I almost don't know where to start, although I know once I start, you will say, "Here she goes, she's on a roll", and maybe I will read this when it comes time for the weekend, when I don't have to scroll down my phone, and maybe can sit for a bit to read such long blogs".
That's OK. I'll take the punches!
As of today, I am finally able to drive after a long, long year! Yes, aside from borrowing a friends truck for short period of time, I have been taking Taxi Cabs to work, or having co-workers take me to work, or whatever other creative means I have drummed up, to make it to work, with all of the interesting and eclectic circumstances of Gabriela's little life.
It has literally been, almost to the day, give or take a few, 365 days without driving.
This by all means is not to feel sorry for me. It is just factual information that I want to share because it has a lot of meaning, not because you need to say awwww, or too bad, or anything like that!
I want to share the enormity of my experiences, with any kind of words I can muster up, that would possibly give credence to the magnitude of what has transpired in this last year, just without wheels. Not being able to get to a store, the post office, the vet, to work, to the dentist, to my therapist, to a mall, to get a haircut, to buy a shirt, or shorts, to grocery shop, to buy a card for a birthday if you wanted to, to get stamps, to get dog food, cat food.............
Honestly, this last year, without getting into great detail, has become the teacher of all teachers for me! It has brought me to such a core place inside, so raw, so real, and so simple, that I am not sure I can go back to the place I was one year ago, flitting around, taking for granted, how amazingly beautiful, and LUXURIOUS it is, to be able to have a vehicle to take you places, to get you to and from work, to get your coffee's, your lattes, your dry cleaning, your groceries.
I have made a divine friend in my body, to be able to walk places, to be able to take long stretches on a hot day, walking to the grocery store, to the meat market, to the post office, and actually to work.
I found the raw self again. The self that seems to get lost in today's world, full of luxury, full of conveniences, and full of things that generally take us away from our roots, our own bodies, and the great Mother Earth, which happens to be the most divine place I want to traipse upon, any day, my friend, rather than 6th street or Vespaio. ( And I do loves me some Vespaio).
I have made more exquisite love, in this last year, to Nature, than I ever have to any human being in my life!
I have to say, it just pales in comparison! Call me crazy!
The more time off I get, the more I devote myself to the great outdoors. It greets me with flowers, and song, birds that are gorgeous, like salt water fish, trees that are old, and wise, people, that are....old and wise..... structures that speak volumes, soil that speaks to me, and tells me it's heritage.
No, I''m not smokin somethin............. c'mon guys......get a little organic! Go back in time, or, up to date!
Put down the game boys and the Iphones and join me for just a little bit. I swear you would have a life changing experience!
Not only did I not have a car, but I chose not to watch TV, or listen to any radio.
The only music I listen to is the Symphony, Classical, and on the rare occasion that I want to feel uplifted, in a different kinda way, is to listen to my three favorites........ 70's music, Reggae, or Classic Rock.
They all get me to the same place, just in a different way.
Anyway, I'm writing because after a year of not driving, and having to be really resourceful, it has come to be THE MOST humbling experience ever!
I have started a book and plan to finish it, and in it will explain the details, the whys, the how's and what ever could come of something so 'Seemingly" little, as to not having a vehicle.
Not being able to drive, or get to where you need to be, is nothing to sneeze at.
In all of the forced situations, compiled with the ones I had choice over, it has been a monumental year. One that I want to celebrate!
Today, as I signed the papers at a car dealership, was a big deal to me.
It equaled a hard earned FREEDOM!
One that I am utterly grateful for.
Driving home I didn't even see the road the same. My experience was utterly spiritual .I could hardly stand it!
By the time I got to the restaurant that I went to with a friend, I parked and felt as though I was hyperventilating. This sounds over exaggerated, but I tell you, it transforms you, and brings you to such a place where you begin to wonder if you need to change things up a bit.
Cars are luxuries, and yes, there are a million other things that can go in the same category. Take all of them and see what you can do without them!
When you get into your vehicle, feel the seat beneath you. Look at everything!!!! Don't turn on the music just yet. Drive in the awareness that you are free, and able, to drive something that will get you from A to B.
Don't just throw your stuff in the passenger seat, get in, and start the car!
Get in. Put the key in. Be aware of every last little thing.
God, you may not have that vehicle again, for some reason or another.
Some people can acclimate more than others.
You don't need to have a rude awakening.
It is good to be aware that this..........your car, (and apply it to other things as well) is a convenience for you, but if for some reason, it is gone, or is taken away from you for some reason, you don't want to feel as if you are in the dessert with no water.
Me? I am a survivor in every sense of the word. It may hurt, tug and pull at me, but I will always come through! I am a fighter.
Those walks to the grocery store made me walk faster, start running and eventually sprinting, to where I have not run like this in years.
These walks have made me take hours with my dogs into nature, and on walks that they need. They made me get closer to the nature, where I prefer to be at all times.
I am
more present
available
and open
to what IS!
It will be a test for me.
To have a car
and not fall back into
what "seems to be"
as opposed to
"what is".
Everyone has their homework cut out for them.
I don't ever want to lose sight of the rawness that life has to offer.
I also don't want to put myself on the podium of being scathed to death.
I just want to participate in life, organically, and too, be hip to the "going on's", and act accordingly.
I am a pioneer in my own life.
I don't profess to be anyone or anything.
I am here like you!
My heart is full, and in dire need of expression.
That is it, really!
However that surfaces, is great, so long as it makes you smile, makes me full, and people are dancing for no reason...........that's the stuff that makes me go nuts................... in a grand, grand, way!
DON'T TAKE THIS LIFE FOR GRANTED! WE HAVE PRECIOUS THINGS............PRECIOUS PEOPLE............ANIMALS...............
Get to noticin' these things.................they will, indeed transform your soul!
I love you all so, so sincerely,
Thank you for being a part of my life....... as little or as large............ you are in my life for a reason.
Thank you, so, so much!
Goodnight and may all your dreams, however big or small, come true!
Gabriela ~
No comments:
Post a Comment