Sometimes when I sit to write, like tonight, after a long day at work, doing daily stuff that we all have to get done, and then retreating to just expressing, hangin out, listening to my kinda music, it gives me that feeling of "Well, the day wasn't so bad, and things aren't so bad, especially when I see how many luxuries I have, and are at my fingertips.
I love the feeling of returning to myself. All day long, it can be like a see saw.
I have been off of work for a week now. I had an injury, and not only does that affect the body, but the mind as well. Especially if you are someone who can't sit still, who likes to accomplish things, and make her time worthwhile.
It's not like I didn't, but I can feel myself trying to plunge through things, and do things that I really shouldn't be doing, because I have that mentality of Super Woman, or, for the sheer fact that I AM the only one in my household, aside from 4 fuzzy, 80-100 lb dogs, that really cannot do the laundry, or organize the house of "entrapment" due to their pack issues, and ya know, simple things like taking out the garbage. I mean, I like doing all of those things. I feel good in it, but not if I am compromising something, and "trying to be" a Super Woman, when in essence, I just don't need to be doin' that kinda stuff, and I need to heed the warning and get in a tub, or lie down with some ice and call it a day.
That is like death to me, but from past experiences, I know, full well, that even if there seems to be "no way out", "Oh no, I live alone and how this or that"........... God always finds a way to support me, or to give me what I need, but........maybe not in the exact way I was looking for, or asking for, but surely, always something in that vicinity, and always, keeps me wondering, as a kid looking up at the clouds. I always want to know what the hell is going on and why? Why? Why? Why?
Some people like the bon bon lifestyle with the remote in hand and some fatty food that will make them feel comfortable at the end of the day.
That ain't me! That just ain't me!
I'm pretty good at balancing. I won't say that it doesn't take an effort. I am more the, "I WILL CONQUER THE WORLD", type, and try to do it, and if it falls short, lord knows it will be on tomorrow's list of things to do.
Years ago, if that list wasn't completed, I'd be in an up heave, for the "strivers" sake. I am not OCD by any means. I just like goals, achieving, and making progress in ones own evolution, even if it means changing your damn toilet paper. Hay, at least you now have the Charmin with Aloe that won't take you to the "cleaners" so to speak, and you don't have to mess with some off brand that saved you 90 cents but makes you wince every moment you visit your "haven with a throttle".
I am laughing so hard because I can hear my sister right now, laughing and feeling a sort of embarrassment at the same time because she thinks I am putting all of my junk out there, all of my thoughts and it cracks me the hell up to visualize her going "OH MY GOD, SHE DID NOT SAY THAT ON HER BLOG".
It is sheer laughter to the soul, I swear.................... to somethin'........ out there!!
Tissue please!
Honestly, this blog is just me......expressing because I need to for me, in this life. It is of utmost importance, to get my stuff out there, to whomever, whenever, and even if it seems odd, it isn't really odd, to the one who just needs.....plain ol' expression. Not to get something back, but to just allow the wild train of thoughts to course through her veins, to share them, and to feel so utterly passionate in the outcome of making a period to her sentence. GOD................. GOD............ That seems so small, but so huge, cathartic, and beautiful, all in one...............
Why not write, for that kind of outcome?
I read those words as if I were not writing them and stand up for a Touche' of sorts, just to high five someone that has so much passion.
Egads........that is me huh?
All good.........just wild, incredibly wild at the expense of me.
I can not possibly put that into a format of sorts. Really, it is so hard to compartmentalize those thoughts.
I continuously return to myself.
The one who has a gazillion questions, the one who is standing on the edge of edges, the one who is goin, "Don't stay stuck there"...........come with me.......................Look over here........... this is where life is................. God............... really..........I am so damn grateful!!
Return to you ! Whoever that may mean.......to you!
There is a treasure, and in it, remains the gifts, for the ones who dared to risk.
I am so utterly in love with
giving and
sharing
this
love.
Thank you so, so much for allowing me to express my natural self and to be able to share my love, that is so, so laden with a gift that, even I cannot comprehend.
I try, at best, to stay open, to such enormity, but then, feel as if, I fall short, only in knowing that time is of the essence, and that what I do, is so full and not "right on the money", with how it "should be" to help life and things along.
My heart aches at such a "loss", but somehow, in there, is a gain,
I am not sure of the gain, as much as I am sure of the loss.
Such is life, verbatim.
I want to be sure that I am doing some good, '
and not just taking the losses
as they come.
Reading poetry
is different than making love
to poetry.
When you make love
you commune,
when you read love
you make love
in your
mind
but haven't quite
discerned how to
be
in
a love
that
warrants
no expression.
~
Returning to yourself
has may facets.
I have little expression
in the way of
words,
But sit with me
in silence
and all that
is tried
in expression
will be
somehow
formulated
in
nothing.
Sheer
nothingness!
Thank you for expression
and
non expression.
I bow to all of it!
In sheer gratitude!
~
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