NINE DAYS OF NOTHIN'

Well, I am sad to say, that this is the last day of my vacation. The word "vacation" seems a little strange, because people usually associate vacations with waves, and sun, and beach, and somewhere other than where they are everyday.

I did have a vacation, and I was pretty specific, give or take a few things, on  how I wanted to spend it.
I knew I wasn't going to Africa, and I knew I wasn't going to the beach. That was actually OK with me.

It had been almost 2 years since I had a vacation, and within that time so much had transpired, that really, all I wanted to do was rest..............simply rest. Body, mind and soul!

The first few days were actually kind of strange, only because I wasn't going and doing, or at least tried not to, at least the way I do at work, and to just "be", here at my house, with nothing really to do, but to be 100%  present with my animals, myself, my surroundings, and to just decompress all of the clutter that has accumulated since I have moved here.

Unraveling those feelings and putting them in place was such a catharsis. Along with all of the other feelings that come along with being single, liking it, when no one else does, (nor does anyone want me to be single, it's funny.) No one can comprehend the fact that it IS a wonderful thing to be alone, really digging into who you are. Don't get me wrong, I love the other, I am just not sure how much, in comparison.

In the beginning it felt as if 9 days was so short, not enough to get to where I want to be inside.
It's kind of like the Hurry slowly thing. Do what you need to do, be diligent, but do it slowly and with awareness.

One morning I got so incredibly excited when I woke up. I looked out at the lake, and just balled. It was a good ball though! I felt as if I had been given a chance. A chance for what? I do not know, but that is what I felt.
I quickly started organizing things so that I wouldn't have to do it later. I wanted as much time to myself as possible.
I knew I had already planned to do somewhat of a regimented workout program, just for grins, to see what I had in me these days, and too, to test my discipline and to let out some hugely pent up energy that has been needing to come out for quite some time now. Pacing the floor or making rounds around the restaurant makes for a great cardio workout, (not that I was looking for one), but somehow, for  me, when I am focused on my own workout plan, just to feel good, I wind up flying to the moon and back.

I did a program for myself like I would any client. I thought about where I am, physically and mentally, considered what I would realistically be willing to do, and not do, thought about food, and how I wanted to eat, what makes me feel good and what makes me feel like crap.
I did my own personal analysis.

I had been running the last several months with my dogs, and since they had gotten into a pack fight again, and now have to be separated, I take them for a run, one by one, every night and every morning to get some of their aggression out. Well......not only did it take their aggression out, it has alleviated a lot of pent of energy and thoughts that I have had for a long, long time now.

An hour or two of running everyday will heal the worst "sinner", (and I say that word jokingly).

It was almost natural that with my time off, I would accelerate that and start doing something really good for myself. Something structured, something to focus on.

All I wanted to do was eat well, and only the things that I knew my body liked and wanted. No exceptions, (only once at blue bonnet cafe eating my favorite lemon meringue pie and banana creme pie), and..... of course I felt drugged the whole way home, but didn't care, it was so awesome!

I wanted to be in nature, of course, ride my bike, garden, cook, redecorate, organize things that had been sitting since I moved here, and to read! Read, read, and read!

Nothing in there said "Be with people", or talk on phones, or socialize, or anything close to that. I was pretty sure that wasn't going to happen, with the exception of meeting with a dog pack specialist who will be more than helpful along my journey, I am sure!

Friends would say, "Gabriela, Go have fun.............go out........do fun things.............have a blast".............and I started to feel guilty that the things I wanted to do were not so great for a "vacation", and was left again with, "Is there something wrong with me?"

I know there isn't... but when no one I know wants to be alone as much as I do, and wants so much quiet, as I do, I begin to wonder and question. Or, maybe they do, but they just can't or won't.......who knows?

My days started to gel and have a routine that felt sooooooo incredibly good, so soul satisfying that it became contagious!

I wanted more and more, because whatever I was doing was filling me up like nothing had in a long, long time. The quiet, the intuition ...........listening to my body, literally taking long moments to actually listen to what it wanted, checking in with it every so often to see and hear what it wanted. Your body truly does talk to you in volumes if you let it, and tells you exactly what it wants, and, how often.
I took all advice and adhered.
Not, I want to lose weight, be fit, stop this or that, but what is it that truly makes me feel whole, inside and out?? What are those things and what to do to make that sensation ten fold?

Well, it wasn't much of a surprise!

Quiet, reading, learning, digesting life, listening, watching life, birds, going for walks, for runs, swimming, being whole in those experiences, listening, listening, listening ............... allowing the sounds of the earth to reverberate inside.... watching a bird for more than a second.....more than two, feeling what it is like to be on the same ground, same turf....communicating with them in their language...........shopping for vegetables, for fish, for meat, for herbs, and anything that would accentuate or complete a meal that I thought would be phenomenal....... finding the right wine........... being particular because I had the time and I could, for god's sake, I could be particular....nobody rushing me, not looking at a clock...........
my simple drives home........in my sweet car........ still new, still wondering how we get to be so lucky to get from A to Z in these little suckers........ God, we are so lucky!

I got to feed the birds like crazy. My poor IPhone was going to blow up I took so many  pictures of birds eating out of the feeders, squirrels on the railing, blue jays, cardinals, little finches.......... just amazing to me. If that had been the only thing I did on vacation I would have been truly happy out on my deck, sipping coffee or wine, depending on the time!

I loved waking up to the dogs, taking my time with each one, putting on my classical music, making coffee, and making my way out onto the deck. I always bring my notebook and usually journal, write poetry, letters, or just whatever pops up. To me, if I have it there, I can write if the mood strikes me, if not, it is just as quiet as could be, the dogs are content and I swear it literally is like I have died and gone to heaven. I think of returning to work and it saddens me, to be so far removed from this place of quietude. I love my job and being social but man, I have to tell you...........they are two separate lives.......... both great, but............... hhhhmmmmm...... wow........... I dunno!

Ya know, I willingly write all of this stuff when I don't have to. I hear people say, "You have checked out", you are not based in reality, or you are such a hippie........... whatever they deem me, but I will have to say, for myself, that this is more of a life than what people are living. First off, it is a joke that I am a hippie, I was born in the 60's but was a mere pup in the woods. I have worn Patchouli for over 25 years, I care to love and not hate! If that makes me a hippie, so be it! I am a conscious, aware human being that is sensitive to nature, animals and our earth.............. is that being a hippie or smart? Is that being a hippie or appreciative? I dunno........ you tell me!

I write not to make a point, ever, really, but to share myself because it is a passion of mine. Certainly not to get validation from anyone. After all, I have no clue, honestly, outside of my email list, who gets this, and how it will affect them. That's alright with me.

I simply write for the day, for my moments, what transpires, and how it affectes me. I do hope that somehow, in my writings, that it helps someone, in some small fashion.
I think that I have had  plenty of life experiences that would aid in someones growth, so if I am to share some whereabouts, or life situations, that have occured for me, and they in fact help you, in your day........ I am all about it!

That is why 9 days of Nothin' is such a precious thing. It gives me time to drink some really good nectar. To separate myself from what daily life offers and to be able to see life from a more objective perspective, one that hears the call of the divine, and can openly receive that, take it all in, and forge forward with an organic knowledge that will change my days and months to come.
Giving yourself "time off" is some of the best, most crucial advice I would  ever share with anyone.
No matter what you do, who you are, or where you are............ EVERYONE NEEDS A BREAK from their minds, from their everyday realities, and from the people they love most. It doesn't mean you don't love them, it means, you are loving them more, by giving yourself what you need, and in turn, giving them, the whole of yourself.

To me, you are doing them a great favor...........forget the dinner you didn't cook.

I am afraid that 9 days of nothin' could turn into 20 days of nothin, to 100 days of nothin, to an insurmountable time alone that would fill 900 cups full of  a love that would be inexpressible.

I'll just stay here for now!

I'll let my moments guide me.

Give yourself time.......... away. Find time to contemplate life, your surroundings, and the smallest things that you noticed as a child. You'll see what I mean.

It may not be 9 days, but you're gonna have to start somewhere.

I love you guys......... honestly.....like crazy!

Thank you so much for sharing your lives with me.

Love always,
Gabriela