I CAN'T IMAGINE.........

.........at this point, how it would be to share my life with someone, especially when I see how I spend my time off, or alone, and what I get out of it. The time is so compartmentalized, so short, and sacred. It means everything to me, to have that time alone, to be with myself, and give it what it needs to replenish itself, to recharge my battery.

I do have to give kudos to the ones who can do it all, and come out smelling good! Who you are, I don't know............

Too often I see people in relationships totally compromising themselves, not giving themselves the time to look inside, at least to peer in. I'm not talking about going to therapy or making your life an introspective journey that excludes all fun and play. I couldn't do that, no way! The excluding all fun part... that is just a NO WAY statement............. now......I'm all for therapy, no matter what Y'all say.......... dare to go, ok? Just dare to go......and take a look at yourself. It's no play in the park, but good, nonetheless! I said, good, not fun, I'll be honest. It can hurt.

I just mean, well.......I go back to several of my relationships that were awesome. I love being with one person and doing all of the yummy things that go along with that, but it always seemed that there just was never enough time for the real goods! Not that the relationship wasn't "real goods", but it seemed to me that it was always a competition. Alone time versus "attending" to someone, and their needs, or just the normal things that come along with being with someone, balancing your likes, with their likes, then enter friends, entertainment, going out, versus wanting to be home, and just trying to balance... really. Wow, what an undertaking is what I say!

I commend the people who are TRULY happy, who are doing EVERYTHING that their soul wants and needs, while in a relationship. It takes courage to not give in to all of the subtleties that come along with considering another person.

Maybe it is just, again, a juggling act, trying to balance our needs with someone else's. Nevertheless, in all of our efforts, it IS DIFFICULT!

I was just sitting here thinking, Wow, how I love to NOT TALK. To just listen to my beautiful music, do my own thing, watch my animals, play with them, write poetry, watch the sunsets, and just move with life, inside and out, in a quiet manner, meanwhile, feeling and experiencing the depths of the inner soul, and what it says to me in these quiet, but productive moments.

It always seemed as if I was scurrying to get to this place, while intertwined with someone.

It always disappointed me, and I always thought, "Do people just go about their relationships as if this is what is SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN", and naturally forget about the ME, themselves, and from time to time, pan on times when they actually were content and happy, maybe fishing alone, or going hiking by themselves, or playing their guitar, or writing music, but now they don't because they have bills, and well............ playing guitar was something I did as a kid, but now I am a man so......... I have responsibilities, ya know. I CAN'T do that now!! Or, just that I am plainly in a relationship that consumes me, and well........ I haven't really thought about myself because................well.............. there just really isn't any time!

That just tears me apart inside.

I hear it everyday, and it sort of validates my decisions that I make, daily. I may be the black sheep in the crowd but with a lot of thought, I am happy here, for now. I cannot turn my head on myself. I've done that for too long.

I know this is totally a personal experience. Most people could care less about stuff I care about, so maybe it is just a personality thing. I truly don't judge, but I do think it is interesting how we all choose the things that we choose, call it "good" or "bad". I don't call it anything but individuality. Really, that is all it is, and I respect your way, and it always, without a doubt, intrigues me, and I like to know WHY you choose your specific path.

God, it screams documentary!!! I am so creatively stifled!!!!!!

There is an amazing documentary that I have seen. When I finished it, no, actually, while watching it, I was coming out of my skin, thinking, "THIS IS MY WORK", "THIS IS WHAT I WOULD DO OR MAKE OR DELVE INTO".

When I saw it I thought, "OH MY GOD", I have to tell so and so, and so and so......... it inspired me for the next 6 months to work on projects that are so incredibly laden with question, with self observed notions and thoughts that are valid, at least to me, valid reasoning why we are the way we are! The documentary is called 7-UP. Please, if you get the chance, rent it, and look at how we really do know who we are, from early on, and we never really do change, and if we do, it is out of an idea! An idea!

Shoot, maybe I should have become a therapist.............. my heart races with the passion for the whys and how's of why we are the way we are, and how we can actually turn the tables, in time, to not give in to probability, or any small thought, for that matter!

Where is my cigarette? ( kidding, I don't smoke)

This is all too passionate, and may I ask? Did I somehow veer from my original conversation? Let me see..............I CAN'T IMAGINE.............. is what I started with.

It does all tie in.

Being alone. Making time for this type of thought process.

I can't see doing this on 6th street while downing a few drinks and heading to the next bar.

Have fun, but I have some things to do.

I'm not saying I'll never meet up with ya, but there are always choices, and time tables, and perfect timing that includes my own intuition, that tells me............. DO IT NOW! DON'T WAIT!

Who knows, maybe I am one of those artist types that is never satisfied with the status quo. Not even an artist, but just one of those people who cannot bare to live how others see fit. The "norm" of society. One of those that will never be satisfied until it's vision is executed and there is a kind of calm in my system, knowing that I saw my vision through and it is out there for people to contemplate and to chew on, something other than what perpetuates the "norm" and helps others to see out of the proverbial "BOX".

THIS IS..............my alone time!

THIS IS WHAT I LOVE!

THIS IS.........SATIATING!

There is always going to be a choice in how we spend our time.
There are always going to be choices for us to look at all of our options and to weigh things out.

One thing that we may choose may not be a bad way of living, but we see how it will take some diligence, and effort. And then there is this over here that may seem more appealing. Maybe easier, less complicated.

Both will be appealing............ one may take more diligence than the other.

The great thing is........... that we have FREEDOM OF CHOICE. And really, neither one is right , or wrong.......... it will still take you to the land of OZ........... the yellow brick road may just extend itself for those of us who choose the longer path. No matter what, we still will always reach our destination!

You have the RIGHT..........YES..........YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO CHOOSE............. what it is, that you want in life, and to embark on that journey, no matter what!

Whether or not you are alone, or with someone, hopefully you will find the way to what is most true in your heart, to get the closest you can get to who you are, without any compromise, and to be able to live a happy and fulfilled life, without having to say ......"Damn....... I wish I would have, or could have................".

That not only saddens me for myself, to not go for the gold, in my own life, but for you too, whoever you are out there, that could possibly compromise your soul, for some fleeting, fleeting, moment in time, that would only satiate you for one moment, rather than a lifetime of richness, felt from the soul, inside and out.

May you truly express who you are, in whatever capacity it is that you are passionate about.

May that vehicle be your "escape" into a world of being who you are outside of what "is to be" and what is "not to not be." That WILL always........be the question!

I am so supportive........ till the end of time!

I love you,
beyond words!

Gabriela