DOIN SOMETHIN RIGHT

Either

I've reached

insanity

or

I've

mastered

living

and

laughing

in the

midst

of

an

extremely

chaotic

world!

RECEIVING

Receiving

is

an

art

in

and

of

itself!

STOP

arguing

with

reality.

~

WE SHOUDN'T HAVE TO

fight

to find time

to know ourselves

completely.

I think

what needs

to happen

is that

we find

our Truth

in our work

and let THAT

dictate

our

days.

The precious

moments

that reveal

who we are

all day

everyday.

To be able

to share

that gift

is worth

much more

than

making any

business

the money

it needs

to

survive.

~

WHEN THERE IS PAIN

Find out why!

THE MORE CLEARLY YOU UNDERSTAND

..........yourself

and

your

emotions,

the more you

become

a

lover

of

what

IS!

THIS MOMENT...........

IS ALL WE HAVE!

There are no guarantees

ever!

What IS guaranteed

is

LOVE

in this very

precise

moment.

IF

YOU

LET

IT

there will be

no need

for

anyone

or

anything.

It is

THE MOST

pleasurable

experience

I have ever

had

in

my

entire

life!

GIVING IS SO MUCH EASIER............

than receiving.........

I don't know why it is that when I am doing what I love to do, which is giving, in one way or the other, that I find it so darn difficult to simply take some of those same things, but receive them, instead of giving it out??

It does perplex me, and I am sure there is some psychological reasoning behind it. Isn't there always?

It's got to be named some sort of syndrome. Guaranteed!

Why is that? I mean even a simple card, or compliment, or anything simple and sweet that someone would do, is so hard to accept sometimes. Like the other day when two friends of mine, one from California and one from Fredricksberg came in with a bundle of goodies for me. I could barely stand it. I was so thankful and appreciative!

So, when there is something pretty big, that someone wants to do, it is completely overwhelming and I find myself standing frozen, as if I don't know what to do.

Seriously, there is a whole body language thing that happens, a mind set, and many other things to boot.

Oh yes, I do my little........hmmmmmmm where did that come from? Why is my body feeling this way, or that way, and why am I hot or slightly chilled all of a sudden......... there are a bunch of things that I ask myself, just out of a natural awareness, and too, instinctively, I know it has to do with many other things, and they all work together somehow to make up a fact of some sort, about me, or about the human psyche, or the inner realms.........like I said, they all work together and it fascinates me how they all play a part together to make up a certain type of personality, and why all of that was formed to begin with. I know it is as simple as, someone did something nice, but hay I can't help but to think in all of those other ways as well. It's just part of me.

I recently have been emailing a friend of mine everyday. We have been conjuring up ideas for something, but in the context of our emails,I have found it so difficult to grasp what she has to say about me, in her objective way. I mean it is all wonderful, let me tell you...........I am baffled. Not because I don't think well of myself, I do like myself, but I know she is not a person to blow smoke up my ashtray, so when she says something it is pretty sincere, and black and white.

The last two days have been extremely humbling for me, and especially the context of our conversations......... I have had to take a step back and look at myself objectively, and do one of those...........hay, you ain't so bad check in's, ya know what I mean?

I think a lot of times we run around like robots and we don't see ourselves as cleary as others do, and when we hear of how people perceive us, it is always interesting, and if it is anything super positive I think, unfortunately, we stop a bit longer to see if we can actually see that point of view just as easily as they do.

I really adore this person. Not because she thinks I am a nice person, but because two souls acknowledge goodness, and purity of heart, and a willingness to always see Truth above all of our muck.

There is a support system there, and even though we don't see each other, at all, really, there is a strong connection of some kindred souls, on their own journeys, and it is without a doubt, known, that in ANY INSTANCE we would do anything for each other, even if those exact words were never spoken. It is just a given.

I have had to digest some things in our conversations that were potent, yet light and sweet.

With my work, and the lack of time I have, it is so hard to find moments, without doing, doing, doing, and to actually sit and contemplate the ins and outs of my life and to be THAT objective.

Don't get me wrong, you all know, from my blogs, what I do. I do make time for walks, being along, and yes, being alone........... ( Did I say, being alone? ) haha

That equals good.

So, god forbid anything new and different comes into my life........ phew........I guess I will cross that bridge when it comes.

I am extremely grateful for learning, more and more, how to accept love as freely as I can give it. It isn't an easy thing for me. It is much easier for me to be the giver.

I am blessed to have good people in my life, seen, or unseen. The ones unseen, more than likely have no idea how much they have impacted my life. They too, are the givers.

Thank you to all of you who show me more aspects of myself, by being yourself, and for loving me as the person I am.

All my love,
Gabriela

DRAWN TO INTELLIGENCE

Well, after a night of lightning, thunder, hail and awesome rain, you can't think that I was playing checkers, or monopoly...........not if you have been following me this far.

This girl cooks, and thinks. Cooks......and thinks!!

I recently met some very cool people at work. I was naturally attracted to them, and visa verse, and the night went on with some great, great, dialogue.

Come to find out, they were psychotherapists. Imagine that! Me being attracted to a psychotherapist.

These women were great, right up my alley, and so spunky, and man, I tell you, I coulda hung with them all night.

The topics of conversation had me so turned on, and too, not to say that every psychotherapist has to have this, but there was a sparkle in their eyes. Actually one imparticular. There is something about clarity that turns me on. This is one.

People can have issues, but when there is an intelligent perspecive, within peoples "norm" of their issues, there is something to be looked at.

The most "crazy" people, so to speak, have been the ones that have caught my attention. The ones with a voice, with an attitude of conviction, and something to stamp it all on a hard core envelope.Yes, the ones who actually have something to say.......and...it rings true, for the most part, for me.

Let's clarify this. Not all crazy women turn me on, hahha. What I meant was...... people with a voice, with a conviction behind their words are the ones for me. Who speak Truth and stand behind it!

Even if it doesn't match up, I at least like to hear intelligent conversation, and let it stimulate my brain and my soul, into what it is that IT IS TRULY attracted to, and wants to glom onto.

I have always been interested in psycotherapy, since I was a child. I still am. I just don't think that the way I am, can coincide with the rules and the regulations of such a "badge".

I have more of a MT badge. That would be Mother Theresa badge. You know, you go where help is needed and you just help....no further questions asked. Not many rules attached, you just help out of sheer love, and of heart, and you give........

It is as simple as that.

I am passionate about therapy, it's why's and how's, and really, I have to say, most of my alone time is spent investigating, or detecting the ins and outs of this way,and that way of thinking, or not thinking, and it has been my muse for quite some time now.....years almost...... if I were to give myself any kind of credence, it would go back to when I was a child, really........... the passion has always been there. It really has never left me.

So......these women intrigued me, as, somehow, I did them. They know nothing about me, just what they have experienced at the restaurant.

You know, people are people, and just because she, or they, were therapist' doesn't mean anything but they have studied the human psyche, more than we have.

They have issues, and the same darn crap that we have, it just seems to get intellectualized more.

I was all about the conversation, and who they were, as people, outside of their work.

I did notice though, that one woman stood out. She was clear,and her eye contact made a difference. She had a specific title to her psychotherapy. That title intrigued me, to say the least.

Nevertheless, she is you, and is me, and is all of us, with a degree in something.

We had great conversation, and it could have gone on for days...........

I think we actually mirror who and what we are, and sometimes it is more obvious than the other.

There is an intelligence that draws me closer and closer.

If it has anything to do with who we are and what it has to do with our lives NOW......than yes, it will draw me close, and suck me in, and almost mesmorize me, to the point where I am intoxicated! Truly intoxicated, at the reasoning of it all.

I guess the bottom line is....... I LOVE TRUTH!

And, that is MY TRUTH!

Yours may differ.

I go where my heart tells me to go, not my head.

For the most part...........

I'm learning.

If I am quiet enough, I can hear what is REAL,and what is NOT.

This is the draw to Intelligence.

~

EBBS AND FLOWS

It is so funny how everyday can be a completely different experience, within and without.

I know, and believe, that our world is what we make of it, but then again, getting real on an everyday basis, ya know, sometimes you just hate your mood, or didn't wake up oh so chipper, and maybe you are feeling fearful, or wondering how this or how that, and you are not so cutting edge on the "Law of Attraction", and you just want to go...........SHUT UP ALREADY!!! LET ME HAVE MY MOMENT OK?

I have been watching how I can go in and out of being super duper positive, to wanting to change up my whole life, run away, and just explore the deeper realms of what it is that I am so interested in, outside of what everday life looks like, and pioneer it the rest of the way.

Then I hear, "left brain, right brain". Balance this, balance that......... be smart, but stay intuitive........... god the list goes on and on and you can almost get really freakin bored of all the jargon, and stay pretty interested in your own dialogue that seems much more fascinating and adventurous,if I am to say so, without a doubt!!!

Society is funny.

But we are even funnier, for thinking we have to listen.

It is so much like walking the tight rope.

What we believe, and what society says.

Well, society can have valid points, but man, so can we, even if they are not announced, or supported.

Where do WE come in as individuals on a quest for expression......for what we soulfully believe in, support, and understand, inside, as ourselves, without comparison, just living as if we were to abide by our own rules?

What would that look like? And are we living in alignment with what our beliefs are and sharing that with people in our everyday world?

We all work pretty much the 8 or 10 hour day right?

That is a damn big chunk of time.

What is that like?

Is it in support of who we are?

Does it compliment our soul?

Is it refreshing?

Does it make us feel alive or depleted?

Does it feed our soul, or empty it?

I honestly think everything can be a learning ground, but if there are choices, and we do have choices...... in whatver we do in our lives, than we should get our measuring spoons out, and gauge what is going to be "cooked", or kept raw, and organic.

I am keeping things raw........and organic as possible.

I don't really think there is a "good" or "bad" in any of it. I mean, don't we learn from everything?


If there aren't many people around to support your way, than you might want to play a little game of chess with yourself, and find the Rookie........ the one with the most strength, and manuever that sucker till it gets home, to where it knows it is King...........and will ace over any other little chump that thinks it knows how to play the game...........

Life IS A GAME, I swear, it is a night of poker........ gambling at it's best.

It's YOU.............AGAINST YOU!!

Ready..............set...............go.............

Out smart yourself, and make it home, where you belong, as an individual, without listening to the peanut gallery who says, "Play this card, or play that card".

You know how to gamble for LOVE. Trust me....... you came out of your Mothers Womb...... (that is a whole blog, in and of itself).

Take a look back, seriously...take a look back at how you courted, ( call me old fashioned) or tried to "get the one" you were in love with.

It's like that!!!!

Romance yourself, to be WITH yourself............... to get what you want........... to live out your perfect life, exactly the way you want it.

That is MINUS ................someone.

If you can feel IN LOVE.......... without anyone to be IN LOVE, with.............you are rockin 2010 and have me interested first hand.............

Then........ if you can rock 2010 on your own........... and smile from ear to ear, alone............. and be satiated............ I will come wisk you off of your feet and see if we can blow this planet up with some grand ol' love that reeks of purity and a love that really needs to be planted on every street corner there is........... the ones that have soil that is................ organic soil!!!

I'm sure it would grow in any ol' kinda dirt, but organic soil makes things gorgeous, and beautiful and makes things taste like sweet, sweet honey, or the finest dessert you've had........... minus the calories.

Pure

love

is

HOT!!

~

WHATEVER YOU DO......

You need Courage!

Whatever course

you decide upon

there is always

someone

to tell you

you

are

wrong.

There are

always

difficulties

arising

that

tempt

you

to believe

your

critics

are

right.

ALWAYS

ALWAYS

STAY

TRUE

TO

WHO

YOU

ARE

AND WHAT

MOVES

YOU

SO

PASSIONATELY

IN YOUR

BEAUTIFUL

INDIVIDUAL

LIFE.

AFTER

ALL

IT'S

YOURS

RIGHT?
~

TRUE HAPPINESS

If you want to be happy
find something
you love
doing
so much
that you would
do it
for
FREE!

Then,
do it
so well
that people
will pay you
to
do it
for them!

MY SWEET ROSE

Today is the birthday of my sweet Gramma Rose. ( she is to the left )

I can literally write volumes on this woman.

She is the one who has molded me, spiritually, and to me, was the living embodiment of a Saint.

She reminded me of St. Francis as a child, and still, everyday, I think of her and see why I clung to her, and I mean literally, clung to her.

I spent every summer in NY with her. My family was back in Jersey, and even though I probably should have felt bad leaving my brothers, sister, and mom, I was sad for maybe a minute or two, and then reveled in my 2 hour drive, "Over the Tapanzee River and through the woods, to Grandmothers house we go".

Actually, my days now, now that I think of it, are exactly how we would spend out time together.

I know I blogged about her and some of these stories before, but because it is her birthday, and I am smiling from ear to ear thinking of her, I will write some of my simple highlights of being with her.

I had my own room across from hers. She would come in and try to wake me up.......... saying my name so gentle and sweet. I pretended to be asleep so I could hear her voice..... she would pull down the covers and put soft music on my little clock radio....... go over, open the window, pull the shades and sing while she was doing it.

She would leave and I would get up to the smell of toast and coffee. She let me drink coffee. Sanka with non dairy creamer. I loved it.

She had corn flakes and a cut up banana on the table, rye toast with homemade orange marmalade, a cup of skim milk, orange juice, and always a little note under my coffee cup that said things like, "You are my special angel", or "You are God's angel, or Just "Good Morning, I love you!"

She never threw anything away, so when breakfast was over, she would show me where to throw the garbage away. Any food related items would go in the box for either the earth worms, for fishing, and the bread crumbs would always, always go in the box for the birds.

Usually she would water the lawn before I got up, so by the time I was done with my breakfast, the driveway still had water puddles and the birds were waiting, yes, waiting, because they new that Gramma was going to throw tons of bread out there for them.

I'd run out to the driveway, sprinkle the bread, and run back to the porch to watch the momma birds dip the bread in the puddles and feed it to their young.

This sounds so simple, but I tell you, it is one of my most favorite things to do, now, everyday,along with bird seed along all of my railings........ to watch these beautiful creatures in their territory, and how they do respond to us, when we are awake to see it.

We had a hammock in the back and we would lay there in the afternoon together, and she would mimik the birds call. Soon enough, she would hear the bird respond, and then she would do it again, and they had this communion thing going on, and I just thought that was the best darn thing I had ever seen, or heard.

Funny, I was on my walk yesterday, and I heard a specific call from a bird and I was curious to see what kind of bird it was. I whistled the same tune to see if the bird would respond and it did, and we played that very same game. It lasted for ten minutes yesterday, and I literally was in awe, and thought of my Rosie girl. Oh, and yesterday it was a cardinal. I know the call now. How unbelievably cool.......... honestly.

We would put up the clothes that she washed on the line. It was an old fashioned wheel that revolved with a clothes line on it. I can hear it squeaking now. The smell of fresh linens take me right back.

I never minded doing any kind of chores that she showed me how to do because she made it fun, and it was always, always, some sort of spiritual happening, no matter what we were doing. There was always an element to anything we did, that had a spark of the divine in it. Cooking, cleaning, going for 5 mile walks to the grocery store, and then taking a cab back, feeding the animals, or even sitting in a room quiet together.

She showed me how to type on her old, old typewriter, and when she watched the news, I would type her little love letters, thanking her for showing me how to be kind to nature and animals and people. Really........this blows me away as I write, because she did some heavy planting of some seeds, in me.....so much that this is who I have become........and............ I love it!!!

She was an amazing soul, and never had a bad word to say about any one person.

I see her now, as I would peek in her room early in the morning when I would get up to go pee......

6am sharp, she was in her rocking chair in her room, quiet, with her Rosary beads and her little bible......writing little notes of wisdom, and things that she needed or wanted to abide by. She would put those notes on her dresser afterward, and the next day a new one would emerge.

To be able to see that beautiful woman, sitting in that chair, rocking gently, and knowing how much she loved that ritual, has been a concrete image in my soul, and it is the most endearing, most heart felt experience, and I am grateful to have had such amazingly deep experiences as a child, and ........... to have had them carried over into my every day existence, to be and feel whole, in myself, by myself, with nothing to hold onto, but love.........inside.

Thank you so much Gramma...........for you, for your teachings, and for giving me the most sacred part of my life!

You are loved,

Now, and forever.

Happy Birthday!

Love,
Joni

THE YOUNG AND THE OLD

I was thinking today, WHAT REALLY MAKES ME HAPPY? What really makes me bubble up with excitement, feel pure, and extremely real in my skin??

Well, there are a lot of things, but when I narrowed it down, there was one main vein that ran through each different thing I chose.

Giving!

I was walking today, for several hours, and man, all I have to say is THANK GOD FOR MY ALONE TIME, my walks,and my communion with nature.

It was bugging me, especially today, for some reason, that I haven't narrowed down what it is that I am supposed to be doing here.

I have many passions, but you know, we can't be everywhere doing all, ya know what I mean?

I thought of many of my clients that come to see me on a regular basis. The old and the young.

It delights me like no other to take either or, 90 year old woman, or 4 year old boy.

The boy, well, I know his exact favorite gelato, or his favorite TV show, or food, or even for the fact that he tells me his "little secrets" about his little life.

Really, I kid you not. I give him little quizzes to go home and try to be better at one thing or the other. Stuff he wants to get better at. We have our own little private "agreements", and when he shows up, it is this unspoken language, one that a little soul knows that someone cares enough to remember his little passions,and knows too, that it is just as important as anything, or anyone else, no matter who or what I seem to be, in his, or anyone's life, for that matter.

As is, my elder clients.

These people are the ones that make my days worthwhile.

My litte darling of a friend who is nearing 90, comes in, several times a week, and looks for me, as I do her, when she doesn't come in after a day or two. I worry about her,thinking she has fallen, or hurt her hip again, and then she shows up, hair done, lipstick on, dressed to the 9's, and smiling ear to ear when I greet her with a hug, or come up from behind and grab her arms to do a little two step. She grins so big. I can't tell you how much I love that...........God......I really do. So much fun and so, so innocent!!!!

I don't care! Dining room or not, I twirl her, ever so gently, and dance with her as if no one else were in the room. To see the look on her face is ever so priceless, and it is.............what makes going to work, worthwhile to me!

She is always surprised that I remember her order each time, and that I pour her root beer in a cold beer glass, knowing she hates warm root beer.

Maybe people are so used to..... people........ not listening.

I listen...... and...... I honetsly ..........Care!

So today, I thought, ya know, I always want to mold my life to what is closest to who I am, and what I am about, and to make that choice, with whatever it is, to be as conducive and healthy, to a conscious, loving and giving life, or way, or environment. Any and all of the above.

I know, thus far, there have been tons of changes in my life, this whole entire way, and I always have to look at my choices, and how they are affecting me..... body, mind and soul.

If something seems out of balance, I need to find that link, and find out what it is that I need to change up to make things more aligned to me, the soul, the one that needs to find solace in it's own being.

I realized today, two things that make me extremely happy are being around old people, and children.

Under those two titles comes a plethera of things that I love as well.

It all seems to encompass, giving, in one way or the other,but also, allows me to see the reality of my own life, in which I choose to live, and be, and wish to be around.

That would be innocence.

Natural beauty, that hasn't yet molded an idea of who or what they are. They are just natural acts of beingness, organically, OR who have gone back to, after seeing the vast spectrum of life, and realizing that the innocence they started out with, is, in fact, who they really are! That is after the ideas of, man, woman, marriage, divorce, children, careers, parents, and all of the things that we, along the way, think that we have to identify with, in order to be "someone" or "something" for someone.

The child, does not yet know.

The elder, knows, and quietly sustains all opinions, and is ok with their own private realizations, as they have mastered several badges on courage, in lifetime schooling in the why's, how's, and chess games that have played out decade after decade.

Wrinkles equal good to me. They equal a time span, wisdom, and a time spent in a life that was probably spent wondering, mostly, what the heck it was all about. The whys and a surrendering to the unknown facts or mysteries that more than likely were just as perplexing as the day they flew out of the womb, till the day they were lying on their death bed.

Wrinkles are well deserved, and should be appreciated, not altered. They equal good, to me, at least.

So, even though I mentioned old people, and children, without a doubt, animals are right there. No one is above the other.

I was excited (don't know why I felt so suprised), that these things are of utmost importance to me, and that it is a must that these things be in my life, in one way or the other, hopefully, more, than not, in the daily scheme of things.

To be able to take my own personal "talents" or natural abilities and merge them with the things that make me sparkle, is now a sort of quest.

There is always the balancing act, working out the details, but this is life, discovering who we are, and giving our all to it.

Life is ever changing, and no one's life is going to be like yours. There may be similarites, but when it comes down to the core, YOU ARE YOUR OWN INDIVIDUAL and when you have a good sense of who that individual is, I think it is SHEER BRILLIANCE to cut to the chase, NO MATTER what anyone else is doing, or saying, and get to gettin on your little journey. ONLY YOU know what that journey entails.

There is no degree in Love. In fact, there is no degree to be had in just being who you are, in the midst of a world that is opinion laden, on who you should be, where you should be doing it, and with whom.

Down size!

Figure out what works for YOU!

You!!!

Not anyone else!!!

The "anyone elses" will be there, if they need to be, in your evolution.

See what is good for you, and then welcome anyone or thing, that ACCOMPANIES your wonderful world. Your detailed world that is designed just for you.

It's pretty awesome knowing you are in charge.

It is a feat, mind you. No one is boasting the fact that we actually are in charge.

If they are............ I'll be there, either in the audience, or standing next to them at the podium.

Me?

Giving!

Old, Young, to whomever!

That is what works for me, and keeps me alive!

~

IT'S TOUGH................

.....being a Romantic,

when all sense of

old fashioned~ness

seems

to

have

gone out

with

the tide.

There is such

a glory

in sharing

simple

love,

and

giving

from

an entirely

full

heart,

that has

bloomed

within

itself,

and then

to share

in all of

it's

wholeness

is something

that should

be

stamped

and

molded.

Romance

starts

from

within.

Being

Romantic,

is not

something

you

DO,

BUT

SHARE.

It is

a

pure

extension,

of the

heart

that is

already

full

and whole

on

it's

own.

To then

be able

to

GIVE

OR

SHARE

THAT

IS

a

lovemaking

before it

even

begins!

~

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY MOMMA!

Everyday, there is something I want to show you, or share with you.
Everyday, while I am sitting outside, looking up at the clouds, I wonder just where you are, and if you can see me.

I feel you so much, and sometimes it's even scary how I feel you in the room with me.

It's scary just because it is so different, yet, the love I feel when you are there, is unspeakeable.

At night, when I am cooking dinner, I play "our" music, and sip on some wine, and cannot help but to wish you were there, telling me how much of this and how much of that, a sprinkle of this and a sprinkle of that, teaching me the ways of our heritage, and the love that goes into cooking. The sacredness of food.....God, I can go on and on!

I miss laughing with you, and telling funny stories. I miss eating good food with you, sharing recipes, and talking about food for hours. I miss catching up. I miss sharing my heart with you, and being so raw and naked with my own individual Truths, knowing you didn't agree, yet you allowed me to be me, and me you.

I miss talking about the beyond, life after death, God, and the love we have for giving.

I miss your humbleness.

I miss your stories of courage and how you made it without a husband, bringing up 5 children, working 3 jobs, and listening to how you felt as a young girl, in every aspect, allowing me to realize why you were the way you were, and just listening to a soul tell her tale of what her reality was and how it affected her as a woman. This, especially, in the last few years, was incredibly important for me, as a woman, being your child. ( I promised you a book, and a book you will get).

I miss your no nonsense way, your straight to the point comments, and your conviction behind them.

I miss you telling me how you are eating chicken soup.........AGAIN!

I miss you telling me how irritated you are with Oprah! hahahahha

I miss you singing to me. God, I miss you singing to me!!!

I miss us playing "guess this movie", or guess this movie star.

I miss you writing beautiful letters to me, and even miss seeing how incredibly gorgeous your handwriting was.

I miss your voice, your voice mails, and even the ones that you were irritated that I would never pick up on my days off.

I miss your gutteral laughter when I would make jokes.

I miss you calling me a Simpleton, Joni Bologne, and your "Little Girl".

I miss you saying, "You shoulda been a boy!"

I miss how objective you were with 5 different strong personalities in one household, and how you loved us so incredibly unconditionally,and individual, yet, had a hard time with such boldness, in all of us. I could NEVER EVER HAVE DONE IT!

Momma, I miss your heart, your love, and the warmth of your soul!!!!!

What I can tell you is...... You have made me into a blooming heart, that never seems to grow old.

You have shown me how to love, when love doesn't seem to be there.

You have shown me how to have the utmost courage, in times when I want to quit.

You have shown me how to be compassionate, and not judge.

You have given me a strength that no other person has shown me.

You have taught me how to believe in a Source way beyond our imaginations, and to know that we are always, always, taken care of.

To trust in God, and that if that is there, than I shall never, ever worry!

You taught me that we can be without, AND HAVE EVERYTHING, so long as we are loving, and giving, and honoring!

I can name a million things that I have learned from you, and miss......soooo, sooo much!

I want to bring you dozens and dozens of flowers, and shower you with the love you so deserve.

Just because you are not here, doesn't mean you are forgotten.

By all means...........you are soooooooooo alive, and you sparkle throughout my moments in everyday that goes by.

I am you, at my job.

I feel you, hear you, and remember what you taught me as a child.

Open your door to everyone, and give them food, give them love, and make sure they are warm, and comfortable.

There is a quote that I keep above my sink, and I see it and think of you everyday.

It says, "Always Assume your Guest is Tired, Cold, and Hungry, and Act Accordingly".

That is you!! And that is what you have bestowed upon me.

You have always given the whole of yourself, TO EVERYONE, every last person in your life, and even when you had nothing, YOU STILL GAVE!

There is not much in this life that means that much to me, as to want to nurture and make sure the flame doesn't go out.

This, is the one.

I am sure it won't, as my heart is ablaze with the same love and fervor as yours.

You taught me well Ma.

I have always told you that I would never wait until a birthday, or holiday, to express to you, or anyone, how I feel about them.

I cannot help, though, today, as it is Mothers Day, wishing I were there with you cooking for you, or bringing you flowers, or anything really, anything at all!

God, Ma, I have to be honest........although it is incredibly sad that you are not here, I have to say, that in my days you are so alive here with me, and since we have always lived far away from each other, I feel as if I have sort of been preened, in a sense, to love you in the most organic way, from within, and "use God" as the conduit, for our connection, which pretty much has always been the case.

It is too deep to render it anything but.

I thank you a million times over, for molding me into who I am.

I am forever indebted to you, and bow so graciously, with total gratitude, for everything that you have given to me, inside and out.

I love you more than any word, sentence or poem could ever articulate.

You are here with me,

Now,
and
always!

Thank you, Thank you, for my beautiful life!

I love you so much!!!!

Joni

WE MIGHT AS WELL............

Just stop

struggling

against

our

thoughts

and realize

that honesty

and

humor

are far more

inspiring

and

helpful

than any kind

of

solemn

religious

striving

for

or

against

anything!

~

LIFE...........

Was not meant to have

so many

boundaries.

Lighten up

everyone

It's just

YOUR LIFE

that you are

showing up to

in a big ol'

stuffy

straight jacket.

YOU ARE SAFE............

IN THE ARMS

OF

LOVE!

~

GO WHERE THE SOIL IS ORGANIC.....

AND REAL!

Fake soil doesn't really work for blooming flowers............. as our grounds that we stomp on every day.......... they need to be fertile, and pure, yes, organic, if it is going to feed our soul in any kind of real way, at least enough to make you blossom like real flowers should.

We are all that "bud", that flower that is dying to become a rose.

If we plant that bulb in soil that is just generic, I'm sure it will grow, as it isn't hard for anything to grow, if it really wants to, in some kind of natural foundation, but if we give it the soil it REALLY NEEDS TO GROW, than I think there will be no question at all, as to wether it will grow, and bloom into it's potential gorgeous flower, almost effortlessly.

I think it is important to be where things fit you, inside! Outside as well, but inside is where it counts the most. The outside is kind of a band-aid. It looks good, it feels good, but inside, there still is that rawness, that needs some ointment to make things all better, or plainly, just some fresh air.

Every now and again I think we need to access just where we are at, how it is working, and how it is not! What needs to change, what we need to plan, or sculpt for out next little chapter, long or short.

But don't forget to leave room for the "God's" to send us just what they know we are looking for. If you are too busy plotting and planning, and in fear that if you DON'T PLAN, things will go awry, and your life will fall apart, then you are missing one key element that gets pushed aside way too often........TRUST!

I used to say to a friend a long time ago who used to plot and plan his days, "God forbid you get a flat tire".

He used to plan every moment of his days, and if it didn't go that way, he would get really ticked off.

I like to have a plan, but always, it's always a must, to let it roll off of my shoulders if it doesn't happen for some reason, and go to plan B with no emotion attached, and know, this is life, ever changing and ever growing.......

I do want to leave room for the Universe to do it's magic. I DO BELIEVE IN THOSE MYSTICAL HAPPENINGS, I so do, and really, am more on that side, than the other, which is the planner.

This past year I have become the planner of all planners, probably out of a sheer necessity, and too, it was time I embraced that part of life that is really essential, to some degree, and for me, is whatever percent is absolutely NEEDED. This brain is right sided........ It will bend, but essentially, stay it's freedom lovin' self, and indulge in that absolute glory, no matter how it looks! ( take a breath left brainers), it's like you getting excited over numbers)....... ain't gonna happen over here ;) Jump from an airplane and we'll talk.........

Shoot, where is my compass, or better yet, the stars and moon?

Life is about balance. Doesn't have to be 50 /50 always. Maybe 60/40 or 70/30........ at least if it shows up on a usage sheet that the numbers SOMEWHAT WORK and you can plan off of that sheet, you'll be ok.........at least that is what I am learning.

No matter if it is left brain, right brain, conservative, liberal............ black or white.............

GO WHERE THE SOIL IS ORGANIC. BE IN SURROUNDINGS THAT SUPPORT YOU, NOT GO AGAINST YOU!

Grow and be who you are in the soil that will get you to the highest ground possible, that makes you feel good in every way. You don't have to compromise!!

If it isn't there, check out why, and use that as a gauge for your next endeavor.

ORGANIC. PURE. FULFILLING, AND SATISFYING TO YOUR BELOVED HUNGRY SOUL, that wants to live out it's natural way.

I'm off on that note.

I want to go to sleep in the realization that any and everything is possible. If I don't have a cheerleading squade around, I need to cheerlead for my own life, and make it jump and scream with a joy that IS ORGANIC, whether my goals are fulfilled or not......... as they say, "It's not so much the destination, but the journey along the way".

I'm all over that.

I love you all, and thank you for supporting me, my writing, and answering in all of your raw moments, and being just as human, and open, and willing to be in the FLOW OF LIFE with me.

Everything is cyclical.

Thank you for being a part of my life!

Love,
as always,
Gabriela

WHERE THE MIND WILL TAKE YOU

I am dumbfounded at the extent in which the human psyche can take someone...
just in order for them to feel better about themselves.
At the same time, there is an odd understanding at how someone might choose such extremes.

Today, I witnessed the total extreme of where the mind can take you~
good enough, where someone will believe their own story~
good enough, so that they will be OK, with what they are NOT!

A myriad of emotions soared through me today.

Many realizations occured and my body took on sensations that were so highly charged with past memory that I could hardly stand to be witness to it.

To be able to sit in a room, and not be able to speak, and only listen, to someone else's reality of YOUR life, and have it be so grossly fabricated, can seriously altar your view and your trust in life, and people.

In the midst of it all, to be able to find some kind of center, and sort of wink in the knowing that Truth is who we are, and the heart never wavers, is pretty amazing,but those feelings can pass in a matter of seconds!

I have always had an intrigue and a passion for " Why We Tick", why we do the things we do.
It is so utterly fascinating to me, but when it involves you, in one way or the other, the objectivity lessens, and there you sit, like a child, in the first grade, wondering how we will ever learn to write such big letters as A and Z.

Learning to understand people, and their ways and allowing them to just "be", without it affecting you, is some great, great stuff!

After all, doesn't EVERYTHING effect us one way or the other, or really........ really and truly, have we evolved that much where we can say, No, you know what? Today, that very thing didn't effect me, and on I go.

I will have to say for myself, that it is an ebb and flow. I pat myself on the back more so now than ever.

Things will be as they will be, and it really is up to me how to react, or not react, or just apply the little things that I have learned along the way to just beat the whole typical mindset.

I'ts pretty awesome to feel that organically, and know that you have overcome, or hurdled over something for your evolution.

Actually, what a damn turn on!!!!

Today was that!

I'm not a warrior, just someone who wants to see peace, amidst the muck, and give justice, where justice is due.

Doesn't mean it is easy, but what else are we going to do in all of our "spare" time?

PURITY AND TENDERNESS........

.......Is a luxury,

and

a

rarety!

Like fishing

for

gold.

DEPTH!

Another

luxury

different pond.

I go "swimming"

a lot.

The deeper I go

the

more

I

float!

I don't want

to

expect

but to

partake

in

a genuine

way

where

things

are

organic

and

without

question!

~