CIRCUS ACT

   I honestly don't think I can keep up with the screenplays, the circus acts, that present themselves to us. To me, the circus is to keep you intrigued and amused. Screenplays are always deep, twisted and always trying to find the answer in the story line, one which makes sense.

I guess it would make sense that I would be intrigued with life and all of the things it throws at us, but when it happens to us, staying that objective, to see the humor and the intrigue can be challenging.

I decided that rather than writing every night, I am just going to write intuitively, when the moment really strikes, and not because I think I have some obligation, although, I see writing this blog as an honor, to myself, and hopefully some of my words may inspire you, or spark something inside of you that will help you along your way.

I surely don't profess to be some kind of know it all, some prophet, or anyone, for that matter that has some answer to life's questions.

I have my own deep and amazing experiences. I also have my deep and intense emotions that take me to the moon and back...........make me go crazy with wonderment, how it all works, and how I can possibly make it all balance, consciously........... really look at my life, the workings of it all, and how I can be 100% in the way I know is  pure, and good, and clean, even if it hurts like a mo fo!

I honestly don't take any easy way outs!! If that were the case, I'd be living high in some mansion, with every goody you could think of.......... being totally taken care of............ with a bunch of expectations, wants, needs, and a compromising of my soul that I just could never bare, not for one second.............. in my precious life!

There are people left and right who think I am the cats meow............ ( I'm not so bad), but that think taking care of me will do it. Big house, cars galore, dinners, nights out, nice clothes, living on the water, traveling, you name it.............

I've had luxury in that capacity, on my own, no help thank you very much! I don't need several BMW"s to label me whole! I actually had the worst back aches from my little BMW Z3. Could care less. I actually loved my Ford Sport truck. I hated trading that in. Shoulda coulda woulda........

You know, you go from want to want. It is a great, great lesson to go from lots to nuthin. When I say nuthin, it is just not with all of the grand luxuries, which are great, but truly not necessary.

I still love all of those luxuries, but I have come back to a humble ground where you make do, with what you have, and the beauty in that is............. WHAT WE HAVE IS SO GREAT! SIMPLE AND PERFECT. NO NEED TO ADD ANYTHING!!

Now we all have our own circumstances. My life always happens to be somewhat extreme in what it conveys to the world.

Nothing really in my outer life makes sense. Maybe for the fact that I show up at work everyday, and do what I need to do, but behind the scenes is so different, and people judge, and make comments, and really, have no idea what the hell it means to you, in your personal life. They just view it as WOW, look at that set of circumstances, and well, who gives a shit, really...........and that is the total honest Truth! People could care less............. it goes in one ear and out the other................

AKA... Circus Act!!

I  have managed to stay focused and clear in the hardest times! I know now, that yes, I am made of freakin steel! Sounds great, but that is just the outer!

The steel has to bend at some point.

I miss bending the steel.

Bending my ideas of who I am right now, what I am experiencing, and putting it all in perspective..........one that is hard to grasp, but in my heart, makes sense, and the pain of that growth, is so extra ordinary, and really something, at this point, amazingly difficult to articulate.

There are so many different levels of growth, understanding, and pieces of the puzzle to put together.

Ya know we watch these great movies, where you have to find out just what the hell is going on, and you sit for 2 or so hours, biting your nails, trying to figure out what the heck the story line is about......and at the end of the movie, more than likely, your like........ " What the F........"!

Chuckle, chuckle...........so there it is!

I do that everyday! I  haven't watched TV in over a year and a half! Why? I have my own dilemmas........and I don't say that as some downer. I say it with a fervor, and an intrigue that makes my time off from "regular life" worth while!

Why wouldn't it be just as interesting? IT'S MY LIFE!!!! HOLY CRAP!!! Can I be just as objective, interested, and passionate about the outcome as much as watching the latest thriller, or suspense film?

I am so on it!

Can I take 2 whole hours to pay attention to my own dilemmas?

Can I take 2 whole hours, with maybe one break.............ONE............. TO HURRY UP AND PEE, AND GET POPCORN........and be that motivated to get right back to my seat, to see what the hell is going on in my own life, why and what the characters are, and all of the behind the scene stuff, the whys, the how's and biting my nails till the end to find out WHY?????????????????????? WHY ON EARTH DID ALL OF THIS STUFF HAPPEN????
WHO IS TO BLAME?
WHO IS INNOCENT?

What is the end result? Who wins? What is the lesson? And where to go from now??

This, to me, is the Circus Act.

It is always moving.

Always intriguing.

And always with a story line behind it.

I want to be just as "nail biting" in my life, with my own personal story.

I want to know!! I want to know the whys, the how's, and what I can do to understand the story line more!

I don't want to be puzzled at the end of the story!

I think of my dying day, whenever that may be. Honestly, it could be soon, I really don't know that.

I want to be as close to understanding my evolution, and what I have to offer here, in this span of time, as I vie to understand the usage sheets at work, the inventory, the every bit of stuff that is seemingly just part of the program, but unequivocally, just as important as your right arm is to your left.

If you are a passionate soul............. it will be this way with everything!

I just don't want to miss out man!

If I want to be hip to anything, it is to my time here, my purpose, and how I can be of help to you!

It may all be a circus act, but there is a reason behind "Entertainment".

Call it what you want.

The bottom line is............WE NEED TO GET TO GETTIN.................

The Circus only lasts so long!

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