Love wants to reach out and man handle us!!!
Break all our tea cup talk of God.
If you had the courage and could give
The Beloved
His choice,
some nights,
He would just
drag you around the room
by your hair,
ripping from
your grip
all those toys
in the world
that bring you
no joy!
Love
sometimes
gets tired
of
speaking
sweetly
and wants to
rip
to shreds
All your
erroneous
notions
of
Truth
that make you
fight within
yourself
and with others
causing the
world
to weep
on too many
fine, fine
days.
God wants to
man handle us.
Lock us inside of
a tiny room
with Himself
and practice
His
Drop kick!
The Beloved
sometimes
wants to do us
a huge favor:
to hold us
upside down
and shake
all of the nonsense out!
But when we hear
He is in such a "playful
drunken
mood"
most everyone
I know
quickly packs
their bags
and
hightails it
outa town!
~
Monday, November 29, 2010
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
I HAVE NOT FORGOTTEN..........
WOW............It has been so long since I have written, and quite honestly, don't know really where to start.
I thought I would start slow, and try to catch up on what has been happening over here in Gabriela-ville.
I haven't written since early November so there will be some heavy sifting going on........to recap all that has transpired, in a million different ways.
So many little things, yet the meaning is huge behind them.
I recently have been getting requests for updates on my Uncle Dick, and wanting continuous feedback about our lives, how we spend it, how we got there, and the amazing connection we have all of these miles apart.
I will have to say, first and foremost, that especially at this point in time in my life, I am so in love with the old school way of sharing love.
Letters are so beautiful because you actually are sitting to write your thoughts out, feeling the essence of that person, thinking of them whole, not missing any detail.
There is just so, so much to be said here...........honestly.......... we take so many people for granted, and being together with people regularly always seems to kind of create that comfort where, little by little, that spark, that light, and all of the things that are mystical, magical, and lovely, simmer down, and there you are left with a dull point...........not able to "write" as sharply, or even feel your sentences.......... it becomes quick, hurried, lackadaisical.........and merely not thought out.
I yearn to find a balance in every aspect of my life, and at different times, it seems challenging, and most times, these days, I am left alone to keep things real, not compromising my love, my innocence or anything really, for that matter, so that I can live in a place that is objective, pure, and full of a life that I think matters, one that remains in that innocence, lives it, and is not afraid of anyones thoughts about it, because, believe you me, (that is so my Mom)........opinions fly like nobodies business.
I pat myself on the back for that these days. People are so funny. They don't really know what to do with it all, so they fill up space, and time, and every bit of their moments, chatting away, making commentaries, and not really even thinking of the possibilities that are in such a way of living.
It's OK, honestly. I have come such a long way in that I smile at it, and well.........it just is what it is.
What I do know, is that when I am soaking in that greatness, it takes me to a place that solidifies my daily choice to just shut the hell up..........to be quiet, more often than not, and to embrace ALL THINGS with that objectivity, that love that speaks to me in such enormous ways, when.........I am quiet.
My life boils down to that formula for EVERYTHING!! If I don't have that, everything becomes muffled, I can't hear the call, can't see or find that intuitiveness that guides me to my next moments, that allow me to just be, without "having to "do".
Life is ever changing. I can be doing just fine, and think I am exactly where I need to be, even if it is fabulous, and life will shower me with again, with even more gifts and gems and diamonds and so mannnnnyyyy beautiful things, and again, I will find out how to create that balance, yet again, no matter what comes my way.
I think as long as I always know my place, in my heart, and soul, and know my purpose here, and what all that entails, there is nothing that could ever come my way, good, bad, or indifferent, that I would not be able to handle or embrace.
I have had a recent discovery that once again, has allowed me to crush any and all ideas that I may have about myself, about just who I think I am and what that looks like.
I happen to love my life, in such an exquisite way, and yes, there are always going to be those times where I think, "Well, yes, I love my simple life and I pan over it in my head, and somehow, good ol' Jeanie wants to pop outa the bottle and tantalize you with some desire or some THING that you think you really need or want because, IT IS A "MUST" after all, right? hahah
Could be anything......... money for a blah, blah, blah........... a better paying job.......... one little thing over here, and well, how bout just that one more thing.........and then the list starts to build.
So, in the last few years I have designed my life to be just as it is right now. Amazingly simple, spent alone, diving deep into my soul, finding all of the beautiful answers I have been searching for, the experiences to go along with it, the magnitude of this existence and how that translates to me as a soul, simple treasures, my dogs, the lovers that they are, my walks, cooking, my music, working out in a way that is just natural, and not for anyone or anything, but because it feels good, and allows that space inside to be fertile for all of the deeper things that want so badly to seep into these pours, this amazing consciousness that is beckoning me day after day after day.
These are all great things to me. Sounds perfect to me!!!
And then God whispers to me.......... actually, I take that back.........this time he screamed from the freakin heavens sayin............... "GABRIELA, IF YOU DON'T TAKE ME UP ON THIS OFFER, THIS BEAUTIFUL GIFT, THAT I AM ABOUT TO PLOP DOWN IN YOUR LIFE RIGHT NOW, I WILL BE ASSURED THAT YOU WERE JUST LYING THROUGH YOUR TEETH WHEN YOU SAID YOU TRUSTED ME WHOLE HEARTED.
He tried to "use" a friend of mine years ago, to slip in this gift, but at the time I was way to entranced with believing that my life was what it was, and believed it all to be REAL, and in that time frame, my hands were covering my eyes, nose, ears and those same hands, were held tight behind my back, unable to be in any kind of place to receive any type of gift, let alone one.
I see that he attempted several times to give me the same gift and really I might as well have said, (which I did, unconsciously) NO............NO .........GO AWAY! I don't need no stinkin' gifts............I have plenty already, so just turn around and go back to where you came from.
WOW, I mean, really........... I remember hearing me tell a friend........ NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO AND NO!
Then, I had very strong ideas about what I wanted or didn't want, and sure enough.........I kept my world very closed off, and my life was empty in so many ways, and always, on the perimeters of my world, were all of these blazing stars, gifts, sparkling gems, you name it..............ready to love me, to embrace who I was, in all of my "Gabriela ~ ness", and still................ MY IDEAS KEPT ME FROM LIVING MY AUTHENTIC LIFE, IN MY AUTHENTIC WAY.
In more blogs to come I will spell out all of those things, but for now, and for tonight, I will just say, that God spoke to me, again, how gracious he is.............. and kind of threw the bait down again for me.............. and this time I stood up and laughed and yelled as loud as I could......HHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAA YOU ARE NOT GOING TO FOOL ME THIS TIME................ GO AHEAD..........THROW THE GIFT DOWN.............. I WILL SHOW YOU WHAT TRUST IS.............. I HAVE LIVED THE LAST TWO YEARS DOING SOME HOMEWORK PAL..........GO AHEAD............ THROW IT DOWN............ THROW IT DOWN.................
Well..........he threw it down alright!!!
I am FREE FALLING in the most precious, beautiful Trust there is , and without second guessing a thing, my life is changing drastically, and honestly, I have been laughing my ass off............ giggling at how complicated we make life, and how if we all do....really trust in the bigger scheme of things, GOD ALWAYS REWARDS US WITH WHAT WE DESERVE...............so much so that he details and contours everything to the bone, and leaves you standing there like...................HOLY CRAP.............. why the hell didn't I do this all those years ago???
For me, I have to know and to feel, with every cell in my being, that I am honoring and respecting my self, and others, and living the most pure, untainted and authentic life, so that I am not always searching for something that is outside of myself, but am being PRESENT TO WHAT IS, and in that, there never really is any searching to do. IT IS RIGHT HERE, WHERE IT'S ALWAYS BEEN..........INSIDE.......... !!
There are a million stories to catch you up on and I truly feel like I have just skimmed the surface tonight, knew I had to start somewhere.
Thank you for all of your beautiful emails and wanting so much to be a part of my blogs. As much as it seems that it helps you, it is much more of a gift for me, to be able to share so candidly, the events, and circumstances that happen in my daily life that help me to become more of who I am and less of what seems to be.
Enjoy the howling of the wind tonight............ it is speaking in great volumes to me.
Goodnight and love to you all.
Gabriela
I thought I would start slow, and try to catch up on what has been happening over here in Gabriela-ville.
I haven't written since early November so there will be some heavy sifting going on........to recap all that has transpired, in a million different ways.
So many little things, yet the meaning is huge behind them.
I recently have been getting requests for updates on my Uncle Dick, and wanting continuous feedback about our lives, how we spend it, how we got there, and the amazing connection we have all of these miles apart.
I will have to say, first and foremost, that especially at this point in time in my life, I am so in love with the old school way of sharing love.
Letters are so beautiful because you actually are sitting to write your thoughts out, feeling the essence of that person, thinking of them whole, not missing any detail.
There is just so, so much to be said here...........honestly.......... we take so many people for granted, and being together with people regularly always seems to kind of create that comfort where, little by little, that spark, that light, and all of the things that are mystical, magical, and lovely, simmer down, and there you are left with a dull point...........not able to "write" as sharply, or even feel your sentences.......... it becomes quick, hurried, lackadaisical.........and merely not thought out.
I yearn to find a balance in every aspect of my life, and at different times, it seems challenging, and most times, these days, I am left alone to keep things real, not compromising my love, my innocence or anything really, for that matter, so that I can live in a place that is objective, pure, and full of a life that I think matters, one that remains in that innocence, lives it, and is not afraid of anyones thoughts about it, because, believe you me, (that is so my Mom)........opinions fly like nobodies business.
I pat myself on the back for that these days. People are so funny. They don't really know what to do with it all, so they fill up space, and time, and every bit of their moments, chatting away, making commentaries, and not really even thinking of the possibilities that are in such a way of living.
It's OK, honestly. I have come such a long way in that I smile at it, and well.........it just is what it is.
What I do know, is that when I am soaking in that greatness, it takes me to a place that solidifies my daily choice to just shut the hell up..........to be quiet, more often than not, and to embrace ALL THINGS with that objectivity, that love that speaks to me in such enormous ways, when.........I am quiet.
My life boils down to that formula for EVERYTHING!! If I don't have that, everything becomes muffled, I can't hear the call, can't see or find that intuitiveness that guides me to my next moments, that allow me to just be, without "having to "do".
Life is ever changing. I can be doing just fine, and think I am exactly where I need to be, even if it is fabulous, and life will shower me with again, with even more gifts and gems and diamonds and so mannnnnyyyy beautiful things, and again, I will find out how to create that balance, yet again, no matter what comes my way.
I think as long as I always know my place, in my heart, and soul, and know my purpose here, and what all that entails, there is nothing that could ever come my way, good, bad, or indifferent, that I would not be able to handle or embrace.
I have had a recent discovery that once again, has allowed me to crush any and all ideas that I may have about myself, about just who I think I am and what that looks like.
I happen to love my life, in such an exquisite way, and yes, there are always going to be those times where I think, "Well, yes, I love my simple life and I pan over it in my head, and somehow, good ol' Jeanie wants to pop outa the bottle and tantalize you with some desire or some THING that you think you really need or want because, IT IS A "MUST" after all, right? hahah
Could be anything......... money for a blah, blah, blah........... a better paying job.......... one little thing over here, and well, how bout just that one more thing.........and then the list starts to build.
So, in the last few years I have designed my life to be just as it is right now. Amazingly simple, spent alone, diving deep into my soul, finding all of the beautiful answers I have been searching for, the experiences to go along with it, the magnitude of this existence and how that translates to me as a soul, simple treasures, my dogs, the lovers that they are, my walks, cooking, my music, working out in a way that is just natural, and not for anyone or anything, but because it feels good, and allows that space inside to be fertile for all of the deeper things that want so badly to seep into these pours, this amazing consciousness that is beckoning me day after day after day.
These are all great things to me. Sounds perfect to me!!!
And then God whispers to me.......... actually, I take that back.........this time he screamed from the freakin heavens sayin............... "GABRIELA, IF YOU DON'T TAKE ME UP ON THIS OFFER, THIS BEAUTIFUL GIFT, THAT I AM ABOUT TO PLOP DOWN IN YOUR LIFE RIGHT NOW, I WILL BE ASSURED THAT YOU WERE JUST LYING THROUGH YOUR TEETH WHEN YOU SAID YOU TRUSTED ME WHOLE HEARTED.
He tried to "use" a friend of mine years ago, to slip in this gift, but at the time I was way to entranced with believing that my life was what it was, and believed it all to be REAL, and in that time frame, my hands were covering my eyes, nose, ears and those same hands, were held tight behind my back, unable to be in any kind of place to receive any type of gift, let alone one.
I see that he attempted several times to give me the same gift and really I might as well have said, (which I did, unconsciously) NO............NO .........GO AWAY! I don't need no stinkin' gifts............I have plenty already, so just turn around and go back to where you came from.
WOW, I mean, really........... I remember hearing me tell a friend........ NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO AND NO!
Then, I had very strong ideas about what I wanted or didn't want, and sure enough.........I kept my world very closed off, and my life was empty in so many ways, and always, on the perimeters of my world, were all of these blazing stars, gifts, sparkling gems, you name it..............ready to love me, to embrace who I was, in all of my "Gabriela ~ ness", and still................ MY IDEAS KEPT ME FROM LIVING MY AUTHENTIC LIFE, IN MY AUTHENTIC WAY.
In more blogs to come I will spell out all of those things, but for now, and for tonight, I will just say, that God spoke to me, again, how gracious he is.............. and kind of threw the bait down again for me.............. and this time I stood up and laughed and yelled as loud as I could......HHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAA YOU ARE NOT GOING TO FOOL ME THIS TIME................ GO AHEAD..........THROW THE GIFT DOWN.............. I WILL SHOW YOU WHAT TRUST IS.............. I HAVE LIVED THE LAST TWO YEARS DOING SOME HOMEWORK PAL..........GO AHEAD............ THROW IT DOWN............ THROW IT DOWN.................
Well..........he threw it down alright!!!
I am FREE FALLING in the most precious, beautiful Trust there is , and without second guessing a thing, my life is changing drastically, and honestly, I have been laughing my ass off............ giggling at how complicated we make life, and how if we all do....really trust in the bigger scheme of things, GOD ALWAYS REWARDS US WITH WHAT WE DESERVE...............so much so that he details and contours everything to the bone, and leaves you standing there like...................HOLY CRAP.............. why the hell didn't I do this all those years ago???
For me, I have to know and to feel, with every cell in my being, that I am honoring and respecting my self, and others, and living the most pure, untainted and authentic life, so that I am not always searching for something that is outside of myself, but am being PRESENT TO WHAT IS, and in that, there never really is any searching to do. IT IS RIGHT HERE, WHERE IT'S ALWAYS BEEN..........INSIDE.......... !!
There are a million stories to catch you up on and I truly feel like I have just skimmed the surface tonight, knew I had to start somewhere.
Thank you for all of your beautiful emails and wanting so much to be a part of my blogs. As much as it seems that it helps you, it is much more of a gift for me, to be able to share so candidly, the events, and circumstances that happen in my daily life that help me to become more of who I am and less of what seems to be.
Enjoy the howling of the wind tonight............ it is speaking in great volumes to me.
Goodnight and love to you all.
Gabriela
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
GOODNIGHT BEAUTIFUL SOULS
I wanted to say goodnight, and too, to tell all of you out there how amazing you are! Life really has no bad in it.
Yes, circumstances are what they are, but either we can choose to move through it and start on a new page, or we stay with the torn and tethered, and trust me, it can get to a place of really tethered. I've been there.
I also know that there are creative ways out, conducive ones, and simple little treasures that will honestly, take you to a place of knowing, really what this is all about and that once there, believe me, you are afraid you will never return again.
Those aren't spiritual words, just simple Truths that may take you a long, long distance.........a real one........... uncomplicated, and straight to the point.
My morning this morning spoke volumes to me. I went on several walks, and I had to literally bow down in sheer gratitude.
Sometimes I think, why do I write all of this? It gets so darn innocent that probably, no one would believe me or maybe they would just deem me something, and back to regular life I go, trying to not care about all of the millions of opinions there are, and for so many reasons.
I get both lives, how they are, and in that, I choose a different path, one that will catapult me forward, into an abyss of Truth that hopefully will swallow me up, and I won't have to feel guilty for trying to come back, to get "good" with people, or to just be around people because it is healthy.
It is SO wild to me!!!
I went to the mailbox, and there, happy as a lark, I saw, yet another postcard from my Uncle Dick.
I kind of do the same thing, again and again. I usually walk down with one of the dogs, on our walk. I check the mail, and when I see his letters, I get all excited, and shut the mailbox, and wait until I return from my walk so that I can sit and be present with it, as it is probably one of the biggest highlights in my day, amongst many other gorgeous things, and happenings.
Sometimes I wait hours upon hours, and think about it sitting there on the table, but just don't want to read it, ever, in a hurried mode. It will never, ever warrant reading while multi-tasking.
I usually take my coffee outside under the tree, sit with the dogs, and read ever so slowly, and have to say, his writings are so eloquent, so deep, so passionate, about life, the simple life, that is, how doing service is key to him, and how putting a smile on someones face is what he goes for everyday, and just, well, so many, many things.
I'll quote some, I am sure he won't mind.
First off, the postcards are his paintings, and he knows my heart, and each one that he sends is different. He usually writes what he thinks I will love about each one, and by god, he is always dead on!
I'm going to pick snip it's, his letters are long, yet not to me, but for my blog, I'll just grab a few things. Mind you, it isn't really WHAT he writes, although it is always, without a doubt so sincere, authentic, and real, it is his unwanting heart, his steadfast devotion to a higher love that speaks volumes. He never has to prove himself, and just reeks of a purity that only comes around once in a lifetime. That, to me, is freedom!
Dearest Joni,
It's a rainy two days here, much needed, we've been in drought. Sometimes I love the rain, sometimes not. I read your blogs and gain new insights into my Joni with each one. You are so comfortable in your own skin. How hard that is to achieve and how wonderful for you. You are not allowing others to guide you or to mess with your own Utopia. Wonderful. Inspiring!
The hospital I volunteer in has been moderately busy, lots of elderly fighting old age ailments and plenty of bug like stuff... not my favorite.....but if I can get a smile from them in my quest to make them more comfortable, then I am "Paid in Full"......That is what that is all about!
I bet when you opened this envelope and saw the card you found yourself a special place in the hay on the second floor, a great place to muse.
I have to tell you of a happiness that I received yesterday.
All of my life there was, in my fathers attic, an old violin in an old wooden case, dirty and spattered. The violin was dull, no bridge, only a few tangled strings, the neck a little loose, and the bow in like repair-it has recently come into my hands, as providence would have it. It looked at it, it was a shambles-Now, Tom's eldest daughter (his son), Anna, has been playing violin for a number of years, and is getting pretty accomplished-just auditioned and was accepted into a junior county Orchestra.
So... now I had this old violin, and thought Wow! This might be great if I could get IT and Anna together. I was able to find a man, an old world violin repair-restore-man-After meeting him I knew he would be the person to take on the challenge of restoring the violin. He immediately told me where the instrument was made, Austria, Bavaria and that it was born in the 1870's or 1880's, that it was no Stradivarius, but he opined it was a good sounding piece and worth restoring. We agreed on a price, and yesterday, picked up the violin-
What a job he did. How lovingly and caringly he was, the violin looks so beautiful. He cleaned up a hundred years of dirt and grime and re glued reattached, added missing parts and played a couple of chords. It sounds, to this ear, excellent. The restorer feels it has many years of use ahead. The violin is good, the bow, extra ordinary, he repaired that too. He loves the whole package! Me too!
Next week I am going to Virginia attending The Marine Ball as guest of Tom and Linda on the 10th, which is the Marine Corp birthday.
I will be giving the violin to Anna as a family heirloom. Entrusting it's care and future to her, and the generations that follow her. I feel so happy about this, and wanted to share it with you.
My darling, my sweet lady, My Joni, Love you so, so, so much. Uncle Dick
Note: My ancestors came to the U.S. from Austria/Bavaria.......It all clicks.............
I cannot tell you how enmeshed I get reading his letters. Very, very detailed, always about his experiences with giving and how amazing it makes him feel, how his heart just swells knowing someone will be happy, that he was able to make someones day.
I get it. It is an unexplainable feeling to know that something so pure hearted may be received with an even bigger heart, and that it's ripple affects are worth so much to me and to others, it almost pains me.
I read his letters and it takes everything away, any kind of mundane thought, any kind of worry about the next moment, because in that sort of presence, and in that kind of love, there really is no next moment. It is all about a love and the moments of feeling them, and feeling, too, whole hearted, the experience of the recipient, and knowing that it will do some sort of good, without any expectation, just a bleacher view of some great happening.
God, I am full tonight.........so full of a love that is deepening inside of me. The more I find my place here, in my little nitch, the more I couldn't ask for anything more.
Innocence calls me, and everything else, really just pales in comparison.
Everyday, I revel in my own simple delights, and know them to be honest, real and true. A divinity that my soul soaks up like a sponge.
My days and my nights are short. They are specific. I almost cannot believe the enormity in the simplest of acts.
I can hear the opinions and it makes me want, even more, to separate myself, and to relish in it, swim in it, and disappear into the grandeur of it all................
My heart is ablaze with a love that has no name!
Thank you so much for this beautiful life.
~
Yes, circumstances are what they are, but either we can choose to move through it and start on a new page, or we stay with the torn and tethered, and trust me, it can get to a place of really tethered. I've been there.
I also know that there are creative ways out, conducive ones, and simple little treasures that will honestly, take you to a place of knowing, really what this is all about and that once there, believe me, you are afraid you will never return again.
Those aren't spiritual words, just simple Truths that may take you a long, long distance.........a real one........... uncomplicated, and straight to the point.
My morning this morning spoke volumes to me. I went on several walks, and I had to literally bow down in sheer gratitude.
Sometimes I think, why do I write all of this? It gets so darn innocent that probably, no one would believe me or maybe they would just deem me something, and back to regular life I go, trying to not care about all of the millions of opinions there are, and for so many reasons.
I get both lives, how they are, and in that, I choose a different path, one that will catapult me forward, into an abyss of Truth that hopefully will swallow me up, and I won't have to feel guilty for trying to come back, to get "good" with people, or to just be around people because it is healthy.
It is SO wild to me!!!
I went to the mailbox, and there, happy as a lark, I saw, yet another postcard from my Uncle Dick.
I kind of do the same thing, again and again. I usually walk down with one of the dogs, on our walk. I check the mail, and when I see his letters, I get all excited, and shut the mailbox, and wait until I return from my walk so that I can sit and be present with it, as it is probably one of the biggest highlights in my day, amongst many other gorgeous things, and happenings.
Sometimes I wait hours upon hours, and think about it sitting there on the table, but just don't want to read it, ever, in a hurried mode. It will never, ever warrant reading while multi-tasking.
I usually take my coffee outside under the tree, sit with the dogs, and read ever so slowly, and have to say, his writings are so eloquent, so deep, so passionate, about life, the simple life, that is, how doing service is key to him, and how putting a smile on someones face is what he goes for everyday, and just, well, so many, many things.
I'll quote some, I am sure he won't mind.
First off, the postcards are his paintings, and he knows my heart, and each one that he sends is different. He usually writes what he thinks I will love about each one, and by god, he is always dead on!
I'm going to pick snip it's, his letters are long, yet not to me, but for my blog, I'll just grab a few things. Mind you, it isn't really WHAT he writes, although it is always, without a doubt so sincere, authentic, and real, it is his unwanting heart, his steadfast devotion to a higher love that speaks volumes. He never has to prove himself, and just reeks of a purity that only comes around once in a lifetime. That, to me, is freedom!
Dearest Joni,
It's a rainy two days here, much needed, we've been in drought. Sometimes I love the rain, sometimes not. I read your blogs and gain new insights into my Joni with each one. You are so comfortable in your own skin. How hard that is to achieve and how wonderful for you. You are not allowing others to guide you or to mess with your own Utopia. Wonderful. Inspiring!
The hospital I volunteer in has been moderately busy, lots of elderly fighting old age ailments and plenty of bug like stuff... not my favorite.....but if I can get a smile from them in my quest to make them more comfortable, then I am "Paid in Full"......That is what that is all about!
I bet when you opened this envelope and saw the card you found yourself a special place in the hay on the second floor, a great place to muse.
I have to tell you of a happiness that I received yesterday.
All of my life there was, in my fathers attic, an old violin in an old wooden case, dirty and spattered. The violin was dull, no bridge, only a few tangled strings, the neck a little loose, and the bow in like repair-it has recently come into my hands, as providence would have it. It looked at it, it was a shambles-Now, Tom's eldest daughter (his son), Anna, has been playing violin for a number of years, and is getting pretty accomplished-just auditioned and was accepted into a junior county Orchestra.
So... now I had this old violin, and thought Wow! This might be great if I could get IT and Anna together. I was able to find a man, an old world violin repair-restore-man-After meeting him I knew he would be the person to take on the challenge of restoring the violin. He immediately told me where the instrument was made, Austria, Bavaria and that it was born in the 1870's or 1880's, that it was no Stradivarius, but he opined it was a good sounding piece and worth restoring. We agreed on a price, and yesterday, picked up the violin-
What a job he did. How lovingly and caringly he was, the violin looks so beautiful. He cleaned up a hundred years of dirt and grime and re glued reattached, added missing parts and played a couple of chords. It sounds, to this ear, excellent. The restorer feels it has many years of use ahead. The violin is good, the bow, extra ordinary, he repaired that too. He loves the whole package! Me too!
Next week I am going to Virginia attending The Marine Ball as guest of Tom and Linda on the 10th, which is the Marine Corp birthday.
I will be giving the violin to Anna as a family heirloom. Entrusting it's care and future to her, and the generations that follow her. I feel so happy about this, and wanted to share it with you.
My darling, my sweet lady, My Joni, Love you so, so, so much. Uncle Dick
Note: My ancestors came to the U.S. from Austria/Bavaria.......It all clicks.............
I cannot tell you how enmeshed I get reading his letters. Very, very detailed, always about his experiences with giving and how amazing it makes him feel, how his heart just swells knowing someone will be happy, that he was able to make someones day.
I get it. It is an unexplainable feeling to know that something so pure hearted may be received with an even bigger heart, and that it's ripple affects are worth so much to me and to others, it almost pains me.
I read his letters and it takes everything away, any kind of mundane thought, any kind of worry about the next moment, because in that sort of presence, and in that kind of love, there really is no next moment. It is all about a love and the moments of feeling them, and feeling, too, whole hearted, the experience of the recipient, and knowing that it will do some sort of good, without any expectation, just a bleacher view of some great happening.
God, I am full tonight.........so full of a love that is deepening inside of me. The more I find my place here, in my little nitch, the more I couldn't ask for anything more.
Innocence calls me, and everything else, really just pales in comparison.
Everyday, I revel in my own simple delights, and know them to be honest, real and true. A divinity that my soul soaks up like a sponge.
My days and my nights are short. They are specific. I almost cannot believe the enormity in the simplest of acts.
I can hear the opinions and it makes me want, even more, to separate myself, and to relish in it, swim in it, and disappear into the grandeur of it all................
My heart is ablaze with a love that has no name!
Thank you so much for this beautiful life.
~
Monday, November 8, 2010
UNLESS.......
you are centered,
unless,
you know
who
you
are,
you cannot
really
relate.
The relationship
that goes on
without
self knowledge
is
just
an
Illusion!
~
unless,
you know
who
you
are,
you cannot
really
relate.
The relationship
that goes on
without
self knowledge
is
just
an
Illusion!
~
Saturday, November 6, 2010
I HAVE SO MANY TITLES.........
.......I don't know which to choose.
CHANGE IS HAPPENING
FEEL THE FEAR AND DO IT ANYWAY
ENTER THE MYSTERY
DON'T HOLD ONTO PAST IDEAS
EMBRACE LOVE, WHEN IT COMES KNOCKING, (Even if you're scared shitless)
WHAT THE HELL?
IS THIS FOR REAL?
STAYING TRUE, IN THE MIDST OF........
TAKING THE TRAIN RIDE
LOVING OLD SCHOOL
I'LL WRITE YOU A LETTER INSTEAD
SERENDIPITY
TRUSTING INTUITION
FOLLOWING YOUR HEART
ENERGY BAFFLES ME
I mean............. these are the titles that are playing like a ping pong game in my head, wondering which title to choose for today's occasion, or just from what has been happening lately.
I am being showered with gifts that are taking my breath away, and even, literally.
My concepts of things are being challenged, and too, my devotion to my steadfastness in a consciousness that beckons me 24/7.
I feel like the Buddha under the Bodhi Tree, sitting ever so quietly and solid under the tree, while every temptation, every last thing that Buddha wanted was dancing in front of him.
He sat there, keeping a focus on the divine, while every desire he had danced like wildflowers in front of him, enticing, enchanting, mesmerizing, and you name it............. whatever it was that Buddha wanted, stood there in front of him and tantalized him, and tested his strength in seeing these things for what they are, and having the strength to differentiate what was real, and what was not.
To be able to discern or balance the things that were of utmost importance.
New things are happening, and I am finding, that in all of the new, there is much more of a challenge in remembering what it is that I am going for, trying to achieve, and how, to balance things so that there is no, BLACK AND WHITE kinda living, cuz lord knows I hate that crap............ I honestly just try to balance everything as best I can, stay so close to my own Truth, and then leave a little room for being the feisty girl that I am with my ardent way in life.
It seems to me that when you have numerous things that you are passionate about, the more you want to say,"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, because obviously, if you are "passionate" about them, it won't suffice to write about it for 30 minutes and leave it at that. I am much to much a passionate soul to leave it at that.
"Someone" out there is giving me some divine goods.
I am not quite sure what to do with it all, and honestly, even as I write, I want to be more clear in my intent, but god........ all I have to say is INFORMATION OVERLOAD.............. sign up.............. GONE FISHING!
Stay with me on this one because it is organic, real, true, and worth every bit of sharing, as we go along.
I might not be able to articulate things in the moment, but trust me, I digest every last morsel of what happens within this being.
I will try my best to articulate it all, and make some sort of conscious sense out of it. If not, you will have some hot, mystical, old school romance happening at your computer, and will wonder, "just what the hell was happening in Gabriela's life at the time".
Not only is the story good, but it is historical.
News at 11.
Stay tuned!
I am!
~
CHANGE IS HAPPENING
FEEL THE FEAR AND DO IT ANYWAY
ENTER THE MYSTERY
DON'T HOLD ONTO PAST IDEAS
EMBRACE LOVE, WHEN IT COMES KNOCKING, (Even if you're scared shitless)
WHAT THE HELL?
IS THIS FOR REAL?
STAYING TRUE, IN THE MIDST OF........
TAKING THE TRAIN RIDE
LOVING OLD SCHOOL
I'LL WRITE YOU A LETTER INSTEAD
SERENDIPITY
TRUSTING INTUITION
FOLLOWING YOUR HEART
ENERGY BAFFLES ME
I mean............. these are the titles that are playing like a ping pong game in my head, wondering which title to choose for today's occasion, or just from what has been happening lately.
I am being showered with gifts that are taking my breath away, and even, literally.
My concepts of things are being challenged, and too, my devotion to my steadfastness in a consciousness that beckons me 24/7.
I feel like the Buddha under the Bodhi Tree, sitting ever so quietly and solid under the tree, while every temptation, every last thing that Buddha wanted was dancing in front of him.
He sat there, keeping a focus on the divine, while every desire he had danced like wildflowers in front of him, enticing, enchanting, mesmerizing, and you name it............. whatever it was that Buddha wanted, stood there in front of him and tantalized him, and tested his strength in seeing these things for what they are, and having the strength to differentiate what was real, and what was not.
To be able to discern or balance the things that were of utmost importance.
New things are happening, and I am finding, that in all of the new, there is much more of a challenge in remembering what it is that I am going for, trying to achieve, and how, to balance things so that there is no, BLACK AND WHITE kinda living, cuz lord knows I hate that crap............ I honestly just try to balance everything as best I can, stay so close to my own Truth, and then leave a little room for being the feisty girl that I am with my ardent way in life.
It seems to me that when you have numerous things that you are passionate about, the more you want to say,"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, because obviously, if you are "passionate" about them, it won't suffice to write about it for 30 minutes and leave it at that. I am much to much a passionate soul to leave it at that.
"Someone" out there is giving me some divine goods.
I am not quite sure what to do with it all, and honestly, even as I write, I want to be more clear in my intent, but god........ all I have to say is INFORMATION OVERLOAD.............. sign up.............. GONE FISHING!
Stay with me on this one because it is organic, real, true, and worth every bit of sharing, as we go along.
I might not be able to articulate things in the moment, but trust me, I digest every last morsel of what happens within this being.
I will try my best to articulate it all, and make some sort of conscious sense out of it. If not, you will have some hot, mystical, old school romance happening at your computer, and will wonder, "just what the hell was happening in Gabriela's life at the time".
Not only is the story good, but it is historical.
News at 11.
Stay tuned!
I am!
~
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
MY TIME AWAY FROM WORK
I have to say, that I have been in a continuous state of question, on how it is that my time away from work, and what it is that I experience, and then going to work, and how "outward" I have to be, translates to the way I think my life should be. Key word, "should"...... always a red light.
I feel as if my time off, and away, takes me to exactly where I feel I want to be, yet when people at work get wind of how alone I do love to be, they say, amongst almost everyone, YOU CANNOT BE WITHOUT PEOPLE.
In my own time, I revel in something that will never have a name. More and more, I am disappearing into a place that is calling me.............calling me............ and I don't want to for fit my time doing anything else, but what makes me go straight there.
I even laugh at myself on my days off, thinking I should do this or that, and I wind up gravitating toward the same little things that I love doing, because I know how they will make me feel, yet there is a certain amount of detachment that happens, and I do feel like the person who has been living amongst the wild, and has just made her way back to regular life.
Honestly, that is how it is, and it amazes me that I can even come back so quickly, ready for work, to engage myself, hours upon hours, with people, employees, fellow workers, and make it through one night. That is how I feel.
Everyday, at a certain hour, at my house, when I know I have to be at work, I have to use my time efficiently, and so I have the dogs, working out, cooking, running the dogs, trying to stay balanced upstairs, doing general house stuff, if not more, and so the list goes on.
Time is such a big deal because if I go to work without that time for me, and for my animals, and just settling into something real, before the rat race begins, I will be so uncomfortable.
At a certain hour, I can feel myself starting to mentally prepare, and physically, I will always be OK. This morning I went for a 5 mile run, and man.......... the ecstasy of that.......... I have time to wonder, time to experience nature, time to think and time to get my thoughts into a perspective that gives me goals, and things to look forward to.
I get to wallow in my animals innocence, running them. I seriously laugh out loud, and wow, really, they give me so much life!!!
My rides to work are always contemplative, no matter what. I could be playing Carlos Santana, or listening to the Symphony.......... mentally, I go to the same place, and that 15-20 minute drives gets me to good, to know that I will have to be in mode for people, to allow them in, for me to embrace all people, with a smile, not because that is part of my job, but because I want to. I love people and in my life, no matter where I am, I want people to have a great experience of their stay, whether it be at my restaurant, or walking down the road. After all, really, we only get one life. If I can be a part of someones "good" experience here, I stand up and sing......... That makes me feel whole, and that in there somewhere, I have some small purpose, and if that is to just make one customer smile, or feel welcomed, than so be it........... I did a little somethin'.
I have this little saying, and it is funny..........well, to me anyway. After my drive to work and coming off of my morning that is usually laden in deep thought, or meditation, or just deep appreciation, it definitely sets the tone inside and out, for standing strong in who you are. I drive to work, and take lots of deep breaths, honestly, trying to grasp how this all is, why I am here, at this job, or doing anything else, really, other than what my heart is aching for.
I pull up at work, sit for a moment in the parking lot and go.............."OK...... Let the games begin".
I say that because that is what this all is. Any and everything that is happening on the outside, is just a plain ol' game that we are all playing, some sort of character that is just doing it's thing.
If I didn't have my mornings in solitude, or in some sort of contemplation, I don't know that I could withstand the noise of how it is out there, and probably I could, but my body would probably take it all on as some sort of disease, and it would be affected greatly, more than what it takes on a small scale now.
When something is happening with my body, like my neck or back being out, it is clearly a solid knowing that I have allowed whatever is happening on the outside, to take affect on the inside. It is constant homework for me to balance my time, my energy and efforts, and to make sure that this sacred little body doesn't have "melt downs" like it likes to under any kind of stress.
My back and neck always, always take the brunt, and most times, I am in control of it, and sometimes, it rears it's ugly head and lays me flat out. My friends who have known me for years crack up at it. Not that they think it is funny, but that it is so obvious how THOUGHTS and where we are in our heads, make or break our energy in our days, how it forms so many things, inwardly, and out.
I truly don't know how people have families. It takes everything for me to balance me, my animals, my house, and time at work. That isn't even including any kind of social life, which is OK for me, right now, or any kind of passion outside of work.....any kind of hobby or art.
Everyday I say, "OK, even though I won't get to sleep till 2 am, I am going to force myself into getting up at 8 just so I can have the day and squeeze into it what I want............
I don't do good with no sleep.
Balance, I sure do love you...........
I am so grateful for my work, the customers I meet, how they make sense on my journey, and how it is, utterly important, where I am now, even if it seems crazy at times, for one reason or the other.
When I think of the customers that I have met just in these last 4 years, it makes me cry, just because of the deep connections, the family like feeling we share, and for just meeting some good souls that are just traveling through........and I get the fine opportunity to meet up with them, even if it is just for a second at the cafe counter. I acknowledge the importance, and the relevance.
Maybe I am not meant to be a recluse..........like everyone says, but I do have to say, it appeals to me more than you know.
As long as I have my music that I love, nature, my animals and a pad and pen, I am good.
I laugh because God always has different plans for me, and my friends too, laugh and say, "There is NO WAY YOU could be a recluse. People need you for so many different reasons. Hearing that so much, I feel selfish in a way. I am not quite sure how to take that sometimes.
Tonight I had a friend and his mother come in. He has been away in the Navy for awhile and each time he comes home he tries to visit. I adore him. He used to make my coffee at Starbucks everyday and we meshed. He is an old soul and one that I love whole hearted.
He always said, "you need to meet my mother". You two would hit it off.
Well long story short, I went to see her at her house so she could read my cards. I thought, well, this is up my alley, and since it had been thrown in my face so much that she was someone I "needed" to see, I thought, I'd better go......not for any other reason but to listen to my own inner call.
I went. I met, yet another amazing woman on my journey, and she is the "light of my life"............ just a beautiful soul, so real, so true, and genuine.
Not only that she and her whole entire family come to see me, and keep in contact with me. They continue to shine a very pure light and an essence that is so incredibly valuable to me, and I am pretty sure, visa verse.
It is apparent that when I make moves that I don't normally make, that it is for a reason. I said to her tonight, "You know I don't do things just because". Inside, I know there is a higher reason.
She gave me a bag and said she had gone to "Philly" and thought of me, and brought me something.
FYI she always comes bearing gifts. Last time she came, she brought me earrings and a necklace that she made. She makes amazing jewelry. And she and her daughter brought me a porcelain angel.
I went in the back room and cried that night, at work, for the astounding gifts that I am given everyday.
Tonight, inside of that little brown baggie, was a bottle of Holy Water, a prayer card from the Shrine of St. John Nuemann, and a metal of Saint Jude, Patron Saint of Hopeless Cases. I thought to myself, "Uhhh, is this a sign?? Am I some hopeless case, hahahah, no really, it was funny to see that, it made me laugh to think of it in that way for a second, but all in all, in my heart of hearts, THIS IS WHAT MAKES MY WORK WORTHWHILE.......... to forget all of the BS that happens, and to know that things are happening for a reason, and sometimes I am stupid to think that I know more than what the Universe wants to impart, in it's time.
I am ever so grateful for any and everything in my life, and for the timing, the essence, the passion, the mystery, the uncertainty, the beauty, the ugly, the every, every, everything that is bestowed upon me right now, and I just want to give a big fat freakin hug to someone............. for allowing me this great opportunity to be a receiver, (which I am not that great at), and to be able to relish in such greatness that is happening here for me, on every level.
I continue to take away labels, to allow me to forge forward into a neutral existence that won't allow me very many opinions.
I bow, greatly tonight, in sheer, sheer gratitude, for what seems not right, for what seems right, and for all things unknown.
I am forever a student, of this love.
Thank you so much for this life.
~
I feel as if my time off, and away, takes me to exactly where I feel I want to be, yet when people at work get wind of how alone I do love to be, they say, amongst almost everyone, YOU CANNOT BE WITHOUT PEOPLE.
In my own time, I revel in something that will never have a name. More and more, I am disappearing into a place that is calling me.............calling me............ and I don't want to for fit my time doing anything else, but what makes me go straight there.
I even laugh at myself on my days off, thinking I should do this or that, and I wind up gravitating toward the same little things that I love doing, because I know how they will make me feel, yet there is a certain amount of detachment that happens, and I do feel like the person who has been living amongst the wild, and has just made her way back to regular life.
Honestly, that is how it is, and it amazes me that I can even come back so quickly, ready for work, to engage myself, hours upon hours, with people, employees, fellow workers, and make it through one night. That is how I feel.
Everyday, at a certain hour, at my house, when I know I have to be at work, I have to use my time efficiently, and so I have the dogs, working out, cooking, running the dogs, trying to stay balanced upstairs, doing general house stuff, if not more, and so the list goes on.
Time is such a big deal because if I go to work without that time for me, and for my animals, and just settling into something real, before the rat race begins, I will be so uncomfortable.
At a certain hour, I can feel myself starting to mentally prepare, and physically, I will always be OK. This morning I went for a 5 mile run, and man.......... the ecstasy of that.......... I have time to wonder, time to experience nature, time to think and time to get my thoughts into a perspective that gives me goals, and things to look forward to.
I get to wallow in my animals innocence, running them. I seriously laugh out loud, and wow, really, they give me so much life!!!
My rides to work are always contemplative, no matter what. I could be playing Carlos Santana, or listening to the Symphony.......... mentally, I go to the same place, and that 15-20 minute drives gets me to good, to know that I will have to be in mode for people, to allow them in, for me to embrace all people, with a smile, not because that is part of my job, but because I want to. I love people and in my life, no matter where I am, I want people to have a great experience of their stay, whether it be at my restaurant, or walking down the road. After all, really, we only get one life. If I can be a part of someones "good" experience here, I stand up and sing......... That makes me feel whole, and that in there somewhere, I have some small purpose, and if that is to just make one customer smile, or feel welcomed, than so be it........... I did a little somethin'.
I have this little saying, and it is funny..........well, to me anyway. After my drive to work and coming off of my morning that is usually laden in deep thought, or meditation, or just deep appreciation, it definitely sets the tone inside and out, for standing strong in who you are. I drive to work, and take lots of deep breaths, honestly, trying to grasp how this all is, why I am here, at this job, or doing anything else, really, other than what my heart is aching for.
I pull up at work, sit for a moment in the parking lot and go.............."OK...... Let the games begin".
I say that because that is what this all is. Any and everything that is happening on the outside, is just a plain ol' game that we are all playing, some sort of character that is just doing it's thing.
If I didn't have my mornings in solitude, or in some sort of contemplation, I don't know that I could withstand the noise of how it is out there, and probably I could, but my body would probably take it all on as some sort of disease, and it would be affected greatly, more than what it takes on a small scale now.
When something is happening with my body, like my neck or back being out, it is clearly a solid knowing that I have allowed whatever is happening on the outside, to take affect on the inside. It is constant homework for me to balance my time, my energy and efforts, and to make sure that this sacred little body doesn't have "melt downs" like it likes to under any kind of stress.
My back and neck always, always take the brunt, and most times, I am in control of it, and sometimes, it rears it's ugly head and lays me flat out. My friends who have known me for years crack up at it. Not that they think it is funny, but that it is so obvious how THOUGHTS and where we are in our heads, make or break our energy in our days, how it forms so many things, inwardly, and out.
I truly don't know how people have families. It takes everything for me to balance me, my animals, my house, and time at work. That isn't even including any kind of social life, which is OK for me, right now, or any kind of passion outside of work.....any kind of hobby or art.
Everyday I say, "OK, even though I won't get to sleep till 2 am, I am going to force myself into getting up at 8 just so I can have the day and squeeze into it what I want............
I don't do good with no sleep.
Balance, I sure do love you...........
I am so grateful for my work, the customers I meet, how they make sense on my journey, and how it is, utterly important, where I am now, even if it seems crazy at times, for one reason or the other.
When I think of the customers that I have met just in these last 4 years, it makes me cry, just because of the deep connections, the family like feeling we share, and for just meeting some good souls that are just traveling through........and I get the fine opportunity to meet up with them, even if it is just for a second at the cafe counter. I acknowledge the importance, and the relevance.
Maybe I am not meant to be a recluse..........like everyone says, but I do have to say, it appeals to me more than you know.
As long as I have my music that I love, nature, my animals and a pad and pen, I am good.
I laugh because God always has different plans for me, and my friends too, laugh and say, "There is NO WAY YOU could be a recluse. People need you for so many different reasons. Hearing that so much, I feel selfish in a way. I am not quite sure how to take that sometimes.
Tonight I had a friend and his mother come in. He has been away in the Navy for awhile and each time he comes home he tries to visit. I adore him. He used to make my coffee at Starbucks everyday and we meshed. He is an old soul and one that I love whole hearted.
He always said, "you need to meet my mother". You two would hit it off.
Well long story short, I went to see her at her house so she could read my cards. I thought, well, this is up my alley, and since it had been thrown in my face so much that she was someone I "needed" to see, I thought, I'd better go......not for any other reason but to listen to my own inner call.
I went. I met, yet another amazing woman on my journey, and she is the "light of my life"............ just a beautiful soul, so real, so true, and genuine.
Not only that she and her whole entire family come to see me, and keep in contact with me. They continue to shine a very pure light and an essence that is so incredibly valuable to me, and I am pretty sure, visa verse.
It is apparent that when I make moves that I don't normally make, that it is for a reason. I said to her tonight, "You know I don't do things just because". Inside, I know there is a higher reason.
She gave me a bag and said she had gone to "Philly" and thought of me, and brought me something.
FYI she always comes bearing gifts. Last time she came, she brought me earrings and a necklace that she made. She makes amazing jewelry. And she and her daughter brought me a porcelain angel.
I went in the back room and cried that night, at work, for the astounding gifts that I am given everyday.
Tonight, inside of that little brown baggie, was a bottle of Holy Water, a prayer card from the Shrine of St. John Nuemann, and a metal of Saint Jude, Patron Saint of Hopeless Cases. I thought to myself, "Uhhh, is this a sign?? Am I some hopeless case, hahahah, no really, it was funny to see that, it made me laugh to think of it in that way for a second, but all in all, in my heart of hearts, THIS IS WHAT MAKES MY WORK WORTHWHILE.......... to forget all of the BS that happens, and to know that things are happening for a reason, and sometimes I am stupid to think that I know more than what the Universe wants to impart, in it's time.
I am ever so grateful for any and everything in my life, and for the timing, the essence, the passion, the mystery, the uncertainty, the beauty, the ugly, the every, every, everything that is bestowed upon me right now, and I just want to give a big fat freakin hug to someone............. for allowing me this great opportunity to be a receiver, (which I am not that great at), and to be able to relish in such greatness that is happening here for me, on every level.
I continue to take away labels, to allow me to forge forward into a neutral existence that won't allow me very many opinions.
I bow, greatly tonight, in sheer, sheer gratitude, for what seems not right, for what seems right, and for all things unknown.
I am forever a student, of this love.
Thank you so much for this life.
~
Monday, November 1, 2010
EXPLODING PASSION.........
Where do I start?
Hmmmmmmmmm.........
I am falling more and more in love with my days, the more I zone in on the things that make me whole, feel alive, and passionate about my stay here, so to speak.
It's been kind of an experiment these last few years, and, hasn't been easy, to get back to myself, outside of a relationship, and to settle into the person who I have been.....really, the same since I was 4 years old. NOTHING HAS CHANGED. I think that is just so amazing to me...... it reminds me of the documentary that I love so much, called 7UP. If you haven't watched it, get it, and don't be tired, because it reveals so much about who we are, and how we choose our life path from the time we are 7 and up.
It also has a sequel, with is equally phenomenal.
I am no damn different than I was lying in the grass in our front yard, just staring at the moon, and the sky, wondering how the heck I got here, and constantly wondered what was beyond those clouds, those dark nights, with glistening "stars". What are stars really? What is out there? How is it relevant to me, this tiny person........ I felt that way at age 4, no lie! It was intense then, and has not, for one bit, lightened up along my journey, some 40 years later.
It has brought me to a razor sharp edge of my own understanding of what is, and what is not, in this time, here for me, and daily, I try to mold what makes sense to me, into a reality that will take me to a place of heightened awareness, one that will catapult me,to a solid reality of a consciousness, that will comfort me, instead of placate me, here, in this crazy land.........this crazy, crazy land of.........what to call it, I don''t really know.
I am so in love with the fact that there IS something out there, call it what you want, a higher consciousness, god, the beyond, who cares what the names are..... something, something out there tells us where to go, in such specific way, but ......if we don't make the time, in our every, every moments, to hear that sacred wisdom, we will just go on, playing this silly game of ..........this feels good, that feels good, I don't feel like doing that, or I think I'll do that............ it's robotic and boring to me, but I get, honestly, how one can get entrapped in it. It takes a lot to enrapture me, to seize me, and to take me on a ride, outside of the norm, one that will entice me into something different, other than what has been handed to me thus far.
I have all of the "good things" that would make for a "good relationship", whatever that means, and all of the status quo stuff that says, "Yes, you are in the right place, at the right time".
What does that mean?
I mean, really.......what does that mean?
I am totally exploding, in a passion that is so inexpressible, at this point, but needs some kind of wording that will articulate what the hell this all is, of course, in my own minds eye. Who would believe me? I am just a "hippie" so to speak. That saying is old, and trite, and people are funny, but again, I get it. It's fine! It is not me!
My passion for this life cannot be articulated in this moment, but thus far, if you haven't gotten the idea that, this person is on a mission, you'd be crazy!!
It is.........EXPLODING PASSION............WAITING FOR AN ANSWER!
I think I will just leave it at that!
I am so on fire with a love that I am not going to explain,
thank you, thank you, thank you.
Again, humbled beyond words.
~
Hmmmmmmmmm.........
I am falling more and more in love with my days, the more I zone in on the things that make me whole, feel alive, and passionate about my stay here, so to speak.
It's been kind of an experiment these last few years, and, hasn't been easy, to get back to myself, outside of a relationship, and to settle into the person who I have been.....really, the same since I was 4 years old. NOTHING HAS CHANGED. I think that is just so amazing to me...... it reminds me of the documentary that I love so much, called 7UP. If you haven't watched it, get it, and don't be tired, because it reveals so much about who we are, and how we choose our life path from the time we are 7 and up.
It also has a sequel, with is equally phenomenal.
I am no damn different than I was lying in the grass in our front yard, just staring at the moon, and the sky, wondering how the heck I got here, and constantly wondered what was beyond those clouds, those dark nights, with glistening "stars". What are stars really? What is out there? How is it relevant to me, this tiny person........ I felt that way at age 4, no lie! It was intense then, and has not, for one bit, lightened up along my journey, some 40 years later.
It has brought me to a razor sharp edge of my own understanding of what is, and what is not, in this time, here for me, and daily, I try to mold what makes sense to me, into a reality that will take me to a place of heightened awareness, one that will catapult me,to a solid reality of a consciousness, that will comfort me, instead of placate me, here, in this crazy land.........this crazy, crazy land of.........what to call it, I don''t really know.
I am so in love with the fact that there IS something out there, call it what you want, a higher consciousness, god, the beyond, who cares what the names are..... something, something out there tells us where to go, in such specific way, but ......if we don't make the time, in our every, every moments, to hear that sacred wisdom, we will just go on, playing this silly game of ..........this feels good, that feels good, I don't feel like doing that, or I think I'll do that............ it's robotic and boring to me, but I get, honestly, how one can get entrapped in it. It takes a lot to enrapture me, to seize me, and to take me on a ride, outside of the norm, one that will entice me into something different, other than what has been handed to me thus far.
I have all of the "good things" that would make for a "good relationship", whatever that means, and all of the status quo stuff that says, "Yes, you are in the right place, at the right time".
What does that mean?
I mean, really.......what does that mean?
I am totally exploding, in a passion that is so inexpressible, at this point, but needs some kind of wording that will articulate what the hell this all is, of course, in my own minds eye. Who would believe me? I am just a "hippie" so to speak. That saying is old, and trite, and people are funny, but again, I get it. It's fine! It is not me!
My passion for this life cannot be articulated in this moment, but thus far, if you haven't gotten the idea that, this person is on a mission, you'd be crazy!!
It is.........EXPLODING PASSION............WAITING FOR AN ANSWER!
I think I will just leave it at that!
I am so on fire with a love that I am not going to explain,
thank you, thank you, thank you.
Again, humbled beyond words.
~
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