THE DEEPER I GO....

......it seems as if time melts away, and everything around me that was once seemingly important, has faded in the background, and now sits there as a mere back drop to my life.

Almost like props to decorate a life that isn't even seen.

Everything this morning is as if I had just made the most passionate love to it.

My senses are so acute.

It seems as if everything is in slow motion, and my awareness has been re-born, even from yesterday.

Just going to get some eggs out of the refrigerator was a moment in time. How could I ever describe the depth of awareness that has come over me? Everything I looked at, touched, and saw, in my reality, was an extension of a life force that is so far beyond expression, that I literally HAD to move that slow, just because I saw it all happening and wanted to grasp the enormity of what "someone" or "something" out there was showing me, or teaching me.

God, in these moments I say, "I don't care if they think I am crazy", and here I sit typing away about my morning so far.

Why?

I sat up so late last night reading. I lay in bed with so many experiences. It is almost too much to contain. I have had so many incredible revelations lately that I have curtailed certain things, like diet, exercise, and over all well being, so that I can be more fine tuned to it. It wasn't even a big decision or anything. What I thought would be hard, to give up or curtail certain things, hasn't even been a big deal, but what it has done is, ( not surprising) given me even more of a life force that has enabled me to tap into, or really, I should say, embrace the things that are rushing toward me like bats outa hell.

I have deliberately made it a point to stay so single minded in the moment these days, which can be really difficult, but it has been a long year, and lots of discipline on my end, to stay at peace while the tidal waves have been crashing in my nucleus.

There are all of the "shoulds" and "shouldn'ts" practices, books, meditations, visualizations, you name it, that I have tried to apply, but it is so obvious that when we are not soulfully ready for those things, it will not take affect. Simply because there is too much fear covering up the small, or maybe I should say wide, opening of what I would call the doorway to LOVE.

In all of my recent discoveries about myself, my own theatrical life, and all of the characters in it, I have come to a very big conclusion that in all of it's mushy, esoteric, la la land-ish, out there type of views, that raising my hands in the air out of complete Surrender to such doing-ness, is totally for me!!!!

To understand the enormity of this very precise moment and to live so fully in that, is .......FOR ME!!!

To wallow in that reality more so than in the down to earth, matter of factness, is.......for me.........although, it has been amazing welcoming the responsibilities of that down to earthness and using it in the most practical and necessary ways to actually exist here, it still, is something that is secondary, almost, just because I HAVE TO.

But who is to say, that I cannot exist in my own little esoteric, free-loving world that, hay.......does ME GOOD?

We all have our loves and what that means in our everyday world. There are some people that think I am absolutely crazy in how I spend my days, or NOT spend my days. To me, I couldn't fathom spending my days like some, but to each his own. I have no judgement really. I've been there, and found, eh, it's just not for me. Certainly my way of living isn't for everyone, but that is OK.

I was in the shower this morning thinking, Wow, there was a huge part of my life that was spent only meditating, cooking for people, doing service for others, going to the theatre, the symphony, and only hanging around like minded people that shared the same loves or interests. There were no malls, no shopping, no restaurants, no to a lot of what everyday people do. Shopping for clothes, accessories, buying in general was out of the question, really. Spending time in nature, walks, hikes, eating only the foods that served your body well, and only putting good things in the body were an absolute.

It sounds barbaric really, but there was such a greatness about it.

I love all of those things, even now. Some, at least.

The only difference between now and then is that, THEN, it was sort of forced upon you. This is the way we live here, and even if you didn't like it, or wasn't quite up to that speed, you still had to adhere, and maybe, even it wasn't something that you wanted to do, but at least you got to see from both ends of the spectrum. In hind site, I loved a lot of those things, and to tell you the truth, to some extent, that was the most amazing time of my life, until I saw that I wanted to find more of a balance in my life and not be so regimented.

The point of me telling you this is, when you give yourself the time, the quality time, to listen to whatever your hearts calling is, to whatever it is that your little self drums up to be soothing and perfect for you, and right on the money, you just meld into that and see WOW, LOOK AT WHAT
I'VE CHOSEN, LOOK AT WHAT I REALLY LOVE!

For me, it is the same now as it was years ago, when I was with my Spiritual Teacher.

Only now, I choose what I want, when I want and there are no should or shouldn'ts. Just Gabriela making the decision to say, "Ya know, today, I really want to be quiet, and go for a walk and maybe meditate.............OR NOT..............

I have the total choice to mold my life the way it feels good to me.

Sometimes my choices aren't so parallel to what I want, but that is when I get to practice some good things that I know, and therein lies regular, everyday homework that comes along with life.

Being alone is the most wonderful experience on the face of the earth.

Having loving people around is a must!

Sharing love, is a MUST.

Expressing love..............IS A MUST.

Whatever it takes for us to experience the greatness inside, I support.

For me, it is all that I have expressed.

For you, it is what you are making your world to be, if you are happy in it.

I commend you for detailing it to your liking.

I learn and embrace every ones way, and love to see the beauty in all of the different ways that people express their true love and passions.

No way is the right way.

If it makes you genuinely happy, that is the right way.

I am so utterly crazy today, for the love that fills me, for the people who teach me to love deeper, have more compassion, and to see life from a more objective place, rather than a reactive place that keeps me living in such a small little cubie hole.

Expansion is the name of the game.

Anyone wanna play?

Run outside and jump in the air, do some cartwheels or something.............. life is happening in such a big way, I can hardly stand it.

I love you guys.............

more than ever.

Thank you for being my mirrors...........in so many magnificent ways.

Gabriela