all advice and adhered.
Not, I want to lose weight, be fit, stop this or that, but what is it that truly makes me feel whole, inside and out?? What are those things and what to do to make that sensation ten fold?
Well, it wasn't much of a surprise!
Quiet, reading, learning, digesting life, listening, watching life, birds, going for walks, for runs, swimming, being whole in those experiences, listening, listening, listening ............... allowing the sounds of the earth to reverberate inside.... watching a bird for more than a second.....more than two, feeling what it is like to be on the same ground, same turf....communicating with them in their language...........shopping for vegetables, for fish, for meat, for herbs, and anything that would accentuate or complete a meal that I thought would be phenomenal....... finding the right wine........... being particular because I had the time and I could, for god's sake, I could be particular....nobody rushing me, not looking at a clock...........
my simple drives home........in my sweet car........ still new, still wondering how we get to be so lucky to get from A to Z in these little suckers........ God, we are so lucky!
I got to feed the birds like crazy. My poor IPhone was going to blow up I took so many pictures of birds eating out of the feeders, squirrels on the railing, blue jays, cardinals, little finches.......... just amazing to me. If that had been the only thing I did on vacation I would have been truly happy out on my deck, sipping coffee or wine, depending on the time!
I loved waking up to the dogs, taking my time with each one, putting on my classical music, making coffee, and making my way out onto the deck. I always bring my notebook and usually journal, write poetry, letters, or just whatever pops up. To me, if I have it there, I can write if the mood strikes me, if not, it is just as quiet as could be, the dogs are content and I swear it literally is like I have died and gone to heaven. I think of returning to work and it saddens me, to be so far removed from this place of quietude. I love my job and being social but man, I have to tell you...........they are two separate lives.......... both great, but............... hhhhmmmmm...... wow........... I dunno!
Ya know, I willingly write all of this stuff when I don't have to. I hear people say, "You have checked out", you are not based in reality, or you are such a hippie........... whatever they deem me, but I will have to say, for myself, that this is more of a life than what people are living. First off, it is a joke that I am a hippie, I was born in the 60's but was a mere pup in the woods. I have worn Patchouli for over 25 years, I care to love and not hate! If that makes me a hippie, so be it! I am a conscious, aware human being that is sensitive to nature, animals and our earth.............. is that being a hippie or smart? Is that being a hippie or appreciative? I dunno........ you tell me!
I write not to make a point, ever, really, but to share myself because it is a passion of mine. Certainly not to get validation from anyone. After all, I have no clue, honestly, outside of my email list, who gets this, and how it will affect them. That's alright with me.
I simply write for the day, for my moments, what transpires, and how it affectes me. I do hope that somehow, in my writings, that it helps someone, in some small fashion.
I think that I have had plenty of life experiences that would aid in someones growth, so if I am to share some whereabouts, or life situations, that have occured for me, and they in fact help you, in your day........ I am all about it!
That is why 9 days of Nothin' is such a precious thing. It gives me time to drink some really good nectar. To separate myself from what daily life offers and to be able to see life from a more objective perspective, one that hears the call of the divine, and can openly receive that, take it all in, and forge forward with an organic knowledge that will change my days and months to come.
Giving yourself "time off" is some of the best, most crucial advice I would ever share with anyone.
No matter what you do, who you are, or where you are............ EVERYONE NEEDS A BREAK from their minds, from their everyday realities, and from the people they love most. It doesn't mean you don't love them, it means, you are loving them more, by giving yourself what you need, and in turn, giving them, the whole of yourself.
To me, you are doing them a great favor...........forget the dinner you didn't cook.
I am afraid that 9 days of nothin' could turn into 20 days of nothin, to 100 days of nothin, to an insurmountable time alone that would fill 900 cups full of a love that would be inexpressible.
I'll just stay here for now!
I'll let my moments guide me.
Give yourself time.......... away. Find time to contemplate life, your surroundings, and the smallest things that you noticed as a child. You'll see what I mean.
It may not be 9 days, but you're gonna have to start somewhere.
I love you guys......... honestly.....like crazy!
Thank you so much for sharing your lives with me.
Love always,
Gabriela
I did have a vacation, and I was pretty specific, give or take a few things, on how I wanted to spend it.
I knew I wasn't going to Africa, and I knew I wasn't going to the beach. That was actually OK with me.
It had been almost 2 years since I had a vacation, and within that time so much had transpired, that really, all I wanted to do was rest..............simply rest. Body, mind and soul!
The first few days were actually kind of strange, only because I wasn't going and doing, or at least tried not to, at least the way I do at work, and to just "be", here at my house, with nothing really to do, but to be 100% present with my animals, myself, my surroundings, and to just decompress all of the clutter that has accumulated since I have moved here.
Unraveling those feelings and putting them in place was such a catharsis. Along with all of the other feelings that come along with being single, liking it, when no one else does, (nor does anyone want me to be single, it's funny.) No one can comprehend the fact that it IS a wonderful thing to be alone, really digging into who you are. Don't get me wrong, I love the other, I am just not sure how much, in comparison.
In the beginning it felt as if 9 days was so short, not enough to get to where I want to be inside.
It's kind of like the Hurry slowly thing. Do what you need to do, be diligent, but do it slowly and with awareness.
One morning I got so incredibly excited when I woke up. I looked out at the lake, and just balled. It was a good ball though! I felt as if I had been given a chance. A chance for what? I do not know, but that is what I felt.
I quickly started organizing things so that I wouldn't have to do it later. I wanted as much time to myself as possible.
I knew I had already planned to do somewhat of a regimented workout program, just for grins, to see what I had in me these days, and too, to test my discipline and to let out some hugely pent up energy that has been needing to come out for quite some time now. Pacing the floor or making rounds around the restaurant makes for a great cardio workout, (not that I was looking for one), but somehow, for me, when I am focused on my own workout plan, just to feel good, I wind up flying to the moon and back.
I did a program for myself like I would any client. I thought about where I am, physically and mentally, considered what I would realistically be willing to do, and not do, thought about food, and how I wanted to eat, what makes me feel good and what makes me feel like crap.
I did my own personal analysis.
I had been running the last several months with my dogs, and since they had gotten into a pack fight again, and now have to be separated, I take them for a run, one by one, every night and every morning to get some of their aggression out. Well......not only did it take their aggression out, it has alleviated a lot of pent of energy and thoughts that I have had for a long, long time now.
An hour or two of running everyday will heal the worst "sinner", (and I say that word jokingly).
It was almost natural that with my time off, I would accelerate that and start doing something really good for myself. Something structured, something to focus on.
All I wanted to do was eat well, and only the things that I knew my body liked and wanted. No exceptions, (only once at blue bonnet cafe eating my favorite lemon meringue pie and banana creme pie), and..... of course I felt drugged the whole way home, but didn't care, it was so awesome!
I wanted to be in nature, of course, ride my bike, garden, cook, redecorate, organize things that had been sitting since I moved here, and to read! Read, read, and read!
Nothing in there said "Be with people", or talk on phones, or socialize, or anything close to that. I was pretty sure that wasn't going to happen, with the exception of meeting with a dog pack specialist who will be more than helpful along my journey, I am sure!
Friends would say, "Gabriela, Go have fun.............go out........do fun things.............have a blast".............and I started to feel guilty that the things I wanted to do were not so great for a "vacation", and was left again with, "Is there something wrong with me?"
I know there isn't... but when no one I know wants to be alone as much as I do, and wants so much quiet, as I do, I begin to wonder and question. Or, maybe they do, but they just can't or won't.......who knows?
My days started to gel and have a routine that felt sooooooo incredibly good, so soul satisfying that it became contagious!
I wanted more and more, because whatever I was doing was filling me up like nothing had in a long, long time. The quiet, the intuition ...........listening to my body, literally taking long moments to actually listen to what it wanted, checking in with it every so often to see and hear what it wanted. Your body truly does talk to you in volumes if you let it, and tells you exactly what it wants, and, how often.
I took all advice and adhered.
Not, I want to lose weight, be fit, stop this or that, but what is it that truly makes me feel whole, inside and out?? What are those things and what to do to make that sensation ten fold?
Well, it wasn't much of a surprise!
Quiet, reading, learning, digesting life, listening, watching life, birds, going for walks, for runs, swimming, being whole in those experiences, listening, listening, listening ............... allowing the sounds of the earth to reverberate inside.... watching a bird for more than a second.....more than two, feeling what it is like to be on the same ground, same turf....communicating with them in their language...........shopping for vegetables, for fish, for meat, for herbs, and anything that would accentuate or complete a meal that I thought would be phenomenal....... finding the right wine........... being particular because I had the time and I could, for god's sake, I could be particular....nobody rushing me, not looking at a clock...........
my simple drives home........in my sweet car........ still new, still wondering how we get to be so lucky to get from A to Z in these little suckers........ God, we are so lucky!
I got to feed the birds like crazy. My poor IPhone was going to blow up I took so many pictures of birds eating out of the feeders, squirrels on the railing, blue jays, cardinals, little finches.......... just amazing to me. If that had been the only thing I did on vacation I would have been truly happy out on my deck, sipping coffee or wine, depending on the time!
I loved waking up to the dogs, taking my time with each one, putting on my classical music, making coffee, and making my way out onto the deck. I always bring my notebook and usually journal, write poetry, letters, or just whatever pops up. To me, if I have it there, I can write if the mood strikes me, if not, it is just as quiet as could be, the dogs are content and I swear it literally is like I have died and gone to heaven. I think of returning to work and it saddens me, to be so far removed from this place of quietude. I love my job and being social but man, I have to tell you...........they are two separate lives.......... both great, but............... hhhhmmmmm...... wow........... I dunno!
Ya know, I willingly write all of this stuff when I don't have to. I hear people say, "You have checked out", you are not based in reality, or you are such a hippie........... whatever they deem me, but I will have to say, for myself, that this is more of a life than what people are living. First off, it is a joke that I am a hippie, I was born in the 60's but was a mere pup in the woods. I have worn Patchouli for over 25 years, I care to love and not hate! If that makes me a hippie, so be it! I am a conscious, aware human being that is sensitive to nature, animals and our earth.............. is that being a hippie or smart? Is that being a hippie or appreciative? I dunno........ you tell me!
I write not to make a point, ever, really, but to share myself because it is a passion of mine. Certainly not to get validation from anyone. After all, I have no clue, honestly, outside of my email list, who gets this, and how it will affect them. That's alright with me.
I simply write for the day, for my moments, what transpires, and how it affectes me. I do hope that somehow, in my writings, that it helps someone, in some small fashion.
I think that I have had plenty of life experiences that would aid in someones growth, so if I am to share some whereabouts, or life situations, that have occured for me, and they in fact help you, in your day........ I am all about it!
That is why 9 days of Nothin' is such a precious thing. It gives me time to drink some really good nectar. To separate myself from what daily life offers and to be able to see life from a more objective perspective, one that hears the call of the divine, and can openly receive that, take it all in, and forge forward with an organic knowledge that will change my days and months to come.
Giving yourself "time off" is some of the best, most crucial advice I would ever share with anyone.
No matter what you do, who you are, or where you are............ EVERYONE NEEDS A BREAK from their minds, from their everyday realities, and from the people they love most. It doesn't mean you don't love them, it means, you are loving them more, by giving yourself what you need, and in turn, giving them, the whole of yourself.
To me, you are doing them a great favor...........forget the dinner you didn't cook.
I am afraid that 9 days of nothin' could turn into 20 days of nothin, to 100 days of nothin, to an insurmountable time alone that would fill 900 cups full of a love that would be inexpressible.
I'll just stay here for now!
I'll let my moments guide me.
Give yourself time.......... away. Find time to contemplate life, your surroundings, and the smallest things that you noticed as a child. You'll see what I mean.
It may not be 9 days, but you're gonna have to start somewhere.
I love you guys......... honestly.....like crazy!
Thank you so much for sharing your lives with me.
Love always,
Gabriela
Monday, September 20, 2010
FOR THE BOOKS......
Hmmmmmm........ Pork Loin braised in a Semi Sweet Port Wine demi glaze with Roasted Elephant Garlic, and slow cooked with Tri-color black peppercorns.
Roasted Home Grown tomatoes, baby spinach and portabello mushrooms sauteed with caramelized onions, fresh garlic, lemon and toasted Thyme.
Not to mention the Fresh Porcini Mushroom Basmati Rice slowly cooked to a succulent perfection........
And well, it has to be accompanied by something like, or other than a Masciarelli Montepulicano d'Abruzzo.
I'd do dessert if it were here, but I had my fare share at the Blue Bonnet Cafe in Marble Falls the other day.
I'm good gosh darn it..........I'm good!
See? You can eat! You can enjoy your life.................
It's all about balance! Balance!
Enjoy my friends, and hopefully I can cook for you someday and we can enjoy the magnificence of friends, food, wine and tons of laughter..............God knows we need it amidst it all................
Gnite and sweet dreams!
Gabriela
Roasted Home Grown tomatoes, baby spinach and portabello mushrooms sauteed with caramelized onions, fresh garlic, lemon and toasted Thyme.
Not to mention the Fresh Porcini Mushroom Basmati Rice slowly cooked to a succulent perfection........
And well, it has to be accompanied by something like, or other than a Masciarelli Montepulicano d'Abruzzo.
I'd do dessert if it were here, but I had my fare share at the Blue Bonnet Cafe in Marble Falls the other day.
I'm good gosh darn it..........I'm good!
See? You can eat! You can enjoy your life.................
It's all about balance! Balance!
Enjoy my friends, and hopefully I can cook for you someday and we can enjoy the magnificence of friends, food, wine and tons of laughter..............God knows we need it amidst it all................
Gnite and sweet dreams!
Gabriela
HOW CAN WE SEE THINGS DIFFERENTLY TO CHANGE?
I was out biking today, and it was driving me crazy knowing that half the world, practically HATES TO EXERCISE!
The mere mention of that word gives people a huge flash of sweating, giving up their good times, or their time in general, their not so good food that they love, or drinks that seem like a huge NO NO, not watching TV, but doing some repetitious thing for 30 or 40 minutes in a gym full of people that they could care less about, let alone bare their bodies that they really don't even look at anymore. Why? Because they hate what they see anyway......... and so why in God's name would they want to wear anything that would accentuate that "horror" that their mind has told them it is! So then, the blinders go on, they grab a coke, some quick food that will make them feel better, or comfortable, and leave it at......."at least I thought about it" kinda thing.
I am not saying that this is the case for everyone, mind you, but the vast majority of people that I see and hear, are just not motivated and will not make the time for their bodies.
It makes me sad that there is that perpetual way of thinking about the body.
I do get it. I understand all angles of it. I have been there. I've been lazy, I've been aware that I just don't feel like it because other things are preoccupying my mind, and it seems like a chore, I understand that it takes time, and patience, and simply, what would you rather be doing, having nacho's and margarhita's or pumping iron at Gold's Gym?
Patience is something I do have, but it is selective, if I can be honest. Time? Well, that is another thing, but given the focus, is not an obstacle, by any means, for me,and I could probably speak for many of us. I am a true believer in, we do what we want to do, and have the energy for the things we love doing, but if we just don't feel like doing it.......then, "man, I'm really tired"........ I don't have the where with all to do that". BULL! It is a state of mind. I'm not being a jerk, shoot, I say this to myself. "Gabriela you lie", you just don't feel like doing it, admit it". And then I laugh, and go, "HAHAHA, exactly.". At least I can be honest about it. "I don't feel like it". But to say, "I can't, or I am not good at it, or it's not in me, or any other excuse is lazy". Sorry, but it is!
I almost want to take the word "Exercise" out of the dictionary, out of our vocabulary, and replace it with something else. Say something simple like, playing. Playing is a great word for me, since when I train someone, or even myself, IT IS PLAY TIME!
Yes, we are "working out" but the time passes and we laugh, and we share, and we have such a great time just being, that the "exercise" becomes so secondary, and before you know it, the time is up, and you are going, "Awwww!!!!!". I mean, I do it for myself. I go running, or biking and I am in total awe. I never set out to say, "I'm going to work out". I know, on my run, or my bike ride, I will be experiencing nature, in all of it's glory, seeing things I don't from my car, or being at work, or doing chores, or whatever. The other day, I swear, I literally thought I was in France, biking in the beautiful hills, looking at the gorgeous trees, the amazing homes, people reveling in their lawns, their landscape, getting vegetables from their gardens, butterflies swarming, I kid you not, I mean all kinds of awesome treasures. I saw snakes, terantulas, birds that literally looked like salt water fish with their coloring, I mean it was the highlight of my vacation.
How often do we give ourselves unlimited time to experience nature like that?
Even with lifting weights, I never want the time to end. I know that sounds ludicrous, but when you really start understanding what you are doing, no matter what it is, it can become really fun, and you see the importance of it, and how it molds you, even if you don't like it in any way shape or form. (use me for example with doing inventory sheets at work). I am not, in any stretch of the means, going to tell you that I love it, or, even like it, but once I got the hang of what it was, how it was supposed to be done, and the results that come along with doing it consistently, I kinda went, "oh, this isn't so bad after all". Trust me, I'm not saying I was racing to work wanting to do Inventory, but a little here, a little there, I know, and understand that it helps me, on several different levels, and it is OK, to learn to like something, for the benefit of something greater than what we can see, in our small little vision at times.
With time, it will give you the same "high" as being with the love in your life, the fine wine you choose over and over again, that ecstasy when reaching the highest form of physical pleasure you can experience.
Trust me, it will find it's way to you, when you open yourself up to the possibility of getting acquainted with your body in a different way, rather than how you have perceived it in the past, or even now as you read this.
Get to know it in a more intimate and allowing way, not being so judgemental about it. Know it in a little bit of a deeper way, than you have, and I promise you that it will open a door for you, and you will be able to see and feel your body in such an amazing way that will, and I say WILL, transform you, your physique, and your way of viewing this incredible, phenomenon that we are walking around in, taking for such granted, the amazing things that it actually allows us to do on a daily basis, every day, every waking moment.
Give credence where credence is due.
After all, if we don't take care of these bodies, WHERE ARE WE GOING TO LIVE?
I love you guys and want to expand, and grow, outside of our tiny little perceptions of how we think life is, or our bodies, or anything else for that matter.
Tonight, let's throw away ALL IDEAS of how we think things are, and how we think they should be, and stay open to new possibilities and ways of making us expand outside of our small nucleas, and realize that there is a whole entire Universe out there that is way smarter than we are, and much more privy to these intricate things we call our minds and our bodies, and for once, lets not take such control, and allow something greater to take precedence, and just take a gamble, to see, and to feel what it is like on the "other side".
Touche' to new ideas, new ways, and anything....... by god........ anything......... outside... of.... the ............norm!
Total support, and total love,
Always,
Gabriela
~
The mere mention of that word gives people a huge flash of sweating, giving up their good times, or their time in general, their not so good food that they love, or drinks that seem like a huge NO NO, not watching TV, but doing some repetitious thing for 30 or 40 minutes in a gym full of people that they could care less about, let alone bare their bodies that they really don't even look at anymore. Why? Because they hate what they see anyway......... and so why in God's name would they want to wear anything that would accentuate that "horror" that their mind has told them it is! So then, the blinders go on, they grab a coke, some quick food that will make them feel better, or comfortable, and leave it at......."at least I thought about it" kinda thing.
I am not saying that this is the case for everyone, mind you, but the vast majority of people that I see and hear, are just not motivated and will not make the time for their bodies.
It makes me sad that there is that perpetual way of thinking about the body.
I do get it. I understand all angles of it. I have been there. I've been lazy, I've been aware that I just don't feel like it because other things are preoccupying my mind, and it seems like a chore, I understand that it takes time, and patience, and simply, what would you rather be doing, having nacho's and margarhita's or pumping iron at Gold's Gym?
Patience is something I do have, but it is selective, if I can be honest. Time? Well, that is another thing, but given the focus, is not an obstacle, by any means, for me,and I could probably speak for many of us. I am a true believer in, we do what we want to do, and have the energy for the things we love doing, but if we just don't feel like doing it.......then, "man, I'm really tired"........ I don't have the where with all to do that". BULL! It is a state of mind. I'm not being a jerk, shoot, I say this to myself. "Gabriela you lie", you just don't feel like doing it, admit it". And then I laugh, and go, "HAHAHA, exactly.". At least I can be honest about it. "I don't feel like it". But to say, "I can't, or I am not good at it, or it's not in me, or any other excuse is lazy". Sorry, but it is!
I almost want to take the word "Exercise" out of the dictionary, out of our vocabulary, and replace it with something else. Say something simple like, playing. Playing is a great word for me, since when I train someone, or even myself, IT IS PLAY TIME!
Yes, we are "working out" but the time passes and we laugh, and we share, and we have such a great time just being, that the "exercise" becomes so secondary, and before you know it, the time is up, and you are going, "Awwww!!!!!". I mean, I do it for myself. I go running, or biking and I am in total awe. I never set out to say, "I'm going to work out". I know, on my run, or my bike ride, I will be experiencing nature, in all of it's glory, seeing things I don't from my car, or being at work, or doing chores, or whatever. The other day, I swear, I literally thought I was in France, biking in the beautiful hills, looking at the gorgeous trees, the amazing homes, people reveling in their lawns, their landscape, getting vegetables from their gardens, butterflies swarming, I kid you not, I mean all kinds of awesome treasures. I saw snakes, terantulas, birds that literally looked like salt water fish with their coloring, I mean it was the highlight of my vacation.
How often do we give ourselves unlimited time to experience nature like that?
Even with lifting weights, I never want the time to end. I know that sounds ludicrous, but when you really start understanding what you are doing, no matter what it is, it can become really fun, and you see the importance of it, and how it molds you, even if you don't like it in any way shape or form. (use me for example with doing inventory sheets at work). I am not, in any stretch of the means, going to tell you that I love it, or, even like it, but once I got the hang of what it was, how it was supposed to be done, and the results that come along with doing it consistently, I kinda went, "oh, this isn't so bad after all". Trust me, I'm not saying I was racing to work wanting to do Inventory, but a little here, a little there, I know, and understand that it helps me, on several different levels, and it is OK, to learn to like something, for the benefit of something greater than what we can see, in our small little vision at times.
With time, it will give you the same "high" as being with the love in your life, the fine wine you choose over and over again, that ecstasy when reaching the highest form of physical pleasure you can experience.
Trust me, it will find it's way to you, when you open yourself up to the possibility of getting acquainted with your body in a different way, rather than how you have perceived it in the past, or even now as you read this.
Get to know it in a more intimate and allowing way, not being so judgemental about it. Know it in a little bit of a deeper way, than you have, and I promise you that it will open a door for you, and you will be able to see and feel your body in such an amazing way that will, and I say WILL, transform you, your physique, and your way of viewing this incredible, phenomenon that we are walking around in, taking for such granted, the amazing things that it actually allows us to do on a daily basis, every day, every waking moment.
Give credence where credence is due.
After all, if we don't take care of these bodies, WHERE ARE WE GOING TO LIVE?
I love you guys and want to expand, and grow, outside of our tiny little perceptions of how we think life is, or our bodies, or anything else for that matter.
Tonight, let's throw away ALL IDEAS of how we think things are, and how we think they should be, and stay open to new possibilities and ways of making us expand outside of our small nucleas, and realize that there is a whole entire Universe out there that is way smarter than we are, and much more privy to these intricate things we call our minds and our bodies, and for once, lets not take such control, and allow something greater to take precedence, and just take a gamble, to see, and to feel what it is like on the "other side".
Touche' to new ideas, new ways, and anything....... by god........ anything......... outside... of.... the ............norm!
Total support, and total love,
Always,
Gabriela
~
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