I have had off since Friday at 6 o'clock. I took off for a yard sale a month in advance, and then switched with someone so that I could extend my days off. I have luxuriated in time alone, peace, quiet, no noise, no talk, and really, just nothing at all except for the things that I love doing, which you all, at this point, should know like clock work, what that all entails.
Of course this time has also been used to find, and do, and create things in my life that need some fixin up.
That goes without saying.
I think to myself, is this "Mid Life Crisis?" You know, where you are questioning everything, ( although that is my regular anyway).
You are still doing what you were doing 20 years ago, and not that it is bad, just that the soil needs to be churned, and new growth needs to happen. There is a stagnation that happens when you feel like you are in a rut, and not doing what is so passionate in your soul.
Surely I cannot make a living listening to crickets, watching fireflies, and trying to figure out the constellations and how it all pertains to us or me. I dunno, can I?
Like tonight, I am out here, with my computer on my deck. The fireflies are just killin me. They are everywhere and I just wanna go catch some. (but not kill them and use their light as a ring on my finger, as we did as kids). Uhh, the mere thought!
All day I am writing, and plotting my next children's book, or biography, or documentary, and I feel as if I have to squeeze every last bit of time in, before the "clock strikes 12". It saddens me so greatly to not be doing what I want to be doing.
I am not un grateful for what I have, it is just that it is not exactly where I want to be, and when I have my time off, IT IS EXACTLY AS I WISH, and there is a lovemaking that happens, and I feel free, and whole, and so darn innocent that it feels, TO ME, as if it is something right out of a story book. I want to write, write, write, out here, till the cows come home!
There are always obstacles in life, I get that, and then you map out a plan and figure out how the heck you are going to get on that road to Oz, without killing yourself, or losing yourself, and to balance all that is needed to stay clear, centered, and focused, is truly the game of life, I am guessing.
To map out, or not to map out, is the question!
Stay in the moment, or be clear in your intentions, or both......... I have my thoughts on all of it, and then try to find the middle way, or no way.
The whole Law of Attraction is real to me, and then I have my moments. What is most real, these days, is staying so precisely in the moment and not thinking one second after that, and surrendering to what IS RIGHT NOW. To be so intuitive and clear on how what is being given OR as to what you are attracting, is homework times 10 and to be that much more clear on how to uncover or discover what the next plan of action is, is really a full time job, in and of itself.
I mean, y'all might not want to know all of this, and you go to work, feel semi fine, you guess, and go home, eat whatever you feel like, watch TV and you are all set until you fall asleep in front of the TV, wake up the next day and go.............. Wow, I musta been tired!
God, I can't sleep at night.
I am so afraid I will miss something great!
Nowadays, I don't think I will miss that much, only because of how I spend my days off. But, to me, that is only 2 days in a row, if that, and with what life gives you to do, it ain't that much to spread out all of the loves, the wants, the desires, and the time to be doing nothing but visiting yourself, raw, untainted, and available for some higher Truth to set it.
God forbid you throw a lover in there to spend your time with............. how does it all balance and what is TRULY IMPORTANT TO YOU?
Everyone is different.
Every ones priorities, every ones loves, likes, dislikes, and preferences.
Someone said to me the other day..... "How can you stand to be alone, everyday, every night, and not watch TV? I haven't watched TV in almost 2 years.
I honestly could not imagine where I would find the time to watch TV??!!
I guess it is a matter of prioritizing.
Think about it. You spend how many days, nights, and hours at work. Isn't there any time that you want without noise, to be able to hear, and smell the earth? To be able to touch it? Grasp it in it's entirety? And for me, to then, be able to write about it?
People? To observe them and objectively love them for who they are, and then, (for me) have that precious time to write about it?)
This isn't about being old school, or being a "hippie" as everyone calls me. It's about being ALIVE!!
BEING OPEN TO THE ORGANIC SETTING THAT WE HAVE SO GRACIOUSLY BEEN GIVEN.
I always tell my friends, "Just come with me for a weekend"...............
It's not ME wanting to show you or teach you something, it is about coming more alive to the surroundings that have been around you for 20 ,30 or even 40 years now.
We have so much to be grateful for, to forget about our problems, intolerance's, misfortunes, and things that have happened to us.
There is always a bigger picture to look at, whether it be someone less fortunate, that wishes they were us, even in our lowest state, or things that are happening "to us" that don't make any sense, or seemingly not "fair". If we don't take the time to listen, we won't ever really know...............will we?
We'll just go on asking others what they think and why???
Time alone is good, and rewarding, and sets you assail, back to yourself, where all answers lye.
Do I want to go back to work??
NO!
Will I have to?
YES!
I carry my Truth with me, and hope no one "steals that bag".
Move forward in your Truth, and never compromise!!
Always head toward what equals True and Right, inside.
Let your being FLY!
~
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