So, the Joni Mitchell song goes....... and so this blog goes out to a beautiful soul who was loved by many, who took her life and made the decision that it was her time to go in this lifetime.
From early on I have experienced a lot of suicide, unfortunately!
In the 8th grade my best friends father committed suicide by hanging himself in the house. I went through this experience with her and it completely traumatized she, her mother and her sister. They were to be "watched out for" in the following years. I stayed close and never, ever, could grasp the enormity of what they had gone through. My family stayed with them and I was always stunned, really, at the amount of positivity that they had embraced. Just the amount of bravery that had come with such trauma.
Theresa was my best friend. Her father was her idol. She was left with this to deal with for the rest of her life. Her mother was my mother's best friend. It was a wild, wild experience for me as a teen, and for my mother, as an adult, witnessing such trauma from someone she had loved so much.
I could write stories amongst stories, but to shorten things, later on in life, as we all aged, and had moved on in our lives, I woke one morning to a phone call from my mother. She was reluctant to tell me the news she had.
My best friend for years and years, decided, later on on life, when everyone thought she was happy and had her first child, that she wanted to exit life in the same fashion that her Daddy decided to go. She hung herself in her garage.
It hit me so hard, like going full force into a brick wall.
The very thing that was so devastating to her as a child, she wound up doing to herself, and to her family.
I write this tonight, not only being reminded of Theresa, my dear beloved friend, who I spent so many gorgeous times with, happy and sad, but to a friend of my friend, who just recently took her life.
Many people have judgements on these individuals. I DO NOT!
I understand the complexities of the mind, how it can trip you up, and also, if you do not do what is necessary to nip things in the bud, how it will seem that life is unmanageable!
I almost feel as if my words are inadequate, for I really have no reference point in this area, to ever want to take my life with all of the chaos that has entered into my world.
I have purposefully put myself in that situation, as a visual, to be able to understand the extreme mindset of those individuals, and I can tell you honestly, I GET IT, but have always found refuge in my "God", or whatever it is that saves me daily, from a mindset that is so destructive.
I will not say, for myself, that this life is easy. I WILL NOT! But for some reason, with all of my frailties, and my misfortunes, I have found a greater sense of something. I don't even need to label it really. It's a blessing beyond my comprehension, that is all I know!
I have been blessed with something that has worked in my favor.
This blog is for Angela. May she rest in a peace that is coming to her.
For some reason, she was in enough pain and wanted a way out. Bless her heart now and always.
Please do not judge these individuals who have made certain decisions.
It does not make them "bad people, or souls".
Let it teach us about courage, about fear, and how we can overcome any obstacles, how faith is our best friend, and that in times of complete despair, we can reach out and cry for help, and you WILL GET IT!!
Please, although you do not know this soul, say a prayer for her, that she makes it to a comfort zone, somehow, wherever that may be, and that she will be loved, no matter what, and taken to the next level of her understanding here on this ever so gracious earth we live on.
May I never complain, or worry about the petty things that come my way.
I know in my heart of hearts, that I have been given the key to life, and to NOT adhere to those simple things will lead my mind to the same destruction.
It is up to me to participate in a healthy life that allows me to see my crap, to make a move in the direction of clearing it out, and to taking responsibility for what needs to happen next.
We live in a completely luxurious world.
Don't settle for the dark night of the soul!
There is so much more.
Sweet prayers for those who have chosen differently. I embrace you all and give you love like nobodies business.
I am an open vessel.
You are loved.
Goodnight.
Gabriela
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