I HAVE NOT FORGOTTEN..........

WOW............It has been so long since I  have written, and quite honestly, don't know really where to start.

I thought I would start slow, and try to catch up on what has been happening over here in Gabriela-ville.

I haven't written since early November so there will be some heavy sifting going on........to recap all that has transpired, in a million different ways.

So many little things, yet the meaning is huge behind them.

I recently have been getting requests for updates on my Uncle Dick, and wanting continuous feedback about our lives, how we spend it, how we got there, and the amazing connection we have all of these miles apart.

I will have to say, first and foremost, that especially at this point in time in my life, I am so in love with the old school way of sharing love.

Letters are so beautiful because you actually are sitting to write your thoughts out, feeling the essence of that person, thinking of them whole, not missing any detail.

There is just so, so much to be said here...........honestly.......... we take so many people for granted, and being together with people regularly always seems to kind of create that comfort where, little by little, that spark, that light, and all of the things that are mystical, magical, and lovely, simmer down, and there you are left with a dull point...........not able to "write" as sharply, or even feel your sentences.......... it becomes quick, hurried, lackadaisical.........and merely not thought out.

I yearn to find a balance in every aspect of my life, and at different times, it seems challenging, and most times, these days, I am left alone to keep things real, not compromising my love, my innocence or anything really, for that matter, so that I can live in a place that is objective, pure, and full of a life that I think matters, one that remains in that innocence, lives it, and is not afraid of anyones thoughts about it, because, believe you me, (that is so my Mom)........opinions fly like nobodies business.

I pat myself on the back for that these days. People are so funny. They don't really know what to do with it all, so they fill up space, and time, and every bit of their moments, chatting away, making commentaries, and not really even thinking of the possibilities that are in such a way of living.

It's OK,  honestly. I have come such a long way in that I smile at it, and well.........it just is what it is.

What I do know, is that when I am soaking in that greatness, it takes me to a place that solidifies my daily choice to just shut the hell up..........to be quiet, more often than not, and to embrace ALL THINGS with that objectivity, that love that speaks to me in such enormous ways, when.........I am quiet.

My life boils down to that formula for EVERYTHING!! If I don't have that, everything becomes muffled, I can't hear the call, can't see or find that intuitiveness that guides me to my next moments, that allow me to just be, without "having to "do".

Life is ever changing. I can be doing just fine, and think I am exactly where I need to be, even if it is fabulous, and life will shower me with again, with even more gifts and gems and diamonds and so mannnnnyyyy beautiful things, and again, I will find out how to create that balance, yet again, no matter what comes my way.

I think as long as I always know my place, in my heart, and soul, and know my purpose here, and what all that entails, there is nothing that could ever come my way, good, bad, or indifferent, that I would not be able to handle or embrace.

I have had a recent discovery that once again, has allowed me to crush any and all ideas that I may have about myself, about just who I think I am and what that looks like.

I happen to love my life, in such an exquisite way, and yes, there are always going to be those times where I think, "Well, yes, I love my simple life and I pan over it in my head, and somehow, good ol' Jeanie wants to pop outa the bottle and tantalize you with some desire or some THING that you think you really need or want because, IT IS A "MUST" after all, right? hahah

Could be anything......... money for a blah, blah, blah........... a better paying job.......... one little thing over here, and well, how bout just that one more thing.........and then the list starts to build.

So, in the last few years I have designed my life to be just as it is right now. Amazingly simple, spent alone, diving deep into my soul, finding all of the beautiful answers I have been searching for, the experiences to go along with it, the magnitude of this existence and how that translates to me as a soul, simple treasures, my dogs, the lovers that they are, my walks, cooking, my music, working out in a way that is just natural, and not for anyone or anything, but because it feels good, and allows that space inside to be fertile for all of the deeper things that want so badly to seep into these pours, this amazing consciousness that is beckoning me day after day after day.

These are all great things to me. Sounds perfect to me!!!

And then God whispers to me.......... actually, I take that back.........this time he screamed from the freakin heavens sayin............... "GABRIELA, IF YOU DON'T TAKE ME UP ON THIS OFFER, THIS BEAUTIFUL GIFT, THAT I AM ABOUT TO PLOP DOWN IN YOUR LIFE RIGHT NOW, I WILL BE ASSURED THAT YOU WERE JUST LYING  THROUGH YOUR TEETH WHEN YOU SAID YOU TRUSTED ME WHOLE HEARTED.

He tried to "use" a friend of mine years ago, to slip in this gift, but at the time I was way to entranced with believing that my life was what it was, and believed it all to be REAL, and in that time frame, my hands were covering my eyes, nose, ears and those same hands, were held tight behind my back, unable to be in any kind of place to receive any type of gift, let alone one.

I see that he attempted several times to give me the same gift and really I might as well have said, (which I did, unconsciously) NO............NO .........GO AWAY! I don't need  no stinkin' gifts............I have plenty already, so just turn around and go back to where you came from.

WOW, I mean, really........... I remember hearing me tell a friend........ NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO AND NO!

Then, I had very strong ideas about what I wanted or didn't want, and sure enough.........I kept my world very closed off, and my  life was empty in so many ways, and always, on the perimeters of my world, were all of these blazing stars, gifts, sparkling gems, you name it..............ready to love me, to embrace who I was, in all of my "Gabriela ~ ness", and still................ MY IDEAS KEPT ME FROM LIVING MY AUTHENTIC LIFE, IN MY AUTHENTIC WAY.

In  more blogs to come I will spell out all of those things, but for now, and for tonight, I will just say, that God spoke to me, again, how gracious he is.............. and kind of threw the bait down again for me.............. and this time I stood up and laughed and yelled as loud as I could......HHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAA YOU ARE NOT GOING TO FOOL ME THIS TIME................ GO AHEAD..........THROW THE GIFT DOWN.............. I WILL SHOW YOU WHAT TRUST IS.............. I HAVE LIVED THE LAST TWO YEARS DOING SOME HOMEWORK PAL..........GO AHEAD............ THROW IT DOWN............ THROW IT DOWN.................

Well..........he threw it down alright!!!

I am FREE FALLING in the most precious, beautiful Trust there is , and without second guessing a thing, my life is changing drastically, and honestly, I have been laughing my ass off............ giggling at how complicated we make life, and how if we all do....really trust in the bigger scheme of things, GOD ALWAYS REWARDS US WITH WHAT WE DESERVE...............so much so that he details and contours everything to the bone, and leaves you standing there like...................HOLY CRAP.............. why the hell didn't I do this all those years ago???
For me, I have to know and to feel, with every cell in my being, that I am honoring and respecting my self, and others, and living the most pure, untainted and authentic life, so that I am not always searching for something that is outside of myself, but am being PRESENT TO WHAT IS, and in that, there never really is any searching to do. IT IS RIGHT HERE, WHERE IT'S ALWAYS BEEN..........INSIDE.......... !!

There are a million stories to catch you up on and I truly feel like I have just skimmed the surface tonight, knew I had to start somewhere.

Thank you for all of your beautiful emails and wanting so much to be a part of my blogs. As much as it seems that it helps you, it is much more of a gift for me, to be able to share so candidly, the events, and circumstances that happen in my daily life that help  me to become more of who I am and less of what seems to be.

Enjoy the howling of the wind tonight............ it is speaking in great volumes to me.

Goodnight and love to you all.

Gabriela