than receiving.........
I don't know why it is that when I am doing what I love to do, which is giving, in one way or the other, that I find it so darn difficult to simply take some of those same things, but receive them, instead of giving it out??
It does perplex me, and I am sure there is some psychological reasoning behind it. Isn't there always?
It's got to be named some sort of syndrome. Guaranteed!
Why is that? I mean even a simple card, or compliment, or anything simple and sweet that someone would do, is so hard to accept sometimes. Like the other day when two friends of mine, one from California and one from Fredricksberg came in with a bundle of goodies for me. I could barely stand it. I was so thankful and appreciative!
So, when there is something pretty big, that someone wants to do, it is completely overwhelming and I find myself standing frozen, as if I don't know what to do.
Seriously, there is a whole body language thing that happens, a mind set, and many other things to boot.
Oh yes, I do my little........hmmmmmmm where did that come from? Why is my body feeling this way, or that way, and why am I hot or slightly chilled all of a sudden......... there are a bunch of things that I ask myself, just out of a natural awareness, and too, instinctively, I know it has to do with many other things, and they all work together somehow to make up a fact of some sort, about me, or about the human psyche, or the inner realms.........like I said, they all work together and it fascinates me how they all play a part together to make up a certain type of personality, and why all of that was formed to begin with. I know it is as simple as, someone did something nice, but hay I can't help but to think in all of those other ways as well. It's just part of me.
I recently have been emailing a friend of mine everyday. We have been conjuring up ideas for something, but in the context of our emails,I have found it so difficult to grasp what she has to say about me, in her objective way. I mean it is all wonderful, let me tell you...........I am baffled. Not because I don't think well of myself, I do like myself, but I know she is not a person to blow smoke up my ashtray, so when she says something it is pretty sincere, and black and white.
The last two days have been extremely humbling for me, and especially the context of our conversations......... I have had to take a step back and look at myself objectively, and do one of those...........hay, you ain't so bad check in's, ya know what I mean?
I think a lot of times we run around like robots and we don't see ourselves as cleary as others do, and when we hear of how people perceive us, it is always interesting, and if it is anything super positive I think, unfortunately, we stop a bit longer to see if we can actually see that point of view just as easily as they do.
I really adore this person. Not because she thinks I am a nice person, but because two souls acknowledge goodness, and purity of heart, and a willingness to always see Truth above all of our muck.
There is a support system there, and even though we don't see each other, at all, really, there is a strong connection of some kindred souls, on their own journeys, and it is without a doubt, known, that in ANY INSTANCE we would do anything for each other, even if those exact words were never spoken. It is just a given.
I have had to digest some things in our conversations that were potent, yet light and sweet.
With my work, and the lack of time I have, it is so hard to find moments, without doing, doing, doing, and to actually sit and contemplate the ins and outs of my life and to be THAT objective.
Don't get me wrong, you all know, from my blogs, what I do. I do make time for walks, being along, and yes, being alone........... ( Did I say, being alone? ) haha
That equals good.
So, god forbid anything new and different comes into my life........ phew........I guess I will cross that bridge when it comes.
I am extremely grateful for learning, more and more, how to accept love as freely as I can give it. It isn't an easy thing for me. It is much easier for me to be the giver.
I am blessed to have good people in my life, seen, or unseen. The ones unseen, more than likely have no idea how much they have impacted my life. They too, are the givers.
Thank you to all of you who show me more aspects of myself, by being yourself, and for loving me as the person I am.
All my love,
Gabriela
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