WOW IT'S BEEN AWHILE

It seems as if it has been so long since I have actually written, with some time to actually think, outside of working 24/7, running the dogs, jumping over obstacle courses, so it seems, in my house, as I am still separating all of the dogs from the recent pack fight.

It has been probably 2 months since that fight and just today, I was washing off the porch, and found my bracelet that I had on that day, while in the midst of trying to brake the fight up between 4 dogs, and saw it hanging off of the railing, and it was bent to hell. I looked at it as if it were a car that was totalled in a wreck.
That day was so traumatizing for me, and for all of the dogs, and seeing that bracelet today, really kept me in check in so far as making change happen, whether you feel like it or not. Get out of  your comfort zone.That last pack fight changed my life, and inside, there are a million stories that are being told to me, in how to use what I have in my life as guideposts, to not only better myself, but to make change happen, on  a whole,even if it seems as if it is just for  me.

My days are fuller than full.

I had a 10 day vacation and I promised myself I would just regroup from the year that has brought me so many lessons and challenges, take all that I have learned, and stand really, really tall, and map out what I want to do, feel like, look like and go for!

I wanted to test my strength, outwardly, as much as I know I have inwardly. I needed to vent some energy and wanted to do it constructively.

I had 10 days to mold myself into what I wanted, with no distractions.

I meditated, I read, I spent my mornings out on the deck, writing till I felt like it, fed the birds, went running with every dog, worked out everyday, rode my bike, went hiking, sat in silence for long, long periods, which is one thing I miss incredibly, made healthy, great food, spent major time in nature, and caught up on some things that have been sitting dormant since I left my old life, and began a new.

It was  not a surprise when I gave myself, the "plan" that I would give to someone else who was looking to feel at their optimum, and to also, look their optimum.

If I want results, things can tend to be very strict, but to tell you the truth, it all weighs out. It may be strict, but the feeling you get while doing it is just amazingly contagious!

I could not wait to run the dogs, could not wait to train with weights, could not wait to make the next good healthy meal that made me feel AMAZING, and........... couldn't wait till morning came, to rub on my dogs, who need a ton of individual love, to wrap my covers around them, stare outside of the doors to my deck from the bedroom, to look at the sunrise, then fall back to sleep. To look in their eyes, and to witness so much that would take lifetimes to write about, and to just melt in that, knowing that I didn't have to be anywhere, at any time, and to just come back to the natural state that feels so real to me, so good, so innocent, and true.

To be honest, my regular days are like that, but it is condensed into a very specific time frame. I have it nailed down to a science at this point, but it is OK. It's good for me. It's focused and no time spent in my day is haphazard. It is all good, loving and giving back in some way. That feels good to me. I just wish for more of that focused time, outside of work.

I am not interested in relationship at all, and haven't been for a very long time. It has become something so secondary that if I were to deem it something it would be so last on the list of priorities. Almost so that I question my whereabouts with it all.

Kinda been there, done that, and yes, some things are great about it, but overall, the life I lead now, is so much more fulfilling and INTERESTING, than that of doing the whole dance of being with someone.

My quiet life is my drug of choice.

I don't care if no one gets it. I GET IT, AND IT APPEALS TO ME~ THE PERSON LIVING MY LIFE!

There isn't one person I know that says  your time alone is good. More, it is not healthy, you need to get out, you need to date, you need to this and that.
I think I need to tell a story or two.

I AM NOT MISSING OUT MY FRIENDS!

Gabriela is not going to melt being alone. Gabriela loveeeeeeeeeeeeees being alone, and that is no joke.

Now if you take away my social life at work, things might change a bit, so don't get me wrong, I love people, love interaction, smart, intelligent, and worthwhile conversation.( A little bit of sarcastic Italian humor wouldn't hurt much either) ;)

Life is happening fast, and if I don't keep up on myself, and my interactions with people, and family, it will seem like one big huge tornado that swooped in and took me by surprise, when really, there should have been no surprise at all!

I have homework to do, all the time!! Mending, healing, celebrating, remembering, and making time for people that are in your  life for a reason.

I am no where near perfect, nor do I want to be, but one thing I do know about myself, is that I want to make good where things may seem not so good, to heal all things that need healing, inside and out, and to simply embrace my daily life, in all of it's shortcomings, because they're shortcomings, but  teachers nonetheless, and to just try to live this life as simply as freely as possible without having to have a heart attack, or needing to run to a therapist for advice, or a shoulder to cry on, in every life crisis of dilemma.
Don't get me wrong, we all need objective advice, and I will tell you first hand, it is some amazing stuff, and too, vulnerable and scary too.
There is a sheer joy in allowing someone in from the outside to listen and to give their objective opinion.
It is a tight rope to walk, and one that needs a maturity beyond anything else.

I am  planning a One Year Anniversary Party for our store, and I cannot even believe it has been one year.

I have grown as a Woman, a Spirit, a Friend, a Manager, a Daughter, a Sister, and a Lover of Life!

My moments aren't dry by any means.

I happen to look at life through a microscope. That is just the way I am.

It sizzles my every last cell to seize any bit of information about my own journey, how I am creating it, and how I can consciously create it more specifically in a short amount of time, because if there is one thing I do know for sure, is that THERE IS NOT MUCH TIME LEFT!

I want to be able to look back and go, ROCK THE HELL ON GIRL, YOU GRABBED LIFE BY THE BALLS, AND YOU DIDN'T COWER DOWN, FOR ANYONE OR THING!!!!!!

If that is how I want it to look, than I do have some homework, and some gussying up to do!

I'm good now though.

I don't put up with too, too, much these days!

After all, I have a life to look back on ya know!

~