My blogs have been few and far between, and I feel it. I have many ways of expressing myself but writing has taken a back seat to design, to other types of stimuli. I'm such a passionate thing, I want to touch on all things that I am passionate about yet, time only allows so much. I do manage to get quite a bit in, but usually feel and taste the need for one thing or the other that is out of balance.
I know for me that too much stimuli, whether it be doing daily chores, or working around the clock, or trying to catch a movie early evening, walking the dogs, cooking, creating, trying to stay afloat as a business person, can leave anyone feeling a little left out of an inner balance.
I will be the first one to say to all of my clients, "Balance is the key". I start there with diet and exercise, and then they can do with the rest as they will. It really does apply to every situation. We all know what works and what doesn't for us. We just have to be adults and step up to the plate and take a stance on what that equals, how it looks and just do it. Sometimes it takes banging your head into a wall, or doing things so repetitively that you look at your life and say..........." Uh, NO!" Just can't do that anymore. And then there it is, the gumption that you thought you didn't have is right there, because you tired your own self, of your own doings. How great. No one had to tell you, or maybe people do but it took YOU feeling so sick and tired of the same ol' habits.
It's nothing to feel heavy over, I think. It's just an objective view of your life, how you run it and how no one or anything can be to blame if you are feeling low, or tired, or done with it all. We have us, ourselves, to talk with, to check things out, to place the cards where they may, to feel good or not good, find out what it takes and then lovingly and compassionately, move forward in new directions that will suit you more that what does now.
We have to be our own director. Unfortunately, that can get tiresome, but then we fall short, get lazy and then no longer do we feel the power to take the reigns. All of a sudden it is up to "someone" else or "something" else to make it all happen for us. No longer to feel empowered in our lives.
We want a drug, or someone to ease all of our discomforts. It gets to be too, too much and yes, we all need a helping hand, and I think that will always be there. I believe in a higher power that will always have our backs. I truly do, if we do the best to take responsibility for our beings in the highest of ways.
Everyday, I have to check in with myself, quietly, objectively, to see what's happening, how I am feeling and why. Do I like it? No! It's a pain in the ass actually, but I'll be damned if I am going to wait for some outside source to fill me in on ME. I'm not opposed to it. I love therapy, but I also love knowing who I am, why I choose the things and situations that I do, and try, with all of my heart, to act accordingly.
It does mean, coming back to myself, time and time again. I think that looks different to everyone. We all have our list of things, of priorities for ourselves, our goals, our desires and how it all feels and looks in a world that is so fleeting. When I say fleeting, I truly mean that with every morsel of my being.
I'm nearing 50. I realize it is a number but I also realize that things are changing. I have no want or desire to be someone. I embrace my passions, quietly, and share with a few, but I wake up everyday with the same anxieties that everyone does, the same fears, the same regrets, the grief of lost ones, or past mistakes............ all of it. I choose to heal myself in my private ways. I choose to heal through meditation and prayer, through silence.
Not everyone is the same.
It takes COMING BACK, AGAIN, AND AGAIN, AND AGAIN, to that place that only you know feels right. The place that tells you, in your own time, what is needed, what is not needed, and how you can go about it.
I don't believe that any one person can give you the answer. I believe that there is a world of teachers out there who, if you listen close enough, are telling you exactly what you need to hear, and they are right there in front of your face, and it doesn't have to be this psychological essay, or drama, or some long drawn out thing. It could be as simple as one sentence that sets us straight, and then it is up to us to act. Only we know what we need to do to act.
It kind of reminds me of doing inventory at the end of the night at a restaurant I worked in. I hated doing the foot work. As a matter of fact, I loathed it!!! Ask anyone! But if I can say so myself, doing that inventory every night gave me a really good picture of what things really looked like and what I had to do the next day to fix it, or make it right.
We have to have some guide line of the structure that we "think" we have. It will always, always change, and that is what I am noticing. Change is constantly happening and I cannot change CHANGE! If I fight it, then there I go, being the salmon who is swimming upstream, taking all of the blows from the water, but if it just relaxed in the water and let the waves take it, it would find it's natural home and safety.
I'm so grateful for the private teachings I receive from nature, from my animals, and from the people in my life who show me what it is that I want and what it is that I don't.
I continue to bathe in gratitude for my learning, for being able to stay as open in this life when most of my life has shown me that I "should be a closed, closed soul".
Life is not easy, and it does hurt. If we are at all connected to something other than ourselves, we will feel the emotional roller coaster of pain, of sorrow, of abandon, of love, of crying and laughing. It's just part of the whole journey. It's all embracing.
I can't fool myself into thinking that if I have a good attitude that things will disappear. I know that if I keep the faith and a positive outlook and I make my meditation a priority than I will be given all of the same situations, the same losses, the same loves, the same sum of life, but.......... I will have my foundation resting in a place that does not feel one way or the other. The foundation allows me to be a bystander in my own life, to take in all of the facts, feel them like any human would but to take it to another place that I hand it over to, a place of sheer trust, a place that says" I am not in control here". A godly place, if you will, that only I know, is a place of total trust. It takes the weight off of me doing any kind of specific work and allows me more opportunity to trust in a process so much greater than my everyday thinking.
THIS IS WHAT I WANT AND NEED TO NURTURE. This is a belief of mine. I share not to say that THIS is the way, but a way that has continuously worked for me, has humbled me in the greatest times of despair and has kept me low key, not wanting, not needing, but just being.
I thank every situation in my life that is teaching me to stay humble and grateful and optimistic about changing the ways of thinking in our society.
If I can do the work myself, it will be a big fat game of domino's. I'm not looking to change anyone or say my way is the way.I just think we ALL are making life way more complicated than what it is.
Go on....... go outside........... chill...............put the list down. Relax in your being and forget about the should's, where you think you need to be, or what you need to have.
Life is happening and it's happening fast.
Seize this moment.
I am.
~
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