IT'S BEEN AWHILE...

I feel like it has been so long since I have actually written.


For some reason I haven't been able to post things on my blog so I have written, somewhat, but not in the way that I like to. I laugh, because some people have said, "Oh, I love it, it is just short and sweet". Some like the long and thought out, some like the short and sweet. Best of both worlds I guess, so I have had a friend post most of my things for me until the problem gets resolved, whatever that may be.


It seems as if any line of communication has failed recently, whether it be at work, computer, or even phone service.


You would think that Mercury was in Retrograde.


It's not!


I think my life has truly come down to the most bare, bare, bones, and someone out there is wanting to see what I am made of!


I kid you not!


It certainly is a ride, and I almost don't want to write any of this, since I feel not much has changed, outwardly, in a very long time.


Inwardly, I have run marathon, after marathon, with every learning curve you can think of, and then some......... have Surrendered ideas, expectations, grappled with why I know my intuition is always right on, as opposed to what "seems to be", and have had to get a grip on what is real, and true for me!! Not anyone else.


I have ridden the train of "Ultimate Forgiveness", and kept the past, the past, and have stayed so true to the moment that I now believe ones life can be the scariest, but most freeing, tight rope walk there is!


To be honest, those feelings are conflicting now and again, but for the most part, my heart and soul sing of the moment. This very moment!


It doesn't mean that times aren't hard, and trying, and you feel as if things won't get better, but I am learning so whole hearted that even if times DON'T GET BETTER, I CAN ONLY GET BETTER WITH MANAGING TO DEAL WITH THESE THINGS in a conscious manner. One that is forgiving, compassionate, loving toward myself, and others who have maybe played a part in "making my life a certain way", and be done with it.


It can be as short as, IT IS WHAT IT IS, and then you release that, and allow the smaller moments to take over, and become MORE of your reality, rather than the things that tug at your heart, or mind, and there you are again on the mind train that takes you nowhere, but to MORE thinking, MORE heartache, MORE wondering why and how, and why me stuff.


NO! NO.........AND.................NO!


My life reminds me of when I started rock climbing back when I lived in California.


I was so afraid to climb those HUGE mountains and cliffs. My boyfriend at the time was a professional rock climber, and so every weekend we would go to the best places. Joshua Tree.........OH MY GOD............ words cannot express how gorgeous this place was.


So I had never rock climbed before. When he would teach me what I needed to know about the "climb" it would put me into a tail spin because the very same "rules" that applied to rock climbing were the very same "rules" that I had adopted for myself to live by, as a conscious individual, who was yearning to be free of fear, of limits, and of ideas on how to live, or what to be, and for whom.


When you climb it is all about what is right in front of you. The moment cannot escape you because you literally are face to face with reality, in front of your nose, that rock, and every last move you make has to be a conscious decision, and to be made with such precision. If you look down, to the right, or to the left, you basically become so fear ridden that you feel a paralysis and you cannot move. Not up, not down, just stuck where you are in that moment.


When you are drenched in the moment, there is only the reality of looking at what is in front of you, and glancing at where you are headed, and then right back to focusing on what is in front of you, and what steps are needed to get from point A to point B. The rest really takes care of itself, but the bare Truth is........ that living like this, (if you are not used to it) can seem more stressful than anything else.


We are not taught to stay in the moment. We are taught to plan, and to be secure, and to know what your life plan is.


To be that exact, in the moment, is almost a sort of death to that persona that HAS TO LIVE BY A PLAN, or SOMETHING............ANYTHING..........to go by........... something that will give you a direction, rather than not knowing, and trusting!


I became so in love with Rock Climbing, as it showed me how exquisite, and alive it is, to be free of fear, and to just surrender to the moments that are in your life, whether you are on a cliff, a rock, or sitting in your house, wondering what the hell you are going to do for the rest of your life, let alone, the next year, or month, or even days.


We really don't need to question it at all.


I know that sounds crazy, but when you start to see the glory in what those "moments" bring, you almost CANNOT RETURN to any other way of thinking.


You are not "checked out", you are not in "la la land", and you are not just some free flowin "hippie" who acts like a 60's throw back.


You, in fact, are right on the money, and will probably get more out of life than anyone with so many plans and ideas, that they squelch any sort of surprise, or loveliness that comes with being that PRECISE in their daily living and decisions to FEEL and ACT............in love!


Don't expect, that if you decide to turn a new leaf, that there will be bleachers of people yelling your name in total support of your life. It isn't that way!!! Trust me! You may get a few strays who are hanging along the side lines, but really, bleachers are not part of the "rock climb", nor will there be a team of cheerleaders with pom poms. Go to Net Flix for that........seriously............... probably in the "bad movie section".


The rock climb is an individual experience, and if you have never done it, gear up, and at least get a clue on what may or may not happen. No one likes culture shock!! I know I don't!!




Like I said, "It has been awhile", and for someone that is so used to expressing herself, somehow that has become few and far between with not a lot of spare time, and well, the list of reasons go on.


It always feels good to let go of emotion, whatever it may be, to express what it is that is tugging at you, OR making you feel so whole you can barely stand it.


Life is so full of opportunity to grow, and expand outside of ourselves. I know it may hurt to stretch ourselves, but man, it does make us whole, and wise, and smart, and privy to what "IS", as opposed to what "What seems to be".


I don't know how people do it.......the ones with families, the ones with successful careers, and who have all of their time tied up.


I have a full time job, 4 dogs a cat! To do the "work" that needs to be done, in order to maintain a healthy perspective is overwhelming, and you wonder how you can either save on sleep, or cram more hours into your day, JUST TO KEEP UP, and keep with it all..........to not lose yourself in a world, or time, that doesn't throw out safety nets too easily............... is like a freakin man hunt................no lie!!


Which, I guess can be good, if you have a drive, and a passion, to KNOW...............really know!!!


Hay, I'll be honest, I go in and out.............. but for the most part, truly, I do know that THIS VERY MOMENT IS ALL I HAVE............... and I am curtailing my life to this realization. It may not be easy, and it does take an extreme amount of focus, amongst all else that calls our attention, but it really is worth the time, to cut to the chase............to really understand, who we are, outside of the looks, the title, the job, and any other association that you, or anyone else has, of You!


There is so much more, to us.............so much that it captivates me on a daily basis, and makes me yearn to get closer and closer to what that may mean in my life.


God, I'm coming out of my skin, it is such a turn on to know that we have so many ways to get to "US", AND TO SHARE "US", and to be able to use 'US" in worthwhile ways, that have nothing to do with anything that we are doing, now, everyday............in our mundane lives!


It is something so different................. so quenching................. so damn intoxicating I can barely stand it!


Thank you, to every last soul that teaches me about LOVE, and about LIFE, and how to love THAT MUCH MORE, no matter the circumstance.


I am perplexed, intrigued, and ultimately passionate, to understand all that transpires within the human psyche and heart.


It is a process. One that will never grow old to me.


I am forever indebted to any and all things that make me dig deeper!


Gabriela