I Never Know........

Ya know, I never really know what it is that I am going to write every night that I sit here.

I wind down from my day, my dogs all sit beside me and I just look around for awhile, checking my surroundings out. Sifting through my thoughts, where I am at, what I took from my day, what I learned, how I laughed, who I came in contact with, who's smile or comments stuck with me.......all of it.

I could literally stay busy every moment of every day, and tell myself that I am not tired, but I have learned to turn OFF the switch, to give myself the time I need for me.
And this time, writing, is so sacred, so incredibly special to me.

It allows me to be real. Smile if I want to smile, cry if I want to cry, laugh, get mad, reflect, forgive, learn, grow, cherish, be grateful, start over, make peace, undo, practice, talk, listen, pray, meditate, question, and most importantly, LOVE. I get to love from places I never knew I could love. In ways I had no idea. Because love doesn't have a name or label for me. It comes out when it comes out, naturally. Not because it is my brother, or sister, or best friend.

Because if I am at a store, and for some reason, love beckons me, and I find myself in contact with a "STRANGER", and the smaller part of me says", Why are you giving this person so much of you time"?, I know, then, that there IS A SEPARATION between me and IT.

IT being the well inside, the source that knows no boundaries for love.

It is a very innocent place to be, but in today's world, I'm afraid, that innocence gets tainted. Tainted by people's view of love, and what they perceive that to be.
I could be in the most innocent and sacred place, and have no control over how he or she is taking my innocence.

It has been a fine line my whole life, and it also has been one of the most sad things for me. The idea that your views are misunderstood, is a huge bummer, for lack of better words.

But.....I say, GO ON LOVING....... IF.... (key word... IF...), you can separate yourself from an expectation that that same love, that innocent love, will be returned to you.
It may not! It may!

Can you not care if that love is returned or not?

It is a HUGE checking in, with yourself!

LOVE TO LOVE, not to expect someone to be something for you, or to give you the love you think you deserve.
LOVE, LOVE AND LOVE MORE, AND THEN LET GO.

Enjoy the feeling of giving, without receiving.

You may think you already do that.

Don't be so quick to think we've aced that one. It slips in there and fools ya sometimes.

It's OK. We are on a learning ground.

That one ain't easy my friends. It gets subtle, trust me.

But, do what you do naturally, and it will all get worked out.

God knows the purity of your intentions. The rest is all "correcting the homework".

You get two wrong, you study a bit to ace the test. You take it again, and you get one wrong.

Lucky enough, we have our whole lives to take the test over and over and over again, until we ace the test.

Hopefully, we stay interested enough, to want to make the grade!

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