COLORING MY WORLD

This morning I woke up and couldn't lift my head off of my pillow again.
I did something to my back and neck the other day working out and I could barely move it yesterday.
I noticed during work that I kept focusing on it because I was in so much pain, but also, didn't want my compadres jerking me around like they do, tugging, pulling and goofing off with me. ( It is pretty funny and I do love it), but I was in so much pain, I had to forewarn everyone not to grab onto me too much.
Anyway, I walked around so stiff and what not....... that was that....... that was the thought pattern.

I came home and couldn't wait to put a heating pad on. I did and went to bed.
So, I woke up, and the first thing I thought was.......UUUhhhhh, it hurts, and almost immediately, I found myself sitting up anyway, and felt  my consciousness change in an instant flat. I wandered away from the body in the most phenomenal way, like it used to be on a regular basis when I would meditate for hours upon hours. I would be able to witness so much more about the body, how it is, how it works, and....how to separate myself from it, and just be objective in thought about it and not necessarily become whatever it was that was ailing me.
So, I sat up, looked out onto the water, looked at my dogs, and felt the most amazing feeling of not being in this body. I witnessed my surroundings as being so temporary, witnessed this body as being so intricate, so alive with an energy that I haven't even tapped into fully in 44 years, and that today was a brand, spankin new day to make myself even more alive, in something that is right here, right now, inside, bursting to tell me more of who I am.

I went downstairs to brew my cup of sacredness, yes, my hafta have cup of coffee, did the spin cycle in my house with maneuvering the dogs from room to room, deck to outdoors, and literally am still, finding myself so elated at what had occurred upon rising.

I took my coffee out to the front yard where I faithfully sit with Bello and Surrender, the two who can now be together, but not in the same room with the other dogs.

It's actually nice because they don't all vie for my attention all at once. I think we all like the private attention, with, and for each other.

I usually do a scan of the whole yard. Usually during the week my little sock snatcher, (Surrender), finds my fuzzy socks, or my bicycle socks and hides them, and then I find them in the most precarious places, like on my Agave cactus, or on St. Frances in the garden. That was actually a great one, I shoulda taken a picture then. God, I just heard my mom laughing at that. How funny! I love you mom.

So, I am out there scoping the yard, and I found 3 socks, starting laughing, with my heating pad wrapped around my neck, my silly outfit of long shorts, a tank, and funny colored fuzzy socks with my garden crocks on. I love it. No one to impress but me, and I could care less. How relieving!
I sat in my little bench under the tree, and felt my neck move with such ease, after only an hour after waking.

I looked up and saw these thick oak branches, the curvature in the bark, the colors, the leaves, and it brought me right back to when I was a kid. We had almost the same tree in the back yard. I climbed that baby everyday. Had climbing contests with my brother, it was first base, on our "baseball field" forever, it was my hideout when things got crazy in our house, it was my dreaming spot, my test of strength spot. My brother and I would see who could do the most pull ups on this one branch. I'm pretty sure I lost, but I always gave them a good run for their money.

I went into that daze and wow, is all I have to say. I sprung up, put my coffee on the stoop, and hauled butt up that tree like I was 7 again. I was cracking up, and too, reveling in the feeling of not giving into THOUGHT! Neck shmeck! Who's neck hurts? Not mine.......and..that wasn't even a thought. That is my thought now, as I sit here, with no heating pad, a very flexible neck, and a joy that I can hardly contain.
I climbed that tree all the way up. I felt those branches like they were my own limbs. I checked out life from a birds view. I remembered our house on Concord Avenue, and remembering little me, who is exactly the same now, as she was then.
It's all cyclical.

We inevitably come back to ourselves.
We have so many opportunities to remain true to who we are, inside and out, amongst all of the crap, life's misfortunes, shortcomings, our own tiring thoughts of who we think we are and what we are supposed to be doing.
It truly takes the pressure off if we can just be who we are, in each tiny moment, fully alive in exactly where we are, with all of the good, or not so good situations, and embrace them all and go out there damn it, and enjoy your life.
Things always change, don't worry. That is the beauty in the current of life. You don't even have to do anything. Life will allow change, when it is time to change. You just be ready for it at any given time, and don't hold onto anything. Let go of the railing. Let go of the banks on the river as you are floating through life. Take a little risk and let the enormity of who you really are emerge and take over the reigns a bit.

No one said "This beautiful life is about CONTROL".

This life to me is about flowing, allowance to be, and to enjoy what natural given beauty we have before us. Anything after that is your interpretation of how YOU think it should be.

So, if you are in something you don't care to be, YOU CAN.........GET YOURSELF OUT.
If you are unhappy............YOU CAN GET YOURSELF OUT!
In my little life's experiences, it takes so much effort to retrain your thoughts and mold them into something so simple........even as to remind yourself that you are not who you think you are.

I sat in therapy last year watching my therapist almost heart broken that I had this one particular thought about myself. I sat there, still, in total belief about this thought that I believed to be so true, and it has been with me since I was 4. I allowed it to cling to me, and still, every now and again it rears it's ugly head, but I think since that day, watching my therapists face, and how sad she was, for me, even understanding the psychological reasons........... it had blown up how terribly sad IT  REALLY IS for all of our false beliefs to linger on with us, and for us to so robotically take them on, as something that we think is real, when honestly, none of it is true. Not one stinkin' bit!

We are beautiful little souls who have been blessed to have some time on this incredible planet. To enjoy each other, to find beauty in all people, all environments, and to make all of it sacred. To choose love over our thoughts, and to embrace all that we cannot change, and to make good out of it anyway.

Our thoughts do shape our every moments.

Last week I said "I can't do this or can't do that because..................and the list went on.

Today, I'm buying the paint for my workout room, and not only that, I am designing another house that will reek of me, doing all of the design I love, the eclectic furniture, the lamps, the light switch covers, the very detail that I love in designing............ gardens, you name it. I'm making the list of things that I continually tell myself, "Well, not now, but maybe when................

My list looks amazing right now. Not unachievable at all.

Switch the mode upstairs. Be gentle with yourself, and know, that ANYTHING, ANYTHING, ANYTHING, IS POSSIBLE.................retrain. Re introduce yourself, to...........yourself.
Greet yourself at the door today, with open arms, a forgiveness for what pokes at you inside, a compassion that will allow you to laugh a bit more, relax a little, and not have so many expectations of yourself.

Take a breath!

Life is sooooooooooooooo grand.

Color your world. Make it pretty. Make it exactly what you want, and in the meantime.............see all of the simple things that really could make your day in seconds. It really does outweigh all of the stuff that you think is so darn important.

Go do something today that you thought you couldn't.

I am.

I want a dark brown room. heee

And my room..............mysterious red!

I'm so excited!!

Have an awesome day everyone.

Love to you,
Gabriela