Today was so genuinely organic, and so incredibly full of life, that I feel like I want to bust out of my skin.
From the moment that I went into work, I did my little scan of the restaurant to see where things were at, scope out all of the ins and outs, and then, to my surprise, was my friend Fran, who lives in Fredricksburg. I literally ran across the dining room to hug her, that is how excited I was to see her. I met her at our other store, way back. She and her sister Roxy came in, and we, clicked right away. Yes, they are Italian, but that is not why, although, I do have to say........ (which is why the start of my work day was so special), people of like mind, connect, and in certain cultures and heritages, you glom onto the lingo, the language, and the LOVE, the genuine love that pours through your veins. Why? Because you are who you are, love where you come from, and share a kinship with like minded souls, who are proud of their heritage.
Fran and I talked about food, family, her sister who is going through cancer, and has been, being alone, animals, food, love for food, g......darn it.............. the love, the absolute LOVE, of our heritage, our food at our restaurant, the passion of eating it, bringing leftovers home to familia, coming back, again, and again, because, there is a love there, genuine love for our culture, our food, and the warmth that goes along with loving things in the way that we were brought up.
We talked about being in Italy, and how we hated to come home. How we could so sweetly taste the feeling of being in Italy, even though we didn't know a lick of the language, we remembered, back in time, of our family, trying to tell us how to speak the language, but were too little to care, and now could kick ourselves in the ass for not listening.
We cried telling stories of our families, the love of our heritage, and the passion that goes along with just frigin cooking food. Don't laugh. Food is in our blood. Shoot, when she came in she said, "You don't have my Lupini beans do ya?" I looked at her and I said, "Are you kidding me?" You stay right here.
I know what it is like to ask for something that you want, cuz you just can't get it anywhere else. We are an Italian market, I'm gonna get you any bean you want.
She was surprised that I had her Lupini beans. She got her Lupini beans!
I didn't even ask her what she was going to do with them............ slap me...............
Anyway guys, this is the rich stuff. The stuff that I would rather talk about than going to the nearest bar, who is dating who, what movie is playing and such.
My day and night was filled with this at work, and I have to say, I was flying high.
To be able to take care of people, share my love of my culture, give, talk about food, watch them eat food, good food at that, and leave full and satiated. I love that soooooooooooooo much! OK, so I am Italian, but you know what? Just as a person, I enjoy watching people enjoy themselves.
I am not a hard sell person who likes to sell things for money, or just for the fact that I can. I brought so many bottles of wine to tables because those wines are AMAZING and I've had them, and they are a MUST....... because they are so good. They are Italian, they have a story, they have a very specific taste, and they go with some amazing food that we make and care a whole hell of a lot about................ I do!
Obviously this is not a commercial, or some ad, (although it did sound like that), to sell our restaurant.
It does well on it's own.
I am happy to be me. Italian, without a doubt. Can I say that again? I am HAPPY FOR MY HERITAGE!! I LOVE BEING ITALIAN, I LOVE MY ROOTS, AND I LOVE OUR PASSION FOR FOOD, FOR WINE, FOR TOGETHERNESS, AND FOR LAUGHING FROM OUR GUTS.
We do laugh at ourselves a lot. We are funny...........I mean, really.......we are!
We love to love, and if we can possibly serve you, make you feel at home, drink some good wine, and relax into an atmosphere that is loving, full of life, full of laughter, and great, great food, that is so passionately made from love, we will be happy, happy campers.
By all means, let us tell a joke or two............. let us laugh at ourselves a bit, and hug you more than you feel like being hugged, and I am sure, things will be A OK for us.
It doesn't take much.
And for you? You might think it too much to be loved by an Italian, but I will tell you this.
We are kind, gentle, loving souls, who just want to feed you, make sure you are full, satiated, and , not just this, but want to know for sure, that what we cooked for you was the best you have ever had.
Most of all, we want to know that you felt loved!
I guess I will just talk about myself.
If, like tonight, you feel full, you are laughing, had a few good glasses of Montepulciano, some good dessert or gelato, and an ass kickin' espresso, than you are soooooooooooooo good to go.
If you happen to get a huge hug at the door, than you probably don't want to go to any other restaurant, but ours.............. ain't nobody doin that anywhere else...........trust me..............I do get out!
I guess I wrote tonight just wanting to say how grateful I am for liking people. Today was full of life, interaction with people and listening to what they want.
I dig that............
People aren't as bad as they seem.
It is a true art form to WANT TO LISTEN............ TO WANT TO GIVE............ACCOMMODATE............ and accept people for who they are...........Italian or not!
It was a great night for me.
I guess I have to bring myself back to reality.
Did I save on labor?
An inside comment I have to acclimate to.
It's all about balance right?
I am here for a reason.
I................am....................learning....................
and am grateful.
Today? A good, good day!
Thank you for letting me ramble about my heritage.
I needed that!
And...............maybe...............so did you???
Gnite and sweet dreams.
Dream of love,
of being around good people, good food, and wine.
If nothing else............... THAT will always be available...............pssshhh, at least the wine and food anyway..........THAT we can bank on....................
I love you!
Gabriela
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Saturday, January 30, 2010
YOU KNOW WHEN YOU KNOW
I love knowing when your intuition is so keen, and things are just as you feel they are. Not as you THINK, let me get that straight, because my thinking is way different than my intuition, for sure.
My intuition usually tells me what is happening, even if it doesn't show it's true colors for one reason or another. The body, to me, never tells a lie.
It is like walking into a store, or anywhere, and feeling that something isn't quite right, and it is a very specific feeling, but there is no solid evidence that would equate to your intuitive feeling, so, most times, people just pawn those feelings off, as" ahhhhhh, I'm not sure why I felt that way", and ignore it.........yet............there is an energy telling you something very, very, different.
I think that we, as a whole, are not quite caught up to the power of our intuition, and there is so much of an intelligence, wasted. I think we could be so much more productive, if we all took the time to get to know what intuition means, and how it relates in our world, and to ourselves.
We could X out so much of that second guessing, get to gettin' with our jobs, our desires, cut through the "should and shouldn'ts" and make way for better relationships, conducive relating, rather than ones we will wind up spending the next 6-10 years on, when, really, we know darn well, that was just a lusty attraction that turned to comfort, or a vulnerable moment in time that we very specifically needed, but in the long run, know that yes, it is better off just the way it is.
There are so many things that we can cut through, if we are just honest enough with ourselves, and can handle the honesty that comes along with seeing ourselves and how we relate to the outside world.
Being intuitive doesn't always mean, "Ahh, yes, this is good"............. you can be intuitive, and foresee something not so great. The idea, though, is to become good at recognizing the good, the bad, and the ugly, to be able to discern what feels a certain way, and for it to guide you in ways that are good for you, or, maybe it is just a path for learning, who knows. But, nevertheless, you know, when you know.
People sometimes shop around for people to tell them what they think, how they see things, and what they should do in certain situations, but really, THEY KNOW, DARN IT...........THEY KNOW.
I do. I can actually say that in some situations, I know what is best, and then I know what actually feels better, as opposed to doing what is "right", or listening to my intuition that tells me from the get go............."Gabriela"........... please don't do that again............ I mean.............PLEASE, IT YELLS!!
I have to adhere, I really do!
There is a situation that is happening, a good ol' pattern that rears it's ugly head time and time again, and it can seem oh so sweet and good, and then my INTUITION says............... I'll buy 10 of those red flags please!!!
And there sits Gabriela with one foot in, and one foot out................. excited at adventure, and then wary from the past.
God, this is a long subject.
Another, "To be continued"...............
A friend once said, " Just know at the first kiss"............. just don't do the first kiss.............
and all will be good"...........
Metaphorically speaking.............
The nectar is always tantalizing.............
Therein lies the homework!
Until we meet again...........
gabriela
My intuition usually tells me what is happening, even if it doesn't show it's true colors for one reason or another. The body, to me, never tells a lie.
It is like walking into a store, or anywhere, and feeling that something isn't quite right, and it is a very specific feeling, but there is no solid evidence that would equate to your intuitive feeling, so, most times, people just pawn those feelings off, as" ahhhhhh, I'm not sure why I felt that way", and ignore it.........yet............there is an energy telling you something very, very, different.
I think that we, as a whole, are not quite caught up to the power of our intuition, and there is so much of an intelligence, wasted. I think we could be so much more productive, if we all took the time to get to know what intuition means, and how it relates in our world, and to ourselves.
We could X out so much of that second guessing, get to gettin' with our jobs, our desires, cut through the "should and shouldn'ts" and make way for better relationships, conducive relating, rather than ones we will wind up spending the next 6-10 years on, when, really, we know darn well, that was just a lusty attraction that turned to comfort, or a vulnerable moment in time that we very specifically needed, but in the long run, know that yes, it is better off just the way it is.
There are so many things that we can cut through, if we are just honest enough with ourselves, and can handle the honesty that comes along with seeing ourselves and how we relate to the outside world.
Being intuitive doesn't always mean, "Ahh, yes, this is good"............. you can be intuitive, and foresee something not so great. The idea, though, is to become good at recognizing the good, the bad, and the ugly, to be able to discern what feels a certain way, and for it to guide you in ways that are good for you, or, maybe it is just a path for learning, who knows. But, nevertheless, you know, when you know.
People sometimes shop around for people to tell them what they think, how they see things, and what they should do in certain situations, but really, THEY KNOW, DARN IT...........THEY KNOW.
I do. I can actually say that in some situations, I know what is best, and then I know what actually feels better, as opposed to doing what is "right", or listening to my intuition that tells me from the get go............."Gabriela"........... please don't do that again............ I mean.............PLEASE, IT YELLS!!
I have to adhere, I really do!
There is a situation that is happening, a good ol' pattern that rears it's ugly head time and time again, and it can seem oh so sweet and good, and then my INTUITION says............... I'll buy 10 of those red flags please!!!
And there sits Gabriela with one foot in, and one foot out................. excited at adventure, and then wary from the past.
God, this is a long subject.
Another, "To be continued"...............
A friend once said, " Just know at the first kiss"............. just don't do the first kiss.............
and all will be good"...........
Metaphorically speaking.............
The nectar is always tantalizing.............
Therein lies the homework!
Until we meet again...........
gabriela
Friday, January 29, 2010
SORTING THROUGH..........
.........what is "supposed" to be, and what IS........INSIDE!
You know, when I am by myself, thinking my own thoughts, I am in such a heaven. My thoughts are very alone-ish, meaning, the things that I think of are generally done alone, paving a way, of sorts, for a different kind of life, outside of the norm that we see on a regular every day basis.
Yet, I am involved with that everyday living, and to use the little bit of time that I do have, to find out what exactly it is in that alone time that makes it so different, examine what it is that I think will work so differently, not just for me, but for the human race, the good of people, and for some higher, intellectual, meaning to this existence, something outside of ourselves that we can grasp onto, and feasibly use everyday, without seeming like weirdo's, or seeming like we are in a cult, or group, or some old ex hippie who has smoked too much pot in their lifetime.
How about just some person who wants to do good, mend deeds from the past, move forward in a world that isn't so pleasant to the heart at times, and take what is given and make it grand, from an inner view, rather than a pessimistic eye that sees how gross and grim the world can be.
There is so much to this life, but finding the key to stay grateful, to always see the beauty amongst the muck, and to stay your own complete individual, without compromising because EVERYONE ELSE THINKS A CERTAIN WAY, is a huge hurdle...........really, it is. To just be you, amongst a land of opinions??? Go ahead, I commend you, and support you whole hearted!
How to do all of that, without the should's and shouldn'ts, to stay true to ourselves, even if no one in near sight feels like you do, wants to do the things that you do, act as you do, and most things that you want to do, no one else wants to do. Wow.......... who the heck am I for traipsing along my own road??
I hear there are people that feel as I do, and, I have experienced people in my life, at one time, who did like all of the things that I like, and share how I feel, but kind of see that they spent many, many years doing that, and now, have gone the opposite extreme, and are living their lives in a very different way. That is OK.
I don't feel as austere these days. I do many things that I didn't years ago, when I did live in the should and shouldn't world. God was that like living in a straight jacket. Adhering to rules that I just didn't believe in, but adhered to them out of ignorance, but did learn, hay, this just isn't my style. Again, I was alone in leaving those ways, and went on my way, to find out just how my heart ticked, and why, and felt amazing unturning every stone, every desire, and what it all meant in my evolution.
I am very liberal, loving of people, no matter what they choose, and have no judgements on how others live. As a matter of fact, it feels good to embrace every aspect of peoples choices, why they choose it, if they feel like victims, if they don't........... what their political views are, choice of partners, why, ...... I mean the list goes on. I want to know about everyone and the why's and how's. I can't say I actually want to be that person that helps anyone in need, because that is a huge statement, with no boundaries attached........ I've been there! Those boundaries are not in solid form yet. I am a work in progress, but nonetheless, am devoted to seeing it all, blown up, and spread out for me to see in big colors.
My heart wants to help everyone, and do anything I can to help, in any way, shape or form, but life has shown me that in order for me to help in the world, I have to help me, heal whatever it is that needs to be healed, and have some sort of distance and detachment to whatever it is that I seem to want to embrace so fully, to help, or guide along.
This is huge, and I am not there, so I continue to work on myself, heal the different parts of me that need so, so much, love, and in the meantime, take my chances, and do the things that I think are OK in my book to help where it may be needed, in hopes that I won't lose myself along the way.
It would be so amazing and such a turn on to say I am leaving......... on my own, and walk into the woods and never return, but thus far, it doesn't seem to be the top notch answer for many, many reasons............most times, not to my liking.
I am like two people. One big fat socialite, who wants to make sure everyone is OK, taken care of, fed, warm, has what they need, and god, really anything that would make a person feel ultimately comfortable, and loved.
On the other hand, I love to be alone, and to drown myself in a reality that just doesn't happen outside of my kitchen door.
On my days off, it is almost like fighting a bull to get me to go out, to do something outside of what I think will satiate my hunger for something that I know I will never get, if, I don't do what I think that certain thing is.
I've been wrong, and have seen that sometimes I get just as much doing the very thing I thought would NOT give me the "goods", as when I stayed at home, doing all of the things that I know satiate that desire.
I know that was a mouthful, and maybe confusing, but the point is............... with everything considered, I think we all know what is good for us, and what makes us feel ultimately happy, OUTSIDE OF the SHOULD AND SHOULDN'TS.
I am trying to pave a very difficult road, one that is outside of the norm, and there "ain't much support" trying to pave this road. I am determined, but don't want to close my ears off to others ideas, or even opinions, about what they see, or feel, or notice about it.
I am an open book, and am so passionate about this life, and what I am painting on my canvas. It takes a lot of diligence, and mostly, self assurance and clarity, that this actually is OK, whatever it is that I am thinking, and to just go, and do, and damn, if I never try it, and just stay in fear, than how the heck will I ever know if I ever failed or succeeded??? Don't try, don't learn, right?
I'm sorting through.............
It can hurt, feel awesome, shedding skin, learning, discovering, and setting some wet concrete down, hopefully with the right formula that will set some good stuff in stone.
I would like to pave the way for something grand.......something new and refreshing, something 2010, easy to grip, easy to formulate, and comfortable to talk about over tea, not just in a temple of sorts.
God, I have so much to say..............
This is no hidden formula or secret.............
It goes back to my opinion about life, and people, and everyday life................ it carries it's weight in Gold.................. and it is...............
APPROACH IS EVERYTHING!! There is a way to reach people............... it is an art form!
When you think about that statement, you will probably come up with a million ways to apply it in your life.
Approach your life, the way you want to be approached, and what I can tell so far, is that, if I approach my life, with the amount of thought, and love, that I give out, I should be damn good for the rest of my living life.
Approach life with the utmost care and love.................and.......to yourself!
Everything I tell you, I'm telling myself.
This is a WE thing.................. no one better.
I love being a student................
and I will never stop being one!
Thank you all for being my teachers!
I love you so much, and am grateful beyond words.
Goodnight.
Gabriela
You know, when I am by myself, thinking my own thoughts, I am in such a heaven. My thoughts are very alone-ish, meaning, the things that I think of are generally done alone, paving a way, of sorts, for a different kind of life, outside of the norm that we see on a regular every day basis.
Yet, I am involved with that everyday living, and to use the little bit of time that I do have, to find out what exactly it is in that alone time that makes it so different, examine what it is that I think will work so differently, not just for me, but for the human race, the good of people, and for some higher, intellectual, meaning to this existence, something outside of ourselves that we can grasp onto, and feasibly use everyday, without seeming like weirdo's, or seeming like we are in a cult, or group, or some old ex hippie who has smoked too much pot in their lifetime.
How about just some person who wants to do good, mend deeds from the past, move forward in a world that isn't so pleasant to the heart at times, and take what is given and make it grand, from an inner view, rather than a pessimistic eye that sees how gross and grim the world can be.
There is so much to this life, but finding the key to stay grateful, to always see the beauty amongst the muck, and to stay your own complete individual, without compromising because EVERYONE ELSE THINKS A CERTAIN WAY, is a huge hurdle...........really, it is. To just be you, amongst a land of opinions??? Go ahead, I commend you, and support you whole hearted!
How to do all of that, without the should's and shouldn'ts, to stay true to ourselves, even if no one in near sight feels like you do, wants to do the things that you do, act as you do, and most things that you want to do, no one else wants to do. Wow.......... who the heck am I for traipsing along my own road??
I hear there are people that feel as I do, and, I have experienced people in my life, at one time, who did like all of the things that I like, and share how I feel, but kind of see that they spent many, many years doing that, and now, have gone the opposite extreme, and are living their lives in a very different way. That is OK.
I don't feel as austere these days. I do many things that I didn't years ago, when I did live in the should and shouldn't world. God was that like living in a straight jacket. Adhering to rules that I just didn't believe in, but adhered to them out of ignorance, but did learn, hay, this just isn't my style. Again, I was alone in leaving those ways, and went on my way, to find out just how my heart ticked, and why, and felt amazing unturning every stone, every desire, and what it all meant in my evolution.
I am very liberal, loving of people, no matter what they choose, and have no judgements on how others live. As a matter of fact, it feels good to embrace every aspect of peoples choices, why they choose it, if they feel like victims, if they don't........... what their political views are, choice of partners, why, ...... I mean the list goes on. I want to know about everyone and the why's and how's. I can't say I actually want to be that person that helps anyone in need, because that is a huge statement, with no boundaries attached........ I've been there! Those boundaries are not in solid form yet. I am a work in progress, but nonetheless, am devoted to seeing it all, blown up, and spread out for me to see in big colors.
My heart wants to help everyone, and do anything I can to help, in any way, shape or form, but life has shown me that in order for me to help in the world, I have to help me, heal whatever it is that needs to be healed, and have some sort of distance and detachment to whatever it is that I seem to want to embrace so fully, to help, or guide along.
This is huge, and I am not there, so I continue to work on myself, heal the different parts of me that need so, so much, love, and in the meantime, take my chances, and do the things that I think are OK in my book to help where it may be needed, in hopes that I won't lose myself along the way.
It would be so amazing and such a turn on to say I am leaving......... on my own, and walk into the woods and never return, but thus far, it doesn't seem to be the top notch answer for many, many reasons............most times, not to my liking.
I am like two people. One big fat socialite, who wants to make sure everyone is OK, taken care of, fed, warm, has what they need, and god, really anything that would make a person feel ultimately comfortable, and loved.
On the other hand, I love to be alone, and to drown myself in a reality that just doesn't happen outside of my kitchen door.
On my days off, it is almost like fighting a bull to get me to go out, to do something outside of what I think will satiate my hunger for something that I know I will never get, if, I don't do what I think that certain thing is.
I've been wrong, and have seen that sometimes I get just as much doing the very thing I thought would NOT give me the "goods", as when I stayed at home, doing all of the things that I know satiate that desire.
I know that was a mouthful, and maybe confusing, but the point is............... with everything considered, I think we all know what is good for us, and what makes us feel ultimately happy, OUTSIDE OF the SHOULD AND SHOULDN'TS.
I am trying to pave a very difficult road, one that is outside of the norm, and there "ain't much support" trying to pave this road. I am determined, but don't want to close my ears off to others ideas, or even opinions, about what they see, or feel, or notice about it.
I am an open book, and am so passionate about this life, and what I am painting on my canvas. It takes a lot of diligence, and mostly, self assurance and clarity, that this actually is OK, whatever it is that I am thinking, and to just go, and do, and damn, if I never try it, and just stay in fear, than how the heck will I ever know if I ever failed or succeeded??? Don't try, don't learn, right?
I'm sorting through.............
It can hurt, feel awesome, shedding skin, learning, discovering, and setting some wet concrete down, hopefully with the right formula that will set some good stuff in stone.
I would like to pave the way for something grand.......something new and refreshing, something 2010, easy to grip, easy to formulate, and comfortable to talk about over tea, not just in a temple of sorts.
God, I have so much to say..............
This is no hidden formula or secret.............
It goes back to my opinion about life, and people, and everyday life................ it carries it's weight in Gold.................. and it is...............
APPROACH IS EVERYTHING!! There is a way to reach people............... it is an art form!
When you think about that statement, you will probably come up with a million ways to apply it in your life.
Approach your life, the way you want to be approached, and what I can tell so far, is that, if I approach my life, with the amount of thought, and love, that I give out, I should be damn good for the rest of my living life.
Approach life with the utmost care and love.................and.......to yourself!
Everything I tell you, I'm telling myself.
This is a WE thing.................. no one better.
I love being a student................
and I will never stop being one!
Thank you all for being my teachers!
I love you so much, and am grateful beyond words.
Goodnight.
Gabriela
Thursday, January 28, 2010
GO BEYOND .......
your own idea of things,
and let something grand
settle in.
Take a moment
to see the difference.
There,
is one!
YOUR IDEAS
and
something
beyond
our
comprehension.
I want
the beyond
part.
It always
seems to
shake my
little world
up
and bring me
to a
place of
unnerving
reassurance.
That sounds
like an
oxy moron
and
maybe
it is
but........
the UNKNOWN
IS
UNNERVING
BUT
IT WORKS.
Tugging and screaming
go along with it
but don't mind it,
it goes away fast.
Trust in the process.
It's a crazy ride,
but someone,
someone,
has to do it!
~
and let something grand
settle in.
Take a moment
to see the difference.
There,
is one!
YOUR IDEAS
and
something
beyond
our
comprehension.
I want
the beyond
part.
It always
seems to
shake my
little world
up
and bring me
to a
place of
unnerving
reassurance.
That sounds
like an
oxy moron
and
maybe
it is
but........
the UNKNOWN
IS
UNNERVING
BUT
IT WORKS.
Tugging and screaming
go along with it
but don't mind it,
it goes away fast.
Trust in the process.
It's a crazy ride,
but someone,
someone,
has to do it!
~
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
WATCHING THE TIDES OF THE PAST........
roll in..........
I am grateful that I have been able to be objective enough to sift through a lot of old patterns, to see how they "roll in", time and time again, and too, how it can be so easy to just go with that flow, that wave, that feels so familiar, yet, we know, that tide has pretty much washed up too much debris, time and time again, and I don't really think it will change it's course of action anytime soon. After all, it is the ocean, and those tides are pretty darn big, and strong beyond belief.
You know when you were little, and you would try to jump a wave, and it would suck you in, and you would tumble around in the middle of the wave, and you would be scared, while tumbling, that you wouldn't come out of it, but soon, you would see that you made it, would try to make sense of what just happened, and try to run from the next wave, that inevitably would come again, to suck you in once more. Our hopes would be that we would run from the wave that just sucked us in, made us lose our sense of ourselves, time and space, and all you'd be focused on would be the safe shore, where you knew you could sit, and contemplate what the hell just happened.
I have found it amazingly true, that with enough diligence, in our daily lives, that we can truly sit at the shore of peace, extremely objective, not being sucked in to what things have occurred or have happened in our lives, as if we are in that tumbling wave, allowing us to feel so out of control.
The thing is, WE ARE IN CONTROL, but on the journey to that understanding we are going to tumble, and fumble, and swallow a bunch of salty water that will make us grimmas and feel horrible, and maybe make us think that we will never, ever try to jump another wave like that again. It felt THAT BAD.
I've been sitting on the shore for a little bit of time now, wondering if the waves are really what I like jumping.
Yes, they are big, and strong and scary. Who wants to feel that jumbled up? Who wants to sit on the shore and wonder what the hay just happened?
The thing is...........I know me. I'd sit on that shore, and boggle my brain, in sheer wonderment, about what it would be like to try to jump a wave that big. It would bug me to no end that I sat there, wondering, and not ever making any kind of move, to at least see, for a second, if the waves are really THAT BAD.
I never can really sit like that and just wonder.
I've been in huge life sized waves, and shoot..................no lie about it............. they threw me down, made me swallow salty water, pride, past memories, and any other thing that I defined myself as who I think I am right now, or how I see others.
I have been washed ashore with no idea of how things should or shouldn't be, with no idea of how to ride a wave, other than just not thinking about it, jumping in, and hoping that I will make it to shore, safe, and sound.
Hay, so far, I'm good.
I have a few scratches and bruises from tumbling in, but I am OK. I'm here, on shore, looking out at the ocean, with a little bit more of an ambivalence. Fear.....yes, that is there, but there is also a willingness to ride the wave again, but hopefully with a little more understanding of how to actually handle tides and waves rather than just saying, "Ahhh, I'll be OK."
I decided that it might be good to take someone who knows how to ride waves better than me, along.
Maybe they can jump in with me, hold my hand, and show me the ropes.
Too much sand in my bathing suit weighs me down anyway.
I need to feel lighter to ride those kind of waves, ya know?
I certainly don't want to pretend that I am a pro jumper. I'd like to think that I am, but I just haven't aced it yet.
I think the more I sit on the shore, and see how it is done, I can then, jump in, with a bit more knowledge on just how to tackle those huge waves.
The key? Is to just ask for help, instead of thinking you know how to ride it so well.
Humble, humble, humble............
I just want to learn, and not pretend that jumping those waves haven't scarred me. They have!! But.... those scars heal, and then you learn a different way to jump into things.
I'm just hoping the same "Lifeguard" on "duty" is still there, when I get up to try again.
~
I am grateful that I have been able to be objective enough to sift through a lot of old patterns, to see how they "roll in", time and time again, and too, how it can be so easy to just go with that flow, that wave, that feels so familiar, yet, we know, that tide has pretty much washed up too much debris, time and time again, and I don't really think it will change it's course of action anytime soon. After all, it is the ocean, and those tides are pretty darn big, and strong beyond belief.
You know when you were little, and you would try to jump a wave, and it would suck you in, and you would tumble around in the middle of the wave, and you would be scared, while tumbling, that you wouldn't come out of it, but soon, you would see that you made it, would try to make sense of what just happened, and try to run from the next wave, that inevitably would come again, to suck you in once more. Our hopes would be that we would run from the wave that just sucked us in, made us lose our sense of ourselves, time and space, and all you'd be focused on would be the safe shore, where you knew you could sit, and contemplate what the hell just happened.
I have found it amazingly true, that with enough diligence, in our daily lives, that we can truly sit at the shore of peace, extremely objective, not being sucked in to what things have occurred or have happened in our lives, as if we are in that tumbling wave, allowing us to feel so out of control.
The thing is, WE ARE IN CONTROL, but on the journey to that understanding we are going to tumble, and fumble, and swallow a bunch of salty water that will make us grimmas and feel horrible, and maybe make us think that we will never, ever try to jump another wave like that again. It felt THAT BAD.
I've been sitting on the shore for a little bit of time now, wondering if the waves are really what I like jumping.
Yes, they are big, and strong and scary. Who wants to feel that jumbled up? Who wants to sit on the shore and wonder what the hay just happened?
The thing is...........I know me. I'd sit on that shore, and boggle my brain, in sheer wonderment, about what it would be like to try to jump a wave that big. It would bug me to no end that I sat there, wondering, and not ever making any kind of move, to at least see, for a second, if the waves are really THAT BAD.
I never can really sit like that and just wonder.
I've been in huge life sized waves, and shoot..................no lie about it............. they threw me down, made me swallow salty water, pride, past memories, and any other thing that I defined myself as who I think I am right now, or how I see others.
I have been washed ashore with no idea of how things should or shouldn't be, with no idea of how to ride a wave, other than just not thinking about it, jumping in, and hoping that I will make it to shore, safe, and sound.
Hay, so far, I'm good.
I have a few scratches and bruises from tumbling in, but I am OK. I'm here, on shore, looking out at the ocean, with a little bit more of an ambivalence. Fear.....yes, that is there, but there is also a willingness to ride the wave again, but hopefully with a little more understanding of how to actually handle tides and waves rather than just saying, "Ahhh, I'll be OK."
I decided that it might be good to take someone who knows how to ride waves better than me, along.
Maybe they can jump in with me, hold my hand, and show me the ropes.
Too much sand in my bathing suit weighs me down anyway.
I need to feel lighter to ride those kind of waves, ya know?
I certainly don't want to pretend that I am a pro jumper. I'd like to think that I am, but I just haven't aced it yet.
I think the more I sit on the shore, and see how it is done, I can then, jump in, with a bit more knowledge on just how to tackle those huge waves.
The key? Is to just ask for help, instead of thinking you know how to ride it so well.
Humble, humble, humble............
I just want to learn, and not pretend that jumping those waves haven't scarred me. They have!! But.... those scars heal, and then you learn a different way to jump into things.
I'm just hoping the same "Lifeguard" on "duty" is still there, when I get up to try again.
~
Monday, January 25, 2010
DOWN TO THE BARE BONES
When life gets down to the bare bones, it means, you have choices, against popular belief.
You can choose the common way, your old way, or the way that is needed for your growth, even if it doesn't seem like it is needed in your life at the moment.
My life is sizzling with passion on so many different levels................ I could scream............ OK, so I will.............. I did, but you didn't hear it!!
I have a huge pendulum swinging, and a learning curve that is killin' me. The learning for me in the last year has been intense, real, moving, questionable, soulful, and a million other words that could describe a soul searching outside of it 's "nucleus", and what is "supposed" to be.
I am so utterly grateful for ANY AND ALL SITUATIONS that have come to me within this last year. Really........ there is nothing that I would turn away!! Someone has sent me some darn good packages for me to look at in my life, in a big way, to dissect it, and to really look at it, in a sincere, and organic way.
I have my own personal homework to do, on various subjects. It's OK.......... I want to learn about myself, and how I relate, or not relate to my own personal life, and let that be something for me to chomp on, rather than going to a late night movie.
I try to skim over life's realities, to make it feel somewhat "normal", but the Truth is, I cannot skim over any of the subtleties, it knocks just a bit too hard, on my door, at least!!!
I think it's good when we are down to the bare bones in our lives, just so that we can get a reality check on what is most important, and start taking notes from there.
Where are we? Are we happy? Are we doing what we REALLY WANT TO DO? Or are we just pretending?
I know for me, I don't want to pretend, to just drum up some kind of life that sounds good.
I want the real goods!! Something that is real, that you can look at, in the eye, and know that it is organic, real, and true.
Being down to the bare bones makes it all come to life. Blows it up and makes you see what your course is here. Just where ARE YOU GOING?
You can choose the common way, your old way, or the way that is needed for your growth, even if it doesn't seem like it is needed in your life at the moment.
My life is sizzling with passion on so many different levels................ I could scream............ OK, so I will.............. I did, but you didn't hear it!!
I have a huge pendulum swinging, and a learning curve that is killin' me. The learning for me in the last year has been intense, real, moving, questionable, soulful, and a million other words that could describe a soul searching outside of it 's "nucleus", and what is "supposed" to be.
I am so utterly grateful for ANY AND ALL SITUATIONS that have come to me within this last year. Really........ there is nothing that I would turn away!! Someone has sent me some darn good packages for me to look at in my life, in a big way, to dissect it, and to really look at it, in a sincere, and organic way.
I have my own personal homework to do, on various subjects. It's OK.......... I want to learn about myself, and how I relate, or not relate to my own personal life, and let that be something for me to chomp on, rather than going to a late night movie.
I try to skim over life's realities, to make it feel somewhat "normal", but the Truth is, I cannot skim over any of the subtleties, it knocks just a bit too hard, on my door, at least!!!
I think it's good when we are down to the bare bones in our lives, just so that we can get a reality check on what is most important, and start taking notes from there.
Where are we? Are we happy? Are we doing what we REALLY WANT TO DO? Or are we just pretending?
I know for me, I don't want to pretend, to just drum up some kind of life that sounds good.
I want the real goods!! Something that is real, that you can look at, in the eye, and know that it is organic, real, and true.
Being down to the bare bones makes it all come to life. Blows it up and makes you see what your course is here. Just where ARE YOU GOING?
Sunday, January 24, 2010
PRACTICING NON THINKING
Ya know, I think we spend so much of our darn time thinking about so many things, that sometimes it is just nice to NOT THINK ABOUT ANYTHING........ANYTHING AT ALL!
My thoughts are usually going a mile a minute, on every subject you can think of, and tonight, although those thoughts are all there, waiting with baited breath, I really just don't feel like trying to figure out, plot, plan, figure out this or that, or really, do much of anything for that matter.
I never usually get to be home early in the evenings, and it feels so nice to just kick back, relax, put on some pajamas and read a little, have some tea, lounge with the dogs, and not do anything. Seriously, I know that seems like something small, but in my life, down time is a luxury.
Last night for some reason, I aimed to go to bed early, and kind of made it there, but something happened where it felt as if I was flying high on 10 pots of coffee and did not sleep one minute. Really, not one. I was unnerved and had hours upon hours to think about my life, what is happening in it, where I want to go, to do, and man..............(no wonder I'm in bed tonight)......... it really threw me for a loop.
Yes, I just answered my own question of why do I just want to be brain dead tonight? haha
I know life isn't meant to be taken so seriously, but I cannot help but to think of the many ways in which I want to heal, to forgive, to accept, to understand, to fix or mend things, to get on good healthy tracks where I know in my heart of hearts that I am good, doing right for this soul, taking responsibility for myself, my thoughts, my actions, and making good use of what comes up in the midst of it all. I don't want to be afraid to challenge myself to reach bigger plateaus, in all areas of my life.
So, for this little hungry soul, I find it difficult at times to just relax, turn it all off for a bit, and to remember that it's OK to not do so much thinking.
I have been living sooooo moment to moment, in every which way for so long now, but even still, I see how I fight to find some sort of security in a solid foundation.
I never used to worry about what the next moment would be, next, day, next week, and such, and I have lost touch with that great reality. I think I have been around more people who are more prone to the opposite, which is planning for everything, that part of that rubbed off on me, which is good, in trying to find a balance and integrating the two. I don't think I'm there yet, on either side. I have been out of touch with the precision of living in the moment, (although it is kind of like riding a bike), and I have been learning how to be more pro-active in planning, and looking ahead, even if I just do it a little. That actually, is A LOT for me!
I really do think everything is about balance, not making things so black and white, (extremes), and dabbling in a bit of both worlds to find something that works where you are actually part of the world, and yet, removed enough to feel the mystery and magic of the unknown.
It is a lot to think about, which, is what I was saying earlier. God, even writing it makes me want to dig down deep and start dissecting the veils and masks of this life.
BUT, FOR TONIGHT, I am going left brain. Not so emotional, a little bit more detached, and calling it a night.
NON THINKING IS GOOD!
To be so precise in the moment, as to exactly what is happening, whether it be you eating, chewing gum, or looking into someones eyes............... DO JUST THAT..............and don't wane.
Something in that moment is bound to give you a greater treasure than if you tried to plan it perfectly!
Relax into it.
I'll see you there!
My thoughts are usually going a mile a minute, on every subject you can think of, and tonight, although those thoughts are all there, waiting with baited breath, I really just don't feel like trying to figure out, plot, plan, figure out this or that, or really, do much of anything for that matter.
I never usually get to be home early in the evenings, and it feels so nice to just kick back, relax, put on some pajamas and read a little, have some tea, lounge with the dogs, and not do anything. Seriously, I know that seems like something small, but in my life, down time is a luxury.
Last night for some reason, I aimed to go to bed early, and kind of made it there, but something happened where it felt as if I was flying high on 10 pots of coffee and did not sleep one minute. Really, not one. I was unnerved and had hours upon hours to think about my life, what is happening in it, where I want to go, to do, and man..............(no wonder I'm in bed tonight)......... it really threw me for a loop.
Yes, I just answered my own question of why do I just want to be brain dead tonight? haha
I know life isn't meant to be taken so seriously, but I cannot help but to think of the many ways in which I want to heal, to forgive, to accept, to understand, to fix or mend things, to get on good healthy tracks where I know in my heart of hearts that I am good, doing right for this soul, taking responsibility for myself, my thoughts, my actions, and making good use of what comes up in the midst of it all. I don't want to be afraid to challenge myself to reach bigger plateaus, in all areas of my life.
So, for this little hungry soul, I find it difficult at times to just relax, turn it all off for a bit, and to remember that it's OK to not do so much thinking.
I have been living sooooo moment to moment, in every which way for so long now, but even still, I see how I fight to find some sort of security in a solid foundation.
I never used to worry about what the next moment would be, next, day, next week, and such, and I have lost touch with that great reality. I think I have been around more people who are more prone to the opposite, which is planning for everything, that part of that rubbed off on me, which is good, in trying to find a balance and integrating the two. I don't think I'm there yet, on either side. I have been out of touch with the precision of living in the moment, (although it is kind of like riding a bike), and I have been learning how to be more pro-active in planning, and looking ahead, even if I just do it a little. That actually, is A LOT for me!
I really do think everything is about balance, not making things so black and white, (extremes), and dabbling in a bit of both worlds to find something that works where you are actually part of the world, and yet, removed enough to feel the mystery and magic of the unknown.
It is a lot to think about, which, is what I was saying earlier. God, even writing it makes me want to dig down deep and start dissecting the veils and masks of this life.
BUT, FOR TONIGHT, I am going left brain. Not so emotional, a little bit more detached, and calling it a night.
NON THINKING IS GOOD!
To be so precise in the moment, as to exactly what is happening, whether it be you eating, chewing gum, or looking into someones eyes............... DO JUST THAT..............and don't wane.
Something in that moment is bound to give you a greater treasure than if you tried to plan it perfectly!
Relax into it.
I'll see you there!
Saturday, January 23, 2010
CHANGE....CHANGE.....CHANGE......
No matter how you look at it, that one word is the thing that we will never, ever be able to avoid, and so no matter what the subject or title is............ we have got to move forward, push on, and make changes within those changes, to mold things back to a good place that feels good to us.
Sometimes change is a very good thing, just hidden and disguised, and sometimes change is happening when you really don't like it, and you just have to roll with the punches and try to see the gems behind it all.
Life is so utterly interesting. I sometimes wonder why people don't just sit back every once in a while and take it all in. There are so many levels of intrigue, no matter if things are in a good way or a bad way. The psychology of it all is wild, from one spectrum to another.
To look at things so up close and personal can be very intense, and yet somehow relieving too.
It's a weird combination, and the extreme feelings that can go along with being so open and vulnerable can take you for a little joy ride on the highway of Understanding.
Sometimes I wish my personality didn't want to know such depths in this life, or the meaning behind everything. To feel so deeply, to love so deeply, and to ask to be so open.
Change of any kind entails so much of that letting go and accepting. Accepting things that you cannot change, accepting situations that courage is called upon in the biggest of ways, (death, and divorce for example), all kinds of situations.
I want to be so fluid as to see the changes, and just walk forward boldly, and do whatever it is that is needed to be in that flow. It is almost a necessity, don't you think?
I mean, if you cannot change it, why fight it, right?
It is so hard to feel so fluid in uncertainty, yet I have been there before. It is so hard to feel safe, in change and uncertainty, and vulnerability. So hard to wrap strength around Truths, but have been there too, and know that there is always a way to get to some sort of comfort.
I think back to when I used to do regression therapy and we would go way back in time to when I was in my Mothers womb. You really can actually access that feeling, not as a dream, but as a real life reality, recalling the exact moments and time that you were feeling so safe and taken care of.
What an amazing feeling. Imagine living in a world where you actually felt THAT SAFE?
Is that even possible?
Wow!!
Change will definitely drum up a host of things to contemplate, and then some.
It is up to us to make sure we find the best ways to make us feel peaceful, safe, and strong.
We all have our own different ways.
Grab a hold of change, look at it, love it, and do whatever you can to find the beauty in it, and learn, learn learn from yourselves, your own thoughts, and why you have chosen those situations to begin with, OR if you don't have any control over the situation, see what the teaching is and let it be your strength. Embrace it fully.
That is where I am headed.
I'm right there with you.
As always,
Gabriela
Sometimes change is a very good thing, just hidden and disguised, and sometimes change is happening when you really don't like it, and you just have to roll with the punches and try to see the gems behind it all.
Life is so utterly interesting. I sometimes wonder why people don't just sit back every once in a while and take it all in. There are so many levels of intrigue, no matter if things are in a good way or a bad way. The psychology of it all is wild, from one spectrum to another.
To look at things so up close and personal can be very intense, and yet somehow relieving too.
It's a weird combination, and the extreme feelings that can go along with being so open and vulnerable can take you for a little joy ride on the highway of Understanding.
Sometimes I wish my personality didn't want to know such depths in this life, or the meaning behind everything. To feel so deeply, to love so deeply, and to ask to be so open.
Change of any kind entails so much of that letting go and accepting. Accepting things that you cannot change, accepting situations that courage is called upon in the biggest of ways, (death, and divorce for example), all kinds of situations.
I want to be so fluid as to see the changes, and just walk forward boldly, and do whatever it is that is needed to be in that flow. It is almost a necessity, don't you think?
I mean, if you cannot change it, why fight it, right?
It is so hard to feel so fluid in uncertainty, yet I have been there before. It is so hard to feel safe, in change and uncertainty, and vulnerability. So hard to wrap strength around Truths, but have been there too, and know that there is always a way to get to some sort of comfort.
I think back to when I used to do regression therapy and we would go way back in time to when I was in my Mothers womb. You really can actually access that feeling, not as a dream, but as a real life reality, recalling the exact moments and time that you were feeling so safe and taken care of.
What an amazing feeling. Imagine living in a world where you actually felt THAT SAFE?
Is that even possible?
Wow!!
Change will definitely drum up a host of things to contemplate, and then some.
It is up to us to make sure we find the best ways to make us feel peaceful, safe, and strong.
We all have our own different ways.
Grab a hold of change, look at it, love it, and do whatever you can to find the beauty in it, and learn, learn learn from yourselves, your own thoughts, and why you have chosen those situations to begin with, OR if you don't have any control over the situation, see what the teaching is and let it be your strength. Embrace it fully.
That is where I am headed.
I'm right there with you.
As always,
Gabriela
LEARNING FROM LISTENING
It is always such a treat for me to sit, and listen..............really listen to someone talk. I could care less if they asked me one thing about myself. It is always like going on a vacation in a way. Away from your life, your woa's and me, me, me.
How great to sit back and listen to someone else, what their passions are, what makes them tick, what makes them feel passionate, why they are the way they are, and to just experience something else beyond the physical, or to give way to a much more real connection, other than the status quo.
Peoples lives are amazing to me, once you hear a bit about them. No matter who they are, once you get a small peak into their world, you start to think and see a bit differently. One, about them, and two, about who you are, and how you view the world.
It's like putting the pieces to the puzzle together. It is always mind boggling at first, but once you start looking at the whole picture, you start thinking differently, like "Ahh, this isn't so bad after all", this makes sense.
I would like to be AS objective about myself, as I am with others. It truly is an art form, to be able to step aside from our own lives, to objectively look at our "puzzle" and to see just how to fit all of the pieces together.
My life is so darn eclectic, and the more I embrace that word, as a huge part of me and my life, the more it makes great sense, and fits me, in a really good way.
I had a great evening with someone who is deep, and passionate, and questioning, and has tons of thoughts on life, love, and every other subject that could be mentioned. It was so stimulating, and relaxing, and so "no effort". How refreshing!!! How darn refreshing!
Someone who actually has something to say about life, and all of the other subjects mentioned.
I sit here now and think of our conversation and what that entailed, and wow........... not to sound pompous in any way, but I genuinely liked what I had to say. I mean, if someone else had said it, I would have been wide eyed and ears open!!!
I was able to be really objective about my own thoughts and just in general, really. It felt so awesome!!
Kind of like looking at your life through a kaleidoscope.
People, in general, want to be heard. They want to tell their story without interruption!
Me? I love going to therapy for that! I don't just want to bend someones ear, just to bend someones ear........ (well maybe...... when I just want to have a little extra fun, to make things not so "heavy or serious" all of the time).
Listen to your friends! Listen to who is talking to you and make it AS important as if you wanted to be HEARD.
God, it is so key, to have that give and take.
I know what it is like to chat away and have someone soak in your life's dilemmas, and too, have been on the side of really allowing someone to spill their guts to get closer to who they are inside.
To me? It is just as awesome to listen, as it is to be heard.
There is so much learning in listening.
You learn about yourself, and too, by being present, you learn how to connect with others in a very simple and compassionate way.
It allows you to be less judgemental, more attuned, and able to see someone in a much different light, other than the easy way out, of seeing people the way you "normally" see them.
LISTEN MORE!
TALK LESS!
This is good!
This is rich!
This is some amazing stuff!
~
How great to sit back and listen to someone else, what their passions are, what makes them tick, what makes them feel passionate, why they are the way they are, and to just experience something else beyond the physical, or to give way to a much more real connection, other than the status quo.
Peoples lives are amazing to me, once you hear a bit about them. No matter who they are, once you get a small peak into their world, you start to think and see a bit differently. One, about them, and two, about who you are, and how you view the world.
It's like putting the pieces to the puzzle together. It is always mind boggling at first, but once you start looking at the whole picture, you start thinking differently, like "Ahh, this isn't so bad after all", this makes sense.
I would like to be AS objective about myself, as I am with others. It truly is an art form, to be able to step aside from our own lives, to objectively look at our "puzzle" and to see just how to fit all of the pieces together.
My life is so darn eclectic, and the more I embrace that word, as a huge part of me and my life, the more it makes great sense, and fits me, in a really good way.
I had a great evening with someone who is deep, and passionate, and questioning, and has tons of thoughts on life, love, and every other subject that could be mentioned. It was so stimulating, and relaxing, and so "no effort". How refreshing!!! How darn refreshing!
Someone who actually has something to say about life, and all of the other subjects mentioned.
I sit here now and think of our conversation and what that entailed, and wow........... not to sound pompous in any way, but I genuinely liked what I had to say. I mean, if someone else had said it, I would have been wide eyed and ears open!!!
I was able to be really objective about my own thoughts and just in general, really. It felt so awesome!!
Kind of like looking at your life through a kaleidoscope.
People, in general, want to be heard. They want to tell their story without interruption!
Me? I love going to therapy for that! I don't just want to bend someones ear, just to bend someones ear........ (well maybe...... when I just want to have a little extra fun, to make things not so "heavy or serious" all of the time).
Listen to your friends! Listen to who is talking to you and make it AS important as if you wanted to be HEARD.
God, it is so key, to have that give and take.
I know what it is like to chat away and have someone soak in your life's dilemmas, and too, have been on the side of really allowing someone to spill their guts to get closer to who they are inside.
To me? It is just as awesome to listen, as it is to be heard.
There is so much learning in listening.
You learn about yourself, and too, by being present, you learn how to connect with others in a very simple and compassionate way.
It allows you to be less judgemental, more attuned, and able to see someone in a much different light, other than the easy way out, of seeing people the way you "normally" see them.
LISTEN MORE!
TALK LESS!
This is good!
This is rich!
This is some amazing stuff!
~
Thursday, January 21, 2010
RAZOR SHARP EDGE
It is always so intriguing living so moment to moment in your life.
I used to Ace this kind of living, and feel so comfortable, yet, my life was lived in such a secure little blanket, devoid of so many things that are currently in my life now.
I don't know if it is the 40's thing or just that life is in the most odd stage right now?
I have never had such a weird feeling, or maybe the word is ,unsure..... feeling about so many things.
I am usually precise with what it is that I want, but for some reason, it is feeling a bit foggy, and there isn't a crystal clear picture of what that might be.
I try to make clear visuals so that I can focus on them, to bring them to fruition, get a plan going, and start doing whatever it takes to get it working, but man......... I have a ton of passions, things I am good at, but not sure I want them to be my main stay for work, or even pleasure, and then there is Gabriela's eclectic vision of what I see as so awesome, so deep, and self satisfying, but.........the big BUT............. I .........am.............just............not ..............sure!
Things are jumbled up right now.
I barely have time to do anything.
My life is so full with things to do, things to mend, and responsibilities to adhere to, lessons to learn, and things to apply.
God forbid I want to do anything outside of this box.
It gets hairy...........
I wane, inside with so many thoughts and plainly, am unsure of my own personal progress at this moment, and am not afraid to say so.
It seems as if everyday goes by so fast, there isn't much time to think out loud. It is always a doing, and a going.
I need more time for "being".
I certainly don't want to seem as if I am complaining. I, of course look at the particulars in my life, and you would not know them (some do), and think, man, I need to "do" some tweaking here and there, and psssshhhhh............everywhere!
Honestly, there are so many things that I want to change, adhere to, transcend, and it really can be overwhelming at times. Probably because I don't have the time I need to do it the way I would want to?? Not sure!
I have creative projects that have been on hold, brilliant ideas waiting to be sketched out and put into form, some sort of plan that will actualize my dreams........god, just so much stuff that needs.........TIME........FOCUS...........AND TONS OF LOVE, DEEP DEEP LOVE TO POUR ITSELF INTO.
Living moment to moment kind of erases all of those things. Living moment to moment, leaves you living so precisely, that to go any further into the future seems almost ludicrous!
I know that with time, I will be able to mold my thoughts into a reality, but yes, it does take that one thing..............TIME!
Ya know, it is kind of like trying to write a novel while in a disco bar. That truly is how it feels.
My days are so filled with heightened energy, moving, moving, moving, and going, and it is like a dance of sorts. It is so busy, that to be able to come down to the reality that it requires to focus and adhere to a platform that is conducive for what I want, is almost highly unlikely.
I know I will find a way to conform to whatever it is that I need. I can feel it in my bones.
I am requiring some heavy duty stuff.
I am at a definite place of wanting to mold my life to exactly what it is that I need.........that will fulfill my passionate soul, in a pure and healthy way! I won't settle for less...........I just won't!!
I just can't bare calling in things that are old, trying to rear their ugly head again, and again, and again, to just teach me the same lesson over and over again.
This is the razor sharp edge.
How to change the course of action, to make a new and different life???
This is a good sentence to stop at............... to find new ways to build a different story in my life, rather than the old and boring.
I am all about digesting life changes slowly so I can actually look at it, check it out, and figure out a way to make things work where it won't be so hard core, and like cramming for an exam.
There has got to be an easier way to go about all of this.
I have this friend, who is good at being objective about things like this, and it seems so easy for her to say just how to go about it, but.......... everyone does things differently, and too, has a whole host of background stuff to consider, which, IS ALWAYS different for everyone, so........... opinions are great, advice is always great, but how do we apply accordingly........be objective, and consider others objective opinions too, even if they have never been on your side of the court?
This is a lot to go to bed with.
It's OK. This here, IS MY DOWN TIME!
Funny, huh? 1:30 am, down time.
Gotta change that!
The good thing is.........I'm still writing..........and still..........feel on fire............... with so many things......
Thank you for listening, as always, and for giving me your incredible feedback. What that does is allow me to access this crazy, wild, human race, in my little spurts of time, and see how it all fits into my domain of opinion........... and then I set free those thoughts.........and bam............
What you see is what you get..................... ME! Full of razor sharp thoughts, based on my passions, my views, and my innocent take on this crazy, crazy world.
Thank you a million times over, for letting me talk like a crazy woman, with opinions like crazy, and for just letting me be me.
You guys are truly awesome to me, and you have no idea how this little tiny blog makes such a huge difference in my encapsulated world.
Devoted to Expression,
Gabriela
I used to Ace this kind of living, and feel so comfortable, yet, my life was lived in such a secure little blanket, devoid of so many things that are currently in my life now.
I don't know if it is the 40's thing or just that life is in the most odd stage right now?
I have never had such a weird feeling, or maybe the word is ,unsure..... feeling about so many things.
I am usually precise with what it is that I want, but for some reason, it is feeling a bit foggy, and there isn't a crystal clear picture of what that might be.
I try to make clear visuals so that I can focus on them, to bring them to fruition, get a plan going, and start doing whatever it takes to get it working, but man......... I have a ton of passions, things I am good at, but not sure I want them to be my main stay for work, or even pleasure, and then there is Gabriela's eclectic vision of what I see as so awesome, so deep, and self satisfying, but.........the big BUT............. I .........am.............just............not ..............sure!
Things are jumbled up right now.
I barely have time to do anything.
My life is so full with things to do, things to mend, and responsibilities to adhere to, lessons to learn, and things to apply.
God forbid I want to do anything outside of this box.
It gets hairy...........
I wane, inside with so many thoughts and plainly, am unsure of my own personal progress at this moment, and am not afraid to say so.
It seems as if everyday goes by so fast, there isn't much time to think out loud. It is always a doing, and a going.
I need more time for "being".
I certainly don't want to seem as if I am complaining. I, of course look at the particulars in my life, and you would not know them (some do), and think, man, I need to "do" some tweaking here and there, and psssshhhhh............everywhere!
Honestly, there are so many things that I want to change, adhere to, transcend, and it really can be overwhelming at times. Probably because I don't have the time I need to do it the way I would want to?? Not sure!
I have creative projects that have been on hold, brilliant ideas waiting to be sketched out and put into form, some sort of plan that will actualize my dreams........god, just so much stuff that needs.........TIME........FOCUS...........AND TONS OF LOVE, DEEP DEEP LOVE TO POUR ITSELF INTO.
Living moment to moment kind of erases all of those things. Living moment to moment, leaves you living so precisely, that to go any further into the future seems almost ludicrous!
I know that with time, I will be able to mold my thoughts into a reality, but yes, it does take that one thing..............TIME!
Ya know, it is kind of like trying to write a novel while in a disco bar. That truly is how it feels.
My days are so filled with heightened energy, moving, moving, moving, and going, and it is like a dance of sorts. It is so busy, that to be able to come down to the reality that it requires to focus and adhere to a platform that is conducive for what I want, is almost highly unlikely.
I know I will find a way to conform to whatever it is that I need. I can feel it in my bones.
I am requiring some heavy duty stuff.
I am at a definite place of wanting to mold my life to exactly what it is that I need.........that will fulfill my passionate soul, in a pure and healthy way! I won't settle for less...........I just won't!!
I just can't bare calling in things that are old, trying to rear their ugly head again, and again, and again, to just teach me the same lesson over and over again.
This is the razor sharp edge.
How to change the course of action, to make a new and different life???
This is a good sentence to stop at............... to find new ways to build a different story in my life, rather than the old and boring.
I am all about digesting life changes slowly so I can actually look at it, check it out, and figure out a way to make things work where it won't be so hard core, and like cramming for an exam.
There has got to be an easier way to go about all of this.
I have this friend, who is good at being objective about things like this, and it seems so easy for her to say just how to go about it, but.......... everyone does things differently, and too, has a whole host of background stuff to consider, which, IS ALWAYS different for everyone, so........... opinions are great, advice is always great, but how do we apply accordingly........be objective, and consider others objective opinions too, even if they have never been on your side of the court?
This is a lot to go to bed with.
It's OK. This here, IS MY DOWN TIME!
Funny, huh? 1:30 am, down time.
Gotta change that!
The good thing is.........I'm still writing..........and still..........feel on fire............... with so many things......
Thank you for listening, as always, and for giving me your incredible feedback. What that does is allow me to access this crazy, wild, human race, in my little spurts of time, and see how it all fits into my domain of opinion........... and then I set free those thoughts.........and bam............
What you see is what you get..................... ME! Full of razor sharp thoughts, based on my passions, my views, and my innocent take on this crazy, crazy world.
Thank you a million times over, for letting me talk like a crazy woman, with opinions like crazy, and for just letting me be me.
You guys are truly awesome to me, and you have no idea how this little tiny blog makes such a huge difference in my encapsulated world.
Devoted to Expression,
Gabriela
Monday, January 18, 2010
THE COURAGE TO LIVE AS OURSELVES
.......NO MATTER WHAT THAT MAY BE!
I can only tell you that my entire life has been living as the "black sheep". Certainly not because I wanted to make some sort of statement about myself, but since I can remember, I always seemed to be busting out of my seems, wanting to be anything other than what was the "norm" as a kid, and since a very, very young age, it seemed as if it was like climbing the highest mountain top, barefoot, to be able to be accepted, or at least seen as just as "normal" as the next kid.
I didn't listen to the same music my friends did. Of course I listened to the top 40 and all of that stuff, 70's galore.....yada, yada. None of my friends listened to classical music, read and wrote poetry, felt deep, deep emotions, dressed to their own liking, for the most part, and thought outside of the lines.
Everyone was planning college in the 10th grade. Me, I knew college wasn't for me, so I chose not to go. I wasn't sure what I was going to do, but I knew for sure that I wasn't going to go JUST BECAUSE EVERYONE ELSE WAS, and so traipsing down to my guidance counselors office, I'd roll my eyes thinking, they are going to try to persuade me to do something I honestly knew I did not want to do. I let them talk, because that is what they were there to do, to guide me, and then I politely told them, thank you, but this is the road I am going to take, very confident. Funny, those guidance counselors, years later told me that they trusted my judgement, and knew I'd be OK because I seemed confident in my own planning. I was. I was happy in a weird way to hear that they said that. You look at them as if they are the end all of knowing things, and really, they admired my courage to do something different.
I did exactly what I wanted. I waited until high school ended, to rid myself of certain qualities of that whole experience that, really, I just wanted to settle into my own being, without any noise or obligations around.
I moved out into my own apartment at 18, found a new life in many ways that equaled myself inside, and started to explore just who I was every step of the way.
Always, always, my train ride seems to be a very alone ride, just because the things that I am attracted to are not so main stream, or should I say, not so public. They are more enclosed, introverted, and individual.
The things that I am attracted to, or the things that I have wanted to bring to life have taken a lot of alone time, trying to map out ways to achieve them, especially against all odds, support, and no one, really, never anyone who would just say........wow, how great Gabriela, you want to paint buildings? Why would you want to be on a scaffold 14 stories high? That is a mans job! (My mother hated that job. I made 17 dollars an hour at 17, loved it, loved wearing painters pants, a baseball cap, and picking colors for someones building. Wow, they trusted me.
I mean why do that when I could have worked at the nearest Travel agency, or Realistate agency, behind a desk, with skirts, heals, and hose? Answering phones, and filing. That job lasted a week. Of course I did it because my mom and my sister wanted me to, but after one week, I went back to painting and smiled my ass off everyday. I had 14 floors of people passing me everyday, talking, greeting, making people smile, gifts exchanged, just for the sake of being. My tenacity to stick to my guns started to reflect and evoke different things in people who were, shoot, 20 and 30 years older than myself.
I had people at my ladder in the morning asking me questions about my life, very deep, and very introspective, and soon, for being a "painter" in a building that really, was a "man's job," brought the most amazing interactions with people who really didn't even know who the heck they were outside of their small cubicles that they had been at for 10, 20, some 30 years. All of a sudden, people were contemplating their own lives and what the heck they were doing.
I'm not saying anything about myself, only in the way that there was a bold reflection, and I think it said volumes without words.
Look, I am a wild free spirit, and it is usually hard to contain this little soul, in any small environment, but, nonetheless, wherever I am, there is always an amazing teaching. I always, without a doubt, take every little thing that I have learned, and have used it time and time again, in my evolution.
At that painting job I learned how to build rooms, how to actually put up walls, put together showers, bathrooms, put down tile, Spackle, do tons of different applications on walls, designed rooms, then floors, strip floors, oh god, you name it. It's funny. I loved every minute of it, and yet, there I was among 15 guys, in my painters uniform, (it was kinda cute, I loved painters pants, and any chance I get to wear work boots, I'm there), and so, to see someone in that light, looking from others perspectives, was so obvious that people thought I was a lost soul, and really, it wasn't ME who was actually lost. I felt so fine inside with what I was doing. It is a magnificent story of a young woman trying to adhere to her passions inside, and back then, I had ideas, but they weren't anything concrete. I knew I loved design, and wanted to be an architect, but had so many other loves too, so.......... this job, amongst the many more to come in my life, were like that.
People looked at me like, hmmmm, (these were people's comments)......"Why would such a pretty girl want to do THIS OR THAT?" What the hell does your physical appearance have to do with liking to run a bed and breakfast? Is it that you saw me changing sheets on a bed? Taking garbage out of rooms? Doing physical work? That was another one......... I always wind up doing physical work. Why would such a pretty girl want to lift that, move that, or do such physical labor? Hmmmm........ when people apply for these jobs, should they look in the section in the newspaper called JUST THE UNATTRACTIVE APPLY WITHIN? C'mon guys!
Doesn't anyone know who Katherine Hepburn was? She is one of the most inspiring people in my life, thus far, amongst the Joan Of Arcs, and the Mother Theresas. As far as the Katherine Hepburns........... that goes back awhile now, and even then, because she wore pants and ties, jackets and loafers, and told men where the f........to go if they put her in the category of a typical woman, hay, she'd have something' to say! She was an amazingly intelligent woman who ran her own show and didn't need a man, she was cast as several things.......... a lesbian, a man hater, arrogant, selfish.............. Selfish because she wanted to put her own tile on her roof because SHE COULD........ Had a mind of her own to think and do, and be different than any of the other women that were so called, "women". What is.............. a woman? And what is she to be? Oh, this could get long................ ANYWAY.......... for another great blog......... maybe a book. Too long for blogs, so my brother says.
BEING OURSELVES.
IT IS A TREK BUT HAS TO BE INDIVIDUAL IF WE ARE TO STAY TRUE TO WHO WE REALLY ARE INSIDE.
I tell you, ever since I was a kid, it has been very difficult at times to tread upon regular life, and trying to fit in.
The fact of the matter is............I DON'T FIT IN. There is a difference. I CAN, AND ALWAYS WILL BE ABLE TO FIT IN, because I can play any role you give me. It's not even playing a role, but it's easy to mesh with things if you need to, ya know what I mean? I genuinely get along with people, I love people, actually, and if I am happy inside with who I am, do my little work that I do, with that as my base, than life can be easy, BUT, THE TRUTH OF THE MATTER IS.......... to live as we are, inside, and have that match the outside, is some heavy duty sketching with pencil on paper, erasing a few times here and there, and trying to figure out what best fits us in order to feel parallel to our throbbing, passionate hearts that are dying to just do, and be and meld into what it is that makes us feel whole, sturdy, and complete, within.
What is that?
It is a multitude of things for me, but I will tell you, in my own eclectic way, and the things that I dare to accomplish, in what I think is important to me, and no one else, it is like walking a tight rope.
Everyone wants you to BE SOMEONE, OR SOMETHING FOR THEM. I've gotten this now, and actually, am intrigued still, at this process, both being the "wanter", and the observer.
It makes people feel more comfortable with themselves to know that you are living life that is more to their liking or what is close to their morals or beliefs. They can say that they accept you, but the truth is, there is a lot of hidden angst, jealousy, and plainly, just a severe perplexity, in that there isn't really a rope of understanding that they can grab a hold of, outside of their "box".
This has been my experience, in trying to adhere to my own little vortex of what I consider a life.
I have dabbled in all of life, really, from one spectrum to another, and I have chosen a very simple life, devoid of the things that people think I should be doing.
My life is filled now with the most incredible joy, and too, sadness, still, trying to plug away at being 100% me. My 100% me, scares me, to be honest, at times, but I am so drawn to the life I want, and yet, no one, NOT ONE PERSON GETS IT.............. how wild.............NOT ONE PERSON!!
It's too "way out there"........ "not level headed", "not mainstream enough", "I'm not utilizing my personality enough"........ "Someone like me SHOULDN'T want to be ALONE, secluded away in the woods", after all that is SCARY!!! Not grounded enough!
For who? For you! Well, than don't be alone in the woods, but be happy for me you silly shit! It is what I love. You may not understand it, but try, just for another perspective.
What ? You haven't watched TV in a year, you weird thing! You haven't this, you haven't that...........
How about we just say we are different and call it a night?
I am at a point where it is fun sketching out what is next, and sometimes, honestly not fun, because in my life, it is a gamble. But I always wind up doing what I want, gambling it, against all odds, and I am always happy.
It too, is kind of sad because ya know, you traipse along in life, you meet incredible people, stay awhile with them, experience life with them in so many eclectic ways, and then suddenly you see yourself leaving a life behind that once meant so much.
Life seems to be one big shedding of the skin. In order to stay THAT CLOSE to who we are, we must move.........continuously move with what feels good, what seems to be most accurate and parallel to who we are and what we are wanting, AGAINST ALL ODDS.
It may seem so incredibly ludicrous to move in directions that seem so uncharted, so unpaved, but to me, those are the most phenomenal roads to take. You clear the weeds away, walk confidently, knowing that you feel strong inside where you are going, yet, life DOES give you constant notions that things just won't be OK in that risky kind of living, but such is the dichotomy between right and left brain, fear and trust, and all of the other things that tell us yes, no, yes, no............... IF WE NEVER SAY YES, IN ALL OF OUR FEAR, THAN WE WILL NEVER FEEL SATIATED IN OUR SOUL, JUST FEARFUL THAT WE NEVER MADE THE JUMP.
WHO ARE YOU OUT THERE? BE YOU!
Boys? Same thing..............
BE YOU, BE YOU............WHATEVER THE HECK IT IS..............sculpt your life to you own liking.
Heck my life isn't anything to talk about. It is SIMPLE, FUN, SERIOUS, PASSIONATE, and really, so no nonsense..............AND I LOVE IT.................
I don't feel any need to be anyone else, but I will say, it is interesting to watch the world and how they all want you to be.
It is always like watching a sad movie on how people struggle to swim to the shore of peace within themselves.
Hay, if your peace is smoking hemp on a deserted island, go right ahead. Me? I'd probably laugh and say, Right on........... so be it, if that is your choice. Who, really, am I to judge?
Ride the wave of INDIVIDUALITY!!
Scrape away all of the stuff that you are doing that just doesn't seem to fit, and mold your life to what you want.
It may take a bit of planning, but that's OK, everything does these days.
THERE ISN'T ANYTHING THAT YOU COULD WANT, THAT CANNOT COME TRUE! NOTHING IS THAT HARD TO GRASP.
TELL ME.....WHAT IS IT? I CHALLENGE YOU.................
I'M WORKIN MY MAGIC IN MY WORLD............... AND IT IS TAKING A LOT BUT IT WILL HAPPEN........... WHY?
I DON'T TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER.
I WANT WHAT I WANT.
I MAY FUMBLE..............BUT WHO CARES.............. AS LONG AS I LAUGH ALONG THE WAY.
I am here for you, as I am here for myself.
It takes a lot of self acceptance, courage and loving the little kid inside that is not very trusting and not willing to embark on new territory.
Jump over the line and have a ball!
It's work, but we might as well do something while we have all of this time here right?
I'm skipping inside................. I'm light, and know, too, that I have a ton of work to do.
I love myself enough to go the extra mile.
We are loved.
And, we are safe.
I love learning to know that, more and more.
G'nite guys,
I love you so much......... God........I really do!!
xoxoxoxoxoxo
I can only tell you that my entire life has been living as the "black sheep". Certainly not because I wanted to make some sort of statement about myself, but since I can remember, I always seemed to be busting out of my seems, wanting to be anything other than what was the "norm" as a kid, and since a very, very young age, it seemed as if it was like climbing the highest mountain top, barefoot, to be able to be accepted, or at least seen as just as "normal" as the next kid.
I didn't listen to the same music my friends did. Of course I listened to the top 40 and all of that stuff, 70's galore.....yada, yada. None of my friends listened to classical music, read and wrote poetry, felt deep, deep emotions, dressed to their own liking, for the most part, and thought outside of the lines.
Everyone was planning college in the 10th grade. Me, I knew college wasn't for me, so I chose not to go. I wasn't sure what I was going to do, but I knew for sure that I wasn't going to go JUST BECAUSE EVERYONE ELSE WAS, and so traipsing down to my guidance counselors office, I'd roll my eyes thinking, they are going to try to persuade me to do something I honestly knew I did not want to do. I let them talk, because that is what they were there to do, to guide me, and then I politely told them, thank you, but this is the road I am going to take, very confident. Funny, those guidance counselors, years later told me that they trusted my judgement, and knew I'd be OK because I seemed confident in my own planning. I was. I was happy in a weird way to hear that they said that. You look at them as if they are the end all of knowing things, and really, they admired my courage to do something different.
I did exactly what I wanted. I waited until high school ended, to rid myself of certain qualities of that whole experience that, really, I just wanted to settle into my own being, without any noise or obligations around.
I moved out into my own apartment at 18, found a new life in many ways that equaled myself inside, and started to explore just who I was every step of the way.
Always, always, my train ride seems to be a very alone ride, just because the things that I am attracted to are not so main stream, or should I say, not so public. They are more enclosed, introverted, and individual.
The things that I am attracted to, or the things that I have wanted to bring to life have taken a lot of alone time, trying to map out ways to achieve them, especially against all odds, support, and no one, really, never anyone who would just say........wow, how great Gabriela, you want to paint buildings? Why would you want to be on a scaffold 14 stories high? That is a mans job! (My mother hated that job. I made 17 dollars an hour at 17, loved it, loved wearing painters pants, a baseball cap, and picking colors for someones building. Wow, they trusted me.
I mean why do that when I could have worked at the nearest Travel agency, or Realistate agency, behind a desk, with skirts, heals, and hose? Answering phones, and filing. That job lasted a week. Of course I did it because my mom and my sister wanted me to, but after one week, I went back to painting and smiled my ass off everyday. I had 14 floors of people passing me everyday, talking, greeting, making people smile, gifts exchanged, just for the sake of being. My tenacity to stick to my guns started to reflect and evoke different things in people who were, shoot, 20 and 30 years older than myself.
I had people at my ladder in the morning asking me questions about my life, very deep, and very introspective, and soon, for being a "painter" in a building that really, was a "man's job," brought the most amazing interactions with people who really didn't even know who the heck they were outside of their small cubicles that they had been at for 10, 20, some 30 years. All of a sudden, people were contemplating their own lives and what the heck they were doing.
I'm not saying anything about myself, only in the way that there was a bold reflection, and I think it said volumes without words.
Look, I am a wild free spirit, and it is usually hard to contain this little soul, in any small environment, but, nonetheless, wherever I am, there is always an amazing teaching. I always, without a doubt, take every little thing that I have learned, and have used it time and time again, in my evolution.
At that painting job I learned how to build rooms, how to actually put up walls, put together showers, bathrooms, put down tile, Spackle, do tons of different applications on walls, designed rooms, then floors, strip floors, oh god, you name it. It's funny. I loved every minute of it, and yet, there I was among 15 guys, in my painters uniform, (it was kinda cute, I loved painters pants, and any chance I get to wear work boots, I'm there), and so, to see someone in that light, looking from others perspectives, was so obvious that people thought I was a lost soul, and really, it wasn't ME who was actually lost. I felt so fine inside with what I was doing. It is a magnificent story of a young woman trying to adhere to her passions inside, and back then, I had ideas, but they weren't anything concrete. I knew I loved design, and wanted to be an architect, but had so many other loves too, so.......... this job, amongst the many more to come in my life, were like that.
People looked at me like, hmmmm, (these were people's comments)......"Why would such a pretty girl want to do THIS OR THAT?" What the hell does your physical appearance have to do with liking to run a bed and breakfast? Is it that you saw me changing sheets on a bed? Taking garbage out of rooms? Doing physical work? That was another one......... I always wind up doing physical work. Why would such a pretty girl want to lift that, move that, or do such physical labor? Hmmmm........ when people apply for these jobs, should they look in the section in the newspaper called JUST THE UNATTRACTIVE APPLY WITHIN? C'mon guys!
Doesn't anyone know who Katherine Hepburn was? She is one of the most inspiring people in my life, thus far, amongst the Joan Of Arcs, and the Mother Theresas. As far as the Katherine Hepburns........... that goes back awhile now, and even then, because she wore pants and ties, jackets and loafers, and told men where the f........to go if they put her in the category of a typical woman, hay, she'd have something' to say! She was an amazingly intelligent woman who ran her own show and didn't need a man, she was cast as several things.......... a lesbian, a man hater, arrogant, selfish.............. Selfish because she wanted to put her own tile on her roof because SHE COULD........ Had a mind of her own to think and do, and be different than any of the other women that were so called, "women". What is.............. a woman? And what is she to be? Oh, this could get long................ ANYWAY.......... for another great blog......... maybe a book. Too long for blogs, so my brother says.
BEING OURSELVES.
IT IS A TREK BUT HAS TO BE INDIVIDUAL IF WE ARE TO STAY TRUE TO WHO WE REALLY ARE INSIDE.
I tell you, ever since I was a kid, it has been very difficult at times to tread upon regular life, and trying to fit in.
The fact of the matter is............I DON'T FIT IN. There is a difference. I CAN, AND ALWAYS WILL BE ABLE TO FIT IN, because I can play any role you give me. It's not even playing a role, but it's easy to mesh with things if you need to, ya know what I mean? I genuinely get along with people, I love people, actually, and if I am happy inside with who I am, do my little work that I do, with that as my base, than life can be easy, BUT, THE TRUTH OF THE MATTER IS.......... to live as we are, inside, and have that match the outside, is some heavy duty sketching with pencil on paper, erasing a few times here and there, and trying to figure out what best fits us in order to feel parallel to our throbbing, passionate hearts that are dying to just do, and be and meld into what it is that makes us feel whole, sturdy, and complete, within.
What is that?
It is a multitude of things for me, but I will tell you, in my own eclectic way, and the things that I dare to accomplish, in what I think is important to me, and no one else, it is like walking a tight rope.
Everyone wants you to BE SOMEONE, OR SOMETHING FOR THEM. I've gotten this now, and actually, am intrigued still, at this process, both being the "wanter", and the observer.
It makes people feel more comfortable with themselves to know that you are living life that is more to their liking or what is close to their morals or beliefs. They can say that they accept you, but the truth is, there is a lot of hidden angst, jealousy, and plainly, just a severe perplexity, in that there isn't really a rope of understanding that they can grab a hold of, outside of their "box".
This has been my experience, in trying to adhere to my own little vortex of what I consider a life.
I have dabbled in all of life, really, from one spectrum to another, and I have chosen a very simple life, devoid of the things that people think I should be doing.
My life is filled now with the most incredible joy, and too, sadness, still, trying to plug away at being 100% me. My 100% me, scares me, to be honest, at times, but I am so drawn to the life I want, and yet, no one, NOT ONE PERSON GETS IT.............. how wild.............NOT ONE PERSON!!
It's too "way out there"........ "not level headed", "not mainstream enough", "I'm not utilizing my personality enough"........ "Someone like me SHOULDN'T want to be ALONE, secluded away in the woods", after all that is SCARY!!! Not grounded enough!
For who? For you! Well, than don't be alone in the woods, but be happy for me you silly shit! It is what I love. You may not understand it, but try, just for another perspective.
What ? You haven't watched TV in a year, you weird thing! You haven't this, you haven't that...........
How about we just say we are different and call it a night?
I am at a point where it is fun sketching out what is next, and sometimes, honestly not fun, because in my life, it is a gamble. But I always wind up doing what I want, gambling it, against all odds, and I am always happy.
It too, is kind of sad because ya know, you traipse along in life, you meet incredible people, stay awhile with them, experience life with them in so many eclectic ways, and then suddenly you see yourself leaving a life behind that once meant so much.
Life seems to be one big shedding of the skin. In order to stay THAT CLOSE to who we are, we must move.........continuously move with what feels good, what seems to be most accurate and parallel to who we are and what we are wanting, AGAINST ALL ODDS.
It may seem so incredibly ludicrous to move in directions that seem so uncharted, so unpaved, but to me, those are the most phenomenal roads to take. You clear the weeds away, walk confidently, knowing that you feel strong inside where you are going, yet, life DOES give you constant notions that things just won't be OK in that risky kind of living, but such is the dichotomy between right and left brain, fear and trust, and all of the other things that tell us yes, no, yes, no............... IF WE NEVER SAY YES, IN ALL OF OUR FEAR, THAN WE WILL NEVER FEEL SATIATED IN OUR SOUL, JUST FEARFUL THAT WE NEVER MADE THE JUMP.
WHO ARE YOU OUT THERE? BE YOU!
Boys? Same thing..............
BE YOU, BE YOU............WHATEVER THE HECK IT IS..............sculpt your life to you own liking.
Heck my life isn't anything to talk about. It is SIMPLE, FUN, SERIOUS, PASSIONATE, and really, so no nonsense..............AND I LOVE IT.................
I don't feel any need to be anyone else, but I will say, it is interesting to watch the world and how they all want you to be.
It is always like watching a sad movie on how people struggle to swim to the shore of peace within themselves.
Hay, if your peace is smoking hemp on a deserted island, go right ahead. Me? I'd probably laugh and say, Right on........... so be it, if that is your choice. Who, really, am I to judge?
Ride the wave of INDIVIDUALITY!!
Scrape away all of the stuff that you are doing that just doesn't seem to fit, and mold your life to what you want.
It may take a bit of planning, but that's OK, everything does these days.
THERE ISN'T ANYTHING THAT YOU COULD WANT, THAT CANNOT COME TRUE! NOTHING IS THAT HARD TO GRASP.
TELL ME.....WHAT IS IT? I CHALLENGE YOU.................
I'M WORKIN MY MAGIC IN MY WORLD............... AND IT IS TAKING A LOT BUT IT WILL HAPPEN........... WHY?
I DON'T TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER.
I WANT WHAT I WANT.
I MAY FUMBLE..............BUT WHO CARES.............. AS LONG AS I LAUGH ALONG THE WAY.
I am here for you, as I am here for myself.
It takes a lot of self acceptance, courage and loving the little kid inside that is not very trusting and not willing to embark on new territory.
Jump over the line and have a ball!
It's work, but we might as well do something while we have all of this time here right?
I'm skipping inside................. I'm light, and know, too, that I have a ton of work to do.
I love myself enough to go the extra mile.
We are loved.
And, we are safe.
I love learning to know that, more and more.
G'nite guys,
I love you so much......... God........I really do!!
xoxoxoxoxoxo
Sunday, January 17, 2010
NAKED
The most vital necessity
in this life
is that
I shall love
completely
and
implicitly
and in
entire
nakedness
of
body
and
spirit!
~
in this life
is that
I shall love
completely
and
implicitly
and in
entire
nakedness
of
body
and
spirit!
~
Friday, January 15, 2010
LOVE
Even as love ascends to your height
and caresses your tenderest
branches
that quiver
in the sun,
so shall love descend
to your
roots
and shake them
in their clinging
to
the
earth.
~
and caresses your tenderest
branches
that quiver
in the sun,
so shall love descend
to your
roots
and shake them
in their clinging
to
the
earth.
~
Thursday, January 14, 2010
THE JOY OF LIVING DANGEROUSLY
Those who are courageous, they go headlong. They search all opportunities of danger. Their life philosophy is not that of insurance companies. Their life philosophy is that of a mountain climber, a glider, a surfer. And, not only in the outside seas they surf; they surf in their innermost seas. And not only on the outside they climb Alps and Himalayas; they seek inner peaks.
~
~
Monday, January 11, 2010
OUR DEEP HUMAN SEXUALITY...........
....... in my small opinion, will only be fulfilled when we discover that the lover we TRULY seek is divine, and beyond finding anywhere outside of ourselves.
I know so many people who often get frustrated when they discover that their deepest longing, never, really goes away, IF.............IF.......... they are truly honest!
They get married, and eventually fantasize about another partner. They move to a lovely place and soon wish they were closer to the ideal children they once hoped for.
They have the money, the career, and the home they always wanted, and yet, this isn't enough to quell the motor of desire that hums incessantly somewhere beneath the heart. The proverbial "eye over the shoulder" syndrome. One in which I have, over the years, have grown to dislike/embrace as a human reality, and pattern of the mind that I don't really think will get squelched anytime soon.
Desire is the proper atmosphere of the sexual "kingdom". It keeps people "alive" and moving along.
It keeps us in touch with memories, warm , joyful and sad, and it allows us entry into the world of imagination when all around us practicality is insistent.
From the view point of the soul, desire, simply is; it need not be satisfied! I know that sounds utterly crazy, but just read it, and let it sink in, even if it is just as a mere thought. Consider the thought! Please!
Longing for chocolate, say, might be a small desire that resides in the larger one that yearns for the sweet life. And so every desire is worth paying attention to, even though we know that if we track it far enough, we will discover that this longing will never, ever cease. I truly, truly believe this! Same with food, or alcohol or drugs.
They all are trying to get you to a place much higher than what you feel physically. In all honesty, I don't judge! Everything is a stepping stone. I don't think anything in our vortex is actually bad, if you look at it from the perspective as, "everything being a stepping stone, or a teacher" .
That is my definition of divinity from the view point of sexuality.
That full, bittersweet, empty feeling is like incense in a church, or temple. It announces the Presence of "God".
Sexuality certainly brings people together and makes life feel full and vital. I have been there, and have witnessed the extremities of validation through sex, and intimacy, but have come to know that it certainly is NOT the end all of the human race, by all means. Can I say that again............BY ALL MEANS!
Simply I just don't think we were taught anything different. So, we are programmed to do, and feel, and supposedly "like" all the goin on's.
To me, and how I was brought up.......you don't have sex until you are married, and before that? Hay, wadyou mean, you feel things?? Get rid of it until you are married. There was no talk of "choice". As a matter of fact, what choice? You have sex, when it is time, and even with that, there is no talk of how, what is expected, if you even feel like it...........I mean, what if you don't even feel like doing all that? Who says??? And at what age, or time frame?" Get outa here", is what I say.
Not to get all personal, but, I will heeee...........
My first time........ you know, the FIRST TIME........... afterwards I was like............. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! THIS IS WHAT ALL THE HUB UB IS ABOUT?
Completely disappointed, and........not surprised at my disappointment, for some intuitive reason.
Sex is never a purely physical act, to me, at least.
It is always numinous, even when it is not perfect, or is full of shadow.
The bed is a ritual object, so to speak, worthy of our tenderest care.
It has been often said that one of the most intimate sights is a bed recently left, it's coverings scattered and laid about.
In bed we leave the plane of practicality and enter the deep worlds of dream, and here we make love, and in so doing, we seek him/her whom we love, but can never find.
The Bed is prie-dieu on which we lie rather than kneel, a place of physical prayer, inspired by desire and sustained by pleasure.
No altar is more sacred!!!
I am humbled and sizzling with passion for the sacred, the beloved, the love-making, the everything that encompasses the light, the beyond, and the moment that gives us Truths that are 2010 and then I have to integrate................ unfortunatley!
So much for the Country Girl!
I've much to learn.
Thank you all for being my teachers.
Most of you would never know, but will, if I have anything to do with it!
I'm full of love and consciousness.
G
I know so many people who often get frustrated when they discover that their deepest longing, never, really goes away, IF.............IF.......... they are truly honest!
They get married, and eventually fantasize about another partner. They move to a lovely place and soon wish they were closer to the ideal children they once hoped for.
They have the money, the career, and the home they always wanted, and yet, this isn't enough to quell the motor of desire that hums incessantly somewhere beneath the heart. The proverbial "eye over the shoulder" syndrome. One in which I have, over the years, have grown to dislike/embrace as a human reality, and pattern of the mind that I don't really think will get squelched anytime soon.
Desire is the proper atmosphere of the sexual "kingdom". It keeps people "alive" and moving along.
It keeps us in touch with memories, warm , joyful and sad, and it allows us entry into the world of imagination when all around us practicality is insistent.
From the view point of the soul, desire, simply is; it need not be satisfied! I know that sounds utterly crazy, but just read it, and let it sink in, even if it is just as a mere thought. Consider the thought! Please!
Longing for chocolate, say, might be a small desire that resides in the larger one that yearns for the sweet life. And so every desire is worth paying attention to, even though we know that if we track it far enough, we will discover that this longing will never, ever cease. I truly, truly believe this! Same with food, or alcohol or drugs.
They all are trying to get you to a place much higher than what you feel physically. In all honesty, I don't judge! Everything is a stepping stone. I don't think anything in our vortex is actually bad, if you look at it from the perspective as, "everything being a stepping stone, or a teacher" .
That is my definition of divinity from the view point of sexuality.
That full, bittersweet, empty feeling is like incense in a church, or temple. It announces the Presence of "God".
Sexuality certainly brings people together and makes life feel full and vital. I have been there, and have witnessed the extremities of validation through sex, and intimacy, but have come to know that it certainly is NOT the end all of the human race, by all means. Can I say that again............BY ALL MEANS!
Simply I just don't think we were taught anything different. So, we are programmed to do, and feel, and supposedly "like" all the goin on's.
To me, and how I was brought up.......you don't have sex until you are married, and before that? Hay, wadyou mean, you feel things?? Get rid of it until you are married. There was no talk of "choice". As a matter of fact, what choice? You have sex, when it is time, and even with that, there is no talk of how, what is expected, if you even feel like it...........I mean, what if you don't even feel like doing all that? Who says??? And at what age, or time frame?" Get outa here", is what I say.
Not to get all personal, but, I will heeee...........
My first time........ you know, the FIRST TIME........... afterwards I was like............. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! THIS IS WHAT ALL THE HUB UB IS ABOUT?
Completely disappointed, and........not surprised at my disappointment, for some intuitive reason.
Sex is never a purely physical act, to me, at least.
It is always numinous, even when it is not perfect, or is full of shadow.
The bed is a ritual object, so to speak, worthy of our tenderest care.
It has been often said that one of the most intimate sights is a bed recently left, it's coverings scattered and laid about.
In bed we leave the plane of practicality and enter the deep worlds of dream, and here we make love, and in so doing, we seek him/her whom we love, but can never find.
The Bed is prie-dieu on which we lie rather than kneel, a place of physical prayer, inspired by desire and sustained by pleasure.
No altar is more sacred!!!
I am humbled and sizzling with passion for the sacred, the beloved, the love-making, the everything that encompasses the light, the beyond, and the moment that gives us Truths that are 2010 and then I have to integrate................ unfortunatley!
So much for the Country Girl!
I've much to learn.
Thank you all for being my teachers.
Most of you would never know, but will, if I have anything to do with it!
I'm full of love and consciousness.
G
Sunday, January 10, 2010
WINDING DOWN.........
Ahhh, to wind down after a long day, going, and doing, and planning (my new word), and being productive in all scopes of my world.
That usually feels good, not matter what mood you are in. At least you know you have accomplished SOMETHING, and I'm pretty sure that know matter WHO you are, you will derive some sort of satisfaction by making a check mark on the things you've DONE, on your checklist.
Some days there are just too many things to do, with not enough hours, (my usual days), and it almost seems impossible that you will actually get to mark even ONE thing off on that list, but surprisingly, you wake up, you put on that cape, and yes, to me, it feels as if I do actually FLY through my days.
There are truly good things to say about "super hero's".
They do everything in their power to do good, to help, and to risk everything for some important reason or another.
By the end of the day, I am so amped up from being with people, interacting, and too, just loving meeting new people, having that be so easy, so fulfilling for some reason, and just chattin it up, especially with all of my East Coast clients that come in. It is an Italian fest, and it really brightens my nights.
But not just Italians, just people. God, they just want attention and to be loved in some way or another, even if it is just bringing them a fresh basket of bread. GET THEM THE FRIGIN BREAD ALREADY!! Not much to ask on a date night, or a night out with the guys, ya know?
This is their night off!
Anyway, not to sway, (but I did, didn't I), it is hard to come off of that rush for hours upon hours. You get in a groove, and by the time the clock strikes the hour for you to go home, you're ready for the dance floor, some good music, and some tasty drink to quench your thirst.
My drive home used to be 40 minutes, and I could wind down then. By the time I got home I could just easily go to bed, or just chill out.
Now? I get in the car and the Rolling Stones call my name, or some foreign music, that of which I have no idea what they are saying but my body moves in sync with it, and well, it just feels good. So good that the snobby ol' cops that are usually out here threw a thumbs up at me tonight as I was rockin out listenin' to Start Me Up by the Rolling Stones. I rolled my window down, put my thumbs up and said, "Rolling Stones!"............. and he said, "No Wonder". I laughed my butt off and actually laughed the rest of the way home.
My life is funny, (most of the time), and I actually really do laugh at the antics that play out in it.
By the time I get home, my animals want to have a love fest, lick me, play tug, want bones, want petting, want to be riled up, and every other thing that someone would naturally want after being alone for hours upon end.
How can you resist?
I thought this was about "winding down?"
I think my point is, is that there really is no winding down, unless I completely force myself, and even then, the other night I layed in bed from 1-4:30 conjuring up ideas for creative projects, work, and every other subject on the face of the earth. Crazy, I tell ya!!
I look at my little computer and think, "Aww, my blog", how can I go to bed now?
So, here I sit, on a perfectly kindled night, energy high, ready for a 2 hour work out, and it is 1 am! Go figure!
Not enough time!
My winding down IS writing, maybe a glass of wine, or just laying with the dogs, talking to them as if they totally understand what I am saying.
I am perfectly fine with believing that illusion, if, in fact, it is one! I'm not sold 100% on that idea, but for now, it amuses me.
Kind of like Charlie Brown with the WAAA WAAAA WAAAAAA WAAAA'S.
Those of you who have followed Charlie Brown know what I'm talkin' about.
Anyway, I got out of my car and looked up. It was freezing cold out, but I had to at least not care for one minute, while I checked out the blazing sky. I wish, just one time, I could tell you what all of those very specific pictures with dots all over them were.
OK, so I know Orion, the Big Dipper, Little Dipper and a few others that I actually feel proud to know and recognize.
I do have an amazing telescope that helps me to decipher it all.
It drew me in so much that it took me down a few notches, and began my WINDING DOWN.
Nature seems to do that. It kinda brings you back to a reality. A good comfortable, soothing one.
The dogs awaited my return. I brighten up like a Christmas Tree, enter my little abode, and little by little, I am swimming in my own little pool of peace.
Not much of any wants, (oh maybe a few flashes of a car or a few dollars here and there(, but really, nothing much!
Pretty plain and simple.
I got all cozy in my favorite attire. You'd laugh........cuz I do, and here I sit, writing.........just......stuff........whatever surfaces, and bubbling up doing it.
My life isn't this grandiose Broadway show by any means. On the contrary it is pretty darn simple, but for some reason, it colors my world, and seemingly, others as well.
So much to do, yet the moment is so cool, doing nothing. Tomorrow is another day that I can plunge into productive mode.
But for now, it is quiet, everyone in the world, for the most part, is asleep, and it makes some sort of good sense that I am awake, and they are not.
I should have been a Vampire!
Ahh, good........ two huge yawns............see how that works..............YOU LOVELY BLOG YOU.
You wound me down, and I will go to sleep knowing my little heart shared a bunch, all day, and simply through this little thing called "Gabriela's Daily Quotes".
Funny how I look forward to "you" everyday!
Sleep like babies, dream of great stuff that will make your heart swell, and get cozy with the ones you love.
I am!
All my love,
as always,
Gabriela
That usually feels good, not matter what mood you are in. At least you know you have accomplished SOMETHING, and I'm pretty sure that know matter WHO you are, you will derive some sort of satisfaction by making a check mark on the things you've DONE, on your checklist.
Some days there are just too many things to do, with not enough hours, (my usual days), and it almost seems impossible that you will actually get to mark even ONE thing off on that list, but surprisingly, you wake up, you put on that cape, and yes, to me, it feels as if I do actually FLY through my days.
There are truly good things to say about "super hero's".
They do everything in their power to do good, to help, and to risk everything for some important reason or another.
By the end of the day, I am so amped up from being with people, interacting, and too, just loving meeting new people, having that be so easy, so fulfilling for some reason, and just chattin it up, especially with all of my East Coast clients that come in. It is an Italian fest, and it really brightens my nights.
But not just Italians, just people. God, they just want attention and to be loved in some way or another, even if it is just bringing them a fresh basket of bread. GET THEM THE FRIGIN BREAD ALREADY!! Not much to ask on a date night, or a night out with the guys, ya know?
This is their night off!
Anyway, not to sway, (but I did, didn't I), it is hard to come off of that rush for hours upon hours. You get in a groove, and by the time the clock strikes the hour for you to go home, you're ready for the dance floor, some good music, and some tasty drink to quench your thirst.
My drive home used to be 40 minutes, and I could wind down then. By the time I got home I could just easily go to bed, or just chill out.
Now? I get in the car and the Rolling Stones call my name, or some foreign music, that of which I have no idea what they are saying but my body moves in sync with it, and well, it just feels good. So good that the snobby ol' cops that are usually out here threw a thumbs up at me tonight as I was rockin out listenin' to Start Me Up by the Rolling Stones. I rolled my window down, put my thumbs up and said, "Rolling Stones!"............. and he said, "No Wonder". I laughed my butt off and actually laughed the rest of the way home.
My life is funny, (most of the time), and I actually really do laugh at the antics that play out in it.
By the time I get home, my animals want to have a love fest, lick me, play tug, want bones, want petting, want to be riled up, and every other thing that someone would naturally want after being alone for hours upon end.
How can you resist?
I thought this was about "winding down?"
I think my point is, is that there really is no winding down, unless I completely force myself, and even then, the other night I layed in bed from 1-4:30 conjuring up ideas for creative projects, work, and every other subject on the face of the earth. Crazy, I tell ya!!
I look at my little computer and think, "Aww, my blog", how can I go to bed now?
So, here I sit, on a perfectly kindled night, energy high, ready for a 2 hour work out, and it is 1 am! Go figure!
Not enough time!
My winding down IS writing, maybe a glass of wine, or just laying with the dogs, talking to them as if they totally understand what I am saying.
I am perfectly fine with believing that illusion, if, in fact, it is one! I'm not sold 100% on that idea, but for now, it amuses me.
Kind of like Charlie Brown with the WAAA WAAAA WAAAAAA WAAAA'S.
Those of you who have followed Charlie Brown know what I'm talkin' about.
Anyway, I got out of my car and looked up. It was freezing cold out, but I had to at least not care for one minute, while I checked out the blazing sky. I wish, just one time, I could tell you what all of those very specific pictures with dots all over them were.
OK, so I know Orion, the Big Dipper, Little Dipper and a few others that I actually feel proud to know and recognize.
I do have an amazing telescope that helps me to decipher it all.
It drew me in so much that it took me down a few notches, and began my WINDING DOWN.
Nature seems to do that. It kinda brings you back to a reality. A good comfortable, soothing one.
The dogs awaited my return. I brighten up like a Christmas Tree, enter my little abode, and little by little, I am swimming in my own little pool of peace.
Not much of any wants, (oh maybe a few flashes of a car or a few dollars here and there(, but really, nothing much!
Pretty plain and simple.
I got all cozy in my favorite attire. You'd laugh........cuz I do, and here I sit, writing.........just......stuff........whatever surfaces, and bubbling up doing it.
My life isn't this grandiose Broadway show by any means. On the contrary it is pretty darn simple, but for some reason, it colors my world, and seemingly, others as well.
So much to do, yet the moment is so cool, doing nothing. Tomorrow is another day that I can plunge into productive mode.
But for now, it is quiet, everyone in the world, for the most part, is asleep, and it makes some sort of good sense that I am awake, and they are not.
I should have been a Vampire!
Ahh, good........ two huge yawns............see how that works..............YOU LOVELY BLOG YOU.
You wound me down, and I will go to sleep knowing my little heart shared a bunch, all day, and simply through this little thing called "Gabriela's Daily Quotes".
Funny how I look forward to "you" everyday!
Sleep like babies, dream of great stuff that will make your heart swell, and get cozy with the ones you love.
I am!
All my love,
as always,
Gabriela
Saturday, January 9, 2010
MUCH TO DO ABOUT NOTHING...........
I rushed home from work, in this late hour, to make sure I got home in enough time to take care of my responsibilities, love on my animals and go to bed. Morning is coming quickly, and unfortunately, I have to wake up early to take care of some things, and then be to work, only to close until late again. Where does the time go?
I saw my computer and said, "Aww, I so want to write", and have a million things to touch upon.....some great in depth subjects, that I just haven't given the right amount of attention to, or had enough time for......and tonight, of course, I am on fire with some great revelations, intuitive light bulbs going off, and just a mad desire to express the passions of subjects that people usually shun.
The forbidden!
Life is such an open book these days, and I am so excited for when I actually sit and write with no time frame, just sit and give it my all.
I almost want to scream I have so much energy, so much passion for very important subjects, to me anyway, but subjects that everyone would want to hear, or talk about, or comment on.
I get these pockets of time in my days, and I actually write things down so I don't forget. Little moments in my day that just shout out excellence, in the way that, hmmmm, maybe I am really on to something!
I think I have to trust my intuition more and follow up on my own individual path that screams "SOMETHING GOOD, SOMETHING GOOD!"
Where does the time go? I usually have so much energy, I could stay awake all night, and write, but I know what the morning will bring. Gabriela plus no sleep, equals, not a happy camper. It usually takes me all day to recover from no rest, and a very active mind.
God, I have so much to sculpt in my life.
Anyway, it is late and I haven't written about anything imparticular but wanted to say that "Oh, I will". Time is of the essence and I have some things to chat about, but in this moment, I have to play it safe, go to bed, get some rest and do some planning. ( I know someone who will like that statement ;)
Goodnight my sweet friends.
Keep your passions for life alive, amongst all the crap.
Don't let any situation get you down, or off track. and if it does, get yourself back on. That is what I am trying to do.
You fall, you get back up, kinda thing.
It is not as bad as we make it.
I love you and wish you all an easy ride on this crazy journey!
xoxo Gabriela
I saw my computer and said, "Aww, I so want to write", and have a million things to touch upon.....some great in depth subjects, that I just haven't given the right amount of attention to, or had enough time for......and tonight, of course, I am on fire with some great revelations, intuitive light bulbs going off, and just a mad desire to express the passions of subjects that people usually shun.
The forbidden!
Life is such an open book these days, and I am so excited for when I actually sit and write with no time frame, just sit and give it my all.
I almost want to scream I have so much energy, so much passion for very important subjects, to me anyway, but subjects that everyone would want to hear, or talk about, or comment on.
I get these pockets of time in my days, and I actually write things down so I don't forget. Little moments in my day that just shout out excellence, in the way that, hmmmm, maybe I am really on to something!
I think I have to trust my intuition more and follow up on my own individual path that screams "SOMETHING GOOD, SOMETHING GOOD!"
Where does the time go? I usually have so much energy, I could stay awake all night, and write, but I know what the morning will bring. Gabriela plus no sleep, equals, not a happy camper. It usually takes me all day to recover from no rest, and a very active mind.
God, I have so much to sculpt in my life.
Anyway, it is late and I haven't written about anything imparticular but wanted to say that "Oh, I will". Time is of the essence and I have some things to chat about, but in this moment, I have to play it safe, go to bed, get some rest and do some planning. ( I know someone who will like that statement ;)
Goodnight my sweet friends.
Keep your passions for life alive, amongst all the crap.
Don't let any situation get you down, or off track. and if it does, get yourself back on. That is what I am trying to do.
You fall, you get back up, kinda thing.
It is not as bad as we make it.
I love you and wish you all an easy ride on this crazy journey!
xoxo Gabriela
Friday, January 8, 2010
WHAT MIGHT BE NATURAL FOR ONE.......
Might not be for the next guy, whatever it may be.
I know for me, that my little way exudes something particular to people, and who knows what they may think about the whys and how's, but my point is, something that may be natural for you, or me, may come across as something else to another.
I think there are so many ways to interpret, or, misinterpret our own individual ways, thus leaving a ton of room for a misunderstanding, IF, you actually care how people perceive you, or what they think about you in general.
It is always interesting to me to see how people perceive me, and then, to know, how I feel inside, and when the two get in the same room, I have to say, it is a huge eye opener.
Inside, there is an incredible reality, and then when I hear opinions, and the observations of others, I have to just take it with a grain of salt, and think that people are entitled to their opinions and too, take a look from their perspective as to why they might be thinking those things, and take that into consideration as well, even if it isn't parallel to my being, or how I feel inside.
I have an incredible amount of passion for life, and that just pours over into my little vortex, my small little world filled with a variety of people, guessing, wondering, contemplating, and judging.
Such is the way of it right? I mean, that is what people do! They make their assumptions and then stamp it with their personal mark, as to, "This is the way it is".
Very interesting to me, but overall, very boring, to me.
To me, life is meant to be lived FULLY, and to be felt with every shred of your being, no matter what it is that you are doing. I mean, if you are doing anything, why not do it with a whole helluva lota gusto, and pour yourself into it? That, to me, is PASSION!
And when you feel that passion with every minute thing in life, it carries an essence with you, one that doesn't look so familiar in regular every day life, so automatically, people have you separated from the "norm", and into a category that isn't much different than anyone else, just that there is an acknowledgement of the sacredness in all things. Of course that is going to spill over into your life. You are basically making love to life, and man, does that show!!!
It ain't my shirt honey! (at least I hope not, nothing fancy goin on here). White chef coats and t-shirts aren't the IN THING.
You get what I am saying though, right?
I think people misinterpret natural passion and purity of heart for something other.
I understand it from both ends. It's tricky. After all, can you count on your hand how many people in your life have been that pure?
I can't, really at all!
I mean, I really have to think.
Maybe that is why I love to offer that so much, is because it IS RARE.
Everyone has an agenda!!!!!!!!
Even if you think they don't, THEY DO!
I don't want to get too esoteric, although I so could, just wanted to touch upon a little subject.
It is innate in humans, to want, to be ego driven, and to be selfish, for pretty good reason, for the most part. I get it!
I think it is hard to discern whether someone is being pure for that reason alone. People/humans will be what we were brought up to be, and I don't think there was enough well rounded education for us, as to see the beauty in being "selfish" and the beauty in purity.
I don't really like the word selfish. It seems so harsh, yet it has it's place.
We talk of purity, and when we were little we went to church. That was supposed to be pure. The reality of the craziness that actually happens in churches baffles me, and too, saddens me to a great degree.
How is it that we are surprised when we enter in relationships that we are skeptical, when all of the places that were supposed to be safe and secure, were tainted with complete and utter selfishness?
This is a book, for me, and yet, simple words, on a regular basis, can remind you, that there are people who are pure in heart........... (where I don't know), that might follow a way that is drenched in love. The kind of love that does not want, but wants to give.
That is what I am talking about.
And, that may look like a million different things to you. People have their own way of showing their passion for life, for giving, for learning, and for the willingness to give to you.
Don't taint what is real, pure and innocent!
Some people ARE for real! Some people actually care, from the inside out!
It is so interesting to me to see so many people on a daily basis, and how their reaction is to genuine care, love and attention, to the human soul.
It keeps me awake, fresh and fervent to keep active and parallel to my ever thriving heart.
Thank you to all of you who make me want to give and share that passion in every way I can, through my everyday life, activities and choices.
There are reasons for everything, and catalysts for every last thing that we experience!
I'm grateful beyond belief.
I am on the biggest learning curve there is right now.
Thank you to everyone who makes me love beyond opinions. they have no idea what they do for my ever evolving soul.
All my love,
Gabriela
I know for me, that my little way exudes something particular to people, and who knows what they may think about the whys and how's, but my point is, something that may be natural for you, or me, may come across as something else to another.
I think there are so many ways to interpret, or, misinterpret our own individual ways, thus leaving a ton of room for a misunderstanding, IF, you actually care how people perceive you, or what they think about you in general.
It is always interesting to me to see how people perceive me, and then, to know, how I feel inside, and when the two get in the same room, I have to say, it is a huge eye opener.
Inside, there is an incredible reality, and then when I hear opinions, and the observations of others, I have to just take it with a grain of salt, and think that people are entitled to their opinions and too, take a look from their perspective as to why they might be thinking those things, and take that into consideration as well, even if it isn't parallel to my being, or how I feel inside.
I have an incredible amount of passion for life, and that just pours over into my little vortex, my small little world filled with a variety of people, guessing, wondering, contemplating, and judging.
Such is the way of it right? I mean, that is what people do! They make their assumptions and then stamp it with their personal mark, as to, "This is the way it is".
Very interesting to me, but overall, very boring, to me.
To me, life is meant to be lived FULLY, and to be felt with every shred of your being, no matter what it is that you are doing. I mean, if you are doing anything, why not do it with a whole helluva lota gusto, and pour yourself into it? That, to me, is PASSION!
And when you feel that passion with every minute thing in life, it carries an essence with you, one that doesn't look so familiar in regular every day life, so automatically, people have you separated from the "norm", and into a category that isn't much different than anyone else, just that there is an acknowledgement of the sacredness in all things. Of course that is going to spill over into your life. You are basically making love to life, and man, does that show!!!
It ain't my shirt honey! (at least I hope not, nothing fancy goin on here). White chef coats and t-shirts aren't the IN THING.
You get what I am saying though, right?
I think people misinterpret natural passion and purity of heart for something other.
I understand it from both ends. It's tricky. After all, can you count on your hand how many people in your life have been that pure?
I can't, really at all!
I mean, I really have to think.
Maybe that is why I love to offer that so much, is because it IS RARE.
Everyone has an agenda!!!!!!!!
Even if you think they don't, THEY DO!
I don't want to get too esoteric, although I so could, just wanted to touch upon a little subject.
It is innate in humans, to want, to be ego driven, and to be selfish, for pretty good reason, for the most part. I get it!
I think it is hard to discern whether someone is being pure for that reason alone. People/humans will be what we were brought up to be, and I don't think there was enough well rounded education for us, as to see the beauty in being "selfish" and the beauty in purity.
I don't really like the word selfish. It seems so harsh, yet it has it's place.
We talk of purity, and when we were little we went to church. That was supposed to be pure. The reality of the craziness that actually happens in churches baffles me, and too, saddens me to a great degree.
How is it that we are surprised when we enter in relationships that we are skeptical, when all of the places that were supposed to be safe and secure, were tainted with complete and utter selfishness?
This is a book, for me, and yet, simple words, on a regular basis, can remind you, that there are people who are pure in heart........... (where I don't know), that might follow a way that is drenched in love. The kind of love that does not want, but wants to give.
That is what I am talking about.
And, that may look like a million different things to you. People have their own way of showing their passion for life, for giving, for learning, and for the willingness to give to you.
Don't taint what is real, pure and innocent!
Some people ARE for real! Some people actually care, from the inside out!
It is so interesting to me to see so many people on a daily basis, and how their reaction is to genuine care, love and attention, to the human soul.
It keeps me awake, fresh and fervent to keep active and parallel to my ever thriving heart.
Thank you to all of you who make me want to give and share that passion in every way I can, through my everyday life, activities and choices.
There are reasons for everything, and catalysts for every last thing that we experience!
I'm grateful beyond belief.
I am on the biggest learning curve there is right now.
Thank you to everyone who makes me love beyond opinions. they have no idea what they do for my ever evolving soul.
All my love,
Gabriela
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
UNVEILING THE MASK
My titles seems to be collaborating, so maybe there is a message somewhere, written in stone, or just a huge hint from the Universe that "Unveiling the Mask," or "Baring the Soul," is really like you letting all go, at least ideas, for one, and then, two, actually putting it all together, and into action, without thinking that it is wrong, or no one else is doing this, so why should I, kind of thing.
Look, truly, I think "You know it, when you know it", no matter what it is. The vibes are sent out, and either you are on that sailboat, or you are still sipping on Pina Coladas, cuz lately I see that it doesn't really take much to see the "fine written print at the bottom of the page".
Whether or not we can separate ourselves from our own junk is another story.
It is true! We can be smarter than smart, objective, and have all of our information neatly wrapped into one small package, but then when it comes down to actually applying those things, it truly is another story.
I'd rather be silent than spew out some things that I think are great, and then "fail" to execute them.
It seems that lately I have been unveiling mask after mask, and my face is feeling a bit too chapped to tell all of the gory details. Truly. I think I need to go get a facial, relax, and chill out a bit.
Don't get me wrong, I lovesssssssssssssss me some real talk, but sometimes it just gets a bit too real that I have to run for the nearest concession stand to look for a burger on a bun!
A coupala of fries, and watch a game or two.
There has got to be a balance with all of this, and to not feel like you want to run from anything.
I can't say that I WILL NEVER WORK ON CERTAIN THINGS?! How can I say that? It would go against the grain of my soul, yet, where is the reprieve?
Ahhh, so much to say............
I know from retrospect, I wouldn't want to change a thing, and I have had some pretty hairy times.........
It's wild what we choose, and then find out the REAL REASONS WHY we chose them to begin with.
I will never take back the amount of love that I "put in", and in retrospect, will always adore how it made me feel to be able to love like that, or give like that. There really is nothing other............ not like that anyway.
Loving, giving, unveiling the masks, peeling the onion, shedding your skin, you name the phrase........... there is something to be said about it all.
All I know, is that in this life, I know that I have loved to the enth degree and no money can ever take the place of that, nor can any lover, house, vacation or puppy put in front of you.
I am fortunate to say that I have loved so greatly in this life, and if anyone is the recipient of this grandeur, you should hold tight, for it is strong, and with a passion that will keep you wondering, as it keeps me wondering, and figuring, "Where the heck does all this come from anyway?"
I will say goodnight, and thank you to any and everyone who allows me to love from this place, and too, to learn from this place.
It may hurt sometimes, but when the wash is done, I always say, "I wouldnta had it any other way".
Thank you all for being such great conduits, for being my teachers, and for showing me love in all of the right and "wrong" places.
It molds me into something that I actually love when all is said and done!
Goodnight and sweet, sweet dreams!
Gabriela
Look, truly, I think "You know it, when you know it", no matter what it is. The vibes are sent out, and either you are on that sailboat, or you are still sipping on Pina Coladas, cuz lately I see that it doesn't really take much to see the "fine written print at the bottom of the page".
Whether or not we can separate ourselves from our own junk is another story.
It is true! We can be smarter than smart, objective, and have all of our information neatly wrapped into one small package, but then when it comes down to actually applying those things, it truly is another story.
I'd rather be silent than spew out some things that I think are great, and then "fail" to execute them.
It seems that lately I have been unveiling mask after mask, and my face is feeling a bit too chapped to tell all of the gory details. Truly. I think I need to go get a facial, relax, and chill out a bit.
Don't get me wrong, I lovesssssssssssssss me some real talk, but sometimes it just gets a bit too real that I have to run for the nearest concession stand to look for a burger on a bun!
A coupala of fries, and watch a game or two.
There has got to be a balance with all of this, and to not feel like you want to run from anything.
I can't say that I WILL NEVER WORK ON CERTAIN THINGS?! How can I say that? It would go against the grain of my soul, yet, where is the reprieve?
Ahhh, so much to say............
I know from retrospect, I wouldn't want to change a thing, and I have had some pretty hairy times.........
It's wild what we choose, and then find out the REAL REASONS WHY we chose them to begin with.
I will never take back the amount of love that I "put in", and in retrospect, will always adore how it made me feel to be able to love like that, or give like that. There really is nothing other............ not like that anyway.
Loving, giving, unveiling the masks, peeling the onion, shedding your skin, you name the phrase........... there is something to be said about it all.
All I know, is that in this life, I know that I have loved to the enth degree and no money can ever take the place of that, nor can any lover, house, vacation or puppy put in front of you.
I am fortunate to say that I have loved so greatly in this life, and if anyone is the recipient of this grandeur, you should hold tight, for it is strong, and with a passion that will keep you wondering, as it keeps me wondering, and figuring, "Where the heck does all this come from anyway?"
I will say goodnight, and thank you to any and everyone who allows me to love from this place, and too, to learn from this place.
It may hurt sometimes, but when the wash is done, I always say, "I wouldnta had it any other way".
Thank you all for being such great conduits, for being my teachers, and for showing me love in all of the right and "wrong" places.
It molds me into something that I actually love when all is said and done!
Goodnight and sweet, sweet dreams!
Gabriela
Monday, January 4, 2010
WHEN THE SAME THINGS KEEP SHOWIN UP
........it can really stink!
I can get all spiritual about it and find the gems in it, and always, I do, really, I do. I truly take the time to investigate all areas, and to take responsibility for why things happen, but .........sometimes it's just nice to say that sometimes ........things..... just........... stink, and leave it at that!
Then, you vent that........ come back to real life, and realize, yes............yes........... it is there for a reason, and you really cannot hide. I mean, you can, but which pain is worse? Hiding and pretending things aren't happening, or aren't a particular pattern in your life? Or, facing it head on, and moving through whatever you need to move through? I know that sounds cozy and easy, but whatever our own individual lives bring, some may be much harder than others.
Being vulnerable and open isn't the easiest when your heart is out there.
It's like running naked amongst a crowd.
Everyone can see every inch of you, every flaw, every nuance, every, every, every thing, and you cannot hide!
No hiding! You are just out there, with no curtain to draw.
Sometimes it can feel so freeing, and other times it is so excruciating!
I know to love, is to express that and feel that with 100% of yourself, and man, isn't that amazing........a true phenomenon actually!
I think it is when we think our heart is in danger that we recoil, and retreat within, hoping to safeguard that sacredness, so it won't get damaged.
There are a million theories on love, and just what to do, and when, and how, but the truth is, everyone has their own make-up and how that gets transposed is completely an individual ride!
I really don't think there is ONE formula for ALL OF US.
I do think that people become catalysts for us to move into deeper realms within ourselves, to move a few cob webs and to sort out what does and does not belong.
It gets fuzzy at times, of course, aren't we still in human bodies with a full heart pumping with lava for blood?
The human heart runs too deep for any kind of solid understanding. It winds up taking a lofty ride into the sunset, with our own interpretation of what that feeling actually FEELS LIKE, and too, looks like.
LOVE, to me, is like art. So individual, so utterly sensual and thought provoking. No one piece is the same. I have many different pieces of art in my home, and they all give me the same essence in the way of attraction, but no two are the same, in looks, or depth. They all draw me for different reasons, and each piece allows me to dive into a place that is so real, so incredibly captivating, enticing, and magnetic. Completely joyful from the most real and innocent place.
You wonder then, should art be it? Should the innocence and depth of love be transformed into art and kept at that, and maybe human love be secondary?
I think, in all honesty, that love, with humans, has it's limits, but I won't negate the enormity of it. With music, or art of any form, in depth, just continues to find it's way to new and infinite levels of love and understanding of the human heart and race.
Look at the Michael Angelo's, the Walt Whitman's, the Beethoven's,the Saints, the Prophets of all kinds. They had loves, but made their passion for art, whether it be music, poetry, painting, or animals, or the welfare of others,to be first and foremost.
When situations in life present a red light, stop and see why the red light. There may be the obvious, and then there may be a heightened awareness of why, with flashes of an intuition that you keep stuffing back in your drawer, for fear you might just fly away, and actually love yourself THAT MUCH MORE!
The lights are turned up, now I just have to go clean my drawers out!
~
I can get all spiritual about it and find the gems in it, and always, I do, really, I do. I truly take the time to investigate all areas, and to take responsibility for why things happen, but .........sometimes it's just nice to say that sometimes ........things..... just........... stink, and leave it at that!
Then, you vent that........ come back to real life, and realize, yes............yes........... it is there for a reason, and you really cannot hide. I mean, you can, but which pain is worse? Hiding and pretending things aren't happening, or aren't a particular pattern in your life? Or, facing it head on, and moving through whatever you need to move through? I know that sounds cozy and easy, but whatever our own individual lives bring, some may be much harder than others.
Being vulnerable and open isn't the easiest when your heart is out there.
It's like running naked amongst a crowd.
Everyone can see every inch of you, every flaw, every nuance, every, every, every thing, and you cannot hide!
No hiding! You are just out there, with no curtain to draw.
Sometimes it can feel so freeing, and other times it is so excruciating!
I know to love, is to express that and feel that with 100% of yourself, and man, isn't that amazing........a true phenomenon actually!
I think it is when we think our heart is in danger that we recoil, and retreat within, hoping to safeguard that sacredness, so it won't get damaged.
There are a million theories on love, and just what to do, and when, and how, but the truth is, everyone has their own make-up and how that gets transposed is completely an individual ride!
I really don't think there is ONE formula for ALL OF US.
I do think that people become catalysts for us to move into deeper realms within ourselves, to move a few cob webs and to sort out what does and does not belong.
It gets fuzzy at times, of course, aren't we still in human bodies with a full heart pumping with lava for blood?
The human heart runs too deep for any kind of solid understanding. It winds up taking a lofty ride into the sunset, with our own interpretation of what that feeling actually FEELS LIKE, and too, looks like.
LOVE, to me, is like art. So individual, so utterly sensual and thought provoking. No one piece is the same. I have many different pieces of art in my home, and they all give me the same essence in the way of attraction, but no two are the same, in looks, or depth. They all draw me for different reasons, and each piece allows me to dive into a place that is so real, so incredibly captivating, enticing, and magnetic. Completely joyful from the most real and innocent place.
You wonder then, should art be it? Should the innocence and depth of love be transformed into art and kept at that, and maybe human love be secondary?
I think, in all honesty, that love, with humans, has it's limits, but I won't negate the enormity of it. With music, or art of any form, in depth, just continues to find it's way to new and infinite levels of love and understanding of the human heart and race.
Look at the Michael Angelo's, the Walt Whitman's, the Beethoven's,the Saints, the Prophets of all kinds. They had loves, but made their passion for art, whether it be music, poetry, painting, or animals, or the welfare of others,to be first and foremost.
When situations in life present a red light, stop and see why the red light. There may be the obvious, and then there may be a heightened awareness of why, with flashes of an intuition that you keep stuffing back in your drawer, for fear you might just fly away, and actually love yourself THAT MUCH MORE!
The lights are turned up, now I just have to go clean my drawers out!
~
Sunday, January 3, 2010
IF THERE IS ANYTHING...............
that bugs me, it is not being able to come full circle with things.
Some things are just out of your control, and well, you just have to take a back seat to the situation, and find a resolve within. Such has been my life in a nutshell. Doesn't mean I like it. God, it's been looming around for so long, I think it is time for it to find a new person to follow.
It's kind of like playing chess alone! No fun, very frustrating, and the strategy becomes more of the strategy of your own life, and you are back to the basics of Spirituality 101............what is in this for me? What do I need to see about myself, and how can I get a hold on my feelings, emotions, and take responsibility for what is occurring in my life, or, in my head, better yet?
A lot of times I have to take a back seat to check the situation out, and make sure I don't make any rash moves, out of fear, or insecurity. I genuinely try to make decisions based on objective thoughts, but hay, I'm human......... I might make a bad call here or there.
I am not one for rules, if you haven't gathered that thus far.
It depends. Rules come in quite handy.
But my personality likes to have the room and the freedom to make choices in a very flexible way. If that isn't there, it is like putting a straight jacket on me.
I don't generally gravitate toward rule laden situations.
I mean, yes, we have to wear seat belts, pay taxes, go to work, pay our bills, and all of that jazz, but there are other things that, if given the choice, I would give way more flexibility to. Some people would agree, and a lot would disagree for a multitude of different reasons.
I can see all standpoints, but for me, and for my make up, I need openness, flexibility and pretty alternative situations to suit my fancy.
None of this, "I can't", or I am not supposed to, stuff!
It just rubs me wrong like fingernails on a chalkboard.
You know, I don't expect people to be how I am, or think like I do, but I do want the choice to think freely, and to be able to make decisions based on my thoughts.
I don't judge anyone for their way or their way of thinking, even if I disagree. We may have a bit of a debate, but that could be fun, just to banter, but hay, you are who you are, and I am who I am............ no one better than the other, right?
Anyway, I want to love you, and respect you from the highest place there is, even if we are different, or have certain things we "need" to adhere to.
It may make us make decisions that we don't want to make, to stay true to ourselves, but it doesn't mean we don't care, or love you, just that we are not on the same page, no matter how it looks.
Stay true to who you are and what your beliefs are, and if you bump up against something that doesn't quite meet up to your "standard" than go to plan B.
Again, this is another blog that I could write in volumes.
I hope this doesn't seem too esoteric.
Sometimes I write and it is very specific to me, but maybe not to you.
Thanks for always reading, listening, and responding.
I'm ever so grateful!
Happy New Year Everyone.
I love you!
Gabriela
Some things are just out of your control, and well, you just have to take a back seat to the situation, and find a resolve within. Such has been my life in a nutshell. Doesn't mean I like it. God, it's been looming around for so long, I think it is time for it to find a new person to follow.
It's kind of like playing chess alone! No fun, very frustrating, and the strategy becomes more of the strategy of your own life, and you are back to the basics of Spirituality 101............what is in this for me? What do I need to see about myself, and how can I get a hold on my feelings, emotions, and take responsibility for what is occurring in my life, or, in my head, better yet?
A lot of times I have to take a back seat to check the situation out, and make sure I don't make any rash moves, out of fear, or insecurity. I genuinely try to make decisions based on objective thoughts, but hay, I'm human......... I might make a bad call here or there.
I am not one for rules, if you haven't gathered that thus far.
It depends. Rules come in quite handy.
But my personality likes to have the room and the freedom to make choices in a very flexible way. If that isn't there, it is like putting a straight jacket on me.
I don't generally gravitate toward rule laden situations.
I mean, yes, we have to wear seat belts, pay taxes, go to work, pay our bills, and all of that jazz, but there are other things that, if given the choice, I would give way more flexibility to. Some people would agree, and a lot would disagree for a multitude of different reasons.
I can see all standpoints, but for me, and for my make up, I need openness, flexibility and pretty alternative situations to suit my fancy.
None of this, "I can't", or I am not supposed to, stuff!
It just rubs me wrong like fingernails on a chalkboard.
You know, I don't expect people to be how I am, or think like I do, but I do want the choice to think freely, and to be able to make decisions based on my thoughts.
I don't judge anyone for their way or their way of thinking, even if I disagree. We may have a bit of a debate, but that could be fun, just to banter, but hay, you are who you are, and I am who I am............ no one better than the other, right?
Anyway, I want to love you, and respect you from the highest place there is, even if we are different, or have certain things we "need" to adhere to.
It may make us make decisions that we don't want to make, to stay true to ourselves, but it doesn't mean we don't care, or love you, just that we are not on the same page, no matter how it looks.
Stay true to who you are and what your beliefs are, and if you bump up against something that doesn't quite meet up to your "standard" than go to plan B.
Again, this is another blog that I could write in volumes.
I hope this doesn't seem too esoteric.
Sometimes I write and it is very specific to me, but maybe not to you.
Thanks for always reading, listening, and responding.
I'm ever so grateful!
Happy New Year Everyone.
I love you!
Gabriela
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