IT'S ALMOST NOT RIGHT.............

.......to write right now.

My alone time, and what I choose to do with it has transformed me inside, outside, and in every way, shape and form.

Sometimes I feel as if I could just disappear in my experiences and never return.

I don't know how this "vehicle", called Gabriela, will use itself, in it's entirety, for the good of all, in this life, I really don't. There are so many things I want to do, things I want to help with, and to aid in making our world a more compassionate place, and a safe ground for all who have not felt safe, and to ............ah......well............ this list will go on forever......you know........my wishes and wants...........

In moments like this, or in my days spent alone, I wonder if there will ever be a way to truly articulate the enormity of what is inside, the things that I see, feel, hear and touch.

Does it, in fact, really matter, what is outside of my inner experience? Do I have to articulate it?

It is in me, so deeply, to express my feelings, no matter who or what. It is a must.

These experiences, accumulated, amount to a grandeur that, as of yet, cannot be articulated, at least in the way that measures up to what it is, or, was like, inside. It is always somewhat of a disappointment after I read what I have put down on paper, as opposed to what was REALLY happening on the inside, when pen went to paper.

I do try through poetry. That medium at least captures the mystery. Even if you don't get it, it's like any type of art........ you read, or look, but you cannot put any kind of stamp on what you think it is, because the only person who truly knows what went into that piece, is........the artist, but you are given the right..............yes, the right, to feel, to think and to surmise, just what YOU THINK that piece meant, or that poem......... there is a great freedom in art, and in expression!

Words aren't sufficient enough for me. They just don't touch what it all really is...... but.......in all of my efforts to sum up how great love can be............. ALONE.............. all alone............ without any sort of validation.......any "cherries" on top........... I have to say............ I am...........none other than........elated!

I cannot seem to get enough of being alone.

My life is so completely opposite of my job.

Yes , it is a great part of me......... I soooooooo love people!

Bringing people together, and too, watching how "it" all works- you know.......a bunch of space suits all in one big room- and so-that fascination could ignite many, many, more blogs to come!

I am out here on my deck. The lights are shining off of the water. The light house, ( my favorite sight in Austin), stares at me again, telling me so many stories.

The moon, not quite full, but blazzzzzzing, nonetheless.............

The stars..........man.......just so bright, and placed so damn perfectly it kills me!

They really do form pictures and put on shows up there........... I kid you not! Stay up one night and just sit and watch........... be patient enough to watch the phenomenon happen right before you.

It is sheer magic!

How is it..... that this simplicity can make you bare down and cry from a place that you cannot name?

People say, "Maybe you are just grateful".

No, it is beyond gratitude!!

I know, and truly feel, inside, that I am a part of it.

Again, words are really insufficient!

I cannot bypass this time to recognize the Truth in our existence.

It's pretty damn amazing and I almost cannot go back to everyday, regular, living.

Although I am immersed with people all day, or night, the rest of my life is purposefully sized down and compartmentalized to lift me up to a higher ground, a higher understanding of what this life is- and how to make the best of it, without compromising my beliefs and who I am as "Gabriela" as "Manager", as "sister", as "mother", as "friend" and as a deep, deep soul........... always, without a doubt, questioning her very own existence every day, every moment!

I'm watching, front row, my own movie.

I'm not so much attracted to the story line, but the objectivity, the symbolism, in what lies beneath it all.

It's never what it seems, really, it isn't!

There are a million stories before my eyes. Even if I could articulate it all.....

I'd need the days.............the nights........and the quietude ..........that so passionately beckon my soul..............

Now......

and.... for however long it takes............

I love you all!

Gabriela

~

MOVIN WITH LIFE

It's like the saying about money. "In one hand, and out of the other".

So it is with everything in life, I think.

When you look back on your life you see spurts of time where you were so passionate about someone or something and other faces stand out in that period of time as well......... and you really have to look at it all now and go.....WOW!

I mean, it seemed like a full life then, full of love, promises..........it was your world, a certain amount of people were in your circle and you saw only those people and had very specific experiences.

Where are they now?

This is not to say that some people don't stay around in your life from the past, but for the most part, you go back to childhood, see all of those people and experiences, go to teenage years, then

on up to your college days-after college, and now, wherever that may be.

I think of how incredibly attached I was to certain people and situations and have moved with the flow of life, and, so have others.

What once was intimate, passionate, close, best friends, classmates, neighbors, is now all a memory laden with whatever emotion you want to tie to it.

My life is ever changing and growing.

Circumstances, people, and environment, changing before me and if I don't stay current on how change is good, how being in the flow is life transforming...............than I will be mourning loss after loss for the rest of my life.

Some things you wish wouldn't change, or people that are not in your life anymore........you wish were............ but............ I don't want to be tied to a wishing tree that realistically won't deliver results because, it is just made up of wishes, and not in a reality of moving with what life brings you.

Once you jump in the river it seems foolish to hold on to the banks of the river.

That is not moving with the current.

But.....but................but............

NO! MOVE WITH THE CURRENT!

Look at the people, places and scenery-enjoy- and ........move!

Sounds so emotionally detached-and..........you kind of have to..............

Life moves too quickly to constantly hold onto things that are just in passing.

It's like going on vacation and being insistent that you do not want to go home, when you know darn well, you just have to.

You probably contemplate on the flight home..............why???

Why can't it just be this way, or that way?

Why does life have so many rules?

Isn't there a land somewhere, of free spirit where we can live so completely in our beings with no rules attached?

Well, ok, some rules...obvious ones for safety and such..............

I guess there will always be those things we want, but just cannot have.

To keep moving is homework, and...maturity!

To keep moving is consciousness-a continuous letting go of the old, and embracing the new.............and remembering what it all has taught us along the way.

I'm still moving slow- kind of on a row boat, rather than a motor boat, going down that river.

I want to see everyone, feel everything, and be present with each and every emotion that fills this body, and then.....let go, to churn new soil and begin on new treks, with greater awareness and compassion.

I am completely grateful for all who have been on my journey.

My heart is full.

Today, I am empty, ready for my row boat.

I'm moving slow............... movin slow................

~

TIMING

You will always get what you want in the appropriate time.

Don't lose sight of your vision, whatever that may be.

Keep it alive! Everyday, and all throughout your days.

There is no way that the Universe will deny you something that you want so badly.

Look around, stay awake for hints and clues, in a relaxed way. Nothing to be paranoid about, or moving from fear that if you DON'T LOOK AROUND, you will be doomed and none of your desires will come to fruition.

That is a crock!

If you are sending out messages that you want this or that but really, you are telling yourself it's probably not going to happen, or that it is not possible, than, probably, it won't...........

Check in with your self and see if your thoughts are paralleling your energy.

BELIEVE IN EVERYTHING!

Anything can happen.........truly......... if you believe in it heart and soul!

Don't underestimate yourself!!

You are bigger than you think!

When you gaze out into the ocean or look up into the sky, don't you kind of go......WOW!

How on earth?? What goes beyond those stars? Does the Ocean end?

We don't know, do we?

We just don't know how vast it all is......the whys and the how's......

It just IS...........and how beautiful a sight!!

So it is for you!

You have no idea how big you are!

But.........YOU ARE!

You don't know the mysteries that lye beyond the stars.

You don't know the depths of the waves.

We, and IT are total phenomenons and if we don't start believing in our power and capacities than everything will just remain tiny little visions through the eyes of a robot.

See everything that you want!

Don't lose sight of it...........

then...

Relax!

Life is happening........

and.....

You are

never

NOT

included!!

~

IF YOU STAND STILL LONG ENOUGH

Today, two cardinals
landed in front of me.

One,
bright red

the other
pale.

The bright one
stared at me

and
I
back.

It lasted
awhile!

I can't
explain
what happened

but
something
did!

I'm
not
the
same!

If you stand
still
long
enough

life will
plant

seeds.

You don't
need to know
what kind

just make
your soil
fertile

kick back
and
enjoy

the show!

~

IT'S THE SIMPLE THINGS

There are a few things that I just can disappear into. Cooking would be one of those things. God, how I love to cook, and good food, too.

It is my day off, and any chance I get, I like to get a bunch of healthy ingredients, spread them all out and conjure something up that just seems good to me in that moment.

Today I am making Fresh Atlantic Salmon with a Ginger Garlic, Pineapple Citrus marinade, Zucchini Squash stuffed with a Brown Rice, Shitake Mushroom, Cilantro Mango sauce, and a great salad with tons of fresh veggies and a homemade dressing that I never make, because I stink at making dressings, so I decided to embrace my little Apple Cider Vinegar and try to get as creative as I could without measuring.

Don't laugh, it's funny. You can give me any food on the face of the earth and I will cook you the most fabulous food, without any recipe, hints, clues or cheat sheet, but to make a simple dressing??? It's as if I lost all sense of any intuition, and stand there with the biggest question mark in my head.

I also have been making fresh juices everyday, hence, the produce isle in my kitchen. It really IS

just for me, but I got so addicted to juicing every day that I had to stock up.

It is truly amazing how these simple little things, not only are a beautiful sight to see, but how just in preparing these foods, or drinks, makes you feel so grateful for how available they are to us, how amazingly healing and healthy they are, and how we really don't need too much to sustain these crazy little bodies that we take for granted, so often.

I know I do. Ahh, but I don't want to get too serious about it. I'm having fun now in my life.

At one point, I was just a bit too crazy about what went into this body, and yes, I was the epitome of healthy, but to not go out to eat because they don't have blue corn instead of yellow corn, or nothing really is make without dairy, or wheat, or processed foods.......... ahhh, I just don't wanna do it. I love my Italian food, wine, bread and cheese. Leave me alone, I'm Italian, and to boot, I'm passionate about food, all of it, every last little kind, from any region, and I will learn every bit of it and then invite you over for the most fun time, to learn about all of the new foods that no one ever takes the time to know, or learn, because, well, it's weird or different than say, your steak and potatoes, or your chicken and broccoli.

C'mon............. travel with me............ eat some good food............be simple............ learn new ways, new cultures, and how to have the best time, doing absolutely nothing, but eating, sipping, and talking about any subject you choose!

Any requests.................... ???

Have a beautiful day...........I am...........rain an' all!!!

I better be careful...........feeling like this makes me want to travel and escape.......... just to be out of the "norm".

Who knows? It might be good!

Ciao!

LOVE,

Gabriela

LEARNING AND UNLEARNING

Since I was a little girl I can remember always thinking how much I loved being around old people. I felt a significant difference inside, being around them, as opposed to maybe going outside and playing with my friends.
Of course, I did go out and play with my friends, and did all of the things that kids do- but I can remember, detail for detail, wondering how and when, the next time would be that I could spend time around them..... you know, the "old" people.

We grow up doing what we are taught, what is shown to us as normal, and rarely, does a kid brake out of that mindset, to uncover what they really want or spend time doing the things that really appeal to them, in fear it will be different or looked down upon. To think freely is almost unacceptable.

In retrospect, I see how I fought for my own individuality, how I constantly ran for "cover" to think those things over, since what I wanted was never what I was actually doing....ever, unless I snuck it.

Kids have struggles. I mean these days, and even then, people are way too busy to listen to your dreams, hear about your visions and thoughts on life. Often times, you know how it goes......... ahhhh, he or she is a kid. No one would ever believe that you have such grand ideas, or deep thoughts about life or what you actually believe in outside of what you are being brought up to believe.

As I got older, I found myself still very much attracted to the elderly, and too, to kids.

I had come to find two beautiful parallels in my desire to stay connected to these two incredibly different persona's, yet so alike, in their way.

They kept my sense of realness alive amidst growing up, in life situations, chaos and struggles.

The elders always had stories to tell, out of honest experience, not just the stereotypical old person with age old stories because they had the time under their belt, but because they just........did....... and were naturally and organically seasoned.

They sat in such solid foundation with a surety about life!

They had that amazing sense of wonder - of innocence, that they had returned to after going through their journey.

The Unlearning of it all!

The coming back to that child like innocence, after all of that time spent "in life" and "with life".

They had returned to the child they once were, only now, they have consciously separated themselves from the "life" part of it.

They now see it for what it is and have decided how unimportant it all is.

They have, come home!

The small child too! From the very beginning.

They are natural wonders, excited at the very idea of going outside, mesmerized by the vibrant colors on the butterfly that just landed on the rock-

A turtle they found- the sounds of crickets at night-the warmth of their covers- the mere look of another human being............... it all starts to unravel.

The learning begins.

Ideas thoughts and programming filter in.

From that time on, it takes a lifetime to re-capture that essence. To see it in it's entirety, at least, as we did as kids, back then.

To live so fully in that awe, that essence of such a grand, grand, love.

It is such a rare moment in time, to actually find someone who nurtures this on a daily or regular basis.

I don't know what I would do without these moments, really, I don't.
It is the only thing that keeps it all real to me. Those moments have become the sacredness of my days. the only thing I really look forward to. Nothing else! Truly!!

It has become such an addiction to be out in nature, to be in that innocence, to be magnetically drawn to certain people who exude this innocence-who have lived enough in life, to know that life isn't all what it seems-that it is just made up of a bunch of facts piled high, like stacks of paper on your desk, ready to be filed.

Life can seem like a job, but we can get off at 5, and even make our own schedules, leaving the necessary time to be ourselves, to go out and play and re-learn what we knew as kids, to nurture that innocence that gets lost along the way.

I'm in! I'm swimming in it, and don't want to come out of it!

I'll do my fair share of homework, but shoot, I never did like school anyway.

All I know is, I'm not waiting till I'm old and grey.

Like today.......skipping down the road by myself. Can't even tell you the looks I got.

I don't care about opinions anymore! Really, I don't!

I know what feels good to the soul.

I hope it all looks cooky, hippie, checked out, and all of the other bold words that TRY to describe someone genuinely in love with life.

There is one word that comes to mind, and I'll end my long blog.

BIRTHRIGHT!

~

IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME.........

..........In ....."Heaven".

And someday

it will begin to happen

again

on earth.

That men and women

who are married

and men and men

who are lovers

and women

and women

who give each other

light

often

will get down

on their knees

and

while so tenderly

holding their lovers

hands

with tears in their eyes,

will sincerely speak

saying

"My dear, how can I be

more loving

to you~

how can I be more kind?"

~

THE WAVES

I look out onto the water and see how rough the waves are today. How windy and cold it is today, and realize, our lives are so much like the changing tides.
The other day, it was 79 degrees and sailboats were drifting slowly, people were out having a grand ol' time, and today, not a boat in sight, the waves are crashing hard, and life is still happening.

It reminded me to stay centered within all of the changes that happen in my everyday life. To know, that things are constantly changing, and if I allow myself to be affected by the changes, then I truly will be riding on the roller coaster of life, and too, not being very realistic about how this life really is.

Things are constantly changing, and if I don't get this by now, than I will be fully grey haired by the time I reach 45, I'm sure!!

If I don't find some way to feel good in it all, no matter if the tide is low, high, hard, soft, gentle or crashing, I will be doing what every other person is doing, who isn't paying attention to the inner realm, that tells us, "Hay, everything really is OK", you are taken care of.

I'm not saying that life isn't rough. Hell............. it hands you some tough ones. It is up to me to find a way to stay good in it. And too, to not let my thoughts get the best of me, or take me too far into the future that I lose sight of this delicious moment, that, has some very, very cool things that will make you jump outa your seat. Very detailed, life changing moments that show you so many things about yourself, about life, and without words, we get answers, to things that we rack out logical brain about.

I do happen to think that in the silence of it all, God gives you the answers, and you wind up kicking yourself in the butt for not trusting in the whole process, and for trying to do, do, do, out of fear that your life isn't going to turn out the way you "planned".

That is a tough one to ace, as we all have ideas about our lives, how they should go, where we should be, how much money we need to be making and all of that.

Who really is to say what we are here for?

Maybe there is a plan already happening that blows your plan way out the door?

Maybe it is actually better than what you small little brain conjured up, maybe even closer to who you are than who YOU THINK YOU ARE?

HAAA, WHAT ABOUT THAT? WHAT IF?? JUST............WHAT IF?

I wanna say to myself, "you small thing you". Expand............ trust and know that God isn't going to deny any request that you may have, ESPECIALLY if it is for the good of all!!

Do you actually think if your heart is so passionate about something and it is pure in heart, that someone, something out there isn't going to fulfill that for you? Someone has to get this train going for us. We need more people to hold hands and get out there and spread some well needed love around, so we can make some significant change here.

I'm droppin all plans............ not 100%..........but keeping a vision, and leaving the rest up to the Unknown driver in my life, who knows me better than I know myself.

I trust that the music out there is playing loud enough, that it is an orchestra saying what needs to happen through music.

That music is right in front of you. Listen to it!! It is in the tree, the birds, your cat, dog, and even the person who is on your last nerve. There is music there, with "words" that will guide you.

It will steer you without thought!

LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN.

And.........keep your visions alive.

No one is saying stay in bed and wait for a miracle. Get out there and help out.

Start one little thing at a time, but look next to you, in any and everything.............look for the words beyond the music.

They tell some pretty incredible stories, better than I could ever tell.

I'll meet you out there!

~

RISKING IT ALL..........

No, I'm not gambling my bank account in Atlantic City..... not being a free flowin hippie......... (I don't think), or selling all of my possessions to live on an island, ( although that sounds darn good ).

I have decided that I am going to gamble everything inside of this little person, to go with every last gut feeling I have, to not second guess it, and see, just see, how differently my life turns around.

There are so many fears that go along with that. But, what will happen to me? What if this, what if that????????

There are so many things in my life right now that I see myself second guessing out of fear, and I am going to stop that train, TODAY.........RIGHT NOW, AS I WRITE.

There are a few situations in my life that my intuition says NO, NO, NO.............. And then the little nag inside called Miss Survival, says........."Oh, just do it, YOU HAVE TO, WHAT ELSE WILL YOU DO?"

I have been listening to it for awhile now, and today, I just said, "Why do something that feels less than awesome?"

And not just that one little thing, it is a multitude of things.

For awhile I have stayed very safe, in my little corner, and ignored my intuition, and quite frankly, felt extremely confined in my own little web of thoughts. Circumstances had me all wound up and feeling as if I had no choices.

Well, I have been doing some heavy duty healing, and things are getting fine tuned the way I like, and I think I want to start diving into more of what my heart knows, and to play a little chess with myself, to start understanding more, that my intuition is so darn powerful, and disregarding it or moving from fear, instead of love and trust, is just not going to get me to where I need to be, inside or out.

I am starting with this one scenario, that is kinda huge for me, and has kept me in a perpetual state of fear, thinking that there aren't too many choices regarding how to make the situation work. I'll tell you after I make the decision to NOT MOVE OUT OF FEAR, AND TO DO WHAT MY INTUITION SAYS.
I simply am not going to listen to what the "Survivor" says, and am going to just act as if nothing will happen, and from there, make responsible choices to support my own leadership! If I can't ace this little thing, which seems huge to that little girl in there who is always afraid of not being able to survive........then how am I going to get to do all of the enormous things that I want to do for myself, or the world, if something like this, or any of my other fears that hold me back, paralyzing me as if I am in a straight jacket??

The only straight jacket there is, is the one in my head!!!

I CAN DO ANYTHING I WANT, AND TODAY, I AM RELEASING ALL FEARS THAT HOLD ME BACK FROM MOVING FORWARD IN THE DIRECTION I WANT TO GO.

I got up this morning after 2 amazing days off, and looked out onto the lake and saw a huge, huge universe out there, waiting for me, to use me in some way that is good, that is healing, that is of service to our society, and people, and time is being wasted! Wasted in thoughts!

There are so many thoughts that can be X- ed out, to make room for conducive ones, ones that propel us in a direction to change things. Yes, change the things that we see need some help. It doesn't take much to change things if we start small, and actually follow through with them. That is usually where we all get stuck.

I know I have had some great ideas, if I can say so myself, and my problem sometimes, is that I leave it on paper, or in my head, as.........that.............a THOUGHT.

The best thing we can do to make change, in any way, is to actually take one small step toward that goal, and actually carry it out.........see it through.................. see it through.............. see it...........feel it..........taste it............and don't let it off your tongue.................

Keep it fresh, and don't put it away in a box of memories.

KEEP IT ALIVE AND GO AHEAD TODAY AND MAKE ONE SMALL MOVE TOWARD IT.

And don't think past that. Don't overwhelm yourself by looking at the larger picture.

Look, I cannot feed all of Africa, but I can send packages when I can to the little orphanages that I went to.

I don't have thousands, right now, anyway, to build schools over there, or to buy them uniforms, or cloth the entire family.............but I have a million and one things here at my house that I look at everyday, crap with tags on it still that haven't been worn in years.

I can box those things up and send them off, with dry goods too.

Easy.

Throw in box. Bring to post office. Mail.

Next????

Not exactly how I see me helping, but..............it is a start, and if I can do that, then the next thing will present itself, and more than likely, because I didn't allow fear to paralyze me, there will be another opportunity for me to do more, and then more, and then more, and there I am , In my beloved Africa, smiling like nobodies business, because I am surrounded by the people I love, the work I love, and the inner sensation that I am home, doing what I love, and it is effortless, completely effortless to just be, who I am, because.................

I didn't listen to my fears!!

I'm telling them to just shut up...........and on with my day I go!

So, that is it!

Africa is just one thing.

I have so much to give, in so many ways, to myself, to you, to the world, and to whoever is open to the purity in consciousness that rests in the most beautiful place, one that cannot be touched, or toyed with............ it is a genuine place of love that I cannot help but to fall in love with everyday.......and my moments are being swept away by it................

It is so, so, tender and sweet.

I wish for you all to find that...............

I'm still here, holding your hand.

Have an amazing day.............devoid of any fears!

Jump!!

You won't get hurt, I promise!!

Love,
Gabriela

SOMETIMES I WONDER.......

Ya know, everyday, for me, is pretty incredible. No lie! No matter what is going on in my crazy life, it must be meant that I accept this grand, grand love, for what it is, and just move past all of the so called barriers that would normally set us aside from the smaller things, you know, those tiny little things that actually make our moments, and our days. Even if it is for a split second, we get the opportunity to feel something soooooooo great, really.......from watching a squirrel, or a blade of grass, or the morning dew that sits before you. The quiet of the morning, before life actually starts, the tiny little insect that just crawled over your heart rock sitting on your railing, and you see, if you want to, the correlation in it all, how if we choose to see and feel love, we can......we really can!

I have had an extended period of time off from work, that seems unusually long. It really isn't, it is just that it has been 2 consecutive days, rather than one here, and one there.

I usually plan some things to do, you know, catching up with our daily lives, simple things, and too, maybe one night with a friend or something like that, to feel somewhat human, and to maybe get out and do something "normal" like go out to eat, or see a movie......... but, that winds up being extremely rare, out of total choice. I have been delving into my books, and writing so much, (not my blog), and really, just observing life, outside of what I do for a living, and also, observing life outside of my own minds view, and allowing myself to naturally gravitate to what it is that I love, and I have to tell you........this week, especially, I have experienced such a grandeur....... that I don't know if I can even express what it is that has satisfied me so much. I mean I can come up with some words, but they would wind up being so inadequate for me, and I'd look at it saying" Why on earth did I even try?" It would wind up sounding like every one of my blogs, everyday, that loves nature, loves silence, and loves animals, and like many say about me, the hippie - ness of Gabriela.

Maybe it does sound hippie, so be it! That's cool, I guess!

I spoke to an ex lover of mine who knows me well, in some respects. It has been quite some time now, maybe years.

It was the first time in a very long time, that I have spoken to someone who has gotten my language.

I am not willing to compromise who I am or what I am wanting to achieve, spiritually, or outwardly just to fit in, or make things seem somewhat "normal".

Therefore, I have lovingly secluded myself to my own little world, outside of work, and have created a vortex that only supports the highest realm of existence in what I believe to be true, and supportive of living a life that is of service to the needy, of help to those who need support, in whatever arena, and that will enable me to stay strong within, while giving, without.

I have come to truly love my little life, outside of Gabriela, at work, whatever that looks like, and am so humbled by that existence, so utterly different from what it all seems.

I usually cannot wait to get home, to "disrobe" and to settle into my quiet environment, so full of innocence, my animals that speak to me in such a language that I completely understand, and to get back to the place I left before going to work...........

The integration is a process that I am learning to accept, and to try to work into my world, but I would be lying if I didn't say that it was, or is, a sad process. To go from one extreme to another!

You can say, "Yes, I will integrate this at work", but the truth is, right now, it is so much homework to be able to access this place, in, a place, like I work, and with, the type of persona's.

I am not out to change everyone, and everything...........really, not in the least.

It is an interesting process. I take it for what it is.

I do know that we are in certain places and times, for a reason.

I use what I can, to my advantage.

I think I will always be the one who tries to go for the Gold, even if the Gold, seems no where in sight.

Sometimes I do wonder.... really do wonder, why we are here, and how we are to be who we are so passionately crazy about, amist the fog.............

All I know, is that we are here for a reason, to make good things happen, and to put our best foot forward into creating a life that is more risky, more parallel to making things happen, as opposed to waiting for them to happen.

We are the change that we want to see, right? Right?

~

NON TEACHING

It isn't taught
to
be
quiet,
and
it
be
alright.

It isn't taught
to
be
alone
and
it
be
alright.

It isn't taught
to
be
without
relationship
and
it
be
alright.

It isn't taught
to
do
nothing
and
it
be
alright.

It isn't taught
to
TRUST
and
it
be
alright.

It isn't taught
to
go
with
your
gut
and
it
be
alright.

It isn't taught
to
believe
in
anything
other
than
what
is
"supposed"
to
be.

Is
this
alright?

What,
then
may I
ask
you....

is
really
"supposed"
to
be?
~

I HAVE FOUND A PLACE

I have found a place inside that is so amazing! A place that has come from a diligent nurturing. One that encompasses everything, big, small, sad, joyful, traumatic, places that hurt, that make you turn inside out............ places that elate you, and make you feel every kind of emotion there is.

Within it all, I have secured a seat within myself, and am finding that my life is neutralizing, sort of coming to a very fine balance, inside, no matter what is happening on the outside.

It's funny, because I spent many,many years with a spiritual teacher, that taught us this very same thing but really, we weren't actually living in those experiences so much as now. Then we were secluded from real life, and didn't have as much hands on to work with. It was like living in a false bubble, yet, the teachings were potent, valid, and still, I adhere to the ones I know in my heart ring true.
I am starting to really see, especially getting older, with death, the realities of disease, illness of all kinds, aging, even with our pets, and you sit back and watch life unfolding. Even if it is sad, it is still a phenomenon to watch, like witnessing a child being born into this world.

That still has to be one of the biggest phenomenons for me, and yet, we live our lives, so carefree, doing this and that, and there is life, one more year, two more years, then 40 years later, you begin to start noticing all of the nuances, the many things that led up to where you are now, and how you formed your life according to what you thought was right, or maybe not so right.

We freely let out emotions get to us, or take us over without thinking that we actually have a choice in how that goes.

I'm not saying that with the inevitable, like death, or any kind of loss, that we will not feel that, or that we shouldn't feel it, by any means. That to me, IS PART OF LIFE. What I am becoming more and more aware of is that there is a seat, way on the sidelines that we can sit in, to still be a part of life, and feel our sorrows, our pains, our glories, our losses, our victories, and find a place that doesn't make us feel soooooo high, or soooooooo low that we begin to believe that we cannot find a happiness without the "good things", and when the "bad" things happen, we cannot find a peaceful or joyful feeling amidst those situations.

Again, and again, I will never forget standing next to my mothers bed, before she passed, and she saw how incredibly sad I was, and all she said to me was, "honey, this is part of life".

I pan back on that everyday and realize that within any situation that is handed to me, I can find the gems, the good things to see, or look at, instead of how wrong a situation is, or how sad, or traumatic, or whatever the emotion may be.

I can grieve, as I want to come full circle with everything in my life, but it really IS.........ALL GOOD!

We may have to go through a lot of growing pains to get there, but all I know is that within my little vortex of a life, I have found the sweetest spot to camp out in, to nurture, more and more, the realness, in the complexities of this life, and to make it light, as much as I can, to find happiness within every given situation. And, if I somehow can't, then I know life will throw me an angel or two to find it again.

They of course are all around, so keep your eyes open if you can't get there yourself.

More so......... find your own little angel inside.............

I am here.

Love to you,
as always,
Gabriela

MORPHING..........

into what you are......REALLY ARE!

Like getting a pile of play doe from your mom and dad as a kid, and sculpting some figure out of clay.........so too, can you morph, or mold, your very own self, as clay, into something that you see fit, for yourself, and then when it is done, you heat that sucker, and let it sit, until you then, do it, emulate it, and see that, what the heck is the big deal???? You see a picture, you hold that visual in your head, and then you execute it............. why??? Because you have a vision, and you can truly morph anything into ANYTHING.

That is what artistry is! See it, get it on paper, in clay, on film, whatever the modality is.............do it............see it..............feel it...........and execute it!!

If you wait for someone else to do it, then it will never happen, OR, someone will run off with your idea, and you will be pissed!

Jump on your ideas, even if you think they are a crock!!!!

Most people who "make it", don't wait for the next idea. They hop on the very first idea that comes their way, and if they screw up, they screw up, but at least they put their very best foot forward.

You can't wait. Screw up already! It's bound to happen, you might as well do it sooner than later.

I have sent in screenplay after screenplay. Who cares? If I never have my screenplay looked at, at least I know I sent it in, right?

Be into change!!! Morph yourself!

Allow yourself to be something different............... every moment!!

After all, change is change. Change happens every second. If I am the same as I was 10 minutes ago, I wouldn't be changing right?

Doesn't mean that will happen all of the time.

If you are open...........just open, you will be changing moment to moment. That is how fast life is changing, showing you new things, new ways to become more, or less. It is all about choice!

There is a sort of preparation for this fast moving change, and it ain't easy, I tell ya. It takes a certain mode, a certain mind set. I certainly did not get here by choice. I would like to say I did, but I would be lying. I was forced into this momentary way of thinking by circumstance, by the Grace of God. At this moment, and at other times in my life. I have to say, that these times were THE MOST incredible times. You don't have time to contemplate. You just move with energy, and then you see yourself in situations that are amazing, and you get to act your life out in such a euphoric way. No planning...........just in tune! Please don't say this is hippie language. It's life, in the flow.............. get with it left brainers!! Move on up into right brain world that is taking precedence in today's world. It has such a grand place in life, given it's credence. OK, I get it, we need to save, plan, and keep our feet on the ground, but ya'll need to lift your frigin feet up, go for a ride, raise hell, and scream at the top of your lungs out of sheet joy, that life is a f....blast...........and not all about the payroll, or the nice shiny book end you just bought, the painting of the shaggy rug that cost a grand.Who cares? Kick you heels up. Morph!

There is a mystical ride in life that is so fun, outside of what you see and think.

Try out new shoes.

Shoot, I have!

Uhhh, let's see............ labor reports, inventory.......... counting drawer after drawer............. accounting............ if that isn't left brain, I don't know what is?!

C'mon and play.....morph............change, or at least try on some boots that you never tried on before.

If they seem clunky, take them off. At least go around the block with them first, then access the situation.

OK, that is it.

Try things out.

I'm not spelling it out any more.

We have out work cut out for us.

Left brainers, you know who you are, right brainers................. I frigin love you.............! Balance right? Left...........right..............

xoxoxo

I'm such a little shit............... go ahead........say it............it warrants it!

Like I have said, there is good, in every "bad" situation.

There are always gems, in the rough spots.

Ya know, it feels as if I look like a completely different person at times........actually, most times.

I think it is because I have changed so much inside, that when I look in the mirror, I truly don't see the same girl, woman, person, who started on this trek to begin with.

As much as I don't want to see myself the same as two seconds ago.......I hope you, do not keep me in the small box that life tends to hand you. Someone who did this, or that, or said this, or said that...........

I am not the same!!

And too, I say the same for you. And for the ones I have not gotten a chance to speak with. That means you too.

I cannot keep you in the same spot as you were the last time we interacted. Certainly you must have morphed a million times over. And even if you haven't?? I have............ and that will change the situation whether you do something or not.

Let's all change, and fess up to our short comings.

I have crap! You have crap!

Who cares?

If we can work it out, lets go for it! If not, hay, we tried, and then it can still be our crap, but our extended crap that we decided needed more attention to. Really, it's not big deal.

I just have been seeing how we can all morph into such incredible beings, outside of what we see ourselves, and we create such barriers to ourselves. Yes, this means me too. I am no way exempt!

Look, we are not going to escape out crap overnight, so let's embrace the stuff that we dislike, and work on it so that we can like what we see.

Let's take responsibility for our actions and words.

I know that is a lot but we kinda have to.

I know I do!

It can get ugly, but hell........... I'd rather that than being totally embarrassed at the things I project out of total child like behaviour.

Call it psychosomatic............I don't care. I know what I mean..........and probably you do too, if you admit it.

Jump on the train...........let's morph into what we want and what we see.

No more robotic stuff!

It never works.........unless we are in the Jetson Era.

C'mon do this with me.

I'm high on energy that wants to fly........and get over old stuff!

Who's comin with me???

Anyone?

Anyone??

~

FEELING THE PULL

Today especially, but lately, even though certain circumstances in my life haven't changed greatly, I feel THE STRONGEST PULL forward, from that source we all know and love. Deem it what you want. God, the Universe, The source, fill in your own blank.

And even though things that you may want to change seem as if they are going at a snails pace, I can feel, and even see now, how things really do take a life of their own, (with you in mind of course, and all of the things that you ask for).

I honestly believe that when you believe in the process of how the Universe works, at least try to understand it, and stop trying to force every bit of your way of thinking into the equation, than you start to see that there is an underlying force that is there to help you, to guide you, and to not steer you away, but, in fact, hold your hand on a trail that really does take you to where your heart desires.

I do believe that things come our way to heal, to fix, to mend, and to also, grow up, and out of things that just don't work for us anymore.

Old habits, old friends, old patterns, cob webs from the past. Deep seeded things that we may not even know are there, but when we pull them up, or someone shows us some things about ourselves that make the puzzle seem not so complex anymore, we wonder why we haven't been dredging this stuff up all along, so that we can be on that Yellow Brick Road, back to "OZ", our true home inside that doesn't lie to us, and keeps us close to what is most real, and allows us to be so authentic in our nature.

Not some programmed bull crap the we learned along the way and suddenly have forgotten who the heck we really are.

Go back to who you were when you were a kid, say 7-ish.

What were you dreams and desires? How did you feel then, thinking about them? You may have thought they were just "dreams" because who really teaches us that we can have any darn thing we want if we just make a plan and go for it?

Did you want to be a teacher? A writer? A painter? An artist of sorts? What was it?

I know at age 7 I wanted the very same things I want now. It never changed, except for the fact that I did want to be a movie star. Now, I just want to make films, write books, and maybe have a cameo appearance hahaha. Not really..........

Many of the things I thought about then, are what I think about now.

Today, I have literally stepped back from the story line of my life, and have allowed myself to feel the pull of some awesome energy inside that is telling me something, I'm not quite sure.
There are so many opportunities, so many goodies in my life I can choose from right now, and it is exciting to know I have those choices, but I feel myself not wanting to compromise. I want EXACTLY WHAT I WANT, AND I AM GOING TO GET IT.

There may be a thing or two I know I won't get, but I'll work on that one, and clump it in with, "You can't always, get what you want, ya get what ya need".............. Love that Rolling Stones song........it does apply, and sometimes you want to go..............DAMN.............but in clear moments, you know that probably, that thing just doesn't have a true place in your world, at least not the way you want it anyway.

All part of the unraveling, and that too, is cool, finding out the why's and how's, and just moving with the river of understanding.

There isn't really anything that is bad, if we can keep that perspective and use all of it for a better understanding of ourselves.

Today is feeling really specific about a couple of things that I want, and I can see that picture starting to flourish.

Who knows where I'll end up........... there is a whole life out there to choose from, people to meet, places to go, and things to uncover and learn.

I wish I could tag a few people along with me, but everyone has their own journey. I guess that is just how it goes. When you move with the river, you never know where that tide is going to take you, and you bless the grounds that you walked upon, and know that there are more sacred grounds to touch upon.

I love everyone who has been on my journey thus far.

Some amazing people who have touched my life.

I thank you so much for all the gifts that you have given to me.

Dig in and feel the pull of passion, to where you are going and trust that that genuine energy has a bag full of goodies that you have specifically requested along your way.............it may be your time to look in that bag, and remember that YES, YOU REALLY DID ASK FOR THOSE THINGS. Get on that Yellow Brick Road man. There are a ton of things to discover along the way. Don't keep looking for OZ...............just know you will certainly get there, but enjoy the gems along the way.

And..............don't be so afraid of the "Witches".............they really do melt as soon as you see who they really are!"

THERES NO PLACE LIKE HOME!
THERES NO PLACE LIKE HOME!

Gabriela
"the good witch"

WHERE WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE

I do believe that what we have in our lives.........people, circumstances, work and such is what is, supposed to be for a reason.

I know there are lessons in everything, but sometimes it just seems so blatantly obvious that those particular things are there for us to see some things about ourselves, what things may need to change, or too, see how we have changed, in relation to people or how we now are with them, or even the circumstances too.

Maybe last year I would have been in the same scenario, and just felt so raw, vulnerable, and scarred, and today, there is a strength, to see it from a clearer perspective, and to see things more objectively.

If I hadn't been through that vulnerable stage, and felt the emotions , and had seen the psychology behind it, I may have just fallen prey to, "This thing is happening to me", and what should I do?

There is great comfort in knowing that I have done some hard earned work to feel good, feel strong, and clear, and able to steer myself in another direction, one that actually works FOR ME, not against me.

I think it boils down to really knowing how you feel inside, on all levels, and saying yes or no to any given situation, based on what your body tells you.

If you tune in enough, you will feel every bit of energy all around you, scope the good stuff out, and the not so good stuff will give you that mmmmmmmmmmmm kinda question mark in your head. Immediately, you know somethin' isn't right.

Don't go against that. Nip it in the bud, you might save yourself lots of years and emotional distress that you just don't need.

I love my lessons, some, of course now that I have come out on the other side. When you are going through them it is not a pretty sight, and you hope, just hope that someone will have the right touch to ease your pain.

Death, loss, of any kind, change, moving, or just plain ol' seeing your own personal stuff that maybe you have to get a dumpster to put it all in, and have it be carted away, for good this time.

Today, especially with the weather being as beautiful as it is, feels like a time of renewal, again.

That feeling of renewal comes and goes so much, that I want to always be ready for change when it comes. I know in order for me to do that, I need to do whatever it is that keeps me on top of my game.

It's different for everyone, but I feel great knowing I have finally gotten a hold of both horns on that bull and am riding it like a champ.

Ain't no losing here. Might take awhile but damn............... when you are a fighter, you are a fighter.

Don't fight anyone elses battles unless you have your own fought!

Stay close to yourself!! Find out what it is that makes you tick, what makes you want to wake up and greet the day with a huge smile, and go about the day, no matter what you are doing, or what is going on.

There are always going to be things that we want, when we don't have them, people we want to be with when they are not close, money to wish for when we don't have it, homes we dream about, cars we wish we had, and all of the things that are on the wish list............but.............but, if we can find a happiness within ourselves, minus every last thing on that wish list, then I would say you have licked the biggest part of living a truly authentic life!!!!

God, there is so much to talk about. So many things to learn, to cherish, to move past, to be grateful for, to thank someone for, and to just throw your hands up in the air in sheer gratitude that life is pretty chaotic, but we have the choice to change our mind sets in the flash of a tiny little second.

Honestly, you can go from feeling miserable and stuck, to feeling free and happy in the knowing that life is nothing other than a big fat CHOICE.............. ONE TINY LITTLE SWITCH OF THOUGHT.............AND YOU CAN BE ANYWHERE YOU WANT TO BE, INSIDE.

FEEL FREE TO CHOOSE SOMETHING GOOD. WHY NOT, IF YOU CAN.....RIGHT?

And.............I'm telling you...............right now, if I CAN...........SO ............CAN YOU!

I'm so very grateful for all of life's lessons, the pains, the hurts, the losses, and all of the things that make me feel full and alive in this crazy human body that still, on a regular everyday basis, continues to perplex me, and keeps me so on the edge with wonder, and thought, and keeps me WHO I AM, which is the one that always wants to feel life, and view life, with all of it's fancy colors, and blow it up so that my heart can get that much bigger, and one day, I will say the very same thing that I said when I just started to talk............... as a baby.............. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! And with a big breath............I started to walk, and talk, on my little journey here............... discovering life, as a baby...............in total awe and wonderment....................

Nothing has changed.

I am utterly grateful for it all.................

I hope you are too!

Love,
as always,

Gabriela

JUST GO..

Take whatever

action

is

most

liberating

to

your

soul

even

when

you

are

afraid!

~

JUST GO...........

Take whatever action

is most liberating

to

your

soul,

even

when

you

are

afraid!

~

END OF THE TRAIL

This title has so many meanings behind it for me, but this morning, the meaning is one that has inspired me in the last few days.

A friend at work told me she was going home to have a get together with some people, and one of the people was this woman, named Bernice Ende, aka, Lady Long Rider.

She briefly told me the story of this woman, especially because my friend knows a little bit of what I like and what I gravitate toward, along with wanting so badly to live in the country, yes, goats, horses, maybe even a cow, who knows, and to just be in nature with my dogs, enjoying life, spending time with people who are authentic, like to gather, very low key, low maintenance, and just share stories and talk and have some wine with a good ol' bon fire goin.

Anyway, she told me of this woman, who basically is a pioneer. She rides across the country with just her two horses, and her dog sits up on top of one of the saddles and they ride everywhere. This trek, that she was going to do was a 7,000 mile, two year trek. Just the three of them, riding I think starting from Montana and then the map shows all of the pit stops and such.

I love this story, and especially if you go to her web site endofthetrail.com you will see just how amazing this woman is, how she just plainly spends most of her time in nature, with her animals, stopping in many different places, making beautiful friends all over the world, sharing life, stories, simplicity, and a genuineness that you cannot mistake for anything else.

THIS IS WHAT I LOVE. THIS IS WHAT I LOVE!!!

Even looking at her picture, there is a solid knowing that this woman is just doing exactly what she loves, and is beaming with that passion!

When I went in the next day to work I asked my friend how the gathering went, and sadly enough, she told me that Bernice horse suddenly died. The horse that has taken her on all of her travels, and has been like a partner, so to speak, a companion that was her heart and soul.

She was leaving that day I think and now she has another plan, I guess to get another horse and train him to be able to trek around the US with her.

I plan to read her blog more, as you should. She is an amazing woman, with heart and soul, and a fervor for life that makes me sing inside.

It makes me all that more inspired to do exactly what I am doing, which is sketching out any and everything that makes me extremely happy, and putting a plan together that will enable me to live 100% in that glory........ nothing less!

She has sparked my world inside!

Thank you to all of the people who show me that living your ultimate dreams, are not, in fact, just dreams.

It may take awhile, but so........Rome wasn't built in a day!

Where's my horse? I'm so outa here!

See you in the woods somewhere............

Gabriela

PREMONITIONS

Since I was a little girl, I have always had this keen sense about things. I would always think I was weird for thinking certain thoughts, and would often wonder WHY such thoughts? Why would all of a sudden I think about my moms friend, and walking into the kitchen saying, "Mom, I feel bad for Kim. She is going to go through a terrible divorce!"

My mom would say, "Honey, Kim is fine, why would you say such a thing?" And I would just tell her that she is going to be really sad, and maybe she (my mom) could hold her hand during this time.

Even though my mom would comment and say, honey, don't worry, Kim will be fine, she always, always, knew, somewhere in there, that I knew something that she didn't. Plus, for the fact, my mother was very much into the mysteries of life, life after death, reincarnation, angels, and all of the "occult" stuff. She, herself, was finely tuned in to a lot of things that were supernatural, and had a great, great sense of knowing about a lot of things, without them actually happening. As did my sister and one of my brothers. The 4 of us did share this knowing, on different levels. We all traipsed in and out of many mystical doorways, and acknowledge each others intuition about things, and I respect their input on a lot of things, that maybe they don't even have proof of, or any valid reasoning for saying some of the things they do, but innately, I get, that they.......get it, and maybe see some things that I don't.

Lately, I have been having so many premonitions about things, like I said earlier, that I have no idea why, and...... finding out, those premonitions are coming true, ten fold, right in front of my eyes. There was a period of time when I had allowed this phenomenon to play itself out in my life, because it was darn intriguing, and almost like playing chess, I had learned to fine tune it in many ways.
Well, when I started meditating, my teacher told me that those things were just not important, and to just let them pass on, like a dream. Interesting, because he used to tell us all the time, what premonitions he would have, I mean on a daily basis, like, don't take that flight, don't do this, or don't do that........ in retrospect, I see that they weren't premonitions at all. They were just more ways in which this man could control people, but that is a whole other story that hasn't even been let outa the bag yet, so................

back to my premonitions.

Within my deep interest in this new "thing", way back when, it had become such an interest that I had learned to figure out just how to keep that sense alive inside, and to be honest, it was helping me out in my own life, big time!

It's kind of like a hind site thing, only there was no hind site, because those instances or situations hadn't even happened yet.

Does this make sense or are you already thinking I am off my rocker?

It took a lot of focus and diligence to be able to see things as clearly as I wanted to, but it came to a certain point where I was seeing way too much, especially about other peoples lives, that I really had no interest in wanting to know. It came to me anyway, and I would see it, sort of like a film playing in my head, and watching someone else's life unfold before me. Some of these peoples lives were not pretty, some extremely sad, some incredibly disturbing, and some, just plain ol' regular everyday stuff, and regular lives being played out, but I still would see some of their personal lives, very clearly and say to myself, "What the hay, I really don't want to see so and so, doing..........that over there, or I really don't wanna know that they did that over there", and would want to shut it off, quickly, for that matter.

It was almost too much information to be filtered in this little brain, although, at this point, I really don't think THIS particular brain is all that small these days.

DATA..DATA...........DATA.............. automatic pilot..........as it is.............the computers we are!

So, again, this morning, I had this premonition, about someone I haven't seen in a very long time. It was a no nothing thought. This person is going to get married soon, and it isn't going to last, and she is going to experience some odd occurrences with this person.

That was right before I got up.

Sure enough..........no sooner did I get outa bed, the thoughts were getting stronger about my friend, and why?? I haven't seen her in about 10 years.

I finally get to my computer to do my regular stuff, and find that out of the blue, I get an email from this very friend, saying she was thinking of me, and to let me know that she is engaged to be married!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

At this point, I am not surprised at these things. I laughed and thought, it kinda makes me feel as if I am doing some good in a way. Not for anyone, but for myself.

I could be wrong but whenever I am very focused on making my life clear, taking care of my body, getting good rest, exercising, feeding myself what I need or what works for this little body, then things do become more crystal clear, and maybe, just maybe, it's a higher frequency kinda thing.

I know tons of people who don't believe in this, and I guarantee you, that the first five minutes this hits the ether's, I will get emails, (not comments on my blog, cuz people are afraid to state their opinions, which, is OK), but I will get flooded with emails.

This particular subject will get people riled.

WHATEVER GABRIELA!! Hocus Pocus, get your broom out, light your incense, stare in your crystal ball, have a seance.............. sacrifice a few frogs.............. ha ha, I kid you not, these are things people say to me when I even bring this kind of thing up, but then again, I don't roam very far, so........... I'll leave the rest of the sentence for you to figure out.

I love having conversations with people who get this way, and have experienced things themselves.
Back home, friends of family are keen and aware of this state.

Nevertheless, who cares what anyone says, I'm just saying............WOW!

It's happening a lot and it made me wonder if it really is that things are just getting fine tuned and that I may be tapping into something that has been there, but maybe I haven't been available to actually get the information being sent.

I really don't care about what others are doing in their lives, but then when, and if, it happens for me, in my life, and it could possibly be a tool for a mere guidepost, than hay............ send me the film, let me unravel it, and see it..............

I'll be glad to snub the person's information that is sitting in front of me. I really don't want to know what color underwear your wearing anyway..........and too.............. I might laugh and say, "Uh, it's time you bought a new pair of those anyway!"

Things happen in our lives that are so interesting. It is like chess. I might dabble a little, but the last thing I want is to be filtering more and more information in a head that already has too much going on, on a regular basis.

If I see it is a good thing, or a tool to use, than, yeah........let's get on that horse and ride it!!

I have no wish to tell someone about something, good or bad, that I happen to see. Now, if I see you winning the lottery, I'll tell you over coffee, and bribe you into sharing half, since my computer detected it from the get go, hahahahha.

Interesting, interesting, interesting.................

This is a subject I just love.

I'll let ya know if I see your ticket coming...............

Meet you at Starbucks!!

;)

STEERING YOURSELF ALONG

I purposely woke up early this morning. I am a huge advocate on people getting the rest they need, and for me, that is not always the case, so I decided to take a different approach. Not that I don't want to sleep 8 hours, but if it is going to be that difficult right now, with all of the things that I have to do, than....... you kind of always move toward step B.

I decided to start changing my way of eating, although it is pretty darn healthy to begin with. I started changing the times I eat, for the most part. Work is hard for that. Having foccaccia bread in every corner of the house doesn't make life easy for an Italian girl who wants to divorce herself from breads for awhile. It's not the "oh, it's fattening thing", at all, really. It's the....... I am going to eat this, and momentarily, it will feel good, but I know, I just know, that in one hour, I will be hitting the deck, and from there goes the spiral. More cravings start and the domino affect is in motion.

I am slowly going at my own pace, making some changes that are feeling pretty darn good. I have been making my own fresh juices everyday. Cut out some things that were weighing me down, mentally and physically, and replaced it with some live goods, the ones that just naturally feel good, and give you the energy that you need, no matter if you had 2 hours of sleep or 10.

It was a little hard getting up so early when I went to bed so late. I tried to go to bed at 11 but I had so much energy, I sat up and read, wrote a bunch, and still, at 2 am, I was wide eyed and bushy tailed.

It was ok though. I sat up reading some great stuff, wrote about my little plans for myself in the upcoming days, weeks, and well.........just sort of doing some planning that otherwise would be nestled in my notepad, and not in my memory for me to pull on when I ask, "what is it that I want?"

Things have already changed in the last week, internally, and physically, I feel really good. There are so many things I want to fine tune, and am kind of excited that a mental switch has happened, and it almost, ( I said almost) seems effortless right now to move forward.

Hmm, I just said that and thought, yea, it has taken you a whole year to get out of a mind set that came from going through a huge change, physically, mentally, and spiritually. In all corners of my life. Friends, family, acquaintances, co-workers, relationships, moving............ losses on all kinds of levels, and wow............... what a year!!

It's sort of like those cartoons that you see when they are overwhelmed and wondered what just hit them........they shake their head so fast and go............UUUUUYYYYYYYYYY YYYYYYYYYYYY!!! What the heck was that??? The look of bewilderment sits solid on their face, and you just have to laugh!

No matter what we go through, no matter how much support we get, inevitably, we have to dig our way out of whatever put us "under", and we have to find our own special way of molding our lives back to the way we know it to be. For everyone that will show up different, and things that we used to believe in, or maybe thought we believed in, gave us a change of heart, and now we are re-molding ourselves to maybe another part of ourselves that has been locked away, for one reason or the other. Maybe we were with someone that helped shape our thought process and we thought, hmmmm, this sounds good right about now, and we went with it. Well, that may have worked then, but now, doesn't seems to fit where you are these days.

Friends that were with you then, believed in the same thing, and maybe they still do now, but you don't. We all change, and we grow and hopefully are on our right path for what we want and what makes us ultimately happy.

I love to hear where people are at. It gives me time and room to sit back and really listen to another perspective. I love hearing how you think and why. I don't have to agree, or, I just might learn something from you that I never knew, or maybe your thoughts are something I now could use in my life. Who knows, but I do want the chance to listen to you, and what your heart sings, and why.

It amazes me how specific we really have to be in order to step up the process in getting what we want. Just thinking of one small desire I have, there are tons of tiny steps for me to get to that place. Ok, so here we go. Let's start now. What is one thing I can do today to get me that much closer to that thing over there?

I do know that whatever we truly want, we can achieve with a little bit of diligence and a clear heart and mind.

It may take a while to sort through some changes you might be going through, but like I said, no matter what, if you dig down deep enough and you really want to make a change, you will, alone, find that perfect way. There may be a million people telling you some pretty great things, some great formulas, and ways to get to the top of that mountain, but only you, can feel that, and move from that place inside, when you are good and ready.

I've learned, and am still learning, that we are NEVER trapped by situations. We are only trapped by the thoughts that we tell ourselves. Our own preconceived concepts.

I am learning too, that you cannot possibly change your circumstances without examining, or at least taking a peak, to start, at our own imprisoning beliefs. We'll just keep attracting the same damn things into our lives over and over and over again, without having gotten to the core of why it was there to begin with.

This is my passion right now.

I want to live a very different life than what has been in the past. Not that it hasn't been great in many ways, but I have a much different vision of how I would like the next chapter of my life to go.

I am steering myself along. I have had the sweetest angels come into my life, with a gentleness of spirit, words that have pushed me forward, and souls that were just meant to hold my hand while times were tough.

I feel extremely fortunate.

It is an amazing day out, and I wish, wish, I had more time to write, to tell about all of the incredible things that happened just on my walk this morning, but of course, time is of the essence and I am starting to clock watch.

Stay in touch with your goals and desires. Keep them so fresh in your mind. It's not the pie in the sky, the "when I win the lottery", the "I will someday".............IT'S THE.............. I WILL...................PLAN!

I WILL..................

SEE IT, FEEL IT, SMELL IT AND GO DAMN IT..................... GO AFTER IT.....................

Do one thing today, that gets you one step closer. Whatever it is.

Love is crazy today................. must be the juice ;)

Love you all,
I know you know that!

Gabriela

I FEEL SORRY FOR YOU.........

..........yes, you, the one who cannot bare to NOT make a comment that really could be left in the "better left unsaid" category.

Today, I had off, but went in tonight for a few hours to make gift baskets.

Of course I wasn't in my normal chef coat, black pants and baseball cap. I was in Gabriela garb, which plainly means, some jeans, sneakers, (tennis shoes for all of you Texans and Californians), and a simple top, no biggie, just me, comfortable, especially on a day off, going in at 8pm. Are you kidding, that is my grilling time, moon and star time, and scratch a few doggies bellies time........ DO NOT...........interrupt............................ RUUUUDE! (that is my interpretation of bon qui qui's stand up). I still laugh at that every time. (For those of you who don't know who Bon Qui Qui is, google Bon qui qui at King Burger).........she is hilarious!

Anyway, I go in, and low and frigin behold............. I should know better than to even let these comments filter in, even if they are "innocent" and whatever word that covers up inappropriate or just plain tactless.

"Hay Gabby"......... Why are you wearing such baggy jeans? You would look better in jeans that are tight! What's up with that? Why would someone like YOU, wear jeans that don't fit to your body?

Now, I will leave a tad bit of room for the ones who just have plain ol' opinions, but man, I do have to say............. I would never, in a million years tell someone, unless we were super close, and really, ONLY IF THEY ASKED, that something might look better on them than what ever they were wearing.

Would anyone ever take into account that these are my clothes that I obviously chose for a reason, and obviously, since I am wearing them that would mean that I PROBABLY LIKE THEM??!!

It baffles me, in my life, how so many people are "displeased" with, say, my hair, my lack of make-up, my baggy jeans, my this and my that. I can say that in all of my life, I have never, and I say never, have spent so much time on someone else and their dress, or hair, or make-up or however it is that they are made or not made up to be.

Is there some formula that says, "When being born into a girl body, this is what you wear."
"When being into a boy body, this is what you wear."

It's like when I was a kid, and I would always go to my Grandma's house in NY for the summer.
Well, I came home one summer only to find that my room ,and my brothers had been painted.

I shrieked with total disgust as I saw that my room was painted PINK! Oh my god, kill me now!!

You will never see Pink in my wardrobe. It is just not a color I gravitate toward. I was so mad that my brother got the "blue" room. Well, hay, pppssshhhh, he's a boy, OF COURSE HE IS GOING TO GET A ROOM PAINTED BLUE!"

The point is. Why, why, why, with all of the labels. To some, this may seem endearing. To me, it is a total lack of expansion.

C'mon guys, this is 2010!! Girls ride Harley's, and probably could kick all of your butts! Guys are wearing more feminine clothes than we do. They spend more time on their hair than I do. I mean, who the hell cares what you are wearing, and for what reason.

I see people all of the time that maybe aren't dressed to date, or maybe done up too much, or too little, or whatever, and I see it as an observation, but certainly I am not going to go right up to them and say, "For God's sake Steve, why in the hell would you dare to ever wear that?"

It just kills me!!

I don't know, for some odd reason, I always get the ones who love to make commentaries on my hair, clothing, shoes, pants, accessories, you name it.

No wonder I love coming home and just unveiling. My dogs could give a rats ass what I am dressed like, what necklace I chose for the day, or how long or short my hair is.

As if it changes me in some way.

"You know, that Gabriela, she just isn't what we thought she was." I mean, with those baggy pants an' all............ hhmmmmmm, it's too bad, I really liked her, but ........those pants.........they just have to go.

This is a huge subject, one that I can truly expound on, but will cut it short tonight.

You get the gist.

LET PEOPLE BE THEMSELVES!!

Maybe honor their individuality rather than making a comment that really just goes back to the way you feel about yourself anyway.

Maybe we should all take a peek into how we may judge others by appearance, no matter if it is someone having a tattoo, a piercing, or just plain ol' dressing like an individual with specific taste.

Before spouting off, or even making a judgement in your head, just STOP!

Take a 30 second breath and see why it is that you need to tell someone how the way they are dressed or made up affects you in such a way.

Maybe it is YOU, who needs to take a look at how you judge yourself, and the way that you may not be adhering to your own individuality.

Maybe you wish you could be more authentic, but can't because people may have certain opinions about you??

Hmmm, I don't know.

Take a little sneak peak. I'm curious to see what you find.

I have learned to appreciate all types of people. And actually, the ones that I am attracted to ARE THE ARTIST TYPES. The ones who dare to be a bit different. I'm not saying I don't have opinions, but that just means I have the choice to have or not have those things in my life.

Personally, I don't want 92 piercings, but if that is what floats your boat, go right on ahead. I'll feel your pain from here.

Recently a new friend saw me bend over and saw that I had a tattoo on my back. She said, "Oh, my God, Gabriela............ you are too pretty to have have that on your body".

I get the view from there, trust me, but it did make me chuckle and then, I showed her another tattoo that I had and she about fell off of her chair. "Gabriela............WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY?????"

I have always loved tattoos. End of story.

It is so hard for people to fathom, and too, it is a whole other thing, being on this end, always being looked at as if there is something wrong with you.

I know there isn't, but it still baffles me in how peoples ideas are still so "land of the lost", and not allowing.

I love my baggy pants. I also love my tattoos that were specifically picked for very deep reasons, and that is for ME, not for you........ I love my hair when it is short, and I love it when it is long............ I like my tight pants, my flannel shirts, my dressy shirts, my lack of skirts, my hippie clothes, my this and my that. Why, because...............I CAN!!

And so can you!

Go! Be yourself. Color your hair, shave it off, wear ripped jeans, get dressed up, do whatever the heck you want if you feel good doing it.

If I feel embarrassed to be your friend, I'll kindly let you know.

hahahah kidding.

I love you all no matter what!

We for sure, are all entitled to opinions. Maybe just some of the time, we can keep quiet about it.

Ask yourself, "Is it really necessary to speak right now?"

People are human, and........sensitive.

Be awake to that!

People will respect you.

All my love,
Gabriela

I CAN'T IMAGINE.........

.........at this point, how it would be to share my life with someone, especially when I see how I spend my time off, or alone, and what I get out of it. The time is so compartmentalized, so short, and sacred. It means everything to me, to have that time alone, to be with myself, and give it what it needs to replenish itself, to recharge my battery.

I do have to give kudos to the ones who can do it all, and come out smelling good! Who you are, I don't know............

Too often I see people in relationships totally compromising themselves, not giving themselves the time to look inside, at least to peer in. I'm not talking about going to therapy or making your life an introspective journey that excludes all fun and play. I couldn't do that, no way! The excluding all fun part... that is just a NO WAY statement............. now......I'm all for therapy, no matter what Y'all say.......... dare to go, ok? Just dare to go......and take a look at yourself. It's no play in the park, but good, nonetheless! I said, good, not fun, I'll be honest. It can hurt.

I just mean, well.......I go back to several of my relationships that were awesome. I love being with one person and doing all of the yummy things that go along with that, but it always seemed that there just was never enough time for the real goods! Not that the relationship wasn't "real goods", but it seemed to me that it was always a competition. Alone time versus "attending" to someone, and their needs, or just the normal things that come along with being with someone, balancing your likes, with their likes, then enter friends, entertainment, going out, versus wanting to be home, and just trying to balance... really. Wow, what an undertaking is what I say!

I commend the people who are TRULY happy, who are doing EVERYTHING that their soul wants and needs, while in a relationship. It takes courage to not give in to all of the subtleties that come along with considering another person.

Maybe it is just, again, a juggling act, trying to balance our needs with someone else's. Nevertheless, in all of our efforts, it IS DIFFICULT!

I was just sitting here thinking, Wow, how I love to NOT TALK. To just listen to my beautiful music, do my own thing, watch my animals, play with them, write poetry, watch the sunsets, and just move with life, inside and out, in a quiet manner, meanwhile, feeling and experiencing the depths of the inner soul, and what it says to me in these quiet, but productive moments.

It always seemed as if I was scurrying to get to this place, while intertwined with someone.

It always disappointed me, and I always thought, "Do people just go about their relationships as if this is what is SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN", and naturally forget about the ME, themselves, and from time to time, pan on times when they actually were content and happy, maybe fishing alone, or going hiking by themselves, or playing their guitar, or writing music, but now they don't because they have bills, and well............ playing guitar was something I did as a kid, but now I am a man so......... I have responsibilities, ya know. I CAN'T do that now!! Or, just that I am plainly in a relationship that consumes me, and well........ I haven't really thought about myself because................well.............. there just really isn't any time!

That just tears me apart inside.

I hear it everyday, and it sort of validates my decisions that I make, daily. I may be the black sheep in the crowd but with a lot of thought, I am happy here, for now. I cannot turn my head on myself. I've done that for too long.

I know this is totally a personal experience. Most people could care less about stuff I care about, so maybe it is just a personality thing. I truly don't judge, but I do think it is interesting how we all choose the things that we choose, call it "good" or "bad". I don't call it anything but individuality. Really, that is all it is, and I respect your way, and it always, without a doubt, intrigues me, and I like to know WHY you choose your specific path.

God, it screams documentary!!! I am so creatively stifled!!!!!!

There is an amazing documentary that I have seen. When I finished it, no, actually, while watching it, I was coming out of my skin, thinking, "THIS IS MY WORK", "THIS IS WHAT I WOULD DO OR MAKE OR DELVE INTO".

When I saw it I thought, "OH MY GOD", I have to tell so and so, and so and so......... it inspired me for the next 6 months to work on projects that are so incredibly laden with question, with self observed notions and thoughts that are valid, at least to me, valid reasoning why we are the way we are! The documentary is called 7-UP. Please, if you get the chance, rent it, and look at how we really do know who we are, from early on, and we never really do change, and if we do, it is out of an idea! An idea!

Shoot, maybe I should have become a therapist.............. my heart races with the passion for the whys and how's of why we are the way we are, and how we can actually turn the tables, in time, to not give in to probability, or any small thought, for that matter!

Where is my cigarette? ( kidding, I don't smoke)

This is all too passionate, and may I ask? Did I somehow veer from my original conversation? Let me see..............I CAN'T IMAGINE.............. is what I started with.

It does all tie in.

Being alone. Making time for this type of thought process.

I can't see doing this on 6th street while downing a few drinks and heading to the next bar.

Have fun, but I have some things to do.

I'm not saying I'll never meet up with ya, but there are always choices, and time tables, and perfect timing that includes my own intuition, that tells me............. DO IT NOW! DON'T WAIT!

Who knows, maybe I am one of those artist types that is never satisfied with the status quo. Not even an artist, but just one of those people who cannot bare to live how others see fit. The "norm" of society. One of those that will never be satisfied until it's vision is executed and there is a kind of calm in my system, knowing that I saw my vision through and it is out there for people to contemplate and to chew on, something other than what perpetuates the "norm" and helps others to see out of the proverbial "BOX".

THIS IS..............my alone time!

THIS IS WHAT I LOVE!

THIS IS.........SATIATING!

There is always going to be a choice in how we spend our time.
There are always going to be choices for us to look at all of our options and to weigh things out.

One thing that we may choose may not be a bad way of living, but we see how it will take some diligence, and effort. And then there is this over here that may seem more appealing. Maybe easier, less complicated.

Both will be appealing............ one may take more diligence than the other.

The great thing is........... that we have FREEDOM OF CHOICE. And really, neither one is right , or wrong.......... it will still take you to the land of OZ........... the yellow brick road may just extend itself for those of us who choose the longer path. No matter what, we still will always reach our destination!

You have the RIGHT..........YES..........YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO CHOOSE............. what it is, that you want in life, and to embark on that journey, no matter what!

Whether or not you are alone, or with someone, hopefully you will find the way to what is most true in your heart, to get the closest you can get to who you are, without any compromise, and to be able to live a happy and fulfilled life, without having to say ......"Damn....... I wish I would have, or could have................".

That not only saddens me for myself, to not go for the gold, in my own life, but for you too, whoever you are out there, that could possibly compromise your soul, for some fleeting, fleeting, moment in time, that would only satiate you for one moment, rather than a lifetime of richness, felt from the soul, inside and out.

May you truly express who you are, in whatever capacity it is that you are passionate about.

May that vehicle be your "escape" into a world of being who you are outside of what "is to be" and what is "not to not be." That WILL always........be the question!

I am so supportive........ till the end of time!

I love you,
beyond words!

Gabriela