STAY FOCUSED

DON'T MOVE
INSIDE.

LET ALL OF
THE CIRCUMSTANCES
SHOW
THEMSELVES

AND YOU
STAY
WITNESS.

KEEP FOCUSED
ON
THE
GOAL!

BUT
STAY
RIGHT
RIGHT
HERE!

RIGHT
NOW!

ENJOY
EVERY
MOMENT!

IT MAY
NEVER
COME
AGAIN!

CIRCUS ACT

   I honestly don't think I can keep up with the screenplays, the circus acts, that present themselves to us. To me, the circus is to keep you intrigued and amused. Screenplays are always deep, twisted and always trying to find the answer in the story line, one which makes sense.

I guess it would make sense that I would be intrigued with life and all of the things it throws at us, but when it happens to us, staying that objective, to see the humor and the intrigue can be challenging.

I decided that rather than writing every night, I am just going to write intuitively, when the moment really strikes, and not because I think I have some obligation, although, I see writing this blog as an honor, to myself, and hopefully some of my words may inspire you, or spark something inside of you that will help you along your way.

I surely don't profess to be some kind of know it all, some prophet, or anyone, for that matter that has some answer to life's questions.

I have my own deep and amazing experiences. I also have my deep and intense emotions that take me to the moon and back...........make me go crazy with wonderment, how it all works, and how I can possibly make it all balance, consciously........... really look at my life, the workings of it all, and how I can be 100% in the way I know is  pure, and good, and clean, even if it hurts like a mo fo!

I honestly don't take any easy way outs!! If that were the case, I'd be living high in some mansion, with every goody you could think of.......... being totally taken care of............ with a bunch of expectations, wants, needs, and a compromising of my soul that I just could never bare, not for one second.............. in my precious life!

There are people left and right who think I am the cats meow............ ( I'm not so bad), but that think taking care of me will do it. Big house, cars galore, dinners, nights out, nice clothes, living on the water, traveling, you name it.............

I've had luxury in that capacity, on my own, no help thank you very much! I don't need several BMW"s to label me whole! I actually had the worst back aches from my little BMW Z3. Could care less. I actually loved my Ford Sport truck. I hated trading that in. Shoulda coulda woulda........

You know, you go from want to want. It is a great, great lesson to go from lots to nuthin. When I say nuthin, it is just not with all of the grand luxuries, which are great, but truly not necessary.

I still love all of those luxuries, but I have come back to a humble ground where you make do, with what you have, and the beauty in that is............. WHAT WE HAVE IS SO GREAT! SIMPLE AND PERFECT. NO NEED TO ADD ANYTHING!!

Now we all have our own circumstances. My life always happens to be somewhat extreme in what it conveys to the world.

Nothing really in my outer life makes sense. Maybe for the fact that I show up at work everyday, and do what I need to do, but behind the scenes is so different, and people judge, and make comments, and really, have no idea what the hell it means to you, in your personal life. They just view it as WOW, look at that set of circumstances, and well, who gives a shit, really...........and that is the total honest Truth! People could care less............. it goes in one ear and out the other................

AKA... Circus Act!!

I  have managed to stay focused and clear in the hardest times! I know now, that yes, I am made of freakin steel! Sounds great, but that is just the outer!

The steel has to bend at some point.

I miss bending the steel.

Bending my ideas of who I am right now, what I am experiencing, and putting it all in perspective..........one that is hard to grasp, but in my heart, makes sense, and the pain of that growth, is so extra ordinary, and really something, at this point, amazingly difficult to articulate.

There are so many different levels of growth, understanding, and pieces of the puzzle to put together.

Ya know we watch these great movies, where you have to find out just what the hell is going on, and you sit for 2 or so hours, biting your nails, trying to figure out what the heck the story line is about......and at the end of the movie, more than likely, your like........ " What the F........"!

Chuckle, chuckle...........so there it is!

I do that everyday! I  haven't watched TV in over a year and a half! Why? I have my own dilemmas........and I don't say that as some downer. I say it with a fervor, and an intrigue that makes my time off from "regular life" worth while!

Why wouldn't it be just as interesting? IT'S MY LIFE!!!! HOLY CRAP!!! Can I be just as objective, interested, and passionate about the outcome as much as watching the latest thriller, or suspense film?

I am so on it!

Can I take 2 whole hours to pay attention to my own dilemmas?

Can I take 2 whole hours, with maybe one break.............ONE............. TO HURRY UP AND PEE, AND GET POPCORN........and be that motivated to get right back to my seat, to see what the hell is going on in my own life, why and what the characters are, and all of the behind the scene stuff, the whys, the how's and biting my nails till the end to find out WHY?????????????????????? WHY ON EARTH DID ALL OF THIS STUFF HAPPEN????
WHO IS TO BLAME?
WHO IS INNOCENT?

What is the end result? Who wins? What is the lesson? And where to go from now??

This, to me, is the Circus Act.

It is always moving.

Always intriguing.

And always with a story line behind it.

I want to be just as "nail biting" in my life, with my own personal story.

I want to know!! I want to know the whys, the how's, and what I can do to understand the story line more!

I don't want to be puzzled at the end of the story!

I think of my dying day, whenever that may be. Honestly, it could be soon, I really don't know that.

I want to be as close to understanding my evolution, and what I have to offer here, in this span of time, as I vie to understand the usage sheets at work, the inventory, the every bit of stuff that is seemingly just part of the program, but unequivocally, just as important as your right arm is to your left.

If you are a passionate soul............. it will be this way with everything!

I just don't want to miss out man!

If I want to be hip to anything, it is to my time here, my purpose, and how I can be of help to you!

It may all be a circus act, but there is a reason behind "Entertainment".

Call it what you want.

The bottom line is............WE NEED TO GET TO GETTIN.................

The Circus only lasts so long!

~

SWEET 16

Well, I was reminded in an email I received from my Uncle, about sweet 16. He said he didn't remember it at all, but for us girls, sweet 16 was the ship on the ocean!!

He didn't think that I would even remember, but man, that was like yesterday, and so many things stand out.

Of course we didn't have much money, and my mom just hated that, because she always wanted to give me what I wanted, AND what all of the other kids had, or were doing.

At that time, for some reason, it meant a lot to me to have a school jacket. Usually every one sported our letters from school, but I didn't care, I just wanted the jacket. I  knew we didn't have money, and even that my mom did that blew me away, but she did throw me a sweet 16 party, with all of  my closest friends. She made all kinds of appetizers, had food galore, took pictures, I opened the coolest presents, and most of all, for me, I was sitting in a room filled with people who I  loved and adored, I could care less about the gifts.

My best friend Pam handed me a box, and when I opened it, it was my school jacket, minus the lettering. I was so excited at the fact that I would even be able to wear a school jacket, cuz that was kind of outa my league. We just didn't have it. And I knew in my heart that my mom was so excited to be able to get that for me. Goofy me, is getting all sentimental and crying as I write because no matter the circumstances, my mom always tried to give me the best, to be able to fit in, to be "hip" and to not feel left out, even though we didn't have much money. I know that all of my friends were looking at me like," Hay, no big deal, so you got a jacket, but where are the letters?"

If I could have held off an army I would have, that is how protective I was in knowing that my mother did all that she could, just to get the green and white jacket to me. uhhh, yes, I am a mess right now. 16 was poignant, not just because it is "supposed to be celebrated", but because my mother over extended herself when, again, she just didn't have it!

I have pictures of me at my birthday.........looking oh so white. I was over excited and got sick............hahahha. But nevertheless, I had a great time with my friends, and my mom was in the corner looking so happy and proud.

As for you Uncle Dick, those memories were like yesterday, and if I could go back in time, I would! I don't think any girl would forget her Sweet 16.

I haven't!

If I can find pictures, I will post, for sure!

P.S. Thanks to Face book, I have gotten in touch with all of my friends who attended that day, all except my best friend Theresa Meyer. May she be resting somewhere peaceful, away from all of the troubles she had growing up. My heart is always with you T. I love you!

J

I KNOW IT'S NOT EASY.......

I don't think I would ever really profess that living in awareness is easy........ever......really........unless you really get the swing of it down, and  you are really concentrating on energy spent, energy taken in, what foods affect your moods, how much sleep makes you this way or that way, how your old patterns creep in and without you  looking, take you away on some magic carpet ride, and you didn't even notice....to then say.......woa........where was I just then........and be able to reign yourself in to a good place, that is not this way or that way, but plainly living with WHAT IS, and responding with a love, and an acceptance, for things, and yourself, and to act accordingly, as purely as could be.

I honestly don't know how people do it with kids, husbands, wives, big careers, and such. I have a full time  job, 5 animals and myself............. Full to capacity............. and maybe that is just for now, but man........... I guess the way I like things, it is good just the way it is, so that I do get a groove on, without someone, and to find what it is that makes me tick, that makes me motivated, and what makes me feel most alive, without wanting that from someone or something else.

I don't really crave someone or something much at all. I get my little spurts here and there, and often think of someone special, but in my everyday living, I am not missing anything that makes me feel incomplete, at all!

If it were to be that, it would be that of wanting to write all day long, from home, and maybe venturing out to help some old lady, or old man, who is craving enthusiasm, a fun workout, or maybe a walk in the park to watch the ducks swim by, or to go to the store to pick out their favorite foods, for me to go home and  make them whatever it is they crave.

That would be my desire...........to see someone happy because of something I so naturally love to do.......which is  nothing other than love.........in a few different forms or fashions. It really is no big deal, but I do know how to do some things, and it just so happens that some people really dig that, and.........need that!

I was on my run the other night, and  happened upon an old man, who lives right down the road, but I have never actually seen him. His house is unbelievable, huge, Tuscan style Villa on the water, statues everywhere, landscaping to die for......and every time I go running, or take the dogs on their walk, we go past and the dogs cannot help but to go up to the gate, that is camera laden and security out the wazoo. I go up anyway, of course, and think, ahhh, so what, if they see me on camera, they'll see my pups and not care, which is true. We are just acknowledging the beauty, or in the dogs case, wondering what the hell those statues are of animals..........

I finally, after a year, got to meet the owner, and what a sweet, sweet interaction. I dunno.......Texans have grown on me, and I like their way, and they like me......... I sometimes feel funny, ya know. There I am, standing in front of an old school Texas boy, ( probably in his 70's) with my IPhone playing Classic Rock, or Reggae,  running shorts, a tank top, and a big fat bandanna around  my ankle, and some pretty large tattoos swingin in the wind. I always do wonder what those thoughts are whirling around in peoples heads when they see "me", Gabriela, with a tattoo or two. It is always interesting.

Nevertheless, we hit it off, and yes, he is an old man, not dying or anything........... but old......er I should say.
We covered every subject that we could in the span of time we had, and when I was about to leave he so humbly shook my hand and said what an honor it was to have met me. It was so cool. Cuz he meant it, and I didn't take it as anything but a respectful and humble comment, which is rare, and the thing was, I felt the same, same way!

There is something about old people, the wisdom in their voice, the wisdom in the coloring on their face, the damage from the sun on their neck, although that is always a great thing to me, as it looks as if they were hard working, and not self conscious enough to care, but were doing some good deed out in mother nature.

Well, that day, I had three more dogs to run, and three more times, we met up, and had the most innocent interactions.
He told me he was going back to Sugar Land to get his wife who just had surgery, and would be there for a few weeks, but would love for me to come have a glass of wine, and chat some more. He was interested in a few services that I provide, and said his wife would be needing some things as well. I kind of shrugged. In the moment all I cared about was our interaction, but I did think, there is always a reason for everything.

I knew he was leaving tomorrow to attend to his wife, so on my run tonight, I left a baseball cap that I thought he would like, since he wears them regularly, and a small bag of nurturing soaps and teas that his wife could use after surgery.............a little Lavender and Chamomile will always soothe the nerves, I don't care what anyone says!

After I got home, I had to meet someone who was looking at a piece of furniture I had for sale, and so, my time with John sort of faded for a while, but has crept back now, and has me feeling pretty awesome!
I don't know if it is "old people", me, or I am just ultra,  ultra, sensitive, but, this kind of interaction, this innocence, beckons me, to the point where I wonder where, or how, this will show up for me, almost because it HAS TO!!!

There is no way, that I can feel this strongly about something and it not become some part of my life, in some capacity.

I leave all doors open, and am so grateful for the things that I so naturally love, because they always wind up becoming part of my evolution, in one way or the other.

Life is continuously changing, and if I stand still for one moment, I think I will miss all of these little gems that are right before me.

I mean, I was just on a walk! But my heart was open. My ears and eyes are passionately, spread eagle!

I want the most out of life, and I also, want to be able to give 500% of all love that flows through this being, to those who are open for it, and who appreciate it, in the most honest, pure and loving way.

To label this sort of thing can be the most disappointing thing............ yet the reality of our humanness makes it all very, very forgiving!

I am completely content tonight.

Thank you for this beautiful life!

~

I AM NOT GOING TO LIE

I have had off since Friday at 6 o'clock. I took off for a  yard sale a month in advance, and then switched with someone so that I could extend my days off. I have luxuriated in time alone, peace, quiet, no noise, no talk, and really, just nothing at all except for the things that I love doing, which you all, at this point, should know like clock work, what that all entails.

Of course this time has also been used to find, and do, and create things in my life that need some fixin up.
That goes without saying.

I think to myself, is this "Mid Life Crisis?" You know, where you are questioning everything, ( although that is my regular anyway).

You are still doing what you were doing 20 years ago, and not that it is bad, just that the soil needs to be churned, and new growth needs to happen. There is a stagnation that happens when you feel like you are in a rut, and not doing what is so passionate in your soul.

Surely I cannot make a living listening to crickets, watching fireflies, and trying to figure out the constellations and how it all  pertains to us or me. I dunno, can I?

Like tonight, I am out here, with my computer on my deck. The fireflies are just killin me. They are everywhere and I just wanna go catch some. (but not kill them and use their light as a ring on my finger, as we did as kids). Uhh, the mere thought!

All day I am writing, and plotting my next children's book, or biography, or documentary, and I feel as if I  have to squeeze every last bit of time in, before the "clock strikes 12". It saddens me so greatly to not be doing what I want to be doing.

I am not un grateful for what I have, it is just that it is not exactly where I want to be, and when I have my time off, IT IS EXACTLY AS I WISH, and there is a lovemaking that happens, and I feel free, and whole, and so darn innocent that it feels, TO ME, as if it is something right out of a story book. I want to write, write, write, out here, till the cows come home!

There are always obstacles in life, I get that, and then you map out a plan and figure out how the heck you are going to get on that road to Oz, without killing yourself, or losing yourself, and to balance all that is needed to stay clear, centered, and focused, is truly the game of life, I am guessing.

To map out, or not to map out, is the question!

Stay in the moment, or be clear in your intentions, or both......... I  have my thoughts on all of it, and then try to find the middle way, or no way.

The whole Law of Attraction is real to me, and then  I have my moments. What is most real, these days, is staying so precisely in the moment and not thinking one second after that, and surrendering to what IS RIGHT NOW. To be so intuitive and clear on how what is being given OR as to what you are attracting, is homework times 10 and to be that much more clear on how to uncover or discover what the next plan of action is, is really a full time job, in and of itself.

I mean, y'all might not want to know all of this, and you go to work, feel semi fine, you guess, and go home, eat whatever you feel like, watch TV and you are all set until you fall asleep in front of the TV, wake up the next day and go.............. Wow, I musta been tired!

God, I can't sleep at night.

I am so afraid I will miss something great!

Nowadays, I don't think I will miss that much, only because of how I spend my days off. But, to me, that is only 2 days in a row, if that, and with what life gives you to do, it ain't that much to spread out all of the loves, the wants, the desires, and the time to be doing nothing but visiting yourself, raw, untainted, and available for some  higher Truth to set it.

God forbid you throw a lover in there to spend your time with............. how does it all balance and what is TRULY IMPORTANT TO YOU?

Everyone is different.

Every ones priorities, every ones loves, likes, dislikes, and preferences.

Someone said to me the other day..... "How can you stand to be alone, everyday, every night, and not watch TV? I haven't watched TV in almost 2 years.

I honestly could not imagine where I would find the time to watch TV??!!

I guess it is a matter of prioritizing.

Think about it. You spend how many days, nights, and hours at work. Isn't there any time that you want without noise, to be able to hear, and smell the earth? To be able to touch it? Grasp it in it's entirety? And for me, to then, be able to write about it?

People? To observe them and objectively love them for who they are, and then, (for me) have that precious time to write about it?)

This isn't about being old school, or being a "hippie" as everyone calls me. It's about being ALIVE!!
BEING OPEN TO THE ORGANIC SETTING THAT WE HAVE SO GRACIOUSLY BEEN GIVEN.

I always tell my friends, "Just come with me for a weekend"...............

It's not ME wanting to show you or teach you something, it is about coming more alive to the surroundings that have been around you for 20 ,30 or even 40 years now.

We have so much to be grateful for, to forget about our problems, intolerance's, misfortunes, and things that have happened to us.

There is always a bigger picture to look at, whether it be someone less fortunate, that wishes they were us, even in our lowest state, or things that are happening "to us" that don't make any sense, or seemingly not "fair". If we don't take the time to listen, we won't ever really know...............will we?

We'll just go on asking others what they think and why???

Time alone is good, and rewarding, and sets you assail, back to yourself, where all answers lye.

Do I want to go back to work??

NO!

Will I have to?

YES!

I carry my Truth with me, and hope no one "steals that bag".

Move forward in your Truth, and never compromise!!

Always head toward what equals True and Right, inside.

Let your being FLY!

~

COME.......

..put your head
on my chest
and speak
your thoughts.

Don't edit.
It's just me.
I care
only
that
you
are
comforted
and
safe!

Are
you
hungry?

What
can
I
make
for
you?

Are you
cold?

Can I get you
a
blanket?

What is
tonights
dilema?

How can we
dissipate it?

Talk to me
of
your
fears.

I am here!

Don't try
to
be
strong.

That is
why
I
am
here!

Let go
of
the
slack.

Let me
take
some!

It is
much
easier
when
it is
YOU
and
not
ME!

Let me
lift
your
spirits
and
let you know
what I have
grown
to
know.

That
love
really does
carry us!

If it means
you getting
to
rock
bottom
than
so
shall
it
be!

I celebrate
your
awareness
not your
sorrow.

I want
you
to know
inside
that
no matter
the circumstance
that
I
am
here
for
you!

If I can
type these
letters
and you
read
inbetween
the lines
and
feel
my blanket
of
love
for you
than all
will
be
well.
It
will be
well
anyway.

The crickets
are singing
the moon is
shining on
the water
and fireflies
are ramped
and
making me
giggle!

Where are you?

You seem so
far
away
yet
oh
so
close
in
my
heart!
~

HOW FUNNY IT ALL IS.......

Well, I have had several issues these last few weeks with any kind of communicado. Phone, computer, blog, you name it............you'd think Mercury was in Retrograde, but I have a funny feeling, it wasn't.

I haven't been able to write on my blog for reasons unknown, although I think that problem is fixed, tonight.

I thought the problem was fixed last night, and I went ahead and wrote an entire long, passionate blog, and as I moved  my fingers toward the Publish Post, all went blank, and all that was left on my screen was an R.....and an E.......... the rest of my blog had disappeared into the ether's. I have no idea where it went to, and several people have tried to help me find it, but........... again, like a woman taking her car to a mechanic, you have to trust the people that are in charge of this kinda stuff, pay your money, and hope they didn't scam you to death.

Just in case, this gets deleted, I am only writing a short little note, ( my short......anyway), to let you all know that, whether or not  you read this, it does happen to be the highlight of my days, and I never really think......"Who is going to read this?" I write and send.

There are tons of things happening, at least in my head anyway, maybe not so much on the outside, but things, nevertheless, that I would love to share, but I am not feeling so sure about my computer and how this will even be sent, or not sent tonight, so I am going to leave you with this much.

It doesn't take much to make me happy. I am pretty simple. This blog makes me happy, my dogs make me happy, and hmmmmm..............a few more goodies, but I'll save them for another blog.

I'm pretty darn grateful for my days and moments.

There are people that I miss, greatly, and hopefully they will be in  my life again soon............ if not, I learn to chalk things up as, IT WAS WHAT IT WAS, AND THEN MOVE ON.  Always a hard one! Uhh, kind of a big one!

There are so many nuances, so many stories, and moments to share.

Let's just see if this actually makes it to you, untainted. If it does, we'll both hopefully look forward to another blog, about what, we don't know.

Thank you for supporting me, my writings and my journey.

I feel completely blessed..............I really do!

For those of you who I have not seen in quite some time, know that you are missed tremendously, and that I think of you daily............... wishing you were in my life just a bit more.

Enjoy this cricket filled, star lit, windy, warm, beautiful night.

I better get to bed, it is an unusualy early morning for me. I'm so used to nights.............. tomorrow, I'm a day girl.

Love to you all,

Hope this makes it's way to you................

Love,
Gabriela

LOVE...

IS

MY

RELIGION!

ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN.......

If you honestly

want

it

to.

When

there

is

determination

there

are

ALWAYS

ALWAYS

results.

If something

isn't

working

it

just may

mean

Plan A

was

boring

and

plan B

might be

where

the

real

goods

are!

Jump

from

A

to

B.

It's worth

the risk!

BUTTERFLILES, CATAPILLARS, AND SNAKES...OH MY!

Today I headed out for a long, long walk. I woke up a little anxiety ridden, thinking I NEED to do this, and I NEED to do that.

My mind started whirling in thought with all of the should, the shouldn't's and what needs to happen, as opposed to WHAT IS!

I said to myself, "I'm going to have my coffee, love on my babies, and let the day unfold."

Really, all I wanted to do was sit quietly. Usually, then, information, answers, or anything else that I may need to know, comes to me, and I forge on in my day, with surprising information, or guidance that I would have never come up with.

I really do listen. It's no New Age gimmick!! If you truly allow yourself to listen to what is happening in every moment, life, and a sort of guidance, comes along and whispers hints, or clues, or damn near blatant information about what to do in your next moments...... I gotta say though, if you are not listening, truly listening, it will be a big frigin mess and will probably sound and feel all convoluted, and you will be confused or depressed, or both, and the simple stuff that is available at all times, will not be heard because maybe you are too busy trying to fix, or plan, or conjure up a way to make your life just the way you think it should be.

I don't know, that may be the way for you. Really, it may, and it may work, who is to say, really!?

That does not work for me!!

I really believe life is an individual road. What works for me, may not necessarily work for you and visa versa.

I have learned to make plans, and look ahead to sketch something out that I may want, and it is useful, super useful, but my throw in there, is well, I will plan, but I certainly am not going to be attached to any outcome. Why would I set myself up like that? Life doesn't guarantee ANYTHING!  If you think it does, than.....well.......... you think it does.

I don't think life offers anything for sure!

I think our intentions are great, and our aspirations, desires, and plans are just as we want them, but for me, once I let the word out, as far as what I want, I release it, with great hopes, but also know, it may not happen, and someone out there, The Universe, God, or whatever you may deem your Source of love, may, just may, have some different plan for you, or me, and truly, I am up for that. It can seem a bit perplexing, and hard to grab a hold of, but once you get the hang of how it all works, you sort have a little love making session going on, where you give a little, and get a little, and you have to be sensitive to what the Universe is offering, and too, be sensitive to what you want, and meet somewhere in the middle. Of course, remembering what you have asked for along the way, incase you have forgotten, would help you out, but know, is real easy to forget in this chess game!

Well, with all of that, I started out on my walk. I usually take the dogs, but I was going to the store, and knew I would have a back pack full, and really,  just wanted to revel in the day, the weather, and being alone on my day off.

I did start out with thinking like crazy, but as my walk progressed, I became so child like. Honestly, to no surprise, AT ALL!

I got maybe 3 minutes into my walk and after hearing my thoughts, and how boring they were, I naturally melted into my surroundings, and found myself getting my phone out to take pictures of what was before me.

My first stop was a bright red caterpillar. I was so bummed my Iphone wouldn't pick it up clearly. I watched him for a long time. So, so cool, different looking and just plain mesmerizing to me. I left him and then I came upon my sweet horses and donkeys that are right down the road, that I love to see on a daily basis. They make me laugh, and when the dogs are with me, they truly have their own language that makes me stand there in total AWE, watching the interaction between species. Animals really do have a language of their own. It is a seperate, yet extremely important topic of discussion for me. More for another blog.

I know this sounds so corny and whatever-ish, but I came upon so many things that took me to another place and time. I'm gonna name them, cuz I want to, and because it made me so darn excited, more than any, any, any thing, in such a long time!! I saw an amazing butterfly............ it was sucking juice out of a beautiful purple flower. I tried to take a picture but no bueno. I had 10 minutes of sheet amazement. Colors, movements, fragility, and just nature, before me, talking to me.

I saw two snakes. One really colorful, like a salt water fish, but a snake. Again, so mad my  camera on my Iphone wasn't working. Argh!  The other snake was cool, but I don't know what kind, but real different looking and interesting. Didn't look harmful. Then, major cardinals along the way. I mean, I literally was singing to them, and darn if I could remember the tune that, last month, we had down, together, doing this dance that we did, with how they call, and then I repeated it. Oh, well. I tried, but it wasn't the same.

Tons of Road Runners.

Have you ever REALLY watched a Road Runner? And no, I am not talking about the Looney Tunes Road Runner, although, it is pretty hysterical, the correlation.

They are completely spotted, at least this one, who hangs out regularly as if I had Espresso and Croissants  for him every morning.

They have a certain call too. They almost sound like Woodpeckers, but a tad bit different.

I started to feel like a baby, I swear. I was so child like, started skipping and was wondering what was next.

Along the wires above me were birds that were so interesting, I could've stood there for days. I saw different tails, different noises, and movements, but knew they were specific for that type of breed. Next time I bring my binoculars and recorder.

Rabbits were jumping out of the bushes, little babies........... and although I didn't see this guy, there was a deer behind the bushes, making a sound that I know, Oh, so well, and I stood there listening to his....... whatever you call it, his call, his .........well, I don't know what to call it............

A total wonderment ..........

For someone who has very little time off, the time I want to spend, is in...........Nature! It keeps me fresh, alive, innocent, and grateful for simplicity. For the gems that you cannot buy, you cannot succeed to get this kind of stuff......you don't need a degree to be grateful for life, in it's raw state.

My very thoughts were, "Nature, in it's own right, deflects Fear!"

I went from wondering how I was going to figure this out, or that out, how this was going to happen, or that, and it all drifted away, and the REAL REALITY came forth, which, made it easier and more digestible to understand the ABC's of what we need, or have to do, on a daily basis, to live, and be responsible, and privy to what is going on.

When you see things from an objective place, and a real place, it makes it so much easier to move forward and do what you need to do, to move ahead. Nothing really changes, just your perspective.

So much more can happen, and be accomplished, if there is objectivity, and a lightness in it.

Hay, I have tons of things happening in my life, and if it weren't for my days like this, I would probably believe the bogus thoughts that my head drums up.

It is all a bunch of crap!

We deserve precious moments like this! We are so totally innocent and no different than the butterfly, the caterpillar, the cardinal, or the snake, donkey or horse!

My walk really was intoxicating! I dunno, I'm weird like this.

I am so particular with what happens on my days off.

There aren't many hours, and the hours that ARE available are spent with what I love most.

This is one! And.......on top of the list!

Animals.........Nature...............Silence..................

I'm good..........so good!

Grilled some good food.........

I'm ok..............

Life is simple and good!

I JUST WANT TO

...rest

in

the

arms

of

love.

IT'S BEEN AWHILE...

I feel like it has been so long since I have actually written.


For some reason I haven't been able to post things on my blog so I have written, somewhat, but not in the way that I like to. I laugh, because some people have said, "Oh, I love it, it is just short and sweet". Some like the long and thought out, some like the short and sweet. Best of both worlds I guess, so I have had a friend post most of my things for me until the problem gets resolved, whatever that may be.


It seems as if any line of communication has failed recently, whether it be at work, computer, or even phone service.


You would think that Mercury was in Retrograde.


It's not!


I think my life has truly come down to the most bare, bare, bones, and someone out there is wanting to see what I am made of!


I kid you not!


It certainly is a ride, and I almost don't want to write any of this, since I feel not much has changed, outwardly, in a very long time.


Inwardly, I have run marathon, after marathon, with every learning curve you can think of, and then some......... have Surrendered ideas, expectations, grappled with why I know my intuition is always right on, as opposed to what "seems to be", and have had to get a grip on what is real, and true for me!! Not anyone else.


I have ridden the train of "Ultimate Forgiveness", and kept the past, the past, and have stayed so true to the moment that I now believe ones life can be the scariest, but most freeing, tight rope walk there is!


To be honest, those feelings are conflicting now and again, but for the most part, my heart and soul sing of the moment. This very moment!


It doesn't mean that times aren't hard, and trying, and you feel as if things won't get better, but I am learning so whole hearted that even if times DON'T GET BETTER, I CAN ONLY GET BETTER WITH MANAGING TO DEAL WITH THESE THINGS in a conscious manner. One that is forgiving, compassionate, loving toward myself, and others who have maybe played a part in "making my life a certain way", and be done with it.


It can be as short as, IT IS WHAT IT IS, and then you release that, and allow the smaller moments to take over, and become MORE of your reality, rather than the things that tug at your heart, or mind, and there you are again on the mind train that takes you nowhere, but to MORE thinking, MORE heartache, MORE wondering why and how, and why me stuff.


NO! NO.........AND.................NO!


My life reminds me of when I started rock climbing back when I lived in California.


I was so afraid to climb those HUGE mountains and cliffs. My boyfriend at the time was a professional rock climber, and so every weekend we would go to the best places. Joshua Tree.........OH MY GOD............ words cannot express how gorgeous this place was.


So I had never rock climbed before. When he would teach me what I needed to know about the "climb" it would put me into a tail spin because the very same "rules" that applied to rock climbing were the very same "rules" that I had adopted for myself to live by, as a conscious individual, who was yearning to be free of fear, of limits, and of ideas on how to live, or what to be, and for whom.


When you climb it is all about what is right in front of you. The moment cannot escape you because you literally are face to face with reality, in front of your nose, that rock, and every last move you make has to be a conscious decision, and to be made with such precision. If you look down, to the right, or to the left, you basically become so fear ridden that you feel a paralysis and you cannot move. Not up, not down, just stuck where you are in that moment.


When you are drenched in the moment, there is only the reality of looking at what is in front of you, and glancing at where you are headed, and then right back to focusing on what is in front of you, and what steps are needed to get from point A to point B. The rest really takes care of itself, but the bare Truth is........ that living like this, (if you are not used to it) can seem more stressful than anything else.


We are not taught to stay in the moment. We are taught to plan, and to be secure, and to know what your life plan is.


To be that exact, in the moment, is almost a sort of death to that persona that HAS TO LIVE BY A PLAN, or SOMETHING............ANYTHING..........to go by........... something that will give you a direction, rather than not knowing, and trusting!


I became so in love with Rock Climbing, as it showed me how exquisite, and alive it is, to be free of fear, and to just surrender to the moments that are in your life, whether you are on a cliff, a rock, or sitting in your house, wondering what the hell you are going to do for the rest of your life, let alone, the next year, or month, or even days.


We really don't need to question it at all.


I know that sounds crazy, but when you start to see the glory in what those "moments" bring, you almost CANNOT RETURN to any other way of thinking.


You are not "checked out", you are not in "la la land", and you are not just some free flowin "hippie" who acts like a 60's throw back.


You, in fact, are right on the money, and will probably get more out of life than anyone with so many plans and ideas, that they squelch any sort of surprise, or loveliness that comes with being that PRECISE in their daily living and decisions to FEEL and ACT............in love!


Don't expect, that if you decide to turn a new leaf, that there will be bleachers of people yelling your name in total support of your life. It isn't that way!!! Trust me! You may get a few strays who are hanging along the side lines, but really, bleachers are not part of the "rock climb", nor will there be a team of cheerleaders with pom poms. Go to Net Flix for that........seriously............... probably in the "bad movie section".


The rock climb is an individual experience, and if you have never done it, gear up, and at least get a clue on what may or may not happen. No one likes culture shock!! I know I don't!!




Like I said, "It has been awhile", and for someone that is so used to expressing herself, somehow that has become few and far between with not a lot of spare time, and well, the list of reasons go on.


It always feels good to let go of emotion, whatever it may be, to express what it is that is tugging at you, OR making you feel so whole you can barely stand it.


Life is so full of opportunity to grow, and expand outside of ourselves. I know it may hurt to stretch ourselves, but man, it does make us whole, and wise, and smart, and privy to what "IS", as opposed to what "What seems to be".


I don't know how people do it.......the ones with families, the ones with successful careers, and who have all of their time tied up.


I have a full time job, 4 dogs a cat! To do the "work" that needs to be done, in order to maintain a healthy perspective is overwhelming, and you wonder how you can either save on sleep, or cram more hours into your day, JUST TO KEEP UP, and keep with it all..........to not lose yourself in a world, or time, that doesn't throw out safety nets too easily............... is like a freakin man hunt................no lie!!


Which, I guess can be good, if you have a drive, and a passion, to KNOW...............really know!!!


Hay, I'll be honest, I go in and out.............. but for the most part, truly, I do know that THIS VERY MOMENT IS ALL I HAVE............... and I am curtailing my life to this realization. It may not be easy, and it does take an extreme amount of focus, amongst all else that calls our attention, but it really is worth the time, to cut to the chase............to really understand, who we are, outside of the looks, the title, the job, and any other association that you, or anyone else has, of You!


There is so much more, to us.............so much that it captivates me on a daily basis, and makes me yearn to get closer and closer to what that may mean in my life.


God, I'm coming out of my skin, it is such a turn on to know that we have so many ways to get to "US", AND TO SHARE "US", and to be able to use 'US" in worthwhile ways, that have nothing to do with anything that we are doing, now, everyday............in our mundane lives!


It is something so different................. so quenching................. so damn intoxicating I can barely stand it!


Thank you, to every last soul that teaches me about LOVE, and about LIFE, and how to love THAT MUCH MORE, no matter the circumstance.


I am perplexed, intrigued, and ultimately passionate, to understand all that transpires within the human psyche and heart.


It is a process. One that will never grow old to me.


I am forever indebted to any and all things that make me dig deeper!


Gabriela

LISTEN CAREFULLY

WHEN PEOPLE

SHOW

YOU

WHO

THEY

ARE

BELIEVE THEM!!