EYES CLOSED

Today I went on my walks with all of the dogs, and it was so gorgeous out, I mean everything, really was screaming HOLY GROUND, or maybe it was just the place I was in. Maybe a combo of both.
It's so funny to watch the dogs as we set down the road, that they look for the goats that live next door, and really want to see them, almost as much as I do.
They weren't there, and I think we were all disappointed.

I love my walks. They open up my day, start it out with an organic feeling, and too, allow that innocence to seep in, so much so that it infuses me with an energy that sustains me all night long.
I was coming out of my skin on the way to work, and it felt so high, so g....d....... amazing, that once again, I wondered how it was that I got to be so lucky to be able to experience such a grandeur.

I  laughed out loud, while driving my car, shifting gears, thinking, how long ago was I taking taxi's to work and digging into the deepest part of my existence to understand the whys and the how's of life's work, and why the hell was I experiencing being with 50 different cab drivers, getting to know their stories, getting to know them, and too, making beautiful connections with people from all around the world that had as story, just like me, only colored with their markers, not mine. I will never forget this time in my life, honestly, it was astounding............. really, just mind blowing to the nth degree.

I swore I would do a documentary on that 10 month time frame, one of THE MOST vulnerable, interesting, and scary times of my life.

Time seems to be the "want" these days, for me, at least.

So, on my walk I was drenched in a place that was almost too much for me to handle, or comprehend, and all I wanted to do was close my eyes.

I was walking Surrender, my dog, who is usually all over the place, and inside, all I felt that I wanted to do was close my eyes.

I just said, "OK, I'm gonna do it".

I would love to express beyond "Holy Crap", or "Holy Shit"..............and be able to articulate what the hell it is that swallows me whole, and turns me inside and out, and into someone that I love, I mean absolutely love...............

I closed my eyes and found myself so acutely aware of every, every, everything!! The smells, the "noise" in the back round, the crackling of my feet on top of the gravel, the sound of Tippies paws hitting the ground............and wow, it was all so simple.......

I thought to myself, " how amazing to be THIS aware, this connected in a moment, to know that just walking in the gravel would stimulate me just as much as having a night with someone, doing what lovers do.
I almost hate putting words to what I feel in my moments. It seems to bring it down to some kind of level that doesn't either make sense, or fit in.

It was an almost near perfect day, and it brought so much to me................

I think to myself, "How will anything ever match up?"

Will I always be a loner and..........alone in this feeling of wonderment?

I will not go back to the lifestyle I once knew..........many, many years ago.

I have peeled that layer.

I am someone brand new.

I don't care if I  have to be alone, to revel in this reality.

I just want it to be............

and to not be tainted by anything other.

I am so innocent, so free, and so on fire, in this place.

My love is a net.........

I will never, ever be the same!

~