KIND OF A CONTINUATION...........

.....Of yesterday's blog, that has stayed with me today, very deeply!

I feel as if my life is being seen through a strobe light. The more I step back, and find a neutral, objective place inside to view things from, the more I find that there really is NOTHING to DO! I don't have to figure out how to get from A to B, or how to "get over" this, or get over that. From that place inside, everything really IS well, and OK inside. Even though it may not be on the outside, time spent in that realization allows more patience, more compassion for yourself, and your evolution and whatever that may entail. You become so giving to yourself, as you would others, and the feeling is awesome! I am learning to give to me, as I do others. It feels really good. I'm not perfect but really, I am not looking to be. I guess I always strive to be the kind of person I love, and I can easily find fault in my imperfections, but hay, welcome to the human psyche that needs to get a grip! Honestly!

I have realized though, that when I am off from work, and have ample time to get settled inside, my life is amazingly different, and really this doesn't come as a surprise. Anyone who spends that much time talking, or doing, and moving will have monumental experiences when it comes time to get quiet and really listen to the soul. That much noise in any ones life will always make for a struggle and a race to utilize time off to get to some core place, other than a noise filled atmosphere. That is why I do not miss watching TV. I rarely listen to anything but Classical music, or Jazz, or my fun Reggae station. Anything to keep me inspired and anything but Frank Sinatra, unfortunately, he was one of my favorites until I found this job.

The whole DEATH AND DYING topic can carry so many titles, so many conversations, and as I said, yesterday kicked it off with my baby fawn, and into the night it went. I couldn't sleep! I can see the entire sky lit up at night from my bed. It keeps me where I want to be. It is perplexing, and not in a bad way, but keeps me inquisitive, not bored, and always passionate about my little time here, on this earth, how precious every thing is, and how I need to keep myself good inside, innocent enough to respect and honor the most simple things that people seem to forget.

As corny as this sounds, or spiritual, or whatever it may seem, I really do try to be so present with people, so aware of my connections, the depths of them, or seriously, the non depth in some, and see it for what it is, and love it accordingly. Does that make sense?

Continuing from yesterday would be seeing what is in front of you, and knowing that it will not stay, or, it may. The Fawn struggled to leave, as much as I wanted it to stay. That few moments felt historic to me! As much as I wanted to hold onto those moments, it left me, and moved on. God, I will never forget that 3 or 5 minutes in my  life. I swear if I live to be 70 or 80, I promise you, I will tell someone that story.
So then think of  people in your life who have affected you in some way. They may not be in your life anymore, but the remnants of their affect on you will be inside of you forever.
If we can  possibly move through life, enjoying and appreciating everything, and tiny moments, and situations,seemingly good or bad, and people who come into our lives for spans of time, and then seem to be gone, and  really be OK with the movement........... we will soar, literally SOAR.

It takes so much to be consciously detached! It is not negating any kind of emotion that may come with the movement, but making it a reality in your life, that things will always be changing, and things don't always go the way we want them to.
In that, is a huge responsibility to your soul. The soul who innately knows the scoop on things, but is waiting for you to catch up a little.

If I can be grateful for anything in my life right now, and there are many, it would be for this exquisite, exquisite, time alone, away from the norm, deep into my being, and exploring every little thing that is happening, outside of what I may seem to be at work.

I have always had the feeling that I would not live into my old age. I am not sure if that will be true or not.

Sometimes I feel as if the reason why I am so passionate about life, and my moments, are because my life is condensed somehow, for some reason. I really don't know. What I do know is that whether I pass tomorrow, or in 40 years from now, I will not have missed a beat.

I'm not lookin for the millions, or the big this, or big that, more of this, and more of that.

I'm looking right in front of my face, at this computer, with all of the things that I love around me, the music I want playing, the quietude, the silence of the  night, and seriously knowing that if somehow, this were to be the last of  my moments, I would go peacefully.
That doesn't mean there are things that I wouldn't want to do, or things I would like to say to people, but inside, soulfully............ I'm good. Something out there beckons me on a regular basis, and to tell you the Truth, the best love I have made, and am making,  is in these moments, with myself, with a Source, if you will, that stays just mysterious enough to keep my attention, but that makes me feel whole, safe, and rest assured that it will always be there.

Love is constant.
Love is pure!

The sacredness of that experience inside will take you so far, and give you any and everything you have ever asked for.

There may be many deaths, but there are just as  many births..............

To that, I bow, and give my entire being to............ unabashed............ with no reservations!

I am diving.........not knowing............where I will fall.

Thank you for these moments in time..........

I honestly just want to disappear in them.

Goodnight, and sweet dreams to all of you!

My wish is for you to have all that you deserve!

Gabriela