HAPPY MOTHERS DAY MOMMA!

Everyday, there is something I want to show you, or share with you.
Everyday, while I am sitting outside, looking up at the clouds, I wonder just where you are, and if you can see me.

I feel you so much, and sometimes it's even scary how I feel you in the room with me.

It's scary just because it is so different, yet, the love I feel when you are there, is unspeakeable.

At night, when I am cooking dinner, I play "our" music, and sip on some wine, and cannot help but to wish you were there, telling me how much of this and how much of that, a sprinkle of this and a sprinkle of that, teaching me the ways of our heritage, and the love that goes into cooking. The sacredness of food.....God, I can go on and on!

I miss laughing with you, and telling funny stories. I miss eating good food with you, sharing recipes, and talking about food for hours. I miss catching up. I miss sharing my heart with you, and being so raw and naked with my own individual Truths, knowing you didn't agree, yet you allowed me to be me, and me you.

I miss talking about the beyond, life after death, God, and the love we have for giving.

I miss your humbleness.

I miss your stories of courage and how you made it without a husband, bringing up 5 children, working 3 jobs, and listening to how you felt as a young girl, in every aspect, allowing me to realize why you were the way you were, and just listening to a soul tell her tale of what her reality was and how it affected her as a woman. This, especially, in the last few years, was incredibly important for me, as a woman, being your child. ( I promised you a book, and a book you will get).

I miss your no nonsense way, your straight to the point comments, and your conviction behind them.

I miss you telling me how you are eating chicken soup.........AGAIN!

I miss you telling me how irritated you are with Oprah! hahahahha

I miss you singing to me. God, I miss you singing to me!!!

I miss us playing "guess this movie", or guess this movie star.

I miss you writing beautiful letters to me, and even miss seeing how incredibly gorgeous your handwriting was.

I miss your voice, your voice mails, and even the ones that you were irritated that I would never pick up on my days off.

I miss your gutteral laughter when I would make jokes.

I miss you calling me a Simpleton, Joni Bologne, and your "Little Girl".

I miss you saying, "You shoulda been a boy!"

I miss how objective you were with 5 different strong personalities in one household, and how you loved us so incredibly unconditionally,and individual, yet, had a hard time with such boldness, in all of us. I could NEVER EVER HAVE DONE IT!

Momma, I miss your heart, your love, and the warmth of your soul!!!!!

What I can tell you is...... You have made me into a blooming heart, that never seems to grow old.

You have shown me how to love, when love doesn't seem to be there.

You have shown me how to have the utmost courage, in times when I want to quit.

You have shown me how to be compassionate, and not judge.

You have given me a strength that no other person has shown me.

You have taught me how to believe in a Source way beyond our imaginations, and to know that we are always, always, taken care of.

To trust in God, and that if that is there, than I shall never, ever worry!

You taught me that we can be without, AND HAVE EVERYTHING, so long as we are loving, and giving, and honoring!

I can name a million things that I have learned from you, and miss......soooo, sooo much!

I want to bring you dozens and dozens of flowers, and shower you with the love you so deserve.

Just because you are not here, doesn't mean you are forgotten.

By all means...........you are soooooooooo alive, and you sparkle throughout my moments in everyday that goes by.

I am you, at my job.

I feel you, hear you, and remember what you taught me as a child.

Open your door to everyone, and give them food, give them love, and make sure they are warm, and comfortable.

There is a quote that I keep above my sink, and I see it and think of you everyday.

It says, "Always Assume your Guest is Tired, Cold, and Hungry, and Act Accordingly".

That is you!! And that is what you have bestowed upon me.

You have always given the whole of yourself, TO EVERYONE, every last person in your life, and even when you had nothing, YOU STILL GAVE!

There is not much in this life that means that much to me, as to want to nurture and make sure the flame doesn't go out.

This, is the one.

I am sure it won't, as my heart is ablaze with the same love and fervor as yours.

You taught me well Ma.

I have always told you that I would never wait until a birthday, or holiday, to express to you, or anyone, how I feel about them.

I cannot help, though, today, as it is Mothers Day, wishing I were there with you cooking for you, or bringing you flowers, or anything really, anything at all!

God, Ma, I have to be honest........although it is incredibly sad that you are not here, I have to say, that in my days you are so alive here with me, and since we have always lived far away from each other, I feel as if I have sort of been preened, in a sense, to love you in the most organic way, from within, and "use God" as the conduit, for our connection, which pretty much has always been the case.

It is too deep to render it anything but.

I thank you a million times over, for molding me into who I am.

I am forever indebted to you, and bow so graciously, with total gratitude, for everything that you have given to me, inside and out.

I love you more than any word, sentence or poem could ever articulate.

You are here with me,

Now,
and
always!

Thank you, Thank you, for my beautiful life!

I love you so much!!!!

Joni

WE MIGHT AS WELL............

Just stop

struggling

against

our

thoughts

and realize

that honesty

and

humor

are far more

inspiring

and

helpful

than any kind

of

solemn

religious

striving

for

or

against

anything!

~

LIFE...........

Was not meant to have

so many

boundaries.

Lighten up

everyone

It's just

YOUR LIFE

that you are

showing up to

in a big ol'

stuffy

straight jacket.

YOU ARE SAFE............

IN THE ARMS

OF

LOVE!

~

GO WHERE THE SOIL IS ORGANIC.....

AND REAL!

Fake soil doesn't really work for blooming flowers............. as our grounds that we stomp on every day.......... they need to be fertile, and pure, yes, organic, if it is going to feed our soul in any kind of real way, at least enough to make you blossom like real flowers should.

We are all that "bud", that flower that is dying to become a rose.

If we plant that bulb in soil that is just generic, I'm sure it will grow, as it isn't hard for anything to grow, if it really wants to, in some kind of natural foundation, but if we give it the soil it REALLY NEEDS TO GROW, than I think there will be no question at all, as to wether it will grow, and bloom into it's potential gorgeous flower, almost effortlessly.

I think it is important to be where things fit you, inside! Outside as well, but inside is where it counts the most. The outside is kind of a band-aid. It looks good, it feels good, but inside, there still is that rawness, that needs some ointment to make things all better, or plainly, just some fresh air.

Every now and again I think we need to access just where we are at, how it is working, and how it is not! What needs to change, what we need to plan, or sculpt for out next little chapter, long or short.

But don't forget to leave room for the "God's" to send us just what they know we are looking for. If you are too busy plotting and planning, and in fear that if you DON'T PLAN, things will go awry, and your life will fall apart, then you are missing one key element that gets pushed aside way too often........TRUST!

I used to say to a friend a long time ago who used to plot and plan his days, "God forbid you get a flat tire".

He used to plan every moment of his days, and if it didn't go that way, he would get really ticked off.

I like to have a plan, but always, it's always a must, to let it roll off of my shoulders if it doesn't happen for some reason, and go to plan B with no emotion attached, and know, this is life, ever changing and ever growing.......

I do want to leave room for the Universe to do it's magic. I DO BELIEVE IN THOSE MYSTICAL HAPPENINGS, I so do, and really, am more on that side, than the other, which is the planner.

This past year I have become the planner of all planners, probably out of a sheer necessity, and too, it was time I embraced that part of life that is really essential, to some degree, and for me, is whatever percent is absolutely NEEDED. This brain is right sided........ It will bend, but essentially, stay it's freedom lovin' self, and indulge in that absolute glory, no matter how it looks! ( take a breath left brainers), it's like you getting excited over numbers)....... ain't gonna happen over here ;) Jump from an airplane and we'll talk.........

Shoot, where is my compass, or better yet, the stars and moon?

Life is about balance. Doesn't have to be 50 /50 always. Maybe 60/40 or 70/30........ at least if it shows up on a usage sheet that the numbers SOMEWHAT WORK and you can plan off of that sheet, you'll be ok.........at least that is what I am learning.

No matter if it is left brain, right brain, conservative, liberal............ black or white.............

GO WHERE THE SOIL IS ORGANIC. BE IN SURROUNDINGS THAT SUPPORT YOU, NOT GO AGAINST YOU!

Grow and be who you are in the soil that will get you to the highest ground possible, that makes you feel good in every way. You don't have to compromise!!

If it isn't there, check out why, and use that as a gauge for your next endeavor.

ORGANIC. PURE. FULFILLING, AND SATISFYING TO YOUR BELOVED HUNGRY SOUL, that wants to live out it's natural way.

I'm off on that note.

I want to go to sleep in the realization that any and everything is possible. If I don't have a cheerleading squade around, I need to cheerlead for my own life, and make it jump and scream with a joy that IS ORGANIC, whether my goals are fulfilled or not......... as they say, "It's not so much the destination, but the journey along the way".

I'm all over that.

I love you all, and thank you for supporting me, my writing, and answering in all of your raw moments, and being just as human, and open, and willing to be in the FLOW OF LIFE with me.

Everything is cyclical.

Thank you for being a part of my life!

Love,
as always,
Gabriela

WHERE THE MIND WILL TAKE YOU

I am dumbfounded at the extent in which the human psyche can take someone...
just in order for them to feel better about themselves.
At the same time, there is an odd understanding at how someone might choose such extremes.

Today, I witnessed the total extreme of where the mind can take you~
good enough, where someone will believe their own story~
good enough, so that they will be OK, with what they are NOT!

A myriad of emotions soared through me today.

Many realizations occured and my body took on sensations that were so highly charged with past memory that I could hardly stand to be witness to it.

To be able to sit in a room, and not be able to speak, and only listen, to someone else's reality of YOUR life, and have it be so grossly fabricated, can seriously altar your view and your trust in life, and people.

In the midst of it all, to be able to find some kind of center, and sort of wink in the knowing that Truth is who we are, and the heart never wavers, is pretty amazing,but those feelings can pass in a matter of seconds!

I have always had an intrigue and a passion for " Why We Tick", why we do the things we do.
It is so utterly fascinating to me, but when it involves you, in one way or the other, the objectivity lessens, and there you sit, like a child, in the first grade, wondering how we will ever learn to write such big letters as A and Z.

Learning to understand people, and their ways and allowing them to just "be", without it affecting you, is some great, great stuff!

After all, doesn't EVERYTHING effect us one way or the other, or really........ really and truly, have we evolved that much where we can say, No, you know what? Today, that very thing didn't effect me, and on I go.

I will have to say for myself, that it is an ebb and flow. I pat myself on the back more so now than ever.

Things will be as they will be, and it really is up to me how to react, or not react, or just apply the little things that I have learned along the way to just beat the whole typical mindset.

I'ts pretty awesome to feel that organically, and know that you have overcome, or hurdled over something for your evolution.

Actually, what a damn turn on!!!!

Today was that!

I'm not a warrior, just someone who wants to see peace, amidst the muck, and give justice, where justice is due.

Doesn't mean it is easy, but what else are we going to do in all of our "spare" time?

PURITY AND TENDERNESS........

.......Is a luxury,

and

a

rarety!

Like fishing

for

gold.

DEPTH!

Another

luxury

different pond.

I go "swimming"

a lot.

The deeper I go

the

more

I

float!

I don't want

to

expect

but to

partake

in

a genuine

way

where

things

are

organic

and

without

question!

~