I picked this subject because it seems to be the main topic in so many people's lives. It isn't the type of thing that actually looks like, or seems like we are running, but YES, WE ARE RUNNING from ourselves.
How does this look?
I am busy 24/7, I have no time for myself, I cannot do this anymore, there is not enough time in the day, I am running ragged, I'm stressed, I am anxiety ridden, I need to take something for my heart, I cannot sleep at night, I am overweight, I hate myself, I never look like this..........
Do any of these things sound familiar?
I don't think it is anything to get freaked out about. I think it is just the simple fact that we are human, going through life, and shit comes up.... really!! Anyone would want to run for the hills. I know I would.
It takes everything for me everyday to stay good with myself. Sometimes it is easy, easy. I wake up, I feel grateful, I go to work, I share some good stuff with clients, they change, their bodies respond, they feel taken care of, I get to think outside of the box, I spend time in nature, I love on my dogs, I spend time with the birds, I am quiet, I cook lovely food for my soul, and cap it there. I read a little, fuel my soul with some inspiration, and call it a beautiful evening, really!
Some days, I wake up and my chest is pounding. Why, WHY........... I do have to ask. Why the heck is my chest pounding? What is happening that my body is responding in such a crucial manner?
What were my thoughts before bed? What am I believing to be true? What feels unfinished?
9 times out of 10 I can name it, and don't always necessarily want to own it.
I want to...............RUN!
I mean really, who wants to feel all of this body stuff because of some batch of emotions that we decided to take on?
Why did we decide to take it on? Because we are lazy!! We don't feel like thinking anymore so we just say, "I feel like crap today". "I'm not up to par today". "I don't know what is wrong with me".
YES YOU DO! Just say it!
You are unhappy! You are bored! You are dissatisfied with your progress, or lack of progress at this point and time in your life.
Please don't blame it on someone or a situation that has occurred in your life. Boy, do I know that one all too well.
No one is to blame. Not even yourself.
IT IS WHAT IT IS!
You made choices, or things occurred and you either have dealt with it or you have decided to not deal with it just yet, and want to milk the cow just a teeny bit more. I get all angles. I have been the "victim" and have also copped to my own short comings and have prayed for guidance on a better way, next time, to deal with things.
All I know, is that it is truly NOT in my nature to RUN!
Sometimes I see myself as an old woman. I visualize what that will look like. I wonder if old ideas about things and my own self will sculpt me and age or not age me. I wonder if I will be humble enough to say "Sayanara" to ideas that are just .........ideas, and that I will hurdle over a huge clump of what life is "supposed" to be and hang tight with my simple little genuine self that doesn't give a living crap what people say about me, or how they think this little person should be living, or who I am supposed to be with, or not be with, and what profession I am supposed to have, because god knows, I should be making millions right now, right?
After all, I am in my mid forties and things should look like...........THIS!!!
You know the picture, I know you do.
Half the time I say to myself, "OK, if I just had someone to help me with........... and things would be easier if........and life would be more fun if........ so and so were here............
the bottom line is, if I cannot find a balance, a harmony, a neutral ground here, in this NOW, with myself, than it ain't never gonna happen.
I am truly OK with myself.
I like me.
I like my take on life and think it is good for me, at least. I can cinch up a few things but for the most part, I wing it for loves sake. I don't want to be beholden to what should be to be SAFE.
I have to make sure I am soulfully happy, and then paste together all other ends.
Not one of us is perfect!
We try to do our best to stay good, on target, and all of that, but the truth is, stuff comes up. Our age, illness, doctor scares, wrinkles, hurts, self sabotage, image issues, self worth, should and shouldn'ts.
It's all part of it.
Embrace it and let yourself be OK with all of the crappy thoughts. I think once we embrace the crappy stuff, it takes a load off and we can actually laugh about our absurdities.
Hay, this year, I have tons more grey hair, and oh, forgive the crazy new lines on my nose and eyes from worshipping the sun.
My choice. Always my choice, right? So...... in that.....why complain. I want to accept my choices and get on with it already. Enough talk about how I shoulda coulda woulda. Yawn, yawn!!
Jeezzusss!
Be easy on yourself.
Take intermittent looks at yourself, objectively, check out what looks good and compliment yourself, or see what it is that you may want to change up, and make a plan, don't beat yourself to a pulp. Just change it for god's sake. Quit all the talking.
Hay, I say this to myself. I go on my own rants and I laugh and say, what an ass!! Be quiet and just DO IT!!
So, there it is.
Don't make mountains out of mole hills.
I'm not.
It's all going to come to an end quicker than we realize and then we are REALLY going to feel like heels. You know, we'll be there, lying pathetically, doing the proverbial, "I wish I just would have, or I should have just...... or I should have listened to......."
Let's be a little bit smarter. Check out your life right now. What do you want to get rid of? How do you want to live? What needs to happen for you to feel closest to your soul, the person that is elated, like a child opening Christmas gifts in the morning? Seriously, this isn't a joke.
HOW CAN YOU DO THIS?
Think about it.
I do. Everyday. I do the things that make me smile huge.
It may seem boring, or redundant, or pretty plain.
I don't care.
Half the time I laugh out loud knowing it is just not what is "supposed" to be but it works for me and makes me feel alive.
The only time it doesn't make me feel alive, is if I have adopted some idea that I should be doing something different, just because........ and the list goes on.
Don't run from yourself.
Take whatever seems amazing and great, and joyful to you and expound on it. Make it more real than what it is in your life now, and praise yourself for taking the risk.
Who cares what people say. Who are those people anyway?
JUMP! HURRY, BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE!
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