I have known a lot of you for many, many years, and some just briefly, yet time doesn't seem to determine the whys and how's of our connections.
I have so many incredible relationships, that have been nurtured over the years, whether it is serving you your cappuccino every morning and sharing pieces of our lives, or by greeting you at the door of the restaurant, seating you and feeding you, getting to know you and your families, and all of your hearts.
Time and time again, I see you, and more pieces to the "puzzle" fit together, and therein forms something so lovely and precious to me.
Many of you have worked your way into my heart, for so many different reasons, and although my time with you is merely spent in fragments, it is whole, to me, in those moments.
I share my personal self through my blog, which I started simply to discipline myself to continue writing everyday, so that come time for my books to surface, I wouldn't have been sitting too dormant, or felt dry in the waiting process, or, at a loss for any kind of expression, which quite honestly, only happens every so often.
In those moments, it is usually when I am on the receiving end, which doesn't come as easily for me, as being the giver.
Take the giver away and words become few.
How funny that is huh?
Only then, do I really get to see and feel all aspects of what it is like to be a giver, because when receiving from such a perspective, it really blows up the reality of how great love can be~ in all of it's genuiness, to witness giving without wanting, and to revel in the joy of someone else's happiness.
Experiencing both ends, to me, are a complete and total phenomenon, when felt in it's entirety.
My daily life at work is 100% social. It's non stop moving, multi-tasking and doing, doing, doing. It's high energy, which I love, loud and noisy, and chaotic. Sorta brings me back to when I was a kid, no lie!
(you can run but you can never, ever hide haha).
It is a great social, outgoing life and I like it in that respect because I am not a down town girl. I don't go out all the time, if at all, to that kind of stuff. Dinners out are rare, since I work at a restaurant, and work mostly nights.
I am so grateful to have met all of the amazing people I know, via this medium.
I do find it incredibly important that when I do leave there, I come home and revel in the beauty of no noise, not one iota of a sound. It's usually dark, stars full on, and the moon in all of it's glory ,showing itself off to me. My animals waiting with tongues out, for me to play, and hug and kiss and talk to them, like they so love.
It is another side of me, the most important one !The quiet, secluded, subdued, and introspective life that I am so in love with more than words can express.
I don't think that if on my time off, I didn't make that a priority, there would be any way for me to possibly share that aspect of myself, with you, while doing the multi-tasking, amongst the noise, and the craziness that can happen with people or just the restaurant business in and of itself.
I always say, I am going to do this and do that on my days off~ visit this one or that one, and when I finally settle into my nest, realize the amount of time I have to balance home life, animals, bills, exercise and pure lay down, rest, quiet time~ I find myself scheduling my own rest, my own private day, so I won't miss out on laying low. It is a really odd thing, how that all transpires.
I have come out a bit. Saying yes to certain events, and things, that will keep me social in a different kind of atmosphere, but, not much.
The grandeur of my time alone, and with my babies, and in nature, and reading, and meditating has captured my heart like nothing other. When I weigh it all out, I just hate to give up my private time. I think, "God, now I have a whole other week to wait for a day off to do what I want, and not be rushed". OMG, it's the rat on the wheel........get a gun.......hurry!!!! Ugh!
Being alone is like my drug of choice these days. It is so consistently rewarding.
Nature too, never fails my heart, and it continuously surprises me in all of it's mystery.
I woke up with a million things to do and thought, let me have my coffee out on the deck, say good morning to my little feathered friends, and get cozy inside before the rat race begins.
The phone calls, the bills, the lawyers, the paper work, you know, the Ahhhhhhhhh, I don't wanna do this crap....kinda stuff.
If I start my day out right, then the rest of what my day brings will be water off a ducks back, I won't have an edge, or be stressed, it'll just be one foot in front of the other, doing what needs to happen and I can whistle instead of stressing.
Amazing, what a tiny segment of time to get clear and centered can do for the rest of your day, your month, your year....................YOUR LIFE!
This is my personal commitment!
I came upstairs, sat in my usual chair, where I can see nothing but birds, the lake the trees, and really, I am surrounded with nothing but nature. It is outside of my bedroom on a huge deck that reeks of peace. I am so grateful to have such a view, such access to water, as I am the Scorpion of the Zodiac.
I love watching the sailboats.God, they are a peace personified, just watching them! I think of a new friend I have now, who charters her own sail boat, and is on it as much as she can, so it seems, and has a natural passion for the water and sailing. Just watching, I can see how someone would fall so in love with being out there more, than on land. Again, the forces of nature, prevail.
The white caps fold into each other, the rays of sun beat onto my skin, and the kisses of the new autumn air caress my face, and man, I tell you, I honestly don't know how I get the gumption to leave here everyday to go to an enclosed building full of noise and people. It truly baffles me!!!
I brought myself a plate of fresh fruit, some warm Brie Cheese, and a pitcher of some fresh mint tea that had been steeping all morning long.
On went my headset, and off I went to Chopin land, where I disappear in a matter of seconds.
I thought to myself, again, time is fleeting........ I observe it constantly, and am perplexed at the minute amount of possibilities that there are to devote yourself to this kind of living, if you are not inherently rich, or have won the lottery, or have found yourself a sugar momma, or poppa, all in which I am no more attracted to than the man on the moon. ( although he and I would have some amazing conversation, I could promise you that!)
I also thought of how I have wanted to spend time with the people I care about, but in a way that is not so work ish. To actually BE WITH YOU ALL, in a way that was great, and maybe let you a little bit closer to the real me that you question, but never really quite get the answer, because talking about who you are and why you are here, over serving you Gnocchi al Sugo, quite honestly, just isn't gonna happen.
It has, in fragments, but leaves people constantly questioning things that I would plainly just love to plop myself down to talk about, but........ work is work, and I am grateful for the little time I get with all of you, as broken up as it is.
So....... I came up with something that I wanted to do. Something from me, to you.
I thought I would invite you to come on a little outing with me.
A different kind of Saturday, than your usual, and joining me in, what I would call a perfect day.
If you cannot live without your cell phone for a few hours, you might want to just say, "Thanks, but no thanks.....uh......maybe next time........or ........... just not at all!
It's sort of a surprise, and........a gift, at the same time.
More than likely, if you are not in the restaurant business, you will have a Saturday off. Me, on the other hand, will have to request a Saturday off, maybe in the first week of November, the second week, the latest, so we can still get some nice weather in.
You can either eat before you come,or bring some snacks. You'll need a back pack, water, hiking boots, or sneakers, whichever you prefer, jeans, T-shirt, or light jacket, (it'll be November so....) and if you would like to bring binoculars and or a camera that will be fine, and maybe a towel.
That should really be it.
I will email you and let you know what Saturday in early November, and hopefully you can make it, and spend some time with me outside of work enjoying more of the real side.
I love all of you, and am so honored to be a part of your lives and wish I could be the Jeanie in the bottle, granting all wishes to come true, or Bewitched, twinkling my nose to get you all what you want and so deserve, inside and out.
What I can do is give you what gifts I have, and sort of wrap them up, Gabriela style, and hand them to you, in all sorts of different "wrap", and allow you to unravel the surprises that I have hand picked for you.
Whoever wants in............. you have my email......give me a heads up.
I will let you know what day I am planning, so start searching your calendar for early November, on a Saturday............
Surprises are fun!
Mystery is grand!
I love you all like crazy!
Thank you for being in my life.
If it weren't for you, all of life's currents, would feel like gigantic waves.
I appreciate you more than you know.
~
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