This morning I woke up and couldn't lift my head off of my pillow again.
I did something to my back and neck the other day working out and I could barely move it yesterday.
I noticed during work that I kept focusing on it because I was in so much pain, but also, didn't want my compadres jerking me around like they do, tugging, pulling and goofing off with me. ( It is pretty funny and I do love it), but I was in so much pain, I had to forewarn everyone not to grab onto me too much.
Anyway, I walked around so stiff and what not....... that was that....... that was the thought pattern.
I came home and couldn't wait to put a heating pad on. I did and went to bed.
So, I woke up, and the first thing I thought was.......UUUhhhhh, it hurts, and almost immediately, I found myself sitting up anyway, and felt my consciousness change in an instant flat. I wandered away from the body in the most phenomenal way, like it used to be on a regular basis when I would meditate for hours upon hours. I would be able to witness so much more about the body, how it is, how it works, and....how to separate myself from it, and just be objective in thought about it and not necessarily become whatever it was that was ailing me.
So, I sat up, looked out onto the water, looked at my dogs, and felt the most amazing feeling of not being in this body. I witnessed my surroundings as being so temporary, witnessed this body as being so intricate, so alive with an energy that I haven't even tapped into fully in 44 years, and that today was a brand, spankin new day to make myself even more alive, in something that is right here, right now, inside, bursting to tell me more of who I am.
I went downstairs to brew my cup of sacredness, yes, my hafta have cup of coffee, did the spin cycle in my house with maneuvering the dogs from room to room, deck to outdoors, and literally am still, finding myself so elated at what had occurred upon rising.
I took my coffee out to the front yard where I faithfully sit with Bello and Surrender, the two who can now be together, but not in the same room with the other dogs.
It's actually nice because they don't all vie for my attention all at once. I think we all like the private attention, with, and for each other.
I usually do a scan of the whole yard. Usually during the week my little sock snatcher, (Surrender), finds my fuzzy socks, or my bicycle socks and hides them, and then I find them in the most precarious places, like on my Agave cactus, or on St. Frances in the garden. That was actually a great one, I shoulda taken a picture then. God, I just heard my mom laughing at that. How funny! I love you mom.
So, I am out there scoping the yard, and I found 3 socks, starting laughing, with my heating pad wrapped around my neck, my silly outfit of long shorts, a tank, and funny colored fuzzy socks with my garden crocks on. I love it. No one to impress but me, and I could care less. How relieving!
I sat in my little bench under the tree, and felt my neck move with such ease, after only an hour after waking.
I looked up and saw these thick oak branches, the curvature in the bark, the colors, the leaves, and it brought me right back to when I was a kid. We had almost the same tree in the back yard. I climbed that baby everyday. Had climbing contests with my brother, it was first base, on our "baseball field" forever, it was my hideout when things got crazy in our house, it was my dreaming spot, my test of strength spot. My brother and I would see who could do the most pull ups on this one branch. I'm pretty sure I lost, but I always gave them a good run for their money.
I went into that daze and wow, is all I have to say. I sprung up, put my coffee on the stoop, and hauled butt up that tree like I was 7 again. I was cracking up, and too, reveling in the feeling of not giving into THOUGHT! Neck shmeck! Who's neck hurts? Not mine.......and..that wasn't even a thought. That is my thought now, as I sit here, with no heating pad, a very flexible neck, and a joy that I can hardly contain.
I climbed that tree all the way up. I felt those branches like they were my own limbs. I checked out life from a birds view. I remembered our house on Concord Avenue, and remembering little me, who is exactly the same now, as she was then.
It's all cyclical.
We inevitably come back to ourselves.
We have so many opportunities to remain true to who we are, inside and out, amongst all of the crap, life's misfortunes, shortcomings, our own tiring thoughts of who we think we are and what we are supposed to be doing.
It truly takes the pressure off if we can just be who we are, in each tiny moment, fully alive in exactly where we are, with all of the good, or not so good situations, and embrace them all and go out there damn it, and enjoy your life.
Things always change, don't worry. That is the beauty in the current of life. You don't even have to do anything. Life will allow change, when it is time to change. You just be ready for it at any given time, and don't hold onto anything. Let go of the railing. Let go of the banks on the river as you are floating through life. Take a little risk and let the enormity of who you really are emerge and take over the reigns a bit.
No one said "This beautiful life is about CONTROL".
This life to me is about flowing, allowance to be, and to enjoy what natural given beauty we have before us. Anything after that is your interpretation of how YOU think it should be.
So, if you are in something you don't care to be, YOU CAN.........GET YOURSELF OUT.
If you are unhappy............YOU CAN GET YOURSELF OUT!
In my little life's experiences, it takes so much effort to retrain your thoughts and mold them into something so simple........even as to remind yourself that you are not who you think you are.
I sat in therapy last year watching my therapist almost heart broken that I had this one particular thought about myself. I sat there, still, in total belief about this thought that I believed to be so true, and it has been with me since I was 4. I allowed it to cling to me, and still, every now and again it rears it's ugly head, but I think since that day, watching my therapists face, and how sad she was, for me, even understanding the psychological reasons........... it had blown up how terribly sad IT REALLY IS for all of our false beliefs to linger on with us, and for us to so robotically take them on, as something that we think is real, when honestly, none of it is true. Not one stinkin' bit!
We are beautiful little souls who have been blessed to have some time on this incredible planet. To enjoy each other, to find beauty in all people, all environments, and to make all of it sacred. To choose love over our thoughts, and to embrace all that we cannot change, and to make good out of it anyway.
Our thoughts do shape our every moments.
Last week I said "I can't do this or can't do that because..................and the list went on.
Today, I'm buying the paint for my workout room, and not only that, I am designing another house that will reek of me, doing all of the design I love, the eclectic furniture, the lamps, the light switch covers, the very detail that I love in designing............ gardens, you name it. I'm making the list of things that I continually tell myself, "Well, not now, but maybe when................
My list looks amazing right now. Not unachievable at all.
Switch the mode upstairs. Be gentle with yourself, and know, that ANYTHING, ANYTHING, ANYTHING, IS POSSIBLE.................retrain. Re introduce yourself, to...........yourself.
Greet yourself at the door today, with open arms, a forgiveness for what pokes at you inside, a compassion that will allow you to laugh a bit more, relax a little, and not have so many expectations of yourself.
Take a breath!
Life is sooooooooooooooo grand.
Color your world. Make it pretty. Make it exactly what you want, and in the meantime.............see all of the simple things that really could make your day in seconds. It really does outweigh all of the stuff that you think is so darn important.
Go do something today that you thought you couldn't.
I am.
I want a dark brown room. heee
And my room..............mysterious red!
I'm so excited!!
Have an awesome day everyone.
Love to you,
Gabriela
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Friday, October 15, 2010
A DEEPER PART OF ME
I have known a lot of you for many, many years, and some just briefly, yet time doesn't seem to determine the whys and how's of our connections.
I have so many incredible relationships, that have been nurtured over the years, whether it is serving you your cappuccino every morning and sharing pieces of our lives, or by greeting you at the door of the restaurant, seating you and feeding you, getting to know you and your families, and all of your hearts.
Time and time again, I see you, and more pieces to the "puzzle" fit together, and therein forms something so lovely and precious to me.
Many of you have worked your way into my heart, for so many different reasons, and although my time with you is merely spent in fragments, it is whole, to me, in those moments.
I share my personal self through my blog, which I started simply to discipline myself to continue writing everyday, so that come time for my books to surface, I wouldn't have been sitting too dormant, or felt dry in the waiting process, or, at a loss for any kind of expression, which quite honestly, only happens every so often.
In those moments, it is usually when I am on the receiving end, which doesn't come as easily for me, as being the giver.
Take the giver away and words become few.
How funny that is huh?
Only then, do I really get to see and feel all aspects of what it is like to be a giver, because when receiving from such a perspective, it really blows up the reality of how great love can be~ in all of it's genuiness, to witness giving without wanting, and to revel in the joy of someone else's happiness.
Experiencing both ends, to me, are a complete and total phenomenon, when felt in it's entirety.
My daily life at work is 100% social. It's non stop moving, multi-tasking and doing, doing, doing. It's high energy, which I love, loud and noisy, and chaotic. Sorta brings me back to when I was a kid, no lie!
(you can run but you can never, ever hide haha).
It is a great social, outgoing life and I like it in that respect because I am not a down town girl. I don't go out all the time, if at all, to that kind of stuff. Dinners out are rare, since I work at a restaurant, and work mostly nights.
I am so grateful to have met all of the amazing people I know, via this medium.
I do find it incredibly important that when I do leave there, I come home and revel in the beauty of no noise, not one iota of a sound. It's usually dark, stars full on, and the moon in all of it's glory ,showing itself off to me. My animals waiting with tongues out, for me to play, and hug and kiss and talk to them, like they so love.
It is another side of me, the most important one !The quiet, secluded, subdued, and introspective life that I am so in love with more than words can express.
I don't think that if on my time off, I didn't make that a priority, there would be any way for me to possibly share that aspect of myself, with you, while doing the multi-tasking, amongst the noise, and the craziness that can happen with people or just the restaurant business in and of itself.
I always say, I am going to do this and do that on my days off~ visit this one or that one, and when I finally settle into my nest, realize the amount of time I have to balance home life, animals, bills, exercise and pure lay down, rest, quiet time~ I find myself scheduling my own rest, my own private day, so I won't miss out on laying low. It is a really odd thing, how that all transpires.
I have come out a bit. Saying yes to certain events, and things, that will keep me social in a different kind of atmosphere, but, not much.
The grandeur of my time alone, and with my babies, and in nature, and reading, and meditating has captured my heart like nothing other. When I weigh it all out, I just hate to give up my private time. I think, "God, now I have a whole other week to wait for a day off to do what I want, and not be rushed". OMG, it's the rat on the wheel........get a gun.......hurry!!!! Ugh!
Being alone is like my drug of choice these days. It is so consistently rewarding.
Nature too, never fails my heart, and it continuously surprises me in all of it's mystery.
I woke up with a million things to do and thought, let me have my coffee out on the deck, say good morning to my little feathered friends, and get cozy inside before the rat race begins.
The phone calls, the bills, the lawyers, the paper work, you know, the Ahhhhhhhhh, I don't wanna do this crap....kinda stuff.
If I start my day out right, then the rest of what my day brings will be water off a ducks back, I won't have an edge, or be stressed, it'll just be one foot in front of the other, doing what needs to happen and I can whistle instead of stressing.
Amazing, what a tiny segment of time to get clear and centered can do for the rest of your day, your month, your year....................YOUR LIFE!
This is my personal commitment!
I came upstairs, sat in my usual chair, where I can see nothing but birds, the lake the trees, and really, I am surrounded with nothing but nature. It is outside of my bedroom on a huge deck that reeks of peace. I am so grateful to have such a view, such access to water, as I am the Scorpion of the Zodiac.
I love watching the sailboats.God, they are a peace personified, just watching them! I think of a new friend I have now, who charters her own sail boat, and is on it as much as she can, so it seems, and has a natural passion for the water and sailing. Just watching, I can see how someone would fall so in love with being out there more, than on land. Again, the forces of nature, prevail.
The white caps fold into each other, the rays of sun beat onto my skin, and the kisses of the new autumn air caress my face, and man, I tell you, I honestly don't know how I get the gumption to leave here everyday to go to an enclosed building full of noise and people. It truly baffles me!!!
I brought myself a plate of fresh fruit, some warm Brie Cheese, and a pitcher of some fresh mint tea that had been steeping all morning long.
On went my headset, and off I went to Chopin land, where I disappear in a matter of seconds.
I thought to myself, again, time is fleeting........ I observe it constantly, and am perplexed at the minute amount of possibilities that there are to devote yourself to this kind of living, if you are not inherently rich, or have won the lottery, or have found yourself a sugar momma, or poppa, all in which I am no more attracted to than the man on the moon. ( although he and I would have some amazing conversation, I could promise you that!)
I also thought of how I have wanted to spend time with the people I care about, but in a way that is not so work ish. To actually BE WITH YOU ALL, in a way that was great, and maybe let you a little bit closer to the real me that you question, but never really quite get the answer, because talking about who you are and why you are here, over serving you Gnocchi al Sugo, quite honestly, just isn't gonna happen.
It has, in fragments, but leaves people constantly questioning things that I would plainly just love to plop myself down to talk about, but........ work is work, and I am grateful for the little time I get with all of you, as broken up as it is.
So....... I came up with something that I wanted to do. Something from me, to you.
I thought I would invite you to come on a little outing with me.
A different kind of Saturday, than your usual, and joining me in, what I would call a perfect day.
If you cannot live without your cell phone for a few hours, you might want to just say, "Thanks, but no thanks.....uh......maybe next time........or ........... just not at all!
It's sort of a surprise, and........a gift, at the same time.
More than likely, if you are not in the restaurant business, you will have a Saturday off. Me, on the other hand, will have to request a Saturday off, maybe in the first week of November, the second week, the latest, so we can still get some nice weather in.
You can either eat before you come,or bring some snacks. You'll need a back pack, water, hiking boots, or sneakers, whichever you prefer, jeans, T-shirt, or light jacket, (it'll be November so....) and if you would like to bring binoculars and or a camera that will be fine, and maybe a towel.
That should really be it.
I will email you and let you know what Saturday in early November, and hopefully you can make it, and spend some time with me outside of work enjoying more of the real side.
I love all of you, and am so honored to be a part of your lives and wish I could be the Jeanie in the bottle, granting all wishes to come true, or Bewitched, twinkling my nose to get you all what you want and so deserve, inside and out.
What I can do is give you what gifts I have, and sort of wrap them up, Gabriela style, and hand them to you, in all sorts of different "wrap", and allow you to unravel the surprises that I have hand picked for you.
Whoever wants in............. you have my email......give me a heads up.
I will let you know what day I am planning, so start searching your calendar for early November, on a Saturday............
Surprises are fun!
Mystery is grand!
I love you all like crazy!
Thank you for being in my life.
If it weren't for you, all of life's currents, would feel like gigantic waves.
I appreciate you more than you know.
~
I have so many incredible relationships, that have been nurtured over the years, whether it is serving you your cappuccino every morning and sharing pieces of our lives, or by greeting you at the door of the restaurant, seating you and feeding you, getting to know you and your families, and all of your hearts.
Time and time again, I see you, and more pieces to the "puzzle" fit together, and therein forms something so lovely and precious to me.
Many of you have worked your way into my heart, for so many different reasons, and although my time with you is merely spent in fragments, it is whole, to me, in those moments.
I share my personal self through my blog, which I started simply to discipline myself to continue writing everyday, so that come time for my books to surface, I wouldn't have been sitting too dormant, or felt dry in the waiting process, or, at a loss for any kind of expression, which quite honestly, only happens every so often.
In those moments, it is usually when I am on the receiving end, which doesn't come as easily for me, as being the giver.
Take the giver away and words become few.
How funny that is huh?
Only then, do I really get to see and feel all aspects of what it is like to be a giver, because when receiving from such a perspective, it really blows up the reality of how great love can be~ in all of it's genuiness, to witness giving without wanting, and to revel in the joy of someone else's happiness.
Experiencing both ends, to me, are a complete and total phenomenon, when felt in it's entirety.
My daily life at work is 100% social. It's non stop moving, multi-tasking and doing, doing, doing. It's high energy, which I love, loud and noisy, and chaotic. Sorta brings me back to when I was a kid, no lie!
(you can run but you can never, ever hide haha).
It is a great social, outgoing life and I like it in that respect because I am not a down town girl. I don't go out all the time, if at all, to that kind of stuff. Dinners out are rare, since I work at a restaurant, and work mostly nights.
I am so grateful to have met all of the amazing people I know, via this medium.
I do find it incredibly important that when I do leave there, I come home and revel in the beauty of no noise, not one iota of a sound. It's usually dark, stars full on, and the moon in all of it's glory ,showing itself off to me. My animals waiting with tongues out, for me to play, and hug and kiss and talk to them, like they so love.
It is another side of me, the most important one !The quiet, secluded, subdued, and introspective life that I am so in love with more than words can express.
I don't think that if on my time off, I didn't make that a priority, there would be any way for me to possibly share that aspect of myself, with you, while doing the multi-tasking, amongst the noise, and the craziness that can happen with people or just the restaurant business in and of itself.
I always say, I am going to do this and do that on my days off~ visit this one or that one, and when I finally settle into my nest, realize the amount of time I have to balance home life, animals, bills, exercise and pure lay down, rest, quiet time~ I find myself scheduling my own rest, my own private day, so I won't miss out on laying low. It is a really odd thing, how that all transpires.
I have come out a bit. Saying yes to certain events, and things, that will keep me social in a different kind of atmosphere, but, not much.
The grandeur of my time alone, and with my babies, and in nature, and reading, and meditating has captured my heart like nothing other. When I weigh it all out, I just hate to give up my private time. I think, "God, now I have a whole other week to wait for a day off to do what I want, and not be rushed". OMG, it's the rat on the wheel........get a gun.......hurry!!!! Ugh!
Being alone is like my drug of choice these days. It is so consistently rewarding.
Nature too, never fails my heart, and it continuously surprises me in all of it's mystery.
I woke up with a million things to do and thought, let me have my coffee out on the deck, say good morning to my little feathered friends, and get cozy inside before the rat race begins.
The phone calls, the bills, the lawyers, the paper work, you know, the Ahhhhhhhhh, I don't wanna do this crap....kinda stuff.
If I start my day out right, then the rest of what my day brings will be water off a ducks back, I won't have an edge, or be stressed, it'll just be one foot in front of the other, doing what needs to happen and I can whistle instead of stressing.
Amazing, what a tiny segment of time to get clear and centered can do for the rest of your day, your month, your year....................YOUR LIFE!
This is my personal commitment!
I came upstairs, sat in my usual chair, where I can see nothing but birds, the lake the trees, and really, I am surrounded with nothing but nature. It is outside of my bedroom on a huge deck that reeks of peace. I am so grateful to have such a view, such access to water, as I am the Scorpion of the Zodiac.
I love watching the sailboats.God, they are a peace personified, just watching them! I think of a new friend I have now, who charters her own sail boat, and is on it as much as she can, so it seems, and has a natural passion for the water and sailing. Just watching, I can see how someone would fall so in love with being out there more, than on land. Again, the forces of nature, prevail.
The white caps fold into each other, the rays of sun beat onto my skin, and the kisses of the new autumn air caress my face, and man, I tell you, I honestly don't know how I get the gumption to leave here everyday to go to an enclosed building full of noise and people. It truly baffles me!!!
I brought myself a plate of fresh fruit, some warm Brie Cheese, and a pitcher of some fresh mint tea that had been steeping all morning long.
On went my headset, and off I went to Chopin land, where I disappear in a matter of seconds.
I thought to myself, again, time is fleeting........ I observe it constantly, and am perplexed at the minute amount of possibilities that there are to devote yourself to this kind of living, if you are not inherently rich, or have won the lottery, or have found yourself a sugar momma, or poppa, all in which I am no more attracted to than the man on the moon. ( although he and I would have some amazing conversation, I could promise you that!)
I also thought of how I have wanted to spend time with the people I care about, but in a way that is not so work ish. To actually BE WITH YOU ALL, in a way that was great, and maybe let you a little bit closer to the real me that you question, but never really quite get the answer, because talking about who you are and why you are here, over serving you Gnocchi al Sugo, quite honestly, just isn't gonna happen.
It has, in fragments, but leaves people constantly questioning things that I would plainly just love to plop myself down to talk about, but........ work is work, and I am grateful for the little time I get with all of you, as broken up as it is.
So....... I came up with something that I wanted to do. Something from me, to you.
I thought I would invite you to come on a little outing with me.
A different kind of Saturday, than your usual, and joining me in, what I would call a perfect day.
If you cannot live without your cell phone for a few hours, you might want to just say, "Thanks, but no thanks.....uh......maybe next time........or ........... just not at all!
It's sort of a surprise, and........a gift, at the same time.
More than likely, if you are not in the restaurant business, you will have a Saturday off. Me, on the other hand, will have to request a Saturday off, maybe in the first week of November, the second week, the latest, so we can still get some nice weather in.
You can either eat before you come,or bring some snacks. You'll need a back pack, water, hiking boots, or sneakers, whichever you prefer, jeans, T-shirt, or light jacket, (it'll be November so....) and if you would like to bring binoculars and or a camera that will be fine, and maybe a towel.
That should really be it.
I will email you and let you know what Saturday in early November, and hopefully you can make it, and spend some time with me outside of work enjoying more of the real side.
I love all of you, and am so honored to be a part of your lives and wish I could be the Jeanie in the bottle, granting all wishes to come true, or Bewitched, twinkling my nose to get you all what you want and so deserve, inside and out.
What I can do is give you what gifts I have, and sort of wrap them up, Gabriela style, and hand them to you, in all sorts of different "wrap", and allow you to unravel the surprises that I have hand picked for you.
Whoever wants in............. you have my email......give me a heads up.
I will let you know what day I am planning, so start searching your calendar for early November, on a Saturday............
Surprises are fun!
Mystery is grand!
I love you all like crazy!
Thank you for being in my life.
If it weren't for you, all of life's currents, would feel like gigantic waves.
I appreciate you more than you know.
~
Monday, October 11, 2010
WOW IT'S BEEN AWHILE
It seems as if it has been so long since I have actually written, with some time to actually think, outside of working 24/7, running the dogs, jumping over obstacle courses, so it seems, in my house, as I am still separating all of the dogs from the recent pack fight.
It has been probably 2 months since that fight and just today, I was washing off the porch, and found my bracelet that I had on that day, while in the midst of trying to brake the fight up between 4 dogs, and saw it hanging off of the railing, and it was bent to hell. I looked at it as if it were a car that was totalled in a wreck.
That day was so traumatizing for me, and for all of the dogs, and seeing that bracelet today, really kept me in check in so far as making change happen, whether you feel like it or not. Get out of your comfort zone.That last pack fight changed my life, and inside, there are a million stories that are being told to me, in how to use what I have in my life as guideposts, to not only better myself, but to make change happen, on a whole,even if it seems as if it is just for me.
My days are fuller than full.
I had a 10 day vacation and I promised myself I would just regroup from the year that has brought me so many lessons and challenges, take all that I have learned, and stand really, really tall, and map out what I want to do, feel like, look like and go for!
I wanted to test my strength, outwardly, as much as I know I have inwardly. I needed to vent some energy and wanted to do it constructively.
I had 10 days to mold myself into what I wanted, with no distractions.
I meditated, I read, I spent my mornings out on the deck, writing till I felt like it, fed the birds, went running with every dog, worked out everyday, rode my bike, went hiking, sat in silence for long, long periods, which is one thing I miss incredibly, made healthy, great food, spent major time in nature, and caught up on some things that have been sitting dormant since I left my old life, and began a new.
It was not a surprise when I gave myself, the "plan" that I would give to someone else who was looking to feel at their optimum, and to also, look their optimum.
If I want results, things can tend to be very strict, but to tell you the truth, it all weighs out. It may be strict, but the feeling you get while doing it is just amazingly contagious!
I could not wait to run the dogs, could not wait to train with weights, could not wait to make the next good healthy meal that made me feel AMAZING, and........... couldn't wait till morning came, to rub on my dogs, who need a ton of individual love, to wrap my covers around them, stare outside of the doors to my deck from the bedroom, to look at the sunrise, then fall back to sleep. To look in their eyes, and to witness so much that would take lifetimes to write about, and to just melt in that, knowing that I didn't have to be anywhere, at any time, and to just come back to the natural state that feels so real to me, so good, so innocent, and true.
To be honest, my regular days are like that, but it is condensed into a very specific time frame. I have it nailed down to a science at this point, but it is OK. It's good for me. It's focused and no time spent in my day is haphazard. It is all good, loving and giving back in some way. That feels good to me. I just wish for more of that focused time, outside of work.
I am not interested in relationship at all, and haven't been for a very long time. It has become something so secondary that if I were to deem it something it would be so last on the list of priorities. Almost so that I question my whereabouts with it all.
Kinda been there, done that, and yes, some things are great about it, but overall, the life I lead now, is so much more fulfilling and INTERESTING, than that of doing the whole dance of being with someone.
My quiet life is my drug of choice.
I don't care if no one gets it. I GET IT, AND IT APPEALS TO ME~ THE PERSON LIVING MY LIFE!
There isn't one person I know that says your time alone is good. More, it is not healthy, you need to get out, you need to date, you need to this and that.
I think I need to tell a story or two.
I AM NOT MISSING OUT MY FRIENDS!
Gabriela is not going to melt being alone. Gabriela loveeeeeeeeeeeeees being alone, and that is no joke.
Now if you take away my social life at work, things might change a bit, so don't get me wrong, I love people, love interaction, smart, intelligent, and worthwhile conversation.( A little bit of sarcastic Italian humor wouldn't hurt much either) ;)
Life is happening fast, and if I don't keep up on myself, and my interactions with people, and family, it will seem like one big huge tornado that swooped in and took me by surprise, when really, there should have been no surprise at all!
I have homework to do, all the time!! Mending, healing, celebrating, remembering, and making time for people that are in your life for a reason.
I am no where near perfect, nor do I want to be, but one thing I do know about myself, is that I want to make good where things may seem not so good, to heal all things that need healing, inside and out, and to simply embrace my daily life, in all of it's shortcomings, because they're shortcomings, but teachers nonetheless, and to just try to live this life as simply as freely as possible without having to have a heart attack, or needing to run to a therapist for advice, or a shoulder to cry on, in every life crisis of dilemma.
Don't get me wrong, we all need objective advice, and I will tell you first hand, it is some amazing stuff, and too, vulnerable and scary too.
There is a sheer joy in allowing someone in from the outside to listen and to give their objective opinion.
It is a tight rope to walk, and one that needs a maturity beyond anything else.
I am planning a One Year Anniversary Party for our store, and I cannot even believe it has been one year.
I have grown as a Woman, a Spirit, a Friend, a Manager, a Daughter, a Sister, and a Lover of Life!
My moments aren't dry by any means.
I happen to look at life through a microscope. That is just the way I am.
It sizzles my every last cell to seize any bit of information about my own journey, how I am creating it, and how I can consciously create it more specifically in a short amount of time, because if there is one thing I do know for sure, is that THERE IS NOT MUCH TIME LEFT!
I want to be able to look back and go, ROCK THE HELL ON GIRL, YOU GRABBED LIFE BY THE BALLS, AND YOU DIDN'T COWER DOWN, FOR ANYONE OR THING!!!!!!
If that is how I want it to look, than I do have some homework, and some gussying up to do!
I'm good now though.
I don't put up with too, too, much these days!
After all, I have a life to look back on ya know!
~
It has been probably 2 months since that fight and just today, I was washing off the porch, and found my bracelet that I had on that day, while in the midst of trying to brake the fight up between 4 dogs, and saw it hanging off of the railing, and it was bent to hell. I looked at it as if it were a car that was totalled in a wreck.
That day was so traumatizing for me, and for all of the dogs, and seeing that bracelet today, really kept me in check in so far as making change happen, whether you feel like it or not. Get out of your comfort zone.That last pack fight changed my life, and inside, there are a million stories that are being told to me, in how to use what I have in my life as guideposts, to not only better myself, but to make change happen, on a whole,even if it seems as if it is just for me.
My days are fuller than full.
I had a 10 day vacation and I promised myself I would just regroup from the year that has brought me so many lessons and challenges, take all that I have learned, and stand really, really tall, and map out what I want to do, feel like, look like and go for!
I wanted to test my strength, outwardly, as much as I know I have inwardly. I needed to vent some energy and wanted to do it constructively.
I had 10 days to mold myself into what I wanted, with no distractions.
I meditated, I read, I spent my mornings out on the deck, writing till I felt like it, fed the birds, went running with every dog, worked out everyday, rode my bike, went hiking, sat in silence for long, long periods, which is one thing I miss incredibly, made healthy, great food, spent major time in nature, and caught up on some things that have been sitting dormant since I left my old life, and began a new.
It was not a surprise when I gave myself, the "plan" that I would give to someone else who was looking to feel at their optimum, and to also, look their optimum.
If I want results, things can tend to be very strict, but to tell you the truth, it all weighs out. It may be strict, but the feeling you get while doing it is just amazingly contagious!
I could not wait to run the dogs, could not wait to train with weights, could not wait to make the next good healthy meal that made me feel AMAZING, and........... couldn't wait till morning came, to rub on my dogs, who need a ton of individual love, to wrap my covers around them, stare outside of the doors to my deck from the bedroom, to look at the sunrise, then fall back to sleep. To look in their eyes, and to witness so much that would take lifetimes to write about, and to just melt in that, knowing that I didn't have to be anywhere, at any time, and to just come back to the natural state that feels so real to me, so good, so innocent, and true.
To be honest, my regular days are like that, but it is condensed into a very specific time frame. I have it nailed down to a science at this point, but it is OK. It's good for me. It's focused and no time spent in my day is haphazard. It is all good, loving and giving back in some way. That feels good to me. I just wish for more of that focused time, outside of work.
I am not interested in relationship at all, and haven't been for a very long time. It has become something so secondary that if I were to deem it something it would be so last on the list of priorities. Almost so that I question my whereabouts with it all.
Kinda been there, done that, and yes, some things are great about it, but overall, the life I lead now, is so much more fulfilling and INTERESTING, than that of doing the whole dance of being with someone.
My quiet life is my drug of choice.
I don't care if no one gets it. I GET IT, AND IT APPEALS TO ME~ THE PERSON LIVING MY LIFE!
There isn't one person I know that says your time alone is good. More, it is not healthy, you need to get out, you need to date, you need to this and that.
I think I need to tell a story or two.
I AM NOT MISSING OUT MY FRIENDS!
Gabriela is not going to melt being alone. Gabriela loveeeeeeeeeeeeees being alone, and that is no joke.
Now if you take away my social life at work, things might change a bit, so don't get me wrong, I love people, love interaction, smart, intelligent, and worthwhile conversation.( A little bit of sarcastic Italian humor wouldn't hurt much either) ;)
Life is happening fast, and if I don't keep up on myself, and my interactions with people, and family, it will seem like one big huge tornado that swooped in and took me by surprise, when really, there should have been no surprise at all!
I have homework to do, all the time!! Mending, healing, celebrating, remembering, and making time for people that are in your life for a reason.
I am no where near perfect, nor do I want to be, but one thing I do know about myself, is that I want to make good where things may seem not so good, to heal all things that need healing, inside and out, and to simply embrace my daily life, in all of it's shortcomings, because they're shortcomings, but teachers nonetheless, and to just try to live this life as simply as freely as possible without having to have a heart attack, or needing to run to a therapist for advice, or a shoulder to cry on, in every life crisis of dilemma.
Don't get me wrong, we all need objective advice, and I will tell you first hand, it is some amazing stuff, and too, vulnerable and scary too.
There is a sheer joy in allowing someone in from the outside to listen and to give their objective opinion.
It is a tight rope to walk, and one that needs a maturity beyond anything else.
I am planning a One Year Anniversary Party for our store, and I cannot even believe it has been one year.
I have grown as a Woman, a Spirit, a Friend, a Manager, a Daughter, a Sister, and a Lover of Life!
My moments aren't dry by any means.
I happen to look at life through a microscope. That is just the way I am.
It sizzles my every last cell to seize any bit of information about my own journey, how I am creating it, and how I can consciously create it more specifically in a short amount of time, because if there is one thing I do know for sure, is that THERE IS NOT MUCH TIME LEFT!
I want to be able to look back and go, ROCK THE HELL ON GIRL, YOU GRABBED LIFE BY THE BALLS, AND YOU DIDN'T COWER DOWN, FOR ANYONE OR THING!!!!!!
If that is how I want it to look, than I do have some homework, and some gussying up to do!
I'm good now though.
I don't put up with too, too, much these days!
After all, I have a life to look back on ya know!
~
Monday, October 4, 2010
GO TO BED PEACEFULLY
At night, let all things rest. Put them away. Leave your nights for freedom. Freedom of movement, freedom of thought, freedom of wishes.........
not for worry.
Worry will be there, I promise you, as soon as you are aware that it is morning. You will grab onto a thought, and make it bigger, and bigger, and bigger before you even take the covers off.
Go to bed and consciously take all thought away.
Meditate, pray, focus on something that is divine, something that is whole, and good, and inspiring.
To lye there and muddle through all of the things that went on in your day, is just a continuation of "noise", without the noise, ya know what I mean?
At some point you just have to say STOP! JUST............STOP!
When is it then, that we really get alone time, to empty our thoughts, to make way for new and greater things?
Why not use the night, to plant seeds of growth, for wishes, for dreams to come true, for prayer, to send light to someone, or to just take a look into who you are, with no judgements, and love that person, as if you are cradling "them" to sleep.
I am headed to do the same.
You all are always in my prayers, and I wish great, great things for you.
Thank you for being in my life!
Gabriela
not for worry.
Worry will be there, I promise you, as soon as you are aware that it is morning. You will grab onto a thought, and make it bigger, and bigger, and bigger before you even take the covers off.
Go to bed and consciously take all thought away.
Meditate, pray, focus on something that is divine, something that is whole, and good, and inspiring.
To lye there and muddle through all of the things that went on in your day, is just a continuation of "noise", without the noise, ya know what I mean?
At some point you just have to say STOP! JUST............STOP!
When is it then, that we really get alone time, to empty our thoughts, to make way for new and greater things?
Why not use the night, to plant seeds of growth, for wishes, for dreams to come true, for prayer, to send light to someone, or to just take a look into who you are, with no judgements, and love that person, as if you are cradling "them" to sleep.
I am headed to do the same.
You all are always in my prayers, and I wish great, great things for you.
Thank you for being in my life!
Gabriela
MY BELOVED UNCLE DICK
The other day I received a post card, again, from my Uncle Dick, who has been a steadfast divine presence in all of our lives since we were little, but most importantly, was the rock in my mothers life, along with his wife, who we called Aunt Mary.
These two divine souls have nurtured the love and devotion for god in my mothers life, as well as ours, while she was living, have been by her side, as true friends, mentors, angels, and just beautiful friends, always there, to listen, to help, and to guide when she was not feeling up to par, or maybe overwhelmed with her life as it was, with five children, all alone, by herself.
Not only that, but to share in lifes beauties, the simplicity of it all, and the divinity, first and foremost.
I can write all night long about Uncle Dick and Aunt Mary, but I will start here, by saying that, since Mom has passed, and Aunt Mary too, right before Mom, I have slowly begun to form an adult relationship with my Uncle Dick that has been so comforting, so transformative, and real, almost amongst any relationship I have at this point in my life.
He is incredibly devoted to his life, his 6 boys, and his prayer.
He is full in his beliefs.
Like I said, I can go on about him and tell stories like crazy, but, I will just zone in on one time, inparticular that has stood out, amongst many, that has brought me, literally , to a place of ultimate realization.
I got home and was hurried to walk the dogs. I grabbed the leash, put it on one of the dogs and headed out.
I always stop at the mailbox on the way back in, and when I did, I saw a card from Dick Sammel, and suddenly got excited.
Not because I had a piece of mail, but because I knew, without a doubt, what would be inside of that card.
For one, he is an artist, so opening the card is always a joy, because I get to see his art work, that is so utterly gorgeous, and two, he expresses himself, as I do, with whatever comes to mind.
This one particular time, I grabbed his card, brought my dog in the yard, grabbed my coffee and sat on my rod iron bench, under this huge oak tree, that honestly makes me spell bound every time I sit there.
I had my coffee, my baby was eating some appealing blade of grass, and there I was, excited to see what Uncle Dick had to say this time.
It is always so chock full of love, so innocent, so real, and simple.
As I was reading his letter, it made me cry for numerous reasons.
It was if I had written the letter. Someone, Someone.........gets it!
If I can quote him......
"Dearest Joni,
Each day, as soon as I arise and make a pot of coffee, I sit by my front window and begin my prayers for the day, watch for the birds at my feeders, sip a little, and pray!
Amongst the thoughts and requests, and thanks, I say a Novena, perpetually, you of course are mentioned each day.
Of the requests I make during the Novena prayers is a request for "smiles".
I ask that I may touch someone, someway to make them smile, to make them feel better, for at least that moment, by my actions,, my love, my presence.
Some days, the smiles come easily, and abundantly.
Some days I have to search, a phone call, a note, an encounter at the market.
But, everyday, I ask for the grace to let my love shine through, and make someone smile!!!!
When I read your Daily Quotes of Sept 24 "All I Know", you say, "When I think of all the things I love doing, it always involves making someone smile, making someone happy."
You surely make me smile. Your whole being is of love and smiles!
A day or so later I received an email with this quote. "The fruit of love is service".
The fruit of service is peace, and peace begins with a smile". ~ Mother Theresa
"All of the above, makes me feel that I'm in good company. Joni and Mother Theresa, and..... smiles!
Today is your Aunt Mary and My 52nd Anniversary. I miss her ever more and fall in love with her continually~
Thank you sweet girl. Thank you for your words, your love, your sharing. You do bring smiles to this "Old Man".
Your,
Uncle Dick
I love this for the purity that it is!
End of Story.
~
These two divine souls have nurtured the love and devotion for god in my mothers life, as well as ours, while she was living, have been by her side, as true friends, mentors, angels, and just beautiful friends, always there, to listen, to help, and to guide when she was not feeling up to par, or maybe overwhelmed with her life as it was, with five children, all alone, by herself.
Not only that, but to share in lifes beauties, the simplicity of it all, and the divinity, first and foremost.
I can write all night long about Uncle Dick and Aunt Mary, but I will start here, by saying that, since Mom has passed, and Aunt Mary too, right before Mom, I have slowly begun to form an adult relationship with my Uncle Dick that has been so comforting, so transformative, and real, almost amongst any relationship I have at this point in my life.
He is incredibly devoted to his life, his 6 boys, and his prayer.
He is full in his beliefs.
Like I said, I can go on about him and tell stories like crazy, but, I will just zone in on one time, inparticular that has stood out, amongst many, that has brought me, literally , to a place of ultimate realization.
I got home and was hurried to walk the dogs. I grabbed the leash, put it on one of the dogs and headed out.
I always stop at the mailbox on the way back in, and when I did, I saw a card from Dick Sammel, and suddenly got excited.
Not because I had a piece of mail, but because I knew, without a doubt, what would be inside of that card.
For one, he is an artist, so opening the card is always a joy, because I get to see his art work, that is so utterly gorgeous, and two, he expresses himself, as I do, with whatever comes to mind.
This one particular time, I grabbed his card, brought my dog in the yard, grabbed my coffee and sat on my rod iron bench, under this huge oak tree, that honestly makes me spell bound every time I sit there.
I had my coffee, my baby was eating some appealing blade of grass, and there I was, excited to see what Uncle Dick had to say this time.
It is always so chock full of love, so innocent, so real, and simple.
As I was reading his letter, it made me cry for numerous reasons.
It was if I had written the letter. Someone, Someone.........gets it!
If I can quote him......
"Dearest Joni,
Each day, as soon as I arise and make a pot of coffee, I sit by my front window and begin my prayers for the day, watch for the birds at my feeders, sip a little, and pray!
Amongst the thoughts and requests, and thanks, I say a Novena, perpetually, you of course are mentioned each day.
Of the requests I make during the Novena prayers is a request for "smiles".
I ask that I may touch someone, someway to make them smile, to make them feel better, for at least that moment, by my actions,, my love, my presence.
Some days, the smiles come easily, and abundantly.
Some days I have to search, a phone call, a note, an encounter at the market.
But, everyday, I ask for the grace to let my love shine through, and make someone smile!!!!
When I read your Daily Quotes of Sept 24 "All I Know", you say, "When I think of all the things I love doing, it always involves making someone smile, making someone happy."
You surely make me smile. Your whole being is of love and smiles!
A day or so later I received an email with this quote. "The fruit of love is service".
The fruit of service is peace, and peace begins with a smile". ~ Mother Theresa
"All of the above, makes me feel that I'm in good company. Joni and Mother Theresa, and..... smiles!
Today is your Aunt Mary and My 52nd Anniversary. I miss her ever more and fall in love with her continually~
Thank you sweet girl. Thank you for your words, your love, your sharing. You do bring smiles to this "Old Man".
Your,
Uncle Dick
I love this for the purity that it is!
End of Story.
~
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
A HIGHER CALLING
This morning I woke up filled with so many mundane thoughts. They traipsed in my mind, like watching a ping pong match.
I watched the worries try to take over, the fears trying to win their constant game of "chess" with me.
I managed to laugh at how hard it was for those thoughts to try to make their way into my reality.
It took just a small amount of time to relinquish my divinity, and from then on, although every fear and worry was still there, I sank into a natural reality that made so much more sense, and felt so much more clear and real to me.
I spoke to a long lost friend of mine who I used to spend tons of time with years ago.We had a lot of things in common, mostly our spirituality, why we were here, and what that meant to us.
How refreshing those days were.
People with a soul purpose.
God, how I miss that!!
He told me he had retired from his business he had for years and now was studying Theology, hoping to become a priest someday.
Well, I have to say, that out of any one thing that has come out of anybodies mouth, in the last umpteen years, this has to be one of the most refreshing and rewarding statements that literally has brought me to a very specific state of mind.......let alone the tears of joy, that washed over me, for reasons, obvious, and not!
It soared through me like a bolt of lightning and felt as if someone had grabbed my insides and literally opened me up.
I had a vacation recently.
All of the money in the world could not have given me this kind of vacation...that I had..... inside.
I barely spoke to a soul, outside of a few clients and friends who I have been helping with fitness and nutrition programs.
I find myself vying for more and more time alone, which doesn't baffle me anymore, whereas I used to think it might be unhealthy, yet when I would question it, (mostly because of outside opinions), I would say to myself, "But how can it be so bad, when it feels so good?" It is so fulfilling and allows me to tap into the depths of my being almost effortlessly.
I contemplated my entire existence here, what I thought I wanted and how I want to see the rest of my years go.
I wasn't surprised at the outcome!
From my early twenties up until my late 30's I pretty much lived a monastic life. In retrospect, there are a lot of things I would have changed, but too, tons of things that I would not have changed, not one bit, and would go back in a heart beat to be able to devote my life entirely to the service of others, to having prayer and meditation be the primary focus of my days and not be working like the rat on the wheel who needs to rob Peter to pay Paul.
It leaves such a dry and empty feeling, one that makes me feel as if I am of no help to others and that the time required to access such depths is so scarce, that it hurts me, almost, to "beg" for that time to reach my "god", so to speak.
I miss having time to cook for the homeless, hanging out with them, learning about humanity, coming up with solutions, or partial solutions, or, maybe not any, but there was that time to give, at least, or just time to access that part of myself that has creative ways to to bring about change.
Humanity is hurting!
In this sense, I feel like a Mother.
It hurts to watch such Innocence get corrupt, or tainted with anything other than what we are so graced with naturally.
To watch the destruction, on all levels, pains me, and is a constant , constant thorn in my side that I can never seem to get rid of.
I promise I am not trying to be "Super Human" and save the world. I am not one of those, honestly, but I do know what I have inside and if I can somehow be part of a small contribution to this "home" of ours~ be it with people, or the entire planet~ I want to jump in full force, before arthritis sets in, grey hair, and all other natural frailties that may "take over" these bodies.
Still, then, I know I will always have a voice~and even if that were to fall to the way side~ I'd scribble on any napkin, any scrap piece of paper with any utensil, to say my piece~ of how~ maybe... we could have done things better, or to just plain ol' share this natural love, that will never come with a handbook, just experience~and allowance.....and a forgiveness that goes unyielded!
I don't dream of a fairy tale life, nor do I dream of the perfect lover.
I dream of change, of spiritual depth, spiritual growth, and implementing what is natural and divine, and capable of transforming, not only myself, but others, and this place we call our "home".
The place we tread our feet upon, day in and day out.
I always do question how I want to "BE THE CHANGE I WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD".
Those are my sacred thoughts, and every little moment I get the chance to practice that, I do!
Yes, something close to a Monastic life appeals to me......greatly!
I haven't figured it all out yet, but I know something greater will come. It has to. I am way too drenched in it, in my "private world" now, as it is, for it not to.
It is like the sweetest candy you can imagine. The best pleasure that no money could buy... the most tender kiss...... without the "kiss"...............softer than you'd ever know!!
There is a Higher Calling, for me, at least.
It echoes off of every mountain top, every wave in the Ocean, and every tiny little blade of grass.
It is there, in every corner, showing me my compass, toward a life that is unknown, uncertain, but real....oh so real, that blindfolded, I'd be that certain, of my "whereabouts" and be content in the knowing that I don't need a book to follow, just a heart...........to...........listen!
Thank you, thank you, for this exquisite life! I am honored.............greatly!
~
I watched the worries try to take over, the fears trying to win their constant game of "chess" with me.
I managed to laugh at how hard it was for those thoughts to try to make their way into my reality.
It took just a small amount of time to relinquish my divinity, and from then on, although every fear and worry was still there, I sank into a natural reality that made so much more sense, and felt so much more clear and real to me.
I spoke to a long lost friend of mine who I used to spend tons of time with years ago.We had a lot of things in common, mostly our spirituality, why we were here, and what that meant to us.
How refreshing those days were.
People with a soul purpose.
God, how I miss that!!
He told me he had retired from his business he had for years and now was studying Theology, hoping to become a priest someday.
Well, I have to say, that out of any one thing that has come out of anybodies mouth, in the last umpteen years, this has to be one of the most refreshing and rewarding statements that literally has brought me to a very specific state of mind.......let alone the tears of joy, that washed over me, for reasons, obvious, and not!
It soared through me like a bolt of lightning and felt as if someone had grabbed my insides and literally opened me up.
I had a vacation recently.
All of the money in the world could not have given me this kind of vacation...that I had..... inside.
I barely spoke to a soul, outside of a few clients and friends who I have been helping with fitness and nutrition programs.
I find myself vying for more and more time alone, which doesn't baffle me anymore, whereas I used to think it might be unhealthy, yet when I would question it, (mostly because of outside opinions), I would say to myself, "But how can it be so bad, when it feels so good?" It is so fulfilling and allows me to tap into the depths of my being almost effortlessly.
I contemplated my entire existence here, what I thought I wanted and how I want to see the rest of my years go.
I wasn't surprised at the outcome!
From my early twenties up until my late 30's I pretty much lived a monastic life. In retrospect, there are a lot of things I would have changed, but too, tons of things that I would not have changed, not one bit, and would go back in a heart beat to be able to devote my life entirely to the service of others, to having prayer and meditation be the primary focus of my days and not be working like the rat on the wheel who needs to rob Peter to pay Paul.
It leaves such a dry and empty feeling, one that makes me feel as if I am of no help to others and that the time required to access such depths is so scarce, that it hurts me, almost, to "beg" for that time to reach my "god", so to speak.
I miss having time to cook for the homeless, hanging out with them, learning about humanity, coming up with solutions, or partial solutions, or, maybe not any, but there was that time to give, at least, or just time to access that part of myself that has creative ways to to bring about change.
Humanity is hurting!
In this sense, I feel like a Mother.
It hurts to watch such Innocence get corrupt, or tainted with anything other than what we are so graced with naturally.
To watch the destruction, on all levels, pains me, and is a constant , constant thorn in my side that I can never seem to get rid of.
I promise I am not trying to be "Super Human" and save the world. I am not one of those, honestly, but I do know what I have inside and if I can somehow be part of a small contribution to this "home" of ours~ be it with people, or the entire planet~ I want to jump in full force, before arthritis sets in, grey hair, and all other natural frailties that may "take over" these bodies.
Still, then, I know I will always have a voice~and even if that were to fall to the way side~ I'd scribble on any napkin, any scrap piece of paper with any utensil, to say my piece~ of how~ maybe... we could have done things better, or to just plain ol' share this natural love, that will never come with a handbook, just experience~and allowance.....and a forgiveness that goes unyielded!
I don't dream of a fairy tale life, nor do I dream of the perfect lover.
I dream of change, of spiritual depth, spiritual growth, and implementing what is natural and divine, and capable of transforming, not only myself, but others, and this place we call our "home".
The place we tread our feet upon, day in and day out.
I always do question how I want to "BE THE CHANGE I WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD".
Those are my sacred thoughts, and every little moment I get the chance to practice that, I do!
Yes, something close to a Monastic life appeals to me......greatly!
I haven't figured it all out yet, but I know something greater will come. It has to. I am way too drenched in it, in my "private world" now, as it is, for it not to.
It is like the sweetest candy you can imagine. The best pleasure that no money could buy... the most tender kiss...... without the "kiss"...............softer than you'd ever know!!
There is a Higher Calling, for me, at least.
It echoes off of every mountain top, every wave in the Ocean, and every tiny little blade of grass.
It is there, in every corner, showing me my compass, toward a life that is unknown, uncertain, but real....oh so real, that blindfolded, I'd be that certain, of my "whereabouts" and be content in the knowing that I don't need a book to follow, just a heart...........to...........listen!
Thank you, thank you, for this exquisite life! I am honored.............greatly!
~
Monday, September 27, 2010
IN CELEBRATION OF OUR MOTHERS
This was actually so last minute, this blog, this title, and whatever words may appear after this sentence. I never really know what I am going to write until my fingers start typing, and usually I come up with a heading that has stuck out, or has spontaneously popped up, and then the other stuff comes.
I was just on face book and saw that a friend, actually a friend of a friend, whom I have never met, but have shared a lot of stories with, had posted something that caught my attention. It was a celebration of sorts to her mother. She was posting video clips of movies that her mother had shown her as a young child, and that had molded her as a woman today.
I watched one of the video's and it really took me in. One, since I have gotten a small little peak into this persons life, via our chats. The things she likes, the things that move her, and, she is a passionate soul, a musician, deep, introspective and has lived fully, inwardly, it seems,to sum up the very little that I know about her.
Anyway, she posted this video of a movie that her mother showed her as a child, and her post was about how this, and the movies to come, have molded her as a woman today.
I don't know this person, per say, but after watching this clip, of an old movie with Ingrid Bergman, one of my mothers favorites, I began to see the correlation, to some small extent, of this woman, who, like I said, I don't know, but somehow got, watching this video, and panning back on her posts that are so moving, so thought provoking and well........just made sense in a way that is actually kind of mysterious to me. It's odd in a way, but intuitive, and just........well.......I somehow got it.
Maybe it's like art in general. You go to an art exhibit, or opening, and you look and appreciate all that you see, but with your own depiction of what that piece was about.
That is the total beauty of art. It is there for you to make it what you want, like going to the movies. You take from it what you want. After all, it is cinema. Nothing is written in stone. To say that "this is what it is, and this was the message", is like......... NO!
You take home with you , your own personal message, and what it meant for you. And, well, if someone else had a specific meaning, than so be it, but at least you had the allowance to wonder, and play, and make it what you wanted, or needed for you. For some reason, to me, that is what it is all about. You learn about yourself through different mediums.
So, after seeing that clip, it gave way for a whole new opening of thought. It was as if I went to an art opening. It made me think of the "artist" or the person the artist was writing or painting about.
I love glimpsing into the depths of peoples thoughts about life, how they feel, why it made them feel that way, why it molded them, how it affected them, good or bad, and how it transformed them as people, growing in this age and time.
When I pan back on my life with my mother.......ahhhh, man..........she was sooooooooooo passionate about film, the theatre, acting, singing, and really watching good old fashioned movies. The ones that were "innocent" then........... the Jean Harlow's, the Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire's, the Judy Garland's, the Robert Mitchum's, the Lawrence Olivier's, the .... list is so long.
We would sit up at night on the couch. She would want Frangelico to sip on........ I would make popcorn and snuggle up to her. She always had the oldies station on. All of the old time movies that were from her time.
I would always say nooooooooooooo mom........let's watch something else, and she would tell me that someday I would thank her for making me watch these "silly movies" .
She would put them on and I would watch them, head on her lap, and her narrating, of course, so I could keep up with the story without being bored. She would tell me their names, who was who in Hollywood, and what their status was in the film world.
We shared film and the arts together.
She was a singer in NYC. The Belltones! She was active in the theatre. She then had 5 kids.
She lived her life vicariously through me with modeling, acting, writing and film.
In honor of a Face book Post, that took me back in time to watching movies with my mother, and appreciating those moments, I thank my distant friend for sharing that, and for allowing me to remember all of my tons of moments with my mother, watching movies that elated her, and kept her in her own tiny bubble of happiness, and then shared with me, the why's and how's of that happiness.
It truly is an honor to know what sparked our mothers, in all of their "down" time, the things that made them come alive, outside of their life, giving, and teaching, and forming, the lives of their children. It is a "job" that is so underated, and unappreciated.
It is one of the hardest jobs in the world!
Thank you friend, for sharing, and for sharing a part of you, and your Mother.
May we all celebrate our Mothers, and the glory of the love that is so pure, that no one else in this world will ever, ever give us.
Thanks Mom.
Gabriela
I was just on face book and saw that a friend, actually a friend of a friend, whom I have never met, but have shared a lot of stories with, had posted something that caught my attention. It was a celebration of sorts to her mother. She was posting video clips of movies that her mother had shown her as a young child, and that had molded her as a woman today.
I watched one of the video's and it really took me in. One, since I have gotten a small little peak into this persons life, via our chats. The things she likes, the things that move her, and, she is a passionate soul, a musician, deep, introspective and has lived fully, inwardly, it seems,to sum up the very little that I know about her.
Anyway, she posted this video of a movie that her mother showed her as a child, and her post was about how this, and the movies to come, have molded her as a woman today.
I don't know this person, per say, but after watching this clip, of an old movie with Ingrid Bergman, one of my mothers favorites, I began to see the correlation, to some small extent, of this woman, who, like I said, I don't know, but somehow got, watching this video, and panning back on her posts that are so moving, so thought provoking and well........just made sense in a way that is actually kind of mysterious to me. It's odd in a way, but intuitive, and just........well.......I somehow got it.
Maybe it's like art in general. You go to an art exhibit, or opening, and you look and appreciate all that you see, but with your own depiction of what that piece was about.
That is the total beauty of art. It is there for you to make it what you want, like going to the movies. You take from it what you want. After all, it is cinema. Nothing is written in stone. To say that "this is what it is, and this was the message", is like......... NO!
You take home with you , your own personal message, and what it meant for you. And, well, if someone else had a specific meaning, than so be it, but at least you had the allowance to wonder, and play, and make it what you wanted, or needed for you. For some reason, to me, that is what it is all about. You learn about yourself through different mediums.
So, after seeing that clip, it gave way for a whole new opening of thought. It was as if I went to an art opening. It made me think of the "artist" or the person the artist was writing or painting about.
I love glimpsing into the depths of peoples thoughts about life, how they feel, why it made them feel that way, why it molded them, how it affected them, good or bad, and how it transformed them as people, growing in this age and time.
When I pan back on my life with my mother.......ahhhh, man..........she was sooooooooooo passionate about film, the theatre, acting, singing, and really watching good old fashioned movies. The ones that were "innocent" then........... the Jean Harlow's, the Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire's, the Judy Garland's, the Robert Mitchum's, the Lawrence Olivier's, the .... list is so long.
We would sit up at night on the couch. She would want Frangelico to sip on........ I would make popcorn and snuggle up to her. She always had the oldies station on. All of the old time movies that were from her time.
I would always say nooooooooooooo mom........let's watch something else, and she would tell me that someday I would thank her for making me watch these "silly movies" .
She would put them on and I would watch them, head on her lap, and her narrating, of course, so I could keep up with the story without being bored. She would tell me their names, who was who in Hollywood, and what their status was in the film world.
We shared film and the arts together.
She was a singer in NYC. The Belltones! She was active in the theatre. She then had 5 kids.
She lived her life vicariously through me with modeling, acting, writing and film.
In honor of a Face book Post, that took me back in time to watching movies with my mother, and appreciating those moments, I thank my distant friend for sharing that, and for allowing me to remember all of my tons of moments with my mother, watching movies that elated her, and kept her in her own tiny bubble of happiness, and then shared with me, the why's and how's of that happiness.
It truly is an honor to know what sparked our mothers, in all of their "down" time, the things that made them come alive, outside of their life, giving, and teaching, and forming, the lives of their children. It is a "job" that is so underated, and unappreciated.
It is one of the hardest jobs in the world!
Thank you friend, for sharing, and for sharing a part of you, and your Mother.
May we all celebrate our Mothers, and the glory of the love that is so pure, that no one else in this world will ever, ever give us.
Thanks Mom.
Gabriela
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