.......and it may be that the subjects that I choose to write about become redundant, but really, the subjects that come up time and time again, are really subjects that I could write about, forever.....literally...... forever!!
Like what, Gabriela?
Well, OK, if you ask.
Like my love for nature, and how it changes me time and time again. How spending 5 minutes outdoors can change you life, if your eyes are open, if your nose can smell, and your ears are clean.
Today, I didn't have to go into work until 2 so even though it sounds great to sleep in, it's a catch 22. I want to sleep, but I also want to do as much, or as little, as I can. There is so much to do, yet, the things that I miss the most are doing nothing, like just walking my dogs, or just walking or hiking, taking in the great outdoors, bringing a back pack, a journal, maybe some binoculars, and taking in the silence.
I woke up, and promised myself to take an hour for me, without doing, or going, and jumping up so robotically.
Funny, this was part of my "brushing teeth" years ago, when meditation was without a doubt, concrete, first thing waking up, and last thing before bed.
Now a days it is meditation while moving, and taking walks, and writing. It is more of a fit it in kind of thing, which doesn't settle well with me at all, quite frankly.
The proverbial "not enough time in the day" has captured me for one reason or the other, and now I find it almost imperative to recapture it, and no matter what, no if ands or butts, make it my lifestyle.
There is a huge difference between fitting it in, and actually making love to it, excited to sit quietly, allowing everything from the day take a back seat to a realm that supersedes any god given thing you can imagine, IF, that is, you allow it, and yourself to let go enough to experience something so grand, beyond any daily activity, any, any, any thing!!!!
Yes, even sex! Don't laugh! I kid you not.
Anyway, so today, I woke up and decided to stay right in bed. Well, I made sure I brushed my teeth so it would wake me up enough to be present and not sleepy to whatever the morning brought to my consciousness. I went out onto my deck. It was crisp out, and a bit foggy.
I looked at the lake, the morning lights, and listened to the little murmurs of what animals and insects might be looming around on their time frame. I am privy to these guys having "shifts" so to speak. Not all insects make those amazing sounds at 3pm as opposed to 7am. You might miss out on that grandeur, never waking up at such an hour. And Visa Versa. You're not going to hear half the sounds you hear at night, at 7 am.
I witnessed the morning so gently, so sweetly, and went straight to my covers to get warm and to sit up in bed to meditate.
Life has been a bit crazy, to say the least, so sitting for any amount of time, quietly, of course, allows for you to feel just a little bit more than running around at your job, triple multi-tasking, running, basically, all night, until you slow down enough, but then, you are ready to crash, or you go straight home to multi task on your turf.
When does it end?
Well, taking time in the morning or whenever, to huddle up with yourself, to check in, to see where you are, what is going on, and just what the heck you are feeling.
I settled in with myself, and I started to well up. I wasn't thinking about anything imp articular, but there has been enough going on that I'm sure things made it's way into a whirl pool, and in that moment, I decided to go against the current, and walk against that whirlpool of energy, and walk backwards to break that cycle of non stop energy.
Well I did, and wow, emotion galore, and there I was sobbing like a baby. Now, please, don't take that in any way, or nothing to feel sorry about. It is just human. If you are going 90-nothing, and then finally become human and stop, you will find yourself thinking about your life, who is in it, how you feel, where you are going, how old you are, how you look, what you want, you don't want, and really, who the heck you are outside of what you do, or how the world portrays you.
No wonder people stay busy. No wonder there are remote controls, alcohol, drugs and everything else that covers up reality. I GET IT! Just don't want any band aids. I do enough by "conveniently" skipping over subjects, in fear I will have to deal with them.
That is bold, and, true, in total retrospect. I will not lie. I have to be honest with myself, and you, for that matter.
OK, so I just wanted to tell you about my sweet butterflies this morning, and look, a whole other blog took on a life it's own.
Well, let me finish this.
I took that hour and yes, I cried, for my own personal reasons, on my little journey right now, and noticed a ton of thoughts.
I didn't want to lye there and cry all morning, whether it was from gratitude, or fears rearing their ugly head, it didn't matter, I just wanted to find a place that was devoid of thought, so in that moment it was what I normally go for first and foremost. NATURE! It always gets me good, and closest to my soul, my ever evolving soul that beckons me to lose itself in that reality, just as a check in, and see it as the perfect guide.......... the perfect safe place to retreat to when the world seems so ugly, and unfair.........nature always blazes itself into huge flames of a reality that most people don't take the time for.
I went outside and sat in my garden. There is a huge statue of St. Frances there, flowers galore, of every color, little stone bunnies, Buddha's, and a bench that is devoted to my Mother. (that garden is HER garden, along with chimes of every pitch, and reminders of anything that may equate purity, to me, anyway.
I sat and looked at the sky, the trees with shadows of light hitting the landscape, the dogs, in all of their glory, and amazingly enough, the butterflies that were rushing around from bud to bud, blossom to blossom.
I was instantly transported to another time and space, which translates to what I crave and love most........... pure love! Untainted, natural beauty that steals your heart, and you wonder how people even equate such a love to any, any... thing else??? Really, that is a dilemma, but that is my path, and I will guarantee my diligence in finding those answers, as part of my questioning existence.
The butterflies were fluttering about, from flower to flower, and so many of them. There were so many, and when I had knelt down, to look a bit closer, the butterflies were sucking the nectar out of the buds, like it was the last thing they would ever have.
Their colors were so vibrant, and each vein was so perfectly detailed. I saw their mouths, their tails, their antennae, their tongues......it was pretty amazing, and symbolically, their draw to that nectar, was so astonishing to me, I literally felt spell bound.
I brought my stationary out with me to journal and to write a letter to a friend, and I found my words to be "cheap" in comparison to my experience, which is usually how it goes when you try to put Truth in a "straight jacket", but you go ahead and try to articulate, in hopes someone will be on the same page, and maybe get it too, and join in on the inner party.
I stayed out there for awhile, and became so intoxicated by nature, the symbolism, and the sheer gratitude that it gave to me.
It totally set me up for the day, energetically, and inside, I said to myself, "I cannot go without nature".
It set my mood so high today, obviously, it is almost 3 am and I am as awake as ever, feeling that high, that exuberance, that comes along with connecting with the most simple things on earth.
It seems to take away any problems, any concerns, any fears, or doubts.
It was a perfect Unison.
It made me realize again, how our thoughts, our realities, mold our future.
Someday, I will talk with you about all of the subtleties............
It is ever growing, and ever enlightening.
Hold my hand............. We are at a crossing point in our evolution~
How can I not be there for you, when you have been there, undoubtedly, for me, in this period.
Tons of love from a very grateful soul!
Gabriela
No comments:
Post a Comment