WE ALL GET SCARED

So, I have these floors in my house that dogs curse at! No, really, they do. They are pergo, and trust me when I tell you, if dogs could talk they would be sounding a bit Soprano-ish tonight.

One of my dogs, who, since I moved here, has said under his breath, "these floors suck", and hasn't let me forget it every morning as we try to go outside and he waits at the bottom of the stairs, hoping I will pull out the rubber mat that I bought, just for him, upon moving in, because he slipped and slided all over.

It traumatized him enough where now, he won't even go up the stairs until I set down these rubber mats, up the stairs, and ........leading to the front door, so there is no chance he will slip and roller skate to the front door.

Well, now that he has preened me, I have this ritual, and it gets him up and out of the house.

I mean, I do feel bad. He is terrified of these floors. He gets this look on his face and it is terrible, I hafta say!

Well, he has been fine for months until the other day when he had a little incident. One of the rugs slipped out from under him and he slid, and then tried to make his way down the steps and fell. He slid down the steps, and fell at the bottom. My heart sunk, only because I know how terrified he gets, and now, I knew this would be a big deal. Once he is afraid, it takes forever for him to come back to trusting that everything will be OK.

When he was little I would hoist them all up into the back of my F150, head out and take them all hiking, or just go for walks. He would have to jump up into the back of the truck, and he loved it, until, he fell. Well, never again did he want to go in the back of the truck. As a matter of fact, it took me months to retrain him to even walk towards the truck, to trust me enough to let him know that everything would be OK, that I had his back.

Such was the case today.

One, he didn't want to go outside because they are spoiled. It's freakin 20 degrees out. I'm not going out either if I don't have to, so he was hesitant. But, momma won't be home for another 10 hours, so I nudged him and tried to get him out, but he stood at the bottom of the stairs, wanting to come up. No matter how many mats I put down, he was terrified to climb those stairs, thinking, no way, I don't wanna fall. It hurts too much. The memory of that is over the top, I can tell.

Well after trying to coax him and watching the clock, he wasn't moving, and I was going to be late for work if I didn't bust a move, one way or the other. So, I had to do this whole thing...........just to get him to go pee. It's too long to tell, but trust me, it was a dance. Once he started to trust me, he wanted to stay, and play, and do all sorts of stuff.

That wasn't what was in store. Momma was about to rush, like she hates.

I left, and came home and since they had been in the house for so many hours, I darted right in to let them out. Well, everyone was out but Tippie. I noticed again that he wouldn' t come up the stairs. He was frozen at the bottom of the stairs. He kept climbing up to the top, but looked at the rugs, and could tell he associated those rugs with not being sturdy, and seeing himself slipping and falling again. Each time he went up those stairs, he stopped, looked around and climbed back down. Again and again he would try, but still nothing. Finally I had to coax him with treats, sweet talk, tons of love and talking to him, trying anything to even get him to trust ME, HIS MOM, to reassure him that he would be OK, especially with me.

It took forever, and it was a pain, but I have to tell you. He taught me so much about myself, in watching this little scenario. He taught me that We all get Scared, for so many reasons, and that it isn't always that easy to trust the climb, back to some sort of "normal" place that everyone thinks should be so adaptable or easy.

He fell hard, and it scarred his memory. It obviously stuck, you could see it in his body, in his frozen sort of way. He is always flexible, and ready to go........... it was obvious that his body took on a whole new language.

It so reminded me of me, when I am scared, and I just don't want to recall a memory, especially if it is painful. Why climb those stairs again when you can take a detour that might be a bit more safe?

He made me realize that our lives ARE DELICATE, and that no ONE persons trek can be negated in any way. How do I know how someone has been scarred?

Like Tippie, it obviously affected him so greatly that for a dog that is so foot loose and fancy free, is now locked into place, by a memory of an incident that happened a coupla times, but now, he is responding to life, as if his body IS THAT MEMORY.

It was so incredibly enlightening to see the parallels, and so it made me take my time with him, to try any and everything to get him to a place of comfort, anything that would take him away from that horrible memory, and to a place of comfort, safety and love............ with utmost trust!

He hesitated and still does not trust that he won't fall and feel horrible again, but when he did finally get up the stairs he took off like a bat out of hell and just raced out the door. He was panting like crazy.

What was going on in his psyche? His body took on so much stress, and I sat and watched this whole show that showed me my life, in many aspects, of when I am frightened, or scared, or locked into a position inside that I feel I cannot get out of. That paralysis has theory behind it!
Tonight he showed me so much about the body, and how it reacts to situations, when in fear, and how it stays with you, until there is a certain amount of trust that can be gained by someone or something, that guides you gently, to show you that truly, even though you fell, there is nothing to be afraid of, and that you can keep moving, walking and climbing stairs, even if it seems scary, and the fall, hard!

I am still reeling in my observations, but wanted to at least jot down some of what I was feeling, it was that captivating.

No matter who or what we are, we are all souls, on our own trek. We all have different scenarios that we deal with, but the bottom line is, we can beat our own fears. We have tiny little angels all around that disguise themselves with one label or another, and they are there to help hold our hands in rough times, to be able to guide us through our fears, the rough spots that we can't seem to do on our own, and somehow, they make it look easy, even if it isn't.

My dog still doesn't trust me, but at least I got him to follow me up the stairs, so he could go out. That is no small undertaking. That dog was in the utmost fear, and although it took me almost an hour to get him to climb the stairs, AT LEAST HE DID.......... tomorrow will be another day, and I will be there for him, even if I have to wake up 2 hours early, just so he can feel comfortable and safe enough, to walk up those stairs confident, that he will not fall, and even if he doesn't believe it, at least he will hear my voice, and see my hand reaching out, for him to get that much closer to me, to feel my warmth, and genuine love, that I will be there, and for him to know that I will never leave his side, for one moment, not one moment in time.

Tonight...........right now, he sits by my feet, his head on the top of my foot, content as ever, with a feeling of security. He knows, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I am here, and will never, ever, leave his side, and will always be aware of his fears, insecurities, and do any, any, anything, to help him to overcome things that keep him in any other place than something like a womb, where it is warm and safe, and too, no question about the safety of his life!

P.S. Ok, I just took a steak bone upstairs to give to one of the other dogs, and there was Tippie, right by my side........yes, at the top of the stairs.............. thinking HE was getting the bone........... what is the moral of the story here? Honestly, I was just about to finish this blog, and before sending it, I went up stairs to give Che' Che' the bone, and there was Tippie............not scared, not taking an hour to get up there................ WHAT IS THE MORAL FOR GABRIELA?

How does this relate to me? Look at life like a steak bone? What? No seriously......... he just added a whole other dimension to my thoughts.............but too much for tonight............ wild! I tell you it's wild!

How many hours in the day?

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh......................... and so the story goes.................

Gnite my sweet friends............. thanks for always listening, and for responding in such sweet ways that help me in my evolution, and too, help me to understand this wild and crazy SPLASH OF TIME............in this gigantic Universe.

I am ever so grateful..............

I love you guys.........

Gabriela

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