It's so funny to see things unfold in natural ways, as opposed to forcing something to happen when, like I have said, "Maybe it's just not ready yet".
Life somehow brings in the things that you need to know, or need to see, when you are ready.
Sometimes it brings it, and you see it, and you turn your head. Yes, this would mean, you are just not ready for that thing.......not yet anyway!
I think we sometimes silently ask for things to happen, or for us to overcome, or to start doing, or stop doing, and when it comes, we forget that was something that we "kind of" asked for.
It could be little things, like changing the way you eat, even if it is healthy. Maybe that healthy thing isn't good for you anymore, and you have to uncover why, and get rid of it.
Our bodies are changing all of the time, and what once worked, and felt great, may not be the case now.
OK, OK, I'll use me as an example.
Yesterday I felt fine as fine could be. It was a great day, beautiful out, I had tons of energy, and wow, read my blog......I FELT GREAT!
I made myself, what I would call a healthy dinner. Plainly baked chicken with some cauliflower and broccoli. Can't get any healthier than that........ I guess if I trimmed the fat more, but c'mon, really....... chicken is chicken, is chicken!
I ate, got dressed and a friend picked me up so we could go to the Symphony together.
Drove downtown, it was gorgeous out. We walked a ways to get to the theatre, and sat inside and WOW, how incredible!!! That would almost have to be a second blog...........The Symphony, that is.
During the show I felt a huge headache come on, and I attributed it to allergies. Who knows in Austin, right?
Well, we leave and I progressively got worse, and the whole way home I felt completely nauseated and actually had to pull over so I could get sick.
I really didn't want to tell you all of those details, but it's the story, what can I tell ya?
I couldn't wait to get in the door to my house, and there it was. The entire night of getting sick and well..........you know the feeling when you are getting sick.......... Where's my mommy? haha. You are so uncomfortable and too, I just could not understand what happened.
The only thing I could think of was the food I had eaten.
I know it is true that 99.9 % of how we feel is from what we are ingesting. It can get very detailed, (interesting for me) , since I have always been into nutrition and how the body functions.
So, this morning, although it doesn't seem to be completely out of my system, whatever it is, has made me realize, that there is more to fine tune with my body. Yes, it could have been bad chicken, or bad cauliflower, hahaha that seems funny, and I am being sarcastic about that, but the truth is.............YOUR BODY DOES KNOW.
Just like our intuition about people, places, energy and decision making, our bodies are so incredibly intuitive, and these days, my intuition is my best friend, so.............. I get to look at how else I can fine tune this little thing, so that it runs pretty good. Not just pretty good, but excellent. I have a long way to go for that since I like to indulge here and there. I love food, what can I say?
There was a time when I was so diligent and made no bones about the good and the bad for the body. I was on it like no bodies business. But, I have to say, it was somewhat boring, and it curtailed a lot of my social activities.
Hay wanna have brunch? "Uh,no thanks, I'm making my Buckwheat Pancakes with Flax oil and cinnamon".
Hay, wanna go to dinner? "Uh, maybe another time, I'm making Tofurkey".
Hay, wanna celebrate the New Year, bring it in with a nice glass of Champagne?
"Uhhh, sure, but, uh.......I'll be right back, I'll go get my Martinelli's Sparkling cider".
NOT............. where I am headed these days.
There is that middle way knocking at my door again.
I want to listen to what my body, mind and soul tell me, and use it to my best ability.........make my life conducive and happy..............not climbing up this arduous path to "enlightenment", with a block of Tofu under my arms.
I'll take my lasagna thanks............and yes, that would be with some good sausage too!
So, maybe no chicken. I'll try turkey today. Who knows?!
I'm being funny but serious too.
Listen to what your body says. It doesn't lie.
And, like I said, it doesn't have to be quitting Cheetos's or Oreos. It could be that your very favorite healthy food or snack is making you feel like you just ran a marathon, or NOT!
OK, one more quick story and I have to B line it to my favorite Italian Restaurant.
When I lived in LA, I was at the epitome of healthy. Worked out 2 hours a day, ate impeccably and had the energy of a 12 year old.
I ate all whole grains, vegetables, fruits,no dairy, and no processed foods whatsoever.
I ate mostly whole wheat everything, oats, oh, you name the grain, it was in my cabinet. (couldn't bring myself to say cupboard).
Well, long story short, I couldn't sleep at night I had soooooooo much energy. I thought, WOW, THIS IS GREAT! Some people would kill to have this kind of energy.
Well, come to find out, after a short walk one morning on Sunset Blvd, I ran into a woman who was walking her dog, (so much for long story short), we wound up talking about allergies and such. She wound up telling me how incredibly allergic she was to Whole Wheat.
LIGHT BULB SEEN! DING DING!
She went on to tell me all of the side affects that whole wheat has on the body, and man, wouldn't you know it, I had every darn symptom there was.
I didn't have energy. That was called rapid heart palpitations from something that my body just did not want, along with skin allergies, bumps all over, that I said was from heat rash. Bloated stomach that I thought was from eating too many veggies. No this would be ALLERGIC REACTIONS.
A little Angel came my way for some further digging into my body and it's own wellness.
I caught it.
Look for the signs, whether it be your own body telling you something, a person saying something that you may just need to hear, or a physical sign somewhere, that speaks to you.
INTUITION........AND YOUR OWN INNER GUIDANCE WILL NEVER FAIL YOU.
Gotta run.............
More tomorrow.
Mucho love,
as always.
Gabriela
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Saturday, February 27, 2010
FEELS SO GOOD TO FEEL GOOD
It's not only good to feel good in one or two aspects of your world, but when you feel good on the inside AND out, that is when you can jump back and kiss yourself for some hard earned homework that you have allowed to set in and become some solid reality instead of sitting in bed, just thinking about it, or dreaming of this kind of state.
I think my life warrants some star on the forehead, or even just a "Good Job" Gabriela, for some things that have gone on, and really, today, right now, I can say, a lot of things are still going on, (after all, this IS LIFE),but I have made it to a point where I feel great inside, no matter the circumstances, and have beaten down the dragons with some inner sword that has truly become my very best friend.
I really do believe that when things are ready to change, they do, and it takes on a life of it's own, inside.
You can do all of the outer work on yourself like, study, read, meditate, and do all of the great things that are stepping stones to actually just, "being", and "allowing", and living solely by your intuition. But I have come to realize, for myself, that when things are ready to change, there is an innate power, that just moves right on in, and kind of leads the way. Call it what you want! There are many spiritual and intellectual meanings to this kind of way, but to me, it simply is, following the energy that already exists within and knows, without a shadow of a doubt, what needs to happen.
Intuition!!
I can pan back on my life in the last year and say, "I knew not to do this or that" in certain situations, and instead, I did what "seemed" right, or what others thought. That was OK, because at the time, my life seemed way too confusing for me to logically or even spiritually figure out what step to take next. That is how clouded things were. You believe that things are out of your control, and really, they just aren't. That is a rough, rough feeling, and hard to see out of that box when you believing it to be so, so real!
I also know that there are things that naturally come to light, maybe after we have gone through the thick of the mud, and we wonder why we took on such crazy body stress, such inner craziness and all of the stuff that comes along with us being off the track of trueness. We then find ourselves onto the track of believing something that we truly just...... ARE NOT!
There are a million ways to make ourselves feel better, and like I said, when we are in the thick of it, who wants to come up with some formula to feel better when we feel so darn beaten down? It seems as if that feeling is just what is happening and it takes everything, I mean everything, to get to a place of comfort and feeling safe. But, but............ coming out on the other end, and too, being in this process, I am coming up with some realistic, and tender ways to communicate JUST HOW, to skip by, at least SOME of these unnecessary roads, to be able to make life a little easier for us, to not believe so much, that the small things that we THINK WE ARE, are, in fact NOT the Truth.
I know this is what books are for, and therapists, and that list goes on, but not everyone has money for a therapist, unless you find one that really goes the extra mile, like I have! And, by all means, I AM NOT...........I REPEAT, I AM NOT.........A THERAPIST........... but, I am just me, who has gone through some things and if I can share some easy road, via this little blog, and if by chance, it seems to help lighten your load, than some good has been done, somewhere out there. Love is a beautiful domino effect. What one gives so freely, allows the next to give, just the same, and so how it should be, at least in my world.
I have no expectations of DOING anything, truly, but it does excite me, especially lately, when I wake up so incredibly grateful for my life, look out and am ecstatic about the day, see the small things and have not lost my sense of innocence. I can smell the air like I have never smelled fresh, crisp air before and am able to feel an inner blast of love that only comes with remembering who the heck this little shit is....( that would be me)...........Than life is good, and I can say, "Right on........right on Gabriela, you have done something good". "You have found a way to dig down into the trenches of your soul to find out who you really are, outside of all of the crap that life can sometimes play out". GOOD FOR YOU!
Acknowledgement of your work is sometimes worth more than everything put together.
If I can actually recognize the road that I traveled, the instances that worked, that didn't work and make some changes and grow with that...........apply the goods that are now really blown up, honestly, so blown up, like looking up into the sky and seeing a plane write my story line in the sky........ than I think that deserves some sort of credence.
Really, it gets that obvious, and yet, I don't want to get too comfortable thinking that I know it so well that I treat it as if it's a done deal.
It's NEVER a done deal to me.
In my opinion, our lessons keep coming back, and back, and back, and we get the chance to see how much we have grown, by how we treat those situations time and time again.
I had a situation recently that came to me, and I literally got to watch the whole scenario, (a big, unsurprising scenario for me) unfold, and seriously, because it has happened SO MUCH FOR ME IN MY LIFE, I gladly, at this point,was able to see it for what it was/is, and am able to make choices, even if they seem kind of hard. I am able to see the road ahead with some clarity, rather than jumping into something that would feel good in the moment, or even months or even years ahead. I got the story line down, and thankfully, I mean, really thankfully, I am saving myself some good quality time that otherwise would have been a trap or illusion to fulfill some sort of emptiness that just wasn't being fulfilled by my own willingness to get to know myself a little more.
OK, if that is getting a bit too Psyche...........delic for ya, I'll stop now, but ..........such is my feeling so wonderful these days. Being able to look in hind site, getting it, and actually applying it to the NOW!
FEELS SO GOOD TO FEEL GOOD!
Today is awesome! It's beautiful out, the sailboats are all out, the butterflies are swarming in the yard, my dogs are precious, 70's music playin' in the house, doors wide open and I feel frigin healthy................. I'm off for my walk with the dogs, then to the Symphony with a precious friend! I cannot wait!
That isn't too shabby for a day off......... and for the days ahead when I am working, and laughing to myself that I am finally getting it!
Ain't no stoppin' me!
DON'T LET ANYTHING STOP YOU FROM GROWING AND LEARNING AND LOVING!
We have everything we need right here inside. Don't go on any treasure hunts............... it just becomes a game that never ends. Start right where you are..........and don't budge to save your life!!!!
I am so grateful to everyone who has made my life more clear, less heavy, and the ones who have held my hand through some of the toughest times ever!
I LOVE YOU MORE THAN YOU KNOW!
Enjoy Every Last Second,
Now,
and
Always.
Gabriela
I think my life warrants some star on the forehead, or even just a "Good Job" Gabriela, for some things that have gone on, and really, today, right now, I can say, a lot of things are still going on, (after all, this IS LIFE),but I have made it to a point where I feel great inside, no matter the circumstances, and have beaten down the dragons with some inner sword that has truly become my very best friend.
I really do believe that when things are ready to change, they do, and it takes on a life of it's own, inside.
You can do all of the outer work on yourself like, study, read, meditate, and do all of the great things that are stepping stones to actually just, "being", and "allowing", and living solely by your intuition. But I have come to realize, for myself, that when things are ready to change, there is an innate power, that just moves right on in, and kind of leads the way. Call it what you want! There are many spiritual and intellectual meanings to this kind of way, but to me, it simply is, following the energy that already exists within and knows, without a shadow of a doubt, what needs to happen.
Intuition!!
I can pan back on my life in the last year and say, "I knew not to do this or that" in certain situations, and instead, I did what "seemed" right, or what others thought. That was OK, because at the time, my life seemed way too confusing for me to logically or even spiritually figure out what step to take next. That is how clouded things were. You believe that things are out of your control, and really, they just aren't. That is a rough, rough feeling, and hard to see out of that box when you believing it to be so, so real!
I also know that there are things that naturally come to light, maybe after we have gone through the thick of the mud, and we wonder why we took on such crazy body stress, such inner craziness and all of the stuff that comes along with us being off the track of trueness. We then find ourselves onto the track of believing something that we truly just...... ARE NOT!
There are a million ways to make ourselves feel better, and like I said, when we are in the thick of it, who wants to come up with some formula to feel better when we feel so darn beaten down? It seems as if that feeling is just what is happening and it takes everything, I mean everything, to get to a place of comfort and feeling safe. But, but............ coming out on the other end, and too, being in this process, I am coming up with some realistic, and tender ways to communicate JUST HOW, to skip by, at least SOME of these unnecessary roads, to be able to make life a little easier for us, to not believe so much, that the small things that we THINK WE ARE, are, in fact NOT the Truth.
I know this is what books are for, and therapists, and that list goes on, but not everyone has money for a therapist, unless you find one that really goes the extra mile, like I have! And, by all means, I AM NOT...........I REPEAT, I AM NOT.........A THERAPIST........... but, I am just me, who has gone through some things and if I can share some easy road, via this little blog, and if by chance, it seems to help lighten your load, than some good has been done, somewhere out there. Love is a beautiful domino effect. What one gives so freely, allows the next to give, just the same, and so how it should be, at least in my world.
I have no expectations of DOING anything, truly, but it does excite me, especially lately, when I wake up so incredibly grateful for my life, look out and am ecstatic about the day, see the small things and have not lost my sense of innocence. I can smell the air like I have never smelled fresh, crisp air before and am able to feel an inner blast of love that only comes with remembering who the heck this little shit is....( that would be me)...........Than life is good, and I can say, "Right on........right on Gabriela, you have done something good". "You have found a way to dig down into the trenches of your soul to find out who you really are, outside of all of the crap that life can sometimes play out". GOOD FOR YOU!
Acknowledgement of your work is sometimes worth more than everything put together.
If I can actually recognize the road that I traveled, the instances that worked, that didn't work and make some changes and grow with that...........apply the goods that are now really blown up, honestly, so blown up, like looking up into the sky and seeing a plane write my story line in the sky........ than I think that deserves some sort of credence.
Really, it gets that obvious, and yet, I don't want to get too comfortable thinking that I know it so well that I treat it as if it's a done deal.
It's NEVER a done deal to me.
In my opinion, our lessons keep coming back, and back, and back, and we get the chance to see how much we have grown, by how we treat those situations time and time again.
I had a situation recently that came to me, and I literally got to watch the whole scenario, (a big, unsurprising scenario for me) unfold, and seriously, because it has happened SO MUCH FOR ME IN MY LIFE, I gladly, at this point,was able to see it for what it was/is, and am able to make choices, even if they seem kind of hard. I am able to see the road ahead with some clarity, rather than jumping into something that would feel good in the moment, or even months or even years ahead. I got the story line down, and thankfully, I mean, really thankfully, I am saving myself some good quality time that otherwise would have been a trap or illusion to fulfill some sort of emptiness that just wasn't being fulfilled by my own willingness to get to know myself a little more.
OK, if that is getting a bit too Psyche...........delic for ya, I'll stop now, but ..........such is my feeling so wonderful these days. Being able to look in hind site, getting it, and actually applying it to the NOW!
FEELS SO GOOD TO FEEL GOOD!
Today is awesome! It's beautiful out, the sailboats are all out, the butterflies are swarming in the yard, my dogs are precious, 70's music playin' in the house, doors wide open and I feel frigin healthy................. I'm off for my walk with the dogs, then to the Symphony with a precious friend! I cannot wait!
That isn't too shabby for a day off......... and for the days ahead when I am working, and laughing to myself that I am finally getting it!
Ain't no stoppin' me!
DON'T LET ANYTHING STOP YOU FROM GROWING AND LEARNING AND LOVING!
We have everything we need right here inside. Don't go on any treasure hunts............... it just becomes a game that never ends. Start right where you are..........and don't budge to save your life!!!!
I am so grateful to everyone who has made my life more clear, less heavy, and the ones who have held my hand through some of the toughest times ever!
I LOVE YOU MORE THAN YOU KNOW!
Enjoy Every Last Second,
Now,
and
Always.
Gabriela
Friday, February 26, 2010
ANOTHER INCREDIBLE MORNING
Somehow all by itself, a groove has set in with my new schedule, and I am happy to say that I am not trying to keep my eyes open at night, trying to express just what the heck is going on in this small, but ginormous (I know that is not really a word) vessel. I get to wake up, fresh, and devote a certain period of time to writing, to walking, and just enjoying the quiet of the day, while everyone is at work. My animals literally wait for me, and we have this little thing going on each morning that really, I would not trade for the world.
There isn't much thinking to do, really, on a regular day, aside from taking care of daily responsibilities, and making time for my animals. So, with all that life has offered me in the recent past, I could really jump up and scream HALLELUJAH for forcing me into a place that I really wanted to be anyway.
The simplicity of my days are almost dream like, in a sense. It has come down to such basics that it has brought me to another reality, one that soooooooo needed to come full circle, especially panning back on say, the last 10 years or so.
I do know, that this is almost extreme, looking at the life I have led in the past.
People talk of finding the middle way, and I believe in that whole hearted. If I had time to write of how my life first started out, and then how it blossomed into another reality, and as you grow older, different circumstances find their way to you, and you see, in retrospect, how you are innately trying to find out who the heck you are in all of your blind, or not so blind choices, and in there, you see somewhat of a zig zag-ness to your life's patterns.
For me, I pan back on my life and it just amazes me. It truly intrigues me to the enth degree!!
To see the whys, the how's, and how it all relates on a spiritual level, a psychological level, and how naturally, at some point, our human nature wants to know why???
Why this and why that?
I know that is not just me!
Some ask this early on, like me, at age 5, 6, 7 and wow, 15 years old was a doozy!! The way I am now is the way I was at 15~
(people ask why I don' t have a child?) I could never imagine answering some of the questions I had asked my mother at 15. There is no way!
Anyway, I think we are all trying to get to a certain middle ground. One that feels right for us. No ones road is the same, so I cannot look at Joe's life and judge, as to where he is in his life, or where he is not. Who is to say what his life patterns are and why? It is not for me to know, or make a call on. And visa verse.
You cannot look at my life, and see what your eyes choose to see, and make some solid statement about it. How can you really? Have you ridden on a flying horse through the course of my journey here? Probably not, so it really is silly to say that you have an opinion about someones course in life.
I have been doing some specific work with someone very special who has helped me to have that same objective look at my own life, to have that much compassion and a non- judgemental view on my OWN life and the events that have occurred in it.
It makes me understand, more than ever, how easy it is for us to place judgement on each other, when we cannot even have that same compassion for ourselves, and the things that have happened to us, or situations that have shown up that we just have had no control over.
It is a huge awakening for me, and refreshing when I can see it all in a clear light.
I have always been one to "escape" regular life and find anything that would take me to a more innocent, more pure ground. Anything, than what was in my world. That isn't to say that what was in my world wasn't good. I had a childhood, in some ways, like others. Regular stuff, school, friends, playing softball, TV and all of the norm that goes on.
As a kid, I even wanted to escape that!
I made an underground fort. I'd hide all of my books and magazines in there. I'd bring my backpack, a notepad, and a flashlight, pillows, a blanket, and a little tape recorder.
It was in the woods, and man, you could not have given me a better place to retreat to.
I would write, and write, and write. Talk in that recorder about what was happening outside in nature, write about it, and in my own right, I was so high on that experience, that when I returned home, it was always, always, such a bummer, to then "come down" to everyday normal life, inside, with fried chicken from Kentucky Fried Chicken, cole slaw, and watching the Brady Bunch.
I would adjust, actually, just as I do now, when I leave here in the morning, in my incredible nucleus of "my kind of world", and I head to work, wondering...........WHY?
Not why do I have to work, but why is there that separation? At least so vastly different?
I carry this experience with me, and it is grand.......... but there is a coming down, to some degree, and it saddens me to not have the time to make that grow even more, with more time spent in nature, or just having that quality time alone to stay here, in this loveliness.
There is a middle way.
I have spend years with a Spiritual teacher living in extremes.........that is not for me, at least with such rules and regulations.
I have been a wild banshee, and trust me, wild at heart............. in every way..............that extreme was not for me............ and there are a million other things that are being filtered as to what is me and what is not me, but I will have to say, that this simple living...........this very simple living............. I have returned to, IS FOR ME.
A friend who used to be with me in the years with my Spiritual teacher wrote to me and said, "From reading your blog, it sounds like you are still "there".
Before I met my spiritual teacher, I lived most of my childhood, teens and twenties, in a very spiritual way. Searching, meditating, spending excessive time in nature, being alone, discovering myself inside and out. By the time I met my spiritual teacher, it was just an extension of who I had already discovered I was.
Some people, when they met our Spiritual teacher, had never even thought about spirituality. They had a completely different take on life, with view points, opinions and skepticism about many things, especially spirituality, yet, somehow they found a way to bring in such a presence, via a "Spiritual Guide", and boom....... a life unfolds, again, different for all of us.
After I left that arena, I swung back to old ways only because I rebelled against such hard core rules, but in time, have found myself back to the very same simple ways that resonate with me, minus the rules, the regulations and all of the many crazy do's, don'ts, should and shouldn'ts.
I embrace all of life. I am a huge allowance for all things. If it is in front of me, it is for a reason, and I can politely say, yes, or no.
Not, OH MY GOD, I CAN'T........SUCH AND SUCH SAID THAT IS A BAD IDEA.
Plainly, I don't care for that, thanks. Or, heck yea..........I'll try that, or do that! That looks like fun!
Who said that was "Bad?"
Well, I can see that this subject could go on forever.
MIDDLE GROUND !!!!
There is always a searching.
No matter the title.
I say, 'WHATEVER IT TAKES".
We are like little kids trying to put together a puzzle.
Make it fun.
Soon, the puzzle will be completed...........and IF NOT................
Hopefully you had fun trying to put the pieces together.
Puzzles are hard!!
Depends on the scenery.
I always happened to pick the ones with all of the lakes, streams, trees with tons of colors, and blue, blue waters with rocks upon rocks.............mountains and such.
Go ahead with that puzzle............. one took me years..................
I did have a great sense of completion when I finished it and remember pasting it together, as to never forget the tenacity it took to see it through!
Maybe when I am old and grey, I will have enough paste to spread over my time here, to secure it all in one big puzzle and frame it for some other crazy fool that will embark on the same hungry, passionate, nail biting journey that has given me some definite character driven attributes.
~ Touche to the Middle Way!
There isn't much thinking to do, really, on a regular day, aside from taking care of daily responsibilities, and making time for my animals. So, with all that life has offered me in the recent past, I could really jump up and scream HALLELUJAH for forcing me into a place that I really wanted to be anyway.
The simplicity of my days are almost dream like, in a sense. It has come down to such basics that it has brought me to another reality, one that soooooooo needed to come full circle, especially panning back on say, the last 10 years or so.
I do know, that this is almost extreme, looking at the life I have led in the past.
People talk of finding the middle way, and I believe in that whole hearted. If I had time to write of how my life first started out, and then how it blossomed into another reality, and as you grow older, different circumstances find their way to you, and you see, in retrospect, how you are innately trying to find out who the heck you are in all of your blind, or not so blind choices, and in there, you see somewhat of a zig zag-ness to your life's patterns.
For me, I pan back on my life and it just amazes me. It truly intrigues me to the enth degree!!
To see the whys, the how's, and how it all relates on a spiritual level, a psychological level, and how naturally, at some point, our human nature wants to know why???
Why this and why that?
I know that is not just me!
Some ask this early on, like me, at age 5, 6, 7 and wow, 15 years old was a doozy!! The way I am now is the way I was at 15~
(people ask why I don' t have a child?) I could never imagine answering some of the questions I had asked my mother at 15. There is no way!
Anyway, I think we are all trying to get to a certain middle ground. One that feels right for us. No ones road is the same, so I cannot look at Joe's life and judge, as to where he is in his life, or where he is not. Who is to say what his life patterns are and why? It is not for me to know, or make a call on. And visa verse.
You cannot look at my life, and see what your eyes choose to see, and make some solid statement about it. How can you really? Have you ridden on a flying horse through the course of my journey here? Probably not, so it really is silly to say that you have an opinion about someones course in life.
I have been doing some specific work with someone very special who has helped me to have that same objective look at my own life, to have that much compassion and a non- judgemental view on my OWN life and the events that have occurred in it.
It makes me understand, more than ever, how easy it is for us to place judgement on each other, when we cannot even have that same compassion for ourselves, and the things that have happened to us, or situations that have shown up that we just have had no control over.
It is a huge awakening for me, and refreshing when I can see it all in a clear light.
I have always been one to "escape" regular life and find anything that would take me to a more innocent, more pure ground. Anything, than what was in my world. That isn't to say that what was in my world wasn't good. I had a childhood, in some ways, like others. Regular stuff, school, friends, playing softball, TV and all of the norm that goes on.
As a kid, I even wanted to escape that!
I made an underground fort. I'd hide all of my books and magazines in there. I'd bring my backpack, a notepad, and a flashlight, pillows, a blanket, and a little tape recorder.
It was in the woods, and man, you could not have given me a better place to retreat to.
I would write, and write, and write. Talk in that recorder about what was happening outside in nature, write about it, and in my own right, I was so high on that experience, that when I returned home, it was always, always, such a bummer, to then "come down" to everyday normal life, inside, with fried chicken from Kentucky Fried Chicken, cole slaw, and watching the Brady Bunch.
I would adjust, actually, just as I do now, when I leave here in the morning, in my incredible nucleus of "my kind of world", and I head to work, wondering...........WHY?
Not why do I have to work, but why is there that separation? At least so vastly different?
I carry this experience with me, and it is grand.......... but there is a coming down, to some degree, and it saddens me to not have the time to make that grow even more, with more time spent in nature, or just having that quality time alone to stay here, in this loveliness.
There is a middle way.
I have spend years with a Spiritual teacher living in extremes.........that is not for me, at least with such rules and regulations.
I have been a wild banshee, and trust me, wild at heart............. in every way..............that extreme was not for me............ and there are a million other things that are being filtered as to what is me and what is not me, but I will have to say, that this simple living...........this very simple living............. I have returned to, IS FOR ME.
A friend who used to be with me in the years with my Spiritual teacher wrote to me and said, "From reading your blog, it sounds like you are still "there".
Before I met my spiritual teacher, I lived most of my childhood, teens and twenties, in a very spiritual way. Searching, meditating, spending excessive time in nature, being alone, discovering myself inside and out. By the time I met my spiritual teacher, it was just an extension of who I had already discovered I was.
Some people, when they met our Spiritual teacher, had never even thought about spirituality. They had a completely different take on life, with view points, opinions and skepticism about many things, especially spirituality, yet, somehow they found a way to bring in such a presence, via a "Spiritual Guide", and boom....... a life unfolds, again, different for all of us.
After I left that arena, I swung back to old ways only because I rebelled against such hard core rules, but in time, have found myself back to the very same simple ways that resonate with me, minus the rules, the regulations and all of the many crazy do's, don'ts, should and shouldn'ts.
I embrace all of life. I am a huge allowance for all things. If it is in front of me, it is for a reason, and I can politely say, yes, or no.
Not, OH MY GOD, I CAN'T........SUCH AND SUCH SAID THAT IS A BAD IDEA.
Plainly, I don't care for that, thanks. Or, heck yea..........I'll try that, or do that! That looks like fun!
Who said that was "Bad?"
Well, I can see that this subject could go on forever.
MIDDLE GROUND !!!!
There is always a searching.
No matter the title.
I say, 'WHATEVER IT TAKES".
We are like little kids trying to put together a puzzle.
Make it fun.
Soon, the puzzle will be completed...........and IF NOT................
Hopefully you had fun trying to put the pieces together.
Puzzles are hard!!
Depends on the scenery.
I always happened to pick the ones with all of the lakes, streams, trees with tons of colors, and blue, blue waters with rocks upon rocks.............mountains and such.
Go ahead with that puzzle............. one took me years..................
I did have a great sense of completion when I finished it and remember pasting it together, as to never forget the tenacity it took to see it through!
Maybe when I am old and grey, I will have enough paste to spread over my time here, to secure it all in one big puzzle and frame it for some other crazy fool that will embark on the same hungry, passionate, nail biting journey that has given me some definite character driven attributes.
~ Touche to the Middle Way!
Thursday, February 25, 2010
THE DEEPER I GO....
......it seems as if time melts away, and everything around me that was once seemingly important, has faded in the background, and now sits there as a mere back drop to my life.
Almost like props to decorate a life that isn't even seen.
Everything this morning is as if I had just made the most passionate love to it.
My senses are so acute.
It seems as if everything is in slow motion, and my awareness has been re-born, even from yesterday.
Just going to get some eggs out of the refrigerator was a moment in time. How could I ever describe the depth of awareness that has come over me? Everything I looked at, touched, and saw, in my reality, was an extension of a life force that is so far beyond expression, that I literally HAD to move that slow, just because I saw it all happening and wanted to grasp the enormity of what "someone" or "something" out there was showing me, or teaching me.
God, in these moments I say, "I don't care if they think I am crazy", and here I sit typing away about my morning so far.
Why?
I sat up so late last night reading. I lay in bed with so many experiences. It is almost too much to contain. I have had so many incredible revelations lately that I have curtailed certain things, like diet, exercise, and over all well being, so that I can be more fine tuned to it. It wasn't even a big decision or anything. What I thought would be hard, to give up or curtail certain things, hasn't even been a big deal, but what it has done is, ( not surprising) given me even more of a life force that has enabled me to tap into, or really, I should say, embrace the things that are rushing toward me like bats outa hell.
I have deliberately made it a point to stay so single minded in the moment these days, which can be really difficult, but it has been a long year, and lots of discipline on my end, to stay at peace while the tidal waves have been crashing in my nucleus.
There are all of the "shoulds" and "shouldn'ts" practices, books, meditations, visualizations, you name it, that I have tried to apply, but it is so obvious that when we are not soulfully ready for those things, it will not take affect. Simply because there is too much fear covering up the small, or maybe I should say wide, opening of what I would call the doorway to LOVE.
In all of my recent discoveries about myself, my own theatrical life, and all of the characters in it, I have come to a very big conclusion that in all of it's mushy, esoteric, la la land-ish, out there type of views, that raising my hands in the air out of complete Surrender to such doing-ness, is totally for me!!!!
To understand the enormity of this very precise moment and to live so fully in that, is .......FOR ME!!!
To wallow in that reality more so than in the down to earth, matter of factness, is.......for me.........although, it has been amazing welcoming the responsibilities of that down to earthness and using it in the most practical and necessary ways to actually exist here, it still, is something that is secondary, almost, just because I HAVE TO.
But who is to say, that I cannot exist in my own little esoteric, free-loving world that, hay.......does ME GOOD?
We all have our loves and what that means in our everyday world. There are some people that think I am absolutely crazy in how I spend my days, or NOT spend my days. To me, I couldn't fathom spending my days like some, but to each his own. I have no judgement really. I've been there, and found, eh, it's just not for me. Certainly my way of living isn't for everyone, but that is OK.
I was in the shower this morning thinking, Wow, there was a huge part of my life that was spent only meditating, cooking for people, doing service for others, going to the theatre, the symphony, and only hanging around like minded people that shared the same loves or interests. There were no malls, no shopping, no restaurants, no to a lot of what everyday people do. Shopping for clothes, accessories, buying in general was out of the question, really. Spending time in nature, walks, hikes, eating only the foods that served your body well, and only putting good things in the body were an absolute.
It sounds barbaric really, but there was such a greatness about it.
I love all of those things, even now. Some, at least.
The only difference between now and then is that, THEN, it was sort of forced upon you. This is the way we live here, and even if you didn't like it, or wasn't quite up to that speed, you still had to adhere, and maybe, even it wasn't something that you wanted to do, but at least you got to see from both ends of the spectrum. In hind site, I loved a lot of those things, and to tell you the truth, to some extent, that was the most amazing time of my life, until I saw that I wanted to find more of a balance in my life and not be so regimented.
The point of me telling you this is, when you give yourself the time, the quality time, to listen to whatever your hearts calling is, to whatever it is that your little self drums up to be soothing and perfect for you, and right on the money, you just meld into that and see WOW, LOOK AT WHAT
I'VE CHOSEN, LOOK AT WHAT I REALLY LOVE!
For me, it is the same now as it was years ago, when I was with my Spiritual Teacher.
Only now, I choose what I want, when I want and there are no should or shouldn'ts. Just Gabriela making the decision to say, "Ya know, today, I really want to be quiet, and go for a walk and maybe meditate.............OR NOT..............
I have the total choice to mold my life the way it feels good to me.
Sometimes my choices aren't so parallel to what I want, but that is when I get to practice some good things that I know, and therein lies regular, everyday homework that comes along with life.
Being alone is the most wonderful experience on the face of the earth.
Having loving people around is a must!
Sharing love, is a MUST.
Expressing love..............IS A MUST.
Whatever it takes for us to experience the greatness inside, I support.
For me, it is all that I have expressed.
For you, it is what you are making your world to be, if you are happy in it.
I commend you for detailing it to your liking.
I learn and embrace every ones way, and love to see the beauty in all of the different ways that people express their true love and passions.
No way is the right way.
If it makes you genuinely happy, that is the right way.
I am so utterly crazy today, for the love that fills me, for the people who teach me to love deeper, have more compassion, and to see life from a more objective place, rather than a reactive place that keeps me living in such a small little cubie hole.
Expansion is the name of the game.
Anyone wanna play?
Run outside and jump in the air, do some cartwheels or something.............. life is happening in such a big way, I can hardly stand it.
I love you guys.............
more than ever.
Thank you for being my mirrors...........in so many magnificent ways.
Gabriela
Almost like props to decorate a life that isn't even seen.
Everything this morning is as if I had just made the most passionate love to it.
My senses are so acute.
It seems as if everything is in slow motion, and my awareness has been re-born, even from yesterday.
Just going to get some eggs out of the refrigerator was a moment in time. How could I ever describe the depth of awareness that has come over me? Everything I looked at, touched, and saw, in my reality, was an extension of a life force that is so far beyond expression, that I literally HAD to move that slow, just because I saw it all happening and wanted to grasp the enormity of what "someone" or "something" out there was showing me, or teaching me.
God, in these moments I say, "I don't care if they think I am crazy", and here I sit typing away about my morning so far.
Why?
I sat up so late last night reading. I lay in bed with so many experiences. It is almost too much to contain. I have had so many incredible revelations lately that I have curtailed certain things, like diet, exercise, and over all well being, so that I can be more fine tuned to it. It wasn't even a big decision or anything. What I thought would be hard, to give up or curtail certain things, hasn't even been a big deal, but what it has done is, ( not surprising) given me even more of a life force that has enabled me to tap into, or really, I should say, embrace the things that are rushing toward me like bats outa hell.
I have deliberately made it a point to stay so single minded in the moment these days, which can be really difficult, but it has been a long year, and lots of discipline on my end, to stay at peace while the tidal waves have been crashing in my nucleus.
There are all of the "shoulds" and "shouldn'ts" practices, books, meditations, visualizations, you name it, that I have tried to apply, but it is so obvious that when we are not soulfully ready for those things, it will not take affect. Simply because there is too much fear covering up the small, or maybe I should say wide, opening of what I would call the doorway to LOVE.
In all of my recent discoveries about myself, my own theatrical life, and all of the characters in it, I have come to a very big conclusion that in all of it's mushy, esoteric, la la land-ish, out there type of views, that raising my hands in the air out of complete Surrender to such doing-ness, is totally for me!!!!
To understand the enormity of this very precise moment and to live so fully in that, is .......FOR ME!!!
To wallow in that reality more so than in the down to earth, matter of factness, is.......for me.........although, it has been amazing welcoming the responsibilities of that down to earthness and using it in the most practical and necessary ways to actually exist here, it still, is something that is secondary, almost, just because I HAVE TO.
But who is to say, that I cannot exist in my own little esoteric, free-loving world that, hay.......does ME GOOD?
We all have our loves and what that means in our everyday world. There are some people that think I am absolutely crazy in how I spend my days, or NOT spend my days. To me, I couldn't fathom spending my days like some, but to each his own. I have no judgement really. I've been there, and found, eh, it's just not for me. Certainly my way of living isn't for everyone, but that is OK.
I was in the shower this morning thinking, Wow, there was a huge part of my life that was spent only meditating, cooking for people, doing service for others, going to the theatre, the symphony, and only hanging around like minded people that shared the same loves or interests. There were no malls, no shopping, no restaurants, no to a lot of what everyday people do. Shopping for clothes, accessories, buying in general was out of the question, really. Spending time in nature, walks, hikes, eating only the foods that served your body well, and only putting good things in the body were an absolute.
It sounds barbaric really, but there was such a greatness about it.
I love all of those things, even now. Some, at least.
The only difference between now and then is that, THEN, it was sort of forced upon you. This is the way we live here, and even if you didn't like it, or wasn't quite up to that speed, you still had to adhere, and maybe, even it wasn't something that you wanted to do, but at least you got to see from both ends of the spectrum. In hind site, I loved a lot of those things, and to tell you the truth, to some extent, that was the most amazing time of my life, until I saw that I wanted to find more of a balance in my life and not be so regimented.
The point of me telling you this is, when you give yourself the time, the quality time, to listen to whatever your hearts calling is, to whatever it is that your little self drums up to be soothing and perfect for you, and right on the money, you just meld into that and see WOW, LOOK AT WHAT
I'VE CHOSEN, LOOK AT WHAT I REALLY LOVE!
For me, it is the same now as it was years ago, when I was with my Spiritual Teacher.
Only now, I choose what I want, when I want and there are no should or shouldn'ts. Just Gabriela making the decision to say, "Ya know, today, I really want to be quiet, and go for a walk and maybe meditate.............OR NOT..............
I have the total choice to mold my life the way it feels good to me.
Sometimes my choices aren't so parallel to what I want, but that is when I get to practice some good things that I know, and therein lies regular, everyday homework that comes along with life.
Being alone is the most wonderful experience on the face of the earth.
Having loving people around is a must!
Sharing love, is a MUST.
Expressing love..............IS A MUST.
Whatever it takes for us to experience the greatness inside, I support.
For me, it is all that I have expressed.
For you, it is what you are making your world to be, if you are happy in it.
I commend you for detailing it to your liking.
I learn and embrace every ones way, and love to see the beauty in all of the different ways that people express their true love and passions.
No way is the right way.
If it makes you genuinely happy, that is the right way.
I am so utterly crazy today, for the love that fills me, for the people who teach me to love deeper, have more compassion, and to see life from a more objective place, rather than a reactive place that keeps me living in such a small little cubie hole.
Expansion is the name of the game.
Anyone wanna play?
Run outside and jump in the air, do some cartwheels or something.............. life is happening in such a big way, I can hardly stand it.
I love you guys.............
more than ever.
Thank you for being my mirrors...........in so many magnificent ways.
Gabriela
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
CHANGING THE VIEW
You know there is that old saying, "When one door closes, another opens?"
Well, I think that those words have become sort of cliche'. We hear something so many times that it winds up being just words that you hear, and no real experience attached. I mean, the words sound great, and you pan on them for a second, but then you find yourself right back to those daunting thoughts that keep you stuck in the realm of what you think is real, how you have valid reasons why you think it happened, why it's not your fault, how this and how that.
I think we can actually bore ourselves to death, if you really look at our thought patterns, cop to it, and realize, c'mon........ Wasn't I REALLLLLLLLY asking for this to happen??
Maybe you didn't ask for it to unfold in the ways that it did, but sure enough, if you look closely, you know you damn well asked for it, and here it is and we want to blame, push it away or act all surprised!
I don't think anything ever really shows up exactly as we want it. Call it good or bad.
I am looking at my life very closely........I mean seriously, I have my arsenal of telescopes, microscopes, kaleidoscopes, magnifying glasses, and I truly am having to laugh at myself these days. You "idiot" Gabriela.......... look under that microscope again......... yep......... there it is........... the very thing you have been asking for is now here........... OK, so it took 6 years.........you weren't very specific when you asked, so I thought I would take my sweet time and let you experience life a little and then throw the Deuce out when "I" thought the time was right.
Did you forget or something? Remember way back when you said that you really didn't want this, and you would rather have that, and all of the other little things that you asked for that are now happening? Remember that Gabriela, or are you getting too old and are experiencing some major amnesia?
I think you are still young and spry, and if you get clear enough, spend some time with yourself, you will see just how perfectly I delivered what you had asked.
I'm sorry if it hurts, but when you ask for something, maybe you want to be a bit more clear on how that may play out. Wishy washy doesn't work in this frame of thought.
So, I got it! I got it!
Man, what a deep breath, because I did ask very specifically for what I am experiencing now, if I put labels to my situations. All of them, really, from relationships, to wanting to know myself deeper, to know how to be detached from a conscious place, yet love deeper, to be independent again, to not depend on anyone for anything, and to love and care for myself as tenderly and in depth as I do others. To understand and create boundaries in my free flowing, hippie, love all kind of world..............
There is a huge growing up, and tending to a soul that is vast, and complex, and too, so light hearted, that it just wants to go out and play, ya know?
So, "bad" things happening, I think, are always meant to create "good" things to happen.
I used to see it in hind sight, but thankfully, I am seeing from a different kind of view, and it actually excites me to be able to see from a more clear place, and excited too, that I have great things to look forward to. I do know that with a pure heart and mind, there is no way that you won't achieve what it is that you truly want.
And you know, too, what I have found is, when you THINK you really want something, and you drum it up, and then say, it shows up, you take a real good look at it, and have a new found objective thought process happening, you look and say.......... OH MY GOD, THANK GOD I CAUGHT MYSELF before I actually embarked on this thing that I thought I wanted. You start seeing the real goods, the ones that aren't colored with pretty colors, perfumes, and dangling accessories, you know, the things your ego wants or your little child that so needs to be coddled or payed attention to. You see the REAL DEAL, and can step back from any situation and access it properly so you don't waste time on being so slap happy about what you think your desires REALLY ARE!
Some toy with you, and maybe they will show up again, so to make sure that it REALLY isn't something that you want to explore, who knows why, but maybe, just maybe if it shows up time and time again, there is something there to find out about you, or your little evolution, or, plainly, you may just want to have a good ol' time and forget the damn psychology behind it all.
I don't know............ I can't close my eyes at this point.
Lifeguards are few and far between these days.
I do, however have someone at times, who drives a pretty good boat, and tugs me along when I need it.
I don't think I am swallowing as much water these days, but who knows when the tide gets high, ya know................ keep all options open.
The view is good for now.
Stay fresh, and grab hold of the ones who see clear, and won't blow smoke up your ashtray.
Grab the ones who are mad about life, and have full experience with Daring to Love.
They, for sure, will have an earful...........certainly that will delight the pants off of you.
Have and awesome day!
I love you,
Gabriela
Well, I think that those words have become sort of cliche'. We hear something so many times that it winds up being just words that you hear, and no real experience attached. I mean, the words sound great, and you pan on them for a second, but then you find yourself right back to those daunting thoughts that keep you stuck in the realm of what you think is real, how you have valid reasons why you think it happened, why it's not your fault, how this and how that.
I think we can actually bore ourselves to death, if you really look at our thought patterns, cop to it, and realize, c'mon........ Wasn't I REALLLLLLLLY asking for this to happen??
Maybe you didn't ask for it to unfold in the ways that it did, but sure enough, if you look closely, you know you damn well asked for it, and here it is and we want to blame, push it away or act all surprised!
I don't think anything ever really shows up exactly as we want it. Call it good or bad.
I am looking at my life very closely........I mean seriously, I have my arsenal of telescopes, microscopes, kaleidoscopes, magnifying glasses, and I truly am having to laugh at myself these days. You "idiot" Gabriela.......... look under that microscope again......... yep......... there it is........... the very thing you have been asking for is now here........... OK, so it took 6 years.........you weren't very specific when you asked, so I thought I would take my sweet time and let you experience life a little and then throw the Deuce out when "I" thought the time was right.
Did you forget or something? Remember way back when you said that you really didn't want this, and you would rather have that, and all of the other little things that you asked for that are now happening? Remember that Gabriela, or are you getting too old and are experiencing some major amnesia?
I think you are still young and spry, and if you get clear enough, spend some time with yourself, you will see just how perfectly I delivered what you had asked.
I'm sorry if it hurts, but when you ask for something, maybe you want to be a bit more clear on how that may play out. Wishy washy doesn't work in this frame of thought.
So, I got it! I got it!
Man, what a deep breath, because I did ask very specifically for what I am experiencing now, if I put labels to my situations. All of them, really, from relationships, to wanting to know myself deeper, to know how to be detached from a conscious place, yet love deeper, to be independent again, to not depend on anyone for anything, and to love and care for myself as tenderly and in depth as I do others. To understand and create boundaries in my free flowing, hippie, love all kind of world..............
There is a huge growing up, and tending to a soul that is vast, and complex, and too, so light hearted, that it just wants to go out and play, ya know?
So, "bad" things happening, I think, are always meant to create "good" things to happen.
I used to see it in hind sight, but thankfully, I am seeing from a different kind of view, and it actually excites me to be able to see from a more clear place, and excited too, that I have great things to look forward to. I do know that with a pure heart and mind, there is no way that you won't achieve what it is that you truly want.
And you know, too, what I have found is, when you THINK you really want something, and you drum it up, and then say, it shows up, you take a real good look at it, and have a new found objective thought process happening, you look and say.......... OH MY GOD, THANK GOD I CAUGHT MYSELF before I actually embarked on this thing that I thought I wanted. You start seeing the real goods, the ones that aren't colored with pretty colors, perfumes, and dangling accessories, you know, the things your ego wants or your little child that so needs to be coddled or payed attention to. You see the REAL DEAL, and can step back from any situation and access it properly so you don't waste time on being so slap happy about what you think your desires REALLY ARE!
Some toy with you, and maybe they will show up again, so to make sure that it REALLY isn't something that you want to explore, who knows why, but maybe, just maybe if it shows up time and time again, there is something there to find out about you, or your little evolution, or, plainly, you may just want to have a good ol' time and forget the damn psychology behind it all.
I don't know............ I can't close my eyes at this point.
Lifeguards are few and far between these days.
I do, however have someone at times, who drives a pretty good boat, and tugs me along when I need it.
I don't think I am swallowing as much water these days, but who knows when the tide gets high, ya know................ keep all options open.
The view is good for now.
Stay fresh, and grab hold of the ones who see clear, and won't blow smoke up your ashtray.
Grab the ones who are mad about life, and have full experience with Daring to Love.
They, for sure, will have an earful...........certainly that will delight the pants off of you.
Have and awesome day!
I love you,
Gabriela
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
DON'T BE FOOLED BY WHAT YOU SEE
Today, as I woke up, I had a huge revelation of how life really plays out.
It was so blatant....so honest.......and real........and...........it actually comforted me to know that I am on the right track, to see life in all of it's moments, to not take things so seriously, and to grab a hold of each moment and KISS IT TO DEATH! No, really...........just love the hell out of each moment, and to embrace it, even if it hurts! WHY? Because life is life, and we're gonna get handed the bad lemons as well as the good lemons, so why not just suck away, and if you get a bad one, just spit it out, and look for the next good lemon, right?
OK, maybe something sweeter, like an apple, say......... how's that?
So, you go to bed at night, and you lye there thinking of your day and what it entailed. It all felt so real, so ........... "this is what is happening!"
It was warm, sunny, you're walking around with no jacket........
This happened, that happened, and feelings are flying all over the place about work, life, relationships, family, friends, you name it, it flies through your brain, ( at least mine anyway), and then you gently go to sleep with the reality of your day.
Ahh, it's morning now.........you wake up, and look out your window, and see that life is one big sheath!
Everything that seemed to "be" just hours before, is now completely covered up by a new day!
Call it "snow", call it what you want!
You literally cannot see anything of what you saw yesterday.
It is a brand new day, and life has sort of "delivered" a new scenario. It isn't sunny, and it isn't warm!
Today has it's own decorative take on life.
What happened to yesterday's scene?
Do we even see it? Feel it?
I don't.
The new day has allowed me to see differently.
Not just because there is snow falling, and so much covering the ground, but because this truly is life at it's best.
We can't be fooled into thinking that what our reality was just moments ago, yet, yesterday, or our past, can possibly be what is in our current reality, right now, in this moment. I mean, it can, if you don't open your eyes to new landscapes.
Life is changing every moment.
From the moment I started writing, life has already changed.
The snow has melted......at least on my deck anyway!
The symbolism is stirring up so much good inside, so much motivation to stay awake, and alive in the very moment that tells me how darn good we have it. How things just aren't what they seem, unless you buy into it without seeing outside of your own scene.
Already the moment has changed. The landscape has changed, and my reality since waking up, is now changing and I am with it............. I am flowing with change!
It takes awhile to catch on, but if I'm diligent enough, I'll catch the wave and ride it hard!
Don't be fooled into thinking that things will not change. You don't have to do much, really. Life will present opportunity, after opportunity for change, and if you are open to it, it will guide you into seeing things in a natural and organic way.
Yesterday was yesterday. Today is opportunity to change, to grow with each moment, and to allow yourself the fluidity to move when life says move.
Take off the straight jackets.............
Life isn't about being constricted!
ENJOY THE SNOW, and what it means to you!
I did!
Love, love, and more love.
Go ahead, call me a hippie!
xoxo
It was so blatant....so honest.......and real........and...........it actually comforted me to know that I am on the right track, to see life in all of it's moments, to not take things so seriously, and to grab a hold of each moment and KISS IT TO DEATH! No, really...........just love the hell out of each moment, and to embrace it, even if it hurts! WHY? Because life is life, and we're gonna get handed the bad lemons as well as the good lemons, so why not just suck away, and if you get a bad one, just spit it out, and look for the next good lemon, right?
OK, maybe something sweeter, like an apple, say......... how's that?
So, you go to bed at night, and you lye there thinking of your day and what it entailed. It all felt so real, so ........... "this is what is happening!"
It was warm, sunny, you're walking around with no jacket........
This happened, that happened, and feelings are flying all over the place about work, life, relationships, family, friends, you name it, it flies through your brain, ( at least mine anyway), and then you gently go to sleep with the reality of your day.
Ahh, it's morning now.........you wake up, and look out your window, and see that life is one big sheath!
Everything that seemed to "be" just hours before, is now completely covered up by a new day!
Call it "snow", call it what you want!
You literally cannot see anything of what you saw yesterday.
It is a brand new day, and life has sort of "delivered" a new scenario. It isn't sunny, and it isn't warm!
Today has it's own decorative take on life.
What happened to yesterday's scene?
Do we even see it? Feel it?
I don't.
The new day has allowed me to see differently.
Not just because there is snow falling, and so much covering the ground, but because this truly is life at it's best.
We can't be fooled into thinking that what our reality was just moments ago, yet, yesterday, or our past, can possibly be what is in our current reality, right now, in this moment. I mean, it can, if you don't open your eyes to new landscapes.
Life is changing every moment.
From the moment I started writing, life has already changed.
The snow has melted......at least on my deck anyway!
The symbolism is stirring up so much good inside, so much motivation to stay awake, and alive in the very moment that tells me how darn good we have it. How things just aren't what they seem, unless you buy into it without seeing outside of your own scene.
Already the moment has changed. The landscape has changed, and my reality since waking up, is now changing and I am with it............. I am flowing with change!
It takes awhile to catch on, but if I'm diligent enough, I'll catch the wave and ride it hard!
Don't be fooled into thinking that things will not change. You don't have to do much, really. Life will present opportunity, after opportunity for change, and if you are open to it, it will guide you into seeing things in a natural and organic way.
Yesterday was yesterday. Today is opportunity to change, to grow with each moment, and to allow yourself the fluidity to move when life says move.
Take off the straight jackets.............
Life isn't about being constricted!
ENJOY THE SNOW, and what it means to you!
I did!
Love, love, and more love.
Go ahead, call me a hippie!
xoxo
Monday, February 22, 2010
Sunday, February 21, 2010
RESPONSIBILITY AND RISK
This is a hard one to fathom. It is probably a blog that I need to write when it isn't 2 am. Unfortunately, this is my new writing time, which is why my blog is either short, these days, or not at all, on some nights.
That would make for a huge sad face!
Time is such a luxury these days, and to try to squeeze in the goods, the very things that we are craving, or want so badly, are few and far between.
A friend of mine who lives in California is pretty much experiencing the same thing. And you would think she would be happy working for someone who is working for the "stars", gets paid pretty good money, and is set up pretty good, would say, "Cool, this is great", but her true passion is art, and she is NOT doing art.
She is squeezing it in like doing laundry or something, and the moments that she does what she really loves are so fleeting, and yet, what she does for hours upon hours, are really, just not for her.
I feel the same way.
It is sad.
Some thing you just have no control over. Some things you do.
There are always the pro's and con's of your work place. I think that is the case wherever you work.
If you have a particular passion for one thing or the other, I think anything other, than what you are passionate about, will bite you in the ass, until you finally get it, that, whatever you are doing, really, just..... ISN'T...... IT!!!
HELLO OUT THERE............THIS MAY NOT BE FOR YOU.............. so go back to what you are passionate about, and make your way towards that thing, end of story!!
I say that with such ease, and so matter of fact, but truthfully, I do know, that it is a work of art, to actually sketch out a plan, to make it all work, money wise, ( this is usually what it comes down to), and to make it somehow work that what your passion is, is what you will make money doing.
Degree for this, degree for that.............
Find out what you are passionate about FIRST AND FOREMOST.
No matter what your situation, and there are many different ones, at least that I have heard............you can sketch something out on paper.
Then it takes a little bit of detective work, and a lot, and I say A LOT OF not thinking that you HAVE TO DO THIS OR THAT...............
In order for you to achieve what you want, you have to see that vision clearly, feel it with all of you heart and soul, and then, even if your life isn't there, in any way shape or form, you will, at least, have a vision of what it is that YOU WANT, and you will be able to see it in writing.
From there, you simply see one little step that you can take to get closer to that reality.
Over the years, I have been confronted with making those things happen, and seeing how I feel stuck with all of my animals, and the responsibility of that. It can seem to stand in the way.
I am so determined to make the life that I want, without compromising, and to include all of the details that I see, in my vision, and include my animals, and the very select few, who I consider "family". The people who get it, and have not one judgement on your life, and who respect the decisions that you have made.
Responsibility and Risk are quite the Oxymoron.
Like I said, "There is a balance with everything".
I am on this trek too. I look for new and different ways to stay connected to who I am, what I am about, and how to execute that in every day daily life, to stay true to who I am, without compromise, and to have fun, in the meantime.
It isn't as easy as it seems, but..............
I am all about finding out.
I want to find a balance............. one way or the other just seems so............one way................. or...............the ......other.................
I want a balance.............in every which way!
That seems like a good note to sleep on.
I want a balance........... in every which way!
Good one!
That would make for a huge sad face!
Time is such a luxury these days, and to try to squeeze in the goods, the very things that we are craving, or want so badly, are few and far between.
A friend of mine who lives in California is pretty much experiencing the same thing. And you would think she would be happy working for someone who is working for the "stars", gets paid pretty good money, and is set up pretty good, would say, "Cool, this is great", but her true passion is art, and she is NOT doing art.
She is squeezing it in like doing laundry or something, and the moments that she does what she really loves are so fleeting, and yet, what she does for hours upon hours, are really, just not for her.
I feel the same way.
It is sad.
Some thing you just have no control over. Some things you do.
There are always the pro's and con's of your work place. I think that is the case wherever you work.
If you have a particular passion for one thing or the other, I think anything other, than what you are passionate about, will bite you in the ass, until you finally get it, that, whatever you are doing, really, just..... ISN'T...... IT!!!
HELLO OUT THERE............THIS MAY NOT BE FOR YOU.............. so go back to what you are passionate about, and make your way towards that thing, end of story!!
I say that with such ease, and so matter of fact, but truthfully, I do know, that it is a work of art, to actually sketch out a plan, to make it all work, money wise, ( this is usually what it comes down to), and to make it somehow work that what your passion is, is what you will make money doing.
Degree for this, degree for that.............
Find out what you are passionate about FIRST AND FOREMOST.
No matter what your situation, and there are many different ones, at least that I have heard............you can sketch something out on paper.
Then it takes a little bit of detective work, and a lot, and I say A LOT OF not thinking that you HAVE TO DO THIS OR THAT...............
In order for you to achieve what you want, you have to see that vision clearly, feel it with all of you heart and soul, and then, even if your life isn't there, in any way shape or form, you will, at least, have a vision of what it is that YOU WANT, and you will be able to see it in writing.
From there, you simply see one little step that you can take to get closer to that reality.
Over the years, I have been confronted with making those things happen, and seeing how I feel stuck with all of my animals, and the responsibility of that. It can seem to stand in the way.
I am so determined to make the life that I want, without compromising, and to include all of the details that I see, in my vision, and include my animals, and the very select few, who I consider "family". The people who get it, and have not one judgement on your life, and who respect the decisions that you have made.
Responsibility and Risk are quite the Oxymoron.
Like I said, "There is a balance with everything".
I am on this trek too. I look for new and different ways to stay connected to who I am, what I am about, and how to execute that in every day daily life, to stay true to who I am, without compromise, and to have fun, in the meantime.
It isn't as easy as it seems, but..............
I am all about finding out.
I want to find a balance............. one way or the other just seems so............one way................. or...............the ......other.................
I want a balance.............in every which way!
That seems like a good note to sleep on.
I want a balance........... in every which way!
Good one!
Saturday, February 20, 2010
LIVE THIS MOMENT...........
.......as totally as possible, and suddenly
you will come to realize
that if you live it TOTALLY,
it is solved!
There is no need to solve it!
Life is not a problem to be be solved,
it is a mystery to be lived!
~
you will come to realize
that if you live it TOTALLY,
it is solved!
There is no need to solve it!
Life is not a problem to be be solved,
it is a mystery to be lived!
~
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
VOWING TO HEAL
Like two people ready to make a life long commitment, I have made a vow, to myself.
Long ago, when I lived in New Mexico, I was alone in my little adobe. I had meditated for so long that day, and my experiences were heightened, more than I could probably comprehend that day.
Two days earlier I had gone out and bought a ring. The ring was for myself. Extremely personal and sacred, (which is why I cannot believe I am writing about it), but for some reason, this is what surfaced, so, I am going with the flow.
At the time my spirituality was all I focused on. I worked my regular job, but after that, it was meditation, and too, most of the time spent in nature, just quiet, feeling the grandeur of what nature offered, and then, usually cooking some good food in the kitchen, but very low key, and nothing really to disturb my place of "good". (Things haven't changed much).
That day, after hours of meditation, I was sitting in my living room, on the floor with a plate of food.
I could barely articulate in my own head, the feeling, the experiences that were happening, but that was a pretty regular occurrence after spending lots of hours outdoors, quiet, walking or hiking, or meditating for long periods, and wondering where the heck I just visited!
I purposely went to buy a ring, for myself, as my own sacred and personal commitment, to my spiritual evolvement. For healing, for growing, and to making THAT my priority in this life.
I will never forget that day.
I took the ring out, and looked at it, and like someone getting ready to marry, I had nervous little quivers, and was checking in with myself to make sure that this was actually, something I really wanted to commit to for life!
I know this sounds all dramatic like it is something out of a movie, but I really am telling you as it was, and how utterly pivotal it was for me. (and... still is)
I took the ring out, and I looked at it.
I was so excited that I bought a ring for something that I was sooooooooooo passionate about, some thing I felt worth committing to.
Mind you, I never felt that way from the time I was little. Never was the little girl that dreamt of a white dress, walking down the isle, hoping to have a great husband and children.
I did, however think of children, but mostly adopting from Africa or India. Yes, that was as early as 6 or 7 years old. That right there, reeks of Karma at it's best, but that is a whole other story, for another time, of course.
I took my ring out, and looked at it, and made sure that if I made this commitment, that it wouldn't just be some flimsy or passing thought. I knew it wouldn't be. I was too passionate about my life and the things that I was discovering and uncovering about life, myself, and about human nature. The whys about our very existence and how it all relates to us on a daily basis were about to explode inside of me.
I closed my eyes and put the ring on my left finger. After I did that, I completely exploded inside with a joy that I probably could never articulate. A genuine joy to know that I just consciously committed to doing some hard core work on myself. To uncover past ghouls and goblins, to be able to live a full life in the present, without any interruptions, so long as I stayed on top of all of those things that came up for me along the way.
I made the promise! I was elated about my choice.
It excites me to this day, to feel that same reverence, that same passion, and devotion to something that I believe in so whole hearted.
Years later when I moved to Texas, I was snorkeling and in the midst of, I felt that ring slip off of my finger and into Lake Travis.
I was devastated, really, just because of the inner value.
When I returned to my blanket after snorkeling, I was already OK with the fact that it was lost in the water. The ring, at this point, was irrelevant. It was merely a physical representation of a comittment that can only be honored from within.
I took that wisdom and ran with it.
Ever since that day, I have committed myself, again, to making my life here and individual trek toward a very pure, and loving existence. One that I feel is untainted, full of genuineness, and compassion........Love and Truth.
I know I don't need a ring or anything else to make it real. Maybe that was MY KIND OF ROMANCE?
After all, that did seem more romantic and real, than walking down the isle with a person.
I honor all ways of loving and devotion, but I just don't think that was ever a real feeling for me, at least not yet, but the one I had chosen was, by far, the most amazing commitment I have ever made to myself.
I've since changed, churned, turned inside out, and have become more of a devoted soul than I ever thought possible.
Certainly not because of daily hours of meditation, reading books, or spending time with a spiritual teacher!!
It is because I have embraced life in all of it's frailties, it's hard core ways that continue to chip away at my pride, or any other label that makes "me" seem small, in a grand environment.
I know at times that this can seem all too serious, and, it is, but most times, it is light, and just something, like a student would have to do to prepare for a test. Some days we feel like studying, and sometimes we don't. Some days we want to play and forget that we have to study, and some days, we are so focused and on it like nobodies business.
We all try to find some balance in our awkward ways, stumbling through life with all of our small wants, desires and free flowing ways.
I have always been an extreme advocate for "hands on" experience rather than going to a formal school.
No matter what I have studied in the past 25 or so years, whether it be herbs, or nutrition, or massage, or working with the body, in one capacity or the other, it has always comforted me, to know that making my choice to go with my intuition, has enabled me to learn more from NOT going to school, and going with some serious hands on work, is more than sufficient, if not, completely satisfactory, with what one needs to know, or NOT know, to be able to heal, and transform, be it mind, body or spirit.
There is a tremendous amount of valor in that, and I have to say, I have gotten to know a lot about this soul, this vehicle, that is here for some reason or another.
I don't need a label for it. I am sure that when the time is ripe, it will show itself to me, and guide me to where I need to be, and with whom.
Call it hippie, call it all the names it readily gets, but leave room for the miracle of love, that continues to work in the most mysterious ways. The ways that have no explanation, that have no rhyme or reason, but have the tremendous amount of love that could pull a thousand cattle.
I VOW TO HEAL! I VOW TO LOVE! I VOW TO LEARN, AND TO HAVE FUN, AND LIVE LIFE FULLY AND TO LAUGH AND PLAY ALONG THE WAY.
Thank you for all of you who have helped me along my way, no matter what the label or title. It all gets compartmenalized into one folder. It all becomes the same.
I love you so much, and thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Gabriela
Long ago, when I lived in New Mexico, I was alone in my little adobe. I had meditated for so long that day, and my experiences were heightened, more than I could probably comprehend that day.
Two days earlier I had gone out and bought a ring. The ring was for myself. Extremely personal and sacred, (which is why I cannot believe I am writing about it), but for some reason, this is what surfaced, so, I am going with the flow.
At the time my spirituality was all I focused on. I worked my regular job, but after that, it was meditation, and too, most of the time spent in nature, just quiet, feeling the grandeur of what nature offered, and then, usually cooking some good food in the kitchen, but very low key, and nothing really to disturb my place of "good". (Things haven't changed much).
That day, after hours of meditation, I was sitting in my living room, on the floor with a plate of food.
I could barely articulate in my own head, the feeling, the experiences that were happening, but that was a pretty regular occurrence after spending lots of hours outdoors, quiet, walking or hiking, or meditating for long periods, and wondering where the heck I just visited!
I purposely went to buy a ring, for myself, as my own sacred and personal commitment, to my spiritual evolvement. For healing, for growing, and to making THAT my priority in this life.
I will never forget that day.
I took the ring out, and looked at it, and like someone getting ready to marry, I had nervous little quivers, and was checking in with myself to make sure that this was actually, something I really wanted to commit to for life!
I know this sounds all dramatic like it is something out of a movie, but I really am telling you as it was, and how utterly pivotal it was for me. (and... still is)
I took the ring out, and I looked at it.
I was so excited that I bought a ring for something that I was sooooooooooo passionate about, some thing I felt worth committing to.
Mind you, I never felt that way from the time I was little. Never was the little girl that dreamt of a white dress, walking down the isle, hoping to have a great husband and children.
I did, however think of children, but mostly adopting from Africa or India. Yes, that was as early as 6 or 7 years old. That right there, reeks of Karma at it's best, but that is a whole other story, for another time, of course.
I took my ring out, and looked at it, and made sure that if I made this commitment, that it wouldn't just be some flimsy or passing thought. I knew it wouldn't be. I was too passionate about my life and the things that I was discovering and uncovering about life, myself, and about human nature. The whys about our very existence and how it all relates to us on a daily basis were about to explode inside of me.
I closed my eyes and put the ring on my left finger. After I did that, I completely exploded inside with a joy that I probably could never articulate. A genuine joy to know that I just consciously committed to doing some hard core work on myself. To uncover past ghouls and goblins, to be able to live a full life in the present, without any interruptions, so long as I stayed on top of all of those things that came up for me along the way.
I made the promise! I was elated about my choice.
It excites me to this day, to feel that same reverence, that same passion, and devotion to something that I believe in so whole hearted.
Years later when I moved to Texas, I was snorkeling and in the midst of, I felt that ring slip off of my finger and into Lake Travis.
I was devastated, really, just because of the inner value.
When I returned to my blanket after snorkeling, I was already OK with the fact that it was lost in the water. The ring, at this point, was irrelevant. It was merely a physical representation of a comittment that can only be honored from within.
I took that wisdom and ran with it.
Ever since that day, I have committed myself, again, to making my life here and individual trek toward a very pure, and loving existence. One that I feel is untainted, full of genuineness, and compassion........Love and Truth.
I know I don't need a ring or anything else to make it real. Maybe that was MY KIND OF ROMANCE?
After all, that did seem more romantic and real, than walking down the isle with a person.
I honor all ways of loving and devotion, but I just don't think that was ever a real feeling for me, at least not yet, but the one I had chosen was, by far, the most amazing commitment I have ever made to myself.
I've since changed, churned, turned inside out, and have become more of a devoted soul than I ever thought possible.
Certainly not because of daily hours of meditation, reading books, or spending time with a spiritual teacher!!
It is because I have embraced life in all of it's frailties, it's hard core ways that continue to chip away at my pride, or any other label that makes "me" seem small, in a grand environment.
I know at times that this can seem all too serious, and, it is, but most times, it is light, and just something, like a student would have to do to prepare for a test. Some days we feel like studying, and sometimes we don't. Some days we want to play and forget that we have to study, and some days, we are so focused and on it like nobodies business.
We all try to find some balance in our awkward ways, stumbling through life with all of our small wants, desires and free flowing ways.
I have always been an extreme advocate for "hands on" experience rather than going to a formal school.
No matter what I have studied in the past 25 or so years, whether it be herbs, or nutrition, or massage, or working with the body, in one capacity or the other, it has always comforted me, to know that making my choice to go with my intuition, has enabled me to learn more from NOT going to school, and going with some serious hands on work, is more than sufficient, if not, completely satisfactory, with what one needs to know, or NOT know, to be able to heal, and transform, be it mind, body or spirit.
There is a tremendous amount of valor in that, and I have to say, I have gotten to know a lot about this soul, this vehicle, that is here for some reason or another.
I don't need a label for it. I am sure that when the time is ripe, it will show itself to me, and guide me to where I need to be, and with whom.
Call it hippie, call it all the names it readily gets, but leave room for the miracle of love, that continues to work in the most mysterious ways. The ways that have no explanation, that have no rhyme or reason, but have the tremendous amount of love that could pull a thousand cattle.
I VOW TO HEAL! I VOW TO LOVE! I VOW TO LEARN, AND TO HAVE FUN, AND LIVE LIFE FULLY AND TO LAUGH AND PLAY ALONG THE WAY.
Thank you for all of you who have helped me along my way, no matter what the label or title. It all gets compartmenalized into one folder. It all becomes the same.
I love you so much, and thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Gabriela
I HAVE.......
.............. tasted too many other
beautiful things,
to let sex
be
the
"end all"
of
what
seemingly
"is".
~
beautiful things,
to let sex
be
the
"end all"
of
what
seemingly
"is".
~
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
ONE THING I KNOW FOR SURE
........and that ONE THING IS.......that no matter what is happening out there, there is little ground.........it is so solid, so firm, and clear...........to stand on, lean on, and believe in.
It is called LOVE!
It is the only consistent thing that we can really rely upon, within ourselves. We don't have to ask anyone for it, trust in anyone for it, buy it, find it somewhere out there, or wonder if we will ever achieve it.
IT IS............WHO YOU ARE! IT IS WHO I AM!
The only thing that we need to do is take the time to see it, feel it, and embrace it, inside of ourselves, and the things that we are so desperately searching for on the outside, will soon show up in yourself, as yourself, and you will see just how real, and tangible love really is, without stepping out your front door.
It takes a bit of alone time, to nourish it, to actually get acquainted with it, and actually find a relationship with all of the parts of yourself that need to be seen. The mother in you, the child in you, the caretaker, the lover, the.............fill in the blanks............. each of us are on our own individual path.
It isn't easy, because we wind up finding cob webs that seem like ropes, pests that seem like dragons, and children in need that you just don't think you have the capability to manage, or have the compassion to look THAT CLOSELY.........
It's important to embrace all of the things that stand out, so that we can heal......love ourselves to the fullest so that WE CAN MOVE ON, into natural territory, where love is simple, untainted, and full of the utmost compassion. Not only for ourselves, adult and child like, but for others, who we seem to like, or "dislike", to see that, they too, have the same homework, to heal in some capacity.
You don't have to know what it is, but to see that WE ALL HAVE STUFF.............makes it much easier to love beyond what it all looks like.
Stay true to yourselves, as hard as it may seem.
I'm with you!
Love always,
Gabriela
It is called LOVE!
It is the only consistent thing that we can really rely upon, within ourselves. We don't have to ask anyone for it, trust in anyone for it, buy it, find it somewhere out there, or wonder if we will ever achieve it.
IT IS............WHO YOU ARE! IT IS WHO I AM!
The only thing that we need to do is take the time to see it, feel it, and embrace it, inside of ourselves, and the things that we are so desperately searching for on the outside, will soon show up in yourself, as yourself, and you will see just how real, and tangible love really is, without stepping out your front door.
It takes a bit of alone time, to nourish it, to actually get acquainted with it, and actually find a relationship with all of the parts of yourself that need to be seen. The mother in you, the child in you, the caretaker, the lover, the.............fill in the blanks............. each of us are on our own individual path.
It isn't easy, because we wind up finding cob webs that seem like ropes, pests that seem like dragons, and children in need that you just don't think you have the capability to manage, or have the compassion to look THAT CLOSELY.........
It's important to embrace all of the things that stand out, so that we can heal......love ourselves to the fullest so that WE CAN MOVE ON, into natural territory, where love is simple, untainted, and full of the utmost compassion. Not only for ourselves, adult and child like, but for others, who we seem to like, or "dislike", to see that, they too, have the same homework, to heal in some capacity.
You don't have to know what it is, but to see that WE ALL HAVE STUFF.............makes it much easier to love beyond what it all looks like.
Stay true to yourselves, as hard as it may seem.
I'm with you!
Love always,
Gabriela
Monday, February 15, 2010
THE CONSENSUS IS............
......that most of the people I talk to everyday are NOT HAPPY with what they are doing, the money they are making and how many hours they are working for no great pay.
Everyone I know is struggling to some degree, and it makes me sad, and yet, it gives me so much gumption to go the extra mile to do what I want, to live my dreams, and make them come alive, no matter what the circumstances.
I think of the woman who so desperately wanted to write for a living. She went to Starbucks everyday, and just wrote till her heart was content. Everyday, she did the same thing over and over, but the bottom line is........she believed in what she wanted. She had a vision, and she stuck to her guns.
She didn't have any money, was supporting her kids, and really, didn't have much to speak of.
There is a long, incredible story to this, but the moral of the story is, YOU HAVE GOT TO STICK IT OUT, NO MATTER WHAT IT IS THAT YOU WANT!
You may go through some rough times, but hay.......things get rough, but especially if you are detailing your life to your own specific needs, you better be prepared to go through rough spots and even down to the core survival mechanisms.
This is not a plea of some sort, or some jargon to make it seem like "Oh, the road to happiness is completely arduous". It's not that!
It is, to me, that, mapping out a kind of life that you love is not easy in today's world. Normally, you just do what you need to do, make money, get groceries, and hopefully a few good dinners and a walk with Fido at night, is pretty sufficient for most people.
Not me!
I want to be screaming from the mountain tops about what I am experiencing, learning, and sharing with others, no matter the topic, or label.
There are so many things that I am passionate about. I am doing one now, which is being around food, but not directly, serving people, and sharing that common ground, of love, food, wine, and family. Those topics are pretty darn important to me. I am learning a lot, I really am.
This is where I am now.
Where does it go from here???
What is the climax?
Is there, in fact, a climax?
There are so many tentacles to our passions, our loves, and our desires to fulfill our dreams, our passions and try to make it as parallel to our lives as we can, and if it isn't parallel, I think it is a good idea to define where we are, what we are wanting, and try to get as close as we can to what makes us happy.
After all, if anything is short of that, we just won't be happy. We may pretend to be happy, but deep inside, we just.......aren't.
For myself, I never want to compromise who I am, or what I am about, for money, or some sort of status.
I could care less, really!
Not that I want to make less money, but if I can be happy and make money?? I'm gonna go for that!
For some reason, tonight I talked to so many people who are doing things, working places that they are just not happy at, but do it for the money, and, it pays the bills.......... IT MAKES ME UTTERLY SAD!
How can we define our lives, to mold what we want to be exactly right on the money?
Is anything ever really on the money?
Do we just adjust or is that a cop out too?
I am not about adjusting!
I am about getting what I want!!
That is not a "spoiled girl" statement!
That is, DON'T FRIGIN COMPROMISE............. kind of statement.
Follow the way that feels good inside! Something that emulates YOU, your energy, and something that makes you sing from the mountain tops.
If that isn't happening......... well then........we all need to take inventory on where our lives are, and what it consists of.........and make changes where they need to be changed, and see if it makes any kind of difference.
For all of the people that I spoke to tonight, and in the recent past.........
Don't lose sight of your dreams!
Nothing is "silly", not worth doing, or too complicated, because you have no money, yada, yada, yada.
The person I was talking about in the beginning of my blog who wrote at Starbucks everyday was the woman who wrote Harry Potter.
She had a dream.........an incredible vision......and just..........STUCK IT OUT, beyond any ones opinions! Everyone thought she was "dreaming too big", but she said...........F.........everyone and went to Starbucks everyday to write about something she was incredibly passionate about.
Thus.............. Harry Frigin Potter!
OK?
That is all I'm saying.
Stick to your guns...................NO MATTER WHAT!
DON'T LISTEN TO ANYONE!
JUST DO IT ALREADY!!
My own Mantra for the evening, what is left of it!
I am sticking to my dreams ............ I hope you do too!
500% support........... GO FOR IT!
Love to you all,
ten fold.
Gabriela
Everyone I know is struggling to some degree, and it makes me sad, and yet, it gives me so much gumption to go the extra mile to do what I want, to live my dreams, and make them come alive, no matter what the circumstances.
I think of the woman who so desperately wanted to write for a living. She went to Starbucks everyday, and just wrote till her heart was content. Everyday, she did the same thing over and over, but the bottom line is........she believed in what she wanted. She had a vision, and she stuck to her guns.
She didn't have any money, was supporting her kids, and really, didn't have much to speak of.
There is a long, incredible story to this, but the moral of the story is, YOU HAVE GOT TO STICK IT OUT, NO MATTER WHAT IT IS THAT YOU WANT!
You may go through some rough times, but hay.......things get rough, but especially if you are detailing your life to your own specific needs, you better be prepared to go through rough spots and even down to the core survival mechanisms.
This is not a plea of some sort, or some jargon to make it seem like "Oh, the road to happiness is completely arduous". It's not that!
It is, to me, that, mapping out a kind of life that you love is not easy in today's world. Normally, you just do what you need to do, make money, get groceries, and hopefully a few good dinners and a walk with Fido at night, is pretty sufficient for most people.
Not me!
I want to be screaming from the mountain tops about what I am experiencing, learning, and sharing with others, no matter the topic, or label.
There are so many things that I am passionate about. I am doing one now, which is being around food, but not directly, serving people, and sharing that common ground, of love, food, wine, and family. Those topics are pretty darn important to me. I am learning a lot, I really am.
This is where I am now.
Where does it go from here???
What is the climax?
Is there, in fact, a climax?
There are so many tentacles to our passions, our loves, and our desires to fulfill our dreams, our passions and try to make it as parallel to our lives as we can, and if it isn't parallel, I think it is a good idea to define where we are, what we are wanting, and try to get as close as we can to what makes us happy.
After all, if anything is short of that, we just won't be happy. We may pretend to be happy, but deep inside, we just.......aren't.
For myself, I never want to compromise who I am, or what I am about, for money, or some sort of status.
I could care less, really!
Not that I want to make less money, but if I can be happy and make money?? I'm gonna go for that!
For some reason, tonight I talked to so many people who are doing things, working places that they are just not happy at, but do it for the money, and, it pays the bills.......... IT MAKES ME UTTERLY SAD!
How can we define our lives, to mold what we want to be exactly right on the money?
Is anything ever really on the money?
Do we just adjust or is that a cop out too?
I am not about adjusting!
I am about getting what I want!!
That is not a "spoiled girl" statement!
That is, DON'T FRIGIN COMPROMISE............. kind of statement.
Follow the way that feels good inside! Something that emulates YOU, your energy, and something that makes you sing from the mountain tops.
If that isn't happening......... well then........we all need to take inventory on where our lives are, and what it consists of.........and make changes where they need to be changed, and see if it makes any kind of difference.
For all of the people that I spoke to tonight, and in the recent past.........
Don't lose sight of your dreams!
Nothing is "silly", not worth doing, or too complicated, because you have no money, yada, yada, yada.
The person I was talking about in the beginning of my blog who wrote at Starbucks everyday was the woman who wrote Harry Potter.
She had a dream.........an incredible vision......and just..........STUCK IT OUT, beyond any ones opinions! Everyone thought she was "dreaming too big", but she said...........F.........everyone and went to Starbucks everyday to write about something she was incredibly passionate about.
Thus.............. Harry Frigin Potter!
OK?
That is all I'm saying.
Stick to your guns...................NO MATTER WHAT!
DON'T LISTEN TO ANYONE!
JUST DO IT ALREADY!!
My own Mantra for the evening, what is left of it!
I am sticking to my dreams ............ I hope you do too!
500% support........... GO FOR IT!
Love to you all,
ten fold.
Gabriela
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Friday, February 12, 2010
LIFE...........
........Makes no guarantees
as to what you'll have.
It just gives you time
to make
choices
and to take
CHANCES
and to discover
whatever
secrets,
and mysteries,
might
come
your
way!
~
I love you all!
as to what you'll have.
It just gives you time
to make
choices
and to take
CHANCES
and to discover
whatever
secrets,
and mysteries,
might
come
your
way!
~
I love you all!
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
BEING TOTALLY COMPASSIONATE
I know there are a gazillion ways to feel and be totally compassionate, but some stick out more than others.
Tonight, I had dinner with a special friend who has just been here for a few months, is from a different country, and is having a difficult time understanding the English language, and is planning on staying here, for many reasons, but the language "barrier" is holding her back from so much.
To me, this country is so open, so willing to help, and probably one of the easiest places to get along, even if you don't know the language.
It has been magnificent, learning a different language, helping to understand our way, and the English language, but for me as well. I am learning a different language, a different culture, and a way to be more compassionate.
To me, my friends English is no barrier, no problem! To her, it is a nemesis.
I told her, I can't imagine going to your country, just last minute, and trying to understand a language that no one had ever taught me. WOW! Kudos to you! Don't negate your progress my friend. It takes balls to go to a foreign place, put yourself out there, and to just try to speak a language that is so unfamiliar. Please don't skip over those huge details. It takes someone quite courageous to embark on that journey, amongst the many other things that go along with being a foreigner, especially here, in vanilla land, white bread America.
I won't expound just yet, there is just wayyyyyyyyyyy too much!
I have so much love and respect for those who jump off of the cliff of comfort and into an abyss of uncertainty, to follow their heart, even if they aren't sure where their heart needs to be. YOU ARE EXPLORING WITHOUT CAUTION! THAT IS WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT! I SUPPORT YOU AND ANYONE.......ON THIS ROAD!
That is where the goods are! You are on the right track!! Don't go anywhere!
They don't call it the "Mystery" for shits and grins........... It IS for a reason!
It does take a certain mind set to keep you sharp, clear and understanding of such a bizarre road, that no one seems to take but the risky.
It takes a lot to get privy, OK with, and comfortable with the uncomfortable, to meander ahead in the pasture of love, and be able to apply things in regular everyday generic life.
This past year it has taken me a lot to get back to that reality, and it has it's pleasures, but man, we do, have to consider the roads that make up half of our everyday work lives, and for just a pinch, do what we need to do, plan or whatever, just enough to get us through, but like a drug addict to his choice of drug, it is hard to take us, the ones who believe in love, away from our element of risk hood, to risk EVERYTHING..............DAMN................. EVERYTHING.........for LOVE, that beckons us so passionately, so purely, and directly.
You cannot take that away from us, and even if you do, we will secretly find time to dig it up again, to taste that sweetness, to be able to apply it in any which way that we can, because it means............THAT MUCH!
I have recently come to some major conclusions in my life. Not by making any choices in my life, but allowing everyday life to dictate what it is that I really want. It is pretty much written in sand......... I haven't said stone, just yet, but man, I am so on fire with the possibilities of my summation of what the rest of my life might be like. I'm excited and a little bit nervous that it isn't like the norm, but then again, when has my life been that "norm"?
I have never felt this detached, and that is a weird kind of word for me. Situations arise and I feel myself attached but life says, "Don't", not because it is bad, but I truly think there is some little nomad in there saying, "Gabriela, I know this is appealing, but........ we know what you truly want".
I feel like I am in the process of the Caterpillar to the Butterfly.
Wow, it is intense, and I am shedding skin, and even if it hurts, I get glimpses of my new found rise in evolution, and I forge forward, hoping it will bring me closer to what I envision as my "IN LOVE".
I feel in love right now, but it is only glimpses.
I know I am on the right path, for me, at least.
I may be alone but I am feeling so Pioneer-esque that it doesn't matter one IODA!
I am just so grateful for the FREEDOM OF CHOICE, and that I am able to voice my opinion, somewhere. Whether or not it gets recognized is another story.
I am soooooooooooooooo soooooooooooooooooo grateful for the opportunities that I have to be able to express my heart, to be able to be heard, and for the ability to make choices that are razor sharp to my my own beliefs!
God, we are so darn lucky!!!!
After talking to a friend tonight, we have many, many choices, in comparison to others and where they are from.
Let's take a moment of gratitude for our lives and how special and privileged we really are!
I'm not being corny, I'm being real!
I'm so passionate about this moment.
I wish I could articulate how it all really is, inside.
I'd probably blow myself right outa the water.
Thank you........thank you for expression!
It means everything to me...it really does!
All my love to you and for those who have helped me along my journey.
I love you so much!
Gabriela
Tonight, I had dinner with a special friend who has just been here for a few months, is from a different country, and is having a difficult time understanding the English language, and is planning on staying here, for many reasons, but the language "barrier" is holding her back from so much.
To me, this country is so open, so willing to help, and probably one of the easiest places to get along, even if you don't know the language.
It has been magnificent, learning a different language, helping to understand our way, and the English language, but for me as well. I am learning a different language, a different culture, and a way to be more compassionate.
To me, my friends English is no barrier, no problem! To her, it is a nemesis.
I told her, I can't imagine going to your country, just last minute, and trying to understand a language that no one had ever taught me. WOW! Kudos to you! Don't negate your progress my friend. It takes balls to go to a foreign place, put yourself out there, and to just try to speak a language that is so unfamiliar. Please don't skip over those huge details. It takes someone quite courageous to embark on that journey, amongst the many other things that go along with being a foreigner, especially here, in vanilla land, white bread America.
I won't expound just yet, there is just wayyyyyyyyyyy too much!
I have so much love and respect for those who jump off of the cliff of comfort and into an abyss of uncertainty, to follow their heart, even if they aren't sure where their heart needs to be. YOU ARE EXPLORING WITHOUT CAUTION! THAT IS WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT! I SUPPORT YOU AND ANYONE.......ON THIS ROAD!
That is where the goods are! You are on the right track!! Don't go anywhere!
They don't call it the "Mystery" for shits and grins........... It IS for a reason!
It does take a certain mind set to keep you sharp, clear and understanding of such a bizarre road, that no one seems to take but the risky.
It takes a lot to get privy, OK with, and comfortable with the uncomfortable, to meander ahead in the pasture of love, and be able to apply things in regular everyday generic life.
This past year it has taken me a lot to get back to that reality, and it has it's pleasures, but man, we do, have to consider the roads that make up half of our everyday work lives, and for just a pinch, do what we need to do, plan or whatever, just enough to get us through, but like a drug addict to his choice of drug, it is hard to take us, the ones who believe in love, away from our element of risk hood, to risk EVERYTHING..............DAMN................. EVERYTHING.........for LOVE, that beckons us so passionately, so purely, and directly.
You cannot take that away from us, and even if you do, we will secretly find time to dig it up again, to taste that sweetness, to be able to apply it in any which way that we can, because it means............THAT MUCH!
I have recently come to some major conclusions in my life. Not by making any choices in my life, but allowing everyday life to dictate what it is that I really want. It is pretty much written in sand......... I haven't said stone, just yet, but man, I am so on fire with the possibilities of my summation of what the rest of my life might be like. I'm excited and a little bit nervous that it isn't like the norm, but then again, when has my life been that "norm"?
I have never felt this detached, and that is a weird kind of word for me. Situations arise and I feel myself attached but life says, "Don't", not because it is bad, but I truly think there is some little nomad in there saying, "Gabriela, I know this is appealing, but........ we know what you truly want".
I feel like I am in the process of the Caterpillar to the Butterfly.
Wow, it is intense, and I am shedding skin, and even if it hurts, I get glimpses of my new found rise in evolution, and I forge forward, hoping it will bring me closer to what I envision as my "IN LOVE".
I feel in love right now, but it is only glimpses.
I know I am on the right path, for me, at least.
I may be alone but I am feeling so Pioneer-esque that it doesn't matter one IODA!
I am just so grateful for the FREEDOM OF CHOICE, and that I am able to voice my opinion, somewhere. Whether or not it gets recognized is another story.
I am soooooooooooooooo soooooooooooooooooo grateful for the opportunities that I have to be able to express my heart, to be able to be heard, and for the ability to make choices that are razor sharp to my my own beliefs!
God, we are so darn lucky!!!!
After talking to a friend tonight, we have many, many choices, in comparison to others and where they are from.
Let's take a moment of gratitude for our lives and how special and privileged we really are!
I'm not being corny, I'm being real!
I'm so passionate about this moment.
I wish I could articulate how it all really is, inside.
I'd probably blow myself right outa the water.
Thank you........thank you for expression!
It means everything to me...it really does!
All my love to you and for those who have helped me along my journey.
I love you so much!
Gabriela
KINDA LIVING TWO LIVES.....
It is always so amazing to me, to go to work, and do what you are supposed to do, and interact, and yes, be yourself, in front of the house, but too, in back of the house. I don't really want to change for anyone or anything. I guess, if it doesn't work, I will go elsewhere.
There is a certain line I just cannot cross, and that is not being true to who I am. It's hard enough to follow hard core rules, but then when it comes down to personal stuff, in your daily life, sometimes there is just no compromise.
The work that I do does require a certain amount of being "on", but honestly, for the most part, that comes real easy. I don't feel like I have to turn a switch on at all, it' just me.......
I remember 2 years back when my mom had just passed, and I came back to work. That was the ONLY time, I could not control the smile, the chatter, the this, and the that. My body took on some new thing that I wasn't aware of, and I just went with it. It was real, so I didn't care much, but it was different.
It was a whole new language for a period of time, to allow myself to just be, with what was happening, and to be vulnerable enough to sometimes say, "I'm sorry, I know I am not the Gabriela that you are used to everyday, but Mom just passed and......well......... tears would automatically come, and it was for sure, a new language for myself, to be true, not fake, because why...... but to be real, in my regular everyday setting, and to allow human nature to surface, and wow, people were very, very supportive. Some of my most beautiful relations are with those who were there for me, customers, when my mom passed.
I reflected on the last few days with my employees. Several of them.
I think all of you know that I am pretty much based in emotion........ and if you haven't figured that out yet, you will tonight.
I have this position, as Manager, and it is good.
Things in the last year have geared me toward extreme boundaries, given, on my end, and too, received on my end. Both very well understood, and both, I have to say, very, very difficult.
I don't really enjoy either end, to be honest.
I am close with all of my employees.
Most are like children, some kindred spirits, and some, I have to say, are there for specific reasons, and have been yanked from a previous life, to finish up some stuff that wasn't quite done, and now..........the chance............. seriously.
There are many employees, and to be honest, one of the main reasons I love going to work is for them.
The role of Manager is there, but on both parts, without words or explanation, there is a huge understanding that there is a connection, and it is beyond sweet.
I am the recipient of many childhood stories, school troubles, relationship troubles, abuse, neglect, friendship troubles, family stuff, and too, work related things that are troublesome, really, just the interaction with people, in general, and how it has or has not worked for these souls.
They come to me, tell me what is happening, because they feel comfortable, which to me is gold!!
I know what it is like to not have anyone that understands you. You find that one person, and all of a sudden there are hard core boundaries that go along with it. It hurts me greatly!!!!
It hurts me to not be able to be there for them in the way that I would like.
In another sense, I see how there could be innumerable people who would "need me" in this capacity and somehow you need to put a cap on it, or be distant enough to give them what you can, but know deep inside that you are not their mother, or guardian. I know that what I can do, is give them the utmost love, from a genuine place, and hope that they will be OK, and maybe someday my words or thoughts or comfort, came in handy or helped them to evolve in some way.
I cannot help but to think of a special friend who has helped me so greatly in my life within the last year.
I am not sure if they feel this way, but what I do know is that it takes a lot to take on someone else's life, and to take it into your hands, in a real, and conducive way! Wow, what a task.
Kudos to you and all that is involved with that! Phew!! It is a lot, and takes a big person to be able to separate your emotions.
I come home after work and once I am settled into my own abode, I meld into myself, my own reality, my own everything, and it seems as if my life is so, so different from that of which I live everyday, hours upon hours.
Don't get me wrong, I am myself, but there are so many different elements that come into play, and it is so busy. When I return home, the buzi.....ness......wears off and I am back home to myself, the naked raw self that can do or be or have whatever she wants.
It's funny kind of, to see what I continue to choose over and over again, as what I love.
Once in awhile I go through the should"s and shouldn'ts but for the most part, I am dead on with what I want, and how I want my time spent. It blows people away, especially with how they see my personality.
Such is the title, "KINDA LIVING TWO LIVES".
I am not pretending, by all means. I am both people, and all traits I have mentioned. But, when I return home, there is a very specific energy, very focused way, that is, really just me, but I think if my co-workers were to spend an evening with me, they wouldn't really know what to do with "This Gabby".
I had one "coworker" over the other night for an incredible dinner.
I never invite people over, only because, (not to sound pompous), there aren't many people I want to spend that much time with).
We went shopping for a menu we had planned, spent the day shopping, came home, and we both were in our element, cooking, loving food, getting excited about the new recipes, the why's the how's, the good wine we chose to go with the food, the perfect music, the fire, the dim lights, and the whole picture. We meshed together as if this was what we were supposed to be doing. It was so god darn awesome. Just an intertwining that fit, so perfectly.
This, by all means, was NOT a romantic interlude. On the contrary, it was two people so passionate about food, about pure friends, and just enjoying life and it's subtle gems that we get to eat, explore, and too, the enormity of human nature, and what it has to offer! The layers run deep. Dinner, never is ......dinner! Wine is never just "wine".
You connect on a level that erases all thought or labels!
Shoot. This is my own personal experience................ my friend could be sayin, "Great Calamari Gabriela", and end of story, who knows??
I don't think so, but, hay, I never want to speak for anyone else.
For me, I am like a sensitizer. Nothing passes by me without some kind of filter. A filter to check out the why's the how's and how it affects you during the process.
On my end...........I do live two lives.
My work scenario lets my home life in ... in small doses, which is good, and then, it all could use some good infusion of it to a great degree, to get people to come together more, to participate, and to forget about what issues they have, and hold hands with one another in the process.
It's a crazy ride.........one that I have obviously been willing to ride.
People are truly awesome.
I love my employees who are just starting out in life, and are relating to me in the most raw and organic ways.
I will never negate their experiences, nor will I ever forget who they are!
~
There is a certain line I just cannot cross, and that is not being true to who I am. It's hard enough to follow hard core rules, but then when it comes down to personal stuff, in your daily life, sometimes there is just no compromise.
The work that I do does require a certain amount of being "on", but honestly, for the most part, that comes real easy. I don't feel like I have to turn a switch on at all, it' just me.......
I remember 2 years back when my mom had just passed, and I came back to work. That was the ONLY time, I could not control the smile, the chatter, the this, and the that. My body took on some new thing that I wasn't aware of, and I just went with it. It was real, so I didn't care much, but it was different.
It was a whole new language for a period of time, to allow myself to just be, with what was happening, and to be vulnerable enough to sometimes say, "I'm sorry, I know I am not the Gabriela that you are used to everyday, but Mom just passed and......well......... tears would automatically come, and it was for sure, a new language for myself, to be true, not fake, because why...... but to be real, in my regular everyday setting, and to allow human nature to surface, and wow, people were very, very supportive. Some of my most beautiful relations are with those who were there for me, customers, when my mom passed.
I reflected on the last few days with my employees. Several of them.
I think all of you know that I am pretty much based in emotion........ and if you haven't figured that out yet, you will tonight.
I have this position, as Manager, and it is good.
Things in the last year have geared me toward extreme boundaries, given, on my end, and too, received on my end. Both very well understood, and both, I have to say, very, very difficult.
I don't really enjoy either end, to be honest.
I am close with all of my employees.
Most are like children, some kindred spirits, and some, I have to say, are there for specific reasons, and have been yanked from a previous life, to finish up some stuff that wasn't quite done, and now..........the chance............. seriously.
There are many employees, and to be honest, one of the main reasons I love going to work is for them.
The role of Manager is there, but on both parts, without words or explanation, there is a huge understanding that there is a connection, and it is beyond sweet.
I am the recipient of many childhood stories, school troubles, relationship troubles, abuse, neglect, friendship troubles, family stuff, and too, work related things that are troublesome, really, just the interaction with people, in general, and how it has or has not worked for these souls.
They come to me, tell me what is happening, because they feel comfortable, which to me is gold!!
I know what it is like to not have anyone that understands you. You find that one person, and all of a sudden there are hard core boundaries that go along with it. It hurts me greatly!!!!
It hurts me to not be able to be there for them in the way that I would like.
In another sense, I see how there could be innumerable people who would "need me" in this capacity and somehow you need to put a cap on it, or be distant enough to give them what you can, but know deep inside that you are not their mother, or guardian. I know that what I can do, is give them the utmost love, from a genuine place, and hope that they will be OK, and maybe someday my words or thoughts or comfort, came in handy or helped them to evolve in some way.
I cannot help but to think of a special friend who has helped me so greatly in my life within the last year.
I am not sure if they feel this way, but what I do know is that it takes a lot to take on someone else's life, and to take it into your hands, in a real, and conducive way! Wow, what a task.
Kudos to you and all that is involved with that! Phew!! It is a lot, and takes a big person to be able to separate your emotions.
I come home after work and once I am settled into my own abode, I meld into myself, my own reality, my own everything, and it seems as if my life is so, so different from that of which I live everyday, hours upon hours.
Don't get me wrong, I am myself, but there are so many different elements that come into play, and it is so busy. When I return home, the buzi.....ness......wears off and I am back home to myself, the naked raw self that can do or be or have whatever she wants.
It's funny kind of, to see what I continue to choose over and over again, as what I love.
Once in awhile I go through the should"s and shouldn'ts but for the most part, I am dead on with what I want, and how I want my time spent. It blows people away, especially with how they see my personality.
Such is the title, "KINDA LIVING TWO LIVES".
I am not pretending, by all means. I am both people, and all traits I have mentioned. But, when I return home, there is a very specific energy, very focused way, that is, really just me, but I think if my co-workers were to spend an evening with me, they wouldn't really know what to do with "This Gabby".
I had one "coworker" over the other night for an incredible dinner.
I never invite people over, only because, (not to sound pompous), there aren't many people I want to spend that much time with).
We went shopping for a menu we had planned, spent the day shopping, came home, and we both were in our element, cooking, loving food, getting excited about the new recipes, the why's the how's, the good wine we chose to go with the food, the perfect music, the fire, the dim lights, and the whole picture. We meshed together as if this was what we were supposed to be doing. It was so god darn awesome. Just an intertwining that fit, so perfectly.
This, by all means, was NOT a romantic interlude. On the contrary, it was two people so passionate about food, about pure friends, and just enjoying life and it's subtle gems that we get to eat, explore, and too, the enormity of human nature, and what it has to offer! The layers run deep. Dinner, never is ......dinner! Wine is never just "wine".
You connect on a level that erases all thought or labels!
Shoot. This is my own personal experience................ my friend could be sayin, "Great Calamari Gabriela", and end of story, who knows??
I don't think so, but, hay, I never want to speak for anyone else.
For me, I am like a sensitizer. Nothing passes by me without some kind of filter. A filter to check out the why's the how's and how it affects you during the process.
On my end...........I do live two lives.
My work scenario lets my home life in ... in small doses, which is good, and then, it all could use some good infusion of it to a great degree, to get people to come together more, to participate, and to forget about what issues they have, and hold hands with one another in the process.
It's a crazy ride.........one that I have obviously been willing to ride.
People are truly awesome.
I love my employees who are just starting out in life, and are relating to me in the most raw and organic ways.
I will never negate their experiences, nor will I ever forget who they are!
~
Monday, February 8, 2010
I THINK..........
That if it is possible to be 100% OK with where you are, and embracing all of it's fancy colors, uncertainties, and grey areas, then you have made a huge mark in your evolution!
I think it is always important to keep your dreams alive, and to make sure you are headed that way, at every moment in time, just to be sure that you are not cheating yourself of your own good time that you know you will have, since, of course, it is your dream, that you are drumming up.
It is the in between ground that I think is JUST AS IMPORTANT, to get a good grip of, to make sure you are not waiting for that other thing, or the softer grass on the other side, thinking that IT WILL MAKE YOU HAPPIER.
The truth is, it may.........but where you are is happening for a reason. It really is. Me too! I mean, I could easily say, "OK, enough already", but the soft grass ain't happenin' and so I have to make my own soft grass where the mud is, somehow, right now! I cannot wait!
I want to laugh, to enjoy, and to partake in life as if it is exactly what I want, even though, it may not be, right now.
I check out the simple things in between the rough edges, try to see the beauty in all situations, and if not, check in with someone who will remind me of those sacred little spots that I am skipping over.
No one really had a set formula for living in this life, scott free, easy sailing, and no bruises along the way. If so, they weren't in my click of friends, that is for sure.
I remember as a kid, I would always envy my rich friends who's parents were doctors, lawyers, mothers stayed at home playing tennis, they grew up with Fido the dog, a million games, toys, phones, TVs, clothes, and such...........a new wardrobe before the start of a new school year........you know the type........... and there I was this little ruff and tumble, holes in her jeans (not much has changed, except it is fashionable these days), and we didn't have much, but I was always laughing amongst the crazy stuff that was happening, finding creative ways to stay true to myself, and to make light of all situations. I'd look at my friends who had it so easy, and think, are they really happy? It's funny because they always said they wanted to be like me?? Go figure! The grass that seemed so "green", wasn't actually so "green" for them, for whatever reason!
I know the grass isn't really greener on the other side from tons of my own experiences.
So with that, everyday, I strive to accept life's challenges, losses, and sense of my reality that may or may not be short of what I think is best for me.
It is like doing a thesis on human behavior, studying yourself, how you relate to the world, others, and how to stay so true to yourself, and too, to make sure you know what the SELF is, and if not, mold yourself to what it is that you think you want to be, inside and out.
The psyche is pretty intricate, and this past year has given me so many huge opportunities to look soooo closely at myself, my actions, my words, my ways, and how I relate to the world, my friends, my acquaintances, my "teachers" and family.
It is quite the responsibility to get that microscope out, to be honest enough to look at yourself, and to change things if they need to be changed, or challenge those who think you are something that you are not, or, plainly, just not do anything and dare to be OK with not having to say a word, and letting people think what they want about you.
That is always interesting, and........hard, to be honest with you!
They do think they know you, and you say nothing, and they think, "Yes, I had her pegged".
Sorry to burst your bubble, just don't want to have to explain myself any further.
I don't know how people do it, really?! Either people are unhappy, and can't recognize it, and just assume that they are happy, and do what they know, OR, they march on, being their own individual, and hope that along that path, they will find support for their boldness, and people who will actually get it, or at least support you with somewhat of an understanding and maybe open to a new understanding, but for people to peg you, as "this or that", and not take a step into uncharted territory is amazing to me.
Did I just go off on a short tangent? xoxo
Always keep your dreams alive, stay true to who you are, and ask deeply, that you attract people of like mind, that don't just understand where you are coming from, but LIVE WHAT YOU LIVE, and can share that commonality as a true experience, not one that seems like some pie in the sky.
Individuality is great, and I say, "Always stay true to it, but damn, make sure you have a good ol' parachute for the many falls that come along with it".
It is a ride...............
I will always support any and all creativity, individual choices, no matter what they are, and embrace your every desire, as if it were my own.
People need that.
Lets be there for each other.
~
I think it is always important to keep your dreams alive, and to make sure you are headed that way, at every moment in time, just to be sure that you are not cheating yourself of your own good time that you know you will have, since, of course, it is your dream, that you are drumming up.
It is the in between ground that I think is JUST AS IMPORTANT, to get a good grip of, to make sure you are not waiting for that other thing, or the softer grass on the other side, thinking that IT WILL MAKE YOU HAPPIER.
The truth is, it may.........but where you are is happening for a reason. It really is. Me too! I mean, I could easily say, "OK, enough already", but the soft grass ain't happenin' and so I have to make my own soft grass where the mud is, somehow, right now! I cannot wait!
I want to laugh, to enjoy, and to partake in life as if it is exactly what I want, even though, it may not be, right now.
I check out the simple things in between the rough edges, try to see the beauty in all situations, and if not, check in with someone who will remind me of those sacred little spots that I am skipping over.
No one really had a set formula for living in this life, scott free, easy sailing, and no bruises along the way. If so, they weren't in my click of friends, that is for sure.
I remember as a kid, I would always envy my rich friends who's parents were doctors, lawyers, mothers stayed at home playing tennis, they grew up with Fido the dog, a million games, toys, phones, TVs, clothes, and such...........a new wardrobe before the start of a new school year........you know the type........... and there I was this little ruff and tumble, holes in her jeans (not much has changed, except it is fashionable these days), and we didn't have much, but I was always laughing amongst the crazy stuff that was happening, finding creative ways to stay true to myself, and to make light of all situations. I'd look at my friends who had it so easy, and think, are they really happy? It's funny because they always said they wanted to be like me?? Go figure! The grass that seemed so "green", wasn't actually so "green" for them, for whatever reason!
I know the grass isn't really greener on the other side from tons of my own experiences.
So with that, everyday, I strive to accept life's challenges, losses, and sense of my reality that may or may not be short of what I think is best for me.
It is like doing a thesis on human behavior, studying yourself, how you relate to the world, others, and how to stay so true to yourself, and too, to make sure you know what the SELF is, and if not, mold yourself to what it is that you think you want to be, inside and out.
The psyche is pretty intricate, and this past year has given me so many huge opportunities to look soooo closely at myself, my actions, my words, my ways, and how I relate to the world, my friends, my acquaintances, my "teachers" and family.
It is quite the responsibility to get that microscope out, to be honest enough to look at yourself, and to change things if they need to be changed, or challenge those who think you are something that you are not, or, plainly, just not do anything and dare to be OK with not having to say a word, and letting people think what they want about you.
That is always interesting, and........hard, to be honest with you!
They do think they know you, and you say nothing, and they think, "Yes, I had her pegged".
Sorry to burst your bubble, just don't want to have to explain myself any further.
I don't know how people do it, really?! Either people are unhappy, and can't recognize it, and just assume that they are happy, and do what they know, OR, they march on, being their own individual, and hope that along that path, they will find support for their boldness, and people who will actually get it, or at least support you with somewhat of an understanding and maybe open to a new understanding, but for people to peg you, as "this or that", and not take a step into uncharted territory is amazing to me.
Did I just go off on a short tangent? xoxo
Always keep your dreams alive, stay true to who you are, and ask deeply, that you attract people of like mind, that don't just understand where you are coming from, but LIVE WHAT YOU LIVE, and can share that commonality as a true experience, not one that seems like some pie in the sky.
Individuality is great, and I say, "Always stay true to it, but damn, make sure you have a good ol' parachute for the many falls that come along with it".
It is a ride...............
I will always support any and all creativity, individual choices, no matter what they are, and embrace your every desire, as if it were my own.
People need that.
Lets be there for each other.
~
Sunday, February 7, 2010
SQUEEZING IN QUALITY TIME......
I just realized something as I continued to type in the rest of the letters to the title of my blog.
What quality time to us is, the perfect picture, of maybe being quite, alone, (at least for me), in nature, observing nature, life, having quiet time to contemplate what it is that I feel, getting objective on things, so to not be caught up in the roller coaster of life, and to be able to march forward with some clarity, and a consciousness that keeps you in high regard for yourself, your soul, and your applications in life.
It dawned on me that maybe it isn't the perfect picture that is supposed to do it for me. Maybe my learning IS IN the hustle and bustle, the "no moments to spare", and that my learning curves are amped up maybe a little bit more than I would like, but in it, is the gold, that keeps me so utterly awake, in every moment, and so grateful for every last situation that has left me speechless, literally!
My thoughts sway from time to time, thinking that it just doesn't have to be this way, and I feel that inside, and we do, without a doubt have control over our own destinies, but in the meantime, for us who are still learning to master that plan, we can embrace all of these moments and learn to not want anything else, as the proverbial, "Grass is greener on the other side", motto.
I have some beautiful, beautiful lessons before me, and it hasn't been easy, but nevertheless, I am stronger within, have a better sense of who I am, and who I want to become, more and more everyday.
The details, I think will work themselves out, although, I do think that with some precise thinking on my part, I can map out exactly what I want, and achieve it. I don't know myself to NOT GET WHAT I WANT.
At this point and time, I do have to get specific. It always is geared toward a very secluded life, which excites me, and then there is the part that says, " Hmmm, I know my feisty personality, it will have to have some one to bounce my craziness off of". My unedited humor, thoughts and individual perspectives need some sort of expression.
It is so hard to find quality time to get down to the bare bones about what it really is that I want, or at least narrow things down and make some sort of plan.
Work takes up a lot of time.
With daily living, it becomes the "rat on the wheel", which I hate to categorize myself in.
It bugs me everyday, and I cannot sleep, wondering how I will successfully weave my way outside of a world that is so "concrete", so robotic with what should happen.
In some odd way, I wish I were that simple, as to want to go to work, come home, watch some TV, and go to bed.
I go to bed with a burning desire to know so many things. To go deeper into realms that I have uncovered in my life. Once that has been uncovered, there is no turning back for me.
It's like tasting the sweetest dessert, and never finding it again.
You go from shop to shop, tasting all kinds of sweets, and you just cannot find that one flavor that knocked your socks off.
I am quietly determined to get to where I want to be, and it has been a very lonely ride. That is not to feel any kind of sorrow or sadness for me at all. It is just that with my train of thought, there is a deep requirement from me.
In all of my alone time, I have swerved from deep human regular experiences, to the sublime, where I just wish I would not have to return, and maybe if I did, it would be to be of some service, quietly, but to make some kind of difference in the world.
How, though, to get so precise, clear, and productive in a regular world that requires so much of your time, and bills, and responsibilities...........the list goes on.
Hay, look, I'm not looking to be the loner, saint who is homeless, and wants a badge for helping others, by all means.
I honestly think there is a calling, and I haven't quite found it, but am swimming so strong to get there, wherever "there" is.
Like I said, maybe "there", is HERE. Doing what I am doing, and being a regular kind of person, that is interacting with the people that I do, everyday.
I cannot negate those experiences, they are bold, deep, and individual, amongst a regular work day.
Sometimes I come home and say, "Maybe my idea of things is all wrong". Maybe the teachings for me and others is in just being me, in a regular atmosphere, but staying strong and centered inside, with the love and truth that I know to be real and alive.
I can cry thinking of the heights that it takes me, and then, I think, I need something else.
Maybe I am just good where I am, and it is just that simple!!
Maybe I negate my daily life, thinking I need some intense happening.
I really do love my life, it's just that I am so passionate I could scream.
Where, then, is the outlet, and..................THE TIME!
I don't want to squeeze in quality time!
I feel good by myself, figuring out who I am, and how I want to mold my life, according to my own personal beliefs, not what others want me to be, for them.
I don't really miss anyone in my life, just the ones who have some kind of burning question, or conversation that can relate to getting to the deeper core of who we are and what exactly we are here for.
It certainly isn't for making a million bucks, having a nice car, and coming home for a nice Filet Mignon and great bottle of wine............. Got all that, minus the millions..............
Who cares? Really!
"Come to me with Nothin", I say. Just come open, and with something to say.
I could care less about anything else.
It really is, all ..........irrelevant.
~
What quality time to us is, the perfect picture, of maybe being quite, alone, (at least for me), in nature, observing nature, life, having quiet time to contemplate what it is that I feel, getting objective on things, so to not be caught up in the roller coaster of life, and to be able to march forward with some clarity, and a consciousness that keeps you in high regard for yourself, your soul, and your applications in life.
It dawned on me that maybe it isn't the perfect picture that is supposed to do it for me. Maybe my learning IS IN the hustle and bustle, the "no moments to spare", and that my learning curves are amped up maybe a little bit more than I would like, but in it, is the gold, that keeps me so utterly awake, in every moment, and so grateful for every last situation that has left me speechless, literally!
My thoughts sway from time to time, thinking that it just doesn't have to be this way, and I feel that inside, and we do, without a doubt have control over our own destinies, but in the meantime, for us who are still learning to master that plan, we can embrace all of these moments and learn to not want anything else, as the proverbial, "Grass is greener on the other side", motto.
I have some beautiful, beautiful lessons before me, and it hasn't been easy, but nevertheless, I am stronger within, have a better sense of who I am, and who I want to become, more and more everyday.
The details, I think will work themselves out, although, I do think that with some precise thinking on my part, I can map out exactly what I want, and achieve it. I don't know myself to NOT GET WHAT I WANT.
At this point and time, I do have to get specific. It always is geared toward a very secluded life, which excites me, and then there is the part that says, " Hmmm, I know my feisty personality, it will have to have some one to bounce my craziness off of". My unedited humor, thoughts and individual perspectives need some sort of expression.
It is so hard to find quality time to get down to the bare bones about what it really is that I want, or at least narrow things down and make some sort of plan.
Work takes up a lot of time.
With daily living, it becomes the "rat on the wheel", which I hate to categorize myself in.
It bugs me everyday, and I cannot sleep, wondering how I will successfully weave my way outside of a world that is so "concrete", so robotic with what should happen.
In some odd way, I wish I were that simple, as to want to go to work, come home, watch some TV, and go to bed.
I go to bed with a burning desire to know so many things. To go deeper into realms that I have uncovered in my life. Once that has been uncovered, there is no turning back for me.
It's like tasting the sweetest dessert, and never finding it again.
You go from shop to shop, tasting all kinds of sweets, and you just cannot find that one flavor that knocked your socks off.
I am quietly determined to get to where I want to be, and it has been a very lonely ride. That is not to feel any kind of sorrow or sadness for me at all. It is just that with my train of thought, there is a deep requirement from me.
In all of my alone time, I have swerved from deep human regular experiences, to the sublime, where I just wish I would not have to return, and maybe if I did, it would be to be of some service, quietly, but to make some kind of difference in the world.
How, though, to get so precise, clear, and productive in a regular world that requires so much of your time, and bills, and responsibilities...........the list goes on.
Hay, look, I'm not looking to be the loner, saint who is homeless, and wants a badge for helping others, by all means.
I honestly think there is a calling, and I haven't quite found it, but am swimming so strong to get there, wherever "there" is.
Like I said, maybe "there", is HERE. Doing what I am doing, and being a regular kind of person, that is interacting with the people that I do, everyday.
I cannot negate those experiences, they are bold, deep, and individual, amongst a regular work day.
Sometimes I come home and say, "Maybe my idea of things is all wrong". Maybe the teachings for me and others is in just being me, in a regular atmosphere, but staying strong and centered inside, with the love and truth that I know to be real and alive.
I can cry thinking of the heights that it takes me, and then, I think, I need something else.
Maybe I am just good where I am, and it is just that simple!!
Maybe I negate my daily life, thinking I need some intense happening.
I really do love my life, it's just that I am so passionate I could scream.
Where, then, is the outlet, and..................THE TIME!
I don't want to squeeze in quality time!
I feel good by myself, figuring out who I am, and how I want to mold my life, according to my own personal beliefs, not what others want me to be, for them.
I don't really miss anyone in my life, just the ones who have some kind of burning question, or conversation that can relate to getting to the deeper core of who we are and what exactly we are here for.
It certainly isn't for making a million bucks, having a nice car, and coming home for a nice Filet Mignon and great bottle of wine............. Got all that, minus the millions..............
Who cares? Really!
"Come to me with Nothin", I say. Just come open, and with something to say.
I could care less about anything else.
It really is, all ..........irrelevant.
~
Friday, February 5, 2010
DON'T SWAY TO THE LEFT............
DON'T SWAY TO THE RIGHT!
Stay at a happy medium, in the middle, where there is a conscious thought of being solid in the now, the present, and taking glances a bit into the future, only to see what you might need to plan for, just the important stuff like making flight arrangements, or making deadlines, or plans to actually do something when and where.........
Life throws so many curve balls, that if we stay too stuck in our "plans", than we will be highly disappointed if something goes awry.
Don't get too excited about things, and don't get too "low" if something doesn't pan out...........stay somewhere in the middle, whereas, if you are neutral, and solid in the moment, and not expecting too much out of anyone, or putting to much credence in a plan, than it is highly unlikely that you will be disappointed.
Find the middle ground.
It's hard when life throws so many curve balls around, and you feel like you are swimming in a huge whirlpool of debris.
Look at the debris, access the situation, and move forward with strength, courage, and with some sort of plan that will bail you out of your own mess.
There are solutions to every problem, we just have to get clear enough to hear the message inside, as to what those solutions are, or, at least, bring in people who might be able to give you a few good messages to apply to your daily life and practices.
Don't go too far to the left, and don't swing too far to the right. Stay right where you are, as much as you can, and look objectively.
It is such a good thing, for me at least. I will do anything to gain a more clear vision of what needs to happen next in my life. But in the meantime, I'm stepping back, to look at things a bit closer, but putting them back down on the table so I can take a better look at what Gabriela actually has on her plate............. then I can say.."Hmmm", now, what plan of action should I take?"
If the plan doesn't pan...........well, then............ I continue to look at the table, with all of my "cards" on it, and begin to see things in a different light. A little effort, a little trust..................
That works for me, what about you?
~
Stay at a happy medium, in the middle, where there is a conscious thought of being solid in the now, the present, and taking glances a bit into the future, only to see what you might need to plan for, just the important stuff like making flight arrangements, or making deadlines, or plans to actually do something when and where.........
Life throws so many curve balls, that if we stay too stuck in our "plans", than we will be highly disappointed if something goes awry.
Don't get too excited about things, and don't get too "low" if something doesn't pan out...........stay somewhere in the middle, whereas, if you are neutral, and solid in the moment, and not expecting too much out of anyone, or putting to much credence in a plan, than it is highly unlikely that you will be disappointed.
Find the middle ground.
It's hard when life throws so many curve balls around, and you feel like you are swimming in a huge whirlpool of debris.
Look at the debris, access the situation, and move forward with strength, courage, and with some sort of plan that will bail you out of your own mess.
There are solutions to every problem, we just have to get clear enough to hear the message inside, as to what those solutions are, or, at least, bring in people who might be able to give you a few good messages to apply to your daily life and practices.
Don't go too far to the left, and don't swing too far to the right. Stay right where you are, as much as you can, and look objectively.
It is such a good thing, for me at least. I will do anything to gain a more clear vision of what needs to happen next in my life. But in the meantime, I'm stepping back, to look at things a bit closer, but putting them back down on the table so I can take a better look at what Gabriela actually has on her plate............. then I can say.."Hmmm", now, what plan of action should I take?"
If the plan doesn't pan...........well, then............ I continue to look at the table, with all of my "cards" on it, and begin to see things in a different light. A little effort, a little trust..................
That works for me, what about you?
~
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
The Ocean
Silence lies in the Ocean,
while words flow through the river.
The Ocean waits for you,
don't wait for the River.
Look to the Ocean
and watch it's message.
It will come!
It will come!
~
while words flow through the river.
The Ocean waits for you,
don't wait for the River.
Look to the Ocean
and watch it's message.
It will come!
It will come!
~
Monday, February 1, 2010
SITTIN'............
On my bed with boxers and UGG Boots............ contemplating life!
That is it!
There is a whole bunch of life that is happening............turning and churning..................
I am just grateful for the workings of Love.
Tons of words could be said, or talked about, but really, it is as simple as this..............
I am so utterly grateful for my life and what it has to offer.
Thank you so much.............. for allowing me to express, so genuinely............
I love you!
That is it!
There is a whole bunch of life that is happening............turning and churning..................
I am just grateful for the workings of Love.
Tons of words could be said, or talked about, but really, it is as simple as this..............
I am so utterly grateful for my life and what it has to offer.
Thank you so much.............. for allowing me to express, so genuinely............
I love you!
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