....And the water
hasn't
changed.
It's up
one day
and down
the other
yet
still
a
body
of
water.
When it was down
I saw it
the same.
It's beauty
didn't lessen.
Now that it
is "up"
I see
it's
beauty
that
much
more!
Evolution
has
spoken
to me
and given me
"allowances"
that
more than likely
I would not
have
entertained
in
a
lifetime!
~
Friday, April 30, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
JAZZ AND FOOD
Not a bad combo!! As a matter of fact, I feel like I should have dim lights and a dance floor goin. Music is good, and food is flowin!
I made Mexican food earlier and it was so darn good, I could hardly stand it, (If I could say so myself, ahem!) But then I noticed this huge rash on my arm and was totally shocked, like, what the heck happened?? I thought, "Oh, Poison Ivy" from the dogs, but I am so hip to Poison Ivy and what it looks like from when I was a young kid. I am highly allergic. It wasn't that!
So, I traced back my day and even the day before. OK, I get it...........darn it!!
When I lived in New Mexico, I became a Red Chili Freak! I mean, I ate it on my eggs, my veggies, my this and my that! I loved that stuff so much, I made it, bought it, smuggled it and smoked it hahahhahah.....not really, but I hiked for that stuff..as if it were gold.... and, it was on every corner........ roasting, and that smell drove me crazy. God, I miss New Mexico and my beloved fresh Red Chili!
Well, several times here in Texas, I have searched restaurant after restaurant to see if anyone cooked with REAL Red Chili, and made something worthwhile out of it, instead of ....Oh, Enchilada's.
Nothing!
Well, I do have to say that Jorge's had some pretty good Red Chili, and as a matter of fact, I remember eating there, after getting a rather large tattoo, I ordered something with Red Chili because it said, FROM NEW MEXICO......... and I absolutely ADORED IT, so I ordered it and it brought me right back to the Sante Fe Square, where my peeps were, who hooked me up with some pretty stellar Red Chili.
Unfortunately, I do remember that glorious night, my tattoo night, and feeling so incredibly high after getting it, that after dinner......... I broke out in a rash and felt so odd, and well........... ALLERGIC! I am no stranger to allergic reactions, no matter what it is. HUGE BUMMER............ I decided then, that Red Chili and I can no longer court each other! The Romance is over, sad but true.
Now, that was 4 score and several years ago, so I thought I would give it a try again.
NO BUENO!!
Arms looking like they'd been shot a million times with a BB gun. Can't do it Red Chili, as much as I love you, I'm sorry, I just can't!!
So, I went to the next best thing, with what I had on hand. Ingredients for Indian Food. My passion, my love............ Brought me right back to LA when I was a chef at an amazing Indian restaurant. Tons of stories that I will save you from tonight. Nevertheless, awesome! Awesome people, awesome learning, and a melding with food and spices that would be comparable to .........yes........that word that I shouldn't say on here, right? Maybe for another blog, but you get the gist?? Ultimate satisfaction!
I immediately got my stash of Indian spices, got my Jasmine Rice, my fresh ginger, and Dahl, and started brewing ideas! I actually watched myself, dancing in the kitchen, excited at what I might be preparing, for myself, no less, hahahaha, and poured myself a great glass of Red, and went to town. I grabbed my Iphone, yes, I did, and put it on my music station that I love, one of them anyway, and literally, got all jazzed up, cooking for myself, smelling this amazing food, watching the spices turn color, and being so excited that with as little ingredients that were around, I managed to drum up this dish that kicks butt........literally........... it is so darn good that I just want to feed everybody!!!!
This is not a bragging session by all means. It is like...... How cool to be able to know how to make foods from anywhere, be in love doing it, sharing it, and tasting it?! I mean, it amazes me that I KNOW HOW TO DO ALL OF THIS! Really, it came to me at an early age, without me asking, especially African and Indian Food. Mexican too, but that fell to the way side and made room for plenty of African Foods and Indian that took most of my time.
If I could have 5 or 10 people here right now, to cater to, to pour wine to, to laugh with, to BS and just hang with.............awwwwwwwwwww........wow.. how sweet would that be?
Tonight is just one of those nights.
I would do this for ANYONE!!
That is how much I love cooking and allowing you to experience love, mixed with food, mixed with people, mixed with just me........ in my element.
Maybe sometime soon............
Love you all and hope to share food, and love, and tons of good laughter as a celebration of life, and us, and togetherness.
All my love,
Gabriela
I made Mexican food earlier and it was so darn good, I could hardly stand it, (If I could say so myself, ahem!) But then I noticed this huge rash on my arm and was totally shocked, like, what the heck happened?? I thought, "Oh, Poison Ivy" from the dogs, but I am so hip to Poison Ivy and what it looks like from when I was a young kid. I am highly allergic. It wasn't that!
So, I traced back my day and even the day before. OK, I get it...........darn it!!
When I lived in New Mexico, I became a Red Chili Freak! I mean, I ate it on my eggs, my veggies, my this and my that! I loved that stuff so much, I made it, bought it, smuggled it and smoked it hahahhahah.....not really, but I hiked for that stuff..as if it were gold.... and, it was on every corner........ roasting, and that smell drove me crazy. God, I miss New Mexico and my beloved fresh Red Chili!
Well, several times here in Texas, I have searched restaurant after restaurant to see if anyone cooked with REAL Red Chili, and made something worthwhile out of it, instead of ....Oh, Enchilada's.
Nothing!
Well, I do have to say that Jorge's had some pretty good Red Chili, and as a matter of fact, I remember eating there, after getting a rather large tattoo, I ordered something with Red Chili because it said, FROM NEW MEXICO......... and I absolutely ADORED IT, so I ordered it and it brought me right back to the Sante Fe Square, where my peeps were, who hooked me up with some pretty stellar Red Chili.
Unfortunately, I do remember that glorious night, my tattoo night, and feeling so incredibly high after getting it, that after dinner......... I broke out in a rash and felt so odd, and well........... ALLERGIC! I am no stranger to allergic reactions, no matter what it is. HUGE BUMMER............ I decided then, that Red Chili and I can no longer court each other! The Romance is over, sad but true.
Now, that was 4 score and several years ago, so I thought I would give it a try again.
NO BUENO!!
Arms looking like they'd been shot a million times with a BB gun. Can't do it Red Chili, as much as I love you, I'm sorry, I just can't!!
So, I went to the next best thing, with what I had on hand. Ingredients for Indian Food. My passion, my love............ Brought me right back to LA when I was a chef at an amazing Indian restaurant. Tons of stories that I will save you from tonight. Nevertheless, awesome! Awesome people, awesome learning, and a melding with food and spices that would be comparable to .........yes........that word that I shouldn't say on here, right? Maybe for another blog, but you get the gist?? Ultimate satisfaction!
I immediately got my stash of Indian spices, got my Jasmine Rice, my fresh ginger, and Dahl, and started brewing ideas! I actually watched myself, dancing in the kitchen, excited at what I might be preparing, for myself, no less, hahahaha, and poured myself a great glass of Red, and went to town. I grabbed my Iphone, yes, I did, and put it on my music station that I love, one of them anyway, and literally, got all jazzed up, cooking for myself, smelling this amazing food, watching the spices turn color, and being so excited that with as little ingredients that were around, I managed to drum up this dish that kicks butt........literally........... it is so darn good that I just want to feed everybody!!!!
This is not a bragging session by all means. It is like...... How cool to be able to know how to make foods from anywhere, be in love doing it, sharing it, and tasting it?! I mean, it amazes me that I KNOW HOW TO DO ALL OF THIS! Really, it came to me at an early age, without me asking, especially African and Indian Food. Mexican too, but that fell to the way side and made room for plenty of African Foods and Indian that took most of my time.
If I could have 5 or 10 people here right now, to cater to, to pour wine to, to laugh with, to BS and just hang with.............awwwwwwwwwww........wow.. how sweet would that be?
Tonight is just one of those nights.
I would do this for ANYONE!!
That is how much I love cooking and allowing you to experience love, mixed with food, mixed with people, mixed with just me........ in my element.
Maybe sometime soon............
Love you all and hope to share food, and love, and tons of good laughter as a celebration of life, and us, and togetherness.
All my love,
Gabriela
Saturday, April 24, 2010
SOMEONE SAID TO ME...........
"Why don't you write about something different, like Politics?"
Knowing this person, and what they like to talk about, I said, "Well, if you were to have a blog, would you write about Spirituality and Love?"
"Of course you wouldn't, your passion is politics".
That statement spoke to me in so many ways, so many languages,
and silently whispered,
a solid
reassurance
of where I am
and the continuance
of Love
in my days
and why,
why
ever
I can be
so darn happy
in the midst
of a world
that is made up
of
absolute
and
total
chaos!
~
Knowing this person, and what they like to talk about, I said, "Well, if you were to have a blog, would you write about Spirituality and Love?"
"Of course you wouldn't, your passion is politics".
That statement spoke to me in so many ways, so many languages,
and silently whispered,
a solid
reassurance
of where I am
and the continuance
of Love
in my days
and why,
why
ever
I can be
so darn happy
in the midst
of a world
that is made up
of
absolute
and
total
chaos!
~
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
TO BE YOURSELF......
............in a world
that is constantly
trying
to
make
you
something
else
is
the
greatest
accomplishment!
~
that is constantly
trying
to
make
you
something
else
is
the
greatest
accomplishment!
~
Monday, April 19, 2010
Saturday, April 17, 2010
I'M NOT SURE WHY.........
........ the rain
makes me
think
of
you!
Here I sit
looking out~
the rain
beating
against
the
rail~
the sound
of
the
rain
hitting the chimes
the roof
the window
and any other
object
out there
that makes it all
sound
so
orchestrated
as if
"they" had
been playing
this song
all
along!
Maybe,
you
are
watching
and
maybe
just
maybe
you
are
listening
to
the
same song
that is so
tenderly
playing
for me
on this
glorious
glorious
afternoon!
~
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Monday, April 12, 2010
FOR THE LOVE OF......................
FOOD!
GOD, HOW I LOVE FOOD!
How I pan back on running home from school, and my mother calling me from work. She was in the Realistate business. She worked 3 jobs, as a single mother, to feed, school and love on 5 children. Huge ............. just a huge existence. More for another blog.
So, anyway, she would call me from work, and say, "OK, honey, I took the veal out, it should be thawed". Now I will walk you through how to make Veal Marsala. "Go on, get your pan, she would say". "OK, now, you have your olive oil right, (like it was a given that you start out with olive oil). "OK, got it", I would say.
"OK, now, you drizzle the olive oil in the pan...........meanwhile you get the veal, you put it on the cutting board, and you tenderize it like this............. and she would explain, while on the phone, in between customers.
This was how I learned how to cook, outside of being a little knat tugging at her skirt tail, to show me each and every thing she was doing when it came to cooking.
She was a God, I swear, she was!
That woman could make you any.............anything, (Oh, except Mexican or Indian), she was a traditional Italian girl, who was in love with her culture, the food, the process, the passion, and so incredibly in love with serving people, and not just with food......... if she had one dime left, it was yours...........if she had one T-Shirt left, it was yours............. Truly, truly, an amazing woman with a passion for so many things, yet food was how she made love to the world!
My grandmother was the same way.
As soon as you walked into her house, it reeked of Pecorino Romano cheese. Usually it was for her famous Eggplant Parmesan, but nonetheless, that huge chunk of Pecorino sat on her table, with that cheese grater that looked so seasoned, (meaning, old as all get out.) There was a huge plastic baggie that it was stored in, but no matter what we were eating, that seasoned grater followed us to the table, and there we would sit, grating fresh cheese on every darn thing we ate.
That smell is so specific to me, and is so homey to me. I work with it everyday, smell it, and have such a home feeling..........it's crazy! I love it!!
Between my Grandma (Francesca) and Mom, I learned a plethora of Italian recipes that could fill your kitchen from now until the day you die!
My grandmother had already passed when I had gone to Italy, but when I went, for my 40th birthday, I flew into Rome, and before even getting there, I had chills, that I was going to the place that my ancestors were from.
Both sets of Grandparents were from Italy. They came over on the boat. What an amazing history......one that my brothers have followed up on and have done a genealogy chart to track down where it all began.......... our family, that is.
My stay in Italy was unbelievably poignant!
The mere smell in the air, smelled like Grandma Frances' house............
I don't speak Italian. I was one of those typical American kids that thought it was stupid back then to want to learn from her Grandparent, how to speak another language. I could kick myself so hard in the butt for not being attracted to learning my culture, my language, and being whole in that. I think back and she was all about us learning culture, and the finer things in life. Ugghh!!
I do have to say, though, when I stayed in Italy, I could understand most of what they were saying. I can't tell you how. But that is what I want to say. WOW......... I did remember........ I heard my grandmother in so many of those people........... the body language of course...........the hands, the motions, and the intonations. I understood, but could not respond too well, in the language.
I made sure I ate every last thing that I grew up on, to see if it was like Grandmas, or Moms.
The whole entire time, I journaled to my mother. Every meal, every cappuccino, every last bit of everything, I wrote down for her. I truly wanted her to feel as if she were there with me.
I was so bewildered at my unexpected feelings, just by being there.......... I had wished, both she, and my sister were there with me, to delight in what we feel so whole hearted in, so passionate about, as Italian women!
It really doesn't stop at food either.
We are just a passionate culture that cannot seem to hide it, and even if we tried, it would seep out somehow............ it would have to............... it is so overwhelming, the love, the passion, and the need to be around food, people, wine, and laughter.
To cook for someone is like being in church to me............ church...............whatever you want to call it. It is as sacred as sacred could be to me.
It is how I am today.
I'm not on 6th street hootin and hollerin.............. I probably went to the grocery store, bought the essentials, and then some, and on the way home, plotted and planned what I could possibly make that would be excellent, creative, and beautiful...............
maybe not even creative, or, beautiful, (although, I do have to admit, that even though it is just me, for the most part, I go out of my way to make it look just how I would make it look for you, or whoever is coming to my house to eat).
I am so grateful for passions, what makes us happy, and feeling whole!
This, to some, may sound boring, or exhausting, or what have you.
To me, it is the thread of life..............
I am ever so grateful for the know how. Thank you my sweet beloved Mother. All we talked about was food, and recipes, and how to, and what could we make, or create............. shoot, even if she ordered Chinese take out, she would describe every last flavor, and why she loved it so.
I have been blessed...............truly, I have!
If for some reason, I get to cook for you, know that it is nothing other than a sacred act of love, that courses through my veins, like nothing other, with a history that even I, cannot comprehend.
All I know, is the feeling I get, the euphoria that takes over, and the utterly, sweet, sweet joy of being able to hand you a plate of food, made in total love.................
To boot, if you wind up liking it? I have made love to your soul!
Sorry to sound so............. whatever, but this is.................... passion ...........at it's best!
This is......... my heritage.............. this is................ who I am............and............what I love!
Allow myself to share a bit of this, with you..................
P.S. Oh, and when in doubt................Salt...........Pepper...............Garlic!!!
That is all you really need to know.............
All my love to you,
Gabriela
~
Saturday, April 10, 2010
BOUNDARIES
...........the more you stay true to your being, and what is healthy for you, and whole, and honest, the more you lose, pretty much, everyone in your life..............and you are left with what is real, and pure...........
It may be lonely.............. and it may be true..................but it doesn't mean the process in knowing this, is easy, or by any means, a blanket of comfort.
~
It may be lonely.............. and it may be true..................but it doesn't mean the process in knowing this, is easy, or by any means, a blanket of comfort.
~
Friday, April 9, 2010
FROM A DISTANCE
If I had
a pair of
binoculars
with a strength
strong enough
to reach
where
you
are
I'd grab them
right now
for one
tiny
chance
to see
you
and
your
beautiful
beautiful
smile!
~
a pair of
binoculars
with a strength
strong enough
to reach
where
you
are
I'd grab them
right now
for one
tiny
chance
to see
you
and
your
beautiful
beautiful
smile!
~
Thursday, April 8, 2010
MOMENT BY MOMENT
When living entirely moment to moment in your life, you begin to wonder just what it was like, not too long ago, when everything in life was at your disposal.
I pan back on the recent past, and see how my life has changed so much, inwardly, without certain "luxuries", that we can all take for granted everyday. Phones, cars, stores, access to any and everything, if........you had a way to get there............ even bus lines........... no where in sight........
It brings you back to the very bare bones of life, and allows you to actually make things work, in an organic way, when, otherwise, we normally just mozie on in our days, not even thinking how awesome it is to actually drive, instead of walk, not calling someone, or emailing someone, but waiting to see them.......
There are so many things to do in a day, and it gets so filled up with "stuff" that takes up our time before we even realize it. Then, the day is gone, and you wonder what the heck you did with your day....
It kinda takes away from the real goods that fill our soul.
It is a shame that we wait for forced moments, or tragedies, or illness, or a broken leg to slow down, or your back going out, or whatever it may be...........to actually slow down and see the world, and experience it in a full way.............to actually be present with things, and nature, and people, and yes, the ol' cliche' to stop and smell the roses...........literally!
It reminds me of being in Africa. The people there are so genuine. You see how different they are, how they are so grateful for any and everything. Yes, situations are forced upon them, but nonetheless, you see how being without makes for some good soul! They experience such simplicity. It truly showed me how divine life can be, how humbling, without all of the stuff, the luxuries, the nice cars, homes, this that and the other thing. I'm not saying I don't love all of that stuff, because I do, but I do know that life is pretty damn precious, as a matter of fact, more precious, without those things. You can't help but to be grateful, every waking moment.
I remember coming home from Africa, so sad for the way we live, in many ways, and didn't want to lose what I had gained from there. I felt so selfish to be an American, in ways.
We have forgotten the simple life.
The "being" and not "doing" aspect of life is missing here...........
I think as long as I have Mother Nature surrounding me at all times, I will be OK. I don't want to swing to one whole side of not having, or doing, and too, don't want to be the shop a holic, grab every luxury I see because I can either. I think there can be a happy medium, to be able to stay humble in today's society, and not feel the need to buy into a mind set, just because it is what everyone else is doing, or, how we were brought up.
Hay, as long as I can hear God whispering the stories I need to hear...........and put it to some good use, I'll be happy to hop in my convertible BMW and head out to get a mani-pedi and some good deep tissue massage..............not a problem!
Moment to moment is definitely where it's at!!
Try not driving for a week, hay, even a day............... and still plan on doing what you need to do.......... and let me know.......... I'm super curious...................
Life is incredibly grand..................without one single solitary thing!!
Hooray for wisdom and love!
Enjoy every tiny moment today.
Love always,
Gabriela
I pan back on the recent past, and see how my life has changed so much, inwardly, without certain "luxuries", that we can all take for granted everyday. Phones, cars, stores, access to any and everything, if........you had a way to get there............ even bus lines........... no where in sight........
It brings you back to the very bare bones of life, and allows you to actually make things work, in an organic way, when, otherwise, we normally just mozie on in our days, not even thinking how awesome it is to actually drive, instead of walk, not calling someone, or emailing someone, but waiting to see them.......
There are so many things to do in a day, and it gets so filled up with "stuff" that takes up our time before we even realize it. Then, the day is gone, and you wonder what the heck you did with your day....
It kinda takes away from the real goods that fill our soul.
It is a shame that we wait for forced moments, or tragedies, or illness, or a broken leg to slow down, or your back going out, or whatever it may be...........to actually slow down and see the world, and experience it in a full way.............to actually be present with things, and nature, and people, and yes, the ol' cliche' to stop and smell the roses...........literally!
It reminds me of being in Africa. The people there are so genuine. You see how different they are, how they are so grateful for any and everything. Yes, situations are forced upon them, but nonetheless, you see how being without makes for some good soul! They experience such simplicity. It truly showed me how divine life can be, how humbling, without all of the stuff, the luxuries, the nice cars, homes, this that and the other thing. I'm not saying I don't love all of that stuff, because I do, but I do know that life is pretty damn precious, as a matter of fact, more precious, without those things. You can't help but to be grateful, every waking moment.
I remember coming home from Africa, so sad for the way we live, in many ways, and didn't want to lose what I had gained from there. I felt so selfish to be an American, in ways.
We have forgotten the simple life.
The "being" and not "doing" aspect of life is missing here...........
I think as long as I have Mother Nature surrounding me at all times, I will be OK. I don't want to swing to one whole side of not having, or doing, and too, don't want to be the shop a holic, grab every luxury I see because I can either. I think there can be a happy medium, to be able to stay humble in today's society, and not feel the need to buy into a mind set, just because it is what everyone else is doing, or, how we were brought up.
Hay, as long as I can hear God whispering the stories I need to hear...........and put it to some good use, I'll be happy to hop in my convertible BMW and head out to get a mani-pedi and some good deep tissue massage..............not a problem!
Moment to moment is definitely where it's at!!
Try not driving for a week, hay, even a day............... and still plan on doing what you need to do.......... and let me know.......... I'm super curious...................
Life is incredibly grand..................without one single solitary thing!!
Hooray for wisdom and love!
Enjoy every tiny moment today.
Love always,
Gabriela
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
NATURE...............
..........See how nature ~ trees ~grass...grows in silence ~ see the stars ~ the moon and the sun, how they move in silence....
We need silence to get to the very core of who we are, to seek what we are so diligently looking for, but.......on the outside.
We need silence, and nature, to remind us of who we are without one single solitary thing........... one person or another........... just you.......... and the very sounds of nature, the smell of the air..... the small wonders...
Reading about nature is OK.... but if a person walks in the woods, and listens......really listens carefully, he can learn more than what is in any book, or classroom...........for nature...........to me..........
is
the
voice
of
god.
~
Monday, April 5, 2010
TRANSFORMING THE OLD..............
.....INTO THE NEW!
I have always had a fascination for walking sticks. They somehow represented wisdom to me.
Not only that, it is so symbolic of our trek through life.
Years ago, my friends daughter would spend the night at my house.
She adored me, as I did her.
We used to go hiking together, traipse the woods with the dogs, and I always gave her a walking stick.
She loved it! It was personal, and I think made her feel important.
We would trek on for hours, and she was so amazing.......... just mozy...ing.......on along...but was so comfortable with not saying anything. She just went with it.......you know.........the walk, the streams, the rocks........and being able to just be.............in nature.
Those were some of the most precious moments to me. Watching a child not care about being home watching videos, playing on the computer, but actually relating to nature, and what it offers us.
Nonetheless......... one day, we returned home from a 3 hour trek with the dogs, and she was exhausted!
I wasn't!
I came home only wanting to scrape away on my stick.
I had a vision of making my walking stick beautiful.
I chiseled away at it........... gave her some tools........cuz she so was interested in what I was doing...rather than feeling tired.
I told her to go to sleep, that I was going to make my own walking stick.............. for me.
Well, she said, " Can't you make one for me?".
Of course, my heart sank. Are you kidding me? I am right on it! A kid.........wanting something from me?
Nothing else would stand in line! (god forbid I have a kid).
She went to sleep for awhile, and I sat up, scraping away at this wonderful cedar limb I had cut down from my property.
They were dead limbs, mind you..........I couldn't chop down the living!
Yes, every coupla days I'd go out with my chain saw, and scope out what was what, and if I saw that there were opportunities to get firewood or branches...........I would.
Most days off were spent in the woods, doing something or other............ It is where I feel most at home!
One year, a friend of mine made me a walking stick. It totally overwhelmed me when I opened it, as walking sticks were always my favorite. They symbolized so much to me.
When I opened this gift, it made me cry from so deep within.
It was so personalized. Made from the heart.
I will never forget it.
In my spare time, when I have it, it is what I love to do, aside from traipsing in nature.
God, I don't even look at trees like I used to. I look to see what limbs would be good for sticks.
Making those sticks has to be the most wonderful, freeing, experience ever!
I have made tons of them. Each one, with their own story, how it was picked, the experience shucking it, sanding it, cutting the limbs off, and then sanding it to perfection.............man......... how high of an experience!! What love I feel..................... for nature, for the basics of life.
Which is why I love Africa, but that is another story. Long, beautiful, and passionate!
It is so amazing to be able to take a branch from a tree, and to be able to transform it into something that is beautiful, something........actually, useful!
When I went to Africa, I couldn't wait to go to the ONLY wood shop in Malindi, that basically handmade EVERYTHING that was sold, or exported from Africa.
Oh my god, the women, beading so quietly......... with such tenacity.
The men, sitting there, not with machines, mind you, but bare handed, carving every last picture, every last word, onto wood.
I filmed the entire process and thanked them so graciously.
There is something to be said about touching life, the very life that is outside our doors everyday.
Trees, grass, dirt, rock................. the basics of life............and being able to use it for our good, or for sale, or just for personal gratification............... it is so humbling, and beautiful, ten fold!
Today, I decided to not take all of the dogs for walks, and to just walk myself.
I kid you not, I fell into an abyss of wonder, of love, and of contentment.
I took pictures........ I sang............. I skipped........... I talked to God............. I just.............WAS!
I came home tonight and knew, for some reason, that I would be shucking some sticks.
I was so elated to go and get my knife, that screams ........ME................ to sit out back on my deck, with a glass of wine, with the dogs, while the winds were roaring............ to feel that organic kinda feeling........... hand to wood............ knowing that you were making something from nature............. all by yourself............no machines, no nuthin............... it truly IS an organic process.
I have sold a ton of these sticks, and to be honest........ when I watch each stick leave......... it is like saying goodbye to a lover who you spent time with............REAL TIME WITH............
so natural, so organic, and real.
There is not one stick the same.
For some reason, these sticks mean the world to me.
Maybe it is the process............maybe it is being absent from the ego.............. maybe it is coming full circle with life............... who is to say?!
All I know is, in doing, or not doing.............I am elevated..........so incredibly satiated.............and in love............ so much so, I don't want, any one, or anything..................
It all..............just.............is!!
I am so utterly grateful for my simple, simple life!!!
Thank you.............thank you..............thank you.............so much for showing me what life REALLY IS!
~
Sunday, April 4, 2010
IT'S JUST THAT KINDA DAY..........
Nothing more! Nothing less!
So amazingly beautiful.............so deep............ so light hearted............... so introspective.................... peaceful.............. intuitive.............. laden with love.............. with respect..........with gratitude............... with reverence................ with total appreciation..........................
We have it made guys.............. so made in the shade, it isn't even funny!
I appreciate all of the gadgets, technology and such, but when you sit with nature for awhile...........just quiet, with nothing else.............. God speaks to you, in a language you just might like.
I am so extremely grateful for my time alone! The time I have to contemplate. The time I have to not say a word.......... to fill my cup inside................ fill it with such good stuff............... the love that you may receive..........that stuff only comes with an objective view..........time alone, to appreciate what is here, in front of us.................... simple stuff................ a compliment......... a gift............ a reassurance that someone is doing a good job............... oh, so many things..................
Somehow, we have to refill......rejuvinate...........and give out, what is so splendid, inside!
It is cyclical!
What you give.......so shall you receive!
Do good............why not................ why wouldn't you want to share part of your special moments with someone? It's not corny........ or gay............or whatever people deem sensitive gestures.
It is life.........fragile, beautiful and laden with gifts that you have no idea .......god....just no idea, how incredible those gifts are, how they transform you, get you close to the place that most people only experience when they are on their death bed.
You don't have to wait till you are sick, or lonely, or some tragedy happens!
Life is happening!
It is so full, so alive and screaming with a love that is so different from the love you know!
Embrace tiny moments.
Don't let them pass you by.
Forgive.
Forget.
Allow understanding where you think there is no room.
Give a huge hug to the one you cannot embrace.
Look, I have experiences.............they ain't little..................
Go ahead, embrace the one who is on you last nerve...............
It's all good.............
Your day off is coming and you can rejuvenate.......................fill your cup so that you can withstand any and everything that comes your way.............
But ONLY YOU..............will know how it is that you will feel good............... what it takes to rejuvenate.............to accept............allow............and to be OK with any and everything that is happening in your life!
Go simple!
Throw on your ugly shoes...........your ratty sweats............ your dingy T-shirt..........and head out........... just jump up and take a walk outside..........no phone, no nuthin...........
and..........
get back to me..............
You don't have to pay extra for this organic product..............
It is right out there, in front of your face.............. yelling for you to pay attention to it!
Trust me........... I don't do mediocre!
I like fine, fine things!
This one, though............ I actually don't have to pay for!
~
Saturday, April 3, 2010
WE GAIN STRENGTH
.......and courage,
and confidence
by each experience
in which
we really stop
to look
fear
in
the
face......
we must do
that
which we think
we
cannot!
and confidence
by each experience
in which
we really stop
to look
fear
in
the
face......
we must do
that
which we think
we
cannot!
NOT JUST TAKIN' THE GARBAGE OUT
So one of our new procedures at work is to escort our workers to the dumpsters. It's got a lock and key and such on it, and so, when it is time, we take whoever has that task to the dumpster, and well.............we do the trash thing.
It is always an interesting few minutes to me. Many don't speak English. I have my own rendition of how to speak Spanish, and it's gotten better, but for the most part, we connect by way of body language and Gabriela- isms. They laugh, so do I, and it makes for the sweetest connection.
I do plan to get better with Spanish, but for right now, languages and numbers aren't my fav.
There is one worker, amongst many, whom I have a soft spot for. They are all different in their way, and all have such a sweet charm and actually, an old fashioned - ness about them that is endearing, and I guess, too, for sure, I play the mother role, and see these guys everyday, listen to them, hear their stories, their everyday lives, and want to always make sure they are OK, even if I never say a word about it. I am so happy to see them everyday, and truly, I do, feel like I have a little nest of babies.
So, I was on the way out to take the trash with one of the workers, and he is so motivated, so hard working, so eager to please and never says no to anything I ask.
We got to talking about many things on the way to the dumpster. He has lived a very difficult life, and well, I could share a ton of things, but to keep this somewhat safe, I will leave most details out, and you can fill in the blanks.
His life hadn't been very smooth, and from early on in age, he knew he wanted to become a fighter..........a boxer!
Well, if anyone knows me, the mere mention of boxing and I am lit up like a Christmas Tree.
He told some stories of when he was a kid and how he was, and what he dreamed of.
I felt I would have to share some of my stories since they were so parallel.
We talked of our love for boxing, and why. We spoke of our childhoods, and how we were fighters, inside and out.
He dreams of becoming a boxer one day, and I admire that, for many reasons. Some obvious, and some not.
Over the years, I have only gotten one person to go to a boxing match with me.
Boxing is a passion of mine, since I was 5.
My brothers taught me to box, to move, to dodge, to spar, and to defend myself in any given situation.
I've used it, for play, for sport, and for survival.
Walking back to the restaurant, I wanted to walk slow, to grasp our conversation. It wasn't just some regular conversation.................. it stuck to me.
It would take all night to relay all that we talked about.
There is such a beauty and a reverence for someone who has been on the dark side, and also, too, on the bright side.
This man, has not had a pretty life, but is smiling everyday, as helpful as could be, so loving, and works harder than anyone I know.
He is an old soul.
As we walked back to the restaurant, he said, "I am going to be a fighter one day".
I said, " There have been several fights I have wanted to go to here in Austin, but no one wants to go with me".............. want to go? He was elated. I felt like I was standing next to a brother.
Well, we went back in, and off to our busy night.
After I got home and relaxed a bit, off of a crazy night, I panned back on to going to the dumpster, and thought, how funny is this life.............really!
The best time, out of the entire evening, was walking to the dumpster, with X, listening to his story, his love, his passion, and his desire to overcome every hurdle in his life, to do what he wants to do, to share his passions that are overflowing so freely, and to see, that there is not ONE SINGLE JUDGEMENT ON HIM FOR ANYTHING.
He may walk around with thoughts that he is not good enough, or worthy of such things that he desires, and here I stand, looking at him with such reverence, for being his own individual, for being a fighter in his life, and for standing up for what he believes is good.
His life is in no way perfect. If you were to hear of it, you might judge it.
I........simply............cannot.
I see this little boy............and I get so filled up.
It allows me the stance of stepping back in my own life, to view it with total compassion, and to see that I am that same little girl, with survival things, with gusto, with a passion for life, and a way to release that energy, whether it be boxing, or writing, or expressing myself creatively.
No matter the release, I do have a focus and a way to let it out.
There are so many ways.
It just so happens that boxing is one of my passions.
It isn't so much the external fight, or hitting, or any of that.............. I think it is an external way of releasing the inner fight we have had, in a conducive way.
I finished my night and got home.
I went upstairs to my gym.
I printed out this photo recently of a boxer, down on his knees, bowing, with his arms wrapped up. It spoke to me so loudly, I wanted it hung up for me to see, everyday. The symbolism is so laden with truth, it is overwhelming!!
I stood there and looked at the photo. I cried thinking of X and the stories he had told me tonight.
I looked over at my weights and barbells, and then saw my two pair of boxing gloves hanging there. I honestly just froze there for a moment.
I knew that one pair of those boxing gloves would have to be given to my little friend at work. I saw the photo, and thought for sure, I should copy that off, frame it, and give it to him, for inspiration, as it has been for me, in so many ways.
He's only 20 maybe 21, but such an old, old, soul! So giving so loving, and gentle as a deer.
It's so funny....the giving thing, ya know. People take things so wrong, when really, some things are just given out of sheer innocence and caring.
All I could think of was my excitement to wrap these gloves in a box, with a framed picture of that boxer, and to write something short, that expressed my gratitude for our walk to the "dumpster".
Very simple. Nothing else.
I wish for all of his dreams to come true, to live the best life he can, with all of his passions and desires, and to be happy in his skin.............. with all of the labels that go along with his persona.
My heart is so full of love and compassion.
Not just for this little soul, but for all of you, who have goals, desires and loves, that maybe you think is too far out of your reach.
NOTHING IS OUT OF YOUR REACH! NOTHING!
You want to be a boxer? Than THAT, you will be!!!
What is it that will push you to the edge?
Is it just needing someone to listen? Not even doing any thing, but just someone that will listen to your hearts desires?
If so............... plunge away! Those people will appear as soon as you believe that you will be supported!
Live your best life.............as close to what you visualize as you can...if not............spot on!
Get right on the money.
And............if you get the opportunity to tell someone that they can do it no matter what............please do................ WE ALL NEED SOMEONE..............SOMEONE TO TELL US THAT WE CAN HAVE ANYTHING WE WANT.................. not just as a tale, but as a Truth............a real reality that we are capable of any and everything we so desire.
I am so incredibly grateful for my "walk to the garbage"............my incredibly precious moments that I feel honored for......................to have been able to listen to one soul...........it's passions, grievances, and hopes.............for itself................ to overcome.................... to rise above.............and come out on top................... of itself.................
to not be fooled by what we sometimes tell ourselves.....................
that couldn't be more far............from the beautiful truth that lies within.
THANK YOU......THANK YOU................THANK YOU.................
~
It is always an interesting few minutes to me. Many don't speak English. I have my own rendition of how to speak Spanish, and it's gotten better, but for the most part, we connect by way of body language and Gabriela- isms. They laugh, so do I, and it makes for the sweetest connection.
I do plan to get better with Spanish, but for right now, languages and numbers aren't my fav.
There is one worker, amongst many, whom I have a soft spot for. They are all different in their way, and all have such a sweet charm and actually, an old fashioned - ness about them that is endearing, and I guess, too, for sure, I play the mother role, and see these guys everyday, listen to them, hear their stories, their everyday lives, and want to always make sure they are OK, even if I never say a word about it. I am so happy to see them everyday, and truly, I do, feel like I have a little nest of babies.
So, I was on the way out to take the trash with one of the workers, and he is so motivated, so hard working, so eager to please and never says no to anything I ask.
We got to talking about many things on the way to the dumpster. He has lived a very difficult life, and well, I could share a ton of things, but to keep this somewhat safe, I will leave most details out, and you can fill in the blanks.
His life hadn't been very smooth, and from early on in age, he knew he wanted to become a fighter..........a boxer!
Well, if anyone knows me, the mere mention of boxing and I am lit up like a Christmas Tree.
He told some stories of when he was a kid and how he was, and what he dreamed of.
I felt I would have to share some of my stories since they were so parallel.
We talked of our love for boxing, and why. We spoke of our childhoods, and how we were fighters, inside and out.
He dreams of becoming a boxer one day, and I admire that, for many reasons. Some obvious, and some not.
Over the years, I have only gotten one person to go to a boxing match with me.
Boxing is a passion of mine, since I was 5.
My brothers taught me to box, to move, to dodge, to spar, and to defend myself in any given situation.
I've used it, for play, for sport, and for survival.
Walking back to the restaurant, I wanted to walk slow, to grasp our conversation. It wasn't just some regular conversation.................. it stuck to me.
It would take all night to relay all that we talked about.
There is such a beauty and a reverence for someone who has been on the dark side, and also, too, on the bright side.
This man, has not had a pretty life, but is smiling everyday, as helpful as could be, so loving, and works harder than anyone I know.
He is an old soul.
As we walked back to the restaurant, he said, "I am going to be a fighter one day".
I said, " There have been several fights I have wanted to go to here in Austin, but no one wants to go with me".............. want to go? He was elated. I felt like I was standing next to a brother.
Well, we went back in, and off to our busy night.
After I got home and relaxed a bit, off of a crazy night, I panned back on to going to the dumpster, and thought, how funny is this life.............really!
The best time, out of the entire evening, was walking to the dumpster, with X, listening to his story, his love, his passion, and his desire to overcome every hurdle in his life, to do what he wants to do, to share his passions that are overflowing so freely, and to see, that there is not ONE SINGLE JUDGEMENT ON HIM FOR ANYTHING.
He may walk around with thoughts that he is not good enough, or worthy of such things that he desires, and here I stand, looking at him with such reverence, for being his own individual, for being a fighter in his life, and for standing up for what he believes is good.
His life is in no way perfect. If you were to hear of it, you might judge it.
I........simply............cannot.
I see this little boy............and I get so filled up.
It allows me the stance of stepping back in my own life, to view it with total compassion, and to see that I am that same little girl, with survival things, with gusto, with a passion for life, and a way to release that energy, whether it be boxing, or writing, or expressing myself creatively.
No matter the release, I do have a focus and a way to let it out.
There are so many ways.
It just so happens that boxing is one of my passions.
It isn't so much the external fight, or hitting, or any of that.............. I think it is an external way of releasing the inner fight we have had, in a conducive way.
I finished my night and got home.
I went upstairs to my gym.
I printed out this photo recently of a boxer, down on his knees, bowing, with his arms wrapped up. It spoke to me so loudly, I wanted it hung up for me to see, everyday. The symbolism is so laden with truth, it is overwhelming!!
I stood there and looked at the photo. I cried thinking of X and the stories he had told me tonight.
I looked over at my weights and barbells, and then saw my two pair of boxing gloves hanging there. I honestly just froze there for a moment.
I knew that one pair of those boxing gloves would have to be given to my little friend at work. I saw the photo, and thought for sure, I should copy that off, frame it, and give it to him, for inspiration, as it has been for me, in so many ways.
He's only 20 maybe 21, but such an old, old, soul! So giving so loving, and gentle as a deer.
It's so funny....the giving thing, ya know. People take things so wrong, when really, some things are just given out of sheer innocence and caring.
All I could think of was my excitement to wrap these gloves in a box, with a framed picture of that boxer, and to write something short, that expressed my gratitude for our walk to the "dumpster".
Very simple. Nothing else.
I wish for all of his dreams to come true, to live the best life he can, with all of his passions and desires, and to be happy in his skin.............. with all of the labels that go along with his persona.
My heart is so full of love and compassion.
Not just for this little soul, but for all of you, who have goals, desires and loves, that maybe you think is too far out of your reach.
NOTHING IS OUT OF YOUR REACH! NOTHING!
You want to be a boxer? Than THAT, you will be!!!
What is it that will push you to the edge?
Is it just needing someone to listen? Not even doing any thing, but just someone that will listen to your hearts desires?
If so............... plunge away! Those people will appear as soon as you believe that you will be supported!
Live your best life.............as close to what you visualize as you can...if not............spot on!
Get right on the money.
And............if you get the opportunity to tell someone that they can do it no matter what............please do................ WE ALL NEED SOMEONE..............SOMEONE TO TELL US THAT WE CAN HAVE ANYTHING WE WANT.................. not just as a tale, but as a Truth............a real reality that we are capable of any and everything we so desire.
I am so incredibly grateful for my "walk to the garbage"............my incredibly precious moments that I feel honored for......................to have been able to listen to one soul...........it's passions, grievances, and hopes.............for itself................ to overcome.................... to rise above.............and come out on top................... of itself.................
to not be fooled by what we sometimes tell ourselves.....................
that couldn't be more far............from the beautiful truth that lies within.
THANK YOU......THANK YOU................THANK YOU.................
~
Friday, April 2, 2010
APRIL FOOLS
OK, so don't hate me! I never do April Fools stuff!
I am not going to Africa, although my plans are in motion. I couldn't think of an April Fools joke, and when I started to write my blog, I remembered it was the 1st. I thought, Ahhh, for people who really know me this will get'em. Darn............
I feel so bad only because after posting my blog, I literally got 60 emails about what? why? how? are you sure? this that and the other thing, and the truth of the matter is................. I WILL BE GOING TO AFRICA...............
I'm not a good April fooler........or I guess I am............... but no...............I am not leaving just yet.
Man, for one April fool joke, I sure do feel bad..............
I'm here............ I'm not going anywhere just yet...............
My joke wasn't even a bad one, comparatively speaking.
Sorry guys.
I love you...............
~
I am not going to Africa, although my plans are in motion. I couldn't think of an April Fools joke, and when I started to write my blog, I remembered it was the 1st. I thought, Ahhh, for people who really know me this will get'em. Darn............
I feel so bad only because after posting my blog, I literally got 60 emails about what? why? how? are you sure? this that and the other thing, and the truth of the matter is................. I WILL BE GOING TO AFRICA...............
I'm not a good April fooler........or I guess I am............... but no...............I am not leaving just yet.
Man, for one April fool joke, I sure do feel bad..............
I'm here............ I'm not going anywhere just yet...............
My joke wasn't even a bad one, comparatively speaking.
Sorry guys.
I love you...............
~
Thursday, April 1, 2010
AFRICA HERE I COME!
............leavin...........on a jet plane...............don't know when I'll be back again............... leavin............on a jet plane.......................
~
~
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