WOW! It's been awhile since I've written.
I sent a friend who I haven't been in touch with for almost 30 years, my blog, and it caught me.. wow, it's been a little bit since I have written.
So many different changes, all good!!!!
The name of the game right now is being comfortable with uncertainty. A book I love by Pema Chodron.
I've practiced most of my life staying in the moment and preparing for that "flat tire". It has served me so well,
Because there has been so much ambiguity in my life it has forced me to practice being more in the moment and truly understanding what that means. It does mean practicing. It does mean discipline.
Two things I love immensely!
I love those two words because within those words, and within the action behind the words becomes a result. A positive result of how you can shape your life to your liking.
This has nothing to do with succeeding to become someone or something.
It has to do with melding into who you are and chiseling down the list to a very few simple things of how you want your life to look.
The next is ACTION!
What are you going to do to make those things happen?
It's not going to happen by osmosis. There is action that needs to happen.
Nothing heavy just tiny steps forward to a goal, or two or three. The sky is the limit.
I never like anything heavy when making a plan,
Plans need a sensitivity and a gentleness as if you are bringing home your first baby. Seriously. If you want to actually achieve that goal you need to look at it as if it is THE MOST important thing in your life and just DO IT!! There is no....... UGH.......... IT'S HOT............ or ........... I don't feel like it. Because if you had a child, and they needed you, you would do it because it HAS TO HAPPEN. You can't neglect that child. So......... why don't we pay that same attention to ourselves and our goals?
Interesting.
We get lazy!!
The flip side of the coin is........... We can't be wonder woman, or super man all of the time.
I've been telling some of my friends to slow down......... man.......... slow down........ you are on a fast track to hell........... the pace you are going. And I say that to myself as well. Is it really worth it to put ourselves at risk? To accomplish a goal?
That is where balance comes in. Everyone has to find that for themselves. Everyone has their own eclectic life, their own schedules and plans, and so it is an individual process that we have to look at and make solid decisions on how to balance it all with our crazy lives.
This is my practice.
I am very grateful that I have learned how to STOP. To see what is happening and to move without fear.To move with a trust and a learning that I only get this one body. I have to take care of it in all ways. Without that, I cannot function. As much balance as I can get, the better.
In that, I am human..........this is the trek.
Thank you for all of you who remind me to stay connected, remember who I am, and to laugh in the process.
With love and gratitude.........
Wednesday, September 10, 2014
Friday, April 4, 2014
BEING OPEN TO CHANGE
It's been a long, long year. So much change and transformation. But then again, isn't that life?
I am beginning to realize that there is no goal in life really. For me anyway. The "goal" is to live my life so complete in the moment. This doesn't mean that I don't make plans or create a future for myself, but I cannot think, for one second, that my little life could be over at any given moment.
So... what does that mean?
For me it means, grabbing every last one of my passions and desires and doing whatever I can on a daily basis to achieve those things. It means setting goals but not being attached to them. It means making plans knowing full well that they could be squelched in a second flat. Thus, plan B. But even plan B could go astray. As for C, D, E and F.
Life is truly temporary. I don't say that because I have read it in a spiritual book or have learned it from my teachings along the way.
I say it from my truth.
Life is fleeting.
Each week I head into Austin for work, I see at least 3 fatal car wrecks on highway 620. Not just once a week but 3 times a week. This has been a regular pattern.
It feels as if a strobe light is on me, in my vehicle and then panning on the road with the people who have gotten into accidents.
I say a silent prayer for them, and also for me, who continues to glide through this life with a lot of grace.
I am very well aware of my life, how crucial it is to stay awake and alert, and to also to do whatever I can to support safety to my being.
Yes, this means, I HONOR NOT TO TEXT AND DRIVE. Wow, What a statement in these times. I really do not even want to talk on the phone while driving and I do to a small degree.
I want to do any and everything to stay as present to the moment as I can.
I don't have a radio in my truck and it has been a blessing in disguise.
Now, again, I am re-introduced to myself, the car, my surroundings and life itself, from a vehicle stand point which is pretty phenomenal if there are no distractions along the way.
It is a literal driving meditation.
The wind, the air, the sky.......... I dunno......... maybe I am old school.
I am moving from a big house, (which I am used to for all of these years), to a very tiny space.
Most of my belongings will not come with me into my home, which is a lot to say for my favorite things that make me feel comfortable and cozy.
This is a different trek for me at this stage of the game.
I AM OPEN TO CHANGE.
I never want to be that person that said NO way ahead of the game, out of fear, for one thing or the other.
I am molding my life to what feels right and what supports the earth, animals, people and the environment.
That is such a generalized statement, but I will back those words up in following posts.
I feel extremely grateful to be a part of this life that allows me to be free with my words,free with my actions and free to share it with like minded individuals.
I hope to always be open to change, to make my goals come to fruition, and without a shadow of a doubt, allow the silent call to speak to me and quietly tell me what the next great move is.
It doesn't matter if anyone gets this or not. That is not what this blog is for.
This blog is a great avenue for me to express myself and put it out there.
Why?
Because if there is anything I set out to do, it is to share the holiness of daily life, the simple things, and what it is that sets me "free".
If, somehow in that, it enables you or helps you to see a different perspective on life, or allows you to do something a little bit off the beaten path, than TOUCHE'.
I just know that with all of my experiences there is no way that I could possibly hold myself back from sharing the most innocent parts of my life that have literally brought me TO LIFE, and also to share my ups and downs that impart life......and it's crazy ups and downs.
I have been very high, and also, very low, but know the beauty of finding balance.
I am utterly grateful for my life and for all of the people who have filtered in one way or the other.
Thankful for freedom of speech.
How blessed I am.
~
I am beginning to realize that there is no goal in life really. For me anyway. The "goal" is to live my life so complete in the moment. This doesn't mean that I don't make plans or create a future for myself, but I cannot think, for one second, that my little life could be over at any given moment.
So... what does that mean?
For me it means, grabbing every last one of my passions and desires and doing whatever I can on a daily basis to achieve those things. It means setting goals but not being attached to them. It means making plans knowing full well that they could be squelched in a second flat. Thus, plan B. But even plan B could go astray. As for C, D, E and F.
Life is truly temporary. I don't say that because I have read it in a spiritual book or have learned it from my teachings along the way.
I say it from my truth.
Life is fleeting.
Each week I head into Austin for work, I see at least 3 fatal car wrecks on highway 620. Not just once a week but 3 times a week. This has been a regular pattern.
It feels as if a strobe light is on me, in my vehicle and then panning on the road with the people who have gotten into accidents.
I say a silent prayer for them, and also for me, who continues to glide through this life with a lot of grace.
I am very well aware of my life, how crucial it is to stay awake and alert, and to also to do whatever I can to support safety to my being.
Yes, this means, I HONOR NOT TO TEXT AND DRIVE. Wow, What a statement in these times. I really do not even want to talk on the phone while driving and I do to a small degree.
I want to do any and everything to stay as present to the moment as I can.
I don't have a radio in my truck and it has been a blessing in disguise.
Now, again, I am re-introduced to myself, the car, my surroundings and life itself, from a vehicle stand point which is pretty phenomenal if there are no distractions along the way.
It is a literal driving meditation.
The wind, the air, the sky.......... I dunno......... maybe I am old school.
I am moving from a big house, (which I am used to for all of these years), to a very tiny space.
Most of my belongings will not come with me into my home, which is a lot to say for my favorite things that make me feel comfortable and cozy.
This is a different trek for me at this stage of the game.
I AM OPEN TO CHANGE.
I never want to be that person that said NO way ahead of the game, out of fear, for one thing or the other.
I am molding my life to what feels right and what supports the earth, animals, people and the environment.
That is such a generalized statement, but I will back those words up in following posts.
I feel extremely grateful to be a part of this life that allows me to be free with my words,free with my actions and free to share it with like minded individuals.
I hope to always be open to change, to make my goals come to fruition, and without a shadow of a doubt, allow the silent call to speak to me and quietly tell me what the next great move is.
It doesn't matter if anyone gets this or not. That is not what this blog is for.
This blog is a great avenue for me to express myself and put it out there.
Why?
Because if there is anything I set out to do, it is to share the holiness of daily life, the simple things, and what it is that sets me "free".
If, somehow in that, it enables you or helps you to see a different perspective on life, or allows you to do something a little bit off the beaten path, than TOUCHE'.
I just know that with all of my experiences there is no way that I could possibly hold myself back from sharing the most innocent parts of my life that have literally brought me TO LIFE, and also to share my ups and downs that impart life......and it's crazy ups and downs.
I have been very high, and also, very low, but know the beauty of finding balance.
I am utterly grateful for my life and for all of the people who have filtered in one way or the other.
Thankful for freedom of speech.
How blessed I am.
~
Sunday, March 9, 2014
REVELING IN MY MOMENTS
Well since I am in transition with moving I decided awhile back that I wasn't going to plant anything until I got to my new home. I packed up all of my plants and herbs and dismantled all of my gardens.
Everyday that I go out into the yard it feels like a huge void.
No plants, no herbs, no vegetables.
I felt so sad, and too, miss going out to clip off some herbs to cook with and miss snagging a few veggies to make the night's dinner.
It's a mad love affair with these simple things.
So I decided well, you know how it goes with moving and building..... there is never an exact move in date, as much as you plan on it, there are always little snaffu's here and there.
So, back go the veggie gardens. In go the herbs, and in goes the thought that worse case scenario, I transplant everything if need be, but in the mean time, things are happening and growing, and back goes the excitement of a child running out the door to see what is popping up and what I can do to nurture all of these babies.
What exactly IS growing on your farm right now Gabriela?
Funny you should ask.
I was just taking inventory.
Hmmmmm....... well..........
For starters.....
Watermelon, Squash, Zucchini, Cucumbers, Poblano Peppers, Habenero Peppers, Rainbow Swiss Chard, Turnips, Romaine Lettuce, Radishes, Tomatoes of all kinds, Oregano, Parsley, Cilantro, Peppermint, Spearmint, Thyme, Sage, Rosemary......... did I forget anything?
That is just for these next few weeks. A myriad of things will be in the ground in two weeks, getting ready for our spring menu's of wonderful food.
I recently got four goats and am in the process of studying how to make goat cheese and milk.
I am so excited and cannot wait to be able to have people learn how this beautiful process works, and to also be able to have hands on with me, to volunteer and to take classes with me as well.
With the weather as it has been it's been so hard to get things prepared for everyone and the move, but now that the weather is about to neutralize a bit, fencing needs to be put up for goats, chickens, ducks, doggies, kitties, piggies, turkeys, quail, doves, parakeets, and more eclectic birds coming.
I will be sending notices out as to when we will have volunteer parties to help get things going quicker. I will provide wonderful home cooked food for all who are willing to help, and assure you a great time with lots of fun and good laughs.
The kitchen is "on fire" tonight with so many good smells.
Stuffed Jalapenos with Cheddar Cheese wrapped in Turkey Bacon. Also, some stuffed with Toffuti for the dairy free peeps. Acorn squash with a 5 grain herbed stuffing. Pineapple, Mango, Habenero Grilled Chicken, Quinoa Salad with Roasted Garlic, honey glazed carrots, asparagus, kale,zucchini and fresh herbs and a Hawaiian fruit salad.
It's pretty darn quiet and everyone seems content here. Diego, ( my parakeet) has settled down after flirting with numerous birds outside the window, the piggies are content after our dinner routine, popcorn treats, and nightly massages, the dogs have had massages and a little steak bone, Honker and Vita had Mrs, Baird's bread and Organic lettuce, the doves were happy that Yellow Kitty didn't eat them and that they got their fair ration of scratch seed, and last but not least, all of my beautiful feral kitties were fed and loved on. I laugh at myself to see how little dishes of food are all over the property because some just won't come up onto the deck. They all have their amazing personalities and they know my call, or my song when I want them to come and eat. It is precious beyond belief.
I do thank god that no one can really hear me.
I'm dancing and singing and cooing and doing all sorts of things to relax these animals, to make them feel safe and that they can trust me.
I love this dance.
I love this dance more than anything you can imagine.
A simple Sunday.
Pretty glorious!
~
Everyday that I go out into the yard it feels like a huge void.
No plants, no herbs, no vegetables.
I felt so sad, and too, miss going out to clip off some herbs to cook with and miss snagging a few veggies to make the night's dinner.
It's a mad love affair with these simple things.
So I decided well, you know how it goes with moving and building..... there is never an exact move in date, as much as you plan on it, there are always little snaffu's here and there.
So, back go the veggie gardens. In go the herbs, and in goes the thought that worse case scenario, I transplant everything if need be, but in the mean time, things are happening and growing, and back goes the excitement of a child running out the door to see what is popping up and what I can do to nurture all of these babies.
What exactly IS growing on your farm right now Gabriela?
Funny you should ask.
I was just taking inventory.
Hmmmmm....... well..........
For starters.....
Watermelon, Squash, Zucchini, Cucumbers, Poblano Peppers, Habenero Peppers, Rainbow Swiss Chard, Turnips, Romaine Lettuce, Radishes, Tomatoes of all kinds, Oregano, Parsley, Cilantro, Peppermint, Spearmint, Thyme, Sage, Rosemary......... did I forget anything?
That is just for these next few weeks. A myriad of things will be in the ground in two weeks, getting ready for our spring menu's of wonderful food.
I recently got four goats and am in the process of studying how to make goat cheese and milk.
I am so excited and cannot wait to be able to have people learn how this beautiful process works, and to also be able to have hands on with me, to volunteer and to take classes with me as well.
With the weather as it has been it's been so hard to get things prepared for everyone and the move, but now that the weather is about to neutralize a bit, fencing needs to be put up for goats, chickens, ducks, doggies, kitties, piggies, turkeys, quail, doves, parakeets, and more eclectic birds coming.
I will be sending notices out as to when we will have volunteer parties to help get things going quicker. I will provide wonderful home cooked food for all who are willing to help, and assure you a great time with lots of fun and good laughs.
The kitchen is "on fire" tonight with so many good smells.
Stuffed Jalapenos with Cheddar Cheese wrapped in Turkey Bacon. Also, some stuffed with Toffuti for the dairy free peeps. Acorn squash with a 5 grain herbed stuffing. Pineapple, Mango, Habenero Grilled Chicken, Quinoa Salad with Roasted Garlic, honey glazed carrots, asparagus, kale,zucchini and fresh herbs and a Hawaiian fruit salad.
It's pretty darn quiet and everyone seems content here. Diego, ( my parakeet) has settled down after flirting with numerous birds outside the window, the piggies are content after our dinner routine, popcorn treats, and nightly massages, the dogs have had massages and a little steak bone, Honker and Vita had Mrs, Baird's bread and Organic lettuce, the doves were happy that Yellow Kitty didn't eat them and that they got their fair ration of scratch seed, and last but not least, all of my beautiful feral kitties were fed and loved on. I laugh at myself to see how little dishes of food are all over the property because some just won't come up onto the deck. They all have their amazing personalities and they know my call, or my song when I want them to come and eat. It is precious beyond belief.
I do thank god that no one can really hear me.
I'm dancing and singing and cooing and doing all sorts of things to relax these animals, to make them feel safe and that they can trust me.
I love this dance.
I love this dance more than anything you can imagine.
A simple Sunday.
Pretty glorious!
~
Friday, March 7, 2014
Gettin' down to Nothin'.
The name of the game these days, for me is getting real simple. Not just simple outwardly, but simple inwardly as well.
It's refreshing and also a little bit scary.
I've lived my life large, in many aspects, and my heart has always been simple, but not everything has been in sync with the word simple on the outside.
I find myself saying quite often that I am old school, and in my heart of hearts I am.
I like things like, family night, whether you have children, animals, or are alone. This night, to me, encompasses no TV, no phones, no noise, just you and the kids, or nature and silence.
Sumptuous food on the stove. Doing nothing or just paying attention to the kids. Filling your cup.
Getting into the garden, tilling the soil, preparing new beds, getting excited about what next months veggies are going to go into the ground. Thinking about what food you are going to make with those veggies and then how you can share it! THAT'S the name of the game for me. Sharing all of this!
It is a day that is not involved with going and doing but just BEING. Emptying the brain and allowing new thoughts to come in, new ideas, and to just let your soul relax into a natural groove.
Every day of the week I am connected to the computer in some way. My IPhone, driving, working, selling, talking, moving, maneuvering in the world to make things happen.
I think I owe it to myself to take a "vacation" from the brain and from life on the outside, to do the things that fill me on the inside. Usually what that means for me is to just not talk, to drown myself in nature and my animals, garden, cook, and to do just everyday normal things but there is no noise.
It gives me such an OOMPH and a recharge for what needs to happen in all areas of my life.
I now have my 5 piggies, two dogs, geese, ducks, doves and as of recent, about 20 feral cats whom I have adopted as my own and jump out of bed, and or rush home to greet them as if it were Christmas morning.
My farm is about to grow in the next few months as I will have more land and will be able to house everyone comfortably.
Turkeys, goats, chickens, ducks, geese and sheep. After all, Turkey Eggs are scrump- delicious, the dogs love them too! Duck eggs...... doggie food and great for baking.......... organic chicken eggs for breakfast and for the animals......... goats milk and cheese...... and what more could you want than to make your own clothes from the wool of a sheep, I mean, c'mon. ONE STOP SHOP!
Then you have the garden.........the herbs, veggies, fruits........... and Gabriela's cooking?
Forget about it!
There is a bigger picture here, but as I am "spoon feeding" myself, I am spoon feeding you with all of my thoughts and ideas about living a simple, sustainable life for you and your family.
Stay tuned for more info on my farm, what is happening, the animals, the food that is brewing, and what is in store for YOU!
Also please stay tuned for other links to music, special sites that will inform you on what is happening in our food industry and current information on our animals and what is REALLY happening.
So much information is out there but sometimes I think with smaller avenues like this blog, it is easier to digest for some people because it isn't so intrusive.
I'm not about the fancy wording or selling of anything, just simple in wanting to spread the word about how we can cut to the chase on being simple, getting down to basics, creating a sustainable living environment, helping one another and helping to save some beautiful animals that deserve to live a full life just like you and I.
For tonight.......... I am just catching up with you and wanting to stay connected.
There are many beautiful things about to happen, so stay with me. If you all have any questions or any information to share, I would love to hear from you. You can either reply to these posts or email me a gabbyrubino@gmail.com
Thank you for supporting me and my animals for so many years.
We love and appreciate you all!!!
Gabriela and The Farm
It's refreshing and also a little bit scary.
I've lived my life large, in many aspects, and my heart has always been simple, but not everything has been in sync with the word simple on the outside.
I find myself saying quite often that I am old school, and in my heart of hearts I am.
I like things like, family night, whether you have children, animals, or are alone. This night, to me, encompasses no TV, no phones, no noise, just you and the kids, or nature and silence.
Sumptuous food on the stove. Doing nothing or just paying attention to the kids. Filling your cup.
Getting into the garden, tilling the soil, preparing new beds, getting excited about what next months veggies are going to go into the ground. Thinking about what food you are going to make with those veggies and then how you can share it! THAT'S the name of the game for me. Sharing all of this!
It is a day that is not involved with going and doing but just BEING. Emptying the brain and allowing new thoughts to come in, new ideas, and to just let your soul relax into a natural groove.
Every day of the week I am connected to the computer in some way. My IPhone, driving, working, selling, talking, moving, maneuvering in the world to make things happen.
I think I owe it to myself to take a "vacation" from the brain and from life on the outside, to do the things that fill me on the inside. Usually what that means for me is to just not talk, to drown myself in nature and my animals, garden, cook, and to do just everyday normal things but there is no noise.
It gives me such an OOMPH and a recharge for what needs to happen in all areas of my life.
I now have my 5 piggies, two dogs, geese, ducks, doves and as of recent, about 20 feral cats whom I have adopted as my own and jump out of bed, and or rush home to greet them as if it were Christmas morning.
My farm is about to grow in the next few months as I will have more land and will be able to house everyone comfortably.
Turkeys, goats, chickens, ducks, geese and sheep. After all, Turkey Eggs are scrump- delicious, the dogs love them too! Duck eggs...... doggie food and great for baking.......... organic chicken eggs for breakfast and for the animals......... goats milk and cheese...... and what more could you want than to make your own clothes from the wool of a sheep, I mean, c'mon. ONE STOP SHOP!
Then you have the garden.........the herbs, veggies, fruits........... and Gabriela's cooking?
Forget about it!
There is a bigger picture here, but as I am "spoon feeding" myself, I am spoon feeding you with all of my thoughts and ideas about living a simple, sustainable life for you and your family.
Stay tuned for more info on my farm, what is happening, the animals, the food that is brewing, and what is in store for YOU!
Also please stay tuned for other links to music, special sites that will inform you on what is happening in our food industry and current information on our animals and what is REALLY happening.
So much information is out there but sometimes I think with smaller avenues like this blog, it is easier to digest for some people because it isn't so intrusive.
I'm not about the fancy wording or selling of anything, just simple in wanting to spread the word about how we can cut to the chase on being simple, getting down to basics, creating a sustainable living environment, helping one another and helping to save some beautiful animals that deserve to live a full life just like you and I.
For tonight.......... I am just catching up with you and wanting to stay connected.
There are many beautiful things about to happen, so stay with me. If you all have any questions or any information to share, I would love to hear from you. You can either reply to these posts or email me a gabbyrubino@gmail.com
Thank you for supporting me and my animals for so many years.
We love and appreciate you all!!!
Gabriela and The Farm
Sunday, November 3, 2013
A BLESSED AND ADVENTUROUS RIDE
It is so hard to encapsulize the enormity of a year longs experience in a place and time.
I find it difficult to articulate my time here in Georgetown.
From the moment I met E, it was a past life reoccurring for one reason or another.
I can actually name quite a few, and it is no little thing.
I know this blog will probably seem somewhat ambiguous, because it is too much detail to name.
I know and have felt very strongly in my life that things happen for a reason, but that sentence almost seems trite. Almost esoteric in a way, but not really.
I don't want to be concerned about the "reader" and how my words will be interpreted.
I merely am expressing myself, as usual, unedited, and not caring too much about how it is read.
I was in a situation that led me to move instantly.
I am not good with battling.
I like fair play, and if it is not fair play, I scramble.
My mind does not do good with games.
Long story short, my life came to a cornerstone where I had to scramble, with less than nothing.
I had a friend who I delivered food to a few days a week that I just adored.
I told her of my situation and she genuinely gave me some good advice and sent me to her dear friend who she thought could be of help to me.
From that moment on, I have felt like God had sent me angels. Not just one but several, and for different reasons.
I mean, god was showering me in ways that baffled me, yet my soul understood and recognized the enormity of grace. The Grace that I know in my heart as a sheer gift.
I had been given this, in more ways than I could count at the time, but as I sit here today, and everyday, really, I look around, at EVERYTHING and realize how grateful I am for so many different things and will never take anything for granted.
This could, and probably will be, a book. Too much for one blog, so I will catch you up.
I just felt compelled tonight to write about a fascinating, and beautiful journey that I have been on for the past year, and to recognize the amazing "characters" that have entered into my life and how I feel indebted to them for their graciousness,their humbleness, and their willingness to believe in my honest soul.
I honestly will never forget these kindred spirits for the rest of my life.
This is no small undertaking.
People don't have to trust.
And quite honestly, they don't have to give if they don't want to, but yet..............THEY DID!
I am humbled beyond belief in so many ways and my night is all about gratitude.
I sit here in my living room and look around in wonderment. Detail for detail.
I could never be sitting comfortable, and safe, and in such a land of wonderment, if it weren't for a few precious souls that believed in my heart and allowed me to rest in their beloved space.
I feel honored and blessed and so many things that I have yet to articulate.
Thank you to the Source that continuously feeds this soul and allows me to give back to all that serves me.
I am in sheer gratitude for my life and for every moment that I am breathing and alive in GOD.
Thank you for my life.
~
I find it difficult to articulate my time here in Georgetown.
From the moment I met E, it was a past life reoccurring for one reason or another.
I can actually name quite a few, and it is no little thing.
I know this blog will probably seem somewhat ambiguous, because it is too much detail to name.
I know and have felt very strongly in my life that things happen for a reason, but that sentence almost seems trite. Almost esoteric in a way, but not really.
I don't want to be concerned about the "reader" and how my words will be interpreted.
I merely am expressing myself, as usual, unedited, and not caring too much about how it is read.
I was in a situation that led me to move instantly.
I am not good with battling.
I like fair play, and if it is not fair play, I scramble.
My mind does not do good with games.
Long story short, my life came to a cornerstone where I had to scramble, with less than nothing.
I had a friend who I delivered food to a few days a week that I just adored.
I told her of my situation and she genuinely gave me some good advice and sent me to her dear friend who she thought could be of help to me.
From that moment on, I have felt like God had sent me angels. Not just one but several, and for different reasons.
I mean, god was showering me in ways that baffled me, yet my soul understood and recognized the enormity of grace. The Grace that I know in my heart as a sheer gift.
I had been given this, in more ways than I could count at the time, but as I sit here today, and everyday, really, I look around, at EVERYTHING and realize how grateful I am for so many different things and will never take anything for granted.
This could, and probably will be, a book. Too much for one blog, so I will catch you up.
I just felt compelled tonight to write about a fascinating, and beautiful journey that I have been on for the past year, and to recognize the amazing "characters" that have entered into my life and how I feel indebted to them for their graciousness,their humbleness, and their willingness to believe in my honest soul.
I honestly will never forget these kindred spirits for the rest of my life.
This is no small undertaking.
People don't have to trust.
And quite honestly, they don't have to give if they don't want to, but yet..............THEY DID!
I am humbled beyond belief in so many ways and my night is all about gratitude.
I sit here in my living room and look around in wonderment. Detail for detail.
I could never be sitting comfortable, and safe, and in such a land of wonderment, if it weren't for a few precious souls that believed in my heart and allowed me to rest in their beloved space.
I feel honored and blessed and so many things that I have yet to articulate.
Thank you to the Source that continuously feeds this soul and allows me to give back to all that serves me.
I am in sheer gratitude for my life and for every moment that I am breathing and alive in GOD.
Thank you for my life.
~
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
STILLNESS
When I am around chaos, or life situations, or just daily life that takes me to a place of unrest, I have to reel myself in. I do that in a way that I know is good for me to stay balanced and settled and in a solid foundation that will allow me to cope with anything that is thrown my way.
I realize everyone has their own way, and no one way is THE WAY.
For me though, in general, I need quiet, quiet, quiet.
From the time I wake up, my mind is already telling me if I need to be depressed, excited, angry, anxiety ridden........ you name it. It is right there to tell me that my day should not be settled because of this that or the other thing. It takes everything for me to sit up to ward off unwanted negative thoughts that want to make their way in.
I have devoted my life to changing that tune.
My life has dwindled down to a very few simple things that make me happy and what I know to work for me in this crazy little life.
Things aren't easy. We get dealt things that we aren't prepared for, that we have to deal with no matter what. Our bodies do a dance that we don't recognize and we have to act accordingly. Life situations come at us out of the blue and we wonder, how on earth will we ever deal with these things?
Are we truly equipped for this sort of thing?
I would not have said that years ago when my mother was passing.
I thought that was the end of my world and that I didn't have it in me to deal with whatever my body was taking on in result of her illness/death.
I went through it, came out of it, and still, 6 years later, am digesting that time, formulating my thoughts, my existence with her, my brothers and sisters, and my whole entire up bringing for that matter.
If you are any kind of a thinker, this will come upon you. Things need to be sorted out.
It is a bitter sweet ride, one that I have embraced and have loved, actually.
Throughout this time, and as a young child, it all remains the same. I devote my life to understanding my existence here and with all who are in my life.
My parents are another story, and a story WILL BE told.
I have been taught grand things. Too much for a blog. May I save it for the long awaited book that my mother so wanted from me before she passed.
Life is painful. That is just a reality I have come to embrace.
My mother said to me when she passed, "Honey, this is no easy ride". Be brave!
I get it more and more everyday.
The key for me is STILLNESS.
If I cannot hear beyond the noise, than life is watered down to an idea.
A mere thought of what is supposed to be.
I am so very grateful for my moments.
The daily moments that are kept sacred, and away from the chaos of the world, the "norm", and what is "supposed to be".
There IS a voice inside.
When I give myself that time, that solitude, no question arises. It just is, and I feel complete.~
I realize everyone has their own way, and no one way is THE WAY.
For me though, in general, I need quiet, quiet, quiet.
From the time I wake up, my mind is already telling me if I need to be depressed, excited, angry, anxiety ridden........ you name it. It is right there to tell me that my day should not be settled because of this that or the other thing. It takes everything for me to sit up to ward off unwanted negative thoughts that want to make their way in.
I have devoted my life to changing that tune.
My life has dwindled down to a very few simple things that make me happy and what I know to work for me in this crazy little life.
Things aren't easy. We get dealt things that we aren't prepared for, that we have to deal with no matter what. Our bodies do a dance that we don't recognize and we have to act accordingly. Life situations come at us out of the blue and we wonder, how on earth will we ever deal with these things?
Are we truly equipped for this sort of thing?
I would not have said that years ago when my mother was passing.
I thought that was the end of my world and that I didn't have it in me to deal with whatever my body was taking on in result of her illness/death.
I went through it, came out of it, and still, 6 years later, am digesting that time, formulating my thoughts, my existence with her, my brothers and sisters, and my whole entire up bringing for that matter.
If you are any kind of a thinker, this will come upon you. Things need to be sorted out.
It is a bitter sweet ride, one that I have embraced and have loved, actually.
Throughout this time, and as a young child, it all remains the same. I devote my life to understanding my existence here and with all who are in my life.
My parents are another story, and a story WILL BE told.
I have been taught grand things. Too much for a blog. May I save it for the long awaited book that my mother so wanted from me before she passed.
Life is painful. That is just a reality I have come to embrace.
My mother said to me when she passed, "Honey, this is no easy ride". Be brave!
I get it more and more everyday.
The key for me is STILLNESS.
If I cannot hear beyond the noise, than life is watered down to an idea.
A mere thought of what is supposed to be.
I am so very grateful for my moments.
The daily moments that are kept sacred, and away from the chaos of the world, the "norm", and what is "supposed to be".
There IS a voice inside.
When I give myself that time, that solitude, no question arises. It just is, and I feel complete.~
Friday, September 20, 2013
WE DON'T REALLY KNOW........DO WE?
For a long time I have lived my life as if the next moment could change and I wouldn't know from one moment to the next what would happen.
I STILL live my life this way.
It is my solid reality and so that dictates how I maneuver in the world.
I have my own solid "plans" on how I would like for things to look, but I know damn well that as soon as those words are let off of my tongue, that "it" is subject to change.
I wake up knowing that it is a great possibility that leaving the house........ "I WILL GET A FLAT TIRE", no matter how that shows up. It could be that my phone dies, or that I truly DO get a flat tire, or my friend is in need when my schedule is booked. You know, you have all of your plans and your day is scheduled, yet life happens and you either acquiesce or you fight life and feel miserable along the way.
Things lately seem to be showing the impermanence of our existence.
Friends and family are either passing or going through major medical situations and this IS IT!
We have had our time here, and have done what we wanted, but the "tail end" for some of us is facing us in the mirror and it can be an altering state, at least for me it is.
I look at my childhood, my teens, my early 20's and on, and see the picture, what I have chosen and how it is all being played out, and I am finding myself at a stand still.
It is mind boggling how we get this ONE life.
We don't get it as kids, yet my awareness as a kid and teen were too evolved for my liking. I knew too much for my age, wisdom wise, and found it extremely difficult to just "be". I felt like an old woman, looking back on her life. Very difficult to explain.
Everyday, I do realize that my time could be up.
I am not afraid to say so.
I have lived a very full life, with no regrets.
I'm not saying that times weren't hard or difficult, but they molded me, transformed me, and taught me things. Simple as that.
My goal is to always try to help, but in that is a very complex way of living.
Taking responsibility for WHY.
No matter what it looks like, my life is cut out to serve. In what capacity, well......... I can say, people, animals, kids.......... feed the hungry......... I don't know........... everyday is a surprise to me. If I am able to do something for someone it brightens my heart, my soul. I feel this bubbling sensation from my gut. It's so organic, I can barely stand it.
I have so many passions, so many goals, but if it were all to end tomorrow, I truly would know that I gave my heart to the things that I thought were important. I guess if I missed something it would find me and I would be able to finish "it" at some point and time, whether here now, or next time.
The fact of the matter is......... I DO NOT KNOW................. when my little time is up.
I have been graced with a pretty stellar existence.
If I were to spell that out now I'd be in tears.
My simple life has been amazing, so telling, and wow, so grandiose!
I know everyone has their own story, and I love hearing those stories.
When I think of mine, I smile, I cry, I contemplate, and know in my heart that this is just my own personal journey, and I take what I can from it and learn, and grow and look at life as the best possible teaching there could be!
I don't know. There has been a big learning curve this past year and it has catapulted me into a different arena. I'm still making sense of it and sharing along the way.
Stay with me and share as you will.
Just sharing a slice of my life with you.
~
I STILL live my life this way.
It is my solid reality and so that dictates how I maneuver in the world.
I have my own solid "plans" on how I would like for things to look, but I know damn well that as soon as those words are let off of my tongue, that "it" is subject to change.
I wake up knowing that it is a great possibility that leaving the house........ "I WILL GET A FLAT TIRE", no matter how that shows up. It could be that my phone dies, or that I truly DO get a flat tire, or my friend is in need when my schedule is booked. You know, you have all of your plans and your day is scheduled, yet life happens and you either acquiesce or you fight life and feel miserable along the way.
Things lately seem to be showing the impermanence of our existence.
Friends and family are either passing or going through major medical situations and this IS IT!
We have had our time here, and have done what we wanted, but the "tail end" for some of us is facing us in the mirror and it can be an altering state, at least for me it is.
I look at my childhood, my teens, my early 20's and on, and see the picture, what I have chosen and how it is all being played out, and I am finding myself at a stand still.
It is mind boggling how we get this ONE life.
We don't get it as kids, yet my awareness as a kid and teen were too evolved for my liking. I knew too much for my age, wisdom wise, and found it extremely difficult to just "be". I felt like an old woman, looking back on her life. Very difficult to explain.
Everyday, I do realize that my time could be up.
I am not afraid to say so.
I have lived a very full life, with no regrets.
I'm not saying that times weren't hard or difficult, but they molded me, transformed me, and taught me things. Simple as that.
My goal is to always try to help, but in that is a very complex way of living.
Taking responsibility for WHY.
No matter what it looks like, my life is cut out to serve. In what capacity, well......... I can say, people, animals, kids.......... feed the hungry......... I don't know........... everyday is a surprise to me. If I am able to do something for someone it brightens my heart, my soul. I feel this bubbling sensation from my gut. It's so organic, I can barely stand it.
I have so many passions, so many goals, but if it were all to end tomorrow, I truly would know that I gave my heart to the things that I thought were important. I guess if I missed something it would find me and I would be able to finish "it" at some point and time, whether here now, or next time.
The fact of the matter is......... I DO NOT KNOW................. when my little time is up.
I have been graced with a pretty stellar existence.
If I were to spell that out now I'd be in tears.
My simple life has been amazing, so telling, and wow, so grandiose!
I know everyone has their own story, and I love hearing those stories.
When I think of mine, I smile, I cry, I contemplate, and know in my heart that this is just my own personal journey, and I take what I can from it and learn, and grow and look at life as the best possible teaching there could be!
I don't know. There has been a big learning curve this past year and it has catapulted me into a different arena. I'm still making sense of it and sharing along the way.
Stay with me and share as you will.
Just sharing a slice of my life with you.
~
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