This morning I woke up filled with so many mundane thoughts. They traipsed in my mind, like watching a ping pong match.
I watched the worries try to take over, the fears trying to win their constant game of "chess" with me.
I managed to laugh at how hard it was for those thoughts to try to make their way into my reality.
It took just a small amount of time to relinquish my divinity, and from then on, although every fear and worry was still there, I sank into a natural reality that made so much more sense, and felt so much more clear and real to me.
I spoke to a long lost friend of mine who I used to spend tons of time with years ago.We had a lot of things in common, mostly our spirituality, why we were here, and what that meant to us.
How refreshing those days were.
People with a soul purpose.
God, how I miss that!!
He told me he had retired from his business he had for years and now was studying Theology, hoping to become a priest someday.
Well, I have to say, that out of any one thing that has come out of anybodies mouth, in the last umpteen years, this has to be one of the most refreshing and rewarding statements that literally has brought me to a very specific state of mind.......let alone the tears of joy, that washed over me, for reasons, obvious, and not!
It soared through me like a bolt of lightning and felt as if someone had grabbed my insides and literally opened me up.
I had a vacation recently.
All of the money in the world could not have given me this kind of vacation...that I had..... inside.
I barely spoke to a soul, outside of a few clients and friends who I have been helping with fitness and nutrition programs.
I find myself vying for more and more time alone, which doesn't baffle me anymore, whereas I used to think it might be unhealthy, yet when I would question it, (mostly because of outside opinions), I would say to myself, "But how can it be so bad, when it feels so good?" It is so fulfilling and allows me to tap into the depths of my being almost effortlessly.
I contemplated my entire existence here, what I thought I wanted and how I want to see the rest of my years go.
I wasn't surprised at the outcome!
From my early twenties up until my late 30's I pretty much lived a monastic life. In retrospect, there are a lot of things I would have changed, but too, tons of things that I would not have changed, not one bit, and would go back in a heart beat to be able to devote my life entirely to the service of others, to having prayer and meditation be the primary focus of my days and not be working like the rat on the wheel who needs to rob Peter to pay Paul.
It leaves such a dry and empty feeling, one that makes me feel as if I am of no help to others and that the time required to access such depths is so scarce, that it hurts me, almost, to "beg" for that time to reach my "god", so to speak.
I miss having time to cook for the homeless, hanging out with them, learning about humanity, coming up with solutions, or partial solutions, or, maybe not any, but there was that time to give, at least, or just time to access that part of myself that has creative ways to to bring about change.
Humanity is hurting!
In this sense, I feel like a Mother.
It hurts to watch such Innocence get corrupt, or tainted with anything other than what we are so graced with naturally.
To watch the destruction, on all levels, pains me, and is a constant , constant thorn in my side that I can never seem to get rid of.
I promise I am not trying to be "Super Human" and save the world. I am not one of those, honestly, but I do know what I have inside and if I can somehow be part of a small contribution to this "home" of ours~ be it with people, or the entire planet~ I want to jump in full force, before arthritis sets in, grey hair, and all other natural frailties that may "take over" these bodies.
Still, then, I know I will always have a voice~and even if that were to fall to the way side~ I'd scribble on any napkin, any scrap piece of paper with any utensil, to say my piece~ of how~ maybe... we could have done things better, or to just plain ol' share this natural love, that will never come with a handbook, just experience~and allowance.....and a forgiveness that goes unyielded!
I don't dream of a fairy tale life, nor do I dream of the perfect lover.
I dream of change, of spiritual depth, spiritual growth, and implementing what is natural and divine, and capable of transforming, not only myself, but others, and this place we call our "home".
The place we tread our feet upon, day in and day out.
I always do question how I want to "BE THE CHANGE I WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD".
Those are my sacred thoughts, and every little moment I get the chance to practice that, I do!
Yes, something close to a Monastic life appeals to me......greatly!
I haven't figured it all out yet, but I know something greater will come. It has to. I am way too drenched in it, in my "private world" now, as it is, for it not to.
It is like the sweetest candy you can imagine. The best pleasure that no money could buy... the most tender kiss...... without the "kiss"...............softer than you'd ever know!!
There is a Higher Calling, for me, at least.
It echoes off of every mountain top, every wave in the Ocean, and every tiny little blade of grass.
It is there, in every corner, showing me my compass, toward a life that is unknown, uncertain, but real....oh so real, that blindfolded, I'd be that certain, of my "whereabouts" and be content in the knowing that I don't need a book to follow, just a heart...........to...........listen!
Thank you, thank you, for this exquisite life! I am honored.............greatly!
~
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Monday, September 27, 2010
IN CELEBRATION OF OUR MOTHERS
This was actually so last minute, this blog, this title, and whatever words may appear after this sentence. I never really know what I am going to write until my fingers start typing, and usually I come up with a heading that has stuck out, or has spontaneously popped up, and then the other stuff comes.
I was just on face book and saw that a friend, actually a friend of a friend, whom I have never met, but have shared a lot of stories with, had posted something that caught my attention. It was a celebration of sorts to her mother. She was posting video clips of movies that her mother had shown her as a young child, and that had molded her as a woman today.
I watched one of the video's and it really took me in. One, since I have gotten a small little peak into this persons life, via our chats. The things she likes, the things that move her, and, she is a passionate soul, a musician, deep, introspective and has lived fully, inwardly, it seems,to sum up the very little that I know about her.
Anyway, she posted this video of a movie that her mother showed her as a child, and her post was about how this, and the movies to come, have molded her as a woman today.
I don't know this person, per say, but after watching this clip, of an old movie with Ingrid Bergman, one of my mothers favorites, I began to see the correlation, to some small extent, of this woman, who, like I said, I don't know, but somehow got, watching this video, and panning back on her posts that are so moving, so thought provoking and well........just made sense in a way that is actually kind of mysterious to me. It's odd in a way, but intuitive, and just........well.......I somehow got it.
Maybe it's like art in general. You go to an art exhibit, or opening, and you look and appreciate all that you see, but with your own depiction of what that piece was about.
That is the total beauty of art. It is there for you to make it what you want, like going to the movies. You take from it what you want. After all, it is cinema. Nothing is written in stone. To say that "this is what it is, and this was the message", is like......... NO!
You take home with you , your own personal message, and what it meant for you. And, well, if someone else had a specific meaning, than so be it, but at least you had the allowance to wonder, and play, and make it what you wanted, or needed for you. For some reason, to me, that is what it is all about. You learn about yourself through different mediums.
So, after seeing that clip, it gave way for a whole new opening of thought. It was as if I went to an art opening. It made me think of the "artist" or the person the artist was writing or painting about.
I love glimpsing into the depths of peoples thoughts about life, how they feel, why it made them feel that way, why it molded them, how it affected them, good or bad, and how it transformed them as people, growing in this age and time.
When I pan back on my life with my mother.......ahhhh, man..........she was sooooooooooo passionate about film, the theatre, acting, singing, and really watching good old fashioned movies. The ones that were "innocent" then........... the Jean Harlow's, the Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire's, the Judy Garland's, the Robert Mitchum's, the Lawrence Olivier's, the .... list is so long.
We would sit up at night on the couch. She would want Frangelico to sip on........ I would make popcorn and snuggle up to her. She always had the oldies station on. All of the old time movies that were from her time.
I would always say nooooooooooooo mom........let's watch something else, and she would tell me that someday I would thank her for making me watch these "silly movies" .
She would put them on and I would watch them, head on her lap, and her narrating, of course, so I could keep up with the story without being bored. She would tell me their names, who was who in Hollywood, and what their status was in the film world.
We shared film and the arts together.
She was a singer in NYC. The Belltones! She was active in the theatre. She then had 5 kids.
She lived her life vicariously through me with modeling, acting, writing and film.
In honor of a Face book Post, that took me back in time to watching movies with my mother, and appreciating those moments, I thank my distant friend for sharing that, and for allowing me to remember all of my tons of moments with my mother, watching movies that elated her, and kept her in her own tiny bubble of happiness, and then shared with me, the why's and how's of that happiness.
It truly is an honor to know what sparked our mothers, in all of their "down" time, the things that made them come alive, outside of their life, giving, and teaching, and forming, the lives of their children. It is a "job" that is so underated, and unappreciated.
It is one of the hardest jobs in the world!
Thank you friend, for sharing, and for sharing a part of you, and your Mother.
May we all celebrate our Mothers, and the glory of the love that is so pure, that no one else in this world will ever, ever give us.
Thanks Mom.
Gabriela
I was just on face book and saw that a friend, actually a friend of a friend, whom I have never met, but have shared a lot of stories with, had posted something that caught my attention. It was a celebration of sorts to her mother. She was posting video clips of movies that her mother had shown her as a young child, and that had molded her as a woman today.
I watched one of the video's and it really took me in. One, since I have gotten a small little peak into this persons life, via our chats. The things she likes, the things that move her, and, she is a passionate soul, a musician, deep, introspective and has lived fully, inwardly, it seems,to sum up the very little that I know about her.
Anyway, she posted this video of a movie that her mother showed her as a child, and her post was about how this, and the movies to come, have molded her as a woman today.
I don't know this person, per say, but after watching this clip, of an old movie with Ingrid Bergman, one of my mothers favorites, I began to see the correlation, to some small extent, of this woman, who, like I said, I don't know, but somehow got, watching this video, and panning back on her posts that are so moving, so thought provoking and well........just made sense in a way that is actually kind of mysterious to me. It's odd in a way, but intuitive, and just........well.......I somehow got it.
Maybe it's like art in general. You go to an art exhibit, or opening, and you look and appreciate all that you see, but with your own depiction of what that piece was about.
That is the total beauty of art. It is there for you to make it what you want, like going to the movies. You take from it what you want. After all, it is cinema. Nothing is written in stone. To say that "this is what it is, and this was the message", is like......... NO!
You take home with you , your own personal message, and what it meant for you. And, well, if someone else had a specific meaning, than so be it, but at least you had the allowance to wonder, and play, and make it what you wanted, or needed for you. For some reason, to me, that is what it is all about. You learn about yourself through different mediums.
So, after seeing that clip, it gave way for a whole new opening of thought. It was as if I went to an art opening. It made me think of the "artist" or the person the artist was writing or painting about.
I love glimpsing into the depths of peoples thoughts about life, how they feel, why it made them feel that way, why it molded them, how it affected them, good or bad, and how it transformed them as people, growing in this age and time.
When I pan back on my life with my mother.......ahhhh, man..........she was sooooooooooo passionate about film, the theatre, acting, singing, and really watching good old fashioned movies. The ones that were "innocent" then........... the Jean Harlow's, the Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire's, the Judy Garland's, the Robert Mitchum's, the Lawrence Olivier's, the .... list is so long.
We would sit up at night on the couch. She would want Frangelico to sip on........ I would make popcorn and snuggle up to her. She always had the oldies station on. All of the old time movies that were from her time.
I would always say nooooooooooooo mom........let's watch something else, and she would tell me that someday I would thank her for making me watch these "silly movies" .
She would put them on and I would watch them, head on her lap, and her narrating, of course, so I could keep up with the story without being bored. She would tell me their names, who was who in Hollywood, and what their status was in the film world.
We shared film and the arts together.
She was a singer in NYC. The Belltones! She was active in the theatre. She then had 5 kids.
She lived her life vicariously through me with modeling, acting, writing and film.
In honor of a Face book Post, that took me back in time to watching movies with my mother, and appreciating those moments, I thank my distant friend for sharing that, and for allowing me to remember all of my tons of moments with my mother, watching movies that elated her, and kept her in her own tiny bubble of happiness, and then shared with me, the why's and how's of that happiness.
It truly is an honor to know what sparked our mothers, in all of their "down" time, the things that made them come alive, outside of their life, giving, and teaching, and forming, the lives of their children. It is a "job" that is so underated, and unappreciated.
It is one of the hardest jobs in the world!
Thank you friend, for sharing, and for sharing a part of you, and your Mother.
May we all celebrate our Mothers, and the glory of the love that is so pure, that no one else in this world will ever, ever give us.
Thanks Mom.
Gabriela
Friday, September 24, 2010
ALL I KNOW......
.....Is that my days are short. I want them to consist of the things that I absolutely love, the things that make me bubble up inside because they are the things that run deep in my heart. What I also know is that those things are the very things that actually make other people happy as well.
When I think of all of the things I love doing, it always involves making someone smile, someone happy, someone look on the brighter side of things, someone to help, to change in a good way, if it is possible that something I do comes easy enough where it doesn't for them.
In doing those things, it makes my life seem like there is no "work" to it at all, just a continuation of my beating heart that is so passionate for the very core of this life.
There are so many things to adore, to appreciate, to give, to share, and to do with such a love that everyone involved is singing to the beat of their own beautiful heart.
I hope you all have an amazing day! I am!
Love,
Gabriela
P.S. SING! SING! JUST SING! And everything will fall into place, I promise you that!
When I think of all of the things I love doing, it always involves making someone smile, someone happy, someone look on the brighter side of things, someone to help, to change in a good way, if it is possible that something I do comes easy enough where it doesn't for them.
In doing those things, it makes my life seem like there is no "work" to it at all, just a continuation of my beating heart that is so passionate for the very core of this life.
There are so many things to adore, to appreciate, to give, to share, and to do with such a love that everyone involved is singing to the beat of their own beautiful heart.
I hope you all have an amazing day! I am!
Love,
Gabriela
P.S. SING! SING! JUST SING! And everything will fall into place, I promise you that!
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
NINE DAYS OF NOTHIN'
Well, I am sad to say, that this is the last day of my vacation. The word "vacation" seems a little strange, because people usually associate vacations with waves, and sun, and beach, and somewhere other than where they are everyday.
I did have a vacation, and I was pretty specific, give or take a few things, on how I wanted to spend it.
I knew I wasn't going to Africa, and I knew I wasn't going to the beach. That was actually OK with me.
It had been almost 2 years since I had a vacation, and within that time so much had transpired, that really, all I wanted to do was rest..............simply rest. Body, mind and soul!
The first few days were actually kind of strange, only because I wasn't going and doing, or at least tried not to, at least the way I do at work, and to just "be", here at my house, with nothing really to do, but to be 100% present with my animals, myself, my surroundings, and to just decompress all of the clutter that has accumulated since I have moved here.
Unraveling those feelings and putting them in place was such a catharsis. Along with all of the other feelings that come along with being single, liking it, when no one else does, (nor does anyone want me to be single, it's funny.) No one can comprehend the fact that it IS a wonderful thing to be alone, really digging into who you are. Don't get me wrong, I love the other, I am just not sure how much, in comparison.
In the beginning it felt as if 9 days was so short, not enough to get to where I want to be inside.
It's kind of like the Hurry slowly thing. Do what you need to do, be diligent, but do it slowly and with awareness.
One morning I got so incredibly excited when I woke up. I looked out at the lake, and just balled. It was a good ball though! I felt as if I had been given a chance. A chance for what? I do not know, but that is what I felt.
I quickly started organizing things so that I wouldn't have to do it later. I wanted as much time to myself as possible.
I knew I had already planned to do somewhat of a regimented workout program, just for grins, to see what I had in me these days, and too, to test my discipline and to let out some hugely pent up energy that has been needing to come out for quite some time now. Pacing the floor or making rounds around the restaurant makes for a great cardio workout, (not that I was looking for one), but somehow, for me, when I am focused on my own workout plan, just to feel good, I wind up flying to the moon and back.
I did a program for myself like I would any client. I thought about where I am, physically and mentally, considered what I would realistically be willing to do, and not do, thought about food, and how I wanted to eat, what makes me feel good and what makes me feel like crap.
I did my own personal analysis.
I had been running the last several months with my dogs, and since they had gotten into a pack fight again, and now have to be separated, I take them for a run, one by one, every night and every morning to get some of their aggression out. Well......not only did it take their aggression out, it has alleviated a lot of pent of energy and thoughts that I have had for a long, long time now.
An hour or two of running everyday will heal the worst "sinner", (and I say that word jokingly).
It was almost natural that with my time off, I would accelerate that and start doing something really good for myself. Something structured, something to focus on.
All I wanted to do was eat well, and only the things that I knew my body liked and wanted. No exceptions, (only once at blue bonnet cafe eating my favorite lemon meringue pie and banana creme pie), and..... of course I felt drugged the whole way home, but didn't care, it was so awesome!
I wanted to be in nature, of course, ride my bike, garden, cook, redecorate, organize things that had been sitting since I moved here, and to read! Read, read, and read!
Nothing in there said "Be with people", or talk on phones, or socialize, or anything close to that. I was pretty sure that wasn't going to happen, with the exception of meeting with a dog pack specialist who will be more than helpful along my journey, I am sure!
Friends would say, "Gabriela, Go have fun.............go out........do fun things.............have a blast".............and I started to feel guilty that the things I wanted to do were not so great for a "vacation", and was left again with, "Is there something wrong with me?"
I know there isn't... but when no one I know wants to be alone as much as I do, and wants so much quiet, as I do, I begin to wonder and question. Or, maybe they do, but they just can't or won't.......who knows?
My days started to gel and have a routine that felt sooooooo incredibly good, so soul satisfying that it became contagious!
I wanted more and more, because whatever I was doing was filling me up like nothing had in a long, long time. The quiet, the intuition ...........listening to my body, literally taking long moments to actually listen to what it wanted, checking in with it every so often to see and hear what it wanted. Your body truly does talk to you in volumes if you let it, and tells you exactly what it wants, and, how often.
I took all advice and adhered.
Not, I want to lose weight, be fit, stop this or that, but what is it that truly makes me feel whole, inside and out?? What are those things and what to do to make that sensation ten fold?
Well, it wasn't much of a surprise!
Quiet, reading, learning, digesting life, listening, watching life, birds, going for walks, for runs, swimming, being whole in those experiences, listening, listening, listening ............... allowing the sounds of the earth to reverberate inside.... watching a bird for more than a second.....more than two, feeling what it is like to be on the same ground, same turf....communicating with them in their language...........shopping for vegetables, for fish, for meat, for herbs, and anything that would accentuate or complete a meal that I thought would be phenomenal....... finding the right wine........... being particular because I had the time and I could, for god's sake, I could be particular....nobody rushing me, not looking at a clock...........
my simple drives home........in my sweet car........ still new, still wondering how we get to be so lucky to get from A to Z in these little suckers........ God, we are so lucky!
I got to feed the birds like crazy. My poor IPhone was going to blow up I took so many pictures of birds eating out of the feeders, squirrels on the railing, blue jays, cardinals, little finches.......... just amazing to me. If that had been the only thing I did on vacation I would have been truly happy out on my deck, sipping coffee or wine, depending on the time!
I loved waking up to the dogs, taking my time with each one, putting on my classical music, making coffee, and making my way out onto the deck. I always bring my notebook and usually journal, write poetry, letters, or just whatever pops up. To me, if I have it there, I can write if the mood strikes me, if not, it is just as quiet as could be, the dogs are content and I swear it literally is like I have died and gone to heaven. I think of returning to work and it saddens me, to be so far removed from this place of quietude. I love my job and being social but man, I have to tell you...........they are two separate lives.......... both great, but............... hhhhmmmmm...... wow........... I dunno!
Ya know, I willingly write all of this stuff when I don't have to. I hear people say, "You have checked out", you are not based in reality, or you are such a hippie........... whatever they deem me, but I will have to say, for myself, that this is more of a life than what people are living. First off, it is a joke that I am a hippie, I was born in the 60's but was a mere pup in the woods. I have worn Patchouli for over 25 years, I care to love and not hate! If that makes me a hippie, so be it! I am a conscious, aware human being that is sensitive to nature, animals and our earth.............. is that being a hippie or smart? Is that being a hippie or appreciative? I dunno........ you tell me!
I write not to make a point, ever, really, but to share myself because it is a passion of mine. Certainly not to get validation from anyone. After all, I have no clue, honestly, outside of my email list, who gets this, and how it will affect them. That's alright with me.
I simply write for the day, for my moments, what transpires, and how it affectes me. I do hope that somehow, in my writings, that it helps someone, in some small fashion.
I think that I have had plenty of life experiences that would aid in someones growth, so if I am to share some whereabouts, or life situations, that have occured for me, and they in fact help you, in your day........ I am all about it!
That is why 9 days of Nothin' is such a precious thing. It gives me time to drink some really good nectar. To separate myself from what daily life offers and to be able to see life from a more objective perspective, one that hears the call of the divine, and can openly receive that, take it all in, and forge forward with an organic knowledge that will change my days and months to come.
Giving yourself "time off" is some of the best, most crucial advice I would ever share with anyone.
No matter what you do, who you are, or where you are............ EVERYONE NEEDS A BREAK from their minds, from their everyday realities, and from the people they love most. It doesn't mean you don't love them, it means, you are loving them more, by giving yourself what you need, and in turn, giving them, the whole of yourself.
To me, you are doing them a great favor...........forget the dinner you didn't cook.
I am afraid that 9 days of nothin' could turn into 20 days of nothin, to 100 days of nothin, to an insurmountable time alone that would fill 900 cups full of a love that would be inexpressible.
I'll just stay here for now!
I'll let my moments guide me.
Give yourself time.......... away. Find time to contemplate life, your surroundings, and the smallest things that you noticed as a child. You'll see what I mean.
It may not be 9 days, but you're gonna have to start somewhere.
I love you guys......... honestly.....like crazy!
Thank you so much for sharing your lives with me.
Love always,
Gabriela
I did have a vacation, and I was pretty specific, give or take a few things, on how I wanted to spend it.
I knew I wasn't going to Africa, and I knew I wasn't going to the beach. That was actually OK with me.
It had been almost 2 years since I had a vacation, and within that time so much had transpired, that really, all I wanted to do was rest..............simply rest. Body, mind and soul!
The first few days were actually kind of strange, only because I wasn't going and doing, or at least tried not to, at least the way I do at work, and to just "be", here at my house, with nothing really to do, but to be 100% present with my animals, myself, my surroundings, and to just decompress all of the clutter that has accumulated since I have moved here.
Unraveling those feelings and putting them in place was such a catharsis. Along with all of the other feelings that come along with being single, liking it, when no one else does, (nor does anyone want me to be single, it's funny.) No one can comprehend the fact that it IS a wonderful thing to be alone, really digging into who you are. Don't get me wrong, I love the other, I am just not sure how much, in comparison.
In the beginning it felt as if 9 days was so short, not enough to get to where I want to be inside.
It's kind of like the Hurry slowly thing. Do what you need to do, be diligent, but do it slowly and with awareness.
One morning I got so incredibly excited when I woke up. I looked out at the lake, and just balled. It was a good ball though! I felt as if I had been given a chance. A chance for what? I do not know, but that is what I felt.
I quickly started organizing things so that I wouldn't have to do it later. I wanted as much time to myself as possible.
I knew I had already planned to do somewhat of a regimented workout program, just for grins, to see what I had in me these days, and too, to test my discipline and to let out some hugely pent up energy that has been needing to come out for quite some time now. Pacing the floor or making rounds around the restaurant makes for a great cardio workout, (not that I was looking for one), but somehow, for me, when I am focused on my own workout plan, just to feel good, I wind up flying to the moon and back.
I did a program for myself like I would any client. I thought about where I am, physically and mentally, considered what I would realistically be willing to do, and not do, thought about food, and how I wanted to eat, what makes me feel good and what makes me feel like crap.
I did my own personal analysis.
I had been running the last several months with my dogs, and since they had gotten into a pack fight again, and now have to be separated, I take them for a run, one by one, every night and every morning to get some of their aggression out. Well......not only did it take their aggression out, it has alleviated a lot of pent of energy and thoughts that I have had for a long, long time now.
An hour or two of running everyday will heal the worst "sinner", (and I say that word jokingly).
It was almost natural that with my time off, I would accelerate that and start doing something really good for myself. Something structured, something to focus on.
All I wanted to do was eat well, and only the things that I knew my body liked and wanted. No exceptions, (only once at blue bonnet cafe eating my favorite lemon meringue pie and banana creme pie), and..... of course I felt drugged the whole way home, but didn't care, it was so awesome!
I wanted to be in nature, of course, ride my bike, garden, cook, redecorate, organize things that had been sitting since I moved here, and to read! Read, read, and read!
Nothing in there said "Be with people", or talk on phones, or socialize, or anything close to that. I was pretty sure that wasn't going to happen, with the exception of meeting with a dog pack specialist who will be more than helpful along my journey, I am sure!
Friends would say, "Gabriela, Go have fun.............go out........do fun things.............have a blast".............and I started to feel guilty that the things I wanted to do were not so great for a "vacation", and was left again with, "Is there something wrong with me?"
I know there isn't... but when no one I know wants to be alone as much as I do, and wants so much quiet, as I do, I begin to wonder and question. Or, maybe they do, but they just can't or won't.......who knows?
My days started to gel and have a routine that felt sooooooo incredibly good, so soul satisfying that it became contagious!
I wanted more and more, because whatever I was doing was filling me up like nothing had in a long, long time. The quiet, the intuition ...........listening to my body, literally taking long moments to actually listen to what it wanted, checking in with it every so often to see and hear what it wanted. Your body truly does talk to you in volumes if you let it, and tells you exactly what it wants, and, how often.
I took all advice and adhered.
Not, I want to lose weight, be fit, stop this or that, but what is it that truly makes me feel whole, inside and out?? What are those things and what to do to make that sensation ten fold?
Well, it wasn't much of a surprise!
Quiet, reading, learning, digesting life, listening, watching life, birds, going for walks, for runs, swimming, being whole in those experiences, listening, listening, listening ............... allowing the sounds of the earth to reverberate inside.... watching a bird for more than a second.....more than two, feeling what it is like to be on the same ground, same turf....communicating with them in their language...........shopping for vegetables, for fish, for meat, for herbs, and anything that would accentuate or complete a meal that I thought would be phenomenal....... finding the right wine........... being particular because I had the time and I could, for god's sake, I could be particular....nobody rushing me, not looking at a clock...........
my simple drives home........in my sweet car........ still new, still wondering how we get to be so lucky to get from A to Z in these little suckers........ God, we are so lucky!
I got to feed the birds like crazy. My poor IPhone was going to blow up I took so many pictures of birds eating out of the feeders, squirrels on the railing, blue jays, cardinals, little finches.......... just amazing to me. If that had been the only thing I did on vacation I would have been truly happy out on my deck, sipping coffee or wine, depending on the time!
I loved waking up to the dogs, taking my time with each one, putting on my classical music, making coffee, and making my way out onto the deck. I always bring my notebook and usually journal, write poetry, letters, or just whatever pops up. To me, if I have it there, I can write if the mood strikes me, if not, it is just as quiet as could be, the dogs are content and I swear it literally is like I have died and gone to heaven. I think of returning to work and it saddens me, to be so far removed from this place of quietude. I love my job and being social but man, I have to tell you...........they are two separate lives.......... both great, but............... hhhhmmmmm...... wow........... I dunno!
Ya know, I willingly write all of this stuff when I don't have to. I hear people say, "You have checked out", you are not based in reality, or you are such a hippie........... whatever they deem me, but I will have to say, for myself, that this is more of a life than what people are living. First off, it is a joke that I am a hippie, I was born in the 60's but was a mere pup in the woods. I have worn Patchouli for over 25 years, I care to love and not hate! If that makes me a hippie, so be it! I am a conscious, aware human being that is sensitive to nature, animals and our earth.............. is that being a hippie or smart? Is that being a hippie or appreciative? I dunno........ you tell me!
I write not to make a point, ever, really, but to share myself because it is a passion of mine. Certainly not to get validation from anyone. After all, I have no clue, honestly, outside of my email list, who gets this, and how it will affect them. That's alright with me.
I simply write for the day, for my moments, what transpires, and how it affectes me. I do hope that somehow, in my writings, that it helps someone, in some small fashion.
I think that I have had plenty of life experiences that would aid in someones growth, so if I am to share some whereabouts, or life situations, that have occured for me, and they in fact help you, in your day........ I am all about it!
That is why 9 days of Nothin' is such a precious thing. It gives me time to drink some really good nectar. To separate myself from what daily life offers and to be able to see life from a more objective perspective, one that hears the call of the divine, and can openly receive that, take it all in, and forge forward with an organic knowledge that will change my days and months to come.
Giving yourself "time off" is some of the best, most crucial advice I would ever share with anyone.
No matter what you do, who you are, or where you are............ EVERYONE NEEDS A BREAK from their minds, from their everyday realities, and from the people they love most. It doesn't mean you don't love them, it means, you are loving them more, by giving yourself what you need, and in turn, giving them, the whole of yourself.
To me, you are doing them a great favor...........forget the dinner you didn't cook.
I am afraid that 9 days of nothin' could turn into 20 days of nothin, to 100 days of nothin, to an insurmountable time alone that would fill 900 cups full of a love that would be inexpressible.
I'll just stay here for now!
I'll let my moments guide me.
Give yourself time.......... away. Find time to contemplate life, your surroundings, and the smallest things that you noticed as a child. You'll see what I mean.
It may not be 9 days, but you're gonna have to start somewhere.
I love you guys......... honestly.....like crazy!
Thank you so much for sharing your lives with me.
Love always,
Gabriela
Monday, September 20, 2010
FOR THE BOOKS......
Hmmmmmm........ Pork Loin braised in a Semi Sweet Port Wine demi glaze with Roasted Elephant Garlic, and slow cooked with Tri-color black peppercorns.
Roasted Home Grown tomatoes, baby spinach and portabello mushrooms sauteed with caramelized onions, fresh garlic, lemon and toasted Thyme.
Not to mention the Fresh Porcini Mushroom Basmati Rice slowly cooked to a succulent perfection........
And well, it has to be accompanied by something like, or other than a Masciarelli Montepulicano d'Abruzzo.
I'd do dessert if it were here, but I had my fare share at the Blue Bonnet Cafe in Marble Falls the other day.
I'm good gosh darn it..........I'm good!
See? You can eat! You can enjoy your life.................
It's all about balance! Balance!
Enjoy my friends, and hopefully I can cook for you someday and we can enjoy the magnificence of friends, food, wine and tons of laughter..............God knows we need it amidst it all................
Gnite and sweet dreams!
Gabriela
Roasted Home Grown tomatoes, baby spinach and portabello mushrooms sauteed with caramelized onions, fresh garlic, lemon and toasted Thyme.
Not to mention the Fresh Porcini Mushroom Basmati Rice slowly cooked to a succulent perfection........
And well, it has to be accompanied by something like, or other than a Masciarelli Montepulicano d'Abruzzo.
I'd do dessert if it were here, but I had my fare share at the Blue Bonnet Cafe in Marble Falls the other day.
I'm good gosh darn it..........I'm good!
See? You can eat! You can enjoy your life.................
It's all about balance! Balance!
Enjoy my friends, and hopefully I can cook for you someday and we can enjoy the magnificence of friends, food, wine and tons of laughter..............God knows we need it amidst it all................
Gnite and sweet dreams!
Gabriela
HOW CAN WE SEE THINGS DIFFERENTLY TO CHANGE?
I was out biking today, and it was driving me crazy knowing that half the world, practically HATES TO EXERCISE!
The mere mention of that word gives people a huge flash of sweating, giving up their good times, or their time in general, their not so good food that they love, or drinks that seem like a huge NO NO, not watching TV, but doing some repetitious thing for 30 or 40 minutes in a gym full of people that they could care less about, let alone bare their bodies that they really don't even look at anymore. Why? Because they hate what they see anyway......... and so why in God's name would they want to wear anything that would accentuate that "horror" that their mind has told them it is! So then, the blinders go on, they grab a coke, some quick food that will make them feel better, or comfortable, and leave it at......."at least I thought about it" kinda thing.
I am not saying that this is the case for everyone, mind you, but the vast majority of people that I see and hear, are just not motivated and will not make the time for their bodies.
It makes me sad that there is that perpetual way of thinking about the body.
I do get it. I understand all angles of it. I have been there. I've been lazy, I've been aware that I just don't feel like it because other things are preoccupying my mind, and it seems like a chore, I understand that it takes time, and patience, and simply, what would you rather be doing, having nacho's and margarhita's or pumping iron at Gold's Gym?
Patience is something I do have, but it is selective, if I can be honest. Time? Well, that is another thing, but given the focus, is not an obstacle, by any means, for me,and I could probably speak for many of us. I am a true believer in, we do what we want to do, and have the energy for the things we love doing, but if we just don't feel like doing it.......then, "man, I'm really tired"........ I don't have the where with all to do that". BULL! It is a state of mind. I'm not being a jerk, shoot, I say this to myself. "Gabriela you lie", you just don't feel like doing it, admit it". And then I laugh, and go, "HAHAHA, exactly.". At least I can be honest about it. "I don't feel like it". But to say, "I can't, or I am not good at it, or it's not in me, or any other excuse is lazy". Sorry, but it is!
I almost want to take the word "Exercise" out of the dictionary, out of our vocabulary, and replace it with something else. Say something simple like, playing. Playing is a great word for me, since when I train someone, or even myself, IT IS PLAY TIME!
Yes, we are "working out" but the time passes and we laugh, and we share, and we have such a great time just being, that the "exercise" becomes so secondary, and before you know it, the time is up, and you are going, "Awwww!!!!!". I mean, I do it for myself. I go running, or biking and I am in total awe. I never set out to say, "I'm going to work out". I know, on my run, or my bike ride, I will be experiencing nature, in all of it's glory, seeing things I don't from my car, or being at work, or doing chores, or whatever. The other day, I swear, I literally thought I was in France, biking in the beautiful hills, looking at the gorgeous trees, the amazing homes, people reveling in their lawns, their landscape, getting vegetables from their gardens, butterflies swarming, I kid you not, I mean all kinds of awesome treasures. I saw snakes, terantulas, birds that literally looked like salt water fish with their coloring, I mean it was the highlight of my vacation.
How often do we give ourselves unlimited time to experience nature like that?
Even with lifting weights, I never want the time to end. I know that sounds ludicrous, but when you really start understanding what you are doing, no matter what it is, it can become really fun, and you see the importance of it, and how it molds you, even if you don't like it in any way shape or form. (use me for example with doing inventory sheets at work). I am not, in any stretch of the means, going to tell you that I love it, or, even like it, but once I got the hang of what it was, how it was supposed to be done, and the results that come along with doing it consistently, I kinda went, "oh, this isn't so bad after all". Trust me, I'm not saying I was racing to work wanting to do Inventory, but a little here, a little there, I know, and understand that it helps me, on several different levels, and it is OK, to learn to like something, for the benefit of something greater than what we can see, in our small little vision at times.
With time, it will give you the same "high" as being with the love in your life, the fine wine you choose over and over again, that ecstasy when reaching the highest form of physical pleasure you can experience.
Trust me, it will find it's way to you, when you open yourself up to the possibility of getting acquainted with your body in a different way, rather than how you have perceived it in the past, or even now as you read this.
Get to know it in a more intimate and allowing way, not being so judgemental about it. Know it in a little bit of a deeper way, than you have, and I promise you that it will open a door for you, and you will be able to see and feel your body in such an amazing way that will, and I say WILL, transform you, your physique, and your way of viewing this incredible, phenomenon that we are walking around in, taking for such granted, the amazing things that it actually allows us to do on a daily basis, every day, every waking moment.
Give credence where credence is due.
After all, if we don't take care of these bodies, WHERE ARE WE GOING TO LIVE?
I love you guys and want to expand, and grow, outside of our tiny little perceptions of how we think life is, or our bodies, or anything else for that matter.
Tonight, let's throw away ALL IDEAS of how we think things are, and how we think they should be, and stay open to new possibilities and ways of making us expand outside of our small nucleas, and realize that there is a whole entire Universe out there that is way smarter than we are, and much more privy to these intricate things we call our minds and our bodies, and for once, lets not take such control, and allow something greater to take precedence, and just take a gamble, to see, and to feel what it is like on the "other side".
Touche' to new ideas, new ways, and anything....... by god........ anything......... outside... of.... the ............norm!
Total support, and total love,
Always,
Gabriela
~
The mere mention of that word gives people a huge flash of sweating, giving up their good times, or their time in general, their not so good food that they love, or drinks that seem like a huge NO NO, not watching TV, but doing some repetitious thing for 30 or 40 minutes in a gym full of people that they could care less about, let alone bare their bodies that they really don't even look at anymore. Why? Because they hate what they see anyway......... and so why in God's name would they want to wear anything that would accentuate that "horror" that their mind has told them it is! So then, the blinders go on, they grab a coke, some quick food that will make them feel better, or comfortable, and leave it at......."at least I thought about it" kinda thing.
I am not saying that this is the case for everyone, mind you, but the vast majority of people that I see and hear, are just not motivated and will not make the time for their bodies.
It makes me sad that there is that perpetual way of thinking about the body.
I do get it. I understand all angles of it. I have been there. I've been lazy, I've been aware that I just don't feel like it because other things are preoccupying my mind, and it seems like a chore, I understand that it takes time, and patience, and simply, what would you rather be doing, having nacho's and margarhita's or pumping iron at Gold's Gym?
Patience is something I do have, but it is selective, if I can be honest. Time? Well, that is another thing, but given the focus, is not an obstacle, by any means, for me,and I could probably speak for many of us. I am a true believer in, we do what we want to do, and have the energy for the things we love doing, but if we just don't feel like doing it.......then, "man, I'm really tired"........ I don't have the where with all to do that". BULL! It is a state of mind. I'm not being a jerk, shoot, I say this to myself. "Gabriela you lie", you just don't feel like doing it, admit it". And then I laugh, and go, "HAHAHA, exactly.". At least I can be honest about it. "I don't feel like it". But to say, "I can't, or I am not good at it, or it's not in me, or any other excuse is lazy". Sorry, but it is!
I almost want to take the word "Exercise" out of the dictionary, out of our vocabulary, and replace it with something else. Say something simple like, playing. Playing is a great word for me, since when I train someone, or even myself, IT IS PLAY TIME!
Yes, we are "working out" but the time passes and we laugh, and we share, and we have such a great time just being, that the "exercise" becomes so secondary, and before you know it, the time is up, and you are going, "Awwww!!!!!". I mean, I do it for myself. I go running, or biking and I am in total awe. I never set out to say, "I'm going to work out". I know, on my run, or my bike ride, I will be experiencing nature, in all of it's glory, seeing things I don't from my car, or being at work, or doing chores, or whatever. The other day, I swear, I literally thought I was in France, biking in the beautiful hills, looking at the gorgeous trees, the amazing homes, people reveling in their lawns, their landscape, getting vegetables from their gardens, butterflies swarming, I kid you not, I mean all kinds of awesome treasures. I saw snakes, terantulas, birds that literally looked like salt water fish with their coloring, I mean it was the highlight of my vacation.
How often do we give ourselves unlimited time to experience nature like that?
Even with lifting weights, I never want the time to end. I know that sounds ludicrous, but when you really start understanding what you are doing, no matter what it is, it can become really fun, and you see the importance of it, and how it molds you, even if you don't like it in any way shape or form. (use me for example with doing inventory sheets at work). I am not, in any stretch of the means, going to tell you that I love it, or, even like it, but once I got the hang of what it was, how it was supposed to be done, and the results that come along with doing it consistently, I kinda went, "oh, this isn't so bad after all". Trust me, I'm not saying I was racing to work wanting to do Inventory, but a little here, a little there, I know, and understand that it helps me, on several different levels, and it is OK, to learn to like something, for the benefit of something greater than what we can see, in our small little vision at times.
With time, it will give you the same "high" as being with the love in your life, the fine wine you choose over and over again, that ecstasy when reaching the highest form of physical pleasure you can experience.
Trust me, it will find it's way to you, when you open yourself up to the possibility of getting acquainted with your body in a different way, rather than how you have perceived it in the past, or even now as you read this.
Get to know it in a more intimate and allowing way, not being so judgemental about it. Know it in a little bit of a deeper way, than you have, and I promise you that it will open a door for you, and you will be able to see and feel your body in such an amazing way that will, and I say WILL, transform you, your physique, and your way of viewing this incredible, phenomenon that we are walking around in, taking for such granted, the amazing things that it actually allows us to do on a daily basis, every day, every waking moment.
Give credence where credence is due.
After all, if we don't take care of these bodies, WHERE ARE WE GOING TO LIVE?
I love you guys and want to expand, and grow, outside of our tiny little perceptions of how we think life is, or our bodies, or anything else for that matter.
Tonight, let's throw away ALL IDEAS of how we think things are, and how we think they should be, and stay open to new possibilities and ways of making us expand outside of our small nucleas, and realize that there is a whole entire Universe out there that is way smarter than we are, and much more privy to these intricate things we call our minds and our bodies, and for once, lets not take such control, and allow something greater to take precedence, and just take a gamble, to see, and to feel what it is like on the "other side".
Touche' to new ideas, new ways, and anything....... by god........ anything......... outside... of.... the ............norm!
Total support, and total love,
Always,
Gabriela
~
Friday, September 10, 2010
MAKING THINGS HAPPEN
If we want results, WE HAVE TO FOLLOW THROUGH............... thinking about things and dreams, and all that we want are awesome, but the best part is seeing it through, to actually make it come to fruition, rather than keeping it a "far off dream of sorts". We CAN make it happen. Hurry, take that first step. It is... really as easy as that!
GO..........hop on it........ what is it that you want?? Think about it, plan it, and DO IT!!
I'm doin' the same!
Keep your energy up......spirit high, and plow forward........life is happening, and it is awesome!
You have the world in your hands............DO WHAT YOU WANT RIGHT NOW!
GO.........
GO..........
GO.........!
~
GO..........hop on it........ what is it that you want?? Think about it, plan it, and DO IT!!
I'm doin' the same!
Keep your energy up......spirit high, and plow forward........life is happening, and it is awesome!
You have the world in your hands............DO WHAT YOU WANT RIGHT NOW!
GO.........
GO..........
GO.........!
~
Thursday, September 9, 2010
REAL COMMUNION
This moment and time for me is so poignant, yet, really, what time in my life, how big or small, isn't poignant?
I seem to make all things important, and there always is, for me, a story, of why, and how, and a tale that makes it all worthwhile. And, by all means, not for "stories" sake, but for the fact that life is just amazing, and there just is, story after story to tell, and to me, there is always a meaning behind every, every, everything!
There have been innumerable times when I have come face to face, so to speak, with animals, or mammals, and have had the most organic experiences. Ones that take me to another time and place.
I hate to always say, "I hate to sound spiritual or this or that, but god darn, that is what it is, so I am going to stop apologizing for it, and just share my story and well, you either gel with it or not, it honestly doesn't make a difference to me.
More and more, I am becoming aware of the fined tuned attraction/ love for animals/love for all living things, and when I come upon some or one of those things, it becomes a moment in time and like this picture, it literally brings me to a place that I wish, so, so wish, I could explain.
To say it is just "innocent" waters it down. To say, "Well, I love animals", waters it down, and to say, "I love writing about my experiences with animals" not only waters it all down, but makes me sad that there isn't anything I could say or do, that would articulate my feelings, or my communion with these "creatures" of sorts, these souls, that are so darn intelligent, and that speak a language that we just don't get, daily, but if we take a few extra minutes, would see, how much these guys teach us, and how, if we spent that much more time with them, that we would evolve ten fold, IF...............IF................ we took the time.
I AM WILLING TO TAKE THE TIME!!!!
I am about to take a vacation.
I haven't had a vacation in two years.
I thought,"On my vacation, I want to just disappear, be in nature, be with animals, have no contact with people, for the most part, and dive into the abyss of what I miss on a regular basis, and am yearning for every day."
I think, "camera, notebook, pen, backpack, some food and water, and a great eye!
Life is just blazing in all of it's amazing colors. There are animals, creatures, the sky, water, plants, trees, foliage, sounds, the water", I mean, all kinds of stuff to empty yourself into, rather than running ramped through the malls wondering what new blouse you are going to choose for your next outing.
I mean, I dunno, that is just me.
I cannot wait to get out of my daily "norm" and explore my being, in all of it's quietude, it's questions and own
explorations, to dig deeper into what is me, NOW, in a new day, a different person than yesterday, and to allow that to seep into my consciousness, this blog, and to you, in hopes that you will be able to relate, and to expound on your own self, and what it is needing, and get to whatever you need to be getting to, to make your life whole and happy, and honestly
ECSTATIC!
When I come home, it is about my animals, and how to make their life conducive, how to integrate their world with mine, and to be able to see the vast differences, to be able to make it work, between "us" and "them".
We are a different species, but really, so, so much alike, in so many ways, it's scary!
There is a huge communion that needs to happen. If you are open to it, you will see, up close, how we are all so much alike, even if it looks like we are so different.
God, this doesn't go for just animals, but all of man kind.
There is a communion that needs to happen.
If it doesn't, YOU miss out!
And let me tell you,
you don't want to miss out on this "event".
Life, in all of it's rare forms, are, at best, everything you have wanted to see, and more.
Enjoy the organic ride, even if it feels crazy or stupid. Give it a try.
I wouldn't be wasting my time on anything if I didn't think it was worth it!
~
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
MY LITTLE SECRET LIFE
I sit
in my
daily
little
life.
I practice
being very
still
inside
no matter
what
is
happening.
No running
from that
which
I have
spent
lifetimes
hiding from.
I rest
in the midst
of
the
curve
balls
that life
continuously
throws
at
me
even if
it is
a feeling of
being
humiliated
of failing
of abandonment
or unfairness.
I want
to
always
rest
in
the bodily
experience
of
the
present
moment
and not
allow
anyone
or
anything
to take
me
from that.
There is
a sacred
place
I go to.
This place
sustains
me
and
keeps me
holy
amidst
the muck.
~
in my
daily
little
life.
I practice
being very
still
inside
no matter
what
is
happening.
No running
from that
which
I have
spent
lifetimes
hiding from.
I rest
in the midst
of
the
curve
balls
that life
continuously
throws
at
me
even if
it is
a feeling of
being
humiliated
of failing
of abandonment
or unfairness.
I want
to
always
rest
in
the bodily
experience
of
the
present
moment
and not
allow
anyone
or
anything
to take
me
from that.
There is
a sacred
place
I go to.
This place
sustains
me
and
keeps me
holy
amidst
the muck.
~
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
THE MOST ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE....
...in the world,
to me
are the ones
who are
interested
in
others~
who are
turned
outward
in
cheerfulness
kindness
and
appreciation~
Instead of
turned
inward
to be
constantly
centered
in
themselves.
~
to me
are the ones
who are
interested
in
others~
who are
turned
outward
in
cheerfulness
kindness
and
appreciation~
Instead of
turned
inward
to be
constantly
centered
in
themselves.
~
Sunday, September 5, 2010
THE BLACK SHEEP
Do you ever feel like you are running with the wrong herd? The black sheep in a herd of white? A fish outa water?
Doing all of the "right" things, but know, inside, your heart is elsewhere?
I don't think we do this on purpose. I think we do what we know is good at the time, or the moment, and do things, maybe even reluctantly, for what may be good for us or what needs to happen for us, in our evolution, and we stay there, to make sure all is well, so that we don't mess up, so to speak, to create more karma, or situations that put us in holes, or what have you. AKA..... do what you need to do to make it, kinda thing.
I normally don't think in those terms, but I have, in the last year and a half, done whatever needs to happen to make my life exist, without anyone else, and staying true to myself, even if I am not makin' the big bucks, and trying to succeed in a way that keeps me true to myself, and not needing or wanting anyone else for anything.
No one can make us feel comfortable with ourselves but us! No amount of money can make me feel closer to who I am inside.
I have a very eclectic, and natural way of living that makes me feel so whole inside. Money never, ever has a part of that feeling.
I like money because it gives me a freedom to breathe a bit, to do more of what I love, without having to worry.
I am not a shop hound, by all means. I don't spend money frivolously, although, given my own expenses, and freedom, I will buy house decor till the cows come home, good wine, and exquisite food. Hmmm, what else? I like nice clothes, but ya know, I am a jeans and T-shirt girl. I'll take the old rusted, hard to find light switch covers over a pare of jeans any day. Some old doors, beautiful art work, and the nicest suede paint on the market. Shoot, that is gold to me! Pure god. Well, I meant pure gold, but there's a reason for everything. I'll take god, AND gold.
I have been feeling like the "rat on the wheel". Go to work, come home, do chores, have a small bit of time to run, maybe, hurry and do some laundry, take the dogs out, give them love, and before you know it, you look at the clock and you say, "Oh my god, I have to be up in so many hours", and you start stressing that you have to start winding down, just to get sleep, to be up the next day to forge forward into yet another day of work.
Argh!
Where is the passion?
Where is the passion?
Where is the passion?
I told myself I would never do this!
Some people say, "This is life, you hafta work!"
Yes, and I don't mind that if it makes you feel whole, and that you have a purpose!
I need that!
Some people don't. All they need is a paycheck. That is sufficient! Maybe a paycheck that is good, and a comfort in knowing that they go to the same place everyday, getting the same pay, with the same people, and the same set of circumstances. I know I feel that. I also know, that deep inside, that is just a comfort and someone who doesn't want to grow outside of her comfort zone.
I do, and I don't.
Up heave to me, again, right now, does not appeal to me, at all.
Change, for the better does. Especially if it means me not having to worry about money, and doing what I love and getting compensated for it.
I will always move toward what seems true inside. Money will always find it's niche.
I will always be OK.
I just want to know that I am living everyday passionately, not compromising who I am, just for a buck.
That will always run itself dry!!!!!
~
Doing all of the "right" things, but know, inside, your heart is elsewhere?
I don't think we do this on purpose. I think we do what we know is good at the time, or the moment, and do things, maybe even reluctantly, for what may be good for us or what needs to happen for us, in our evolution, and we stay there, to make sure all is well, so that we don't mess up, so to speak, to create more karma, or situations that put us in holes, or what have you. AKA..... do what you need to do to make it, kinda thing.
I normally don't think in those terms, but I have, in the last year and a half, done whatever needs to happen to make my life exist, without anyone else, and staying true to myself, even if I am not makin' the big bucks, and trying to succeed in a way that keeps me true to myself, and not needing or wanting anyone else for anything.
No one can make us feel comfortable with ourselves but us! No amount of money can make me feel closer to who I am inside.
I have a very eclectic, and natural way of living that makes me feel so whole inside. Money never, ever has a part of that feeling.
I like money because it gives me a freedom to breathe a bit, to do more of what I love, without having to worry.
I am not a shop hound, by all means. I don't spend money frivolously, although, given my own expenses, and freedom, I will buy house decor till the cows come home, good wine, and exquisite food. Hmmm, what else? I like nice clothes, but ya know, I am a jeans and T-shirt girl. I'll take the old rusted, hard to find light switch covers over a pare of jeans any day. Some old doors, beautiful art work, and the nicest suede paint on the market. Shoot, that is gold to me! Pure god. Well, I meant pure gold, but there's a reason for everything. I'll take god, AND gold.
I have been feeling like the "rat on the wheel". Go to work, come home, do chores, have a small bit of time to run, maybe, hurry and do some laundry, take the dogs out, give them love, and before you know it, you look at the clock and you say, "Oh my god, I have to be up in so many hours", and you start stressing that you have to start winding down, just to get sleep, to be up the next day to forge forward into yet another day of work.
Argh!
Where is the passion?
Where is the passion?
Where is the passion?
I told myself I would never do this!
Some people say, "This is life, you hafta work!"
Yes, and I don't mind that if it makes you feel whole, and that you have a purpose!
I need that!
Some people don't. All they need is a paycheck. That is sufficient! Maybe a paycheck that is good, and a comfort in knowing that they go to the same place everyday, getting the same pay, with the same people, and the same set of circumstances. I know I feel that. I also know, that deep inside, that is just a comfort and someone who doesn't want to grow outside of her comfort zone.
I do, and I don't.
Up heave to me, again, right now, does not appeal to me, at all.
Change, for the better does. Especially if it means me not having to worry about money, and doing what I love and getting compensated for it.
I will always move toward what seems true inside. Money will always find it's niche.
I will always be OK.
I just want to know that I am living everyday passionately, not compromising who I am, just for a buck.
That will always run itself dry!!!!!
~
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
SURFIN THE JUKEBOX
My schedule changed today, several times, actually, so I said, "What they hey," and grabbed 10 or 12 books and out the door I went.
I got all excited sifting through the pile that had been sitting there collecting dust, or at least had slight finger print marks on them from the moments I had to spare to actually pick them up for a second or two to squeeze in a paragraph before heading to work, or bed, my two "practical homes", so to speak.
I snagged the suntan lotion, swiped my beach towel, and quickly pressed the Pandora button on my IPhone to listen to my favorite Classical station.
Ahhhh, the sweet smell of Coconut Oil generously pouring onto my skin.
Oh, the Joy!
Not many things really excite me!
The sun, knowingly not in my favor, is probably the one vise I cannot seem to give up. I throw most caution to the wind, and then grab a more than likely outdated bottle of 15, or 30, at the most, and hit a few spots that might catch my attention sooner than others. It's a quick kinda thought. Kinda like a kid doing something wrong when she knows she should be doing something else, other than what she is doing. I cop to it, it's not good, but if that is the only bad thing I'm doing, I'm not doing too shabby, I guess?!
There is something about the combination of that beachy, coconutty smell, the sun beating on my body, and the allowance to just "be" and do absolutely nothing, that never makes me second guess why, this in fact, could be such a hardcore vise.
It does something for my soul. I can't explain it!
Now, tag along 10 or so of your most passionate subjects, piled high next to you, waiting for you to slowly absorb the intelligence, that you knew buying it, would captivate you and allow you to disappear for a period of time, for sure. Piggy back that with a continuous array of symphonic tunes that you know could do nothing other than inspire you~
It would seem to me that this could be, hands down, a win, win, situation, don't you think?
I love the fact that when I am lying there I can use my mind in whatever capacity I want.
I can allow all of the tens of millions of creative ideas flow through my mind, let them roll as fast or as slow as I choose, stop them when I want, entertain them if I want, play with them, brainstorm, and then as we would in the "old" days when we were flipping through the choices of music on the Jukebox, we'd see a song we liked~ would remember it, flip ahead a few pages, look and look, carefully consider our mood and what we actually wanted to listen to, and maybe flip back, after careful consideration and play the song we knew we wanted in the beginning.
In my life, I can play a song, or not!
Listen to music, or not!
Play with my thoughts, or not!
I am happy to say that with the climbing numbers of things in life that we DO NOT HAVE CONTROL OVER,
this
I know
we
do!
We absolutely, and totally, have complete control over what we think, what we attract, what we don't think, and what we don't attract.
It is like anything else we are passionate about, studying or learning, or getting degrees in for Mastering our own specific Art.
It actually can be a lot of fun, and, honestly, not fun too! I would be lying if I said digging to the core of who you are is a fun, snuggly ride. It is a bitter sweet thing. One that I wouldn't trade anything for. I say that with a lot of pride, joy, hard tears and honesty.
To be able to command or control your thoughts in a way that serves you well is like walking a tight rope.
When you start noticing significant changes, as you play around with paying attention to how you can manage your thoughts or create your reality, you become all that more attracted to taking a few more risks to see how far you can get, or witness the game of chess that goes on with yourself.
YES! YOURSELF!
YOU VS. YOU.
It's pretty wild to get a grip on that reality.
Fun, yet interesting!
Scary, yet safe!
Mysterious, yet natural!
Deep, yet, simple!
To me, all of the people who have made a significant difference in this world have taken the time to contemplate life~ the workings of the mind and the deep affects it's has on our everyday lives, on others, and on humanity, as a whole.
This, to me, is the core place that things have to generate from to be able to withstand the test and trials that come our way.
The loves, the hurts, the suffering, the conditions of human nature, and of course, the things that are seemingly far out of our reach-
the unfortunate happenings~disease~illness~famine~natural disaster~
More than we can ever comprehend!
We can change a good percentage of this around with a focus, a support and an urgency!
TIME DOES NOT STAND STILL!
I found my first "crows foot" today.
As young and fervent as I feel~the body ages whether it is graceful or one day it just hits you over the head with a great big baseball bat, the Truth will remain.....
TIME DOES NOT STAND STILL!
As much fun as there is to be had, so much beauty to explore on this earth, places to go, people to see, we have got to find time in our lives to make a difference.
SOMEHOW!
To be able to pay back the "giver" of all givers, for allowing us the most spectacular and beautiful time here. To play and do and go and learn. So, so much on this tiny little spec of a phenomenon called EARTH.
Shoot, that could mean as little as seeing a piece of garbage on the ground and simply picking it up. No sweat off your back right?
That, is giving back! That is respecting and honoring your time and place here. That, to me, is a huge thank you!
No one says we have to empty our accounts, or even give any money at all!
We don't have to go to a Third World country.......there is plenty here. And if you choose to go there too, then touche' to you!
Giving back, in gratitude shows itself in the most obvious and obscure places.
If you keep a third eye open at all times, one that sees beyond the norm, I promise you, you'll step back and let out a huge sigh of something or other that will keep you thinking for days! A feeling that only comes when you are that aware, that focused and that caring of things outside of everyday "living".
Well,
this was a surprising "Jukebox" choice.
I'm never really sure what "song" I am going to choose.
I do know that when I do finally find that "song", it's as if I were born listening to it.
Some tunes you just cannot forget.
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