DRAWN TO INTELLIGENCE

Well, after a night of lightning, thunder, hail and awesome rain, you can't think that I was playing checkers, or monopoly...........not if you have been following me this far.

This girl cooks, and thinks. Cooks......and thinks!!

I recently met some very cool people at work. I was naturally attracted to them, and visa verse, and the night went on with some great, great, dialogue.

Come to find out, they were psychotherapists. Imagine that! Me being attracted to a psychotherapist.

These women were great, right up my alley, and so spunky, and man, I tell you, I coulda hung with them all night.

The topics of conversation had me so turned on, and too, not to say that every psychotherapist has to have this, but there was a sparkle in their eyes. Actually one imparticular. There is something about clarity that turns me on. This is one.

People can have issues, but when there is an intelligent perspecive, within peoples "norm" of their issues, there is something to be looked at.

The most "crazy" people, so to speak, have been the ones that have caught my attention. The ones with a voice, with an attitude of conviction, and something to stamp it all on a hard core envelope.Yes, the ones who actually have something to say.......and...it rings true, for the most part, for me.

Let's clarify this. Not all crazy women turn me on, hahha. What I meant was...... people with a voice, with a conviction behind their words are the ones for me. Who speak Truth and stand behind it!

Even if it doesn't match up, I at least like to hear intelligent conversation, and let it stimulate my brain and my soul, into what it is that IT IS TRULY attracted to, and wants to glom onto.

I have always been interested in psycotherapy, since I was a child. I still am. I just don't think that the way I am, can coincide with the rules and the regulations of such a "badge".

I have more of a MT badge. That would be Mother Theresa badge. You know, you go where help is needed and you just help....no further questions asked. Not many rules attached, you just help out of sheer love, and of heart, and you give........

It is as simple as that.

I am passionate about therapy, it's why's and how's, and really, I have to say, most of my alone time is spent investigating, or detecting the ins and outs of this way,and that way of thinking, or not thinking, and it has been my muse for quite some time now.....years almost...... if I were to give myself any kind of credence, it would go back to when I was a child, really........... the passion has always been there. It really has never left me.

So......these women intrigued me, as, somehow, I did them. They know nothing about me, just what they have experienced at the restaurant.

You know, people are people, and just because she, or they, were therapist' doesn't mean anything but they have studied the human psyche, more than we have.

They have issues, and the same darn crap that we have, it just seems to get intellectualized more.

I was all about the conversation, and who they were, as people, outside of their work.

I did notice though, that one woman stood out. She was clear,and her eye contact made a difference. She had a specific title to her psychotherapy. That title intrigued me, to say the least.

Nevertheless, she is you, and is me, and is all of us, with a degree in something.

We had great conversation, and it could have gone on for days...........

I think we actually mirror who and what we are, and sometimes it is more obvious than the other.

There is an intelligence that draws me closer and closer.

If it has anything to do with who we are and what it has to do with our lives NOW......than yes, it will draw me close, and suck me in, and almost mesmorize me, to the point where I am intoxicated! Truly intoxicated, at the reasoning of it all.

I guess the bottom line is....... I LOVE TRUTH!

And, that is MY TRUTH!

Yours may differ.

I go where my heart tells me to go, not my head.

For the most part...........

I'm learning.

If I am quiet enough, I can hear what is REAL,and what is NOT.

This is the draw to Intelligence.

~

EBBS AND FLOWS

It is so funny how everyday can be a completely different experience, within and without.

I know, and believe, that our world is what we make of it, but then again, getting real on an everyday basis, ya know, sometimes you just hate your mood, or didn't wake up oh so chipper, and maybe you are feeling fearful, or wondering how this or how that, and you are not so cutting edge on the "Law of Attraction", and you just want to go...........SHUT UP ALREADY!!! LET ME HAVE MY MOMENT OK?

I have been watching how I can go in and out of being super duper positive, to wanting to change up my whole life, run away, and just explore the deeper realms of what it is that I am so interested in, outside of what everday life looks like, and pioneer it the rest of the way.

Then I hear, "left brain, right brain". Balance this, balance that......... be smart, but stay intuitive........... god the list goes on and on and you can almost get really freakin bored of all the jargon, and stay pretty interested in your own dialogue that seems much more fascinating and adventurous,if I am to say so, without a doubt!!!

Society is funny.

But we are even funnier, for thinking we have to listen.

It is so much like walking the tight rope.

What we believe, and what society says.

Well, society can have valid points, but man, so can we, even if they are not announced, or supported.

Where do WE come in as individuals on a quest for expression......for what we soulfully believe in, support, and understand, inside, as ourselves, without comparison, just living as if we were to abide by our own rules?

What would that look like? And are we living in alignment with what our beliefs are and sharing that with people in our everyday world?

We all work pretty much the 8 or 10 hour day right?

That is a damn big chunk of time.

What is that like?

Is it in support of who we are?

Does it compliment our soul?

Is it refreshing?

Does it make us feel alive or depleted?

Does it feed our soul, or empty it?

I honestly think everything can be a learning ground, but if there are choices, and we do have choices...... in whatver we do in our lives, than we should get our measuring spoons out, and gauge what is going to be "cooked", or kept raw, and organic.

I am keeping things raw........and organic as possible.

I don't really think there is a "good" or "bad" in any of it. I mean, don't we learn from everything?


If there aren't many people around to support your way, than you might want to play a little game of chess with yourself, and find the Rookie........ the one with the most strength, and manuever that sucker till it gets home, to where it knows it is King...........and will ace over any other little chump that thinks it knows how to play the game...........

Life IS A GAME, I swear, it is a night of poker........ gambling at it's best.

It's YOU.............AGAINST YOU!!

Ready..............set...............go.............

Out smart yourself, and make it home, where you belong, as an individual, without listening to the peanut gallery who says, "Play this card, or play that card".

You know how to gamble for LOVE. Trust me....... you came out of your Mothers Womb...... (that is a whole blog, in and of itself).

Take a look back, seriously...take a look back at how you courted, ( call me old fashioned) or tried to "get the one" you were in love with.

It's like that!!!!

Romance yourself, to be WITH yourself............... to get what you want........... to live out your perfect life, exactly the way you want it.

That is MINUS ................someone.

If you can feel IN LOVE.......... without anyone to be IN LOVE, with.............you are rockin 2010 and have me interested first hand.............

Then........ if you can rock 2010 on your own........... and smile from ear to ear, alone............. and be satiated............ I will come wisk you off of your feet and see if we can blow this planet up with some grand ol' love that reeks of purity and a love that really needs to be planted on every street corner there is........... the ones that have soil that is................ organic soil!!!

I'm sure it would grow in any ol' kinda dirt, but organic soil makes things gorgeous, and beautiful and makes things taste like sweet, sweet honey, or the finest dessert you've had........... minus the calories.

Pure

love

is

HOT!!

~

WHATEVER YOU DO......

You need Courage!

Whatever course

you decide upon

there is always

someone

to tell you

you

are

wrong.

There are

always

difficulties

arising

that

tempt

you

to believe

your

critics

are

right.

ALWAYS

ALWAYS

STAY

TRUE

TO

WHO

YOU

ARE

AND WHAT

MOVES

YOU

SO

PASSIONATELY

IN YOUR

BEAUTIFUL

INDIVIDUAL

LIFE.

AFTER

ALL

IT'S

YOURS

RIGHT?
~

TRUE HAPPINESS

If you want to be happy
find something
you love
doing
so much
that you would
do it
for
FREE!

Then,
do it
so well
that people
will pay you
to
do it
for them!

MY SWEET ROSE

Today is the birthday of my sweet Gramma Rose. ( she is to the left )

I can literally write volumes on this woman.

She is the one who has molded me, spiritually, and to me, was the living embodiment of a Saint.

She reminded me of St. Francis as a child, and still, everyday, I think of her and see why I clung to her, and I mean literally, clung to her.

I spent every summer in NY with her. My family was back in Jersey, and even though I probably should have felt bad leaving my brothers, sister, and mom, I was sad for maybe a minute or two, and then reveled in my 2 hour drive, "Over the Tapanzee River and through the woods, to Grandmothers house we go".

Actually, my days now, now that I think of it, are exactly how we would spend out time together.

I know I blogged about her and some of these stories before, but because it is her birthday, and I am smiling from ear to ear thinking of her, I will write some of my simple highlights of being with her.

I had my own room across from hers. She would come in and try to wake me up.......... saying my name so gentle and sweet. I pretended to be asleep so I could hear her voice..... she would pull down the covers and put soft music on my little clock radio....... go over, open the window, pull the shades and sing while she was doing it.

She would leave and I would get up to the smell of toast and coffee. She let me drink coffee. Sanka with non dairy creamer. I loved it.

She had corn flakes and a cut up banana on the table, rye toast with homemade orange marmalade, a cup of skim milk, orange juice, and always a little note under my coffee cup that said things like, "You are my special angel", or "You are God's angel, or Just "Good Morning, I love you!"

She never threw anything away, so when breakfast was over, she would show me where to throw the garbage away. Any food related items would go in the box for either the earth worms, for fishing, and the bread crumbs would always, always go in the box for the birds.

Usually she would water the lawn before I got up, so by the time I was done with my breakfast, the driveway still had water puddles and the birds were waiting, yes, waiting, because they new that Gramma was going to throw tons of bread out there for them.

I'd run out to the driveway, sprinkle the bread, and run back to the porch to watch the momma birds dip the bread in the puddles and feed it to their young.

This sounds so simple, but I tell you, it is one of my most favorite things to do, now, everyday,along with bird seed along all of my railings........ to watch these beautiful creatures in their territory, and how they do respond to us, when we are awake to see it.

We had a hammock in the back and we would lay there in the afternoon together, and she would mimik the birds call. Soon enough, she would hear the bird respond, and then she would do it again, and they had this communion thing going on, and I just thought that was the best darn thing I had ever seen, or heard.

Funny, I was on my walk yesterday, and I heard a specific call from a bird and I was curious to see what kind of bird it was. I whistled the same tune to see if the bird would respond and it did, and we played that very same game. It lasted for ten minutes yesterday, and I literally was in awe, and thought of my Rosie girl. Oh, and yesterday it was a cardinal. I know the call now. How unbelievably cool.......... honestly.

We would put up the clothes that she washed on the line. It was an old fashioned wheel that revolved with a clothes line on it. I can hear it squeaking now. The smell of fresh linens take me right back.

I never minded doing any kind of chores that she showed me how to do because she made it fun, and it was always, always, some sort of spiritual happening, no matter what we were doing. There was always an element to anything we did, that had a spark of the divine in it. Cooking, cleaning, going for 5 mile walks to the grocery store, and then taking a cab back, feeding the animals, or even sitting in a room quiet together.

She showed me how to type on her old, old typewriter, and when she watched the news, I would type her little love letters, thanking her for showing me how to be kind to nature and animals and people. Really........this blows me away as I write, because she did some heavy planting of some seeds, in me.....so much that this is who I have become........and............ I love it!!!

She was an amazing soul, and never had a bad word to say about any one person.

I see her now, as I would peek in her room early in the morning when I would get up to go pee......

6am sharp, she was in her rocking chair in her room, quiet, with her Rosary beads and her little bible......writing little notes of wisdom, and things that she needed or wanted to abide by. She would put those notes on her dresser afterward, and the next day a new one would emerge.

To be able to see that beautiful woman, sitting in that chair, rocking gently, and knowing how much she loved that ritual, has been a concrete image in my soul, and it is the most endearing, most heart felt experience, and I am grateful to have had such amazingly deep experiences as a child, and ........... to have had them carried over into my every day existence, to be and feel whole, in myself, by myself, with nothing to hold onto, but love.........inside.

Thank you so much Gramma...........for you, for your teachings, and for giving me the most sacred part of my life!

You are loved,

Now, and forever.

Happy Birthday!

Love,
Joni

THE YOUNG AND THE OLD

I was thinking today, WHAT REALLY MAKES ME HAPPY? What really makes me bubble up with excitement, feel pure, and extremely real in my skin??

Well, there are a lot of things, but when I narrowed it down, there was one main vein that ran through each different thing I chose.

Giving!

I was walking today, for several hours, and man, all I have to say is THANK GOD FOR MY ALONE TIME, my walks,and my communion with nature.

It was bugging me, especially today, for some reason, that I haven't narrowed down what it is that I am supposed to be doing here.

I have many passions, but you know, we can't be everywhere doing all, ya know what I mean?

I thought of many of my clients that come to see me on a regular basis. The old and the young.

It delights me like no other to take either or, 90 year old woman, or 4 year old boy.

The boy, well, I know his exact favorite gelato, or his favorite TV show, or food, or even for the fact that he tells me his "little secrets" about his little life.

Really, I kid you not. I give him little quizzes to go home and try to be better at one thing or the other. Stuff he wants to get better at. We have our own little private "agreements", and when he shows up, it is this unspoken language, one that a little soul knows that someone cares enough to remember his little passions,and knows too, that it is just as important as anything, or anyone else, no matter who or what I seem to be, in his, or anyone's life, for that matter.

As is, my elder clients.

These people are the ones that make my days worthwhile.

My litte darling of a friend who is nearing 90, comes in, several times a week, and looks for me, as I do her, when she doesn't come in after a day or two. I worry about her,thinking she has fallen, or hurt her hip again, and then she shows up, hair done, lipstick on, dressed to the 9's, and smiling ear to ear when I greet her with a hug, or come up from behind and grab her arms to do a little two step. She grins so big. I can't tell you how much I love that...........God......I really do. So much fun and so, so innocent!!!!

I don't care! Dining room or not, I twirl her, ever so gently, and dance with her as if no one else were in the room. To see the look on her face is ever so priceless, and it is.............what makes going to work, worthwhile to me!

She is always surprised that I remember her order each time, and that I pour her root beer in a cold beer glass, knowing she hates warm root beer.

Maybe people are so used to..... people........ not listening.

I listen...... and...... I honetsly ..........Care!

So today, I thought, ya know, I always want to mold my life to what is closest to who I am, and what I am about, and to make that choice, with whatever it is, to be as conducive and healthy, to a conscious, loving and giving life, or way, or environment. Any and all of the above.

I know, thus far, there have been tons of changes in my life, this whole entire way, and I always have to look at my choices, and how they are affecting me..... body, mind and soul.

If something seems out of balance, I need to find that link, and find out what it is that I need to change up to make things more aligned to me, the soul, the one that needs to find solace in it's own being.

I realized today, two things that make me extremely happy are being around old people, and children.

Under those two titles comes a plethera of things that I love as well.

It all seems to encompass, giving, in one way or the other,but also, allows me to see the reality of my own life, in which I choose to live, and be, and wish to be around.

That would be innocence.

Natural beauty, that hasn't yet molded an idea of who or what they are. They are just natural acts of beingness, organically, OR who have gone back to, after seeing the vast spectrum of life, and realizing that the innocence they started out with, is, in fact, who they really are! That is after the ideas of, man, woman, marriage, divorce, children, careers, parents, and all of the things that we, along the way, think that we have to identify with, in order to be "someone" or "something" for someone.

The child, does not yet know.

The elder, knows, and quietly sustains all opinions, and is ok with their own private realizations, as they have mastered several badges on courage, in lifetime schooling in the why's, how's, and chess games that have played out decade after decade.

Wrinkles equal good to me. They equal a time span, wisdom, and a time spent in a life that was probably spent wondering, mostly, what the heck it was all about. The whys and a surrendering to the unknown facts or mysteries that more than likely were just as perplexing as the day they flew out of the womb, till the day they were lying on their death bed.

Wrinkles are well deserved, and should be appreciated, not altered. They equal good, to me, at least.

So, even though I mentioned old people, and children, without a doubt, animals are right there. No one is above the other.

I was excited (don't know why I felt so suprised), that these things are of utmost importance to me, and that it is a must that these things be in my life, in one way or the other, hopefully, more, than not, in the daily scheme of things.

To be able to take my own personal "talents" or natural abilities and merge them with the things that make me sparkle, is now a sort of quest.

There is always the balancing act, working out the details, but this is life, discovering who we are, and giving our all to it.

Life is ever changing, and no one's life is going to be like yours. There may be similarites, but when it comes down to the core, YOU ARE YOUR OWN INDIVIDUAL and when you have a good sense of who that individual is, I think it is SHEER BRILLIANCE to cut to the chase, NO MATTER what anyone else is doing, or saying, and get to gettin on your little journey. ONLY YOU know what that journey entails.

There is no degree in Love. In fact, there is no degree to be had in just being who you are, in the midst of a world that is opinion laden, on who you should be, where you should be doing it, and with whom.

Down size!

Figure out what works for YOU!

You!!!

Not anyone else!!!

The "anyone elses" will be there, if they need to be, in your evolution.

See what is good for you, and then welcome anyone or thing, that ACCOMPANIES your wonderful world. Your detailed world that is designed just for you.

It's pretty awesome knowing you are in charge.

It is a feat, mind you. No one is boasting the fact that we actually are in charge.

If they are............ I'll be there, either in the audience, or standing next to them at the podium.

Me?

Giving!

Old, Young, to whomever!

That is what works for me, and keeps me alive!

~

IT'S TOUGH................

.....being a Romantic,

when all sense of

old fashioned~ness

seems

to

have

gone out

with

the tide.

There is such

a glory

in sharing

simple

love,

and

giving

from

an entirely

full

heart,

that has

bloomed

within

itself,

and then

to share

in all of

it's

wholeness

is something

that should

be

stamped

and

molded.

Romance

starts

from

within.

Being

Romantic,

is not

something

you

DO,

BUT

SHARE.

It is

a

pure

extension,

of the

heart

that is

already

full

and whole

on

it's

own.

To then

be able

to

GIVE

OR

SHARE

THAT

IS

a

lovemaking

before it

even

begins!

~