I HAVE FOUND A PLACE

I have found a place inside that is so amazing! A place that has come from a diligent nurturing. One that encompasses everything, big, small, sad, joyful, traumatic, places that hurt, that make you turn inside out............ places that elate you, and make you feel every kind of emotion there is.

Within it all, I have secured a seat within myself, and am finding that my life is neutralizing, sort of coming to a very fine balance, inside, no matter what is happening on the outside.

It's funny, because I spent many,many years with a spiritual teacher, that taught us this very same thing but really, we weren't actually living in those experiences so much as now. Then we were secluded from real life, and didn't have as much hands on to work with. It was like living in a false bubble, yet, the teachings were potent, valid, and still, I adhere to the ones I know in my heart ring true.
I am starting to really see, especially getting older, with death, the realities of disease, illness of all kinds, aging, even with our pets, and you sit back and watch life unfolding. Even if it is sad, it is still a phenomenon to watch, like witnessing a child being born into this world.

That still has to be one of the biggest phenomenons for me, and yet, we live our lives, so carefree, doing this and that, and there is life, one more year, two more years, then 40 years later, you begin to start noticing all of the nuances, the many things that led up to where you are now, and how you formed your life according to what you thought was right, or maybe not so right.

We freely let out emotions get to us, or take us over without thinking that we actually have a choice in how that goes.

I'm not saying that with the inevitable, like death, or any kind of loss, that we will not feel that, or that we shouldn't feel it, by any means. That to me, IS PART OF LIFE. What I am becoming more and more aware of is that there is a seat, way on the sidelines that we can sit in, to still be a part of life, and feel our sorrows, our pains, our glories, our losses, our victories, and find a place that doesn't make us feel soooooo high, or soooooooo low that we begin to believe that we cannot find a happiness without the "good things", and when the "bad" things happen, we cannot find a peaceful or joyful feeling amidst those situations.

Again, and again, I will never forget standing next to my mothers bed, before she passed, and she saw how incredibly sad I was, and all she said to me was, "honey, this is part of life".

I pan back on that everyday and realize that within any situation that is handed to me, I can find the gems, the good things to see, or look at, instead of how wrong a situation is, or how sad, or traumatic, or whatever the emotion may be.

I can grieve, as I want to come full circle with everything in my life, but it really IS.........ALL GOOD!

We may have to go through a lot of growing pains to get there, but all I know is that within my little vortex of a life, I have found the sweetest spot to camp out in, to nurture, more and more, the realness, in the complexities of this life, and to make it light, as much as I can, to find happiness within every given situation. And, if I somehow can't, then I know life will throw me an angel or two to find it again.

They of course are all around, so keep your eyes open if you can't get there yourself.

More so......... find your own little angel inside.............

I am here.

Love to you,
as always,
Gabriela