Somehow all by itself, a groove has set in with my new schedule, and I am happy to say that I am not trying to keep my eyes open at night, trying to express just what the heck is going on in this small, but ginormous (I know that is not really a word) vessel. I get to wake up, fresh, and devote a certain period of time to writing, to walking, and just enjoying the quiet of the day, while everyone is at work. My animals literally wait for me, and we have this little thing going on each morning that really, I would not trade for the world.
There isn't much thinking to do, really, on a regular day, aside from taking care of daily responsibilities, and making time for my animals. So, with all that life has offered me in the recent past, I could really jump up and scream HALLELUJAH for forcing me into a place that I really wanted to be anyway.
The simplicity of my days are almost dream like, in a sense. It has come down to such basics that it has brought me to another reality, one that soooooooo needed to come full circle, especially panning back on say, the last 10 years or so.
I do know, that this is almost extreme, looking at the life I have led in the past.
People talk of finding the middle way, and I believe in that whole hearted. If I had time to write of how my life first started out, and then how it blossomed into another reality, and as you grow older, different circumstances find their way to you, and you see, in retrospect, how you are innately trying to find out who the heck you are in all of your blind, or not so blind choices, and in there, you see somewhat of a zig zag-ness to your life's patterns.
For me, I pan back on my life and it just amazes me. It truly intrigues me to the enth degree!!
To see the whys, the how's, and how it all relates on a spiritual level, a psychological level, and how naturally, at some point, our human nature wants to know why???
Why this and why that?
I know that is not just me!
Some ask this early on, like me, at age 5, 6, 7 and wow, 15 years old was a doozy!! The way I am now is the way I was at 15~
(people ask why I don' t have a child?) I could never imagine answering some of the questions I had asked my mother at 15. There is no way!
Anyway, I think we are all trying to get to a certain middle ground. One that feels right for us. No ones road is the same, so I cannot look at Joe's life and judge, as to where he is in his life, or where he is not. Who is to say what his life patterns are and why? It is not for me to know, or make a call on. And visa verse.
You cannot look at my life, and see what your eyes choose to see, and make some solid statement about it. How can you really? Have you ridden on a flying horse through the course of my journey here? Probably not, so it really is silly to say that you have an opinion about someones course in life.
I have been doing some specific work with someone very special who has helped me to have that same objective look at my own life, to have that much compassion and a non- judgemental view on my OWN life and the events that have occurred in it.
It makes me understand, more than ever, how easy it is for us to place judgement on each other, when we cannot even have that same compassion for ourselves, and the things that have happened to us, or situations that have shown up that we just have had no control over.
It is a huge awakening for me, and refreshing when I can see it all in a clear light.
I have always been one to "escape" regular life and find anything that would take me to a more innocent, more pure ground. Anything, than what was in my world. That isn't to say that what was in my world wasn't good. I had a childhood, in some ways, like others. Regular stuff, school, friends, playing softball, TV and all of the norm that goes on.
As a kid, I even wanted to escape that!
I made an underground fort. I'd hide all of my books and magazines in there. I'd bring my backpack, a notepad, and a flashlight, pillows, a blanket, and a little tape recorder.
It was in the woods, and man, you could not have given me a better place to retreat to.
I would write, and write, and write. Talk in that recorder about what was happening outside in nature, write about it, and in my own right, I was so high on that experience, that when I returned home, it was always, always, such a bummer, to then "come down" to everyday normal life, inside, with fried chicken from Kentucky Fried Chicken, cole slaw, and watching the Brady Bunch.
I would adjust, actually, just as I do now, when I leave here in the morning, in my incredible nucleus of "my kind of world", and I head to work, wondering...........WHY?
Not why do I have to work, but why is there that separation? At least so vastly different?
I carry this experience with me, and it is grand.......... but there is a coming down, to some degree, and it saddens me to not have the time to make that grow even more, with more time spent in nature, or just having that quality time alone to stay here, in this loveliness.
There is a middle way.
I have spend years with a Spiritual teacher living in extremes.........that is not for me, at least with such rules and regulations.
I have been a wild banshee, and trust me, wild at heart............. in every way..............that extreme was not for me............ and there are a million other things that are being filtered as to what is me and what is not me, but I will have to say, that this simple living...........this very simple living............. I have returned to, IS FOR ME.
A friend who used to be with me in the years with my Spiritual teacher wrote to me and said, "From reading your blog, it sounds like you are still "there".
Before I met my spiritual teacher, I lived most of my childhood, teens and twenties, in a very spiritual way. Searching, meditating, spending excessive time in nature, being alone, discovering myself inside and out. By the time I met my spiritual teacher, it was just an extension of who I had already discovered I was.
Some people, when they met our Spiritual teacher, had never even thought about spirituality. They had a completely different take on life, with view points, opinions and skepticism about many things, especially spirituality, yet, somehow they found a way to bring in such a presence, via a "Spiritual Guide", and boom....... a life unfolds, again, different for all of us.
After I left that arena, I swung back to old ways only because I rebelled against such hard core rules, but in time, have found myself back to the very same simple ways that resonate with me, minus the rules, the regulations and all of the many crazy do's, don'ts, should and shouldn'ts.
I embrace all of life. I am a huge allowance for all things. If it is in front of me, it is for a reason, and I can politely say, yes, or no.
Not, OH MY GOD, I CAN'T........SUCH AND SUCH SAID THAT IS A BAD IDEA.
Plainly, I don't care for that, thanks. Or, heck yea..........I'll try that, or do that! That looks like fun!
Who said that was "Bad?"
Well, I can see that this subject could go on forever.
MIDDLE GROUND !!!!
There is always a searching.
No matter the title.
I say, 'WHATEVER IT TAKES".
We are like little kids trying to put together a puzzle.
Make it fun.
Soon, the puzzle will be completed...........and IF NOT................
Hopefully you had fun trying to put the pieces together.
Puzzles are hard!!
Depends on the scenery.
I always happened to pick the ones with all of the lakes, streams, trees with tons of colors, and blue, blue waters with rocks upon rocks.............mountains and such.
Go ahead with that puzzle............. one took me years..................
I did have a great sense of completion when I finished it and remember pasting it together, as to never forget the tenacity it took to see it through!
Maybe when I am old and grey, I will have enough paste to spread over my time here, to secure it all in one big puzzle and frame it for some other crazy fool that will embark on the same hungry, passionate, nail biting journey that has given me some definite character driven attributes.
~ Touche to the Middle Way!
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