WHEN THE OUTER...........MEETS THE INNER!

Everyday that I wake up, I am in complete awe of my own little world. Inside, and, outside of  my environment, and all of the things that I choose to do, or not do, to keep me in this place of wonderment, to not be shot down by so many of the things that are happening outside of my vortex.

I don't pretend that these things aren't happening, I just choose to make my time very specific, and extremely curtailed, so that the outside can, in some way, catch up with what is happening on the inside for me.

I have vehemently tried to sketch my life, to date, with only the things that matter to me, that make me feel whole, happy, innocent, and Holy.

It has naturally narrowed itself down to being by myself, at home, in nature, with my animals and conjuring up ways in which to do more of the things that make me feel whole, not just here in Austin, but globally, and spiritually.

I feel like I sneak time for myself, grab things in the house that remind me of where I am, who I am, read it, post it, put it on my mirror, my altar, and anywhere that will remind me of where I want to be,  where I want to stay, and with whom!

It's almost like a convincing of sorts. To tape record in my brain, what this whole life is about so the outer doesn't swallow me up and eat me whole.

It won't now, I know this! I've got a handle on it. I am head strong in my whereabouts, and I honestly think it is just a matter of time, effort, and patience. A seeing through of some pretty grand ideas that I think, personally, will make a mark in this world.

I mean, I love talking with people and serving spaghetti and meatballs, but look at me when I see you!!!

Is that what it is all about for us, for me?

I take every bit of everything that is happening in my world as a total gift, and will always render it as such.

But, I think, no matter where I am, doing whatever it is that I am doing, I will always be that person who wants to do more, give more, and to expand beyond my limits.

I have this greatness inside that has nothing to do with anything I have formed or tried to portray. It has been there since I was a child, and it is taking 40 some years  for me to actually zone in on what the special something is, to find the detail in it, and to expound on it, and make it worthwhile here, in my short stay on this lovely planet of ours.

I am not there yet, but man, I tell you, I am ready to explode, and to give life my encapsulated form of love and service that I think can make some small, small, difference in this world.

I don't want to play any more games outside of my home life. I say "games" like, pretending to be something I am not. Even if it is 1% not me, I am not willing, anymore to compromise who I am, and what I am about for the buck, and live in fear that I will not be supported, come time when I choose to live 100% exactly the way I choose, no matter what!

I am not used to risking as much these days, due to certain responsibilities, but man, like nails on a chalk board, I can only take it for so long.

I always, always, return to the person I know is true, inside, no matter what it looks like, feels like, or what numbers come up at the end of the day.

It feels THAT UNCOMFORTABLE, to NOT BE COMFORTABLE, in my skin.

Daily, I have my work cut out for me.

NEVER, do I wake up with a mundane thought!

Nor, do I mill about my day, believing all of the silly things that I do, to make the time pass, to keep me laughing amongst the crap, to make it all bearable, so that come time for me to get home, in my private little Idaho, I can rest within and know that sometimes we just do what we have to do.

Me? I am looking foreword to when the "Outer, meets the Inner", and I am just living my life , with all of it's frailties, getting to a needed balance, that will make me feel whole, and  complete, no matter what!

That, to me, is a PH.D in and of itself.

Welcome to Life!

Welcome to coming home to ourselves and knowing who we are, outside of our individual circumstances.

Everyday, I expect surprises, and a new way of learning more about my self, let alone, anyone else.

Thank you for this amazing opportunity to learn, to grow, and to be open and available to being less of who I think I am, and more into who I naturally know I am.

I am so utterly grateful!!

Thank you a million times over!

Gabriela

I feel extremely blessed, beyond words.

Goodnight, and thank you, thank you, thank you!!!