THE BLACK SHEEP

Do you ever feel like you are running with the wrong herd? The black sheep in a herd of white? A fish outa water?
Doing all of the "right" things, but know, inside, your heart is elsewhere?

I don't think we do this on purpose. I think we do what we know is good at the time, or the moment, and do things, maybe even reluctantly, for what  may be good for us or what needs to happen for us, in our evolution, and we stay there, to make sure all is well, so that we don't mess up, so to speak, to create more karma, or situations that put us in holes, or what have you. AKA..... do what you need to do to make it, kinda thing.

I normally don't think in those terms, but I have, in the last year and a half, done whatever needs to happen to make my life exist, without anyone else, and staying true to myself, even if I am not makin' the big bucks, and trying to succeed in a way that keeps me true to myself, and not needing or wanting anyone else for anything.
No one can make us feel comfortable with ourselves but us! No amount of money can make me feel closer to who I am inside.
I have a very eclectic, and natural way of living that makes me feel so whole inside. Money never, ever has a part of that feeling.
I like money because it gives me a freedom to breathe a bit, to do more of what I love, without having to worry.
I am  not a shop hound, by all means. I don't spend money frivolously, although, given my own expenses, and freedom, I will buy house decor till the cows come home, good wine, and exquisite food. Hmmm, what else? I  like nice clothes, but  ya  know, I am a jeans and T-shirt girl. I'll take the old rusted, hard to find light switch covers over a pare of jeans any day. Some old doors, beautiful art work, and the nicest suede paint on the  market. Shoot, that is gold to me! Pure god. Well, I meant pure gold, but there's a reason for everything. I'll take god, AND gold.

I have been feeling like the "rat on the wheel". Go to work, come home, do chores, have a small bit of time to run, maybe, hurry and do some laundry, take the dogs out, give them love, and before you know it, you look at the clock and you say, "Oh my god, I  have to be up in so many hours", and you start stressing that you have to start winding down, just to get sleep, to be up the next day to forge forward into yet another day of work.
Argh!
Where is the passion?
Where is the passion?
Where is the passion?

I told myself I would never do this!

Some people say, "This is life, you hafta work!"

Yes, and I don't mind that if it makes you feel whole, and that you have a purpose!

I need that!

Some people don't. All they need is a paycheck. That is sufficient! Maybe a  paycheck that is good, and a comfort in knowing that they go to the same place everyday, getting the same pay, with the same people, and the same set of circumstances. I know I feel that. I also know, that deep inside, that is just a comfort and someone who doesn't want to grow outside of her comfort zone.

I do, and I don't.

Up heave to me, again, right now, does not appeal to me, at all.

Change, for the better does. Especially if it means me not having to worry about  money, and doing what I love and getting compensated for it.

I will  always move toward what seems true inside. Money will always find it's niche.

I will always be OK.

I just want to know that I am living everyday passionately, not compromising who I am, just for a buck.

 That will always run itself dry!!!!!

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