RAZOR SHARP EDGE

It is always so intriguing living so moment to moment in your life.

I used to Ace this kind of living, and feel so comfortable, yet, my life was lived in such a secure little blanket, devoid of so many things that are currently in my life now.

I don't know if it is the 40's thing or just that life is in the most odd stage right now?

I have never had such a weird feeling, or maybe the word is ,unsure..... feeling about so many things.

I am usually precise with what it is that I want, but for some reason, it is feeling a bit foggy, and there isn't a crystal clear picture of what that might be.

I try to make clear visuals so that I can focus on them, to bring them to fruition, get a plan going, and start doing whatever it takes to get it working, but man......... I have a ton of passions, things I am good at, but not sure I want them to be my main stay for work, or even pleasure, and then there is Gabriela's eclectic vision of what I see as so awesome, so deep, and self satisfying, but.........the big BUT............. I .........am.............just............not ..............sure!

Things are jumbled up right now.

I barely have time to do anything.

My life is so full with things to do, things to mend, and responsibilities to adhere to, lessons to learn, and things to apply.

God forbid I want to do anything outside of this box.

It gets hairy...........

I wane, inside with so many thoughts and plainly, am unsure of my own personal progress at this moment, and am not afraid to say so.

It seems as if everyday goes by so fast, there isn't much time to think out loud. It is always a doing, and a going.

I need more time for "being".

I certainly don't want to seem as if I am complaining. I, of course look at the particulars in my life, and you would not know them (some do), and think, man, I need to "do" some tweaking here and there, and psssshhhhh............everywhere!

Honestly, there are so many things that I want to change, adhere to, transcend, and it really can be overwhelming at times. Probably because I don't have the time I need to do it the way I would want to?? Not sure!

I have creative projects that have been on hold, brilliant ideas waiting to be sketched out and put into form, some sort of plan that will actualize my dreams........god, just so much stuff that needs.........TIME........FOCUS...........AND TONS OF LOVE, DEEP DEEP LOVE TO POUR ITSELF INTO.

Living moment to moment kind of erases all of those things. Living moment to moment, leaves you living so precisely, that to go any further into the future seems almost ludicrous!

I know that with time, I will be able to mold my thoughts into a reality, but yes, it does take that one thing..............TIME!

Ya know, it is kind of like trying to write a novel while in a disco bar. That truly is how it feels.

My days are so filled with heightened energy, moving, moving, moving, and going, and it is like a dance of sorts. It is so busy, that to be able to come down to the reality that it requires to focus and adhere to a platform that is conducive for what I want, is almost highly unlikely.

I know I will find a way to conform to whatever it is that I need. I can feel it in my bones.

I am requiring some heavy duty stuff.

I am at a definite place of wanting to mold my life to exactly what it is that I need.........that will fulfill my passionate soul, in a pure and healthy way! I won't settle for less...........I just won't!!

I just can't bare calling in things that are old, trying to rear their ugly head again, and again, and again, to just teach me the same lesson over and over again.

This is the razor sharp edge.

How to change the course of action, to make a new and different life???

This is a good sentence to stop at............... to find new ways to build a different story in my life, rather than the old and boring.

I am all about digesting life changes slowly so I can actually look at it, check it out, and figure out a way to make things work where it won't be so hard core, and like cramming for an exam.

There has got to be an easier way to go about all of this.

I have this friend, who is good at being objective about things like this, and it seems so easy for her to say just how to go about it, but.......... everyone does things differently, and too, has a whole host of background stuff to consider, which, IS ALWAYS different for everyone, so........... opinions are great, advice is always great, but how do we apply accordingly........be objective, and consider others objective opinions too, even if they have never been on your side of the court?

This is a lot to go to bed with.

It's OK. This here, IS MY DOWN TIME!

Funny, huh? 1:30 am, down time.

Gotta change that!

The good thing is.........I'm still writing..........and still..........feel on fire............... with so many things......

Thank you for listening, as always, and for giving me your incredible feedback. What that does is allow me to access this crazy, wild, human race, in my little spurts of time, and see how it all fits into my domain of opinion........... and then I set free those thoughts.........and bam............
What you see is what you get..................... ME! Full of razor sharp thoughts, based on my passions, my views, and my innocent take on this crazy, crazy world.

Thank you a million times over, for letting me talk like a crazy woman, with opinions like crazy, and for just letting me be me.

You guys are truly awesome to me, and you have no idea how this little tiny blog makes such a huge difference in my encapsulated world.

Devoted to Expression,
Gabriela