I don't think I would ever really profess that living in awareness is easy........ever......really........unless you really get the swing of it down, and you are really concentrating on energy spent, energy taken in, what foods affect your moods, how much sleep makes you this way or that way, how your old patterns creep in and without you looking, take you away on some magic carpet ride, and you didn't even notice....to then say.......woa........where was I just then........and be able to reign yourself in to a good place, that is not this way or that way, but plainly living with WHAT IS, and responding with a love, and an acceptance, for things, and yourself, and to act accordingly, as purely as could be.
I honestly don't know how people do it with kids, husbands, wives, big careers, and such. I have a full time job, 5 animals and myself............. Full to capacity............. and maybe that is just for now, but man........... I guess the way I like things, it is good just the way it is, so that I do get a groove on, without someone, and to find what it is that makes me tick, that makes me motivated, and what makes me feel most alive, without wanting that from someone or something else.
I don't really crave someone or something much at all. I get my little spurts here and there, and often think of someone special, but in my everyday living, I am not missing anything that makes me feel incomplete, at all!
If it were to be that, it would be that of wanting to write all day long, from home, and maybe venturing out to help some old lady, or old man, who is craving enthusiasm, a fun workout, or maybe a walk in the park to watch the ducks swim by, or to go to the store to pick out their favorite foods, for me to go home and make them whatever it is they crave.
That would be my desire...........to see someone happy because of something I so naturally love to do.......which is nothing other than love.........in a few different forms or fashions. It really is no big deal, but I do know how to do some things, and it just so happens that some people really dig that, and.........need that!
I was on my run the other night, and happened upon an old man, who lives right down the road, but I have never actually seen him. His house is unbelievable, huge, Tuscan style Villa on the water, statues everywhere, landscaping to die for......and every time I go running, or take the dogs on their walk, we go past and the dogs cannot help but to go up to the gate, that is camera laden and security out the wazoo. I go up anyway, of course, and think, ahhh, so what, if they see me on camera, they'll see my pups and not care, which is true. We are just acknowledging the beauty, or in the dogs case, wondering what the hell those statues are of animals..........
I finally, after a year, got to meet the owner, and what a sweet, sweet interaction. I dunno.......Texans have grown on me, and I like their way, and they like me......... I sometimes feel funny, ya know. There I am, standing in front of an old school Texas boy, ( probably in his 70's) with my IPhone playing Classic Rock, or Reggae, running shorts, a tank top, and a big fat bandanna around my ankle, and some pretty large tattoos swingin in the wind. I always do wonder what those thoughts are whirling around in peoples heads when they see "me", Gabriela, with a tattoo or two. It is always interesting.
Nevertheless, we hit it off, and yes, he is an old man, not dying or anything........... but old......er I should say.
We covered every subject that we could in the span of time we had, and when I was about to leave he so humbly shook my hand and said what an honor it was to have met me. It was so cool. Cuz he meant it, and I didn't take it as anything but a respectful and humble comment, which is rare, and the thing was, I felt the same, same way!
There is something about old people, the wisdom in their voice, the wisdom in the coloring on their face, the damage from the sun on their neck, although that is always a great thing to me, as it looks as if they were hard working, and not self conscious enough to care, but were doing some good deed out in mother nature.
Well, that day, I had three more dogs to run, and three more times, we met up, and had the most innocent interactions.
He told me he was going back to Sugar Land to get his wife who just had surgery, and would be there for a few weeks, but would love for me to come have a glass of wine, and chat some more. He was interested in a few services that I provide, and said his wife would be needing some things as well. I kind of shrugged. In the moment all I cared about was our interaction, but I did think, there is always a reason for everything.
I knew he was leaving tomorrow to attend to his wife, so on my run tonight, I left a baseball cap that I thought he would like, since he wears them regularly, and a small bag of nurturing soaps and teas that his wife could use after surgery.............a little Lavender and Chamomile will always soothe the nerves, I don't care what anyone says!
After I got home, I had to meet someone who was looking at a piece of furniture I had for sale, and so, my time with John sort of faded for a while, but has crept back now, and has me feeling pretty awesome!
I don't know if it is "old people", me, or I am just ultra, ultra, sensitive, but, this kind of interaction, this innocence, beckons me, to the point where I wonder where, or how, this will show up for me, almost because it HAS TO!!!
There is no way, that I can feel this strongly about something and it not become some part of my life, in some capacity.
I leave all doors open, and am so grateful for the things that I so naturally love, because they always wind up becoming part of my evolution, in one way or the other.
Life is continuously changing, and if I stand still for one moment, I think I will miss all of these little gems that are right before me.
I mean, I was just on a walk! But my heart was open. My ears and eyes are passionately, spread eagle!
I want the most out of life, and I also, want to be able to give 500% of all love that flows through this being, to those who are open for it, and who appreciate it, in the most honest, pure and loving way.
To label this sort of thing can be the most disappointing thing............ yet the reality of our humanness makes it all very, very forgiving!
I am completely content tonight.
Thank you for this beautiful life!
~
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