Hi guys!
My life has been so crazy that I have had no time to update my blog. It truly is not about what is happening in MY world that I need to relay but to be able use this vehicle to express and to relate all of life's happenings so that maybe we can understand and relate to one another without feeling so alone.
We are all trying to make it. Make money, make "something" of ourselves, feel secure, make our relationships work, whether it be family, lover, friends, feel like we are accomplishing something in this world that feels meaningful, learn from our mistakes..........man, the list really does go on, and I actually wouldn't mind spelling that out. Not tonight, but I will. For clarity sake, you know? That's why I believe in writing so much. You can talk as much as you want, but when you sit with yourself, just YOU, alone, with pen to paper, I have to tell you, that from my entire life of experiences, that ONE THING, will transform you inside and out and will get you to know yourself in the biggest of ways.
I have the simple belief that if you can adhere to some sort of mind set ( whichever works for you), everyday, that allows you to stay humble and grateful, then it won't take any kind of catastrophe to keep you in check. Not a hurricane, not an accident or a death or any kind of happening that will jolt you so much into remembering who you are, where you are, where you came from and what that all means.
Seriously. I think everyday we all have our work to stay THAT current, THAT aware, and THAT present with the people in our lives. I have to tell you that this is my daily homework, my LIFE!
For the most part I want to just be alone, do my part and hope that with all of my "good deeds" I will be happy and that nothing will go wrong. The reality is, LIFE HAPPENS, and we never know what will be coming our way. We never know what is going to happen.
I learned this when my mother suddenly passed.
HUGE AWAKENING!!! And to be honest, I haven't digested that happening in it's entirety and it has been 5 years now.
I say that and it blows me away. I consider myself an extremely conscientious human being, but that event, that happening, took me to another place and time and it has taken me this long and more to process the life of a family, a mother and daughter relationship, unconditional love, family ties, genuine AND co-dependant. The list does NOT stop here, trust me!
I think I have lived my life very full and very aware of the people in my life and loving them as much as possible in the way that I know how thus far.
Tonight, and this past week my hometown has been destroyed my Hurricane Sandy.
It has jolted me to yet another realm of consciousness, so much so that I am overwhelmed, ( in a great way), to be able to delve into another state of being. It "ups the Annie" on the level of awareness that is happening for me, or NOT happening for me, and I am left with myself, and where I am at in my life, and I get to see just where I need to step up to the plate, or plainly acknowledge how I am doing my own personal homework around all of these topics that I talk about, IE: relationships, no matter what they are, staying true and present to oneself, being honest with what all of that means and doing my homework.
I barely watch TV for my own reasons, but even my little rabbit ears that give me the daily data on what is happening isn't even working, so a few weeks ago a friend updated me on the hurricane in my own hometown. That plummeted into a wide range of emotions from where I grew up, where I hung out, to family outings, to everything that we did as kids on the Jersey Shore, to spending every weekend at Seaside Heights, the board walk, the games, the clams, the beer, the pasta, the YOU NAME IT........... IT WAS THE JERSEY SHORE AND THAT WAS OUR GIG! IT WAS OUR SPECIAL EAST COAST LIFE AND I LOVED IT IMMENSELY!
The disaster that is happening is mind blowing on so many levels. My family is still back east and everyone is okay. THANK GOD!
Like I said, time and time again there is always the opportunity to get that much closer to what is really real, time for healing and also time to actually STOP, and to reflect on our lives instead of being that rat on the wheel that is always trying to go, go, go, make a success outta life, make money, save for retirement, this, that and the other thing.
STOP!! STOP THE MADNESS, is how I feel.
This is only the beginning. Global Warming is happening. For decades there have been "premonitions" and people smirked because "who is Edgar Cayce" anyway, and who are all of the "prophets" that supposedly know the "future". C'mon people, get a grip. There is life outside of the black and white lines.
There are amazing people walking the face of the earth that don't have degrees, they are not educated in the way that you think education is, and these people, I think, need more of a place on this earth then the educated. Please know this is NOT a comparison, just an observation.
They live intuitively, they live by a vibe. I hate to sound so Austinite, or so psychic, but the reality is, there are prophets out there, incredible individuals who are tuned into what the real deal is, outside of ideas. THIS IS WHAT I LOVE! THIS IS WHAT I AM DRAWN TO.
When I was twelve it was predicted by a prophet what is happening NOW.
As I studied on through the years, the same predictions were happening, but no one wanted to look or gave looks of complete denial because there is no "back up" nothing "solid" to go by.
SOLID SHMOLID!!! WAKE UP PEOPLE. WAKE UP TO YOUR OWN SENSES! QUIT RELYING ON OUTSIDE SOURCES TO VALIDATE YOU OR TO PAVE THE WAY FOR YOUR SO CALLED FUTURE!
Start taking responsibility for your own thoughts, your own actions and forget about the higher Archy. We are ALL THE SAME HERE. HOW ABOUT MAKING UP OUR OWN MINDS???
Obama was one of "Us" at one time. He's just proactive. No different than you or me, just passionate and motivating. No fear of his opinions. Take the label of President away. Can you?
Speak your peace.
There is no right or wrong. People might fight your views but who doesn't??
Stay true to yourself.
Who cares if you speak out??
Life is fleeting.
I know for me that everyday there are constant reminders to keep forging forward with my own beliefs, and also to stay open to new information. I certainly do not profess to know anything or have the answers. I'm just me with my opinions like everyone else.
I say let everything in your life be a blatant reminder for change, for growth, and for compassion. Compassion for all of us, for where we are, for what we have learned or not yet learned, and to be okay with our process.
We are all a work in progress and no one, no one has a perfect slate.
Knowing that I hope that all of our relationships flourish with an understanding, a growth and a greater compassion for where we all are, here, in this life together, dealing with all of the same things, but with different views.
I hold my hand out, to better understand, to learn what I don't know and to hopefully share some things that may have worked for me along the way. No way is the right way. We learn as we go.
I am grateful to be able to express myself freely if anything. IF you have taken the time to listen I thank you and am completely grateful.
~
Saturday, November 3, 2012
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
TO EMPTY ONESELF....
..... is to just LET GO! Whatever that means to you. It is different for everyone. I have a friend who says, "Gabriela, my meditation is sitting by my pool, watching the water, and the dim lights in my jacuzzi and how the lights reflect on my plants in the yard". I say, "Right on!!". Whatever it takes for me, for you.
What I love about living a life true to yourself is that this life is YOURS. It is not about living according to Jesus, or Buddha, or any other deity. It is about living your authentic life and what rings true in your heart.
What is good for the goose, doesn't necessarily mean it is good for the gander.
The way I live my life is for me, and it works for me, and along the way, it is up to me to tweak it, to mold it as close to my heart as possible. And I know that along the way I am going to screw things up, as I have, but I also know that I am devoted to living an authentic life. To get rid of the things that don't work for me, and to replace them with the things that do. I discover so much about myself along the way, and it is such an amazing trek for me. I learn so much about me, my friendships, how I can be more to someone, and seek less of myself. It is so easy to be worried about the little things in my nucleus and what is happening, but the thing is, there is a whole life out there with family and friends who are going through very difficult times, just like me, or, worse.
I've learned some very crucial lessons withing the weeks past.
What I love about conscious awareness is that there will always be room to grow, to learn, and to do things differently. And mostly, how to keep chiseling down who we think we are, to how we can just BE. I know in that awareness that I can be of some service to someone. I can still take care of myself and tend to my needs, but there is a grand opening to being available to others without question.
I know I always have my homework cut out for me in the sense that people are in need. I also know that there is a ton of homework in creating healthy boundaries that allows all involved to take responsibility for themselves and to allow the holding of the hands to be there together in helping one another on this journey.
No one said this crazy life would be easy. As a matter of fact, no one ever really said anything about how it would go really. You just fly out of the "shoot" and there it is......... let the games begin. You take on the parental guidance, and there you are, like a parrot. You automatically become a replica of a person or persons. It's not like you get to decide from the get go how you would like things to roll.
It's not until the unraveling begins and you find you, as a person, with very specific thoughts, that the real life begins. Life outside of rules and regulations. Therein lies your individual self. The one that will take on a life of it's own, and form it to the being that is meant to rise up in this world as.......... whoever you are........whatever you want........ that's what I like about this life. We do have luxuries. And the luxury I am talking about is being "allowed" to be your own individual self. You may have an argument or two, but for the most part, we're pretty lucky. I know I am!
I've chosen a pretty tough life in many ways, but honestly, I would never, in a million years, trade it for the world. Not to make anyone happy or satisfied, but to know that I have chosen what makes me happy, and to be able to stand tall in that, and feel honored.
In emptying myself I know that it is a continuous coming home to myself, and that changes daily.
I check in with myself all day long and have to get quiet to be clear on what all of that means to me.
I LOVE THIS PROCESS. It keeps my mind astute.
Some people may observe and say this or that about my little life. As simple as it is, there is always, always the inquisitive mind that ponders life, it's mysteries and how I fit in with it all.
This is no walk down to feed the ducks....... although this is a side road, believe it or not.
There are a million ways to empty ourselves to become less of who we think we need to be, and also a million ways to become more available for others. To forget about this that and the other thing, and to actually be present with life that is happening on so many different levels.
I know I have my homework cut out for me and I am extremely grateful for any and all situations that allow me to come closer to this realization.
I am so grateful for the tiniest of opportunities to shed the layers that don't belong, to get me closest to my raw, raw soul, that continuously is thirsty to become whole, whole, whole!
Thank you for all of you who help me along this exquisite journey called my life.
I am forever humbled ~
What I love about living a life true to yourself is that this life is YOURS. It is not about living according to Jesus, or Buddha, or any other deity. It is about living your authentic life and what rings true in your heart.
What is good for the goose, doesn't necessarily mean it is good for the gander.
The way I live my life is for me, and it works for me, and along the way, it is up to me to tweak it, to mold it as close to my heart as possible. And I know that along the way I am going to screw things up, as I have, but I also know that I am devoted to living an authentic life. To get rid of the things that don't work for me, and to replace them with the things that do. I discover so much about myself along the way, and it is such an amazing trek for me. I learn so much about me, my friendships, how I can be more to someone, and seek less of myself. It is so easy to be worried about the little things in my nucleus and what is happening, but the thing is, there is a whole life out there with family and friends who are going through very difficult times, just like me, or, worse.
I've learned some very crucial lessons withing the weeks past.
What I love about conscious awareness is that there will always be room to grow, to learn, and to do things differently. And mostly, how to keep chiseling down who we think we are, to how we can just BE. I know in that awareness that I can be of some service to someone. I can still take care of myself and tend to my needs, but there is a grand opening to being available to others without question.
I know I always have my homework cut out for me in the sense that people are in need. I also know that there is a ton of homework in creating healthy boundaries that allows all involved to take responsibility for themselves and to allow the holding of the hands to be there together in helping one another on this journey.
No one said this crazy life would be easy. As a matter of fact, no one ever really said anything about how it would go really. You just fly out of the "shoot" and there it is......... let the games begin. You take on the parental guidance, and there you are, like a parrot. You automatically become a replica of a person or persons. It's not like you get to decide from the get go how you would like things to roll.
It's not until the unraveling begins and you find you, as a person, with very specific thoughts, that the real life begins. Life outside of rules and regulations. Therein lies your individual self. The one that will take on a life of it's own, and form it to the being that is meant to rise up in this world as.......... whoever you are........whatever you want........ that's what I like about this life. We do have luxuries. And the luxury I am talking about is being "allowed" to be your own individual self. You may have an argument or two, but for the most part, we're pretty lucky. I know I am!
I've chosen a pretty tough life in many ways, but honestly, I would never, in a million years, trade it for the world. Not to make anyone happy or satisfied, but to know that I have chosen what makes me happy, and to be able to stand tall in that, and feel honored.
In emptying myself I know that it is a continuous coming home to myself, and that changes daily.
I check in with myself all day long and have to get quiet to be clear on what all of that means to me.
I LOVE THIS PROCESS. It keeps my mind astute.
Some people may observe and say this or that about my little life. As simple as it is, there is always, always the inquisitive mind that ponders life, it's mysteries and how I fit in with it all.
This is no walk down to feed the ducks....... although this is a side road, believe it or not.
There are a million ways to empty ourselves to become less of who we think we need to be, and also a million ways to become more available for others. To forget about this that and the other thing, and to actually be present with life that is happening on so many different levels.
I know I have my homework cut out for me and I am extremely grateful for any and all situations that allow me to come closer to this realization.
I am so grateful for the tiniest of opportunities to shed the layers that don't belong, to get me closest to my raw, raw soul, that continuously is thirsty to become whole, whole, whole!
Thank you for all of you who help me along this exquisite journey called my life.
I am forever humbled ~
Sunday, August 5, 2012
WE ALL DIP IN......
......but we also have the choice to DIP OUT!
The mind is a little shit and the first chance it gets it will pack up the van and take you on a joy ride. Who doesn't like joy rides, and that is why it fools us because it gets our adrenalin going and there we are, in the midst of our own movie in our head, riding in the "van" on our joy ride, "excited" as hell, blood pumping through our veins and THIS is what our bodies recognize as FUN. Truly. It's amazing how that whole thing shows up and we totally buy into it. It's such a crock of BS.
I've redefined "fun" in my life and have worked diligently through the years to undo what "fun" means, and what excitement is.
Sometimes I feel as if I am a small child in wonderment, and often times I feel as if I have lived a very full life and am in my 80's, chuckling, saying, " What the hell did I buy into for all of those years?"
I have to take silent breaks away from my everyday norm to look at my life objectively, to see if I am buying "silver coins" or if I am standing firm in my consciousness with a fresh awareness of my actions, my thoughts and how I am moving in the world. Not according to what "should" be or "should not" be, but as a conscious human being, am I moving the way I want according to my own values?
No one is perfect. We all get the chances, daily, to re-do, re-define, and create our realities the way we want.
I get stuck just like everyone else, but I always try to see what needs to change and ask myself, "what today........ what can I change today to be more in line with my soul's yearning?"
Ya know what? This could be me being lazy and throwing away a plastic bottle into the garbage, knowing full well there is recycling. It doesn't happen often but when it does happen, I stop for a split second and go, "Wow", you are choosing to be lazy right now". I grab it out of the garbage and put it by my door to be put outside. I giggle kinda at my own laziness at times and say to myself lightly, "Give me more consciousness". Like, what the hell......... it's really kinda funny how we just move around so lazy. Honestly. As if we don't have a conscious, or a brain to decipher right from wrong. There's a million things that come to me in a day like that, just for ME, and then you venture out into the big bad world and you see so much. It's as if there is a huge veil over every one's eyes and you almost feel like you are in some Sci-Fi movie with robots moving about, eating candy, staring at their phones, zoning out to music, beeping their horns at people they don't know, cursing because they are angry that you rushed in front of them, I mean it is absolute craziness!!
I feel as if the first part of my life was so intense. I've been intense since I was a young child and that sort of was a curse. I thought and thought and thought and observed till the cows came home. Always reflective and observing behaviors, life, nature and creatures. The whole entire Universe was so sexy to me. So attractive and alluring.
Things haven't changed much and it takes everything for me to remain somewhat in the mainstream of things in "fear" that I will lose the innocence, the gorgeous edge of what is really real for me in this life, and leave all thought to my inner quest. Leave it to whoever or whatever feeds me the consciousness that I am so blessed to have now. The powers of.......... ??
It's like that silly but oh so true old movie called "Ground Hogs Day". We really do get the chance everyday to do things over and over and over again until we get it right. We all make mistakes and that is part of life, but the best is that there is a loving energy that will always be there, and it comes in many forms, to hold your hand, to let you know that you are not alone and that more choices are available to you. More than the old stinky ones you have been trying out but are just old now. Like old socks. Get rid of'em already. There are holes in them, can't you see?
Life is pretty generous.
I feel that. When I am not stuck in my own ideas of how things should go, life throws some pretty amazing curve balls and I laugh at myself when my mouth drops in total surprise. NO!! WHY AM I SURPRISED?
When I trust that I am not the controller, the end all of how life should be run, and I allow a higher power to grab my hand, it gets pretty stellar and then.......... then my mouth drops and I am like............. WHOA! How did I do that again? And then I want to do it again, and again, just to see if it works more than once. HAHAHHA!! It does damn it! I've relied on this trust for 30 years. It's never proved me wrong. When my little self gets in the way though, it ruins it all. It's a God consciousness that infuses you with the will to truck on. Don't give in to whatever it is that your brain drums up.
It so reminds me of a friend who is a quadriplegic. He couldn't move out of his chair, could only use his arms sparingly, and was in a wheel chair 24/7. He was more capable than many people I know who are fully capable. His willingness to live and to beat all odds, mentally and physically drew me like a magnet. He was and is such an inspiration for all of us who have gotten the divine opportunity to work on his body, to feed him, bath him, work him out, and just hang with an individual who was a gorgeous surfer dude from California who got in a terrible car accident and it changed his life. He, to this day, is one of my biggest inspirations.
You cannot allow ANY OBSTACLE to stand in your way. No matter what it is, there is a way to rise above any affliction, with the trust and love and courage to WANT TO HEAL, to want to change and beat all odds.
The people that inspire me are the ones who throw all ideas out of the window and they do any and everything to achieve the desired goal. When it comes to that intensity, the rule book can stay on the night stand but the source of all sources is the thing that will plummet you to the heights of where you thought or think you could never go or reach.
Take a side road. Just check it out. It doesn't have to be any one person's way. Just your way, whatever is comfortable for you. Get inspired to work outside of the box. To live in the fullest way that you can that will take you out of fear, out of any thought that will keep you stuck, and not feeling totally alive in your beautiful skin.
I'm so inspired myself, tonight. I feel like jumping up and down.
Sometimes it just takes getting a little quiet. Put down the computer or TV or music. Get away from the norm and visit with yourself, silently. It may feel uncomfortable at first but trust me, it's like sitting with a good friend who you haven't seen in a really long time. Once you break the ice, YOU ARE IN HEAVEN. You start laughing, and forgetting about all of the so called "problems" that you have and you just revel in the beauty of the moment, with your "friend". Your best friend, called YOU! ~
The mind is a little shit and the first chance it gets it will pack up the van and take you on a joy ride. Who doesn't like joy rides, and that is why it fools us because it gets our adrenalin going and there we are, in the midst of our own movie in our head, riding in the "van" on our joy ride, "excited" as hell, blood pumping through our veins and THIS is what our bodies recognize as FUN. Truly. It's amazing how that whole thing shows up and we totally buy into it. It's such a crock of BS.
I've redefined "fun" in my life and have worked diligently through the years to undo what "fun" means, and what excitement is.
Sometimes I feel as if I am a small child in wonderment, and often times I feel as if I have lived a very full life and am in my 80's, chuckling, saying, " What the hell did I buy into for all of those years?"
I have to take silent breaks away from my everyday norm to look at my life objectively, to see if I am buying "silver coins" or if I am standing firm in my consciousness with a fresh awareness of my actions, my thoughts and how I am moving in the world. Not according to what "should" be or "should not" be, but as a conscious human being, am I moving the way I want according to my own values?
No one is perfect. We all get the chances, daily, to re-do, re-define, and create our realities the way we want.
I get stuck just like everyone else, but I always try to see what needs to change and ask myself, "what today........ what can I change today to be more in line with my soul's yearning?"
Ya know what? This could be me being lazy and throwing away a plastic bottle into the garbage, knowing full well there is recycling. It doesn't happen often but when it does happen, I stop for a split second and go, "Wow", you are choosing to be lazy right now". I grab it out of the garbage and put it by my door to be put outside. I giggle kinda at my own laziness at times and say to myself lightly, "Give me more consciousness". Like, what the hell......... it's really kinda funny how we just move around so lazy. Honestly. As if we don't have a conscious, or a brain to decipher right from wrong. There's a million things that come to me in a day like that, just for ME, and then you venture out into the big bad world and you see so much. It's as if there is a huge veil over every one's eyes and you almost feel like you are in some Sci-Fi movie with robots moving about, eating candy, staring at their phones, zoning out to music, beeping their horns at people they don't know, cursing because they are angry that you rushed in front of them, I mean it is absolute craziness!!
I feel as if the first part of my life was so intense. I've been intense since I was a young child and that sort of was a curse. I thought and thought and thought and observed till the cows came home. Always reflective and observing behaviors, life, nature and creatures. The whole entire Universe was so sexy to me. So attractive and alluring.
Things haven't changed much and it takes everything for me to remain somewhat in the mainstream of things in "fear" that I will lose the innocence, the gorgeous edge of what is really real for me in this life, and leave all thought to my inner quest. Leave it to whoever or whatever feeds me the consciousness that I am so blessed to have now. The powers of.......... ??
It's like that silly but oh so true old movie called "Ground Hogs Day". We really do get the chance everyday to do things over and over and over again until we get it right. We all make mistakes and that is part of life, but the best is that there is a loving energy that will always be there, and it comes in many forms, to hold your hand, to let you know that you are not alone and that more choices are available to you. More than the old stinky ones you have been trying out but are just old now. Like old socks. Get rid of'em already. There are holes in them, can't you see?
Life is pretty generous.
I feel that. When I am not stuck in my own ideas of how things should go, life throws some pretty amazing curve balls and I laugh at myself when my mouth drops in total surprise. NO!! WHY AM I SURPRISED?
When I trust that I am not the controller, the end all of how life should be run, and I allow a higher power to grab my hand, it gets pretty stellar and then.......... then my mouth drops and I am like............. WHOA! How did I do that again? And then I want to do it again, and again, just to see if it works more than once. HAHAHHA!! It does damn it! I've relied on this trust for 30 years. It's never proved me wrong. When my little self gets in the way though, it ruins it all. It's a God consciousness that infuses you with the will to truck on. Don't give in to whatever it is that your brain drums up.
It so reminds me of a friend who is a quadriplegic. He couldn't move out of his chair, could only use his arms sparingly, and was in a wheel chair 24/7. He was more capable than many people I know who are fully capable. His willingness to live and to beat all odds, mentally and physically drew me like a magnet. He was and is such an inspiration for all of us who have gotten the divine opportunity to work on his body, to feed him, bath him, work him out, and just hang with an individual who was a gorgeous surfer dude from California who got in a terrible car accident and it changed his life. He, to this day, is one of my biggest inspirations.
You cannot allow ANY OBSTACLE to stand in your way. No matter what it is, there is a way to rise above any affliction, with the trust and love and courage to WANT TO HEAL, to want to change and beat all odds.
The people that inspire me are the ones who throw all ideas out of the window and they do any and everything to achieve the desired goal. When it comes to that intensity, the rule book can stay on the night stand but the source of all sources is the thing that will plummet you to the heights of where you thought or think you could never go or reach.
Take a side road. Just check it out. It doesn't have to be any one person's way. Just your way, whatever is comfortable for you. Get inspired to work outside of the box. To live in the fullest way that you can that will take you out of fear, out of any thought that will keep you stuck, and not feeling totally alive in your beautiful skin.
I'm so inspired myself, tonight. I feel like jumping up and down.
Sometimes it just takes getting a little quiet. Put down the computer or TV or music. Get away from the norm and visit with yourself, silently. It may feel uncomfortable at first but trust me, it's like sitting with a good friend who you haven't seen in a really long time. Once you break the ice, YOU ARE IN HEAVEN. You start laughing, and forgetting about all of the so called "problems" that you have and you just revel in the beauty of the moment, with your "friend". Your best friend, called YOU! ~
Monday, May 14, 2012
COMING BACK, AGAIN, AND AGAIN, AND.. AGAIN!
My blogs have been few and far between, and I feel it. I have many ways of expressing myself but writing has taken a back seat to design, to other types of stimuli. I'm such a passionate thing, I want to touch on all things that I am passionate about yet, time only allows so much. I do manage to get quite a bit in, but usually feel and taste the need for one thing or the other that is out of balance.
I know for me that too much stimuli, whether it be doing daily chores, or working around the clock, or trying to catch a movie early evening, walking the dogs, cooking, creating, trying to stay afloat as a business person, can leave anyone feeling a little left out of an inner balance.
I will be the first one to say to all of my clients, "Balance is the key". I start there with diet and exercise, and then they can do with the rest as they will. It really does apply to every situation. We all know what works and what doesn't for us. We just have to be adults and step up to the plate and take a stance on what that equals, how it looks and just do it. Sometimes it takes banging your head into a wall, or doing things so repetitively that you look at your life and say..........." Uh, NO!" Just can't do that anymore. And then there it is, the gumption that you thought you didn't have is right there, because you tired your own self, of your own doings. How great. No one had to tell you, or maybe people do but it took YOU feeling so sick and tired of the same ol' habits.
It's nothing to feel heavy over, I think. It's just an objective view of your life, how you run it and how no one or anything can be to blame if you are feeling low, or tired, or done with it all. We have us, ourselves, to talk with, to check things out, to place the cards where they may, to feel good or not good, find out what it takes and then lovingly and compassionately, move forward in new directions that will suit you more that what does now.
We have to be our own director. Unfortunately, that can get tiresome, but then we fall short, get lazy and then no longer do we feel the power to take the reigns. All of a sudden it is up to "someone" else or "something" else to make it all happen for us. No longer to feel empowered in our lives.
We want a drug, or someone to ease all of our discomforts. It gets to be too, too much and yes, we all need a helping hand, and I think that will always be there. I believe in a higher power that will always have our backs. I truly do, if we do the best to take responsibility for our beings in the highest of ways.
Everyday, I have to check in with myself, quietly, objectively, to see what's happening, how I am feeling and why. Do I like it? No! It's a pain in the ass actually, but I'll be damned if I am going to wait for some outside source to fill me in on ME. I'm not opposed to it. I love therapy, but I also love knowing who I am, why I choose the things and situations that I do, and try, with all of my heart, to act accordingly.
It does mean, coming back to myself, time and time again. I think that looks different to everyone. We all have our list of things, of priorities for ourselves, our goals, our desires and how it all feels and looks in a world that is so fleeting. When I say fleeting, I truly mean that with every morsel of my being.
I'm nearing 50. I realize it is a number but I also realize that things are changing. I have no want or desire to be someone. I embrace my passions, quietly, and share with a few, but I wake up everyday with the same anxieties that everyone does, the same fears, the same regrets, the grief of lost ones, or past mistakes............ all of it. I choose to heal myself in my private ways. I choose to heal through meditation and prayer, through silence.
Not everyone is the same.
It takes COMING BACK, AGAIN, AND AGAIN, AND AGAIN, to that place that only you know feels right. The place that tells you, in your own time, what is needed, what is not needed, and how you can go about it.
I don't believe that any one person can give you the answer. I believe that there is a world of teachers out there who, if you listen close enough, are telling you exactly what you need to hear, and they are right there in front of your face, and it doesn't have to be this psychological essay, or drama, or some long drawn out thing. It could be as simple as one sentence that sets us straight, and then it is up to us to act. Only we know what we need to do to act.
It kind of reminds me of doing inventory at the end of the night at a restaurant I worked in. I hated doing the foot work. As a matter of fact, I loathed it!!! Ask anyone! But if I can say so myself, doing that inventory every night gave me a really good picture of what things really looked like and what I had to do the next day to fix it, or make it right.
We have to have some guide line of the structure that we "think" we have. It will always, always change, and that is what I am noticing. Change is constantly happening and I cannot change CHANGE! If I fight it, then there I go, being the salmon who is swimming upstream, taking all of the blows from the water, but if it just relaxed in the water and let the waves take it, it would find it's natural home and safety.
I'm so grateful for the private teachings I receive from nature, from my animals, and from the people in my life who show me what it is that I want and what it is that I don't.
I continue to bathe in gratitude for my learning, for being able to stay as open in this life when most of my life has shown me that I "should be a closed, closed soul".
Life is not easy, and it does hurt. If we are at all connected to something other than ourselves, we will feel the emotional roller coaster of pain, of sorrow, of abandon, of love, of crying and laughing. It's just part of the whole journey. It's all embracing.
I can't fool myself into thinking that if I have a good attitude that things will disappear. I know that if I keep the faith and a positive outlook and I make my meditation a priority than I will be given all of the same situations, the same losses, the same loves, the same sum of life, but.......... I will have my foundation resting in a place that does not feel one way or the other. The foundation allows me to be a bystander in my own life, to take in all of the facts, feel them like any human would but to take it to another place that I hand it over to, a place of sheer trust, a place that says" I am not in control here". A godly place, if you will, that only I know, is a place of total trust. It takes the weight off of me doing any kind of specific work and allows me more opportunity to trust in a process so much greater than my everyday thinking.
THIS IS WHAT I WANT AND NEED TO NURTURE. This is a belief of mine. I share not to say that THIS is the way, but a way that has continuously worked for me, has humbled me in the greatest times of despair and has kept me low key, not wanting, not needing, but just being.
I thank every situation in my life that is teaching me to stay humble and grateful and optimistic about changing the ways of thinking in our society.
If I can do the work myself, it will be a big fat game of domino's. I'm not looking to change anyone or say my way is the way.I just think we ALL are making life way more complicated than what it is.
Go on....... go outside........... chill...............put the list down. Relax in your being and forget about the should's, where you think you need to be, or what you need to have.
Life is happening and it's happening fast.
Seize this moment.
I am.
~
I know for me that too much stimuli, whether it be doing daily chores, or working around the clock, or trying to catch a movie early evening, walking the dogs, cooking, creating, trying to stay afloat as a business person, can leave anyone feeling a little left out of an inner balance.
I will be the first one to say to all of my clients, "Balance is the key". I start there with diet and exercise, and then they can do with the rest as they will. It really does apply to every situation. We all know what works and what doesn't for us. We just have to be adults and step up to the plate and take a stance on what that equals, how it looks and just do it. Sometimes it takes banging your head into a wall, or doing things so repetitively that you look at your life and say..........." Uh, NO!" Just can't do that anymore. And then there it is, the gumption that you thought you didn't have is right there, because you tired your own self, of your own doings. How great. No one had to tell you, or maybe people do but it took YOU feeling so sick and tired of the same ol' habits.
It's nothing to feel heavy over, I think. It's just an objective view of your life, how you run it and how no one or anything can be to blame if you are feeling low, or tired, or done with it all. We have us, ourselves, to talk with, to check things out, to place the cards where they may, to feel good or not good, find out what it takes and then lovingly and compassionately, move forward in new directions that will suit you more that what does now.
We have to be our own director. Unfortunately, that can get tiresome, but then we fall short, get lazy and then no longer do we feel the power to take the reigns. All of a sudden it is up to "someone" else or "something" else to make it all happen for us. No longer to feel empowered in our lives.
We want a drug, or someone to ease all of our discomforts. It gets to be too, too much and yes, we all need a helping hand, and I think that will always be there. I believe in a higher power that will always have our backs. I truly do, if we do the best to take responsibility for our beings in the highest of ways.
Everyday, I have to check in with myself, quietly, objectively, to see what's happening, how I am feeling and why. Do I like it? No! It's a pain in the ass actually, but I'll be damned if I am going to wait for some outside source to fill me in on ME. I'm not opposed to it. I love therapy, but I also love knowing who I am, why I choose the things and situations that I do, and try, with all of my heart, to act accordingly.
It does mean, coming back to myself, time and time again. I think that looks different to everyone. We all have our list of things, of priorities for ourselves, our goals, our desires and how it all feels and looks in a world that is so fleeting. When I say fleeting, I truly mean that with every morsel of my being.
I'm nearing 50. I realize it is a number but I also realize that things are changing. I have no want or desire to be someone. I embrace my passions, quietly, and share with a few, but I wake up everyday with the same anxieties that everyone does, the same fears, the same regrets, the grief of lost ones, or past mistakes............ all of it. I choose to heal myself in my private ways. I choose to heal through meditation and prayer, through silence.
Not everyone is the same.
It takes COMING BACK, AGAIN, AND AGAIN, AND AGAIN, to that place that only you know feels right. The place that tells you, in your own time, what is needed, what is not needed, and how you can go about it.
I don't believe that any one person can give you the answer. I believe that there is a world of teachers out there who, if you listen close enough, are telling you exactly what you need to hear, and they are right there in front of your face, and it doesn't have to be this psychological essay, or drama, or some long drawn out thing. It could be as simple as one sentence that sets us straight, and then it is up to us to act. Only we know what we need to do to act.
It kind of reminds me of doing inventory at the end of the night at a restaurant I worked in. I hated doing the foot work. As a matter of fact, I loathed it!!! Ask anyone! But if I can say so myself, doing that inventory every night gave me a really good picture of what things really looked like and what I had to do the next day to fix it, or make it right.
We have to have some guide line of the structure that we "think" we have. It will always, always change, and that is what I am noticing. Change is constantly happening and I cannot change CHANGE! If I fight it, then there I go, being the salmon who is swimming upstream, taking all of the blows from the water, but if it just relaxed in the water and let the waves take it, it would find it's natural home and safety.
I'm so grateful for the private teachings I receive from nature, from my animals, and from the people in my life who show me what it is that I want and what it is that I don't.
I continue to bathe in gratitude for my learning, for being able to stay as open in this life when most of my life has shown me that I "should be a closed, closed soul".
Life is not easy, and it does hurt. If we are at all connected to something other than ourselves, we will feel the emotional roller coaster of pain, of sorrow, of abandon, of love, of crying and laughing. It's just part of the whole journey. It's all embracing.
I can't fool myself into thinking that if I have a good attitude that things will disappear. I know that if I keep the faith and a positive outlook and I make my meditation a priority than I will be given all of the same situations, the same losses, the same loves, the same sum of life, but.......... I will have my foundation resting in a place that does not feel one way or the other. The foundation allows me to be a bystander in my own life, to take in all of the facts, feel them like any human would but to take it to another place that I hand it over to, a place of sheer trust, a place that says" I am not in control here". A godly place, if you will, that only I know, is a place of total trust. It takes the weight off of me doing any kind of specific work and allows me more opportunity to trust in a process so much greater than my everyday thinking.
THIS IS WHAT I WANT AND NEED TO NURTURE. This is a belief of mine. I share not to say that THIS is the way, but a way that has continuously worked for me, has humbled me in the greatest times of despair and has kept me low key, not wanting, not needing, but just being.
I thank every situation in my life that is teaching me to stay humble and grateful and optimistic about changing the ways of thinking in our society.
If I can do the work myself, it will be a big fat game of domino's. I'm not looking to change anyone or say my way is the way.I just think we ALL are making life way more complicated than what it is.
Go on....... go outside........... chill...............put the list down. Relax in your being and forget about the should's, where you think you need to be, or what you need to have.
Life is happening and it's happening fast.
Seize this moment.
I am.
~
Friday, March 30, 2012
Back in the Swing 'a things........
It's been awhile and boy, has my life taken lots of twists and turns. I've not written my blog in some time. I journal quite often, but my blog that I love so much has gone dormant due to life changes, trying to stay afloat with change, and trying to keep self motivated so I am not beholden to any crazy structure in a building that makes me feel more dead than walking the grounds of a cemetery. Truly, it has been nuts.
I will be writing again and more consistently but wanted to break ground and let you all know I am still here and will be sharing the events of my life, and all that goes along with that. Life is golden and no matter what shows up, I always have the opportunity to jump on the positive wagon and CREATE my life, not succumb to what should be or what I think HAS to be.
There's always the chance to change and to see what is good for me in a very balanced way. That, to me, is hard core work, and especially to apply it in a very conscious way. WOW!
No matter how old I am....... I'll be doing this work.
It ignites me, and also, puts me to the test.
I miss you all and thank you for being a part of my life.
~
I will be writing again and more consistently but wanted to break ground and let you all know I am still here and will be sharing the events of my life, and all that goes along with that. Life is golden and no matter what shows up, I always have the opportunity to jump on the positive wagon and CREATE my life, not succumb to what should be or what I think HAS to be.
There's always the chance to change and to see what is good for me in a very balanced way. That, to me, is hard core work, and especially to apply it in a very conscious way. WOW!
No matter how old I am....... I'll be doing this work.
It ignites me, and also, puts me to the test.
I miss you all and thank you for being a part of my life.
~
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