Ya know, I think we spend so much of our darn time thinking about so many things, that sometimes it is just nice to NOT THINK ABOUT ANYTHING........ANYTHING AT ALL!
My thoughts are usually going a mile a minute, on every subject you can think of, and tonight, although those thoughts are all there, waiting with baited breath, I really just don't feel like trying to figure out, plot, plan, figure out this or that, or really, do much of anything for that matter.
I never usually get to be home early in the evenings, and it feels so nice to just kick back, relax, put on some pajamas and read a little, have some tea, lounge with the dogs, and not do anything. Seriously, I know that seems like something small, but in my life, down time is a luxury.
Last night for some reason, I aimed to go to bed early, and kind of made it there, but something happened where it felt as if I was flying high on 10 pots of coffee and did not sleep one minute. Really, not one. I was unnerved and had hours upon hours to think about my life, what is happening in it, where I want to go, to do, and man..............(no wonder I'm in bed tonight)......... it really threw me for a loop.
Yes, I just answered my own question of why do I just want to be brain dead tonight? haha
I know life isn't meant to be taken so seriously, but I cannot help but to think of the many ways in which I want to heal, to forgive, to accept, to understand, to fix or mend things, to get on good healthy tracks where I know in my heart of hearts that I am good, doing right for this soul, taking responsibility for myself, my thoughts, my actions, and making good use of what comes up in the midst of it all. I don't want to be afraid to challenge myself to reach bigger plateaus, in all areas of my life.
So, for this little hungry soul, I find it difficult at times to just relax, turn it all off for a bit, and to remember that it's OK to not do so much thinking.
I have been living sooooo moment to moment, in every which way for so long now, but even still, I see how I fight to find some sort of security in a solid foundation.
I never used to worry about what the next moment would be, next, day, next week, and such, and I have lost touch with that great reality. I think I have been around more people who are more prone to the opposite, which is planning for everything, that part of that rubbed off on me, which is good, in trying to find a balance and integrating the two. I don't think I'm there yet, on either side. I have been out of touch with the precision of living in the moment, (although it is kind of like riding a bike), and I have been learning how to be more pro-active in planning, and looking ahead, even if I just do it a little. That actually, is A LOT for me!
I really do think everything is about balance, not making things so black and white, (extremes), and dabbling in a bit of both worlds to find something that works where you are actually part of the world, and yet, removed enough to feel the mystery and magic of the unknown.
It is a lot to think about, which, is what I was saying earlier. God, even writing it makes me want to dig down deep and start dissecting the veils and masks of this life.
BUT, FOR TONIGHT, I am going left brain. Not so emotional, a little bit more detached, and calling it a night.
NON THINKING IS GOOD!
To be so precise in the moment, as to exactly what is happening, whether it be you eating, chewing gum, or looking into someones eyes............... DO JUST THAT..............and don't wane.
Something in that moment is bound to give you a greater treasure than if you tried to plan it perfectly!
Relax into it.
I'll see you there!
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