I want to say from the moment I wake up........to begin this blog tonight, but, if I were to be honest, it would be, from the middle of the night, when I am tossing and turning, thinking about projects, books, films, work, present situations.....I am on automatic run with what is happening in my world.
It starts to become this robotic kind of motion, and I promised myself that I would never let that get the best of me, at least for it to become so robotic that I don't notice, how robotic it is. Only in some retrospective moment, do I capture what is really happening.
Tonight, I am doing what I always do, after work, which is basically a second job. No complaints, but yes, tiresome, nonetheless. I am non stop until it is time to go to bed, and even then, the wheels are churning.
I didn't notice myself in "robotic" motion, (scary, when I pan back on an hour ago), until I mozied on over to my computer to check on a few things.
I was trying to see if I could get an appointment for the following week. Scheduling things in my world is like trying to see the Pope.
I had requested a particular day, and when I had gotten the response that it wouldn't happen because they would be sitting with a friend who would be having chemo all day.........I literally stopped in my tracks............
All of the doing, the thoughts, the motion, the multi-tasking immediately came to a screeching halt.
All of my worries and concerns became so small. My train of thought slowed down, and I just got up and had to organize, or maybe disorganize the thoughts that had seemed so prevalent, and re-think my priorities and concerns.
It took me to a very basic level of living, which I love, but too, an appreciation for my life, even when things seem so bleak, so lonely, so scary.............and then someone is going through chemo, which I cannot imagine doing, and here I fret about my own story.
God, what a wake up call!
What if............just what if..........something had suddenly happened to me, and I was in that particular situation? The scenarios in my life now would seems so irrelevant, small, and without a doubt, laden with unnecessary thoughts that have consumed my body, mind and heart/soul.
I felt so small, wanting an appointment when you know darn well what that kind of day entails. Shoot, I can wait, no matter what the situation. As long as it's not the dentist, cuz then, we might have some fightin' words............. (hate the dentist). I'm the biggest babie!
Illness has to be one of the most complex, and unfortunate things to happen to anyone. I don't care how rich you are, how many servants, how many this and that. The bare bones of it is.......... there is a person who is ill, and somehow, the situation is out of their control. They are forced to acclimate, in whatever fashion works for them.
Hopefully, there are good people, loving, caring individuals, who will be by your side, like my friend, to guide you, to hold your hand, and tell you everything will be OK.
Things like this are good. To hear them for your sake alone. It gives you a different perspective on how to live your life moment to moment, and to truly access your own situation, and really, ask yourself if what you are so worried about is REALLY WORTH WORRYING ABOUT!
My heart is ablaze, and so humbled by the what ifs, and too, feeling the person that has to go through such agony.
I don't even know this person, and it doesn't matter. They need love, support and the reassurance that all will be OK, and that they have all that they need in the moment.
I have to say, this is a huge wake up call for me.
Just when you think you are not doing so hot............. someone slaps down another's reality, that makes you look like a 10th grader, convincing himself that the grass is always greener on the other side.
I have so much to say, but will stop here for now.
I think of my brother, who went through excruciating pain with chemo, a few of my friends who went through the same, and, like I said, although I do not know this person, for some reason, it has ignited something in me.
I could never imagine the pain, or the experience.
My heart and soul goes out to all who have had to experience such an array of emotions and who have had to experience, as human beings, in this vast and complex vehicle, called the body, a way to transcend the bodily sensations, and to scult your mind to another way of thinking, about life, love, friends, family, your own body, emotions, the different parts of your body, and just plain ol' everyday living, becomes a whole new reality, as opposed to someone getting out of work, ready for happy hour.
It is an overwhelming, and too, a satiating feeling, to contemplate the "what ifs", or just plain ol' thinking about someone else, and feeling their pain.
Take the time to see what is around you.
One quote that I will always stand by............. is............ YOU ARE NOT YOUR BODY!
To expound on that, and all the tentacles that go along with it, is without a doubt, a stimulus that never fades.
A conversation that will never, ever, go dry.............for me.............at least.
God bless all of you who have had to go through this. I cannot relate whole heartily, but can, transport myself enough, to that place, as IF IT WERE, happening to me, to be able to grasp the realness of it, and find the utmost compassion and tenderness, for life, for it's intricacies, and for the things that come our way, that we just cannot change.
There IS THOUGH, a gift, for everyone, in all of these types of situations, whether it be the recipient, the observer, or the one who is actually helping to guide or heal.
There is no doubt in my mind, that all involved, on whatever level, will gain a better understanding of life, love, the workings of God, or the Universe, and realize just how important our part is, to look at it in the face, and to embrace, and acknowledge, the realness of it, in every way, and take it as the GIFT...............and run................just run with it, with complete joy and abandonment.
All of my heart felt love,
seen,
and
unseen!
Gabriela
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