I HAVE TO SAY......... IN ALL HONESTY......

That living so precisely in the moment has, surprisingly, left me bewildered, and a host of other words that could describe tons of emotion that would go along with living MOMENT TO MOMENT, in every aspect of my life.

I used to ace this kind of living, feel so free, and light hearted. Things change with the amount of responsibility you have, and too, I just think we try to cling more, as we get older, to some sort of security. The thing is, is that, I know all too well, that the "security" is masked with so many other things, that I just can't buy into it whole hearted. I just can't!

Over the years, I have embraced practicality, conservatism, (I'd have to spell that out for you, since every one who knows me would never think that that word would even seep into my world at all), trying to balance right brain, left brain, and too, just trying to lasso the aspects of certain ways of thinking, into my realm, that just don't come that easy for "someone like me."

Ya know, it's not like I came into this world, literally, asking for my personality to be a certain way. I was born, and here I am, with this very specific personality, and then I have to go and unravel the whys and hows, and let me tell you........it ain't that easy having a personality that seeks the Truth in every God given situation. To have a personality that wants to question your very existence every day, every moment, my god, can be very intense, and for the most part, I love it, and would have it no other way, but too, It can be so intense , even for my own self, trust me!

Wow, I said it!! I've never really said that before!

What I have said is, "If I ever have a child I hope that she/he is not born under the sign of Scorpio.

Don't laugh! I believe whole hearted in signs, and how their specific personalities are, the way they are, because of when they were born, and how everything is aligned up there. It all makes sense, but too, no matter when you were born, the time, and anything else that can seem matter of fact, I too, know that, no matter what, we have the ability to overcome any situation, any personality, any, any thing. So........go figure. Gear up for the challenge is what I say.

There can be solid facts about anything.............anything.............. you name it, and I say.............. you can overcome anything!!!!!!

It is a hard subject, as it brings my mothers health. life, and death, to light.

We ARE WHAT WE BELIEVE TO BE! Living moment to moment brings all sorts of things to the forefront. Truly! It can be that you are out of money. It could be that your doctor just told you, you have cancer, that you have a certain amount of time to live, that you are going to be homeless............the scenarios can go on, and they are all real. The people you work with, are homeless........some! I know this! You would never know. Some people look like they have it all goin' on, and guess what................MOMENT TO MOMENT! They don't know what their life will be like tomorrow, or the next day. How do we actually acclimate to that way of UNCERTAINTY? Is it about reading a certain book, praying in a certain way, trusting in the Universe, or just doing or being, in the way that resonates with you, and you only? Do any of us really have the answers? Who says that what is good for the goose, is good for the gander? You might need to chase butterflies for a living, and I might need to work at a construction site. We just don't know, do we? You may go to college for one thing, and here you are doing something completely opposite that. Who knew? Go pay off your college tuition............ for the next 10 years......... who knew, right? I could go on and on. This IS a very detailed, personal, subject. If you always live your life moment to moment, there is a specific guidance that comes along with it. It's not for everyone, that trust. You have to actually get acclimated to it, and then you are like, "how did I ever live differently?" Test yourself! Live MOMENT TO MOMENT, not caring about how the next moment will turn out. And, if it turns out completely different than what you had "expected", will you be OK with it, or will you be so pissed off that things didn't go accordingly? Jump on the other side for awhile. It is different, but exhilarating, to say the least. I dare you, and too, dare myself, to keep fresh, alive and oh so riske' in this very, precise, MOMENT IN TIME. JUMP! GO! TAKE RISKS ACCORDING TO YOUR OWN DIVINE INTUITION, AND DON'T QUESTION IT EVER AGAIN, AFTER THAT. JUST JUMP! I LOVE YOU ALL............. AND TOO........... ME! We're all kinda cool in our little "suits".

You either choose to live, or choose to give in! And too, there are the situations that really ARE, out of our control, and we heed the warning, and live accordingly, to the best of our ability, to love, embrace, and grab a hold of what life really is, in it's raw form, and try to mold it to an understanding that will be ok no matter where we are, whether it is here, or at our bed side, ready to embrace the true unknown, the "other side", where there truly is, no turning back, just a memory of a life that was given to us, for teachings that we hopefully have understood, and too, that we can move on with, to supersede our understanding of THIS LIFE, and use it in another capacity, to improve upon our consciousness, on this plane, and hopefully, hopefully some good mailman will deliver the message that this is all PRIORITY MAIL, and it will get delivered as utmost importance, to "someone", "someone" that really, and truly gets it.

That is our only hope.

At least mine anyway!

Love beyond words............. always, always..............

Thank you for this beautiful life!



Living moment to moment brings all sorts of things to the forefront. Truly!

It can be that you are out of money. It could be that your doctor just told you, you have cancer, that you have a certain amount of time to live, that you are going to be homeless............the scenarios can go on, and they are all real.

The people you work with, are homeless........some! I know this! You would never know.

Some people look like they have it all goin' on, and guess what................MOMENT TO MOMENT! They don't know what their life will be like tomorrow, or the next day.

How do we actually acclimate to that way of UNCERTAINTY?

Is it about reading a certain book, praying in a certain way, trusting in the Universe, or just doing or being, in the way that resonates with you, and you only?

Do any of us really have the answers?

Who says that what is good for the goose, is good for the gander?

You might need to chase butterflies for a living, and I might need to work at a construction site.

We just don't know, do we?

You may go to college for one thing, and here you are doing something completely opposite that. Who knew?

Go pay off your college tuition............ for the next 10 years......... who knew, right?

I could go on and on.

This IS a very detailed, personal, subject.

If you always live your life moment to moment, there is a specific guidance that comes along with it.

It's not for everyone, that trust.

You have to actually get acclimated to it, and then you are like, "how did I ever live differently?"

Test yourself!

Live MOMENT TO MOMENT, not caring about how the next moment will turn out. And, if it turns out completely different than what you had "expected", will you be OK with it, or will you be so pissed off that things didn't go accordingly?

Jump on the other side for awhile.

It is different, but exhilarating, to say the least.

I dare you, and too, dare myself, to keep fresh, alive and oh so riske' in this very, precise, MOMENT IN TIME.

JUMP! GO! TAKE RISKS ACCORDING TO YOUR OWN DIVINE INTUITION, AND DON'T QUESTION IT EVER AGAIN, AFTER THAT. JUST JUMP!

I LOVE YOU ALL.............
AND TOO...........
ME!

We're all kinda cool in our little "suits".

Touche'

GIVING

Genuine giving

is not only

altruistic

It also

makes

us

feel

better.

SOMETIMES WE "FAIL" TO MEET...........

...........our own expectations on how we "should" have handled a situation, or how we "should" have been this way or that way......... Anything other than what was executed, the moment we knew we were in the midst of something that showed up for a specific reason, in our evolution.

It's like we get these opportunities to see some things about ourselves, and we get caught up in the midst of the emotion, and we react without stepping aside to see how the situation could have been handled differently, or at least more objectively. Then, all of a sudden, we find ourselves back in time, where all of those feelings are "oh, so familiar".

At this point and time, for me, in these situations, I hope to say that I have learned a lot, throughout the years, and would be able to separate myself from anything that is not good and still be able to act accordingly, but I think we all have our milestones.

I don't profess to be anything, or to know anything imparticular, but I have diligently worked on myself enough to know certain things, and it bothers me to know that my reaction to strong personalities, or situations, still get the best of me, and allow my body to take on a memory, and too, bring it so much to the forefront, that it feels real, and so uncomfortable, that I want to make drastic decisions, that probably could be remedied by me stepping back and looking at it for what it truly is, and not as something that is happening TO ME.

I say this with total humbleness, because if it were up to me, I would have made a hard core decision about a huge part of my life. To let something go that doesn't need to be let go of yet.

I know this sounds super general, and esoteric, almost, but I think you'll get the gist.

I know in my heart, that the blame cannot be cast on the other person, without some sort of responsibility taken for ourselves. So, what do we need to see, and why, and then how can we make amends in a conscious way, not just OK....ing it to death, and making it work just because it HAS TO.

Where is my homework? What do I need to do to fill my part in making this a go? In making this part of my daily work to see my own issues, yet, heed to the red flags that come my way everyday, about pertinent things that need to be addressed..............

How do people in your vortex talk to you? Is it kind? Is it not kind? Is it something that you are willing to work with if they are willing to see some things about themselves, and work in unison to heal whatever it is that needs to be healed, or are you just stomping on some old grounds that you are just bored of, tired of trying to help people get to a good place within themselves, and then leaving it all up to the fact that you are "bigger" and you should just plunge through, and work it all out?

Is it worth it to you? How much time is spent in that compromising situation?

How does it make you feel throughout your days?

Is it one person, two person, how many people are contributing to making you feel less than who you are?

Let's be real on this one?

Are you in the energy that you want to be in? If not, why? And what can you do to make it better?

I am always trying to fine tune my life, and adjusting where adjustment needs to be.

I tell you, this sort of stuff is life long homeowork, to me, at least, and I cannot see how, we all go on, without thoughtful consideration, to these subjects, and more.

I don't know about you, but I take such things like this to heart, and want to make the best out of a situation, rather than to bail, prematurely, out of a reaction that is from an emotional place.

I am all for the "stand back" approach, to see, objectively, how things REALLY look, and to see if it winds up being the same picture, as what you painted the moment it all transpired.

I guarantee you, things will slightly shift.

I am on a little trek.

And in that trek, I will always be willing to look at myself, see what needs to be corrected, and honor the situation at hand.

Look, none of us are perfect, and nor, do I want to be!!!!!

I just want to be able to own my own stuff, communicate, and harness the good in all of my relatings with people.

This can be dragged into a very long blog.

It is late and I must get up.

Ponder my words.

I am.

They may seem over here and over there, but I think you will get the gist.

It is late, and I am typing as if there is no tomorrow.

Contemplate, always, contemplate!

Gnite you sweet lovers,
G

SO HAPPY TO HAVE ONE MORE DAY...........

.......to be able to express my gratitude.

I am grateful for one thing, right off the bat.

I am grateful, that in my tiny little evolution, that I don't have to wait for days like today, Thanksgiving, or any other birthday or holiday, to tell people how grateful I am that they are in my life, or how they have affected me, or just how special they are.

That is part of my everyday life, and I am so GRATEFUL FOR THAT.

To be able to wake up everyday, to pan on the people in my life, present and not, to skim through the whys and how's, and to be able to feel such love, in such a big way.

It's funny because on the outside, life is happening, events occur, and you deal with life in all of the ways that it presents itself, or should I say, too, how we create it to be, and it is what it is........good, bad......... this way or that way.

But......no matter......somehow, my little light doesn't go out. Maybe God coated me in those trick candles........you know, the ones where you blow and blow and blow, and they still come back on??

That's me! heee YEAH, for that miracle, right?

This light will never go out. It may flicker from time to time, but at the end of the day, when I reach my altar.......... the flame gets hot........the candle brightens, in the midst of anything that may come my way.

I see my Mom's picture there, and I stare at it. I tell her, "I don't know how you did it alone, with 5 kids".

I never felt shy of love, let me tell you. I may have felt shy of some new school clothes, or the newest toy that was circulating in school and around the neighborhood, but I was never, ever, devoid of a warm touch, a loving whisper, or a wink, in the midst of chaos, that we were still good, and love was guiding the way.

I thank her everyday for my beautiful life that she provided, and for the teachings, and the lessons that have come about, in my life, because of her, then, and even now, more so, that she is gone......

This day, of course, may have us all thinking a bit harder, on our lives, just what we ARE grateful for, and maybe ease up on ourselves, and others, knowing that we are all human, with frailties, vulnerabilities, and issues that may come across in ways in which we would rather not.

It is all there for our taking, so to speak. We can take it, embrace it, love it a little so it takes the edge off of our already scrutinizing thoughts about ourselves, and others, and chalk it up to part of our journey here, discovering who we are, and what we need to take care of to make things good, make things a little easier for ourselves, instead of being so salmon-esque...........always going against the flow of the river, trying to swim up stream, when we darn well know, it is much easier to flow down the river, with the current.

Today, I am grateful for many things, but if I could shorten my list, which is almost impossible, I would have to just start naming, off the top of my head, the who's the how's, the THIS AND THAT'S.

1. I am thankful for my mother for persevering her pregnancy with me. She almost lost me, down to the last minute, and only with her undying prayers, and devotion to god, did she get delivered a baby girl that she was wanting, so badly, at that time in here life. She delivered a natural fighter, and so that story goes. I am grateful for my existence...... in every way.

2. I am grateful for, not only the people who make me smile, and support me, and love me for who I am, but for those of you who don't!
Who question me, and every ounce of my ways, my thoughts, my actions, and my choices.
YOU TRULY, ARE THE ONES THAT I AM GRATEFUL FOR! The ones who push me to define who I really am, to stick to it, and to never budge, no matter what thoughts come my way. You make me a stronger woman, and allow me to practice non-judgement, and allow me to LOVE THAT MUCH MORE, and to practice what TRUE LOVE REALLY IS. That, to me, is to love beyond opinions, labels, and ideas.
You allow me to define myself and my beliefs, that much more. You push me to strengthen my ability to harness the good in life, beyond all the muck. You test my spiritual beliefs and my views as a woman, and allow me to fail, make mistakes, and push harder, to make a razor sharp definition of who I really am in this life.

For the ones who are there, holding my hand, I smother you in the elegance of Orchids, and bow to you with great and humble pleasure, for understanding my journey, and allowing me into yours, and riding the see saw of life with me. Unequivocally, I will be at you "beck and call", and find nothing, nothing, in this world, that cannot be accomplished, or attained, for you, whatever that may be. I will, undoubtedly, find a way, for you, to have any and everything that you want or desire. And that, my friend, is so little, in comparison, to what a heart has given.

So, please allow me.

The list is starting to get long, but at the top, middle and bottom of this list, HAS TO BE GIVEN TO THE LOVES OF MY LIFE!

My precious animals, who, I cannot express enough, make my every moments, in every day, blossom with goodness, with purity, with genuineness, with transformation, with forgiveness, with the child in me, who needs love, and too, who gives love, unabashedly, because..........IT CAN, AND so fervently, WANTS TO!

They continue to show me the epitome of love, in all of it's innocence, and it allows me to stay fresh, in an otherwise, tainted and obscure world.

For my Spiritual Teacher, that is no longer "here" and for the multitude of teachings that molded my life in so many amazing ways, and has shown me how to connect to something much greater than myself, and how, on a daily basis, I can access that grandiose place, not just as a meditation, but a live, walking experience, with nature, myself, and the human race. I bow with such gratitude, for having that opportunity, which doesn't come easily in this life, and bow too, that I have taken what I have learned, and moved on, to discover more of who I am, in heightening those tools, with my own passion to know Truth in this lifetime.
My quest will never end.

To my family, who I grew up with, living as a family "should", learning the curves of togetherness, survival, love, tenderness, and too, a hard core reality of how it is to live amongst many others, with completely different realities, yet still reside under the same roof. It is almost impossible to understand one another completely, in all of life's complexities, and how our own journeys give us situations, some the same, and some different, that will either bring us together, or separate us, for reasons, sometimes unbeknownst to us.

It is all a mix of emotions that come to you, to decipher, and to put into a perspective, according to your own life, and how you map it out to be, that suits you best. There is no right or wrong.

For my job, that sustains me, and allows the most stability for me, in many ways, and too, has brought me the most amazing people, as friends, as confidants, and just beautiful souls that are obviously just "Passer-Byers" but, nonetheless, phenomenal people who I will never forget for the rest of my life. They have impacted my heart and soul. And........they know it!

For the person I work for. Many, many nice things can be said, but I think he would turn more red than he already exudes on a daily basis, so let me just say, "I am indebted to him", for many reasons.......amongst being one of the sweetest men I know, truly!

For God, the Universe or whoever....... is liable for this crazy, unsettling, uncertain, beautiful, mysterious, satisfying, yet, unsatisfying, existence........I take my hat off, and Surrender to the MOMENT.

If anything, I do know, one thing is for certain.

When I Surrender to the MOMENT, all of life seems to come together, to make sense, in my own way, and it takes the heat off of trying to figure out this crazy, crazy, complicated life, and makes it the splendor of love that it exudes only when you FEEL in love.

That feeling is available more than you know. You certainly DON'T need to find THE ONE, to participate in the greatest love making there is.

That being said.............. Make love to this fine, fine day, called Thanks.......and Giving.............

Thank all of you for giving.................to me............in all of the ways that you do.

You are a blessing..............ALL OF YOU............... IN MY LIFE!

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU...................

You great teachers you.................

Gabriela

APPRECIATING WOMEN, FOOD, AND WINE!

It's such a turn on to me, to watch people enjoying each other. Just being simple, yet with taste.

You see a table full of Europeans, and you know that there will be some heavy duty smiles, some guttural laughs, a visual art to their attire, and food, without a doubt, being their COMPLIMENT to the occasion, not, by any means, the REASON FOR the occasion. A mere excuse to tighten all loose ends, and maybe to find a solid time........dinner, probably, being the round about hour.

I was on my walk today, and for some reason I started thinking about European women, and why they look so attractive most of the time.

I'm not going straight for the......."Yea, because they ride their bikes or walk everywhere to get their baguettes"......that is more than obvious.

So, I'm walking and for what reason this subject loomed in my conscious, I don't know, but as always, I just grab what the ether's send me and expound on it, if need be.

Need be followed me home and to my computer.

That is the beauty of art. Impetuous as it is. It shows up, tells you something, and you just don't question it. You follow the call, and see what the end result is, whenever that time may come.

It could be the end of a nightly blog, it could be the start of a long awaited novel, it could be the third scene in your script........... a painting in the works........... and maybe you just brushed those few strokes that came to you, but........... they were strokes, at least...........better than none, right?

So....... as I walked home I thought, why, really are women in Europe so attractive? Well, I'm sure there are a myriad of answers, but the first image that came to me was a table full of women, and they were all gathered together, looking stunning, elegantly dressed, and extremely comfortable in their skin.

I immediately panned on the setting and the table that they were sitting at. It dawned on me.

I saw them all almost "politely" touching the plates of food, taking just a bit here, and a bit there, and actually enjoying the small bites of food that were prepared. Maybe a sip of wine here, and a sip of wine there...........(later gulping, I'm sure! My visual does expand a great deal more, but we'll save that for another book, not a short blog).

In essence, I see food, with them, as icing on the cake to whatever gathering they might attend. It is not, by any means, the focal point, and generally, if it is, it is to appreciate the beauty in which it was prepared and presented.

Hors d'oeuvres, light meals, lots of vegetables and reasonable amounts of food. You will almost always find fresh fruit brightening up the table. Always noticeable. So visually sensual, that you can't wait to go straight to the nearest grocery store just to stock up on fresh fruit. Call me crazy, I know what I'm talkin' about!

Fruit never tasted so good.

The beautiful thing about this is...... they are enjoying each other, first and foremost, while dabbling in the background pleasures. Wine is poured graciously, and there it is, a night of enjoying each other around beautiful, gorgeous, food, sharing laughs, stories, and anything else that will deepen your experience of life, love and get togethers.

There is no sitting at the table, gorging yourself, with hardly a breath to be had, watching TV, going back and forth to the microwave, downing a six pack of diet coke,or beer, waiting for The Simpson's to come on.

Walks afterward, enjoying the night air, enjoying the sky.......... an arm and arm stroll.

I just saw how different we are here.

Why America, too, is in a huge state of depression, and why, we, out of everyone, are the most obese, unfit, and unhealthy.

It saddens me.

There is a fine tuning that needs to happen.

To maybe stop a bit, or, at best, acknowledge, every once in awhile, what the heck we are putting in our mouths, where it comes from, how fortunate we are to even have that crop, that water, or that great coffee, from Africa, that we spend $120.00 dollars a month for at Starbucks.
Any idea what goes into that?

Vegetables and food are energy, not supposed to be depleting, in any way shape or form.

To be enjoyed, not inhaled. To be shared, and appreciated, for what they are, how they sustain us, and how we can make our little vessels vibrant and alive with the simple stuff.

Eat sparingly, and sensibly. Feel light.......... not heavy!

Feel good, not drugged.

Look good, as if you care!

I'm not saying don't have fun. I would never say that in a million years. I'm all about it.

I just saw that picture today, and it was so incredible. It is what I love, in so many aspects, but that is just for me.

The beauty of it all, the distance from food, enough to acknowledge it for it's beauty and sustenance, and that it feeds these bodies well. Well enough to keep us going pretty strong, I'd say.

Food and people are a match. Laughing and enjoying, while WITH food and people, are a total match.

Acknowledging the whole of it all, is, by all means, a beautiful love making.

Enjoy your next meal!

I'm off to the grocery store for that fruit I was talkin' about.......

;)

BEYOND COMPREHENSION

Today, for some reason, from the moment I woke up, has been laden with epiphanies, and too, experiences that are way out of my realm of understanding.

It is not like I am a foreigner to the depths of this existence, and what it may reveal, but what fascinates me the most, is the enormity of it all, and knowing it will never cease. So, therein lies a life, abundant with existentialism.

It started out with me waking up, coming down the stairs, late, might I add, since last night was closing at work, and finally, Gabriela said yes to an invitation out for a bit, so I pushed the guilt aside, to go home to my babies right away, and decided that a couple of beers, pool, and shuffle board were in my future, at least the momentary future. I don't even drink beer, but Blue Moon with oranges is kiddy enough for this novice. Wheat beer, I think......good enough for me, at least I'll be getting my fiber rations for the day.

(Wow, SHE LIVES). There really is someone in there that likes to go out occasionally). I almost forgot who she was!

Anyway, I came down the stairs and immediately a huge rush came over me. Something so huge, so physically overwhelming that I was bewildered. I tried to continue with my morning, but as fast as lightening, the moment swept me up into a reality that took me by such surprise, and I wound up standing there, with this phenomenal wave of my Mother. Her energy consumed me, and soon, I was transported to another ........what.........I don't know what to call it. Realm? Consciousness? Reality? Time? I mean, that all sounds a bit too esoteric, even to me, but how do I articulate what actually took place, in the few moments that molded my day into something I will never, ever forget, for the rest of my life?

You know, this thing happened so quickly, but in those moments, it seemed like a lifetime.

I heard her tell me a few things.

This is not me drumming up something I want to hear, or needed to hear, although, I did NEED to hear what those words conveyed, but, it was the experience of what we see in movies, or maybe read about.

It was REAL. I have no reason to want to drum up something so complex, and maybe scary too.

It's not that easy to deal with death, for one, and two, not something you want to consciously dredge up, at least I don't think, to somehow make you feel better., in one given moment or another.



When it comes to life and death, there is almost no rhyme or reason, at least this is my experience. Maybe with Life, I can write and write of my own personal experiences, and too, my life long observations, and time filled with people from all over the world, and what they have to say, but Death, is another entity, in and of itself.

You can't really write about death, although there are plenty of people who have crossed over, and have come back, with amazing stories, and statements that just cannot be pulled out from the ether's. I mean, I think people have incredible imaginations, but to me, there is a razor sharp realness that resonates with me, at least, and I do dip into wanting to know, Death, as well, as the life that we are living, while I am healthy, conscious and alive with a clarity that may only prepare me for that moment, whenever it is that my time comes.

This is such an intricate, and gorgeous subject, that I can literally spend the rest of my life writing away on all the different facets that it is useful to us, how it is our best friend, and, by far, a subject that allows us to feel, 500% of what it is, to be in this body, and to tap into another type of "thought", that is not in our present "schooling", so to speak.

It is considered the "dark" side of the moon. The not to be talked about till your in your 80's type of talk, or at least until it presents itself to you.

By no means, would anyone randomly or purposely choose to activate those thoughts, or mull them over on a regular basis, because............why? We just aren't there yet, so why beat a dead horse when the horse is just sweetly drinking his water and eating his hay? Nothings going awry so why upset the apple cart sort of thing.

Any, any, anyyyyyyy how.........

I heard my Mother. She told me things that were pertinent to hear, and it brought me to my knees, literally.

The physical sensation that overwhelmed my body could not be described. Not in this moment anyway.

I kept saying, "OK, OK......... Just go with it".

Tears automatically flooded my face, and I stood there, with information being handed to me that I had no idea what to do with.

I kept saying, "Thank You"............that is all that came out of my mouth.

I felt frozen, yet knew it wasn't going to end, so I stood there, asking to be open, to receive whatever it was that needed to come to me.

I felt my Mother like this, only after she had passed, and she came to me, in my bedroom, at my sisters house, and "visited" for long enough, that I had the grand opportunity to digest. In it's entirety, not until recently, but in small doses, I began to understand death, and it's workings, and how to embrace it, in the myriad of ways it may show up.

I knew, this morning, without a shadow of a doubt, that there was a reason for her showing up today. Maybe, maybe, for a split second, did I try to analyze it all, but it only took seconds for that to naturally dissipate, and for me to effortlessly, embrace the unknown, once again, to allow it to just be part of my journey here, and to add a few notches to my already chiseled soul.

The day, after that, was unspeakably heightened. My acute awareness, the sensitivity of allowance, and the genuine, pure love, that is felt, thankfully, everyday, was all bundled up into a ball of unexplainable fortune, one that is with me now. It has loomed in my vortex all day, and somehow there is a blanket of OK.......ness. No matter the subject.

Even if it wasn't my Mother. Things like this happen all of the time, if we are open enough, and are wanting OUT of the normal way of thinking, and existing.

I ask for that on a regular basis, and have since I was a small child.

HERE IT IS!

I welcome you, you nameless Spirit you...............

I'm no fool!

I take back roads in my life for reasons ya know. That doesn't mean I will know what those back roads will entail, but I do know, that it feels much better to take the back roads, than to feel safe on a hugely lit highway.

I'll bring my flashlight, in hopes the battery stays good............AND...........IF NOT............

MY INNER LIGHT, WILL ALWAYS GUIDE THE WAY!

Call me crazy!

I'm onto more than my own personality wants to admit.

Touche' for higher consciousness getting the best of me!!!

Touche'.........Touche'

~

MOVIES, POPCORN, LOVE LETTERS AND SUCH!

Sometimes you go and go and go, and you look at your schedule and say, "When do I have off and what am I going to do?"

The days go by so fast, there is very little time, and you start thinking of all of the things on your wish list that you can do.

Of course that means in every category.

Well, I have off so I can sleep in..........oh god, to sleep in is soooo nice, make coffee, cook breakfast, get all of my laundry done at this time, relax and do nothing from yada yada, to yada yada, read, sometime in there, walk the dogs, clean the house, go shopping, make phone calls, do emails, cook..........soon enough, your exhausted again, and you are right back where you started! I'm exhausted just writing about it, let alone doing it.

What happened to the good ol' days when doing a double feature was part of my every week?
Eating popcorn, getting excited that I was getting to see all of the movies that were new.
I am a huge film buff, and for me not to go to a movie is the sin amongst sins.

I haven't been to a movie in over 8 months. Which, of course means............I haven't had any popcorn in 8 months either.

What is wrong with this picture?

They say it is all about balance right? Maybe it is the choice I am making to stay home with my babies since I don't get much of a chance to see them?! I don't think the movie theatre would appreciate my choice of "dates". They would have to come equipped with better seats. My dogs are used to comfort!

There are some things I savor and that make me feel good. Movies are one, and "love letters" are another. That could come in the form of this blog, or writing to someone you care about, or just plain ol' writing poetry.

It soothes my soul like no other.

There is nothing better than executing your heart onto paper, and knowing you let it all out. Especially if you let someone know how you felt, or feel about them. It is a huge catharsis, and an ultimate joy, at the same time.

What are the things that make you bubble up? How come you aren't doing them? Do we need to take inventory on our balancing sheets? I know I do. I need to do some configuring, throw away my guilt papers that say, "You can't go out", your dogs have been in for 10 hours". You need to take them for walks.

It is true. They are my priority, but I still think it would be nice to get out.

My "bubbling up" is simple.

Of course it wouldn't be too shabby if I rented a movie and had someone cook me dinner. I might have to send a flyer out for that one.

That would be bubbly. Someone actually cooking for me!

Now that isn't for anyone to feel sorry or start offering to cook for me. Y'all know what I mean when I say that right?

Super woman would like to sit and enjoy for a bit.

Ahh! There, I said it!

Let's find what we love doing the most and absolutely make the time to fit it in, no matter what it seems like, so we can sort of catch up with ourselves, start balancing out our lives, so we don't feel so closed off and isolated.

It shouldn't be all work and no play makes us unhappy campers.

I'm all for stirring up the pot and making things happen.

How do we squeeze relaxing, doing, and making things happen, in one day?

It's all a juggling act.

Look, I hate doing books.

I never joined the circus because I never thought I was good at juggling, but here I am, doing books, juggling my life, and uhhh............. where to next?

This is not what I signed up for, yet some voice in there is telling me, "Yes you did".

Maybe I need to visualize a huge bucket of popcorn, buttered lightly, with a tad bit of salt, bring a note pad , sneak in a love letter or two, and head to the theatre for a double feature!

I think I may be onto something..............

~

IT'S SIMPLE............

I prefer my eggs over easy,

my coffee with cream,

and my love,

with

Reckless

Abandon!

STOPPING IN YOUR TRACKS...........

I want to say from the moment I wake up........to begin this blog tonight, but, if I were to be honest, it would be, from the middle of the night, when I am tossing and turning, thinking about projects, books, films, work, present situations.....I am on automatic run with what is happening in my world.

It starts to become this robotic kind of motion, and I promised myself that I would never let that get the best of me, at least for it to become so robotic that I don't notice, how robotic it is. Only in some retrospective moment, do I capture what is really happening.

Tonight, I am doing what I always do, after work, which is basically a second job. No complaints, but yes, tiresome, nonetheless. I am non stop until it is time to go to bed, and even then, the wheels are churning.

I didn't notice myself in "robotic" motion, (scary, when I pan back on an hour ago), until I mozied on over to my computer to check on a few things.

I was trying to see if I could get an appointment for the following week. Scheduling things in my world is like trying to see the Pope.

I had requested a particular day, and when I had gotten the response that it wouldn't happen because they would be sitting with a friend who would be having chemo all day.........I literally stopped in my tracks............

All of the doing, the thoughts, the motion, the multi-tasking immediately came to a screeching halt.

All of my worries and concerns became so small. My train of thought slowed down, and I just got up and had to organize, or maybe disorganize the thoughts that had seemed so prevalent, and re-think my priorities and concerns.

It took me to a very basic level of living, which I love, but too, an appreciation for my life, even when things seem so bleak, so lonely, so scary.............and then someone is going through chemo, which I cannot imagine doing, and here I fret about my own story.

God, what a wake up call!

What if............just what if..........something had suddenly happened to me, and I was in that particular situation? The scenarios in my life now would seems so irrelevant, small, and without a doubt, laden with unnecessary thoughts that have consumed my body, mind and heart/soul.

I felt so small, wanting an appointment when you know darn well what that kind of day entails. Shoot, I can wait, no matter what the situation. As long as it's not the dentist, cuz then, we might have some fightin' words............. (hate the dentist). I'm the biggest babie!

Illness has to be one of the most complex, and unfortunate things to happen to anyone. I don't care how rich you are, how many servants, how many this and that. The bare bones of it is.......... there is a person who is ill, and somehow, the situation is out of their control. They are forced to acclimate, in whatever fashion works for them.

Hopefully, there are good people, loving, caring individuals, who will be by your side, like my friend, to guide you, to hold your hand, and tell you everything will be OK.

Things like this are good. To hear them for your sake alone. It gives you a different perspective on how to live your life moment to moment, and to truly access your own situation, and really, ask yourself if what you are so worried about is REALLY WORTH WORRYING ABOUT!

My heart is ablaze, and so humbled by the what ifs, and too, feeling the person that has to go through such agony.

I don't even know this person, and it doesn't matter. They need love, support and the reassurance that all will be OK, and that they have all that they need in the moment.

I have to say, this is a huge wake up call for me.

Just when you think you are not doing so hot............. someone slaps down another's reality, that makes you look like a 10th grader, convincing himself that the grass is always greener on the other side.

I have so much to say, but will stop here for now.

I think of my brother, who went through excruciating pain with chemo, a few of my friends who went through the same, and, like I said, although I do not know this person, for some reason, it has ignited something in me.

I could never imagine the pain, or the experience.

My heart and soul goes out to all who have had to experience such an array of emotions and who have had to experience, as human beings, in this vast and complex vehicle, called the body, a way to transcend the bodily sensations, and to scult your mind to another way of thinking, about life, love, friends, family, your own body, emotions, the different parts of your body, and just plain ol' everyday living, becomes a whole new reality, as opposed to someone getting out of work, ready for happy hour.

It is an overwhelming, and too, a satiating feeling, to contemplate the "what ifs", or just plain ol' thinking about someone else, and feeling their pain.

Take the time to see what is around you.

One quote that I will always stand by............. is............ YOU ARE NOT YOUR BODY!

To expound on that, and all the tentacles that go along with it, is without a doubt, a stimulus that never fades.

A conversation that will never, ever, go dry.............for me.............at least.

God bless all of you who have had to go through this. I cannot relate whole heartily, but can, transport myself enough, to that place, as IF IT WERE, happening to me, to be able to grasp the realness of it, and find the utmost compassion and tenderness, for life, for it's intricacies, and for the things that come our way, that we just cannot change.

There IS THOUGH, a gift, for everyone, in all of these types of situations, whether it be the recipient, the observer, or the one who is actually helping to guide or heal.

There is no doubt in my mind, that all involved, on whatever level, will gain a better understanding of life, love, the workings of God, or the Universe, and realize just how important our part is, to look at it in the face, and to embrace, and acknowledge, the realness of it, in every way, and take it as the GIFT...............and run................just run with it, with complete joy and abandonment.

All of my heart felt love,
seen,
and
unseen!

Gabriela

IT DOESN'T MATTER............

.........what you are "supposed" to be doing on Christmas, New Years, Birthdays, or any other occasion............ as long as you are happy doing what you choose, and it makes you feel warm, cozy, and loved! Isn't that, really, the best scenario? To feel loved, warm and cozy? I mean, c'mon!!

There is no keeping up with the Jonses on any occasion. Me? I have always done what I wanted, contrary to what others have wanted me to do.

There have been many Thanksgivings spent just being in the woods, chopping down dead trees, and getting the good ol' chain saw out to get fire wood. Hiking with the dogs, retreating and going on long, long walks.

Hay, but it is Thanksgiving??!! What are you doing?

Shouldn't you be with family? Shouldn't you be doing this or that?

Traditionally speaking, yes! And, I do love tradition.

But I also love that I can do whatever I want, when I want, and have no bad feeling about it, for the most part that is. Human emotion and guilt over rule at times, and I think Ugh, what am I doing........and then I access the situation and say, "But I actually LOVE THIS!" Then the guilt finds it's way to the back burner. (best case scenario)

Kind of like today.

It is my birthday, and I could have done anything I wanted to. I had offers left and right, to do, to go, to have, and to let loose............ but I chose my little thing that I love to do. It's always simple, no nonsense, and full of love. I mean, so simple it's "pathetic".

I had one appointment, that, to me, really wasn't an "appointment" but for times sake, I guess it
was.

I specifically made the "appointment" on this day, because it meant something to me. Something very real, very pure, and honest. An allowance for me to be me, unfiltered, naked, and raw.

To me, that is the best kind of relating to have with someone. How can you really call it "relating" if you are compromising the better part of you?

I have some awesome relationships with people, but when it comes down to the bare bones, they don't really know me at all. That is not a bad thing. It's just that for some reason, it doesn't naturally happen, or, quite simply, just isn't there!

Doesn't mean we can't have intelligent conversation, or get along, but to get to my core, you have to have a really special key to be able to get inside my door, that isn't easily opened.

If you find yourself with that key.......... you know, or at least I am telling you now, that you are "mine", so to speak.

Meaning.......... you got me.........and from here on out, I will allow the inner to be as vulnerable as possible, to unleash anything that needs to run, or express, or to just "be", with you.

I don't say that as if you are privileged, but in a sense, it is. Not that I am something special, but that YOU are special enough, for this little soul, to let you in, when it isn't easily allowed.

There are many different masks that we wear, but when the day is over, and we go home and look at ourselves in the mirror, we know, by looking into our own eyes, that this is the real deal. What you actually see, is something huge! It is something that YOU have created!

Who are we? What are we doing? Are we where we want to be? And are we comfortable with how we are, as humans beings, in our actions, our service, our particular line of work. Is it congruent to how we see the bigger picture for ourselves?

Are we, in fact, truly happy?

I don't want to get off on any tangents, but.............

Of course, I can, so easily!

There are no rules, in a huge part of my world, which lends for a very optimistic lifestyle, outside of what the "supposed" to be's are. If I lived in ALL of the "supposed" to be's, I'm not sure if I would have a noose around my neck, or would have committed hairy cairy by now.

I am grateful for good ol' America, the land of Freedom, in many ways!

OK, so I didn' t have a birthday party............. then you all get THIS!

It's OK, I'm laughing!

Do wachoo wanna do!

No matter the time, date, or occassion, and by all means, don't feel guilty!! You have one life to feel good, to feel settled and content, according to YOU.

Only YOU, can say, exactly, what that means.

I support your individuality, and will always raise my glass to the ones who figure out, at least to some extent, who they are, and stay true to that, against all odds!!

Loving you tonight,
and always,
Gabriela

COURTING.....AND OLD AND FABULOUS WAY..

Wow, I'm probably jumping into writing this at a bad time, when time is of the essence, but didn't want to NOT blog, since tonight will be a late night at work. Tomorrow will soon be here and I will have already been passionate about some other topic........so, if I run short, I will surely have to continue, since it is a subject that has been rumbling in my consciousness for awhile now.

On my time off I like to squeeze in the things that I love. Time doesn't always allow for all things, but it is important to me to sneak in the little things that make my heart swell, and too, make room in my head, to clear out all of the stuff that comes along with daily living, that can stress you to the bone,whether it be, finances, work, relationships, you know, all of the regular stuff that we all have to deal with at some point and time, and again, and again, and so life's stuff whirls it's way in..........friendships, illness, death, the environment.........the list goes on.

To be able to clear some of those cob webs out, in the midst of your whirlwind of a life, look at your time "allotted", and make good use of that time and effort, can be incredibly magical, but again, it's almost like squeezing time in to relax, or to get good with yourself, or whatever!

In my solitude, it's not always that I get to actually experience undoing the cob webs. It may just be that I choose to grab onto a differently reality, maybe just putting things on the back burner, because without a doubt, "they" promise you to be there to haunt you as soon as you "get done" with whatever "magic" you are trying to conjure up to forget about whatever it was that made you want to "escape". Got that?

So, I have been making a conscious effort to make the time to meditate more, go for walks, even if I am dead beat tired, to write, even if my brain is on tilt, just to tap into something that is a bit more real to me than what I am living, at present.

On one of my walks the other day, it was the most amazing day. A tiny bit windy, the sun was hitting every tree perfectly, the flowers were laden with juice, since they had the right amount of rain and sunshine to make them look so spectacular.

It was silent.

Thoughts disappeared and walking really became the most amazing journey inside. You sort of disappear as if you were meditating for hours. Suddenly your reality is back, and everything that seemed so bleak, now IS on the back burner, and you are grimacing, knowing that it is all truly TEMPORARY.

This life, the situations, the events, the people...........all of it is just clumped up into a short story, that is made to seem long.

It's really not.

What I have been feeling, in situations like that, and more on different subjects, is that my life, inwardly is so old fashioned, and loves the simple stuff, the things that get looked over, and more and more, I am attracted to people, and situations that exude that innocence, that sweet way of feeling, genuinely, inside, as if you are being courted.

It is a shame that in today's world, not enough of that innocence is shared. I can't say not EVER. I see it, but rarely.

It reminds me of my mother, who always got asked to go out, do things, spend time with people, and good people too, not like they were heathens or anything, haha, but the things she got asked to do were normal, up to date kinda things, but she was totally content sitting at home watching her old movies. Katherine Hepburn, Fred Astaire, Ginger Rogers, Robert Mitchum, Judy Garland, oh, I can name a million that she loved. She had a physical, mental, and spiritual experience when she entered into her little movie land, watching one movie after another.
Some people would say, Yea, but that is not reality", going back to a time that isn't even relevant now.

But the point is, is that it equaled where she was inside. It made her feel good, it made her bubble up inside, meanwhile everyone would get mad at her for not going out to dinners or over to peoples houses, but the Truth was, she just..........wanted to stay home............and enjoy what made her feel good!!! And............it would!

That is how I feel. I feel as if I want the old fashioned ways that were so cool. Even when it comes to a significant other. Remember when you were in school and you actually flirted forever, then you made a date, and then it was just sweet...........

Now a days people are going out on the first date, hopping in the back seat and going to town.

Did we skip over getting to know one another? Where is the sweetness?

Maybe I was born in the wrong time frame? haha

I had a friend over recently and it was so spontaneous, it caught me off guard, but as I was walking down the stairs, I heard, "Aww, you look so beautiful"...........

I know that seems trite, and like nothing, but it was said in the most innocent and sweet way, that I don't think I'll ever forget it. It's not the words, or that someone told me I looked beautiful, it was the energy behind it, and the most precious innocence, that made me feel extremely wonderful.

My days have been like that, and doing the things that make me feel THAT WAY.

It may be my walks, my choice of music, quietude, the symphony, dreaming, watching the stars, sitting with my animals, watching them, deeply and understanding another language........like.......... really ........getting it!!!!

It all transports you to a place that doesn't really exist in the hustle and bustle. And, if it did, you'd truly have to fight off the crowd and find a razor sharp edge to focus on to actually keep you there, in that place of greatness.

I'm trying to make the outer, meet the inner, so it isn't such a fight.

I want to court the old and fabulous ways of honoring beauty, whether it be in the great outdoors, my animals, or the person I am with.

There is a softness about life that needs to be embraced, at least for me anyway.

Just think of your most comfortable feeling, that makes you feel warm, safe, cozy, loved and respected..............now think of how that would feel if it were in every inch of your life, in every corner.

THAT IS WHERE I AM HEADED.

It is the most beautiful blanket to wrap yourself in.

Create your own reality ..............

It isn't easy, but it will be a lifelong project..............

always changing,

always teaching,

always, always.........

opportunities.

Thank you for showing me innocence,

in all it's grandeur!

Gabriela

THE GAME.........

.......Is not about becoming "somebody", it's about becoming "nobody".

~

ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS TO DO IS........

......... bee bop around, just going wherever you feel like going. In one store, in another, looking around, for no reason at all. Looking at all of the new things that are out, catching up on whats new, what's eclectic, all different kinds of goodies that are so worth buying, but it's like being in a candy store..........

But, that is not the best thing.......... I can shop and buy all the things I want for me, but that isn't as fun, as looking around for someone else. Not even having any one in mind, but when you look around, certain things just shout out names.

I never go out, really, and tonight I went to so many different stores. It was my day off, and I said the heck with it, I never do this, so lets just go where the car takes me, and it was so fun! I feel so devoid of normal things like that.

Thinking of someone and what they may like is sort of like art. You can draw, paint, conjour, write, or do whatever it is that expresses how you feel, but they may not get why, or how, or the reasoning behind it all, unless maybe you tell them, which isn't half as fun, as someone opening something and going, AHH...........COOL! And they get it!

I saw so many things for so many people that I love and care about. I wish I was able to buy every little thing that I saw, for every person that I thought of. I love giving gifts because it just plain ol' feels good to think of the people you love, the people that stick out in your mind, and really, just the ones that spontaneously come up, because you know those people are the ones that have done something, or said something significant that sort of gives away the key to your heart......at least mine anyway!

Call me corny, but when I used to have spare time, haha, one of my favorite shows was Oprah!

My favorite ones were when she would give away homes, or give away things to people who really needed it, or just random things that people weren't able to do, or have, or just normal people living everyday life that had a dream or a desire of some sort. She made their dreams come true, and that right there, if I were to really have a goal, it would be that!!

I would like to have extra money, to be able to GIVE, GIVE AND GIVE..........GIVE AWAY!!

That makes my heart sing! It makes me soar inside, to think that someone who doesn't have something, will be able to have it if I can provide it! Uhhh!

That is a whole subject in and of itself, and it pains me that I am not in a position to do it right now.

I pan on being in Africa, and seeing the kids go nuts over the candy that I brought. I brought bags amongst bags of candy. You just stand there and pass out tiny wrapped candies, and they hold their tiny little hands out as if it were gold you were giving them.

HOW......REALLY, CAN YOU NOT LOVE TO GIVE??

It gives more to ME, to GIVE to YOU!

So, as it may seem nice or sweet to receive from me, please, just know that in thinking of you, alone, it was the utmost pleasure, to me, to be able to give you something from thought, and heart. It never really is, about the gift, at all. It is just an excuse to tell you, somehow, that you are incredibly special, and a gift, and probably words, will never be sufficient, to express my gratitude for you.

The words or gift are usually just a lazy mans way of expressing love, in some form or fashion.

Some people are afraid of that expression. Many people are afraid for you to express genuine love, with words, that are potent and expressive of the heart. It really isn't the norm, which is sad to me, so when someone DOES express love, in the many facets that can be expressed, people coil up and don't know what to do with it. No motive, just hay, thanks, or hay, you are appreciated, and loved, too! No biggie!

Greet it! Meet it at the door! And open your arms, for it will be the most welcoming gift you will ever receive.

OPEN, OPEN, OPEN!!

It is called a gift, for a reason.

Unwrap and enjoy!

I love you all!

Gabriela

STRETCHING YOURSELF

OK, well, we all know what we are good at, what comes easy, and what is second nature to us. Easy shmeezy, not a problem, right?

So why wouldn't we just stay all cozy and comfy right there, where it feels good, something you know, and that does come easy, and make for great days??!! No?

I think that is all well and good, if you want to stay stagnant, and not grow that much, if not, at all!

You know, I never went to college. It was my preference, and I knew that early in my middle school years, that I wouldn't choose college, for the most part. I did want to be an architect, badly, designing homes, from the inside out. But right along side of that I adored the culinary arts, and had an amazing passion for food, people and wine. Hmm, build homes or cook amazing food, pair it with some good wine, and while I'm at it, sit with some great people and enjoy it all, whether I cooked it or not. Maybe do it in a home that I designed??

I decided not to go to college, probably in the 10th grade. They tried to coerce me, and I didn't want to be like every other kid that said," Yes, guidance counselor, I will go", even if I don't know what I want. I just want to make my parents happy, and so maybe I will just take a business course.

I could have done that, but examined it and said, no, I really don't want to do that.

I had other loves as well, which was Nutrition and Wellness, Personal Training, or Bodybuilding, and the Arts.

Wow, what does one do with all of those interests?

To stay on track, I pan back on my day, and see where I am at.

I am, once again, in the restaurant business. One I cannot seem to "escape".

I think it is so a part of me, in every way you can think of.

What doesn't make sense are the things that come along with the territory of being in the restaurant business, that maybe don't come so easy.

You think, GOD I LOVE COOKING OR SERVING OR DOING THIS OR THAT.......the people, the this, the that...........

I have worked for myself most of my life, doing what I love, and never did I think that the things that I am doing now, would have to be a part of something so pure and natural, as having a love for food, serving it, being a part of the people, their experiences, and how they are affected by my food, or direction of it, in some way.

I am not cooking now, but am in a situation where I am in the restaurant business, but on a completely different end that what I had planned, or visualized for myself.

Maybe I was thinking small at the time, in all of my ignorance, and or, innocence, knowing I just wanted to execute some good food, throw some people together, drink good wine, and raise the glass to honor the sacredness of the food, and the coming together of like minds. A lot of laughs, from the gut, ya know? Good eaters, good talkers, and by all means, people with humor who could sit and eat, and not be bothered by the small things. Just pass the carafe' and we're all good! Maybe the bowl of pasta too, that would help.

Where I am now, is learning the outset of all of that, which IS COMFORTABLE to me, even if it is just bringing the food to the table, or checking on the customers, or just having great service, to the best of my knowledge. WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU??

My mom taught me well.

I suddenly am learning the "behind the scenes" stuff, that maybe doesn't come so natural. As a matter of fact, it stretches my soul to the limits. Numbers, calculating, paper work, computers, inventory.........and the list goes on.

A must for the person in charge, I get it!

Hay, how did I get here?

I do realize I asked for this, in several different ways, but, again, I know when we ask for things, it doesn't necessarily mean it will show up in the perfect box that we envisioned.

I feel as if I have been thrown into a pool of the unknowing, but at the same time, and excited to be learning something that I know is great! It just doesn't come easy to me, in any way shape or form.

I ask a million times, the same thing, over and over, so I will hopefully get it.

It is, for sure, a stretching of my soul. Like a snake shedding his skin, slowly, and I imagine it to be painful, in the process, but once the skin is shed, the snake more than likely feels rejuvenated, now that it has shed the OLD, and is embracing the NEW.

When we are thrown out of our element, it is such a vulnerable place to be, and even if we want to embrace it, it always, of course, comes along with things that we have to see, fears to overcome, and ways to stretch to be something different, to learn something different, and to also, teach these new ways, as you are learning them yourself.

This is a huge subject to bite off tonight, but what I do want to say is, THERE IS A REASON FOR EVERYTHING!

We cannot be in any place that we are, in the present moment, without having asked for it, at some point or another. (Be careful what you ask for).

If we look for those gems, we will be more prone to hang in, to see, YES, this IS something I asked for, and then embrace it, and try to do the best you can to learn it, to apply, and to see a new way, period! One that will more than likely serve you in time to come. Part of your "pie in the sky", so to speak.

It may stretch you to limits that feel crazy, and not comfortable, but hay.......... if you don't see it as a blessing in disguise, than you better high tail it outa there. Do a bit of homework and maybe it will all pan out. Maybe not the way you envisioned, but eclectic enough to know that maybe your dreams and desires were, or are being fulfilled in some alternative way.

Nothing............. is ever as it seems!

Your prayers DO GET ANSWERED, I BELIEVE THAT.

Stretch yourself to learn, to embrace, and be at the mercy of this precious moment, that will never present itself like this, again.

Seize your moments, and do with them, what you will, to fill in the empty gaps that seem to be taking up so much mind space in your head.

Touche my friends.

I'm here, and you........are there!

That makes for a good long distance relationship!

~

I COULD WRITE VOLUMES...........

.......and it may be that the subjects that I choose to write about become redundant, but really, the subjects that come up time and time again, are really subjects that I could write about, forever.....literally...... forever!!

Like what, Gabriela?

Well, OK, if you ask.

Like my love for nature, and how it changes me time and time again. How spending 5 minutes outdoors can change you life, if your eyes are open, if your nose can smell, and your ears are clean.

Today, I didn't have to go into work until 2 so even though it sounds great to sleep in, it's a catch 22. I want to sleep, but I also want to do as much, or as little, as I can. There is so much to do, yet, the things that I miss the most are doing nothing, like just walking my dogs, or just walking or hiking, taking in the great outdoors, bringing a back pack, a journal, maybe some binoculars, and taking in the silence.

I woke up, and promised myself to take an hour for me, without doing, or going, and jumping up so robotically.

Funny, this was part of my "brushing teeth" years ago, when meditation was without a doubt, concrete, first thing waking up, and last thing before bed.

Now a days it is meditation while moving, and taking walks, and writing. It is more of a fit it in kind of thing, which doesn't settle well with me at all, quite frankly.

The proverbial "not enough time in the day" has captured me for one reason or the other, and now I find it almost imperative to recapture it, and no matter what, no if ands or butts, make it my lifestyle.

There is a huge difference between fitting it in, and actually making love to it, excited to sit quietly, allowing everything from the day take a back seat to a realm that supersedes any god given thing you can imagine, IF, that is, you allow it, and yourself to let go enough to experience something so grand, beyond any daily activity, any, any, any thing!!!!

Yes, even sex! Don't laugh! I kid you not.

Anyway, so today, I woke up and decided to stay right in bed. Well, I made sure I brushed my teeth so it would wake me up enough to be present and not sleepy to whatever the morning brought to my consciousness. I went out onto my deck. It was crisp out, and a bit foggy.

I looked at the lake, the morning lights, and listened to the little murmurs of what animals and insects might be looming around on their time frame. I am privy to these guys having "shifts" so to speak. Not all insects make those amazing sounds at 3pm as opposed to 7am. You might miss out on that grandeur, never waking up at such an hour. And Visa Versa. You're not going to hear half the sounds you hear at night, at 7 am.

I witnessed the morning so gently, so sweetly, and went straight to my covers to get warm and to sit up in bed to meditate.

Life has been a bit crazy, to say the least, so sitting for any amount of time, quietly, of course, allows for you to feel just a little bit more than running around at your job, triple multi-tasking, running, basically, all night, until you slow down enough, but then, you are ready to crash, or you go straight home to multi task on your turf.

When does it end?

Well, taking time in the morning or whenever, to huddle up with yourself, to check in, to see where you are, what is going on, and just what the heck you are feeling.

I settled in with myself, and I started to well up. I wasn't thinking about anything imp articular, but there has been enough going on that I'm sure things made it's way into a whirl pool, and in that moment, I decided to go against the current, and walk against that whirlpool of energy, and walk backwards to break that cycle of non stop energy.

Well I did, and wow, emotion galore, and there I was sobbing like a baby. Now, please, don't take that in any way, or nothing to feel sorry about. It is just human. If you are going 90-nothing, and then finally become human and stop, you will find yourself thinking about your life, who is in it, how you feel, where you are going, how old you are, how you look, what you want, you don't want, and really, who the heck you are outside of what you do, or how the world portrays you.

No wonder people stay busy. No wonder there are remote controls, alcohol, drugs and everything else that covers up reality. I GET IT! Just don't want any band aids. I do enough by "conveniently" skipping over subjects, in fear I will have to deal with them.

That is bold, and, true, in total retrospect. I will not lie. I have to be honest with myself, and you, for that matter.

OK, so I just wanted to tell you about my sweet butterflies this morning, and look, a whole other blog took on a life it's own.

Well, let me finish this.

I took that hour and yes, I cried, for my own personal reasons, on my little journey right now, and noticed a ton of thoughts.

I didn't want to lye there and cry all morning, whether it was from gratitude, or fears rearing their ugly head, it didn't matter, I just wanted to find a place that was devoid of thought, so in that moment it was what I normally go for first and foremost. NATURE! It always gets me good, and closest to my soul, my ever evolving soul that beckons me to lose itself in that reality, just as a check in, and see it as the perfect guide.......... the perfect safe place to retreat to when the world seems so ugly, and unfair.........nature always blazes itself into huge flames of a reality that most people don't take the time for.

I went outside and sat in my garden. There is a huge statue of St. Frances there, flowers galore, of every color, little stone bunnies, Buddha's, and a bench that is devoted to my Mother. (that garden is HER garden, along with chimes of every pitch, and reminders of anything that may equate purity, to me, anyway.

I sat and looked at the sky, the trees with shadows of light hitting the landscape, the dogs, in all of their glory, and amazingly enough, the butterflies that were rushing around from bud to bud, blossom to blossom.

I was instantly transported to another time and space, which translates to what I crave and love most........... pure love! Untainted, natural beauty that steals your heart, and you wonder how people even equate such a love to any, any... thing else??? Really, that is a dilemma, but that is my path, and I will guarantee my diligence in finding those answers, as part of my questioning existence.

The butterflies were fluttering about, from flower to flower, and so many of them. There were so many, and when I had knelt down, to look a bit closer, the butterflies were sucking the nectar out of the buds, like it was the last thing they would ever have.
Their colors were so vibrant, and each vein was so perfectly detailed. I saw their mouths, their tails, their antennae, their tongues......it was pretty amazing, and symbolically, their draw to that nectar, was so astonishing to me, I literally felt spell bound.

I brought my stationary out with me to journal and to write a letter to a friend, and I found my words to be "cheap" in comparison to my experience, which is usually how it goes when you try to put Truth in a "straight jacket", but you go ahead and try to articulate, in hopes someone will be on the same page, and maybe get it too, and join in on the inner party.

I stayed out there for awhile, and became so intoxicated by nature, the symbolism, and the sheer gratitude that it gave to me.

It totally set me up for the day, energetically, and inside, I said to myself, "I cannot go without nature".

It set my mood so high today, obviously, it is almost 3 am and I am as awake as ever, feeling that high, that exuberance, that comes along with connecting with the most simple things on earth.

It seems to take away any problems, any concerns, any fears, or doubts.

It was a perfect Unison.

It made me realize again, how our thoughts, our realities, mold our future.

Someday, I will talk with you about all of the subtleties............

It is ever growing, and ever enlightening.

Hold my hand............. We are at a crossing point in our evolution~

How can I not be there for you, when you have been there, undoubtedly, for me, in this period.

Tons of love from a very grateful soul!

Gabriela

IF YOU HAVE A VISION...........

...........STICK WITH IT!!

Don't get discouraged just because you are in a completely different place than that particular vision.

I'm learning, that life is a series of events, and in those events are processes that we need to go through.

I know we want them to come to fruition much quicker than they are, but the key is, TO NOT LOSE TOUCH WITH THAT VISION. It is a must to keep it fresh in your mind, no matter what comes up!

We have to keep our dreams alive!!

Dreams are not things that are "OUT THERE", and you kind of look at them as if they are so far away that it kinda "sounds good", but in all reality, it probably won't happen.

NOT, NOT, NOT, AND....................NOT!!!

You can truly have anything you want!!

Nothing is the "PIE IN THE SKY".

You really CAN have ANYTHING YOU WANT, so long as you keep that vision fresh in your mind, everyday, cultivating an energy that says nothing other than, "IT WILL HAPPEN"!

Look, we can do all the "right" things, and maybe it still looks bleak, but the things that you want WILL COME, if you believe that they WILL come!

Do whatever you can to take the steps to figure out the plan to get there. Do whatever you can in your spare time to cultivate a good attitude, and one that will enable you to take the necessary steps forward to actually achieve things on the road to your final destination.

It is not easy, and it may not come right away. But you CANNOT GIVE UP.............. It is a must that you plunge forward, as hard as it gets, to make it to one more thing on the list, that will take you that much closer to your goal.

Like I said, "Life is a series of events". That is just the way it is.

Don't give up on your Faith!!

Do whatever........... make a list......... make mental notes, be an opportunist.......... be BOLD!

If you have an opening somewhere, go for it. Call them, her, him, it.............whatever it is............. be on the look out for an opportunity that will get you that much closer to the land of OZ.

Along the Yellow Brick Road of your life, there will be many obstacles, but there will always be "someone" there to guide you directly to where you want to go. Look for the "good witches", and truly listen to what they have to say, because it will be right on, and maybe even against your own train of thought, but it will, I PROMISE, take you ..........straight.............to...........that land of OZ that is patiently awaiting your return.

It will, indeed, be worth the long and winding road!

Stay Open.

And Trust!

Love is hidden in every corner, even if it looks ugly!

Please trust me on this one!

I love you so much!

Gabriela

HONORING PEOPLE

.............no matter where they are in life, what position they have, or where they have come from.



People are people, and they have the same right, just as you, to be respected, and honored, as individuals, as people who are on this trek in life, just as you are.



No one is better! No one person, supersedes another!



We all have our separate lives, our separate roles, and each and every one of us is important, valid, and human, in all of our frailties. We all need to be honored for who we are, even if it is different than us.



We all make up part of the puzzle, and hopefully, hopefully, we can all come together to help put the piece of the puzzle together as a TEAM.



If we are going to put a puzzle together, or at least try to figure out the puzzle, we need to come together, work together, to help each other out, not be on opposing sides.



Everyone needs to know that it takes a togetherness to make a great plan work, even if it seems that things aren't going as smoothly as planned.



We, have to be the artists in this game, and mold ourselves, first and foremost, to what we think may work to make the puzzle fit, and then, anything after that, can be tweaked as you go. You learn as you go, but if you have a solid foundation, as to what the basic elements are to honoring, respecting, and appreciating another individual, you have most of your darn life, licked, I kid you not!

Look at people, and before making a judgement, take a few seconds and hold back. Give it a moment, and at least, at least, wonder if your statement is just flying off of your tongue, or do you really have solid, valid information that backs up the statement that you are about to make.

Hay, maybe YOU ARE FAT! Maybe YOU are judging yourself, so you feel the need to go ahead and judge someone else to make YOU feel better!

Maybe YOU feel inadequate, so you feel the need to make someone else feel the same. Will that make you feel better?

I can't believe that inside, truly, inside, you believe that you are so much better than that person, that you have to tell them all of their flaws and blow up their mishaps! If so, you might want to look up the word DENIAL and call me in the morning.

Not looking for an argument, just a reality check!

Be kind!

Why not?

Doesn't it feel good when people are kind to you?

Especially when you are having a bad day, doesn't it bring you up, or make your day THAT MUCH BETTER?

Don't be so quick to knock someone down. They might be having the same bad day that you had last week, when it seemed that no one was helping you out of the mood either, and it made for a very long night!

Everyone is here trying to make the best of their days, amongst all of life's mishaps, the joys, the sorrows, the uncontrolled situations that we all have to handle and digest, when we just don't feel like it.

Give a hug, a pat on the shoulder, and let someone know that they are appreciated, just once..........tell them how good they are doing, instead of what they didn't do right, or how things were messed up.............

A smile and some tid bit of an accolade now and again won't ruin you!

Think of your worst day, and who made it better.

Remember what they did, and take a lesson.

It will probably work for you too!

Just food for thought..............always, food is in there somewhere, even if it isn't literal.

Food works, especially for thought!

Love you guys.

Gabriela

STAY OPEN TO PLAN B

Just when you think you have a solid plan, and something that may work out in some area of your life, plan A gets squelched, so hopefully, plan B is in motion, or at least your mind set for plan A is flexible so that you don't fall too hard when it doesn't happen, or work out the way you would have liked it to.

To me, you can wish upon a star, and hope for the best results, but really, who is to REALLY SAY, what the absolute best result SHOULD BE?!

I'm learning that what I want, may not necessarily be what I get!

It may sound good and look good, but man, sometimes it just does this big twist, and you wonder what you REALLY PUT OUT THERE IN THE ETHER'S, because obviously, in thought, there was something just a bit different than what actually occurred.

I am going to get my PHD in THOUGHT PROCESS and how we attract the things that we want, and for sure, what we don't want, depending on how our thoughts are portrayed.

DO I REALLY WANT A ROOMMATE? NO! But I go about this process the way I "SHOULD", and I do all of the right things, but the energy inside of ME???

A ROOMMATE? GET OUTA TOWN! THIS HOUSE IS JUST FOR ME! MY DOGS DON'T WANT YOU HERE!

I honestly and genuinely want my life to run smoothly, and do what I need to do to get to the next phase, but energetically, I almost cannot help where those feelings lye. They are the true feelings and energy inside of me, so how can that NOT get transposed into my life??

You can go and do and try to the best you can, according to "rules" or ways in which you think are accurate or right on, whether it be from a book, the Bible, some scriptures, whichever it may be, but in my own small opinion (maybe it isn't so small), I think that no matter what way you WANT TO HAVE THINGS WORK OUT, your energy and where your thoughts lye, will inevitably come to fruition, and then, you will have to take out your notebook, to see exactly how you created that, and from what thoughts, and if it isn't conducive, you'd better figure out how it, or those situations got there, so you can make good for the next trip around!

It may sound as if I am talking in tongues, but really? It is a smart road, and one to get a bit more privy to, not just for you, although I do want that for you, but for me............ how can I share all of this and not have an experience with this all?

I used to say to an old boyfriend of mine who always had a plan, down to the wire, every morning when he woke up.

I'm going to do this, and then that, and after that, I'll do this, and it will be a great day, just as I planned.

I'd laugh to myself and say, "God forbid he gets a flat tire", hahah. No, really, it's true!

So one day, he left the house, and he planned to go shopping, do this and that, and all he wanted to do on his day off, was to go play basketball. Well, ( I still laugh my butt off), because he called and said he had gotten a flat tire, and he was ssssssooooooooooooo IRATE!

"I CANNOT BELIEVE I GOT A FLAT TIRE!"

I said, "Aww, I'm sorry, but maybe there was a reason for it".

He didn't warm up to that answer because he was too pissed to acknowledge any kind of Truth in it.

I get that too, from both sides.

Like tonight.

Who knows why certain things didn't work out?

Energy is a huge part of what we attract and don't attract.

If there is a situation playing out, and you find yourself saying, Hmmm, why is this happening? What did I do to attract this? You should probably know that your thoughts were in alignment with whatever transpired, or else, it just, truly, would not be there.

I hate to sound so cliche' but.........it is............THE LAW OF ATTRACTION.

You attract the scenarios that you focus upon. You get what you focus your thoughts on, and then, we, as the "ignorant" people that we "are", say, Why did that happen?

Why? Because you plotted and planned that scenario in your head, at some point and time, or just in passing thought, which, by the way, is nothing to sneeze at.

I am not trying to be cliche, again, but really, BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU ASK FOR, BECAUSE IT WILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL COME TO YOU!!!

Don't act surprised OK? Just don't!

Be aware, see how you did call it in, and maybe you won't figure out why, right away, but at least see similarities, or ways in which that you COULD HAVE called it in, and play with why??? Why did I call that in.

It gets interesting, and you can try to play Scrabble, or at least put the puzzle together, the one that looks like you, on the coffee table, waiting for you to finish the picture.

I'm onto myself, in a big way!

Time to meditate!

I love you dearly! I think you know that!

Gabriela

WILLINGNESS

Ya know, life brings us some pretty shitty situations. It doesn't matter if you "attracted it" or "not attracted it"......... the bottom line is, when it finally shows up, you look at it and go..........WOW......... life is pretty interesting........ or maybe it's more like............ WOW, THAT IS PRETTY F....... UP! Is that more like it? Maybe I'll just speak for myself, and continue writing.

Sorry, you should all know by now, I'm East coast, and certain words are just there........... no offense or disrespect in any way, I promise!

I think one key element in moving forward is WILLINGNESS.

The willingness to just be OPEN, and to do what is needed, even if it is uncomfortable, or uncharted territory, or something that may take some practice, and diligence.

It will all be OK. I can attest to that, whole hearted.

I think uncharted territory has it's value, and can stay in your good graces, if you are SMART, AND you LET IT!

The "UNKNOWN", "UNCHARTED TERRITORY".......... The Mystery...........you know there are a gazillion names for the one thing that makes us all feel uncomfortable , yet satiated, in some weird way or another.

It is, for sure, in my eyes, the absolute, blessing, of all blessings, in disguise! (mostly in retrospect, but, if I can be honest enough, my own long haul has given me the gift of seeing things in a more "timely" kind of way, where the consequences aren't so catastrophic.

Now, some people I know will look at that statement and say, "REALLY?" Than shoot, "what IS catostrophic to you?"

Life is a series of events, and hopefully, within each one, you grow a bit, and learn, and make different decisions along the way. That, to me, is the learning process. Sometimes we don't get it all in one swallow, so we have to take a few more gulps to get it. Burp a few times and get through the digestion process.

Hay, WE ARE HUMAN, NOT ROBOTS.

If I don't grind my head to the millstone, and I just become plain ol' willing............. there is an emptiness that happens, and soon, I am filled with a great source of information that, if objective enough, can be applied in the most intelligent way. The key word here is OBJECTIVE. It takes a lot to come out of our cocoons and to see things from a birds eye view. To me, actually, it takes some pretty amazing separateness and some humbleness to objectify and apply, something to and for, ourselves. You almost have to not care about so many other things that seem "important", to be able to spend the time to get the most simple, yet complex equations. To really digest them in their most pure form! One person places importance on one certain thing, and another, on something else, that maybe you could ever really care less about. So life goes. We are all so different. No one is better than the other. Know that! Hopefully we all stay willing to be happy, amongst all of the muck, and craziness, and that we are able to support each other from a genuine place of love. If not? We always have ourselves, and our own cheer leading party. Just don't ask me to giggle like they do............ I'll kick my legs in the air, I'll do splits, but please........don't make me giggle, like "they" do. Ha.........I made you smile! If that's all that has occurred tonight, it would be a perfect night! I appreciate all of you, and your love towards me, your care, and your humor, that makes my day light, amongst my growing spurts, and all else that may follow under that category.

Ok, I may have gone off on some tangent, but ce' la vie".

I think the point is made.

BE WILLING!

That is so for me too!

It all is!

You all are just conduits, so I should be thanking you!

Goodnight my sweet friends.

Thank you for being in my life!

Gabriela