HAPPY MOTHERS DAY MOMMA!

Everyday, there is something I want to show you, or share with you.
Everyday, while I am sitting outside, looking up at the clouds, I wonder just where you are, and if you can see me.

I feel you so much, and sometimes it's even scary how I feel you in the room with me.

It's scary just because it is so different, yet, the love I feel when you are there, is unspeakeable.

At night, when I am cooking dinner, I play "our" music, and sip on some wine, and cannot help but to wish you were there, telling me how much of this and how much of that, a sprinkle of this and a sprinkle of that, teaching me the ways of our heritage, and the love that goes into cooking. The sacredness of food.....God, I can go on and on!

I miss laughing with you, and telling funny stories. I miss eating good food with you, sharing recipes, and talking about food for hours. I miss catching up. I miss sharing my heart with you, and being so raw and naked with my own individual Truths, knowing you didn't agree, yet you allowed me to be me, and me you.

I miss talking about the beyond, life after death, God, and the love we have for giving.

I miss your humbleness.

I miss your stories of courage and how you made it without a husband, bringing up 5 children, working 3 jobs, and listening to how you felt as a young girl, in every aspect, allowing me to realize why you were the way you were, and just listening to a soul tell her tale of what her reality was and how it affected her as a woman. This, especially, in the last few years, was incredibly important for me, as a woman, being your child. ( I promised you a book, and a book you will get).

I miss your no nonsense way, your straight to the point comments, and your conviction behind them.

I miss you telling me how you are eating chicken soup.........AGAIN!

I miss you telling me how irritated you are with Oprah! hahahahha

I miss you singing to me. God, I miss you singing to me!!!

I miss us playing "guess this movie", or guess this movie star.

I miss you writing beautiful letters to me, and even miss seeing how incredibly gorgeous your handwriting was.

I miss your voice, your voice mails, and even the ones that you were irritated that I would never pick up on my days off.

I miss your gutteral laughter when I would make jokes.

I miss you calling me a Simpleton, Joni Bologne, and your "Little Girl".

I miss you saying, "You shoulda been a boy!"

I miss how objective you were with 5 different strong personalities in one household, and how you loved us so incredibly unconditionally,and individual, yet, had a hard time with such boldness, in all of us. I could NEVER EVER HAVE DONE IT!

Momma, I miss your heart, your love, and the warmth of your soul!!!!!

What I can tell you is...... You have made me into a blooming heart, that never seems to grow old.

You have shown me how to love, when love doesn't seem to be there.

You have shown me how to have the utmost courage, in times when I want to quit.

You have shown me how to be compassionate, and not judge.

You have given me a strength that no other person has shown me.

You have taught me how to believe in a Source way beyond our imaginations, and to know that we are always, always, taken care of.

To trust in God, and that if that is there, than I shall never, ever worry!

You taught me that we can be without, AND HAVE EVERYTHING, so long as we are loving, and giving, and honoring!

I can name a million things that I have learned from you, and miss......soooo, sooo much!

I want to bring you dozens and dozens of flowers, and shower you with the love you so deserve.

Just because you are not here, doesn't mean you are forgotten.

By all means...........you are soooooooooo alive, and you sparkle throughout my moments in everyday that goes by.

I am you, at my job.

I feel you, hear you, and remember what you taught me as a child.

Open your door to everyone, and give them food, give them love, and make sure they are warm, and comfortable.

There is a quote that I keep above my sink, and I see it and think of you everyday.

It says, "Always Assume your Guest is Tired, Cold, and Hungry, and Act Accordingly".

That is you!! And that is what you have bestowed upon me.

You have always given the whole of yourself, TO EVERYONE, every last person in your life, and even when you had nothing, YOU STILL GAVE!

There is not much in this life that means that much to me, as to want to nurture and make sure the flame doesn't go out.

This, is the one.

I am sure it won't, as my heart is ablaze with the same love and fervor as yours.

You taught me well Ma.

I have always told you that I would never wait until a birthday, or holiday, to express to you, or anyone, how I feel about them.

I cannot help, though, today, as it is Mothers Day, wishing I were there with you cooking for you, or bringing you flowers, or anything really, anything at all!

God, Ma, I have to be honest........although it is incredibly sad that you are not here, I have to say, that in my days you are so alive here with me, and since we have always lived far away from each other, I feel as if I have sort of been preened, in a sense, to love you in the most organic way, from within, and "use God" as the conduit, for our connection, which pretty much has always been the case.

It is too deep to render it anything but.

I thank you a million times over, for molding me into who I am.

I am forever indebted to you, and bow so graciously, with total gratitude, for everything that you have given to me, inside and out.

I love you more than any word, sentence or poem could ever articulate.

You are here with me,

Now,
and
always!

Thank you, Thank you, for my beautiful life!

I love you so much!!!!

Joni