SUMMING UP OUR DAYS

I like to pan back on my entire day when I get home, finally sitting, and although I am still "doing" like writing this blog, it is still a down time for me, and time that allows me to unleash my authentic self, onto this screen, where, honestly, I cannot get a grip on, to this day.
This computer is a book in and of itself, for many reasons, beyond this blog.
It is a fascinating medium and one in which perplexes me and too, intrigues me, to date, for sure!

When I really look at things, my life is so encapsulated. Really, I mean, I don't have much time, outside of being at work, to make my life what I want it to be.
So many people are doing this, and doing that, and I feel such a humbleness in comparison.

I can't imagine going out to a bar, or even a restaurant after work, really, let alone, anywhere. My days are so filled with noise, chatter, mingling, making and doing that honestly, all I can think about is either a hot bath and a good glass of red, or changing quickly into my running gear, and heading out with the pups to greet the sunset, and revel in the glory of the "end of the day", or.......the beginning.

I was so excited today, to be able to feel better, and to get out of the house. The dogs have been  pent up for a week, wondering why I "hate" them so much, as to not take  them on one walk in 7 days.

It killed me, but I had no choice. I didn't feel well, and actually, for me too, couldn't stand being in bed or just sitting for hours upon  hours in a chair, at this computer, with an ice pack and trying not to buy  into what the body was saying was wrong.

I had prime opportunity, as I always do when injury arrives, to surrender to what is happening, and allow what needs to happen, happen!
It has gotten so much better, after experiencing this for several years and understanding, spiritually, mentally and physically, how it is all intertwined, and how to go about processing it all and allowing it to form a solid understanding of how to nurture these moments, and too, how to transcend them, to open new gates and higher understandings of what to do next, how to implement change from past experiences, and how to be open to becoming someone new, on a daily basis, if not for the month, or year, and for me, down to this very exact moment.
Mine always seems to be to date. Every last minute, last hour, reveals  different things to me, and it can almost seem overwhelming, but if, and that is a big IF....... I balance my time, for what is needed for this particular soul. It all glides in a motion that is so much like watching the waves as you sit on the shore, shuffling your feet in the sand, as you sit on your beach chair, looking out onto the vast, vast ocean, trying to understand what it all really is about anyway.

I am so happy not to overwhelm myself anymore with how things should and shouldn't look. I am not saying that it isn't trying at times, I mean, people want you to be a certain way, and even if you say, "Well screw them, this is me and that is that, the Truth is, there is a lot of work to do out there. I am pretty good with it all, but to be really honest, it is a crap shoot.
I am my authentic self, 99.9 % of the time, and with much dismay, it is challenged on a daily basis, so much where I just have to surrender to the what I know inside. No matter what it looks like on the outside, there is this gigantic soul, doing some heavy duty work, within a medium that looks like............. X,Y and Z.

It is pretty interesting from a psychological standpoint, but can sometimes be saddening, and ever so hopeful to get out, and to drench myself into every and all things that seem  passionate and bold...........anything, really, to make a huge difference in this crazy world.......to reduce the information that is handed to us everyday, and make some sort of concotion, that will allow me to throw my heart out there, to do some service, to change the world a bit, to know, that in my small scope of things, that I have chosen to do one or two, or three, or more, things that would have made a difference in someones life.
Movies, candy, Opera, shopping............ hay........I love you all...............but when I see the time in which I DO NOT have, and look at the things that I need, and want to accomplish, I weigh it out in a second, and choose the obvious.

I don't go out. I work, and come home and retreat to a haven that, to me, is so pristine.

I don't know how to articulate it.

Certain people say, "OK, enough of the "I love life" sort of stuff for your blog........when are you going to dig into something different??"

Well, I never know what I am going to write about! And, the good thing with all of this is that, I can write what I want to write, and........not care. If I choose to write about love and peace, so be it! Maybe you all need a good dose of some peace and love and get out of your freakin crap that only musters up the robotic life, huh? I dunno, you tell me.........honestly, how you feel!

These are my thoughts...........and it is so ok for you NOT to like them.
I am not trying to get anyone to switch their way of thinking to be someone different.

I am just summing up my time here, in  my moments, and telling you, that there are some gorgeous, gorgeous gems about to surface, and I, myself, don't want to miss out.

Literally, I sit up as long as I can, watch the moonlight, the stars, and anything else that takes me beyond my small train of thought, and into the questioning soul, that is forever wondering, why, how, where, and wow!!!

My days are so short lived!

If for some reason, I were to pass tomorrow, would I have spent my days wondering about miniscule things? Things that really, on a bigger scale, don't matter in the least?

We can all choose our lives and make it look however we want it to look.
To me, the key is, making it look like something that actually equalls your soul, and..........adhering to that, making it  prominent in you life, and standing up for a love that is so, so grand!

I am awake and ready to share the goods.

Are you?