My last week has been spent here at the house healing from a "sudden" neck and back injury.
( I know long time friends will laugh as soon as they read that. Why? Because they know my body almost as well as I do ~ often times more than I do. Good for when I cannot be objective enough. What great mirrors!
They know that when there is a lot of change, spiritual growth, or life's "bigger" things that can occur for me, that the first thing that takes the brunt is my back/neck.
Some people get stomach upsets, virus, colds, flu's....... I get this kinda stuff.
This has been a 20 some year long journey,, trying to "manage" the mind and what it "feeds" me, and to be able to take control over the thoughts that try to make it all seem "real".
The mind can be so cunning, if we let it, which is why, on I cannot allow myself to pretend that these things don't occur.
I need all the time in the world~every last drop of time, to pour myself into a consciousness that sweetly awaits my presence~all day, everyday, in every waking moment.
I feel like an addict who needs their fix.
I spend a crazy amount of time alone, and yet, it never seems to be enough. I stay awake at night to be a part of the nights air, it's splendor, it's infinite beauty, and to just commune in the glory of the quietude.
Before work and during my days I try to think of things that I would want to do, things to see, catch a movie..... and what do I find myself doing? Racing upstairs, excited as a child on Christmas morning, getting my chair, my pillow, pen and paper.
The view of the water is a grace in my days. It constantly shows me the infinite possibilities that are available to me, the magic, the mystery and the phenomenon that are everywhere............just everywhere for me to revel in.
I came up here today after going to the Chiropractor. It was time to ice, yet again, and too, there had been a lot of things weighing on me.
So many things on the outside, and in my immediate world are like me trying to squeeze myself into a pair of size 6 shoes, that I think "SHOULD" fit, when I know, darn well, I am a size 8. The more I thought about those shoes, and how it pained me so much to make myself like them, and wear them everyday, the more my body felt stressed, even so much as nauseated.
The pain grew inside and soon those thoughts were trying to become a reality for me that I know in my heart are not.
Only if I allow it, can they glom on as something real!
I came up here to my haven, sat in my lounge chair, brought my phone, plugged in my headset and tuned to one of my favorite stations.
Native American flutes, drums, sounds of the wind, birds and a deep humming of some old souls expressing their passion.
The wind up here is top notch, or, as my sister would say, "It's blowin' 80, haha, that makes me laugh every time!
The reflection on the water is singing to me, and this huge "eagle", like bird is gliding over my head~he honestly came that close. I stared him down, and the way that the sun was hitting his wings, the flute echoing, I swear, I thought the heavens threw my mother out of the "nest", to fly by me, to wake me up out of this temporary body, and to sink myself into Love, into the true reality of what is happening for me here.
I started to cry and felt an unmistakable presence.
I had goose bumps and any other feeling that would come along with the "unexplainable", the Mystery behind Surrender.
Above all, to witness the untouchable spirit. The Free Soul, untainted and in a flawless, flawless, existence.
The deeper I went, the more I witnessed the emotions of the body doing what it needed to do, but no longer was I a part of IT.
I was able to have compassion for the person sitting there, in a chair, that believed so many things to be true, that even disabled her to some degree. How the only thing that really occurred, is that she believed a bunch of thoughts to be true, when really, they were JUST THOUGHTS.............JUST THOUGHTS!
No more anxiousness, no more heaviness. No more thoughts!
I am home again!
The wind blew my Knight ~n~ Shining armour over. I thought that was incredibly symbolic, My Warrior Friend, my Joan of Arc, my statue of Courage and Bravery.
I opened my eyes and looked at it facing up with it's sword in hand, looked up at the sky and had to say a huge, huge, THANK YOU!
It can all get funny after awhile, what we choose to believe, what we make real, and then, what we know to be true, and, know to be, who we really are.
When you get big doses of reality, on either end, things start to come together, and no more do you have to be "doing" something. It is all right there, all of the time, guiding us if we just make that time an urgency.
More urgent than anyone, or anything. It will never let you down, I promise you!
It's getting to the point where it only takes a matter of minutes to find my way back~ as opposed to years, months, and a bunch of heavy learning curves. But those learning curves have become my companion. Never did I think I would say that after some heavy experiences, but to date, and still, in this moment and time, if I give myself the grand opportunity to go deep inside, all things can be healed, and yes, like today, I stayed out there for an hour, after feeling the density in this body, and all of the fluctuating feelings that come along with thinking that is who you are.
I constantly have homework to do, and if I skip a beat, it shows!
Make the connection to yourself a priority. You won't be so on the prowl for things to validate you...... trust me, you are gonna fall in love with you, the one you've been missing your whole entire life~
Shoot, I wanna have breakfast, lunch, and dinner with myself. I fell in love a long time ago, and haven't found any one quite the same. Solitude feeds you like no other!
I don't want to have to swim to the shore of peace. I want to BE THAT PEACE, everywhere I go, no matter what is happening!
So very grateful for what is available to me............... and for those of you who support peace, kindness and compassion. Without it, I don't thrive! Without it, the river will, inevitably take me there. It knows my hearts longing.
All my love,
Gabriela
P.S. One of the pictures is of my sister and I. It was the day we put my mother to rest. The first dove was "My Mom", and we set her free. The next Five Doves we set free, were us, her five children, who will always be with her, always, wherever this life takes us. It was incredibly beautiful because when all were set free, they were seperate, but all eventually flew back to Mom............ it was a phenomenal experience, one that I will never, ever forget, as long as I live............or after...........
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