Ahhh, Tis the season, and you know what sentences will follow...right? Ones like, people are scurrying around, last minute shopping, spending, spending, spending money they don't have, fearing they won't get the right gift for so and so, and so and so, hoping the kids or nephews will get what their friends have, so they can feel equal, and not left out, or maybe looked at like the not so cool one...... the craze is on, and the energy is high! The whole huga ba loo......and I just want to ask, really ask........
If you had your druthers, would you be doing what you are doing? Hay, some may say yes.
I know my mom did. Shoot, we were broker than broke, but I tell you, I have never seen someone so happy as to stay up until 5 or 6 in the morning wrapping presents that looked like they were for the President, and enjoyed every last minute of it. It was for us kids.
Needless to say, we still.....were broke. How long did it take to pay off one Christmas? Or did she ever? Ahhh, don't wanna think about that one!
Don't get me wrong, I loveeeeeeee tradition. I love that every year we would make the same stuff, all of our picky foods. OK, so us Italians, we eat stuff like, plates of pepperoni and cheese, marinated roasted peppers with fresh garlic and parsley, prosciutto and melon, suprasatta, ( said like Supra sod),olives galore, crackers and more cheese, blue cheese, smelly cheese, hard cheese, soft cheese, and then, oh my god wait........... MORE CHEESE!
You have to eat cheese with everything. Celery, and ..........cheese. Shrimp........and cream cheese............ Cappicola, (if your in the know, or you just plainly come from an Italian background,that would be pronounced Gabba goul). God just the sound of that makes me feel at home, not, of course when a non-Italian says it........Yes, ma'am, can I buy a pound of Capp eh Kola..... It's just not the same, ya know?
Anyhow, all of that stuff is what would make up my holiday at home. Eating, eating and eating. From morning till night. Pick all day, and eat a hug plate of lasagna, AND, ham, of course, and tons of other good food that would be too long to mention.
We got Americanized after some years, maybe after my mother married an Irishman. I never saw so much meat and potatoes in my life! Hay, but it was all good. It's about integration right?
Just leave the kilt in the closet. Thank you very much!
Over the years it had come to be that I moved away, and for some time, didn't even go home for years. There was a stretch of missing home and tradition so much that it hurt. I realized in one sense that it was what I knew, and never gave myself the chance to see if there was anything outside of what I grew up with , that would feel good to me, and be close like that, to my heart and soul, as to make me feel so cozy and at home.
Over the years I have done a tremendous amount of things on holidays. Spent them with friends, acquaintances from around the world, from all parts of the globe. It has been the most incredible experience to be with people who celebrate holidays in their way, and, to be able to share with them, in their way, on their turf. From the food, to the sacred acts of celebrating what their "God" is and what Christmas means to them.
It has been the most eclectic, phenomenal, experience ever, really, in my life, and I would love to continue to explore those traditions around the world, or, with people who are from different parts of the world, who are here, right before me, celebrating in their way, and not mine.
This holiday, I chose to spend it the way I wanted to, and actually, the way I am choosing to spend most of my time alone, when I have it.
It made me feel a little shaky, for lack of better words, at first, just because, everyone else in the world is doing x y and z, and here I am choosing this over here. It took me awhile to not feel different, or weird, or separate, and just be OK with the simple fact that, I am REALLY doing what I want, and it resonates with me so deep, that I loved every minute of it.
What I really came to realize, though, is that what I chose to do on "Christmas", the thing or things that I thought would be totally cool, satisfying and celebratory, was, in fact, the very things that I choose to do on an everyday regular basis.
When I finally realized that, any remnants of any kind, any unsettled feeling about how I was spending my time and with who, or not, I sank into this grand place inside that felt extremely reassured that my choices were solid and that there was no need to feel this or that, guilty or sad, or any other feeling that was outside of my peaceful feeling, just being, and doing such simple, simple things.
Don't get me wrong, I love and adore spending time doing what I did as a kid, and love being around people and drinking good wine, eating good food, but for some reason, ahhhhhhhhhhhh.......this felt so good.
I never want to apologize for my choices. They are what they are, and most times, there are opinions about them, but I have learned to just go with what feels good, and not care so much, if not at all, about what others think my life should, or should not be.
I am so happy for my friends that are out and about, snow mobiling, sledding, eating, drinking, opening presents, drinking egg nog, and all of the other cool stuff that comes along with this holiday. I celebrate you, your way, and all traditions as well. It truly makes me happy to stand back, to see how each and every one celebrates, and smile, knowing that it is what you want, and what makes you feel good.
To me, there is no right or wrong in celebrating. Just don't tell that to a Jewish mother or an Italian mother.........things won't go over so well, I kid you not!
I hope that your holiday was spent the way you chose to celebrate it, and there was no guilt to be had.
I hope you filled your bellies with lots of home cooked food and desserts, had good wine, and laughed your butts off.
I hope too, that the gratitude that comes along with Christmas carries you over, into your year, and you feel just as blessed and loved, as you did today.
Christmas truly IS every day.
I love you all.
Merry Merry Christmas.
(Save me some lemon meringue pie, or coconut creme pie....THAT? I wish I did have! xoxo
Love and more love,
Gabriela
No comments:
Post a Comment