IT'S ALMOST NOT RIGHT.............

.......to write right now.

My alone time, and what I choose to do with it has transformed me inside, outside, and in every way, shape and form.

Sometimes I feel as if I could just disappear in my experiences and never return.

I don't know how this "vehicle", called Gabriela, will use itself, in it's entirety, for the good of all, in this life, I really don't. There are so many things I want to do, things I want to help with, and to aid in making our world a more compassionate place, and a safe ground for all who have not felt safe, and to ............ah......well............ this list will go on forever......you know........my wishes and wants...........

In moments like this, or in my days spent alone, I wonder if there will ever be a way to truly articulate the enormity of what is inside, the things that I see, feel, hear and touch.

Does it, in fact, really matter, what is outside of my inner experience? Do I have to articulate it?

It is in me, so deeply, to express my feelings, no matter who or what. It is a must.

These experiences, accumulated, amount to a grandeur that, as of yet, cannot be articulated, at least in the way that measures up to what it is, or, was like, inside. It is always somewhat of a disappointment after I read what I have put down on paper, as opposed to what was REALLY happening on the inside, when pen went to paper.

I do try through poetry. That medium at least captures the mystery. Even if you don't get it, it's like any type of art........ you read, or look, but you cannot put any kind of stamp on what you think it is, because the only person who truly knows what went into that piece, is........the artist, but you are given the right..............yes, the right, to feel, to think and to surmise, just what YOU THINK that piece meant, or that poem......... there is a great freedom in art, and in expression!

Words aren't sufficient enough for me. They just don't touch what it all really is...... but.......in all of my efforts to sum up how great love can be............. ALONE.............. all alone............ without any sort of validation.......any "cherries" on top........... I have to say............ I am...........none other than........elated!

I cannot seem to get enough of being alone.

My life is so completely opposite of my job.

Yes , it is a great part of me......... I soooooooo love people!

Bringing people together, and too, watching how "it" all works- you know.......a bunch of space suits all in one big room- and so-that fascination could ignite many, many, more blogs to come!

I am out here on my deck. The lights are shining off of the water. The light house, ( my favorite sight in Austin), stares at me again, telling me so many stories.

The moon, not quite full, but blazzzzzzing, nonetheless.............

The stars..........man.......just so bright, and placed so damn perfectly it kills me!

They really do form pictures and put on shows up there........... I kid you not! Stay up one night and just sit and watch........... be patient enough to watch the phenomenon happen right before you.

It is sheer magic!

How is it..... that this simplicity can make you bare down and cry from a place that you cannot name?

People say, "Maybe you are just grateful".

No, it is beyond gratitude!!

I know, and truly feel, inside, that I am a part of it.

Again, words are really insufficient!

I cannot bypass this time to recognize the Truth in our existence.

It's pretty damn amazing and I almost cannot go back to everyday, regular, living.

Although I am immersed with people all day, or night, the rest of my life is purposefully sized down and compartmentalized to lift me up to a higher ground, a higher understanding of what this life is- and how to make the best of it, without compromising my beliefs and who I am as "Gabriela" as "Manager", as "sister", as "mother", as "friend" and as a deep, deep soul........... always, without a doubt, questioning her very own existence every day, every moment!

I'm watching, front row, my own movie.

I'm not so much attracted to the story line, but the objectivity, the symbolism, in what lies beneath it all.

It's never what it seems, really, it isn't!

There are a million stories before my eyes. Even if I could articulate it all.....

I'd need the days.............the nights........and the quietude ..........that so passionately beckon my soul..............

Now......

and.... for however long it takes............

I love you all!

Gabriela

~

MOVIN WITH LIFE

It's like the saying about money. "In one hand, and out of the other".

So it is with everything in life, I think.

When you look back on your life you see spurts of time where you were so passionate about someone or something and other faces stand out in that period of time as well......... and you really have to look at it all now and go.....WOW!

I mean, it seemed like a full life then, full of love, promises..........it was your world, a certain amount of people were in your circle and you saw only those people and had very specific experiences.

Where are they now?

This is not to say that some people don't stay around in your life from the past, but for the most part, you go back to childhood, see all of those people and experiences, go to teenage years, then

on up to your college days-after college, and now, wherever that may be.

I think of how incredibly attached I was to certain people and situations and have moved with the flow of life, and, so have others.

What once was intimate, passionate, close, best friends, classmates, neighbors, is now all a memory laden with whatever emotion you want to tie to it.

My life is ever changing and growing.

Circumstances, people, and environment, changing before me and if I don't stay current on how change is good, how being in the flow is life transforming...............than I will be mourning loss after loss for the rest of my life.

Some things you wish wouldn't change, or people that are not in your life anymore........you wish were............ but............ I don't want to be tied to a wishing tree that realistically won't deliver results because, it is just made up of wishes, and not in a reality of moving with what life brings you.

Once you jump in the river it seems foolish to hold on to the banks of the river.

That is not moving with the current.

But.....but................but............

NO! MOVE WITH THE CURRENT!

Look at the people, places and scenery-enjoy- and ........move!

Sounds so emotionally detached-and..........you kind of have to..............

Life moves too quickly to constantly hold onto things that are just in passing.

It's like going on vacation and being insistent that you do not want to go home, when you know darn well, you just have to.

You probably contemplate on the flight home..............why???

Why can't it just be this way, or that way?

Why does life have so many rules?

Isn't there a land somewhere, of free spirit where we can live so completely in our beings with no rules attached?

Well, ok, some rules...obvious ones for safety and such..............

I guess there will always be those things we want, but just cannot have.

To keep moving is homework, and...maturity!

To keep moving is consciousness-a continuous letting go of the old, and embracing the new.............and remembering what it all has taught us along the way.

I'm still moving slow- kind of on a row boat, rather than a motor boat, going down that river.

I want to see everyone, feel everything, and be present with each and every emotion that fills this body, and then.....let go, to churn new soil and begin on new treks, with greater awareness and compassion.

I am completely grateful for all who have been on my journey.

My heart is full.

Today, I am empty, ready for my row boat.

I'm moving slow............... movin slow................

~

TIMING

You will always get what you want in the appropriate time.

Don't lose sight of your vision, whatever that may be.

Keep it alive! Everyday, and all throughout your days.

There is no way that the Universe will deny you something that you want so badly.

Look around, stay awake for hints and clues, in a relaxed way. Nothing to be paranoid about, or moving from fear that if you DON'T LOOK AROUND, you will be doomed and none of your desires will come to fruition.

That is a crock!

If you are sending out messages that you want this or that but really, you are telling yourself it's probably not going to happen, or that it is not possible, than, probably, it won't...........

Check in with your self and see if your thoughts are paralleling your energy.

BELIEVE IN EVERYTHING!

Anything can happen.........truly......... if you believe in it heart and soul!

Don't underestimate yourself!!

You are bigger than you think!

When you gaze out into the ocean or look up into the sky, don't you kind of go......WOW!

How on earth?? What goes beyond those stars? Does the Ocean end?

We don't know, do we?

We just don't know how vast it all is......the whys and the how's......

It just IS...........and how beautiful a sight!!

So it is for you!

You have no idea how big you are!

But.........YOU ARE!

You don't know the mysteries that lye beyond the stars.

You don't know the depths of the waves.

We, and IT are total phenomenons and if we don't start believing in our power and capacities than everything will just remain tiny little visions through the eyes of a robot.

See everything that you want!

Don't lose sight of it...........

then...

Relax!

Life is happening........

and.....

You are

never

NOT

included!!

~

IF YOU STAND STILL LONG ENOUGH

Today, two cardinals
landed in front of me.

One,
bright red

the other
pale.

The bright one
stared at me

and
I
back.

It lasted
awhile!

I can't
explain
what happened

but
something
did!

I'm
not
the
same!

If you stand
still
long
enough

life will
plant

seeds.

You don't
need to know
what kind

just make
your soil
fertile

kick back
and
enjoy

the show!

~

IT'S THE SIMPLE THINGS

There are a few things that I just can disappear into. Cooking would be one of those things. God, how I love to cook, and good food, too.

It is my day off, and any chance I get, I like to get a bunch of healthy ingredients, spread them all out and conjure something up that just seems good to me in that moment.

Today I am making Fresh Atlantic Salmon with a Ginger Garlic, Pineapple Citrus marinade, Zucchini Squash stuffed with a Brown Rice, Shitake Mushroom, Cilantro Mango sauce, and a great salad with tons of fresh veggies and a homemade dressing that I never make, because I stink at making dressings, so I decided to embrace my little Apple Cider Vinegar and try to get as creative as I could without measuring.

Don't laugh, it's funny. You can give me any food on the face of the earth and I will cook you the most fabulous food, without any recipe, hints, clues or cheat sheet, but to make a simple dressing??? It's as if I lost all sense of any intuition, and stand there with the biggest question mark in my head.

I also have been making fresh juices everyday, hence, the produce isle in my kitchen. It really IS

just for me, but I got so addicted to juicing every day that I had to stock up.

It is truly amazing how these simple little things, not only are a beautiful sight to see, but how just in preparing these foods, or drinks, makes you feel so grateful for how available they are to us, how amazingly healing and healthy they are, and how we really don't need too much to sustain these crazy little bodies that we take for granted, so often.

I know I do. Ahh, but I don't want to get too serious about it. I'm having fun now in my life.

At one point, I was just a bit too crazy about what went into this body, and yes, I was the epitome of healthy, but to not go out to eat because they don't have blue corn instead of yellow corn, or nothing really is make without dairy, or wheat, or processed foods.......... ahhh, I just don't wanna do it. I love my Italian food, wine, bread and cheese. Leave me alone, I'm Italian, and to boot, I'm passionate about food, all of it, every last little kind, from any region, and I will learn every bit of it and then invite you over for the most fun time, to learn about all of the new foods that no one ever takes the time to know, or learn, because, well, it's weird or different than say, your steak and potatoes, or your chicken and broccoli.

C'mon............. travel with me............ eat some good food............be simple............ learn new ways, new cultures, and how to have the best time, doing absolutely nothing, but eating, sipping, and talking about any subject you choose!

Any requests.................... ???

Have a beautiful day...........I am...........rain an' all!!!

I better be careful...........feeling like this makes me want to travel and escape.......... just to be out of the "norm".

Who knows? It might be good!

Ciao!

LOVE,

Gabriela

LEARNING AND UNLEARNING

Since I was a little girl I can remember always thinking how much I loved being around old people. I felt a significant difference inside, being around them, as opposed to maybe going outside and playing with my friends.
Of course, I did go out and play with my friends, and did all of the things that kids do- but I can remember, detail for detail, wondering how and when, the next time would be that I could spend time around them..... you know, the "old" people.

We grow up doing what we are taught, what is shown to us as normal, and rarely, does a kid brake out of that mindset, to uncover what they really want or spend time doing the things that really appeal to them, in fear it will be different or looked down upon. To think freely is almost unacceptable.

In retrospect, I see how I fought for my own individuality, how I constantly ran for "cover" to think those things over, since what I wanted was never what I was actually doing....ever, unless I snuck it.

Kids have struggles. I mean these days, and even then, people are way too busy to listen to your dreams, hear about your visions and thoughts on life. Often times, you know how it goes......... ahhhh, he or she is a kid. No one would ever believe that you have such grand ideas, or deep thoughts about life or what you actually believe in outside of what you are being brought up to believe.

As I got older, I found myself still very much attracted to the elderly, and too, to kids.

I had come to find two beautiful parallels in my desire to stay connected to these two incredibly different persona's, yet so alike, in their way.

They kept my sense of realness alive amidst growing up, in life situations, chaos and struggles.

The elders always had stories to tell, out of honest experience, not just the stereotypical old person with age old stories because they had the time under their belt, but because they just........did....... and were naturally and organically seasoned.

They sat in such solid foundation with a surety about life!

They had that amazing sense of wonder - of innocence, that they had returned to after going through their journey.

The Unlearning of it all!

The coming back to that child like innocence, after all of that time spent "in life" and "with life".

They had returned to the child they once were, only now, they have consciously separated themselves from the "life" part of it.

They now see it for what it is and have decided how unimportant it all is.

They have, come home!

The small child too! From the very beginning.

They are natural wonders, excited at the very idea of going outside, mesmerized by the vibrant colors on the butterfly that just landed on the rock-

A turtle they found- the sounds of crickets at night-the warmth of their covers- the mere look of another human being............... it all starts to unravel.

The learning begins.

Ideas thoughts and programming filter in.

From that time on, it takes a lifetime to re-capture that essence. To see it in it's entirety, at least, as we did as kids, back then.

To live so fully in that awe, that essence of such a grand, grand, love.

It is such a rare moment in time, to actually find someone who nurtures this on a daily or regular basis.

I don't know what I would do without these moments, really, I don't.
It is the only thing that keeps it all real to me. Those moments have become the sacredness of my days. the only thing I really look forward to. Nothing else! Truly!!

It has become such an addiction to be out in nature, to be in that innocence, to be magnetically drawn to certain people who exude this innocence-who have lived enough in life, to know that life isn't all what it seems-that it is just made up of a bunch of facts piled high, like stacks of paper on your desk, ready to be filed.

Life can seem like a job, but we can get off at 5, and even make our own schedules, leaving the necessary time to be ourselves, to go out and play and re-learn what we knew as kids, to nurture that innocence that gets lost along the way.

I'm in! I'm swimming in it, and don't want to come out of it!

I'll do my fair share of homework, but shoot, I never did like school anyway.

All I know is, I'm not waiting till I'm old and grey.

Like today.......skipping down the road by myself. Can't even tell you the looks I got.

I don't care about opinions anymore! Really, I don't!

I know what feels good to the soul.

I hope it all looks cooky, hippie, checked out, and all of the other bold words that TRY to describe someone genuinely in love with life.

There is one word that comes to mind, and I'll end my long blog.

BIRTHRIGHT!

~

IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME.........

..........In ....."Heaven".

And someday

it will begin to happen

again

on earth.

That men and women

who are married

and men and men

who are lovers

and women

and women

who give each other

light

often

will get down

on their knees

and

while so tenderly

holding their lovers

hands

with tears in their eyes,

will sincerely speak

saying

"My dear, how can I be

more loving

to you~

how can I be more kind?"

~