Ya know, everyday, for me, is pretty incredible. No lie! No matter what is going on in my crazy life, it must be meant that I accept this grand, grand love, for what it is, and just move past all of the so called barriers that would normally set us aside from the smaller things, you know, those tiny little things that actually make our moments, and our days. Even if it is for a split second, we get the opportunity to feel something soooooooo great, really.......from watching a squirrel, or a blade of grass, or the morning dew that sits before you. The quiet of the morning, before life actually starts, the tiny little insect that just crawled over your heart rock sitting on your railing, and you see, if you want to, the correlation in it all, how if we choose to see and feel love, we can......we really can!
I have had an extended period of time off from work, that seems unusually long. It really isn't, it is just that it has been 2 consecutive days, rather than one here, and one there.
I usually plan some things to do, you know, catching up with our daily lives, simple things, and too, maybe one night with a friend or something like that, to feel somewhat human, and to maybe get out and do something "normal" like go out to eat, or see a movie......... but, that winds up being extremely rare, out of total choice. I have been delving into my books, and writing so much, (not my blog), and really, just observing life, outside of what I do for a living, and also, observing life outside of my own minds view, and allowing myself to naturally gravitate to what it is that I love, and I have to tell you........this week, especially, I have experienced such a grandeur....... that I don't know if I can even express what it is that has satisfied me so much. I mean I can come up with some words, but they would wind up being so inadequate for me, and I'd look at it saying" Why on earth did I even try?" It would wind up sounding like every one of my blogs, everyday, that loves nature, loves silence, and loves animals, and like many say about me, the hippie - ness of Gabriela.
Maybe it does sound hippie, so be it! That's cool, I guess!
I spoke to an ex lover of mine who knows me well, in some respects. It has been quite some time now, maybe years.
It was the first time in a very long time, that I have spoken to someone who has gotten my language.
I am not willing to compromise who I am or what I am wanting to achieve, spiritually, or outwardly just to fit in, or make things seem somewhat "normal".
Therefore, I have lovingly secluded myself to my own little world, outside of work, and have created a vortex that only supports the highest realm of existence in what I believe to be true, and supportive of living a life that is of service to the needy, of help to those who need support, in whatever arena, and that will enable me to stay strong within, while giving, without.
I have come to truly love my little life, outside of Gabriela, at work, whatever that looks like, and am so humbled by that existence, so utterly different from what it all seems.
I usually cannot wait to get home, to "disrobe" and to settle into my quiet environment, so full of innocence, my animals that speak to me in such a language that I completely understand, and to get back to the place I left before going to work...........
The integration is a process that I am learning to accept, and to try to work into my world, but I would be lying if I didn't say that it was, or is, a sad process. To go from one extreme to another!
You can say, "Yes, I will integrate this at work", but the truth is, right now, it is so much homework to be able to access this place, in, a place, like I work, and with, the type of persona's.
I am not out to change everyone, and everything...........really, not in the least.
It is an interesting process. I take it for what it is.
I do know that we are in certain places and times, for a reason.
I use what I can, to my advantage.
I think I will always be the one who tries to go for the Gold, even if the Gold, seems no where in sight.
Sometimes I do wonder.... really do wonder, why we are here, and how we are to be who we are so passionately crazy about, amist the fog.............
All I know, is that we are here for a reason, to make good things happen, and to put our best foot forward into creating a life that is more risky, more parallel to making things happen, as opposed to waiting for them to happen.
We are the change that we want to see, right? Right?
~
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